/wfg/ Writefag General-the /k/afe

Bump.
Also, to HFG, what is the correct order of pastes? If it's not too much trouble, can you number them? Please?

i am working on an update, i promise

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>>33124639
I am also working on an update, Kek help you.

We're here for the good, bad, and the shitty stories, right?
Serial-anon, signing on.

The sun seared hot even through the forest canopy, a far cry from yesterday's torrential dounpour.

The jungle is not a fun place to be, the air thick of mosquitoes laden with all kinds of diseases. The ground is teeming with all kinds of creatures, be it the smallest of arachnids with the most potent of venom, to beasts fully capable of mangling a healthy man to a shapeless lump.

Marv tore through the tough vines and vegetation that block his path with the machete. There is no time to stop, he knew. He wanted to reach the mobile gun systems before they left. A look at his watch tells him that it is an hour past twelve noon.

It eventually became noticeable that the sounds of the forest dwindled down, the merry chirping of birds and the croaking of frogs were all replaced with silence. Only the light billowing of wind and the accompanying light rustling of leaves got through.

Marv paused, listening, observing.

Amidst the rustling, he believes that he could hear a dull thud. No, it's a sequence of thuds.

Then a faint whistling sound became apparent. It grew louder and sharper. Nearer.

Before he could even take any action, an explosion tore through a nearby tree, wooden splinters began to displace the air around him. Another one followed, sending up dust and dirt into the air.

His ears are ringing, the characteristic screech of tinnitus drowning out the booms of the incoming shells.

There is no other thing on Marv's mind but to run.

Run fast, away from this pandemonium.

>>33125125
His surroundings erupted into smithereens of whatever material they are made of. The air quickly became a murk, impeding his vision.

He suddenly felt his foot going light on him.

His run turned into a tumble down a steep incline. Rocks pelted his body with each tumble and roll. The contents of his pack prodded up his back, so did both of the handguns he has on his possession.

His downhill journey abruptly ended as he smacks right into a tree stump.

All he can muster are groans of anger, irritation, and extreme pain as he tries to roll on his back. The backpack impeded him, however, and so he unsnaps the latches on the straps.

The RPG lay upon his left flank, nothing seemed to be broken from the fall.

>>33125137
He notices bleeding on his left arm. A closer look shows that a wooden shard, roughly 4 inches in length, has embedded itself on his forearm. Blood is trickling slowly onto the ground.

Marv has to think over the situation.

Pull off the shard, reduce risk of infection, but may take too much time and get captured. Leave it on, blood everywhere makes it easy to track him, may get infected.

The first option seemed much better, and so he went to work.

With his right arm, he pulls a handkerchief from his pocket, wrapping it around one of the Jericho's spare magazine. He then places it on his mouth, clamping down on it with his teeth.

His arm then searches inside a backpack compartment for the bottle of alcohol and a roll of gauze. Knowing fuck-all about wound treatment, his plan is to just wash the wound down with disinfectant, then wrap it up with the bandage.

With all the things he need within his reach, Marv now seeks to find the balls to actually do it. He bit on the magazine harder than before, his hand now touching the shard. He swears that he could feel it move inside.

In one sharp motion, he yanks the foreign material out.

>>33125144
Marv then flung the wood shard into the woods.

With the magazine still in his mouth, he winced as he pours alcohol on the wound cavity. His agony began to fade, however, and so he began to wrap gauze around his arm.

He took his time to drop the magazine from his mouth, the metallic taste having permeated through the cloth of his handkerchief.

>"Well, that ain't so bad."
He smirked by himself as he dusts his clothes off and began to stand up his legs.

Something is wrong, however, as he once again drops to the ground in pain.
A loud
>"FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!"
permeated through the woods, sending all kinds of creatures out of their roosts.

>"MY LEG! MY FUCKING LEG!"

Another flurry of expletives aimed at no one followed until Marv decided to calm himself the fuck down and think of the circumstances.

>"My shoe, my shoe has to go."

He groans as he reaches for the laces of his shoes. Slowly, he unwoven them from the holes, making the footwear as loose as possible to allow his foot to slip free.

>>33125151
Marv huffed and puffed as he slowly inches the shoe off his damned foot. Every second seemed like hours.

All he could muster at the end of it was final sigh of relief, his foot seemingly feeling better after that little ordeal.

>"Can't walk. Near night. Fuck me, fuck this, fuck everything!"

>"I would crawl. Yes, crawl all night. Yes, yes, no. Wait. The RPG! A crutch it would be."

He slowly claws over to the rocket launcher's sling to draw it nearer, which he does. The launcher is then propped up cone-side-down as he puts on the backpack full of valuable supplies.

Marv then slowly rises up, putting much of his weight on the weapon to support him. Inch-by-inch, then foot by foot he regains his steps.

>"Yes! This is working!"
He exclaimed.

His celebration is cut short as he hears the distinct snap of a branch from the bush right behind him.

>>33125231
I actually held back from posting anything in the past few days, for I believed it was absolute shite.
Well, comments? Suggestions?

Also, how do human relationships work?
Is it better to be just friends with a female?
How do you know if someone just replies to you just 'cause?

>>33125250
dude's in a fucked up situation.

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>>33125250
>Also, how do human relationships work?
idk if this is the right place to ask.

>Is it better to be just friends with a female?
Better than what? Enemies? Contrary to popular belief, females do not operate on magic, even if they can be hard to understand. Everyone appreciates a friend though, even if they say they don't

Closing out Chapter Four and storyboarding Chapter Five

Nike took the hot sauce bottle and shook its contents over her food, dousing it in the green liquid.

“Don’t put it all in one spot Corporal” The other giantess said as she grabbed the bottle and sprinkled it around on Nike’s food.

“Thanks I’ve never used a bottle that small before” said Nike, offering an explanation for her ineptitude.

“They make bigger ones but not in this flavor. Shame really I think this one’s the best.” The giantess explained as she held up the small green bottle.

Nike stirred up her food and took bite, she was surprised at the tangy flavor that intertwined with the umami of the meat, masking the chemical processed flavor.

“It’s actually good!” She exclaimed somewhat amazed.

“I know right” The other giantess replied. “It’s a shame really, I’ve heard that the normal troops get proper condiments and actual food, unlike us. If only they’d focus on the little things here, it’d make it a whole lot better for us. That and actually letting us do our jobs.”

Nike remembered that now the fighting season had begun the engineers rarely went out to construct and service bases. If anyone went it certainly wouldn’t be a giantess.

“I’m Pax by the way.” The giantess said as she extended her hand.

>>33125560
“Nice to meet you Pax I’m-“

“We know who you are Corporal” Pax replied. “Whole base does, or well this side of it anyway.”

“Wait…you do” Nike asked bemused. She really didn’t know she’d achieved such a rapport only for being an HFG.

“Yeah you’re the chick with an actual building!” Pax said.

“…Oh”

“I mean do you KNOW how awful it is being in these freaking tents?! Half of them don’t even have AC! Not because we can’t put them in but because they’re broken!” And when we asked for parts but those jerks said “They weren’t a priority and were unable to ship” or some bullshit! Now half of us are sweating our asses off in those things. And don’t even get me started on the scorpions! They get everywhere, but they’re so damn hard to see! We have to get inspected twice a week just to remove bugs from our stuff! These conditions are unjust, expressively showing our position as second-class within this Army!” Pax concluded with a somewhat theatrical flair.

Nike just sat there, stunned. She didn’t know of she should bust out laughing or start clapping at this bizarre oration she’d just witnessed.

>>33124444
Waste of quads

>>33125250
its good to be friends, as JT said is a lot better than enemies thats for sure

>how do relations work

i think this might not be the best place to ask, idk how im in a relationship now

>>33125250
>how do relationships work?
Tough question, but it literally depends on the nature of the relationship.

>is it better to just be friends with a female?
I have a long-standing tradition of dealing with any woman in the following way; assume she has no sexual interest in you, is already someone's significant other, and treat her as if she was your little sister. It works, insofar as one can say that. I haven't burned any bridges that way, so I can at least imply that staying friends is better than anything else.

>how do you know if someone just replies to you just 'cause?
It's trial and error. Body language understanding is a must. Past that, no idea about specifics, but one big indicator is that she's not paying attention to you when she responds.

Finally continuing The Road Home.
Part 1: http://pastebin.com/PMNm2gfz
Part 2 (up to now): http://pastebin.com/zxnS0qgc

>The next few minutes passed in relative silence as you prepared the meal and your Mosin washed fruit as pseudo-punishment for the previous night. Yu was correct in saying earlier that you didn’t reprimand your guns at all- or at least as much as she would like you to, but you found it as a good excuse to have an assistant in the kitchen.
>You kept preparing breakfast, mainly from memory of your time as kitchen staff, but occasionally glancing over at the notes you had prepared for the sauce. You never really found adding raspberry sauce to anything added much flavor, but it looked impressive, so you broke out the parlor trick for guests, new geists, and even yourself on occasion.
>While you worked in the kitchen, Jacklyn had situated herself in front of the TV, finding reruns of a show starring a certain doomed-by-a-stingray crocodilian wrangler to watch to pass the time.
>As you were just about to start straining your sauce, you heard a familiar groaning sound and weighted footsteps make their way up the stairs.
>Head hanging low, and partially obscured by long, sleek, blackish-brown hair, a slouched girl made her way and rested her forehead on your shoulder, a set of glasses digging into your shirt. She was wearing a plain olive t-shirt and a pair of black and green plaid flannel pants, her feet bare on the laminate wood flooring.
“You doing okay, Dia?” you ask, sympathetic to her nightmare last night.
>The only response was a loud groan.
“Was it the dream?”
>“Of course it was,” she said, her voice coming out a little muffled.
“Was it too bad after I woke up?”
>She lifted her head up, leering into your eyes. The light of the rising sun came through one of the windows in the kitchen, her turquoise eyes catching it through her red-framed glasses and shining brilliantly, despite the fact they offered only a threat.

>>33127602
>“Anon you better not pull that shit again,” she warned with a hint of seriousness that concerned you for it only having been a dream.
“So you want me to wake you up at 6:30 on a Saturday morning?” you asked, hoping to make light of the situation.
>“I’m going to use the computer,” she huffed, ignoring you, shoving her hands in her pocket and moving towards the hallway connected to the kitchen.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” you called as she walked away, knowing full well she would likely end up on a certain board, arguing with people and geists that she deemed plebs.
>You let out a sigh as you went back to breakfast. You had autopiloted through making the sauce and were back at the griddle, dipping thick slices of bread into a mixture before putting them on the iron pan. As each piece was finished, you set them on a pan in your oven, which you had heated up slightly beforehand, in order to keep them warm.
>Near the fifteenth slice, two more geists ascended the stairs into the living room. The smaller of the two, your CZ-75, seemed to be half dragging a pudgier looking girl with elven ears and glasses towards the large table opposite of the island in your kitchen.
>With great effort, she somehow managed to get the pointy-eared Swede clinging to her onto a chair, drawing the attention of you and the two bolt-guns in the room. She looked towards you, nodded, her undone grey hair falling partway in front of her face, and moved over to the couch where your .410 Enfield was seated.
>As she walked away, the Swede’s head hit the table with a thud, eliciting a groan of pain.
>“Anon, jag vill ha kaffe. Nu,” she sighed, slightly distorted by the table and lingering sleep.
“Freja, English please,” you called across the room.
>“ANON COFFEE!” she complained, annoyed that she was asking twice.
>You nudged Yu, who had conveniently just finished washing fruit.

>>33127613
“Start brewing some coffee. If you want tea, go ahead and start that as well,” you said plainly.
>The Chicom simply nodded, squatting down to get the electric kettle and coffee pot out from underneath the counter.
>The next few minutes were relatively silent, aside from the subtle simmer of the griddle and percolating of the coffee, along with vocal discontent for the lack of the black substance coming from your AK5C.
>Before long, you had a mug of the stuff in hand along with a carton of creamer and set it down in front of her.
>She instantly bolted up, her bobbed, chocolate-brown hair snapping back behind her neck, green eyes lighting up behind rectangular glasses, and elf ears twitching slightly. It was almost as if the lack of the coffee’s mere presence was what kept the Scandinavian rifle half-asleep.
>“Tack själv,” she said, not bothering to look up as she poured creamer into the black drink.
>You made your way back to the counter to finish cooking, chuckling softly at the antics of your rifle.
>In no time at all, you were back to putting thick slices of bread on the griddle and into the oven, without thinking about anything in particular.
>Before you knew it, you had autopiloted through your task; all 21 slices of bread had battered and grilled and you were alone at the counter, as Yu, finished with what you had asked of her, had gone to watch TV with Cassidy and Jacklyn, taking a cup of tea that you didn’t even notice her brew. You then got seven plates out, put three slices on each, and put an assortment of berries on the top of the toast before finally drizzling each plate with the sauce you had prepared.

>>33127626
>Taking a moment to admire your skills at making an extremely simple meal look fancier than it really need be, something hit you: you now had another mouth to feed. It was something you should have realized as soon as you learned your new shotgun had a geist, but it didn’t quite click until then. Not only were you going to have to buy more basic commodities and clothes, which you planned to do today anyway, but you now had an increased bill for every meal, not that you were struggling to make ends meet, but it was still less money in the bank overall. It was the realization that shooting trips would involve fewer rounds. Accessories would be put toward the back burner. More guns were nearly out of the question now. You’d also have to allot more of your own spending money to another geist.
>As you pondered this thought, you began setting the table, which created a sort of boundary between the living room and kitchen, with napkins, forks, and spoons for seven, leaving only one seat at the end empty.
>Freja seemed to have fallen back asleep, despite having finished the mug of coffee in front of her. You nudged her as you placed the silverware in front of her, getting a stir and an awkward groan in return.
>“Har jag somna?” she asked a little groggily, to no one in particular, as you ruffled her hair.
>You went back to the counter and began taking plates to the table. The noise caught the attention of the three on the couch, who had turned their heads to find you carrying another plate to the table.
>As you set the last plate down, Yu, Cassidy, and Jacklyn had all seated themselves, the Australian visibly salivating at the meal before her, her glasses, with no frame at the top of the lens, much like the sight you had installed, beginning to fog up from the heat of the toast.
>“Anon, when you said you could cook brekkie, I thought you were pulling my leg. But fuck me if this doesn’t look good,” she said, looking at the plate of French toast.

