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Asexual General -- /acegen/

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Awareness Edition

It's awareness week, apparently. Are you working to spread awareness? Is awareness even needed?

Old: >>5101706

Friendly reminder that you can hide the thread by clicking the little minus sign to the left, or by filtering "/acegen/" through 4chan's settings (top right). For those of you who continue to insist that we do not belong here: /lgbt/ is the most relevant board on 4chan for the discussion of GSRMs (gender, sexual, romantic minorities) which includes asexuals and asexuality

>So, what exactly IS asexuality?

There are two commonly used definitions, the first (from dictionary.reference.com):

asexual (a-sek-shoo-el) in medicine
3. lacking interest or desire in sex

And the second (from asexuality.org):

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction

(to prevent confusion; latter preferred)

>soitsfuckingnothing.jpg

If it helps, asexuality is recognized in the DSM-V: "if a lifelong lack of sexual desire is better explained by one's self-identification as 'asexual', then a diagnosis of... [male/female sexual/arousal disorder]... is not made."

>Okay, so, that didn't actually tell me anything.

So you want to read more about asexuality. Cool.

If you want science:
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html

If you want popular articles/videos/websites:
AVEN - The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network (asexuality.org)
Asexuality 101 (asexualawarenessweek.com/asexuality-101/)
Letters to an Asexual (and other relevant videos) (youtube.com/user/swankivy)

>/acegen/ halp! I think I might be asexual!

Do either of the above definitions apply to you? Both? Yes? No? Not sure? Start by asking yourself whether or not you experience sexual attraction as it is described here: http://imgur.com/pdIxHYc

>[questiongoeshere]

Hey, we're pretty chill, so if you've got a question: ask it.

Just don't hold it against us if we take awhile to get back to you; we're the slowest general on the board.
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Did people just manage to ban a day old /acegen/?
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>>5108827
Yep, they did.
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I would rape someone who said they were asexual. Man or woman, doesn't matter.
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>>5108840
Why? What good could that possibly do?
>>
Went on one of these faggy self-help sites (7cups) to vent about having a crush even though I'm as sex-repulsed as they come and worrying that she likes me to and it'll just end in drama when I tell her she'll never get the d from me but I think I love her.
"Listener" told me to go see a doctor since love is only love when you have sex. Basically ended with a "you'll die alone". gg, 7cups
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>>5108840
ow the edge. I'm thinking you could never overpower and rape anybody, but you enjoy talking online like you could.
>>
Do people stop asexuals in the street and beat them ?
Do asexual people need to find more asexual people to be around ?

I really dont get why asexual people need to tell everybody they are asexual. Its just like vegans.
>>
>>5111540
>Do people stop asexuals in the street and beat them ?
Not commonly, I mean there have been occassional attacks on asexuals apparently related to their orientation, but for the most part there's really no way to tell that someone is ace.

>Do asexual people need to find more asexual people to be around ?
Kind of, particularly for sex-repulsed romantic aces dating can be awkward unless they're dating other aces, and even asking non-ace people for advice tends not to work well since everyone assumes not having sex is unhealthy (like >>5109152 described).

>I really dont get why asexual people need to tell everybody they are asexual. Its just like vegans.
It's usually something you can keep to yourself, except for people you're dating or if people keep asking you why you're not dating. But the idea of asexual awareness is just to educate people about it and that it exists, so that if you do have to come out to someone you won't have to start from scratch explaining what it is.
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>>5111558
Well, thanks for the answers. Now it makes a bit more sense to me. Im sorry I was an asshole.
>>
I doubt many asexuals dare to out themselves. I assume it mostly has disadvantages in doing so, people looking at you funny, claiming it's impossible, various 'tests', no longer seen as a potential partner due to assumptions, friendzoned, not being taken seriously, perhaps even hostilities...
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>>5111600

It's alright; it's nothing we haven't heard before in /acegen/. Thank you for the apology, though; it's appreciated.

If it helps, we aren't about Oppression Olympics; our desire for awareness is out of genuine desire to eliminate confusion for questioning aces, their families, friends, and potential love interests. Fuck, most of us look on tumblr-tier special-snowflake "aces" who come out to everyone and make a big deal out of their orientation with pity, disdain, or disappointment.

At least I do (then again I've had little patience for discussing sexuality lately; which is why I haven't been around /acegen/ much).

>>5112070

Like anything else there are positives and negatives. It's up to each individual to evaluate and decide whether the merits beat out the cons and act accordingly.

The exact occurrences surrounding coming out varies person to person, group to group, family to family. I have been considering coming out to put a stop to the "dyke" and "mudshark" jokes I've gotten from a new group of friends, but eh. Doesn't seem to be a point (especially when it'd just invite "special snowflake" and "magic dick" jokes instead).
>>
>>5111540
It can be hard to deal when you want a relationship because of feelings and shit but still aren't sexually attracted to anyone. I tried sex with my ex and it ended with her crying and me gagging. I TOLD her it wouldn't work out beforehand, I TOLD her I hated it, and yet, she broke up because I made her feel undesireable and couldn't change for her. I tried something with a guy, and was extremely upfront about sex just not happening, so after a few months he started spamming me with porn online and getting gropey irl and constantly asking me "why can't you just stop being asexual? Isn't there conversion therapy?"
> fucking gay guy asked me if I could stop my sexuality and take conversion therapy

I don't tell everyone about it because I can deal, but it's terrible with relationships. Either you get "lol no u don't reproduce using spores retard" or "do some yoga, it'll help your libido" or "y-you just hate me, why do you keep on lying?!"
and I'm just not 100% settled with the thought of dying alone yet.
>>
>>5111540
No, I think saying you're asexual is dumb and could only end with you having a bad time. In progressed counties we have less rights than anyone else in the /lgbt/ community. You'd have to be dumb to let anyone know you're asexual. Sound familiar?
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>>5111540
When society and the world of capitalist marketing tells you, basically wherever you go, to have more sex or to buy something to increase your sex appeal, it definitely feels pretty fucking awkward to be asexual
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>Listening to "top 10" videos on youtube
>There's one on sex
>Has millions of views as opposed to the roughly hundred thousand the others have
>Related videos are all sexual videos, some with over 50 million views

It's things like that that remind you how much you're missing out on. I had no idea.
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>>5114132
>missing out on
>not being able to make yourself leak buckets of cum solely through mental stimulation

I PITY YOU
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>>5114281
>Mental stimulation

You sure you're ace?
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>>5114293
I abstain from sex, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy sexual thoughts.
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>>5111540
As a vegan and an asexual, I really don't get why non-vegan and sexual people always interpret telling people you're vegan/asexual in a relevant situation as shoving it down their throats.
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>>5114348
I mean, that doesn't really make you asexual, does it? You still enjoy sex, so you're either hetero, gay or bi.
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>>5114398
Having sexual thoughts doesn't exactly mean that you enjoy sex. Personally there's some things that turn me on, but I still don't have any interest/desire to have sex with anyone.
>>
>1 in every 100 people don't like tomato
>no tomato please awareness month

I know asexuals are real, but your struggle is not.
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>>5114517
I'm pretty sure more than 1% of people don't like tomato, and in any case it's not viewed as something unthinkable, or mental illness, to not like tomato the way not liking sex is. Even people who are perfectly okay with homosexuality have a hard time understanding people not wanting sex at all. Asexual awareness is mainly teaching people about asexuality so they understand what it is, and to correct misconceptions. The idea behind educating people is so that we don't always have to explain asexuality from the ground up every time someone finds out that we're asexual.
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I'm probably asexual, no real sex drive, never really want to have sex.

However, I want to be sexual because my bf is and I recognize that it's important to him, and I know I wouldn't handle an open relationship maturely.

In the past I've dealt with my asexuality by
>well I don't care much either way so I guess whatever they want, whenever they want is fine
>super passive
>etc
I realize now this wasn't super healthy of me, and actually lead me down a path of subjecting myself to sexual violence that probably hasn't been doing me any favors.

So basically... how can I take an active role in my sexuality as someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction or desire?
Are there any sources for literature or advice on being sexual as an asexual person? I really hate my apathetic view on sex and want to learn how to enjoy it in some capacity.
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>>5114694
>bf

Either train him to accept you or ditch him for someone else that's ace.

(hint: this person isn't a boy)
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>>5113254
>less rights

Please tell me how asexuality is pathologized and oppressed through laws like homosexuality has been.
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>>5114710
>(hint: this person isn't a boy)
What do you mean by this?
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>>5114710
I really don't want to dump my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time and he's really respectful of me. I actually did feel sexual attraction to him at the beginning (literally the only person I've ever felt this for) but somewhere along the way my feelings became complicated again.

Anyway, we haven't even had sex for months now because I haven't felt up to it and when we did it was always getting cut short by him because he insisted that I be fully into it. Like... if he noticed I wasn't fully into it he'd literally stop and just say "that's fine, we'll pick this up later" type deal.
I've really never seen a dude be more respectful sexually and if there's any guy I'm gonna enjoy sex with in any capacity it's going to be him. And enjoying sex is something I really want to try and do. I don't particularly want to be ace and I'm not totally sure if it's "just how I am" or if there's some baggage that I can work through.

I know that there are asexual people out there who are sexual for similar reasons, and I know it's possible to do in a healthy way that makes everyone happy.
I'm not asking that I ever get to the point where I enjoy sex more than the majority of my hobbies ('cause that's probably just not in the cards for me anyway) but I at least want to get to the point where I can initiate stuff and get something out of it. Whether the enjoyment is sexual in nature or not.
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>>5114738
Men are incapable of being ace.

Boys aren't.
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>>5114756
I'm still not sure what you mean.
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>>5114389
Thank you for acknowledging your existence to me :)
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>>5114756
get that bullshit out of here. logic like yours is what motivates people to think men can't be raped because they always want sex, or that all men are entitled to sexual partners because their libidos are a natural inherent part of each of them.
different people's brains work differently, and this isn't somehow only true of women.
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>>5114756
You're stupid.
>>
>>5117384
This board is NOT about sexuality, otherwise trans people wouldn't belong. What defines the LGBT community is being different from the "norm" in terms of sexuality and gender, which does apply to asexuals as well.

And no, I won't go to /r9k/, they just call asexuals broken and mentally ill, and just because we don't want to have sex doesn't mean we hate women.
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>>5117396
>otherwise trans people wouldn't belong

trans are changing there sex that has a lot to do with sexuality

>What defines the LGBT community
/lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender

>I won't go to /r9k/
look in the archives people used to make them all the time with out much recoil
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>>5117384

T R I G G E R E D
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>>5117405
*their
:^) I have bad spelling when i"m enraged
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>>5117405
>trans are changing there sex that has a lot to do with sexuality
"Sexuality" doesn't mean biological sex, it means you want to fuck. Gender transition is somewhat related to sexuality, but not that closely. And a lot of the trans discussions aren't even really about sexuality.

>/lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender
Asexuality isn't included right there in the title, but it fits the general concept of "differing from the norm with regards to sexuality and/or gender."

>look in the archives people used to make them all the time with out much recoil
So? You can't post in the archives, that's all in the past. The community is different now. I used to post on /r9k/ and they're more hostile to asexuals than /lgbt/ is.
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>>5117428
resorting to straw man arguments
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>>5117432
Straw man argument would mean I'm making arguments against some weak made-up arguments you didn't actually make. Where did I do that?
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>>5117428
>"Sexuality" doesn't mean biological sex, it means you want to fuck. Gender transition is somewhat related to sexuality, but not that closely. And a lot of the trans discussions aren't even really about sexuality.

again changing sex- sexuality

>differing from the norm with regards to sexuality and/or gender

/lgbt/ is about sexuality

>So? You can't post in the archives, that's all in the past. The community is different now. I used to post on /r9k/ and they're more hostile to asexuals than /lgbt/ is.

Making a point that r9k might not be as hostile as you think to a thread about being asexual
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>>5117405
Sex and sexuality aren't the same you idiot.
I don't propose a million additions to the LGBT acronym like some people do, but that's because it should be obvious that it's inclusive in regards to, as the other anon said, sexualities and genders that differ from the norm.
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>>5117496
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexuality
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>>5117496
I never said that they're the same thing.
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>>5117486
>again changing sex- sexuality
Only to the extent that gender transition can change how one relates to other people and alter your sexual function. It's not really directly related. And asexuality is still a "sexuality issue", because we differ from the norm in not desiring sex.

>>5117486
>/lgbt/ is about sexuality
It's about sexuality and gender, and really only when those are different from the norm. Without the "different from the norm" element, straight and cis people could be part of /lgbt/.

>Making a point that r9k might not be as hostile as you think to a thread about being asexual
I've posted about being asexual there like a few months ago, and spent like half an hour getting called a cuck and told I'm a failure of a human being for not wanting to reproduce. And pointing out the archive isn't really relevant to saying anything about what /r9k/ is like today.
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>>5117496
>>5117502
Meant to say gender.
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>>5117509
I can see your point now and I still think this place isnt for this type of thread,fight for /LGBTA/ if you want it that badly.
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>>5117527
We already have one letter more than any other boards, board names are intended to be short and simple rather than a complete description of what they're about (that's what the rules are for). I wouldn't object to getting an "official" statement on whether asexuality discussion belongs on /lgbt/ or where it should go if not, but for now it seems pretty reasonable that it fits into the same general category that "lgbt" refers to even if it's not right there in the acronym.
>>
I'm Ace and I just came out to my parents and they just started yelling at me and kicked me out.

What should I do?
>>
>>5117537
Then just push for it in the title and that way they wont delete your thread for being off topic.
>>
>>5117551
I don't think it would make sense to change the board title when we have like only one thread here, perhaps making it /gsm/ or /grsm/ would be better (though that would arguably include cishet allo fetishists as well).
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>>5117527
Then people would say it stands allies, which isn't even related. They could go for lgtb+ but that doesn't work well in urls. Besides with 4 letters it's already the largest name with most boards being 1 or 2 letters.
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>>5117540

While I'm skeptical, look for a LGBT center/charity/shelter in your area. Tell them what happened, but claim to be gay/lesbian, and take the advice/opportunities offered.
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>>5108801
Anyone want to share masturbation techniques?
I think we can all agree that johnsons is god tier for its long lasting and smell amazing
>>
How do I stop waking up with morning wood it hardly goes down before i leave for work in the mornings?
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>>5117559
yeah gsm is a terrible acronym, it was coined by a pedophile in an attempt to normalize child sexual abuse
as acronyms go, mogai is much better, but it's way too long to be a board url. i think just keeping the url & making the title a bit more inclusive would be the best solution
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>>5117551
Actually asexual is already included in the board's title. You know when you are making a list you say: one, two, three and four?

>/lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender
There it is, it's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, (Empty space) and Transgender. Which is a rather humoristic way to represent asexuality, but that's something I would expect from 4chan.
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>>5108801
Some fucking girl ask me other the other day and i told her i was asexual and she laugh,now i keep having seuxal dreams about her what do I do /acegen/?
>>
Welp, I'm out until the shitposters leave.
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>>5117580
Yeah I'm gay and im sexual
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>>5117586
Asexual*
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When will the world see that asexual are real?
I'm sick of seeing all these gay bars and clubs,when are we going to get clubs,bars,charity's and parade?
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Being asexual has made my life so hard the other day i had to turn down this guy that had the never to ask me out,I'm glad i have a place like this just to talk with others that feel my pain.
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>>5108801
Does not being able to have actual sex make me asexual?
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>>5108801
Honestly do not think that putting on this board might be the wrong place,I meaning ace people might have a hard time coming across this since this is the lgbt board n all.
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>>5117597
>>5117601
>>5117644
I'm thinkin these three posts were made by the same guy
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>>5117648
>>5117644
No, this board on the homepage.
>>
Wish me luck, I'm getting my gonadectomy tomorrow.
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>>5114517
Liking tomatoes doesn't lock you out of a significant portion of what society and human relations have to offer, does it? It also doesn't repulse people and effectively prevent you from ever finding a lasting relationship. Think before you shit-talk.
>>
new guy I was dating thinks just because i masturbate that i like sex and that i should give it to him,so we broke up.
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>>5117668
>tomatoes
I'm Italian and I'm allergic,my hole life I have been looked down at as some type of freak and the other kids would pelt tomatoes at my houes at night yelling things like freak.

I still have flash backs when I see them.
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Will everyone else ever stop shitposting on here? What have we ever done to you? It's a single thread among dozens, just hide it if a single square you're going to ctrl+F straight past really bothers you so much.
>>
>>5117668
>significant portion of what society and human relations have to offer
Wait what?
>>
>>5117685
Look, I'm not saying being ace is traumatic or anything, you're blowing things out of proportion. I'm saying it's a really obnoxious roadblock to a lot of what life has to offer.
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>>5117694
> you're blowing things out of proportion
How am I doing this?
>>
>>5117601
>>5117644
>>5117655
>>5117677
>>5117685
>>5117704
Look dude, you gotta press the space bar after you type a comma. That's the thing that's irking me the most here.
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>>5117704
You're funposting about it like I claimed it was traumatic or scarring, when what I was actually saying was that it's just a pain in the ass.
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>>5117710
It really can be hard making relationships as an ace and we still can feel loneliness.

please just leave or thread alone,
>>
>>5117580
kek

>>5117606
No, though you might have something in common if you're looking for advice on dating without sex or something. Asexuality is specifically defined as not experiencing sexual attraction, regardless of sexual behavior.

>>5117644
There isn't really another board that seems more appropriate, and I was able to find it just by searching 4chan asexual on google.
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>>5118039
I don't have sexual attraction tho
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>>5118070
So that would mean you're asexual.
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>>5118088
No I have a hole for a dick and I still masturbate but I do not have feeling for women or men sexually at all.
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>>5118095
That's pretty much what it means to be asexual.
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>>5117689
Look at all of our modern love stories and tell me that it isn't drilled into our society that romantic love and sex are inseparable.
>>
>>5117601
Real talk being asexual has made me feel like a worthless failure of a human being. Thinking about sex makes me really depressed because I'm being told from everyone direction that I'm defective for not liking it or being good at it.
No one is killing me over it, kicking me out of the house for it or anything, it's not comparable to say the struggles of being trans or whatever but that doesn't mean it's a cake walk either.
There's no guide to asexual relationships anywhere in the media so ace communities are really important in learning what works and what doesn't.