>>33127640
>Just as she was about to start cutting into the bread, Yu shot her a look of raw contempt.
>“What?”
>“We eat with Anon,” she growled.
“Nah, not today. You four can go ahead and get started. I’ll join you in a few minutes,” you dismissed, turning away and walking done the hall connected to your kitchen.
>You made your way to your office, where Dia had gone earlier. Opening the door, you were looking directly at the same dual monitor set up on an L-shaped desk that you were used to. The wall the desk was touching was lined with two bookcases that just came shy of touching the ceiling, filled with trinkets, photos, and different reference books. A small arm chair was tucked in the corner, a small blanket over one of its arms.
>Looking intently at the computer was your LVOA, turquoise eyes glimmering with happiness behind her glasses, which were reflecting the light of the screen. Whatever she was doing on the computer, she was elated to be doing so, and engrossed enough to not notice you enter the room.
“What ya looking at, Dia?” you asked somewhat sarcastically as you made your way to the opposite side of the desk.
>She made some quick movement with her hands, trying to close a tab without you noticing.
>“N-Nothing. And knock next time, Anon” she stuttered out quickly.
“Alright then; breakfast is ready,” you shrugged as you exited the room.
>The AR followed you out and into the kitchen, where the other four were beginning to eat.
>“Is Lee not up yet?” she asked.
“Nope. I was just going to get her up though,” you said, turning towards the stairs.
>You made your way back downstairs, where the light of the morning had no open windows to enter through. Cracking the door to your room open, it was still dark, but you could faintly see an outline on the left side of your bed.

>>33127652
>As you made you way over, leaving the door open to let in what little light could get through, you saw that your Enfield had taken one of your pillows hostage and was hugging it closely.
>You crouched down and began to rub the sleeping geist on the shoulder.
>After a few seconds, her eyes shot open, and before you could comprehend what was going on, you found yourself on your back on the bed, looking up into a glare of hate.
>“Oh, Anon!” you assailant exclaimed as her brown eyes lost the brief fury they had held seconds before.
>Her face mellowed into a warm smile. You could almost see her modest cleavage through the gap made by her grey t-shirt.
>With a sudden chuckle, the Enfield lifter her arms, allowing her body weight to slam onto you, her head landing just next to yours.
“Good morning Lee,” you wheezed between breathes.
>“Good morning, love. Any reason you wanted to sneak up on me today?” she asked in an overly positive and airy tone.
“Nope, just wanted to get you up for breakfast.”
>“And what did you make today?”
“French toast. The kind that looks fancy.”
“Ah… Trying to impress Jack?”
>“Yup. Now, would you mind getting off me?”
>Lee pushed herself up into a sitting position, before using her arms to propel herself off the bed.
>As she began walking to the drawer you noticed that she was not wearing any pants. You could make out some type of lacey pattern on the form fitting her rear. For what she lacked in her chest, she made up for back there, and you were never displeased to see her display it, be it accidental or a way of teasing you.
>As she reached into the drawer and quickly threw on a pair of sweat pants, you began to reminisce. Something about seeing her like that always brought you back to the few intimate nights you had together. Nights that felt like an eternity ago.
>“What are you thinking about, Anon?” she asked, turning her head back towards you.
“Nothing in particular…”

>>33127663
>She crossed her arms and gave a little pout at the vague answer. The pout then began to turn into a smirk.
>“Anon, do you still have those snap caps?” she asked with a devilish grin.
“Yeah. Why?”
>“No reason,” she smiled, innocence returning to her face, or what you could see of it in the dim light.
>You remembered buying ten .303 snap caps off Amazon when you first bought Lee. You’d spend nights in front of the TV just getting the muscle memory of loading clips and working the bolt of your first rifle.
>You got off the bed and began to make your way to the door of the room where Lee was already waiting. She smiled at you as you walked past, taking the lead upstairs toward the kitchen.
>“Good morning, Lee!” Cassidy said from the table, in between bites of toast, most of which was gone.
>“Good morning,” Lee responded in her usual calm, optimistic voice, sporting a slightly faded accent.
>You pulled out the chair next to Cassidy and the end of the table for your British geist, who, after pouring herself a cup of tea from the kettle on the counter, took the seat with a certain regality, despite looking like she just woke up- which she had.
>“Awww…” Jack cooed from the other side of the table, holding a glass of orange juice, mocking the gesture.
“So, was I right when I said I could cook breakfast?” you asked the shotgun as you sat down to eat, ignoring the previous remark.
>“Anon, you may be a massive cunt, but I’ll give it to you- you can cook. Lee is lucky to have a wife like you,” she teased.
>You simply rolled your eyes as Lee grew slightly red from the remark.
>Most everyone was at least half way finished eating by the time you and Lee had gotten started. No one had said a word since you sat down, and your meal was filled with the sound of light clinks and soft chewing.

>>33127672
“So, I plan to go shopping with Jack today. Find some clothes and other essential shit, as well as some groceries. I also might end up going to the gun store. Anyone who wants to come is welcome to,” you said, finally breaking the silence.
>Freja and Dia locked eyes across the table before turning to you and nodding.
>“Anon, I’m coming as well,” your pistol piped, leaning behind Lee to look towards you.
“Do either of you want to go?” you asked, looking at your Mosin and then to your Enfield.
>“No,” Yu replied blandly.
>“I have some things I want to take care of around here, Anon,” Lee said, playing with her auburn hair.
“Alright then. You three get ready soon. We’ll leave… Eh… In an hour,” you said, glancing over at the clock on your stove, seeing that it was 8:45.
>The two rifles got up and put their empty plates in the sink. The pistol followed, next by the Mosin and shotgun, and finally you and Lee.
“Yu, you’re cleaning the plates,” you said as you made your way to the counter.
>“Can’t you do that?” she asked disinterestedly.
“Didn’t you say I didn’t discipline you enough? Consider this an extension of that.”
>The dealing of “punishment” was received with a stifled chuckle from Lee and a full blown laugh from Jacklyn, to which Yu only glared back.
>You made your way back down stairs with Lee, as the other four moved back to the couch.
“You all realize you’re going to have to get dressed if you want to go, right?” you asked as you walked past.
>“Sure,” Dia waved you off, focusing on some show about the African savanna.
>You made your back to your room and began looking for something to wear for the day, along with Lee.
>Before long you settled on a flat grey hoodie over a telnyashka and a pair of slim jeans. As soon as you had them on, Lee pushed you out of the room to change herself.

>>33127693
>Not long after she came out in a beige turtle neck, mid-length white skirt, and a smile that melted your heart.
“Isn’t that a little fancy for house work?” you teased.
>She flicked your head before pulling you into a hug. Her advantage in height was always a comforting feeling, especially in moments like this.
>“Anon, can we do something tonight?” she asked, holding you a little tighter.
“Like what?”
>“I… You know I’m going to wash clothes today,” she hesitated before regretting her first question and trying to change the topic.
“Okay and thank you for doing that, but what about tonight?”
>“Just forget it Anon,” she said, a little quieter than before.
“Lee…”
>She pushed you out of the hug and smiled, before walking past you and heading upstairs.
>You followed, but instead of going to the couch, where everyone was now congregated in an unusually peaceful manner, you went to your office, hoping a fight wouldn’t break out while you were there.
>Sitting down, you moved the mouse back and forth a bit to wake the screen up. A tab showing War Sport’s website, specifically their 9mm version of the LVOA-C been opened. You chuckled at the idea of buying another high end AR, especially one in 9mm, but Dia had been dropping the hints on you for a while now, though this was a lot more blatant.
>You opened a new tab to check your history and closed the other page as you set out to see what damage your AR had cause you on a certain Samoan leaf pressing board.

All I got for now. I know it's a little slow, but bear with me for now.
I know I say it every time, but I do enjoy hearing what people have to say about what I've written so far.

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More AnCap warrior soon. Get ready to learn about the state of infantry weapons in the 28th Century, as our ""hero"" is introduced to his new life as an ammunition monkey.

>>33127713
I was wondering where you went earlier today. I'm enjoying the story.

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bump

>read about the /k/afe
>sudden desire to write a /k/are story
This is the worst of feels.

it keeps getting harder and harder to write...

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To /k/atch a predator

http://pastebin.com/MCy0dm3k

Small update. still not out of the sort of fucked up area. Everything is still kind of discombobulated for our characters. As always comments and feedback are valued and appreciated.

what a slow thread, eh?

>>33129625
I will get going I swear. I just had a case of the feels and I've found a comfy multistory car park that overlooks some of the city

>>33129695
Reminded me of when I lived in a decent sized city in Illinois. Before I moved to Illinois, I lived in a town of 400 people, so I wasn't used to tall buildings.

>Moved to illinois with a few friends for a job
>Decent job, but the people suck
>Pretty antisocial, so I just drive around when I'm bored
>Been living there for about a month
>One night, start driving around a construction sight
>Find this 5 story car park thats empty around 11pm
>Drive up to the top
>It's pretty far away from the city, so I can see the stars that I haven't really seen since I moved
>Sit up there for a bit, and eventually sit on the edge/banister
>After a few min, notice a few people in the building next to it watching me
>Wave at them, and they wave back
>Them staring at me felt kinda odd so I left
>Continued to drive around for a bit
>Drove by the construction site around 15 min later and the cops were there
>Site had active security from that night on

I'm not sure if it was because I was trespassing, or they thought I was gonna gonna jump, but I couldn't go back after that. They had guards driving around in golf carts after that.

Still the highest I've been up until now.

>>33127713
I think you are falling into the same writing trap I find myself in often when I proofread. The writing itself is very well done and sound, however there are a few spots where it is perhaps a bit too descriptive.

Example from post >>33127663 :
>As she began walking to the drawer you noticed...
>As she reached into the drawer and quickly threw on a pair of sweat pants...

From the first line, we knew Lee was at the drawers; the second line could also be written as:
>Throwing on a pair of sweats
or possibly even
>Throwing on some sweats

But this is just my personal opinion/taste, take it for what it is, or feel free to disregard. Like I said, the writing itself is well done; will be waiting for more.

Also:
>Saw a No4 Enfield at local Gander Mountain, thought of this story
>Needed some TLC, but was in great shape
>Would be over $600 after tax

I hate Gander Mountain...

>>33129883
You are NOT ready to hear about the ladders on the side of water towers.

>>33129883
I do lie high places. Not the bridge that is kinda close here that I've told you about some months ago. It's a cursed place, even if the view a late sumber night is so pretty

But, everything pales to the concorde. What I wouldn't do to do that again...

>>33129625
Yup

>>33128760
YUP

>>33130079
If they weren't always locked up, I'm climb them for shits and giggles.

>>33130106
As in the plane? You flew in a Concorde?

>>33128760
I have no energy at the moment. I want to write, and I like to juggle ideas when I'm away from the PC. Yet, as soon as I get home, I just feel drained from the amount of work I do.

Think I'm gonna try to write while I'm away from home, where I have more energy.

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>>33130064
I get what your saying, as even I have questioned if I need to be as in depth as I have been. I have this irrational fear whenever I write something that I don't give enough information, and I think it's just translated into wordiness in this case.
I'll try to take that into account when I'm writing, but I may end up just defaulting to being wordy.

>>33130204
Yep. The mach 2 concorde. Was like a year or two before they decommissioned it. The view from there was...

Well, you could see the curvature of ye earth, and the sky above you wasn't blue, but more purple/black

It was truly amazing

>>33130968
Damn, maybe I'll go skydiving this summer to get my height fix. I sure as shit wouldn't mind flying on a Concorde though.

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/wfg/ is confirmed dying. Start getting ready to bug out boys.

>>33132037
Shoot, and just when I've been juggling some ideas.

>>33132037
Dude whats having a life outisde of 4chan?

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>>33132160
>what's having a job with enormous amount of down time

Get with the program son.

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>>33132037
>/wfg/ dying before I get to finish Damaged Goods

This thought scares me...

>Writing intensifies

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>>33132217
Welp, not everyone has that luck man, between real life, work, writers block and some writers being on a relationship not a lot of free time and besides /wfg/ becomes kind of slow on weekends so i wouldnt worry about the death of the general for a while

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>>33132037
T-they're just w-watching the Oscars.
R-right?

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>>33132350
Luck? I gotta deal with dumbass asian nurses, a sketchy owner and roughly a dozen tired and sarcastic ambulance crews that'll curse my name every time I drop them a new call.

Thank god my bosses let me tell people off when they're acting stupid.

If the IRS hadn't called me about any 'suspicious activity' I'd be in love with this job.

>>33132037
wait what? Explain

If it's true that /wfg/ is dying (which I hope to god it's not) I've set up a discord where we can still write and talk and stuff.

>>33132160
Poly do you mind? I figured it's a way to perserve /wfg/

>>33132597
Its not dying... /wfg/ has always been slow on Sundays...

>>33132668
oh, well now I feel stupid lol

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>tfw you get more (you)s on a joke post than your actual story

>>33132037
I feel it...I just joined too. I got sucked into this community and it actually inspired me to keep writing, but now its a husk.

Anyway, road and HFG, good to see more stuff. Keep on typing away!

>>33132597
Ooh! Discord?!

>>33132597
>>33132717

there was one, didnt lasted to long

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>All these people talking about the general dying and abandoning ship

Fine. I KNOW I have been a lazy piece of shit, using the "My life is busy" line as an excuse (which is true), but I have not been writing nearly as much as I used to.

No update tonight, that's for sure, but damn it people...

Time to pour more time into Damaged Goods.

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>>33128760

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>>33132815
>implying /wfg/ survives solely on DG

Well, you'd be right. For that you get slightly censored lewd.

>>33133068
I'm not implying that at all, or at least not trying to. We could just use as much content from the writers as we can get, and I need to pull my weight with as well.