Unrelated, but I've been wondering lately if there have been any studies on the effect of asexuality on how likely you are to end up in sexually dangerous (abusive relationships, rape, etc) situations? Between guys convinced that "you just haven't had the right dick" and the general attitude encouraging people to participate in sexual relationships in a certain way regardless of personal pleasure I've been thinking we may be a higher risk group than some others. I know that I wrote off sexually abusive relationships in the past because a healthy sex life never occurred to me as possible, and abstaining from sex as an extremely romantic person didn't register as an option either.
>>
>am asexual
>am ftm
>often contemplated if asexuality was just because of dysphoria
>thought of penetrative sex makes me gag
>exclusively get aroused by 2D transformation sequences
>vags and dicks are my biggest turn offs

I have no idea if I can even validly call myself asexual. I usually just tell that people because I live stealth anyway and pass pretty well.
Can't really get used to the thought of dying alone still, even though that currently seems most probable to me whether I turn out to really be asexual or suddenly turn sexual after phalloplasty.
>>
>>5118795
honestly i think it's fine to call yourself asexual as long as you don't feel sexual attraction to other people, even if that lack of attraction isn't natural - like i think it's fine for sex-repulsed rape survivors to call themselves asexual even if their asexuality is completely caused by their trauma.

and if you end up not being asexual anymore due to phalloplasty, it'd be perfectly valid to either say that your sexuality used to be asexual and has changed, since that happens sometimes, or that you realize that you never were asexual and were just a [whatever]sexual with strong dysphoria

as for being alone, even if you can't find non-sexual romantic partners, close live-in friends do a lot of good when it comes to preventing loneliness. i had no idea how great it would be to have close trustworthy friends as roommates until it happened
>>
>>5117689
You don't think being ace affects how people relate with others? Even aro people need emotional intimacy, and unfortunately there seems to be a strong assumption in our society that we shouldn't rely on platonic relationships for emotional intimacy. So if you're ace it can be hard to get close to people, since we're pretty much all taught that that's what sexual relationships are for.
>>
>>5118795
are you me
because really, I thought that I made that post and somehow forgot about it
I'm not alone!
>>
How does /acegen/ feel about mutual masturbation? I'd personally prefer a relationship based on that, cuddling and kissing with nixing direct penetrative intercourse. Is that too far out of the realm of being considered asexual?
>>
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>>5117432

What >>5117441 said. Do you even fallacy, anon?
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>>5117579
>it was coined by a pedophile in an attempt to normalize child sexual abuse

Can you please link me to a source for this? I keep hearing it tossed around but haven't been able to verify it so far.
>>
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>>5117709
>>
>>5121422
This is how I feel as well
Anybody?
>>
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>>5121422
>>5121793

I honestly don't know what the fuck I want. I feel like a bigger priority for me--at least, theoretically--would be to "figure out" what I want romantically first, and then sexually. Because I haven't even experienced much of what's considered a normal romantic relationship, so I kinda just ask myself, "What's there to think about?" I'm always left feeling like I'm counting my chickens before they hatch, and I over think social matters a lot, which doesn't help my anxiety.

But to barely attempt to answer your question-? I want something that can be described, I guess, as a "romantic friendship", which would encompass cuddling, emotional intimacy, maybe kissing (I don't care for it, but I'd be willing to compromise, I think), and maybe very, very infrequent weird kinky sex (if he was down for that, obviously), that is if I ended up knowing him long enough.
>>
>>5121422
You just wrote my exact feels
>>
How do you know that someone is asexual?
Don't worry, they'll make sure you know.

Just kidding, you guys are alright.

[spoiler]but for serious[/spoiler]
[spoiler]when will we get spoilers on lgbt[/spoiler]
>>
Why must I be asexual? I got lucky in pretty much every factor but my sexuality ended up landing on the worst side of the 100-sided die.
>>
>>5122832
Lucky you then, I feel like I had my share of bad luck. Bad eyesight, somewhat bad hearing, autism, sexual abuse, obese, asexual,... But from there all good luck. Got graduated finally and finally got a job, although not that well paid. Still no luck with relationships but I can fantasize about that, and occasionally I get to see people I like after wondering if I would see them today.
>>
>>5108827
>>5108832
get out
>>
>>5114132
>I don't have sexual attraction!
>I don't need a psychologist or a medical doctor!
>I'm a special snowflake "orientation"!
lol, you guys are idiots.
>>
>>5114389
>I really don't get why non-vegan and sexual people always interpret telling people you're vegan/asexual in a relevant situation as shoving it down their throats.
because no one gives a shit or cares about your lies.

You don't eat meat and no one will fuck you. Great, you're "oppressed" now.
>you're probably a white girl too
>>
>>5114740
>straight people in normal hetero relationships
>on lgbt
lol, get out seriously.
>>
>>5122933
I don't necessarily see any indications that they're female, anon
>>
>>5123002
lol, because they would be instantly called out on it.

They're female for the same reason they don't belong here. They are a normal, white, middle class, hetero whatever and they want to feel oppressed and be a special snowflake. But they aren't.

So we're going to have these ugly, pink/rainbow haired, likely-ham beast white girls who think they are one of us and can speak for minorities, mudslims, or what ever.

The truth is, they aren't wanted and they are the problem. Fuck off white girl. Go home.
>>
>>5122917
Not having sexual attraction is not a medical or mental condition.

>>5122926
We're not really claiming to be oppressed though.
>>
>>5123014
Asexuals aren't trying to say they're oppressed though. They come here to talk about asexuality because this is a place reserved for that purpose. If you're just going to complain about asexuals posting in an asexual thread, you're the one who should get out. No one is making you look at this thread.
>>
>>5123015
>Not having sexual attraction is not a medical or mental condition.
if you've never been to a doctor, you can't say that.
>We're not really claiming to be oppressed though.
then leave
>>
>>5123023
>They come here to talk about asexuality because this is a place reserved for that purpose.
but it isn't. you have nothing to discuss here.
>>
>>5123025
>if you've never been to a doctor, you can't say that.
I have been to a doctor. They never considered it a cause for concern.

>then leave
No. Where does it say you have to be oppressed to post in /lgbt/?

>>5123028
>but it isn't. you have nothing to discuss here.
I meant this thread, not this whole board. And if you've actually read this thread you'd realize that we do have things to discuss.
>>
>>5123037
>I have been to a doctor. They never considered it a cause for concern.
because you never brought it up.
"By the way, I have absolutely no sexual attraction." would ring alarm bells for a doctor.
>>5123037
>No. Where does it say you have to be oppressed to post in /lgbt/?
you're missing the point snowflake. You don't have to be oppressed to be here or lgbt. You want to be oppressed to be a special snowflake so you can feel better about being an average hetero white girl.
>>
>>5123114
>because you never brought it up.
>"By the way, I have absolutely no sexual attraction." would ring alarm bells for a doctor.
I'm pretty sure I did though, years ago. They asked me if I liked boys or girls, and I basically said I like girls as friends but I'm not interested in doing anything sexual with anyone. They didn't think it was a big deal.

>you're missing the point snowflake. You don't have to be oppressed to be here or lgbt. You want to be oppressed to be a special snowflake so you can feel better about being an average hetero white girl.
No, I do not "want to be oppressed", I merely want a place to discuss being asexual without constantly being told it's a mental illness or something.
>>
>>5123126
>They didn't think it was a big deal.
lol
>>
>>5123145
And you think you know better than the doctors?
>>
>>5123149
ever considered that thought you were gay and didn't want to press you about it because it's embarrassing?

No sexual attraction is pretty bad. It's the most basal of all urges.

You could have a tumor or psychological trauma, snowflake.

Maybe you're just unfuckable and this is another episode of "the fox and the grapes"
>>
>>5123160
I've considered the possibility that I'm gay, but the genitals of both sexes are totally unarousing to me (kind of like >>5118795) and what attraction I do have seems to be mainly directed towards feminine people. I might be okay with dating a feminine guy but I still wouldn't be interested in sex itself.

>You could have a tumor or psychological trauma, snowflake.
I'm pretty sure a tumor would have been picked up by now, and I can think of any experiences of psychological trauma that could have caused this. The only thing that possibly could come close is accidentally seeing 10 seconds of porn when I was around 13 and being disgusted by it. Though that's more like an early sign of asexuality than a cause, and in any case plenty of people watch porn regularly that age and don't end up asexual.

>Maybe you're just unfuckable and this is another episode of "the fox and the grapes"
Possibly, but I never felt a need to seek out sex, so it's not like I gave up after being unsuccessful in sex or something.
>>
I sometimes wake up, having a seemingly clear moment and thinking that I'm repressed gay because I do like some guys. Thought not long after I come to my senses on how that's impossible, and I still don't have any sexual attraction to anyone.
>>
>>5123174
>I'm pretty sure a tumor would have been picked up by now
no.

And you could have a hormone problem. You've never been tested, you were given a single line of questioning many years ago and you frankly don't know shit about yourself.

But yeah, you're this "sexual orientation" that doesn't into sex. Sure.
>>
>>5123190
>And you could have a hormone problem. You've never been tested, you were given a single line of questioning many years ago and you frankly don't know shit about yourself.
"Given a single line of questioning"? What does this mean? You make it sound like someone tried to convince me that I'm asexual, and that's simply not the case. For the longest time I thought I was straight, but that was only because I didn't really understand sexuality. I thought straight guys just liked the way girls looked and only had sex because they wanted kids. But then I learned about sexual attraction and realized I didn't really have that as I had no desire to actually engage in sex acts with anyone, and at that point I decided that asexual is a better label for me.
>>
>>5123204
>and at that point I decided that asexual is a better label for me.
lol
>>
>>5123227
Well yeah, since even if I am somehow a "sexual being" I have no desire to do anything sexual with a partner. Sexualities are not absolute categories, they're just convenient ways of defining who you want to have sex with. Which for me is no one.
>>
>>5123237
perfectly normal, lol
>>
>>5123242
Not really, most people do want to have sex with someone. So it's not exactly "normal".
>>
>>5123248
Good thing you don't go to a doctor. Keep talking online with strangers and where you're unwanted. THAT'LL HELP.
>>
>>5123252
I do go to doctors though. They have yet to say that not desiring sex means there's something wrong with me. And you're pretty much the only person here making this "a place where I'm unwanted". This is an asexual thread after all.
>>
>>5123261
>I do go to doctors though. They
just that you fail to mention a chronic condition of no sexual attraction for your whole life.

I bet you think checking the box on the form for "Single" was enough.
>>
>>5123279
>just that you fail to mention a chronic condition of no sexual attraction for your whole life.
That's what asexuality is though. That doesn't mean it's a disease. The only thing that comes close is HSDD, and even that is only diagnosed if the patient reports that it's causing problems for them. There's no point in trying to "cure" asexuality, if it's even possible, for people that are happy to be that way. It's not contagious or anything.
>>
>>5123296
>That's what asexuality is though. That doesn't mean it's a disease.
you don't know that. You self diagnosed from shit online and looked for "acceptance" from here of all places.
>>
>>5123307
If I was claiming to be suffering from a medical condition, then I would be self-diagnosing. Choosing what sexual orientation you fall into doesn't count as "self-diagnosis" since it's not something that normally requires a doctor. Do gay people go to the doctor just to make sure they're not just straight and in denial about it? Ironically, you're the one that insists on diagnosing people with medical conditions without knowing them or having any medical qualifications.
>>
>>5123313
>If I was claiming to be suffering from a medical condition, then I would be self-diagnosing. Choosing what sexual orientation you fall into doesn't count as "self-diagnosis"
LOL, too good.

perfectlynormal.jpeg
>>
>>5123317
Just curious, when did you go to the doctor to find out your sexual orientation?
>>
>>5123324
I have normal sexual function. There is absolutely nothing normal about not having sexual feelings or a sexuality.

You're deflecting.
>>
>>5123336
If you mean "normal" as in what is statistically most common, then you should expect gays to go to the doctor too.
>>
>>5123345
>If you mean "normal" as in what is statistically most common
most entertaining thread ever.
>>
>>5123359
Well, that's presumably what you meant by "normal". The only other apparent interpretation is that you're using "normal" to mean stuff that you approve of, which is totally subjective and not all scientific.
>>
>>5108801
>1 in every 100 people is a girl pretending to be asexual because "OMG I'm totally a speshul snowflake!"
Actual asexuals are extremely rare. It's definitely not 1 in 100.
>>
>>5114132
Unless you REALLY REALLY like stupid people in overbearing numbers, you're not missing much.
>>
>>5123750
Do you have any evidence of that? I believe the 1 in 100 figure goes back to one of Kinsey's studies way before asexuality was even something people talked about.
>>
>>5123812
Yeah no. I've actively looked for asexuals and only found them ever on one site online that's literally about asexuality. Never met one in real life, never found one online outside of that. I've seen plenty of edgy millennials claiming to be asexual, like happens on this board. They they post a half nude, because asexuals are about pornography.
>>
>>5123841
A lot of asexuals don't have a real need to be open about it, so there's a lot you'll probably never know are ace. And posting half-nude pictures doesn't neccessarily mean they're not asexual, they could just be trying to show they're comfortable with their body to dispel the assumption that asexuals are just prudes or have body image issues. And unfortunately, in modern culture there seems to be this view that if you're not comfortable with showing skin to strangers that there's something wrong with you.
>>
>>5123841
>Trying to disprove the research of an actual professional who did extensive studies on human sexuality. with anecdotal evidence
Nigger...
>>
>>5108801
one time I got asked by my befriend as to why I have never dated.
>>
>>5108801
Does asexual mean you guys do not want sex or can not get/have sex?
>>
>>5124107
No, it means that we're simply not sexually attracted to either sex/gender. Many asexuals actually DO have sex. We can get/have sex, just probably not as easily as some other people can for obvious reasons.
Funnily enough, many asexuals finally realise that they're asexual when they have sex. That's a thing that does happen, probably more frequently than you'd think.

>>5123750
Not according to a scientific study.
Please, try again.
(some study by Anthony Bogaert, I believe. I don't quite feel like finding it right now, shouldn't be too hard for you to locate)
>>
I've brought up with my doctor my lack of sexual desire for five years. I'm always blown off as it not being a big deal. I get half hearted advice
>Exercise more
>Maybe it's your partners you're not attracted to?
>Spice things up

I've given up asking.
>>
Why is this thread in lgbt I would think that this is the last place anyone that is sexual would be
>>
Hey, so I'm a gay man, but I still enjoy sex. I don't mind if my partner doesn't, but I'd still want to have a sexual life. How do I date someone asexual and keep everything peaceful? I wouldn't want them to 'deal' with my needs or anything, so its seems like open is the way to go. How does ace work with monogamy if one of you is sexual?
>>
Anyone ever feel they're alien? Not alienkin or anything, just that humans are so different, living for sex, everything revolves around it, perceived hostility, that's it's only logical that I'm not of this world. Then I actually learned that asexuality is a possibility, despite people claiming it isn't.
>>
>>5125189
Plenty of aces are open to polyamory. You two keep a romantic relationship, they may be okay with you having other sexual relationships.
>>
>have an /acegen/ going for almost a year
>all of a sudden last one taken down
>all these shitposters
>newfags who want attention in the slowest least dramatic general
>'straights' on /LGBT/
3edgy5me, the dankest maymay lords smh tbh fam
>>
>>5127539
>dude asexuality isn't real and you totally don't belong on /lgbt/ and you don't have anything to talk about anyways lmao XD
Maybe we should just make a catchall rebuttal for these kinds of posts and put it in the OP
>>
>>5125189
depends, communication is key. One way my friend made it work with her bf (she is sexual, he is asexual) is this: She gets to sleep with other men, but tells him beforehand. He is allowed to veto anyone he feels uncomfortable with. They live with each other, are pretty much a couple, except for the fact that she sleeps with other men. The bf is 100% asexual, and does not want to participate in any sexual acts, so it works out.
>>
>>5127612
I second this idea.
>>
>>5128291
>>5127612
If you want to rewrite the whole OP to fit that in, feel free. It's just shy of 2000 characters, last I checked. That's the limit.

It's not like people actually read it anyway
>>
>>5126063
Everyday, you are not alone.
>>
why doesn't 4chan has a board about sexuality in general?, I refuse to be in the same board as lgbt people when we have nothing in common and we are obviously bullied by them
>>
So... anyone see swankivy's new video on demis?
>>
Why is it that I get wet watching porn but i don't feel anything?
Best way to explain it is "tons of lubrication" but my mind is completely blank. (almost as if my body is fine in sexual things but my brain is firmly in "sex does not exist, turned on? s/he looks hot? nope you no feelings/change of mood at all

I believe I'm ace but sometimes I worry myself
>>
>30 next month
>No friends
>Never been in a relationship
>Virgin
>I hate it when people look at my eyes when they talk to me
>Never traveled
>Never been to a party
>Don't watch porn because it's gross
>Tiny penis and balls
>Very low testosterone
>Never went back for treatment
>No attraction to people, physical or otherwise

Not sure if asexual or just retarded. I sure am lonely, though.
>>
>>5130030
We actually have more in common than you think. This was actually supposed to be a lgbt+ board which moot confirmed. Besides some are homoromantic, biromantic and/or trans. Also anyone questioning their sexuality might come here to find out what it could be, I know I did.
>>
Would Asexual people be mad if I call myself Asexual based mostly on "lacking interest or desire in sex" instead of "does not experience sexual attraction"?

I still find things attractive as an idea, so to speak. The IDEA of sex is... sexy. But I completely regard it as a fiction, like how war is fun in a game or a movie but just gives you PTSD in real life, so I'd almost certainly never actually have sex and it's incredibly rare to find a real person (ie in person, not on camera) particularly attractive.
It feels weird being around people who're looking to find someone to fuck with when you have no desire to do that, but it further seems weird to claim to be an asexual while feeling some kind of sexual attraction without interest in actually doing the deed.\

I should say I'm not some upset MGTOW or whatever either, it's not that I've realized I won't get sex so I'm mad about it, it's that I simply don't want it as a real world act. If someone offered me sex I'd decline - but as fiction, it's appealing.