>>33133095
See the problem is that some writers get little to no response for their stories and thus it feels like no one is reading and that destroys any motivation to write.

That and it's easy to go "well I'll work on it tomorrow." then saying same thing when tomorrow rolls around.

>>33132760
>>33132717
yeah got rid of it after I heard /wfg/ is staying, I mean I'd be fine with one but after hearing the pandemonium from the last one I doubt it'll be productive for writing. I'm already in 5 /k/ discords don't really see the point in another desu.

>>33130064
>Too descriptive
Man, if you can think up the detail, go full fucking Stephen Hunter on that shit, believe me, imagery is fucking amazing!

>>33132815
same, I want to carve out more time for HFG just so people will stop being faggots and claiming /wfg/ is dying.

>>33129883
>>33130106
jumping and bridges remind me of a story I once heard: someone seems to have decided to make absolutely certain he'd succeed in his suicide attempt: he climbed on top of a high bridge, stood on the edge and shot himself in the temple in a way that would certainly throw him off the bridge.

His determination was truly mind-blowing.

No /wfg/ discord? A shame desu

Because I know there's at least one guy reading, here's a lil update.

>>

"Fun." Leo muttered sarcastically under his breath.

"We can hear you." Vetri teased, twitching her ears.

Leo scowled and ignored her, turning his attention to the magazines. He hadn't used a magazine rifle in years, ever since he got promoted to driving Overlords his guns had all been belt-fed. Still, he knew how to identify them. The first step was to divide by caliber. This was much easier to do now than it had been before the advent of the infantry railgun, when magazines fed whole cartridges rather than just projectiles. Over the centuries, the bewildering array of calibers had been condensed to a mere handful as well, with many handguns, rifles and machineguns all able to use the same exact ammunition. Which particular calibers were popular depended on the sector; in Leo's experience this was predominantly an 8mm and 6.5mm planet.

The magazines stacked before him confirmed this. Most were UMS-579 compatible mags, a unified standard popular in this arm of the Milky Way and used in 8mm weapons from pistols to marksman rifles. There were others mixed in, TKT09 6.5mm universals and a motley collection of proprietary designs. Once they were separated by caliber and interface, Leo divided each pile between "dumb" magazines which could be tossed in a bin, and powered mags which had to go on chargers. Military weapons typically didn't carry their power source on them, instead feeding from backpack cells through glove transmission plates like most of a Merc or soldier's kit. Civilian versions, especially those marketed for home or personal defense, instead often opted for magazines that held microcapacitor banks in addition to projectiles. These were likely the most valuable to the rebels, since from what Leo had read on the net, Regular soldiers in standardized uniforms with professional kit were by far the minority of rebel forces.

>>33135105
Looking at the bins, it appeared that mags were distinguished based on purpose more than strict capacity, so an arbitrary limit was needed. Rather than ask Vetri and risk more teasing, he decided to go with what he knew. 25 rounds or below for pistols and marksman weapons, 30-40 for PDWs, 60+ for support weapons and everything in-between for rifles. Then there were the oddballs. Mags for 17.5x50mm sabot shotguns, 12.7mm heavy rifles, 25mm and 20mm smartguns, 10mm heavy pistols, 5mm target and even a few things Leo himself couldn't identify. He decided to just put all the leftovers in a pile and let one of the aliens decide what to do with them.

"Damn, you're not shit at this."

Leo turned, and found to his surprise that Vetri was actually standing at a respectful distance this time.

"Thanks, I guess?" He muttered gruffly.

"Lighten up, will ya?" Vetri pouted sarcastically, brushing past him and looking over his work.

"Oh how silly of me, I'm only being kidnapped and held against my will by alien terrorists, I should just relax and enjoy the scenery." Leo was now annoyed enough to muster some sarcasm of his own.

Vetri sighed, putting down a magazine she was inspecting.

"You can hate us if you want to. But whether you're willing to accept it or not, what we're doing is for your own good as much as ours."

"Really? Because I'm not making the connection." Leo crossed his arms and stared her down, towering over the smaller humanoid.

"Think about it. You're not dumb, despite all evidence to the contrary. You attacked us. In what you thought was self-defense I'm sure, but a rebel tribunal wouldn't see it that way. If I did what I'm supposed to do as a non-commissioned officer of the Orion Arm Liberation Front, you'd be in front of a firing squad right now."

>>33135110
Leo scowled. What she was saying made sense, even though every fiber of him didn't want to believe it.

"Instead, I risked my career and the careers of my girls to spare you, and I'm continuing to do it by hiding you. I could have killed you myself in the hospital. I could have turned you over when we got back to the convoy. I'd be entirely within my rights either way. I'm not asking you to be grateful, or to like us, or to be happy about the situation. But maybe if you'd quit being so damn hostile and suspicious and just give us a chance you'd have an easier time of it." Vetri explained, crossing her own arms and giving Leo a slightly exasperated but sympathetic, almost maternal look.

"I don't know what you were told about us." Leo turned to find Kiri speaking up from behind a half-disassembled general purpose machinegun. "But we're not bad people. I don't think you're a bad person either."

Bet you wouldn't be saying that if you could see me in my work clothes, Leo thought to himself. Besides, it had to be a trick, he rationalized. Crocodile tears, guaranteed. They were Xenos after all. The sky was up, water was wet, and Humans and aliens were natural enemies. That was just the order of the universe; dog-eat-dog, kill or be killed. If the Sha'dee had unlocked FTL travel before Humanity, they'd have done the same.

"If you want me to trust you, then maybe you should trust me. I know you took my comns card." Leo said carefully.

"You know perfectly well why I can't give you that." Vetri looked at him with an expression between disappointment and incredulity. "I don't think you're going to call in an airstrike on us, if that's what you're implying. But you might contact your family, or a friend. And I can't let that happen, because if our position gets compromised thanks to indiscretion on my part... Let's just say that when you're fighting a war on this scale, discipline comes out of a pistol barrel more often than not."

>>33135115
That was awfully charitable of her if it wasn't a lie, he thought. Leo would absolutely have called in an airstrike on them.

"If there's something else we could do, I'm sure the Staff Sergeant would be all ears." Kess interjected, with a calm and reassuring smile.

"How about this." Vetri uncrossed her arms and planted her hands on her hips. "See that lockbox over there marked "misc. handguns"? Take one. If I can trust you with a weapon, will you trust me when I say that I don't need to be your enemy?"

Leo had to think about that one for a moment. How could this possibly be a trap? It had to be, yet for the life of him Leo couldn't figure out how letting him have a pistol was in Vetri's interest. Maybe he had overestimated her. Maybe she was just stupid.

"Ok." Leo said, finally. "I want ammo and mags too."

"Of course." Vetri grinned. "I'm not sure whether to be insulted or flattered that you'd suspect me of such a Human thing as rules lawyering."

Leo wandered over to the box, and pulled it off the rack. He turned at the sound of Vetri whistling, just in time to catch the keychain she had tossed his way.

"Misc. Handguns" certainly described the contents. 5mm gauss target pistols, 9mm subsonics, and even an 8mm Open-class racegun complete with smart optic. Plus dozens of slender little CCW pieces and plenty of what could only be described as junk. How the market still allowed Hi-Point to make railguns baffled Leo. After a bit of digging around, he found something that would do nicely. A VHI "Paragon", one of innumerable clones of the venerable M511, a 10mm rail pistol that had set the standard for serious duty sidearms. Well, two hundred years ago anyway. Still, Leo preferred the feel of the chunkier weapon, and a 10mm moving at magnum velocities was a lot more comforting than a measly '8. Plus it already had a light/aiming module and a red dot sight fitted, and his synthetic arm could more than handle the recoil.

>>33135118
"Interesting choice." Vetri was looking over his shoulder. "Looks like you're more worried about space monsters than us poor little Sha'dee."

"Better safe than sorry. My brother always said he didn't trust '8s out of a handgun." Leo set the pistol down on a table and began stripping it.

"Here, I'll grab you some slugs, I assume you know where the mags are by now? There should also be a bin of large frame universal holsters somewhere on rack 12." Vetri offered.

Leo found himself a trio of 22 round magazines that were fully charged. Obviously 10mm handguns weren't too popular with the rebels, as the mags had been coated with dust. But when he ran a status check on the weapon with his augreal rig, all three appeared functional, including their round counters. He didn't have any presets for this particular gun, so he had to fiddle with his HUD a bit to get it the way he liked it. Satisfied, he set about digging for holsters while Vetri emerged from behind a wall of crates and plunked several boxes of 10mm slugs on the table where he had been sitting.

As Leo thumbed the last round into the last magazine and stuck it into the mag caddy he now had hanging opposite the holster on his belt, he noticed that a strange Sha'dee male had arrived and was talking rapidly to Vetri in Shanglish. After a few moments of back and forth, Vetri turned to Leo and the rest.

"Kiri, you and Hera stay here and handle resupplying those patrols. I'm taking Kess and Leo to go check into something." The senior Xeno explained.

"What exactly are we checking into?" Leo asked, glancing at the newcomer.

"The corporal here says his unit found an abandoned tank, and since they couldn't figure out who else would be responsible for it, they came to munitions division. I can't think of anyone else who should be responsible for it either, so we're going to go look at it and figure out what the hell we're going to do with it."

>>

T-t-that's all folks!
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/pn7JKNKU

I keep forgetting to ask. Any criticism on Anon's first rifle from anyone that's read it?

A short late night tale for you all as I wait for things to settle down in school so I get more time to write RFL.

>I was born and raised in the city of Dublin
>as I grew older I noticed more and more men walking around town with uniforms loyal to the crown
>Many times they likes to search and beat us
>When my father who was quite the fighting man would come home at night he'd rally the neighbors challenging the soldiers to a fight
>Most of the time it was making fun of how they can't beat us Irish while they flaunt about about how they beat the huns
>Many times I heard them saunter down the street jeering and calling us names and saying how bravely and greatly they beat us back when the executed the leaders of the rising of 1916
>so we say come out you black and tans
>Come out and fight me like a man
>Show your wives how you won medals down in Flanders
>Tell them how the IRA made you run like hell away,
>From the green and lovely lanes in Killashandra.

>>33132597
>there is a wfd discord
>and a wfg illuminati
>not in any of then

Y-you guys stay in your club! I'll go and p-play with tanks...

>>33135614
Yukari, send nude, pls.

>>33135619
Fine, but I'll edit the lewd bits out

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there you are feggit

>>33135689
l-lewd

>>33135689
I will post your baby pictures if you do this again.

Chapter Three: Separation Syndrome.
>Jack came to his senses, surrounded by crushed, mutilated, dismembered and now vacant nano suits in the now half missing suit bay of the orbital drop canister. As he surveyed the scene before him, he looked at the suit's survival probability bar, a green bar that showed survival probability as calculated by the suit's on board super computer, and noted that it was at measly twelve percent, with the blue suit energy bar just above it in his field of view slowly draining at a rate of one percent power loss every seven seconds. Now at eighty percent.
>"Suit damaged, shutdown imminent."
"FUCK." Jack said to the pile of dead nanosuits and debris in front of him as he scanned for signs of life, greeted only by the milky white interaction suits that created a preservative buffer between the titanium cobalt matrix that formed the muscles of the nanosuits.
>Jack used the neural interface to perform a diagnostic, finding that suit circuitry had been damaged to the point that environmental energy absorption had been halted. He quickly went to work shutting down radial suit functions like armor, mobility, camouflage, physical regeneration and suit regeneration, in the hopes that he might die quicker than what an inactive nano suit had in store for him. He managed to shut down all life support systems and disable all but the basic movement features and strength mode, allowing him to generate enough force to break free of his clamps, draining his suit of all but twenty percent of it's radial energy. In another couple minutes, the suit couldn't do shit for him. He couldn't get it off, it was no longer assisting him. All he had to do now was await the sweet embrace of death, though bitter it would be because he'd forgotten one of his most hated sensations... cold.

>>33135972
>In the nano suit, soldiers felt no temperature, they were in a constant sensation of being in a seventy degree room, even as exterior temperatures would reach the hundreds in either direction. He lamented the new sensation of literal cold feet, a hot jungle to his face, and as he sat down for what he figured was the last time, he pulled off the visor and mask of the nano suit, exposing his face to the world, the sweet heat of the jungle.

>Pitra walked along toward the wreckage and counted the bodies in her path, she'd seen things like this before. Pods launched in some misguided attempt at landing troops on a planet from a besieged ship, inevitably they'd be hit by something, some control surface needed for the task of survivable impacts was always asymmetrical or outright nonfunctional.
>Though, these ancient looking things the alien troops wore were a rather unusual sight. She thought of some excuse to bring it up when the radio chimed in and gave it to her.
>"Pitra! It's Jiri, what's at the crash site?"
"I got a lot of these alien troops strewn about the site, all dead. The armor they wear looks like the composite sketches of the strange species in the galaxy. Uh... Humans, yeah, the armor looks like human muscle structure as sketched in the science books."
>"Odd, any survivors?"
"None yet, I'm going to circle around the wreck and see if there are any alive."
>"If you find survivors, capture one if safe."
>Pitra walked past the wreck after inspection the cargo bay, finding a fluid trail consistent of what was most likely blood leading from the Pod, upon deciding the black and white and spattered red objects were lifeless, made a point to follow the trail with haste.

>>33135973
>She peered her head out, seeing the brighter color of the blood compared to that in the cargo bay, indicating it was fresh. She followed it out for a hundred yards before coming across a carbon black muscular anatomy with a metal spine and reinforced nerve junctions, its mask. unlike the others, detached and discarded, the creature inside clearly nodding off into what could only become shock.
"Jiri, prepare a stasis pod, I think we've got a live one!"
>"Really?"
"Yeah, looks like a Human male, wearing nanite powered active body armor, but he won't be alive much longer if we don't treat him, he's badly wounded."
>Pitra tapped the face poking from the suit in an attempt to elicit a response, only to see a pair of powder blue eyes look at her without focusing before closing in exhaustion.
>She picked up the body and cradled it, starting a mad dash to the probe ship.
>Pitra found the ship a kilometer away and ran in, panting as she gently lowered the heavy creature into the stasis pod, where he would be preserved and maintained among the (sort of) living until he could be better treated and pulled from the armor, which appeared to have no provision for removal.