If not Asexual, what do you call this? I know that socially nobody's watching you masturbate so you could just claim Asexuality, but I'm interested if this is under the scope of something else.
>>
>>5131854
No, it's not wrong though, it's an effect of not experiencing sexual attraction. What sexual attraction is seems impossible to grasp. There are many forms of attraction see http://imgur.com/pdIxHYc from the OP. So if you see someone you like and and it feels all warm or tingly inside, you can ask yourself, if it's love or lust, and what attracts you to this person. Can you see yourself having sex with this person? Or do you just entertain the notion of sex in general, because you're supposed to think about it, because you think doing it might allow you to 'keep' this person, or just to please them,... But you have to see for yourself, some asexuals do have sex drive to masturbate.
>>
>>5108801
I think this is just a troll thread just like that chaser one.
>>
>>5132287
Or like this post, too.
>>
>>5130441
None of that makes you ace. Do you want to have sex or not? Don't use the asexual thing to label your awkwardness and what you perceive as sexual inadequacies. It's an identity, not a bandaid for your faults.

>no friends
Ugh, gtfo. Asexual folks aren't all rigid, basement dwelling social pariahs.
>>
>>5130441
Autistic/10 And go to a doctor.
>>
>>5132468
But there are some. I suppose based on that last statement in >>5130441 it is possible, likely in combination with some mental disorder. I wouldn't exclude people based on them ruining the image of a 'perfect' pure asexuality, so some other group would accept us better. No, the most important thing is to accept yourself.
>>
>>5132468
>Do you want to have sex or not?

No. Why would I be posting ITT?

>>5132583

They suck. They tell me to take multivitamins and come back in six months. Literally. If I go when running a fever I get antibiotics. That is the extent of doctors for me.
>>
>>5132355
So trollceptotion?
>>
>>5130441
you are clearly asexual

Welcome to the club :D
>>
>>5130202
What a load of shit. Gotta agree with one of the comments on there that demisexuals being included has been causing confusion to the identity's definition and making aces feel broken by having to share the same spaces.
>>
>>5132660
are you just going to the same doctor each time? unless you simply can't switch doctors due to shit insurance or being in a small town, look into the names of clinics & doctors covered by your insurance and then look for reviews of them online until you find a good one. there are definitely doctors that bad, but that's not true of all of them & most people can find good ones if they put effort into looking.
depending on exactly how low t you are, that could become a real health issue, and it's really a good idea to know a competent doctor in case something goes wrong & you really need one.
>>
>>5132850
real people's experiences should not be stifled just so others can give an artificially simplified explanation to outsiders. also why the fuck would asexuals feel "broken" by sharing spaces with demisexuals? how fucking fragile are they that they feel broken not by messages from society that they are such, and constant bombardment of examples of how they're supposed to be, but simply having to deal with people different from them existing in places that fight/ignore those societal expectations?

honestly it just sounds like people pulling the oppression card to throw inconvenient people under the bus, like all the gay & bisexual people who say our presence in their spaces threatens them somehow.
>>
There is no such thing as asexual. Just beta fags with no chance of fucking
>>
>>5133793
I am literally sitting next to somebody right now that would fuck me if I wanted to.
I don't want to.
>>
>>5133822
You get you kicks out of teasing their most fundamental human need
>>
>>5133888
Nah, we have an understanding, their needs are fulfilled by others
>>
>>5133888
>most fundamental human need
>millions of humans have lived 80+ years without any food or water
i think you're lost, anon. this is /lgbt/, not /x/.
>>
>>5133763
Demis have a level of privilege not shared by many members of the ace community, so they should acknowledge it and make sure that they don't belittle the experiences of aces by taking over as the vocal majority.

This isn't comparable to gay and lesbian groups not liking bisexual people, it's closer to comparing trans people with dyphoria to trans people without. There's a fundamental difference in their experiences and one will be more at risk than the other, mentally and emotionally, if they're continually sharing the same spaces which makes them question their existences.

I can imagine it'd be hard on some aces to continually hear demis going "after all this time, I finally felt this thing and it's amazing!", or wallowing on about "I haven't found the person that's set off this thing I know I have!". Thinking you're broken your entire life, finally coming to terms with it, and then having people who seem far more luckier than yourself invade your spaces... it doesn't seem like the sort of thing people would want to stick around for.
>>
>>5134078
i agree completely with your first paragraph. but from the rest of your post you seem to believe that acknowledging privilege is equivalent to completely shutting up and going away, which is ridiculous.

i wasn't comparing the ace/demi conflict to the gay/bi one, but to the gay+bi/ace one. it's a perfectly comparable situation - yeah asexuals have a tough time, but we don't have it nearly as bad as those who experience same-gender attraction. even so, there is no reason at all for other non-straight people to need a whole separate space from us just because we have it somewhat easier. individual groups for gay men, lesbians, and bi people, sure - it's like the various generals here on /lgbt/. but we are not invading their space simply for having an asexual general on this board, or for sometimes posting in other threads. at most, they need our respect and acknowledgement of their unique issues.

saying that you somehow need to not even hear about other people's hardships when they're less extreme than your own is oppression olympics bullshit, plain and simple, and it's disappointing to see this logic on 4chan rather than tumblr.
>>
>>5134188
I wasn't talking about oppression. I'm talking about consideration for others. I don't think demis should shut up, but there should be some kind of greater distinction made between aces and demis in order to benefit both groups and erase confusion. Confusion usually leads people to give up trying to understand, or drives people away who could have used either community's support.

Sorry it came off the wrong way. It's hard to use the lingo which is meant to explain this stuff without coming off as tumblr-tier.
>>
>>5134262
i mean, there definitely should be further clarification on the differences between aces and demis, i just take issue with the idea that demis are "invading" our spaces just by being there, or that aces are traumatized by their mere presence. there are definitely individual demis who speak over aces, deny that they have things easier, than us, etc., and i can see how the presence & input of those individuals could make ace people feel even worse about themselves. but those individuals are assholes, and their demisexuality isn't what makes them assholes.

i'm a little hypersensitive to this issue because it does feel so parallel to the conflict of aces in ~queer~ spaces, and while i was lucky to figure out my orientation late enough that i'd already found decent & supportive people, my (also asexual) best friend wasn't so lucky. i wish i was rational enough that i cared about things based on actual importance rather than personal history, but i guess the nootropics haven't kicked in yet.
>>
>>5134298
True. It's the vocal individuals which are really ruining it and making others uncomfortable and afraid to speak up without being shouted down at. The rest of the demi community could probably try a bit more to take responsibility for them - since nobody else is quite in the same position to do so.

Invasion isn't the right word for this though...
>>
>>5134369
i can mostly get behind that, as long as it doesn't reach tumblr "collect your trash" meme levels, where people are obligated to yell at anyone within their own demographic who doesn't toe their particular sj party line. i think that can be easily curbed by saying that only activists or people with a following who already discuss orientation/gender shit publicly have a strong responsibility to actively distance themselves from the awful people, because their actions are more likely to actually either reinforce or weaken the status quo. i certainly wouldn't mind the quieter people also saying something, of course. i just don't think the effort to results ratio is nearly as worth it overall.
>>
>>5134078
Demis and asexuals seem the same comparison as agnostics vs atheists, after all one can't know is one is demisexual if you never (let it) get to a deeper relation level that would permit that. So some people might think they're demi based on something they're not sure of, but are actually asexual. The difference between the analogy is that with agnost,atheist,... one actually is what they think they are, while with asexuality you always were asexual.
>>
Why would anyone identify as asexual, it seems like something that nobody needs to know, unless you quickly want them to know you're seriously not interested in dating them.

But that would only happen in situations were one goes to places they are likely to be hit on, if one is not interested in dating then they wouldn't go to such a place I'm guessing.

So what is the draw to identifying as such, rather than just living with the disability?
>>
>>5134417
identifying as something is different from announcing it. also i'm not sure how isolated you are from the world, but people who spend lots of time with you, as friends or coworkers or whatever, can become attracted to you without ever meeting you in a bar. and even ignoring that, asexuality is unknown enough that being openly asexual can be useful just to let people know asexuality exists. a lot of us thought we were just broken before we learned about asexuality, and minimizing the feeling-broken period for anyone would be helpful.

some people also just like sharing information about themselves with others in general. i don't need to know what my boss' kids look like, or my cashier's fights with her siblings, or the names of my neighbor's cats, but i certainly know it all anyway. some asexual people do overshare their sexuality, but being open is not the same as oversharing.

also asexuality isn't a disability, it's an orientation.
>>
>>5134441
Certainly a friend hitting on you can be awkward, and saying that will probably get them to back off easily. Thinking that they have a chance is always an issue.

Not being able to experience the full set of human emotions can be considered not having an ability.
>>
>>5134448
a difference from the norm isn't a disability unless it negatively affects your ability to function or causes harm to yourself or others. sexual relationships are just one among many ways to feel pleasure and interact with others, and there's nothing unique to sex that is in any way vital if you don't naturally feel an urge for it. the self-loathing and depression some asexuals feel is pretty much just a milder version of what gay people feel - those feelings exist because we've been taught by others that there's something wrong with us, and if society didn't teach that our orientations are wrong, most of us wouldn't have any orientation-related emotional problems at all.
>>
why do my friends have to like someone i can't stand
why do some of them have to hate each other too
why can't there just be no hard feelings and friendship for all
>>
>>5134078
I have a demi friend who does this stuff - like, she's great and all that but holy fuck I wish she'd take a moment to stop and think about how it's affecting me when she goes on and on. She uses me to complain to about not feeling anything for people but then turns around and tells me I wouldn't understand because I'm just an ace and there's no way I could be struggling like she is
>>
>>5133722

Same doctor. Is low T why I have cellulite on my buttcheeks or is that because I am a lazy depressed asshole who has never exercised? I'm lucky to keep my weight of 165lbs as a 30 year old male who eats fast food every day, but damn that cellulite is annoying and gross.
>>
>>5133793
For many of us, the reason we have "no chance of fucking" is because there is no one we desire sex with. Sure, we could choose to have sex with people we're not sexually attracted to, but that's generally for external reasons.

>>5133922
Kek

>>5134078
How exactly do demisexuals have privilege? If anything I'd think maybe they'd be worse off since neither allos or aces really understand them.

>>5134417
It's usually something that you only need to tell your partner if you have one, and also maybe friends/family if they're persistent enough about asking you why you're not dating/still a virgin that it's worth taking the time to explain to them.

>>5134448
>Not being able to experience the full set of human emotions can be considered not having an ability.
I wouldn't consider sexual attraction to be an emotion in itself, it's just a trait where a particular activity leads to an emotion.
>>
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>>5134417
It's actually really simple:

>"Do you like girls, Anon?"
>"Nope"
>"Oh, so you like guys?"
>"Eh... Actually, no"
>"Wait, what?"
>"I'm asexual"
>"Oh ok"
>>
>>5134417
It's not like I walk around wearing an "I'm asexual, debate me" t-shirt. But it is something that eventually comes up if you spend more than a fleeting amount of time in the company of the same people on a routine basis, such as family, friends, coworkers, etc.
>>
Acefags, why are you guys so fucking intent on shoving your way into the gay community and then complaining that there's too many gay people?

I had an acefag the other day bitch to me that they thought gay pride parades weren't welcoming enough to asexuals because of all the gay sexuality on display.

Like no fucking shit it's not welcoming to you. This isn't fucking FOR you you entitled little shits.
>>
>>5136724
Why do you attribute the actions of one person to an entire group? I have no desire to be part of the gay/queer community, precisely because of its hypersexual nature.
>>
>>5136724
>I had this happen to me once with one specific person, therefore everyone does it
Try again. You ain't gonna fool anyone.
>>
>>5136737
> I have no desire to be part of the gay/queer community
Then why the fuck are you here? This is the LGBT board, we keep telling you guys to get lost and you keep fucking coming back anyway.

>>5136738
Please, you faggots do this all the time.
>>
>>5125189
Wouldnt an asexual just reject you, since they are not attracted to either sex? They are not attracted to the same sex, that would make them bisexual, pansexual or bisexual.
>>
>>5137012
What is love?
>>
>>5136964
>Please, you faggots do this all the time.
I've never known of an asexual person to complain that pride parades are too sexualized. I mean, that's kind of become the whole point of pride parades and even plenty of allo gays are starting to hate pride because of that.
>>
>>5137312
You don't know? I suppose if you're not attracted to anyone you would never know.
>>
>>5137312
Baby don't hurt me
>>
>>5135971
>How exactly do demisexuals have privilege?

They have a level of privilege not accessible to asexuals if you compare the two groups. It makes sense, since even if it's difficult they can experience sexual attraction - something which aces are unable to so it's more difficult for them to understand and fit in within a hyper-sexualised world. They can also impose a hierarchy of superiority over asexuals because of this if they're total dicks about it. The more extreme ones have also been known to participate in asexual erasure by using posts about asexual awareness to swing the conversation towards demisexuality rather than make their own posts about it.
>>
>>5137990
Do romantic asexuals have privilege over aros?
>>
>>5136724
It's the tumblr aces that are doing it. Older aces don't really care as much, but the tumblr ones are so desperate to associate asexuality with oppression they're doing what you described.
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>>5137990
They can also have normal relationships because they'll want sex once they have that emotional connection.

That's fucking huge.
>>
>>5137999
Not really, since love is much easier to understand than sexual attraction is and you can find other kinds of love through many different connections like a best friend or family.
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>>5137999
What is a romantic asexual? That doesn't make sense to me.
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>>5138097
Can be romantically attracted to people, cannot be sexually attracted to people.

Like they'll get crushes and shit without actually wanting sex or finding sex interesting.

It's weird to me too.
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>>5136964
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>>5138040
I disagree.

>>5137990
>The more extreme ones have also been known to participate in asexual erasure by using posts about asexual awareness to swing the conversation towards demisexuality rather than make their own posts about it

I often see asexuals engage in aromantic erasure when explaining asexuality to people. "Oh, just because we don't want sex doesn't mean we don't fall in love" with a strong undertone of "see, we're not COMPLETE freaks."
>>
>>5136964

As a lesbro who has dated an asexual... go away. Seriously I come on lgbt every once in a blue moon and I see this shit.

you can be asexual while dating people homoromantically. If you think people don't engage in sex even if they aren't attracted sexually to their partner you're mistaken. It happens every day.

Sexuality is a spectrum.
>>
>>5117384
l-l-l-logical fallacy.
>>
>>5138189
I usually see it said as "capable of love", which involves familiar love and friends and that. But there is some truth to what you said there when it's phrased as "we can fall in love". I think it comes from the fear that aces are seen as unfeeling robots or psychopaths.

If the phrasing was different from what you said, the erasure wouldn't be as bad.
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>>5138114
But I thought if they had romantic attraction then they weren't asexual, at least I was led to believe that one cannot be homosexual and asexual at the same time for example. So how can they have romantic attraction?
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>>5138278
Sexual orientation is only about romantic and sexual attraction, not platonic love like with siblings children friends or parents, so I doubt people think they are incapable of that kind of love.
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>>5138290
Who do you want to kiss on the mouth vs on the genitals
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>>5138290
Not ace, but there is a concept of romantic orientation in the ace community. You can't be homosexual and asexual, but you can be homoromantic and asexual. Which of course begs the question, with sexual attraction out of the picture, what reason is there to prefer one sex over the other when it comes to romance?
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>>5138314
So you're saying that homosexuality is only about sex, that is not how it is defined, that is a very homophobic thing to say dude, think about it .
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>>5138321
Same sex attraction of the romantic type makes one homosexual, or at least bisexual by definition.
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>>5138335

Sexuality =! Sexual

Even Kinsey has reported on this shit.

You're arguing semantics.
>>
>>5138365
To quite Wikipedia:
Homosexuality (from Ancient Greek ὁμός, meaning "same", and Latin sexus, meaning "sex") is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality is "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions" to people of the same sex. It "also refers to a person's sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions."[1][2]

Along with bisexuality and heterosexuality, homosexuality is one of the three main categories of sexual orientation within the heterosexual–homosexual continuum.[1]

You're welcome to go and change it if you want.
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>>5138378

>romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or gender.
>or
>not and

So you can be homosexual asexual.

Ok? Glad we worked out the grammar.
>>
>>5138347
not when you acknowledge that romantic orientation can be separate from sexual orientation. "homosexual asexual" doesn't make nearly as much sense as "homoromantic asexual"
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>>5138410
LOL that's just a myth then you are basically just best friends with out the sex.....
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>>5138422
Would you want to live with your best friend, spend all your time with them, and cuddle up with them?
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>>5138422
You can fuck someone without physically feeling attracted to them.

Sometimes we forget that marriages happen.
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>>5138410
Dude are you arguing with me or Wikipedia now, they define gay as the same as homosexual and as someone who has attraction (romantic and/or sexual) to the same sex. That is the common usage of the words, are you arguing against common usage here?

Are you saying gay is only about sexual attraction?
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>>5138388
I have no problem with that, but the way you define asexual is weird then it should also also include the lack of romantic attraction as well.
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>>5138410
Probably shouldn't define the word asexual to include people that have romantic attraction to other people as well, they should be excluded, if you're going to argue it is a sexual orientation that is.
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>>5138446
no, i'm saying that due to unfortunate circumstances, "homosexual" & its equivalents have two different definitions, one including romantic attraction and one not. the point of language is to communicate and get ideas across, and regardless of dictionary definitions, calling someone a "homosexual asexual" is ridiculous and would only serve to cause confusion, whereas "homoromantic asexual" is very easy to grasp even when you've never heard of romantic orientation being its own thing before. it would be nice to have a suffix to replace -sexual that could indicate purely erotic attraction, & i even just asked my gay linguist uncle if he knew of any semi-intuitive ones that could work, but such a suffix is not yet in use so we've got to work with what we've got.
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>>5138454

Why can't asexual also encompass a lack of romantic attraction too.

>or
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>>5138472
haha, no. actual people's experiences matter more than wikipedia semantics.
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>>5138335

What >>5138365 said. I know you're well-intentioned, you're just confused over terminology. People use the term "sexuality" typically to refer to both someone's romantic and sexual orientation. This is because it's only recently been brought to light that romantic and sexual attraction are two different--albeit often concurrent--things.