>Jack awoke with a screech that could only be described as low and deafening, instantly placing half the ward into alert mode and causing telemetry devices across the ward to spike with brain waves and soaring heart rates. The doctors nearby rushing to his side and reading his sensors
>"Nurse! What's with the Human?"
>"His vitals are all spiking and brain activity reads extremely high in all neural signal channels."
>"Jesus, all his fucking neurons are sending pain signals! What the fuck are the humans doing to their soldiers? We take him out of his armor and..." The doctor trailed off as Jack finally passed out after several seconds. "...He stopped. What is it about that armor? Is it an individual effect? Whatever, I want him drugged out of his mind next time he wakes up."

>>33135980
>Pitra walked into the ward to find it in chaos, with nurses running to and fro, checking on the patients, a doctor walking out of the far room.
"Hows my pet?"
>"Your "pet" is getting drugged because he can't wake up without experiencing unimaginable levels of pain. We may have to euthanize him if we can't figure out what's wrong with him."
"Can I see him? I haven't seen him since we brought him here four weeks ago."
>"Go ahead, If he wakes up and tells you how to fix him, come say so." The doctor said with a heavy note of sarcasm in his voice.
"Funny."
>"I'm serious." He said, walking past her with a chuckle. Pitra walked into the room to see the man on the bed, now only six feet tall and a couple feet wide at the shoulders, as opposed to the hulk he was when she carried him in with the nano suit. She looked at the creature in the bed and was struck by the apparent similarity of stature that the Human in the bed showed to the Acra. The bodily makeup was the same, two arms, two legs a head, something there between the legs. The contrast wasn't too striking, smaller eyes, though according to the texts they weren't supposed to be this almost white or gray shade of blue, which texts transmitted from the human homeworld said only occurred in people who were born blind.
>He was still a hulk by Acrani standards, seeing as the tall Acrani male stood only about 5'8", where he stood at 6'1" He weighed in at 180 pounds, where an Acrani male of his size might have weighed in at 145. Luckily for the blue eyed hulk in the bed, the average Acrani woman could lift many times her own weight, with extreme exertions, such as a 1,400 pound nano suit with a 180 pound man inside it. Now if only what was wrong with him could be easily explained and remedied.

>>33135983
>Pitra looked down at the creature and put a hand on what she thought was milky white skin on his right arm.
>The pair of eyes, dormant until then widened until they were perfectly round and flicked to her face, a visible tensing of all muscles in the arm drawing her attention to the rest of the body, which had spiked in telemetry, though settled down as Jack quickly spread his limbs away from his body. His glare shifting to her.
"Are you... Human?"
>"You speak English?"
"Yes."
>"How long have I been out?"
"four weeks since I found you."
>"Jesus. How am I not dead?"
"Stasis, and medical technology. Though you've been waking up screeching and you're already on so many painkillers you shouldn't be able to be conscious or feel things. let alone think. Do you have any ideas on getting you NOT to screech like a retard everytime you touch something?" Pitra asked before giving Jack a flick that caused a sharp inhale and spike on the telemetry machines.
>"GET*hnggggg* THE.*UGHHHHH* INTERACTION.*ACKH*Suit.*huff*OFF!"
"You mean that isn't your skin?"
>"WHAT FUCKING CREATURE HAS A DIFFERENT COLOR HEAD THAN IT'S BODY?"
>"Point taken." She said, picking up a scalpel and lightly running it around the milky white film cutting it symmetrically along the sides until it would resemble a mold half with a split line before giving it a snag and a tug, after which she looked over to see a naked Jack, Eyes wide, all muscles in the body contracted heavily, drenched in sweat and gradually sinking into a sagging posture as the pain subsided and he began taking deep heaving breaths.
>Jack let his breath come back to him and went slack on the bed before his next thoughts would come to him. "Everything's so cold. I suppose the nice thing about the nano suit was that it disabled nerve endings from feeling temperatures. Cold was but a distant memory. Wait, I was cut out of the thing, right? Please tell me it didn't grow into me!"
"I'll get the doctor. He can answer you."

>>33135987
>"Don't. I just remembered the interaction suit hurt like hell. So it was cut off and the neural link not cut."
"Can you walk? You've been patched up for a good two and a half weeks."
>"I can try." Jack said, slowly rising to his feet.
"How do you feel?"
>"Now that the interaction suit is off, I can live."
"Stay here, I'll get you a gown." Pitra said, prompting Jack to look down and realize that without the interaction suit covering him from foot to neck in order to interface with the suit, he was indeed naked before female company.
>"Please. I'm Jack by the way."
"Good. Now wait here for now." Pitra said as she walked out, returning two minutes later with a gown for her new pet. "I'm Pitra." She said.
>Jack began sizing her up instinctively, he couldn't read her like he could in the nano suit, but he could still tell he should tread lightly in the view of the blue skinned woman. He judged that her Red eyes and lightly colored hair were putting on a friendly front, and that he'd best make a good first impression, since he'd likely be meeting a militarily motivated and willingly abusive side of her soon, he could escape, but he'd be easily caught, and no other eventuality seemed probable than him being a prisoner or slave at worst or a household pet at best. The only thing he knew about his situation for sure, despite all these observations, was that he was in the custody of the Acra, and he couldn't escape to earth at that distance. It wouldn't dawn on him until much later that they were operating close enough to have an encounter in HIS home galaxy.
"Come on, Jack." Pitra said, picking Jack up and carrying him, like a baby five inches taller than her and twice her weight, out of the hospital.

>>33135950
i am scared and intrigued

>>33135992
>Jack was a person not given to such treatment, as he felt worthless if he couldn't do basic things like walk on his own and had people help him, but he was too high on the painkillers, now fighting only his actual senses rather than the interaction suit to make a fuss, but instead, remark on the salvation of the newly found comfort he hadn't felt in eight months time. "You're so warm. Finally."

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>>33135127
Here's an obligatory (you) for writing such an amazing story. Keep it up!

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Soon

It was very easy to see when Lily was in a playing mood and when she wasn’t. This was clearly the latter. You quickly climb up on the tank and into the position just behind where you usually sat. It was a little… eerie picking up the powder charge. This was explosives, and very little else. How dangerous would a 128 mm blank be? You knew a .308 blank could hurt quite a bit when fired on bare skin. The Pak 44 would be lethal, no doubt.

“We’re loaded”
>Yes, i know

You hear Lily’s voice through the headphones, which is very interesting considering she wasn’t wearing any headphones or was speaking into a radio. She was standing be the front left drive wheel. She took some deep breaths, ready to make a scene

>Wait, Anon…
“Y-yeah?” You reply in your headphones, having one of the strangest conversations in your life
>Before we do this, i have to as something to ask
“Anything Lily, what is it?”
>I thought i would figure this out on my own, but it’s been months now, but i can’t for the love of my life figure it out
“Anything, Lily. What do you want?”
>The valves on the turbos, what do they do?
“Seriously? I was getting all worked up and you ask me what a wastegate is?!”
>Wastegate?
“Lily for fucks sake… Just try go to the rev limiter, ease of the throttle and open them out. It will be fun”
>Huh. Alright

Lily takes another few breaths. And then the mighty song of the engine. It still sounded as menacing as it always had done. And then she started walking out of the garages. The Jagdtiger obediently followed her like a spaniel on a leash. She even raised her hand slightly, holding it at shoulder height, as if she was playing with it. She walked up towards the house where Jake stayed. He was old and fragile and didn’t much fancy running after you and Lily.

>Please stay here

Lily walks into the house. But this time, she didn’t try to make an half arsed attempt to conceal her pistol, but proudly wore it on her hip. She comes out with Jake in tow a few minutes later

>Anon will help you up on the tank. And don’t try anything. Or actually, ask him what would happen if someone tried to hurt me
‘That won’t be necessary. But you are very much over your head no-’

Jake doesn’t get enough time to end his sentence. The V-12 picks up its pace, bouncing twice of the rev limiter, before Lily eases of the throttle. This, together with her newly found valves, produces three eardrum-shattering booms in quick succession, joined by two bright flames towering from the exhausts

To your great surprise, this did have a profound effect on Lily. She actually stumbles a little and… groans? Not that Jake saw any of that. But he did get the “shut up” message so kindly given to him by Lily. Once she regains her footing, she very clearly informs the older man that he is to remain silent. And so he does. All the way to the now lonely firing range

The engine falls silent, and Lily turn to you, and then Jake

>Anon, could you please help the old man down?
“Of course”

The Jagdtiger was a tall machine, and due to his age, the man actually needed help getting down from it

>And while you are up there, think you can load a round?
“Of course… what kind?”
>Anything. Surprise me”

You crawl down into the now very familiar belly of the beast. You know how to work the gun and lift a solid, inert AP projectile and put it in the breech and close it up. Just a pull of the trigger… or Lily could set it off now. You return to Lily and the old man sitting on a blanket laid out in the cold, wet grass

>Come Anon. Sit with us

Lily pats the ground next to her, and you can’t do much more that slide down next to her. She is smiling as she pulls her gun from the holster. “One i am familiar with” she said when she first saw it. She puts it down between herself and the man sitting opposite to her.

>Jake. It’s important that we can help each other on this. Maybe i can help you with what you dragged me here for. But first, you are going to help me find a friend
‘Lil-’
>No. That name is not for you”
‘Nibelung… I have understood it correctly you are looking for your… colleague, for lack of a better word. But we don’t know where she is. If we would…. you wouldn’t be here.
>But you’re not clueless either, are you? You know some things?
‘Granted we had some ideas on where the vehicle was a few months ago, but we don’t know if it had it’s…
>Caretaker
‘So that’s the word we use… As i said, we don’t know if the caretaker is still with it
>But tell me what you do know

The man frowns as Lily interrupts him, even before he managed to say a word. She nonchalantly slides her phone up from her pocket, quickly dialing in a number.

>I know someone who can help me a lot more than you can. She will listen to everything you say
‘Who is she? Can she be trusted?’
>Her name is Natalya Chelyabinsk. And… that is not you call to make

Lily grins at the man’s dissatisfaction with the name as she presses once more on the screen and brings the phone to her ear

Many, many miles west, Natalya is woken from her sleep by the awful ringing sound of her cell phone, She truly hated the tone it made, especially at this godawful hour. But, considering who actually had her number, she felt compelled to answer. She sighs hello into the phone, still not very happy about being woken up at the early hour. However, Natalya soon hears the voice on the other side of the line, and tries to wake herself up. She leaves the comforting warmth of the engine deck beneath her, a sleeping crewman on each side and jumps down in search for her bag. A pair of cheap headphones, pen and paper. She listens carefully to them man going over how the last things they frew about the lost tank destroyer. She knew very well what an Elefant was. Only place they were used in any real numbers was at Kursk, and they were… pretty much indestructible. At least as far as enemy fire was concerned.

The call ends fifteen minutes later and has given Natalya enough information to fill an entire page in her notebook. Her plan was to return to sleep, but a very slight shift in the color on the horizon tells her it’s not really worth it. Instead, she finds something much better to do. In the bottom of one of the storage bins are one of the circular trays of chocolate Lily had given her. Conditions when she grew up were… sub-optimal to say the least. So she appreciated any gift given to her, especially one that tasted as good as this one did. She took two pieces from the box in a piece of tissue paper and sat down on top of the turret. She was very careful in looking around, making sure no one was awake or looking at her

When she finally gets satisfied with her surroundings, she starts devouring the chocolate. But slowly, savoring all taste she could from it. Even if the pieces wasn’t very large, it took her a little while to get it all down. Natalya smiles to herself. Not that she would ever smile if someone else saw. She wasn’t sure why she wouldn’t do that, but it somehow seemed unfitting for her character. One day maybe she could…

Her eye catches some movement. It takes another few seconds to identify what it actually is. She draws her pistol, flicks the safety off and fires of five-six rounds into the sky

¤ WAKE UP, MOVEMENT IN THE TREELINE

Due to the head start, the IS-3 has started moving before many tanks even have their engines running. Natalya had very clear intentions with what she was going to do. There was still not enough sunlight to fight in, and her tank was fitted with a very powerful LED light ramp. She was going to make sure they hit. The tank crawled away from the mass of vehicles, parked in a big ring

The crew, while all competent were unfamiliar with each other and were performing worse than the old crew did. Natalya did her best to fill in where someone else missed something, but she could only do so much

¤ Loader, Incendiary

In this day and age, no armor piercing was made for any 122mm guns in any relevant quantities. The old combloc countries had moved on to 100, 115 and 125 mm for tank guns, and while 122 mm guns were still used, they were all the low pressure howitzer type. So, while HEAT, HE-FRAG and such rounds were easy to get a hold of, normal AP rounds were extremely scarce.

Natalya had been fighting with this for a while. Her tank has not had more than 5 rounds of kinetic projectiles since the reactivation at any time. Chemical ones were plentiful though. And if the Incendiary round didn’t outright kill what she was aiming at, it would light it up. And if one of these creatures catch on fire amidst the night, it will attract a lot of attention

Not long after, the D-25T sang again. The propellant charges provided were russian made and spewed out a spectacular amount of black smoke. Due to the shape of the muzzle brake, almost half of the thick black smoke was pushed out to the sides. The rest went forwards, and got crowned by a spectacular flame, sending the projectile away at somewhere north of 2300 fps. Half a second later, the projectile slams into the side of a class 4, just where it’s front leg meets the body. But no matter how the impressive the firing was, the impact was an utter disappointment. It did absolutely nothing. Most likely a defective fuze, not that surprising made for something made in the soviet union in the mid 80s. This did however piss the creature off properly. It howled and screamed like a wounded animal and started moving straight towards the old heavy tank

¤ Armor piercing! Load! Load! LOAD!

The creature was rapidly approaching, screaming for vengeance. Natalya peeks inside the turret and sees that the round will not be loaded in time to meet the charging class 4. But just as everything else, war has its truths. And since the last great war, it has been known that if nothing else works, there is one thing that will work. Something that has killed thousands and once again thousands men women woman from every imaginable corner of the world for over three generations. Something that cares not for man, animal or extra terrestrial.