Which is why some gay asexuals actually use the term "homoromantic asexual" or "gay asexual" instead of "homosexual asexual", to avoid this very same confusion.

Here's a pic to help explain it, it's kinda tumblr-y, I know, but it's all I have at the moment. If you google "romantic vs. sexual attraction" though you can find some really good images that might clear things up for you.
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>>5138505
Prefix then, erotic attraction sounds a bit much?

Using your definition I would have bisexual erotic attraction and homosexual romantic attraction or orientation. Technically making me bi.

Either way homosexual as just a word has been used as synonymous with gay or someone with same sex romantic or sexual attraction for many years, probably 65 or more, maybe not gay but homosexual for sure. But saying it is only erotic attraction is old school homophobic though. The narrative that gays only care about sex?
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>>5138550
Why adopt a suffix used to denote the sex of which people are attracted to, and try to warp it to be about sexual attraction instead of sexual orientation?
>>
>>5138422

I... I'm always really creeped out when people use this argument.

Let me ask you this: Do you feel the urge to hold your mother's hand, kiss her on the lips, cuddle with her in bed, etc.?
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>>5138563
well, yes, that's one of the two main arguments for why we need an alternative suffix. though honestly if you extend that logic the word "homosexual" itself is homophobic, since when it was coined it was used by a medical community who believed that gay people's divergence was purely sexual and that gay romance was fabricated or impossible.
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>>5138321
>with sexual attraction out of the picture, what reason is there to prefer one sex over the other when it comes to romance?
aesthetic preference?
>>
>>5138581
how exactly is sexual attraction different from sexual orientation?
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>>5138550
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>>5138290
Well, if you just have romantic attraction to the same gender, you wouldn't be homoSEXUAL, but homoROMANTIC instead. So it is possible to be romantically attracted to the same gender (homoromantic) while not experiencing sexual attraction (asexual).

>>5138335
Technically, it is. Homosexuality just means you want to fuck the same sex. That's true of all sexual orientations. However, it's generally assumed that someone who is homosexual is also homoromantic, since most people aren't familiar with the concept of romantic orientation and view it all as part of sexuality.
>>
Holy fucking shit, one week and we're almost in need of a new thread.
Topic ideas? I'm almost tempted to use google sheets to make a form thing so you guys can submit them and I can keep a record of the ideas.
>>
I'm a bisexual male and I have a huge crush on an asexual female. She's also one of my closest friends and I don't want to soil our friendship by confessing to her. Wat do?
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>>5137999
Nope. You could even argue to the contrary that romantic asexuals feel the need for relationships but are very unlikely to find a lasting one wherein everyone involved is happy.
>>
>>5138321
Disliking one sex more than the other.
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>>5108801
I found out i was asexual when I finally got around to sex and i didn't like it penis and vag is ewwww
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>>5138776
Using common usage it matches up with what Wikipedia says so I'll quote them:

Sexual orientation is an enduring pattern of romantic or sexual attraction (or a combination of these) to persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, or to both sexes or more than one gender. These attractions are generally subsumed under heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality,[1][2] while asexuality (the lack of sexual attraction to others) is sometimes identified as the fourth category.[3][4][5][6]
>>
>>5140216
So I'm Pansexual demisexual that just happens to be an ace
>>
>>5139832
Why are you trying to redefine the word homosexual, language is meant to communicate with other people, if you take a word and redefine it because you don't like its meaning you can't communicate with others.

Look up the word homosexual on Wikipedia, if you disagree that is the common usage go ahead and change it there. But I'm pretty sure Wikipedia editors will revert it, since they go by what the common usage actually is.

Stop trying to invalidate what words mean, dude.
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>>5140221
You would date a non gender binary person?

Doesn't demisexual denote that you do want sex?
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>>5140234
It means I'm attracted to people that I know on a personal level and yes I would. :)
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>>5140227
homosexual doesnt mean you lust for cock and asshole get over it, its more to do with liking men in a non sexual way like friends that you want to marry and just happen to have to provide sexual favors for.
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>>5140107
google sheets would be a great idea
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>>5140227
Most people don't use the Wikipedia definition though. The majority of people assume "homosexual" means sexually attracted to the same sex/gender. If I told someone I was homosexual and they later found out that I'm interested in gay relationships but not gay sex they'd likely say that I lied to them and was leading them on.
>>
>>5140121
What would be the point of hitting on her? You're not going to convert her with the power of your sexual dick. Keep being a friend and not being a creep, and if that's too much for you to handle, an hero
>>
>>5136235
>>5134417
There is a certain advantage to people not knowing you're asexual. It gives you power over people if you use it in the right way. Telling someone that you won't date them because you're not into their gender, or not into anyone at all, is letting them off easy. It tells them they never had a chance. Far better to make them think they had a chance and blew it, or that they would have had a chance if they were somehow better. When some guy doesn't know you're asexual, you can tell him "Oh, I'm into guys; I'm just not into you." When you know you're immune to seduction, you can get into situations where you can no-sell people's advances on you and make them feel like shit about themselves. Not something to do to friends, but a fun thing to do to strangers now and then.
>>
>>5140121
Tell her, I suppose. She may be romantic. If she is, then a relationship may be able to form. No harm in trying.
>>
>>5141218
You can't fake your way through a relationship where one side wants sex and the other doesn't.

[spoiler]I've tried ;_;[/spoiler]
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>>5141258
Just got broken up with for the same reason. Feels bad.
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>>5141258
you can if both of you are cool with having a polyamorous/open relationship
i've been with my partner about a year now, and she's lived with me and my roommate for maybe six months. she has other partners, the local ones also being my friends, and since i feel no jealousy about it, it has worked out just fine. like honestly i went into this relationship with so many worries, but the biggest issue has been when both of our anxieties rise as the house gets messier but none of us have the energy to clean.
>>
>>5143746
Still doesn't work. If they want sex WITH YOU, they're going to resent you for withholding it no matter how much they're getting on the side. For a lot of fuckers, sex is the whole point of the relationship, so with sex out of the picture you're seen as a glorified housekeeper or just as dead weight.
>>
I'm in a relationship with a trans man who's just started hormones and he's been horny on the reg. Before his drive was low enough that I could just let him do his thing and we'd leave the tv on for me to watch.
I'm to scared to tell him that since he's been on T, his escalated sex drive has literally turned my indifference to repulsion. I don't want to hurt his feelings and his confidence just started going up, how do I tell him without hurting his feelings?
>>
>>5144632
if they are able to get sex elsewhere and still can't value you without getting it with you personally, they're often incredibly shitty people. i'd never blame a monogamous person for finding "no sex" a dealbreaker in a relationship, but "no sex with one individual" really isn't hard to respect. i've had plenty of friends who remained my friend & became quite close to me after i rejected them sexually. the only issue with a romantic relationship is if you cuddle a lot & they have low self-control - that's understandable, but while some people do genuinely have low self control, many others use it as an excuse to get what they want (not just sexually).

back before i became sex-repulsed i would sometimes have strong sexual urges towards uninterested (or potentially dangerous) people, and i was always able to redirect those urges elsewhere. of course i couldn't redirect it towards people i wasn't already interested in, but with effort i managed to focus on the ones i was originally less interested in and weaken my focus on people i couldn't be with. that might not be a possibility for everyone, i've never seen anything beyond anecdotal evidence either way, but it's definitely true for at least some.
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>>5144743
If you like you can put a positive spin on it. You can tell him that he never passes more completely than when he's making unwanted sexual advances on you. That's really what it means to be a man.
>>
>>5144877
Respect it or not, it happens. I can't exactly blame people for not wanting any part of someone who won't fuck them, because they have different needs. If nothing I do is addressing a person's needs, I can't expect them to just lay around and take care of my needs for nothing.
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>>5144993
it may happen, but it's not very common in my/my friends' experiences with poly partners. we do live in a big enough area that we can be picky about who we befriend & date, though, and avoid the really shitty parts of ~poly culture~ i've seen on fetlife or okcupid
>>
>>5132250
Based on that chart, I'd say it's not sexual attraction in that it's not really to a specific person. It's just that looking at pornography makes things stir. It's like a 'desire for sex' insofar as that desire can be placated by masturbation, but the idea of actual sexual intercourse with another person doesn't ever occur and when considered outside pornography seems repulsive.
>>
>>5145016
Neither of our personal experience is enough to be a proper sample, but all the poly people I know are poly so that they can have more sex, not less. They're hypersexual and very hard to relate to. I'm just like "yeah, good for you with all the sex, have fun" in the way you might respons to someone going on too long about cars or vacation photos.
>>
>>5144877
It's probably way easier for someone who would eventually identify as asexual to repress sexual feelings, as they probably weren't very strong to begin with. I think people with normal or higher sex drives honestly can't help the stupid shit they do. No amount of inward focusing can change them or take up more real estate in their brains than their mating urges. Even powerful social pressure and/or therapy can't get them to ignore attraction, just like it can't stop gayfags from being gay or pedophiles from being pedophiles. They're just stuck on autopilot, with reason being nowhere near the strongest of their motivations.
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>>5145831
honestly, i'm asexual because i randomly became sex-repulsed 8-10 months ago. i'm pretty sure i'd still be attracted to others if the repulsion didn't exist (though it's not like the attraction is actually there & repressed right now, or at least i have no conscious awareness of it). i had a pretty high sex drive, and had quite a bit of sex when trustworthy people were around. though i never did have any sort of unsafe sex even when tempted, so maybe it is still weaker than what others experience.
>>
Im fairly skeptical about whether asexuality is an actual orientation or just some mental illness trying to pass as that.
Not that it matters much. If you don't wanna have sex that's your business.
>>
>>5146014
Orientation vs mental illness is pretty much subjective anyway, it's just what humans call certain traits.
>>
>>5146014
>Im fairly skeptical about whether homosexuality is an actual orientation or just some mental illness trying to pass as that.
>Not that it matters much. If you wanna have sex with other men that's your business.

Literally what most people were saying 20 years ago.
>>
>>5145966
What happened? Did you get raped or something? Generally people don't turn a complete 180 on sex without trauma or menopause or something.
>>
>>5146111
I think definition of mental illness usually means that it creates distress in some way. I suppose for some it does, no?
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>>5141112
Sounds kind of sociopathic to play with people's emotion instead of sympathizing with them. I guess if you never know what it is like to fall for someone you would not know how much it hurts them.
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>>5147513
Eh, I think there are things that don't cause distress that could still be mental illnesses? I dissociate a lot which helps me get through shitty 9-5 job more easily but is also, like, not exactly healthy.
>>
>>5147526
I know it hurts them. If it didn't hurt them I wouldn't waste my time doing it.
>>
So, asexual people don't feel aroused ever?
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>>5149473
I don't get why you would need to hurt people. Unless you hurt them because you love them, as if they would grow to be a better person from the experience.
>>
>>5151026
Asexual people don't experience sexual attraction. They may or may not experience general arousal.
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>>5147486
no, it's really weird. i became sex-repulsed, became much more picky about food to the point that i've been losing weight too quickly, and lost my ability to pay attention to prose longer than 50 pages. only the last one has changed back so far, and the changes don't seem tied to any obvious changes in medication or hormones, but i'll be seeing a doctor next week because the food issue is becoming actually debilitating, so we'll see.
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>>5151398
Can you define arousal in this case and how it differs from sexual attraction?
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>>5117405
>Friendly reminder that you can hide the thread by clicking the little minus sign to the left, or by filtering "/acegen/" through 4chan's settings (top right). For those of you who continue to insist that we do not belong here: /lgbt/ is the most relevant board on 4chan for the discussion of GSRMs (gender, sexual, romantic minorities) which includes asexuals and asexuality
>>
>>5118748
I would like to know this as well.
>>
>>5123149
Socially it's a big deal.

Medically it is not.
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>>5136724
Although actually we are, if you can imagine how few of us get to have meaningful intimate relationships compared to the rest of LGBT.
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>>5152872
I'm aroused right now. My penis is erect and I have an urge to masturbate. I'm not really thinking of doing anything sexual with anybody, I just feel like masturbating
>>
>>5153485
And if you masturbate to pornography, this is still merely arousal and not sexual attraction?
>>
>>5153525
That's kind of a gray area, however for the purposes of orientation generally only interpersonal attraction "counts". This is why people say porn doesn't define sexual orientation. Like you can be aroused by porn, even weird fetish stuff, but it's really who you have the desire to have sex with that defines orientation.
>>
>>5153692
What if you fap to weird fetish stuff(non-intercourse) while identifying and replacing yourself as one of the characters?
>>
>>5153714
That's iffy, I think.

>>5153525
Who said I masturbate to pornography? I typically just masturbate and try not to think of the sexual experiences I've had (they tend to be a turn-off and that gets in the way of solving being horny/aroused)
>>
This thread went awfully fast, anyone have any ideas for the next edition?
>>
>>5154430
not having it
>>
>>5154523
hahahahahahahahahahaha

good post my friend, nice witty banter coming out from anon
>>
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Do aces hate grey-a as much as they hate Demi's?
>>
>>5154407
>Who said I masturbate to pornography?
It's just hypothetical to clarify things.
>>
>>5155085
I don't hate them, but I think the concept is stupid. AVENwiki defines gray-asexuals as people who:

>do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

So what, like normal people except with a slightly lower sex drive? Do we really need an identity for that?
>>
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I'm so glad their a thread about people that are not /lgbt/ and that every other post isn't a shit post.
>>
>>5155733
It's a tumblr definition, trying to let non-ace people identify as ace.

>>5155085
I hate the grey thing more than demi, but only a bit. I see demi as more of a stepping stone to accepting oneself to be ace for some, and for others as a way to identify as ace when they aren't really ace. Grey is just straight up bs

>>5154430
I mean, could do a vague "November Edition" or something. Halloween edition would be too late.

>>5155846
What?
>>
>>5156177
Bump limit raised? Thread says 304 (now 305) posts, but I just bumped it with my reply.
>>
>>5155085
I don't have a problem with gray-a, though I don't consider the term to include allo people with low sex drives, it's more for people who experience what could be arguably classified as sexual attraction but doesn't make them desire to do sexual things with another person.

>>5156182
I think bump limit has been around 310 or so for a while now.
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>ace
>Does art hoe photos on flickr
>topless but you can't see anything
>1000s more views for all of these over my other ones
>Just find it amusing.
>>
oh, we could do a No-fap November edition and ask who masturbates, I guess.
Perhaps an "should A be in LGBT?" thing. These threads always seem to go that way anyways
>>
bump?
>>
>>5155172
well for me porn cant get me hard, only specific personal scenarios can do that seeing a naked body on its own isnt arrousing for me
>>
Yep, apparently the new bump limit is 310. Don't know why though, they usually keep it at a nice round number and 310 doesn't seem enough of a difference from the old 300 to be worth the trouble.
>>
still no good thread ideas
Do I just make a general general?
>>
>>5155733
attraction is not the same as sex drive. i think there are definitely people who don't realize how rare sexual attraction can be for an ordinary person at any given moment, but if, say, you have literally two or three exceptions to the "no sexual attraction" rule, gray-asexuality makes sense as a label to use.

>>5156177
not exactly the same, but i used gray-aromantic as a stepping stone to realizing i was entirely aromantic. i honestly doubt i would've accepted my aromanticism nearly as quickly without it, since i was so uncomfortable with denying the validity of a past relationship where i may have had genuine romantic feelings for the other person. but after awhile of calling myself gray-aromantic, i actually talked with my ex & she was like "i'm not gonna be offended or anything if you call yourself full aro, that's silly, we were high schoolers" and i finally felt comfortable dropping the "gray." if i hadn't accepted that, i know that there were certain people i would've agreed to date thinking "well they're cool, maybe i'll develop feelings for them because they're so cool" and i probably would've lost a couple more friends unless our eventual breakups were extremely well handled
>>
>>5162616
#blacklivesmatter edition
cute cats edition
dada vs. cubism edition
post-halloween sales edition
>>
We had a self-discovery edition, how about a (self-)acceptance edition?
>>
>>5162876
I like this, it's a nice continuation. I'll work on it later today. This thread should at least last the day
>>
>>5151095
I don't need to; I like to. And no, I don't love them. When I toy with people it's usually strangers or people that clueless acquaintances try to set me up on blind dates with (They think I just haven't met the right person yet, and I've given up arguing the contrary.) If I have to put up with being treated as deficient, I'm going to turn it around and make sexual people feel the way they want to make me feel.
>>
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I never believed in demisexual or gray-ace bullshit but the way I behave sounds like it, is it real?

>4 month relationship
>head over heels romantically attracted, but never felt anything sexual for him
>he was attractive and "my type"

>1 year long relationship
>sexual like a normal one
>but now i can't even masturbate to anyone else
>celebrity crushes are no longer attractive, people in my fap folder i can't get up a spark of lust for them
>>
>>5163862
Who cares? Labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. Just do what you want and let other people worry about categorizing it. This is like the most common problem people on /lgbt/ have, and it's needless and stupid.
>>
>>5163927
You are other people, so can you categorize me or do y'all think it's typical?
>>
>>5163976
It sounds like you've had a couple of different but basically good relationships, you have a sex drive sometimes, and your main problem is a fixation on being labeled.
>>
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>>5164029
>fixation on being labeled
I want to know if I fit the criteria for something. That way I can look into forums and such to read about similar people. Especially if this is asexual related it could cause me problems in the future with not being attracted to my partner. Unclench your butthole and stop bitching about people needing labels because you've already figured out who you are.
>>
>>5164064
You're not asexual, you just have a low sex drive. If it's a problem you want to fix, try to get help. If not, say you're asexual. But at no point should you change your behavior because you don't think it matches the identity you've picked or that others have picked for you.
>>
>>5114694
Are you me?
>>
>>5163798
I do that too... mostly when I'm angry at my aromanticism. It feeds my ego.
>>
God I feel so lonely in autumn ... I'm almost 21 ... how have I never had a boyfriend at this stage? I'm not really interested in sex, I just want a companion to do things with and cuddle sometimes.

>cry
>>
Alright, Gaygen told me to come over here.

I love guys, not girls.
Im basically straight in what Im willing to do sexually (top). Anyone here wiling to be my bf?
>>
tfw no cuddly waifu to watch bob ross with

>>5126063
Yes, I really hate my humanity.
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