>>33135323
I remember thinking anon lived too much in his head, with imagined retorts and generally staying too damn quiet, but I haven't read it in a bit and would need a refresher link.

Natalya swung the Commanders hatch open and takes a firm grip on her third best friend in the entire world and pulls the heavy charging handle backwards and lets it go. The heavy spring sends it flying forwards and the entire gun jerks forwards from the inertia of the bolt. She repeats a little mantra to herself as she moves her finger to the butterfly trigger

¤ Fifty cal, your only pal…

The M2 lights up and starts spewing a stream of tracers against the charging creature. While not lethal in and of themselves, they did attract a lot of attention. Enough attention for this particular class 4 to be completely drowned in fire from the surrounding tanks. Natalya ordered the tank to rotate, illuminating another beast with the LED ramp, and sending half a belt of tracers its way. It succumbed to fire immediately

Moments later, a green flash and a blinding light hits the old warhorse by the front right idler wheel. Almost akin to a liquid being thrown at the armor, the glowing turquoise matter splashed off against the steel since it could not penetrate it, sending fragments or liquid or whatever it was flying in all directions.

The shock from the enemy attack shakes the tank, rattling around anything inside that wasn’t properly tied down. Like the crew.

¤ Everyone okay?!

‘I’m good!”

Gray is sounding more and more pissed off. Another voice, Mike’s, down from the driver’s seat saying he’s good.

¤ Are we loaded?

Natalya is almost screaming at this point, but despite her wrath, her cries go unanswered. The loader had hit her head on the inside on the turret and is lying unconscious, leaning against a rack of ammunition. Natalya’s eyes start glowing with rage as she ducks down in her own turret and slams the last AP round into the gun breech

¤ 15 left! 80 yards! Do NOT fucking miss!

And Grey didn’t miss. The 122 mm round finds it target, smack down along it’s forehead, along the neck and through the entire body and out between the rear legs. The creature was nothing short of split in half. A second round was not needed.

But there is no time for Natalya to feast her eyes on the gory mess that tried to attack her just a few seconds

The Conqueror was digging itself down deeper into the cold mud. Sont soon afterwards, its tracks were spinning uselessly. It takes a massive splash from an enemy attack to the turret, illuminating the tank for all enemies to see. The fire starts raining down on the stuck heavy tank from multiple directions. Anyone inside it must be in a very bad place.

And despite the fire from many tanks, one of the creatures managed to get around behind the stranded Conqueror. It was not going to stay alive for long

¤ Driver! Right turn, Full throttle! Gunner, gun 150 degrees left

The big engine picked up its pace, turning the IS-3 around and accelerating it towards the creature about to end its peer. With the gun slowly rotating backwards, out of the way, Natalya intended to turn her beloved tank into a 50 ton battering ram. The engine had almost twice the horsepower it had when it rolled out of the ChTZ factory in 1945. This meant it slammed an enemy of our planet at over 30 miles per hour.

It’s not until lunchtime Natalya is satisfied with how the cut in her forehead is stitched up. She was so disappointed with the stitches done by the nurse she cut them up and redid it herself. Not perfect, but it will hold up. Unless she slams her head into the hatch again. The battle died down shortly after the ram. Grey was doing okay, some bruises and a black eye from the gunsight, and Mike seemed to have taken the impact very well. Or maybe he didn’t want to complain.

Natalya was on her way back to her tank, to inspect any damage sustained, but she was halted by a doctor in an very appropriate looking white coat

‘Excuse me, you’re the commander of the russian tank, right?’
¤ Soviet, but yes
‘Could you come with me, please?’

Natalya nods with a slight concern on her face, and follows the doctor down into a field infirmary

Mike and Gray are there already and waiting, and in the bed in front of them, the fair, blond woman first found by Lily in the Panzer IV. She was clearly unconscious

‘She is a part of your crew?’
¤ She is, yes
‘Oh, good then, i was just filling out her papers, but i don’t know her name yet, could you tell me?’

¤ H-her name?

Natalya had been treating the woman like little more than a prisoner of war. That is one thing, but, her name? She had just been called Loader. What was her name?

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That is all for today my friends. This took a little longer than i wanted, but i hope you all enjoyed it

>>33135127
Nicely technical, and GID interaction between the two.

Also, fuck the xenos

>>33136489
Danke, anon

>>33136586
No, Comrade; here the Xenos fuck *you*.

>>33136578
good story mate

Tokyo, May 201X

>"Ugh, I hate taking this train" you mutter to yourself as you board the packed train, you routinely scan the car with your eyes, trying not to look suspicious. In the one year you have been doing this you have yet to be noticed. Well, except for *that* person, but then again that person is special.
>"Bakashi, that guy looks nervous", a voice coming from your bag whispers, you take another look at the man the voice is clearly referring to; a thirty-something man in a suit holding a vertical bar next to a cute, shy-looking high school girl, in your opinion a prime example of a target for molesters.
>"Terrible hangover and too much coffee at work; not one of our "customers", also stop calling me that" you say out loud while holding your phone to your ear to make it look like you are talking on the phone.
>"Are you saying hungover salarymen can't be a molester?" Haru, the owner of the voice, asks, ignoring your plea that she stop calling you that, your name is Takashi, damn it!
>"I'm saying even if he were one, he's not in any shape to do anything, plus he doesn't smell like one" you reply, your "extra sense" hasn't failed you yet no matter how much interfering scents there have been around you, if that man was a molester he'd be producing hormones like crazy, standing next to the girl.
>"What if he's into guys?" Haru asks, intent on winning the argument.
>"Then he'd be eyeing one of the two guys right in front of him."
>Haru, a youkai inhabiting an early Showa -era pistol, has been in your family ever since the war, or rather your mother's family since you are a halfie. She came to belong to you around the same time you got involved in this job. You start feeling nostalgic and almost miss your station, and only a punch at your side & an annoyed voice bring you back.
>"Earth to Bakashi, get out of my way!" says a new voice as a tall girl with long, brown hair in a ponytail & wearing a school uniform pushes you out of the car & onto the platform.

>>33137583

>"...Violent as ever Hi-Gori" you retort to your classmate while at the same time raising your bag to act as a shield against the attack that is about to follow.
>"What did you call me? Do I look like a gorilla to you?" Hiyori shouts as she tries to take a swing at you but misses, almost certainly intentionally. This is perfectly normal for the two of you.
>"By the way, the man you were talking about on the train is a police detective" she says, changing the subject.
>"Really? How do you know?" you ask, you have never seen him before.
>"That's because he's from the Murder Section" she replies with a matter-of-fact -tone.
>You are still sceptical, after all because of your work you have run into pretty much every detective from the 1st Section, 1st Investigation Department, Metropolitan Police Department Crime Investigation Bureau, colloquially known as "Murder Section", at least three times by now, your Section, 3rd Section of the 1st Investigation Department colloquially knowns as "Rape Section", keeps butting heads with them on a daily basis due to overlapping jurisdiction in most cases; if the "customers" aren't violent, their victims are, at least in the cases that get reported.
>"So, are you working tonight?" Hiyori asks, meaning if you are scheduled to work on a case or a dozen at the station tonight, after all officially you can't do field work as long you are still minor & because of your unique ability you instead "work passively" every time you are out in the public, your hours doing passive field work get attributed to other detectives who collect your pay for them & hand it over to you.
>"No, I asked for the night off" you reply, you omit the details of your plans for the night, she would take it wrong if she knew where you were going, that or she'd try to tag along (and most likely succeed.)
>"Oh, good, you see I got these tickets that are going to expire & I need someone to come with me..." she tries making excuses.

>>33133724
Can confirm, lack of (you)s effectively killed my story

>>33137731
What story? If you don't mind me asking.

>>33137607

>"I'm terribly sorry, but I asked for the night off because I have plans, I really can't postpone them this time", you reply, and are in fact telling the truth.
>"What kind of plans?" She asks, you can't tell which one is scarier: her intuition or the way she reacts when she senses that you aren't telling her the whole truth.
>Shit, there's no way you are digging yourself out of this hole, might as well dig all the way through to the other side...
>"I think Yoshida-san is doing EK, and considering her personality..." you start explaining, but can't bring yourself to finish your sentence, in the end you don't have to. Yoshida Emi is your fellow classmate, outgoing and liked by most, but she's also rather 'adventurous' as well as incredibly gullible, if she's doing EK it's only a matter of time before her file lands on someone's desk at 1st Investigation Department, and you'd prefer if it was yours instead of someone from the 1st Section.
>"And you were going to leave *me* out of this?" Hiyori starts fuming, they are close, almost like sisters, but because of circumstances you know both of them more intimately than they know each other, and neither you nor Hiyori can figure out whether the fact that it's all because of your work is a plus or minus.
>"It's bad enough for one high schooler to go there late at night, at least if I go alone I can retreat behind my badge, but if you come we'll just look like a couple of delinquents with fake papers getting into trouble."
>"What are you getting at, do I look like a delinquent?" Hiyori is starting to get mad.
>"I'm saying I do, and a tomboy like you accompanying another teenager who looks like a "yankee" in the Red Light district isn't going to make you look like a honor student either" you explain.
>"In any case, I am going!" she says after thinking for a moment, you knew this battle was lost before it even began, but you had to at least try.
>"Fine, but we'll have to change clothes, meet you in 2 hours?"

>>33127713
keep up the good work

>>33137766
I shouldn't say it killed my story. it was something a bit different, I guess it just didn't fit in here

little background: the real-life Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department is divided into a number of divisions, Crime Investigation Bureau is one of them, 1st Investigation department investigates violent crime such as homicide, sexual crime and arson, for the sake of this story the department is further divided into at least four sections: 1st is homicide, 2nd investigates assaults, robberies etc., 3rd investigates sexual crime and 4th focuses on arson.

Fire sprayed out around. Metal, asphalt, charred flesh and bone fragments rained as the sudden blast died immediately. The two androids were thrown off their feet and they found their clothing tattered, but still in a wearable condition. Their artificial skin was simply grazed, the silicone based composition hardening as it was struck to keep vital components from becoming punctured. Their team on the other hand… Faced more serious injuries. One man was still alive, blood pooling around him as he screamed out in agony. His left leg was split diagonally up to the knee. His gear had large bits of shrapnel sticking out from it and he was completely exposed to the low levels of radiation in the area.

Annushka could barely look at the man, his head turning side to side as pain simply became his being. Nadine knew what to do; she picked up her rifle, muttered a quick prayer and shot him. A quick tap to his forehead and he stopped. The world growing silent once more as thoughts were gathered. There was a quick intake of breath to cool herself down and a nod, Annushka looking over to her surviving partner.
“Let's just finish this mission and get the hell out.”
The blonde would nod in agreement, and so, the two would continue onwards. A brisk pace was taken, mechanical legs allowing their speed to be quite faster than the average operator and much more silent. Bright red trails and yellow streams allowed them to find their destination: the old Chernobyl nuclear reactor.

>>33138034
Which was it?

>>33138068
Yeet

>>33138040
meant to link to this:
>>33137830

>>33133724
I concur. But life and work get in the way, too.

Mine still exists as concept of a story, but really all I wanted was to explain and build a small world of my explaining how a geist becomes one.

Maybe during lunch break...

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>>33135438

>>33138665
He is right. Write fag feeds of (you)s

>>33133724
(you)s are like the best drug in the world.

>>33138787
I know though I get little to none whenever I post an update.

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>>33138901
I fell you man...

>>33138941
*feel! God I'm not all here today

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>>33138941
>>33138901

i'm just horribly bad at constructive criticism. I mean, i can do "That was nice" But it just sounds so horribly unimaginative

My parents always told me to keep my mouth shut if i didn't have anything good to say, and i guess old habits die hard

>>33139003
I get a kick out of "That was nice" type comments, But I do understand your predicament. The best I do is "I liked the dialogue, it felt really organic"

>>33137830
Liking this, anon. However, I would suggest you keep a little more eye on your grammar, as some parts get a little awkward to read

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>>33125250
Pretty interesting so far. Guy's in a bit of deep shit, isn't he? Gonna be nice reading how he gets out of this one.

>>33125568
Man, that does blow for the giantesses, getting low priority on everything. But maybe it's like that on the little people side as well. Giantesses just don't see it because they never go over there.

>>33127713
This right here was a very nice update. I enjoyed reading it a lot; gave me some nice feelings. I hope Yu gets a bit nicer and Anon picks up on Lee's hints.

>>33129020
Damn, Roberts be nasty. I feel really bad for the girls. All they wanted was to save the day, and all they get for their trouble is constantly raped by a cop more crooked than the Hunchback of Notre Dame's spine. One suggestion that I do have is to separate the story out more, maybe. The line breaks help with finding the update, but it's a lot of scrolling to get there. If there were separate pastebin things for each major part, that would make reading the new sections a bit easier, I think. But you don't have to do that. I'm still enjoying reading this story regardless.

>>33133006
That's fucking genius.

>>33135127
Oh, lovely world building this is. Love the weapons descriptions. And Hi Point railguns may be cheap and clunky, but they function ok, have a lifetime warranty, and they're still made in America.

>>33135438
Saw a movie a few nights ago that had an IRA demolition expert as a main character. I think it took place before the Easter Uprising. I like this little story as well.

>>33135997
Hahaha! Super nano soldier gets treated like baby... Sorry. But hey, he survived and now gets to learn the ways of the Acra. Can't wait to read more of his adventures.

>>33136578
I liked this update. Nice dawn battle with a good bit of xeno killing. Actually reading a book right now about a tank driver on the Eastern Front. He's only in a measly Tiger, but it's still interesting.

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>>33137830
Interesting start to a new tale. And I think it's the first one to take place in Japan. Reminds me a bit of Sukeban Deka, but with a real weapon.

>>33138068
That's why you don't send a human to do an android job. Can't wait to find out what secrets the elephant's foot of Chernobyl 4 holds.

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>>33139267
that's a good idea

>>33139265
>I would suggest you keep a little more eye on your grammar, as some parts get a little awkward to read
ESL, so I'm going to need some examples of both *what* is awkward as well as how you'd fix it.

>>33139267
>And Hi Point railguns may be cheap and clunky, but they function ok, have a lifetime warranty, and they're still made in America.
In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only mah problem solva right here.

>>33139338
Gimme a couple of hours. Busy as is, and only really have time to read through things. Giving a detailed criticism is gonna take time.

>>33139459
It always does.

>>33139321
I'll give a more insightful look into the whole android thing soon. Gonna write more soon.

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>>33129020
Good fucking goodness. Missed a bunch already, but hot fucking damn! Everything with Simon, Roberts, Kimber! Also, FUCKING ROBERTS! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

>>33139267
Story facts that may have been under emphasized: Jack is now out of the Nano suit, and cannot be re-implanted.
>Chapter three is called "separation syndrome" for reasons you will understand hopefully before I have to go to class tonight.
And, yeah, remember how she referred to him as her pet?

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i'm doing smut. Please feed me (you)s

>>33140010
What is this, smut for ants?

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>>33140010

>>33140110
it's smut for you, if you so desire. Just not right now

>i'm doing smut. Please feed me (you)s
Request for writefag food denied

>>33140010
Here's your (you)
If you post this by tonight, I'll work on mine.

I just need ideas.

>possible ideas on the bottom
>tell me what sucks it works
https://docs.google.com/document/d/10NzyDUSoX-b5QLEq4wxRPl8gZJ-_JVamrrIyW_SgOMw/edit?usp=drivesdk

>>33135997
>Jack awoke in what he could only assume to be an Acra nest, a small dome shaped building with the rudiments of refrigeration, cooking and various other home appliances installed. In his mind, it brought him back in time to his school days when he looked over pictures of human domestic life in the 1980's and 1990's, when things like microwave ovens were just becoming popular, and many homes with any age to them could be forgiven for excluding such appliances.
>The interior of the nest, house, hut, whatever it was, had a dingy but aesthetically pleasing look to Jack, a player of antique video games that had been preserved on the internet, without subjection to bit rot throughout his childhood. This one in particular reminded him of an obscure and always empty location called "Mike's Bar" in a video game long disappeared from the public psyche, of course with many articles published praising and criticizing it, called "FarCry 2"
>Jack looked around and found the bright colorful rugs and sheets of the bed he was in may as well have come straight from the colored but color bled footage of live television circa 1990. 180 years or so definitely hadn't come at least until much more recently to the Acra civilization.
>Jack stood up to find that he was only inches shorter than the roof, the building height evidently reflection the slightly shorter stature of the species. He then felt something he hadn't felt in eight months... Thirst.
>Jack looked around for a source of water, finding a bowl laid out with a note. "Humans drink water, right? Scientists say the fauna and flora are similar, so you should be able to eat anything in the fridge if you get hungry."
"Well that's convenient." He thought to himself as he started drinking and looking around for any indication of time of day or whether the building was empty.
>Jack finally found a window and was greeted by the sight of day break over Acrassis, an empty building and a full day ahead of him.

>>33138724
A few hundred armalites have been deposited in your bank account

>>33140248
Looks interesting. I am a bitch for healing, so I'll read this, happily

>>33140248
Assuming the bottom is your game plan for the rest of the story, it sounds good and healy, but like it might leave me feeling empty in the same way the ending of any SOL leaves me feeling empty.
Other than that, I have no qualms, and hope you actually write it.
>>33137830
Hoping you continue this, Anon.

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>>33140622

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>>33140010
Ironically I was thinking of doing a smut story with some hot, lesbian operator stuff being involved, and possibly a Stechkin too.

>>33141342
This is second attempt after the iowa stuff... that i am still working on I promise

>>33141379
Well, you having brought it up simply reminded me that I was thinking of it, buuuut I probably won't delve into it

>>33141435
Mine doesn't go into the main story. It's mostly just some side stuff I do for shits and giggles to clear me head

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bump for the queen

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>>33142200
Queen a shit

Two parter.

And scribbled while a bit drunk.

-One day, my 1911 spoke.

"You should really treat us nicer".


Mind you, I have all kinds of hearing issues. I hear a constant 60 cycle hiss, etc.. TInitus sucks.
So I looked at the '44 vintage Colt 1911A1 I have carried daily for ~30 years and said " what?".

Oh, that lit her up.

Now, I've never seen 'geists". I see machines, and without reservation, love them. Not like a woman, but like a good horse, or loyal pet.
But this shit? Fuck no. BUT.. I can sure as fuck HEAR them.
I had four more old WW2 era Colt frames I could stick this pistol's parts on if I wanted a truck gun.

If I really wanted to chafe her ass, I could always drag out the CZ 75, and go "Meow".

All that fucktardery aside-
I suddenly had a bitchy 1911A1 that nede dealing with.

"Look you ragged old thing, I bought you for a bit under two small, since you are so FUCKING ugly no mere cholo would touch you without a trip to the chrome shop, so if you have
any fucking issues, let's get them out now befor I need your bitchy ass to zap some methed out fucktard with a Buck-knife, kay?".

So she lays in" All you did was clean me, and then stuff in a bunch of new mil-spec parts. What about these new things!/?Like this "beavertail safety" or "Mercury compensated guiderod".".

I stare a bit in the gun/geist's general direction, since I cannot see said spirit... Then let loose "Are you fucking kidding me? You WANT me to stuff you full of nonsensical bullshit because you saw it in a fucking magazine or some shit? Are you fucking dumb or what? You actually WANT me to stuff that shit on you?

You are fine the way you are,that's why I've fucking carried you for over THIRTY FUCKING YEARS.".

-Yeah, that shut her the fuck up..-

>>33142252

"Thirty plus years. The most I've changed is a chrome lined barrel, and a set of '27 commercial slabs. And you fucking complain? I'm even using pre WW2 Colt commercial magazines. You have any fucking idea how rare those are? And I have close to a hundred of them. But you want some fucking staineless steel high cap shit? Well fuck you I'll load up the CZ75 and you can go back to the safe,."

And then, the sobbing.

"You don't love me," etc, etc. "Yeah I have loads of other pistols. Only ONE do I carry daily. FFS you fragile twunt, figure it out!"


"Wait, so... you really do love me?" she asked..

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE HOW FUCKING DENSE ARE YOU!? I've caried TWO handguns commonly, and by far, YOU are the one I wore. When shit went bump in the night, I grabbed YOU. "

So now I her snuffling. She's calming down. I'm still pissed and wanting Bourbon. And then it comes..

"So, do you love me?"..

I sigh.. "When I bought you, I was making minimum wage. I worked for over a year to pay you off. You were my first "real" handgun. You will be my last. My home could be burning (improbable since it it made of poured concrete) and you would be the first thing I'd grab. You're the one, I make sure I have, every day. "

Still thinking I was losing my gourd, since I was just HEARING this, I saw her materialize.

Scarred, battered, Brown hair fading toward grey, chopped short. A splash of freckles, green eyes. Stocky and well muscled, wearing a cheap dirty white blouse and simple black skirt.


I smiled. She looked a bit teary..And utterly lovely.


"Hello, Old Friend" I said, and pulled out a chair from the diningroom table..

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>>33140010
First rule for all things sexual: leave it up to the reader's imagination. (You) aren't a master of sexuality, and I'm not here to read a NEET's Guide to the Karma Sutra.

Sensuality > Sex is the golden rule to remember.

>>33142380
Oh, it's not gonna be like that

>>33139267
Unfortunately it's not. Earlier in the chapter I write how it is on the normal side of the base. The Lt and his team (all things considered) actually have pretty decent living conditions. But I do plan on writing in something that allows the giantesses to improve their current living situation.

>>33134340
>Mind blowing
Top kek

>>33142214
My fathers side is from England and my mothers side is from Ireland. I shill for both sides

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>>33142263
>I smiled. She looked a bit teary..And utterly lovely.

Alright, now that was fucking cute.

Kind of a step away from what you see, a gun actually WANTING the tacticool look. I liked it.

http://pastebin.com/z8TLnzFZ
[spoiler]my first time, pls be gentle...[/spoiler]

The parking lot looked sterile, as the mid-morning sun bore down hard on it (for once). The asphalt would glitter as you walked past, as I did, crossing it and turning onto a sidewalk. The brown palm trees rustling in the wind overhead, grass still green from the summer, I made my way to the door on the side of a stucco-roofed church, and greeted by the warmth inside, I walked in.
Stained windows gave the church a soft, blue glow. Still light reflected off of the pale-green floor. There was an absolute stillness to the place. I’d wanted to take my time, but I’d agreed to meet up with Marc in two hours or so over at his place. Quiet as possible, as to not disturb that stillness, I climbed a set of stairs that led up to a balcony.
__
I threw my olive coat on and walked briskly out to this crappy little maroon car I had parked across the street. I started it up, and throwing my stuff in the passenger seat, I put the AC on a low heat setting, and started down the street.
The worn asphalt roads glittered again, as I made my way south. Traffic may as well have been nonexistent. I came to a stoplight that was blinking yellow, which struck me as odd, but I used the opportunity to turn on my portable radio (I’d forgotten to when I was leaving the church) and after checking that the coast was clear, I continued on. It was noonish now, it’d gotten warm enough that I didn’t need the heat anymore. I turned that off, and at one point, even considered rolling down the windows, until I remembered I had some junk papers somewhere in the back that I didn’t want to fly out. The ride was, overall, uneventful. I got to Marc’s house ahead of schedule.

>>33144305
After a good hour of driving, I rolled through a lime forest of thin pines, down a gravel path to Marcus’ gate. I stopped my car, got out, and started to undid the locks. No problem. Downhill, into the driveway, past a half-carcass of a forest, and onto a low-lying plateau of some sorts, covered in browning palm shrubs. The vegetation was struggling; the only things that were doing well were the pine trees and the oaks. As I pulled in I saw Marcus in the back with his fishing pole. He waved.
“Catch innything?”
“Nah, ’stoo cold out. Ya mahnd helpin me out with that fence out front?” Marcus was talking about the cattle fence missing a board in some places about a 8 min walk away. He’d been asking about that fence for the last day or 2 now.
“Lemme throw muh stuff inside, ok?”
Throwing open the door to his garage, I put the radio & everything else onto my desk I had gotten from the church, and hastily ran out to the garage to meet Marc.

>>33144324
In a swamp, elevation can have extreme consequences. 3 feet is all it takes to go from a near-barren grassland, with gnarled oaks, palm shrubs with berries to suffocating forests of larger, healthier oaks, to a scummy, fertile pile of mud. Both were brutal in the heat still so common to the region, the “elevated” grasslands were brutal in the summertime, sun reflecting off of the sugar sand and scorching you doubly, with shade only provided by those gnarled oaks. The oak forests had shade, Marcus lived near one, & they were nice, but they were starting to decline in numbers, and many trees were dead. You couldn’t really walk around in the swamps in the summer, thats where the alligators, water moccasins, pythons were. Winter in a swamp was a bit easier, most of the kudzu had died off anyways, the reptiles sleepy, and whatever native twine and thorny tripwire was left over was mostly tolerable. Raising cattle in places like these can be a real challenge, but luckily the cattle we had were pretty low-maintenance, or at least Marcus said so. The biggest trouble was getting them clean water, which grew more difficult by the day - ashes can get into anything.
__
“LUKAS, GET THE NAILS FOR ME, I GOT THE WRONG KIND!”
Marcus had 2 habits he’d never be able to break: his forgetfulness and yelling when he meant to talk. I went over to the garage, got the nails, and headed to the right of the house, away from the road in front of it, the lake behind it, and towards where the hazy, orange sun had just began to sink towards.
Already Marcus had begun sizing up a plank of wood with the angle he had in mind. That’s another thing about Marcus, he was always doing something, no matter what. Pokemon cards, killing snakes with his pocketknife, he really didn’t care as long as it kept him active.
“ARRIGHT NOW HOLD THIS PLANK WHILE I NAIL IT.”
“Mhm.”

>>33144340
I scratched a mosquito bite on the back of my arm and put my both my hands on the plank, while Marcus nailed it. I asked what he’d had for lunch.
“Peanut Butter.”
“Same for dinner?”
“Probably.”
“Is what it is.”
When we finished up with the fence, Marcus checked his dad’s old watch and announced it’d be dark in, like, two hours.
“Ohkay, I’ll get started on the fire and the radio thing, you got the cows?
“YUP!”
We both jogged up to the garage beside Marcus’ house together, I got to the radio and Marcus got to his ATV.
“We still good on gas?”
“Oughta be a week ’n a half’s worth left .”
“Take it easy then.”
Marcus chuckled and started it up, I waved him off.
Marcus was off to bring the herd in for the nigh. He did most of the odd jobs he could do himself around because that’s what he he was good at, and he didn’t mind anyways because most of the manure could take care of itself. He had me in charge of all the general household stuff, and the radio, since thats where we’d hear things about the weather, police stuff, & anything else half-interesting. Signals, and life itself, was pretty rough everywhere, but Australia and South America still had had a signal to tune into occasionally, even though we couldn’t understand them half the time. There was some guy out in Alabama for a few months who did some weather stuff, but 2 weeks ago he must’ve gotten grabbed or something because we couldn’t get any kind of signal from him anymore. Before I’d used this ancient portable thing with analog dials and everything, but earlier that day, February 27th, I’d gone and picked up this miracle from inside the Church, a neat little digital Sony, batteries intact and all.

>>33144350
I was just about to turn it on when I heard a strange noise out of the side of my ear, a kind of low chp-chp-chp-chp-chp-chp-chp-chp-wrrrrrrrrrrr that threatened to turn into a roar. A wave of fear washed over me: that was a helicopter. I turned the little camp lantern lighting the garage off & thanked God with all my heart I hadn’t started that fire yet. I crawled further inside the garage, into a dark corner by the dark, forrest-green safe. The helicopter was getting closer, and I was starting to panic. I scrambled for the slip of paper we’d wrote the combination on.
“9-5-6-7, 9-5-6-7”, I muttered under my breath, and quickly opened up the safe. I grabbed a gun from out the safe, I heard Marcus call it a Mossburg.

>>33144362
I put the shells in just like how I’d seen Marcus do it once, when he showed me, and gripped it tight to my body. I’d never fired a gun before, but Marcus had shown me how. Marcus. I hoped he hadn’t been seen.
The helicopter took ages to move far away enough to where it felt safe to move again. By then, the garage was like onyx; it took me another half an hour to scoot & snake across the floor, groping around blindly until I felt my hand grab a flashlight. Didn’t dare to turn it on, but I kept it, myself and my gun pointed at the open garage door, or at least, where I thought it was. It’s funny now, because they probably could’ve just strafed the whole place and that’ve been the end of it, but nobody showed up until Marcus pulled back up not a half hour later.
“THE HELL’RE YA DOING?”
I proceeded to stammer away and tell the story. Marcus tensed up.
“Serious? Shoot, hand me my AR.”
Out in the dark, the wind dusted ash off the dead palms, and they rustled softly. __
Marcus yawned and spread some some creamy peanut butter over some stale white bread. I heated up a can of Bush’s SPICY™ Pork n Beans on a camp stove we’d been trying not to use so often (we were running out of butane), but after our ordeal I figured I had earned a treat. The beans were peppery. The flavor stayed with you for a long time, even if you weren’t sure you wanted it to. Thats how canned beans are.
“T’morrow I’ll show you how to shoot that thing, m’kay?”
“M’kay.”
“How’re the beans?”
“OK. How’s that sandwich?”
“Whaddya think?”
“Yeah, yeah” I blew air out my nose a little and stood up.
“I’m headed to bed.”
“I here ya.”

>>33144387
I walked over to the back of the garage and opened the door to the “hanger”, or at least thats what Marcus called it (I wasn’t sure a plane could get in there). Walking slowly past a shelf filled with junk beyond description, I found my sleeping bag and called it a night. I’d get to that radio tomorrow.

__

hope everyone's having a cozy night, love ya /k/

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>>33139715
glad you're liking it, I wish I could say that things stabilize and get less fucked up but prepare to have the lines blurred.

>>33144652
alas this is too true...

Btw we need more of these pics

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>>33144652
I didn't need those feels, Road Anon.

>>33144652
Ahhh

http://pastebin.com/rfvT3Qdy

"Anon? Are you in here?" Mother called out as she entered the living room. A look of concern stretched over her face. Anon perked up a bit upon hearing her call, still being in his disheartened state put an audible damper on his tone.

"Yeah, mom. Right here...what's goin' on?" He responded with zero enthusiasm, as expected.

"Mitch had some kind of injury at work and went to the hospital. I'm going to get your sister from lacrosse and take her to see him. Did you want to go?" She asked.

Ah Mitch, the kind of guy to openly yell at his wife in public and threaten to beat you if you responded to one of his insults in kind. Wears dockers, polos and has an assortment of shoes that would make any woman feel inferior. Metrosexuality at its most insecure. His mother postulated that he'd been made fun of when he was younger for his clothes. Needless to say that Anon didn't like him much but also had a reasonable excuse to not give a shit and stay home.

"Well how long are you going to be there?" Answering a question with a question.

"Probably for the night, from what I heard from his co-workers, he was in excruciating pain." This time his mother sounded genuinely worried, but that didn't keep anon from having little empathy and declining her offer.

"Nah, someone should probably stay and watch the house. You remember that one time Mitch warned us about those kids?" Anon said, alluding to a previous near engagement on his property in the hours of the late night/early morning.

"Yes, something did happen then but that's very very unlikely to happen again." Mother reassured. Even if the odds of some punks returning were astronomically low in his out-in-the-woods neighborhood, especially for something like that to turn into a home defense were even lower, a chance was still a chance and now he'd qualified himself better prepared this time around.

>>33145174

"Well, if it happened once then you know it can happen again. Regardless, I'm not sleeping in a hospital chair or on a stone mattress at the motel down the road. I'll be fine here." With his confidence bolstered by the mere presence of his weapon, he was certain he'd be able to defend himself if need be. Mother was not as convinced as he was and raised her eyebrows as she knew what was going through his mind, only difference is he believed he would only resort to shooting as a last measure while mother dearest thought he would be a bit too trigger happy.

"...behave yourself and be careful." With those words, she gathered her things for the night and left him in peace. Anon gave only a nod and looked to the television. Now all he had to do was lock up and steel his resolve to face the weapon in question.

Ascending the stairs to his room, Anon was thinking over his approach. No telling what potential abuse he'd have to face for his actions earlier but whatever made the night go smoother. Breath held as he entered the room, Anon prepared for the worst. Expecting to be greeted with cold quips, verbal assault or a physical confrontation, he was mildly surprised to find only silence.

'Guess this was to be expected as this happened the last time I pissed her off' he thought as he simply picked up the rifle and slapped on the bayonet then grabbed one of the spare packs of the surplus ammo. Cradling his rifle and descending the stairs back into the living room, Anon paces to the front and back doors, locking both then quickly peeking out the door to the garage to ensure his forgetful mother didn't leave it open. Giving the all clear to no one in particular, he sat on the couch and tore open the wax paper wrappings. Five shots pulled from the bunch and loaded one by one into the magazine. Anon always felt a bit of satisfaction watching the round slide forward as he put he bolt into battery.

>>33145221

Putting his attention on the television, the usual nonstop news coverage of the election played out and drove Anon to disregard the tv completely and use it for background noise. Pulling out his trusty phone and scrolling through whatever he could find to sate his boredom, he found himself looking from his phone to the rifle lain across his lap. His fear of absent mindedly pulling the trigger grew until he no longer felt safe with a loaded weapon without a manual safety just lie like it is. Of course he could always use the terribly designed safety mechanic but then he'd be sitting there fumbling with it while someone is breaking down his door. Deducing the best course of action for fast use would be to keep it on an empty chamber and rack the bolt when a threat presents itself, Anon prepared his rifle.

Opening said bolt and taking out the first round, Anon pushed the other four rounds down further into the magazine and closed the bolt back up. Placing the fifth on the end table he went back to his phone.

"What was point of that?" The accent laden voice asked

"I don't feel safe having a cocked and unlocked weapon in my hands when I'm not planning on shooting it. Since you don't have a standard safety lever, button or switch it's safer to keep the chamber clear." He answered without looking up from the device.

"I have safety." Mila retorted defensively.

"What, twisting the cocking knob on the bolt? That would take too long" Anon finally looked up from his phone to meet Mila's stone gaze. She sat just as she did on the couch upstairs in Anon's room with arms folded across her chest, accentuating her bust and her legs crossed.

>>33145272

"No, do not put finger on trigger, идиoт. There, is safe" she said with a huff before looking to the TV. Anon looked her over for a bit with an eyebrow slightly raised. Realizing what he was doing, he inhaled, stretched his neck and rolled his shoulders back. Silence fills the air between the two for what feels like quite a while, the only audio comfort being the CNN report about Clinton being ahead in every poll.

"Who is that?" Mila asked with a tilted gaze.

"Wha- Oh, her with the blonde hair? That's Hillary Clinton."

"Oh..." She seemed to take a disappointed expression as she leaned further back into the couch and switched her legs around. "So she is bitch I hear about." The sudden insult elicited a half stifled chuckle from Anon.

"What is funny?" She asked, raising her voice. Mila did not like to be laughed at and would often take it as a personal insult.

"You. What you just said was kinda funny. I didn't know you knew about her." Anon said through small chuckles and a wide smile. Something about that smile must have been endearing to her as her stone gaze melted away to reveal a softer look. Keeping her eyes on the TV, she began to open up a bit.

"When I was in gun shop, whenever someone mentioned this 'Clinton' it would always be insult. They always say how she is bitch and will never take guns from them."

Anon could only nod in agreement at her generalization. "That's pretty much to be expected around here."

"Is she really trying to take guns away?" For a minute, one could actually hear a bit of concern in the rifle's voice.

"Well with the promises of new stricter regulations every time she's asked, probably. Don't let it bother you, she could never just outright take you."

Mila stared forward, gaze locked on to the image of Clinton moving around the screen and promising the world to all her voters. She was quite perturbed at the thought of possibly being taken or knowing that others could be taken from their owners.

Two pages of updates is good enough to post, right?

>>33145618
Fuck it.

>last time, Dear Reader, our illustrious hero was contemplating why someone would give up a profit in order to give up a gun

I kept mulling over my situation as I drove. First, and most importantly, I have a gun that I cannot shoot. This leads me to my second issue: the gun I cannot shoot is, in fact, a girl. Or maybe the girl is in the gun, except that makes little sense. Either way, I needed to fix the gun, which should allow me to fix the girl, which should lead to me shooting the gun, which was the entire purpose behind my purchase. Stopped at a red light, I looked in the rear-view mirror at the gun laying across my back seat and once again wondered how the hell I was going to explain a new woman in my life to my wife.

Deciding that it was too quiet in the car, and damning what my new gun thought of my music, I decided to load up my eclectic soundcloud playlist. They were songs that I had found while Stumbling around the internet, downloaded, and never found again. I did not listen often, but when I did, I always felt centered. God knows I needed to center myself if I was going to survive tonight.
(https://soundcloud.com/user82272525/sets/final-stand)

Twenty minutes, three traffic lights, two highway intersections, and one curious motorcyclist later, I was home. Thankfully, my wife was out with friends, so I was saved from an immediate explanation of my predicament. The brief reprieve only served to force me to immediately research. A quick stop to stevespages later, I was ready to take the gun apart enough to zero in on the issue. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, rifle across my lap, array of tools within arm’s reach, and my computer displaying how to take the stock off, my wife interrupts me.

>>33145727
“Well, hi! How long have you been home?” She asked as she poked her head around the door.

“I dunno,” I responded, “maybe an hour?” I leaned back as I turned to face her. “How is Amy?”

“She’s good, so is John. They both wondered where you were, but I told them that you had stuff to do. Something noncommittal. Anyway,” she paused to grab a beer from the minifridge I keep in the room, “what’s the issue with that? You don’t normally spread out like that unless you’re gonna play with your guns.”

“Yeah...as it turns out, she’s broken,” I responded. “The stock looks like it was cut apart and poorly pieced together. I think I’ll have another project on my hands, and this time I probably won’t blow myself up.”

“Oh, good. As long as you don’t….wait, ‘SHE’?” The beer bottle almost fell from her hands when she tried opening it mid-speech. I would be lying if I said I was unprepared for this reaction. My wife has a jealous streak, and it had been quite a while since it was last seen.

“Yeah...uh...about that…” I stammered, “see, this gun apparently is sentient. I had one hell of a surprise when I found out about the broken stock.”

“I call bullshit,” she accused. She even emphasized by pointing at me with her beer-hand, keeping the other fingers wrapped around the bottle itself.

She can call bullshit all she likes, but it still won’t change the fact that I’m your geist. The words came from nowhere in particular, which was weird, but they also sounded exactly like the girl from earlier, which was weirder.

>>33145307

"...would you fight for me?" the rifle's voice faltered from it's usual commanding tone.

"What?" he replied, dumbfounded by the sudden mood shift. The only thing filling the awkward pause between the two was the TV still going on about the election and its utmost importance that we band together to stop a fearmongering madman.

"If Clinton becomes leader and you have to give me up...would you fight for me?" The tenderness in her voice started to get to him along with the worried look she'd been shooting him. Anon took a breath and exhaled as if to portray he was in deep thought, even if he'd already made up his mind a couple seconds after she asked the question.

"Well...considering all the shit you've been giving me, combined with your constant physical attacks..." he trailed, letting his tone go cold. The rifle began to fear being locked away in a cold armory like she was all those years ago or worse, being melted down for salvage. She folded her arms tighter and expected Anon to return her cruelty.

'I would...in a heartbeat. I paid for you and I wouldn't let them just take you. Besides, you're special." He may be a mean fuck sometimes but in order to make peace with his rifle Anon had to man up and let go of the past transgressions between the two. He knew there would probably only be more from the finicky Mila.

Her eyes brightened a bit at him describing her as special. she almost couldn't wrap her head around it as the last to compliment her at all was long dead.

The only response the rifle could make was "Don't say such things..." as she'd broken eye contact with her owner.

Mila was convinced this woman would be out to get her, even if she'd had no evidence of such intention. The nonstop negativity toward the democratic candidate had succeeded in drilling that into her mind.

Hours later into the night and anon had begun to yawn and feel sleep's familiar pull. His bed coercing him into coming back for more like a faithful whore.

>>33145739
>editor's note, I did not realize that italics didn't translate to something else in the post window. Henceforth, italics are denoted /as such/, and will be used in only specific circumstances. Previous sentence should read /She can call bullshit all she likes, but it still won’t change the fact that I’m your geist./

“Oh, shut up,” I said, and then realized I had no idea if I was talking to my wife or not.

She, however, did not even consider that there might be someone else in the room. “I’m not gonna judge if you call it a “she”. They did it in “Full Metal Jacket” and in “Firefly”, so I don’t see a problem. But,” she added after taking a swig, “I still think it’s bullshit.”

“I love you,” I said. I meant it, too.

/Tell her to pick me up,/ I heard from, once again, nowhere.

“She won’t.”

“She won’t...what,” my wife slowly inquired. I suddenly realized that I was speaking out loud in response to a question that she had not heard herself. “Who the fuck are you talking to?”

I must have looked obviously afraid for my mental health. “Uh…” I hesitated, “The gun? I think? She wants you to pick her up,” I managed to get out.

>>33145785
“I’m still calling bullshit on the gun being sentient, so I hope that you’re fucking with me...for your sake,” she let the unfinished threat hang in the air. I simply shrugged and handed her the rifle. She, of course, grabbed above the cut in the stock and caused it to fall apart. However, she also paused long enough for me to know that she was hearing the same voice that I was. Her eyes widened, grip tightened, then dropped the rifle.

I managed to get a solid grip before the butt smacked into the floor. Recovering my balance and position, I noticed that my wife simply upended and downed the bottle, then quickly tossed it and grabbed a new one. After popping the lid, she turned and stiffly walked away.

“Honey?” I called. She remained silent and kept walking. “Babe?” I could not tell if she was angry, but I had learned enough body language to know that I should probably leave her alone for a while. Thus, I stared at the rifle in my hands and asked “what the fuck just happened?”

/I told her about me/, I once again heard.

>>33145727
>>33145739
>>33145785
>>33145800
Ok, I guess I need to learn how many posts I can get from how many pages.

Anyway, thoughts? I want to believe I'm past the drudgery.

Comment in the link where it needs help. Please. It helps.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/10NzyDUSoX-b5QLEq4wxRPl8gZJ-_JVamrrIyW_SgOMw/edit?usp=drivesdk

>>33145837
Jeez, I am loving this story.
Like the fact you've included a person in Anon's life that could be opposed to a geist due to romantic purposes. Not sure why no one did it yet.
Keep it up. Looking forward to where this is going.
>>33145755
Good feels, Anon.

Probably gonna post some cute operator stuff. Related in reference to my past two stories, but not fully related to my android one.
Should I?

>>33145755

The third yawn in a row escaped him as the lights on the cable box read 3:46 AM. Thinking that getting up and pacing around the living room would help him stay up, he rose and began making laps. The fourth time he blocked Mila's view of the TV, she let out a heavy sigh.

'What on earth are you doing?" she asked.

"Can't sleep now. Last time I came down here, someone was trying to look for a way into the cars and then into the house. I need to be ready for them" He replied as he continued pacing around the living room and through the kitchen.

"Walk somewhere else. You block view." Mila said with a shooing wave of her hand.

"There's nowhere else TO walk, Mila. If I could, I would."

"You believe this person to come back?" Taking her eyes off the screen and locking them onto his own made him stop in in his strut.

"Not them but maybe someone else. No cars in the driveway and the lights off at three in the morning. Its more likely at this hour and under these circumstances."

"So turn lights on."

"Don't want to and it probably wont do much."

"идиoт"

With his marching ending after finishing an unknown number of laps around the interior, Mila had enough.

'Anon. Come, sit."

Obliging her and following directions, he sat back down next to her and looked over.

"Is there something you need?" He asked

Uncrossing her legs, she patted her lap. "Come"

"What? I'm not sitting on your lap."

"No, idiot. Lay your head and rest. If anyone comes, I will wake you."

Sleep deprived and not wanting to annoy her further, Anon laid his head down on her lap and faced upwards. "Like this?" With a finger to his lips, she shushed him and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Good, now sleep" she cooed.

Within minutes, Anon had clocked the fuck out and went limp. A small Smile spread across the rifles lips in response.

"Goodnight Vas-" Mila's body shuddered as she stopped herself from uttering the name.

>>33146027
Absolutely, Anon

>>33146058
This is a nice story, I hope you see it through.

>>33146027
Please do!

>>33146058
Sorry I'm pretty damn slow with pumping these out. Criticism welcome as always.

>>33146089
Anon's paranoia is pretty funny and Mila should capitalize on that - loving the story so far (and don't forget to update your pastebin so this isn't lost in the post)

[Two weeks after Ukrainian strike mission.]

They were in the barracks. Annushka, Nadine, Natalya, Alexei, all of them. Normally, Annushka and Natalya shared a room, but tonight, that would change. In exchange for some Absolute, Abram agreed to switch rooms for the night. The sergeant sat on Abram’s bed, slender fingers messing with each moving part on her VAL. She was dressed in only a tank-top and white, cotton panties; raven hair was let loose and curtained her shoulders like a cloak made of night. Make up? Unnecessary. Having grown up with such traditional family values, keeping oneself clean was all she needed to do. That near-porcelain skin was free of any blemishes, any moles, but, due to their dangerous nature, scars would be obvious.

The VAL was stripped down and parts laid around her crossed legs. Her voice was kept quiet, humming her favorite song: Katyusha. It was cliché but she could never forget the lyrics or rhythm. Across the way sat Alexei. He was reading a book about the Sino-Japanese War, blue eyes scanning both pages before turning to the next. The room was silent except for Annushka’s humming, her gaze moving from the rifle up to her fellow soldier. Usually men gave her an odd feeling, one of discomfort or distrust. She wasn't exactly… Normal, in high school. Her masculine personality pulling curious boys close but, leaving them scrambling away once they realized that she was capable of ending a life from nearly a mile away with a basic Mosin.
He was different though.

>>33146150
He never treated her differently. His view on her was one of confidence, an expectation of leadership that she was to uphold.
He felt /that/ though.
Blue eyes stared up at him from underneath his book, soft hair covering his lap and a gentle smile formed upon her flawless features.
“Alexei…”
Curse that silky, tempting voice.
“Aleeexeeiii..”
The upper corner of the right page was folded inwards and the book was closed, a sigh escaping his lips as he gave in.
“Yes, Annushka?”
Slender fingers grabbed the spine of the book and pulled it away from him, the tome being tossed onto the opposing bed where the reassembled VAL lay.

“We should go out tomorrow, me and you.”
“... Why? Are you, taking a liking to me or something?”
Now Annushka’s face was flushed a deep crimson. “And so what if I am?!”
The male simply chuckled, a hand running over her scalp and his fingers brushing through her black hair. “I wouldn't mind it; in fact, I'd welcome it.”
“You… Would?”
“Of course. Why wouldn't I?”
“Well… There's Nadine--” To which, she was cut off.
“Nadine loves Natalya, you know that.”
“R-right… But what about Natalya--” Once again.
“Natalya loves her job too much, let's be honest. Either way, I will admit, they are attractive women, but… They're not you.”
His hand cupped the woman’s cheek, her eyes wavering a tad as deeper emotion seemed to break through the tough resolve.

>>33146150
>>33146160
Thoughts so far?

>>33146213
I like it. I've got nothing to nitpick out of it, so keep it up!

>>33146160
“Okay… You got me…” She couldn't deny her feelings, especially now that he has exploited them in such a way. “Can you answer my question at least?”
Alexei would give a nod and with a smile, say, “No.”
“W… What?” Thump-thump.
“No, I won't go out with you tomorrow. I want to spend the next two days with you. Tonight, tomorrow, Sunday we can go to church. How about that?”
Her eyes were watering up now, a sudden flash of anger passing through her features as she suddenly sat up and pinned the man down by his shoulders.
“You… Big idiot! Don't scare me like--!”
Those words were cut off by his lips, her hands gripping onto fistfuls of his striped shirt as her body relaxed.

After a brief moment of pure passion, they broke off, staring at each other with blue eyes before Annushka asked: “You know how to shut me up… Don't you..?”
There was simply a shrug from the other, a grin tugging on the corners of his lips. “I could interrupt you ag--”
Revenge was served, and… He couldn't resist. His heart slammed against his chest with each moment they spent together. It was like the final piece of puzzle, a cold soda on a hot summer day, the chambering of the perfect round; the list of comparisons for perfection could go on.
Once they ended their ever-growing steamy session, Alexei would shake his head, “Let's get some sleep… Okay?”
That was the other reason she admired him so much. The face of desire couldn't tempt such a devout man, his body was hot and she could feel his temptation between his legs, but in his mind, he overcame such a want.
“Okay, we’ll sleep.” To which, Annushka would lay herself down next to him, and close her eyes, smiling as she felt his arms wrap around her small frame.

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General question. What music do you guys listen to if at all when writing? Maybe something will give me a flash of inspiration

>>33146576
It depends on what I want to write. My future stuff I've been listening to a LOT of EDM, my modern day stuff can range from Serbian folk music to even metal.

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>>33146576

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUy_cc7386k

Stuff like this helps. Can't figure out why, most people tell me it's really distracting.

>>33146601
So just put on something that matches the mood or setting essentially?

>>33146620
Good theme but I prefer gta4 for some reason.
> spinoff of Mila becoming Russian gangster in NYC

>>33139459
11 hours later still nothing, just man up and admit that you don't know how to 'fix' the things you complained about.

Or better yet, STFU until you *do* have something positive/helpfull to say.

>>33139265
>literally the first comment on a new story
>"I like this, but I have some criticism, but I'm too lazy to say anything more than that your grammar sucks"

seriously?

>>33146576
Eurobeat, Hollywood undead and occasionally dire straits

test

>>33146576
Lots of grunge and classic rock, as well as synthwave. Carpenter Brut really helps me get in the mood to write some pseudo Mad Max shenanigans.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYtVf0wvPpc

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>>33147102
>>33147149
>How to guarantee people don't give your story feedback

>>33147928
>>How to guarantee people don't give your story feedback
if the feedback is going to be "something about your grammar sucks, but I won't tell you what that something is", then I'm not interested in getting it, if I knew what he was referring to by saying that my grammar could use work, I would have fixed the problem(s) before posting, now wouldn't I?

>>33146058
>goodnight Vas-
Ohhh, you BASTARD.

>>33146576
I have a set of noise cancelling headphones that I use. I don't always have music playing, either.

>>33139265
>>33137830
In the same section that you mention EK, you have 3 run-on sentences.
>..." you start explaining, but can't bring yourself to finish. In the end, you don't have to. Yoshida Emi (is this written in western style, or Japanese? Family name first or last?) is your fellow classmate, outgoing and liked by most, but also rather 'adventurous' as well as extremely gullible. If she's doing EK, it's only a matter of time before her file lands on someone's desk at the 1st Investigation Department. You would prefer the desk be yours instead of someone from 1st section.

The main issue I have (that I didn't edit) is your use of contractions when not in dialogue. I doubt there is a rule about it, but there's something that bothers me about it when used outside of SPOKEN sentences.

Also, what's EK? You haven't mentioned it before. You didn't explain it now. Are you planning to get to that later?

Anyway, that's my bit, because some chucklefuck can't finish what he started.

I gotta get to work.

>>33146576
depends on what part of a story I'm on, but a lot of hotline miami soundtrack since that was a big influence.

>Casual story progressing parts I usually loop this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P_ugpuRStQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuKziVeiHzA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vzLiHHvK0w
>Fast action parts any of these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SKB6HKJnwQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaE20aXxCz4
>Sad reflection parts I go with these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jAyfGzSaz0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_wqoa2Y8U4

>>33147994
Hey, chill man. You're posting a fic on a Malaysian bamboo weaving forum. Life came crashing down on me, and it needed to be addressed as it actually affects me.

First sentence could use a period right after "...you board the packed train," instead of a comma.

This part "...you routinely scan the car with your eyes, trying not to look suspicious. In the one year you have been doing this you have yet to be noticed." could be combined into one sentence, along with removing some words, such as "routinely" and "with your eye." How else does he scan the train, with his nose?

Second line could use a period after "...a voice coming from your bag whispers" instead of a comma. In that same line, "you take another look at the man the voice is clearly referring to" and possibly change it to "you take another look at the man the voice referred to..." and add in "which" immediately proceeding "in your opinion a prime example of a target for molesters."

Line 4 would flow better if the following was changed to this "asked the voice, ignoring your plea that she stop calling you that. Your name is Takashi, damn it!" and then have Takashi refer to the voice in the next line of dialogue.

Various examples of run on sentences throughout that it would honestly take too long of a time to point out every single run on sentence. Look at where you places various commas, see if they do work or not. If the comma doesn't seem to fit, see if it works better as being a period or removed entirely.

There is more going on, and I wish I could point out more grammatical errors or things to improve your sentence structure, but I'm still not out of the fire.

>>33148251
>still not out of the fire
What?

>>33148286
Busy as fuck due to projects, exams, research, and people working with me suddenly dropping the ball. Believe it or not, a bunch of us do have a life outside of 4chan.

Don't take it personally or that I have some malicious intent when I point out that grammar and sentence structure could use some work. I want the fic to do well, which is why I even bothered to mention to keep yourself aware of what you are writing.

>>33148251
As far as I can see you did't point out a single grammatical error, but a binch of artistic choises you don't agree with

>>33148161
EK is short for Enjo Kousai, or compensated dating, I'll reply in-depth when I'm not on my phone.

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>>33148325
Oh, trust me, I'm not that guy to whom you pointed out errors. I'm another tripfag, but I don't like to trip when I'm not posting content related to me. And yeah, a life outside 4chan...you don't need to preach to the choir on that.
>recent graduate
>promotion at work means learning new skills and responsibilities
>have wife
>have family close by
>have guns that still need fixing and tweaking
>have story to plan and write
>have depression, general malaise, and other health issues
I do get it, man.

>>33148402
Oh, I thought it was a drug mixture of ecstasy and ketamine. And suddenly, I want to experiment with drugs....dammit, DARE.

>>33148413
How'd you jump to drugs when the MC is a police detective who investigates sexual crime & is talking about going to red light district?

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>>33148446
How do you NOT?

Red light districts dont just sell pleasures of the flesh in the form of flesh.

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~110 pages done on my novel so far. Hoping it gets somewhere, seeing as to how biological sci-fi isn't really accepted by the masses. Yet.

>>33148161
>In the same section that you mention EK, you have 3 run-on sentences.
uhh, what? Period marks the end of a sentence, I count five sentences in your quote.

>(is this written in western style, or Japanese? Family name first or last?)
Japanese style; family name first

>contradictions
please elaborate

>>33148527
I've sperged about big tanks and general stupid shit for like 250 pages now, so I'd say you're okay

>>33148325
>Don't take it personally or that I have some malicious intent when I point out that grammar and sentence structure could use some work.
are you telling me you couldn't figure out that maybe I'd like to know what you were talking about? How do you figure I would know what to 'fix' if I'm not told what 'needs' 'fixing'? I'm not a fucking mind reader.

>Believe it or not, a bunch of us do have a life outside of 4chan.
I'll ignore how offensive that looks like to me right now, if you don't have the time to explain what you are talking about, perhaps don't comment before you *do* have the time to spare, perhaps even prepare a detailed list of the things you want to point out? Simply commenting "there's a problem" and then disappearing without explaining what the problem is is infuriating to the person you are talking to, is it not?

>>33148525
again, the MC investigates sexual crime and specifically says that the thing he suspects Yoshida of doing falls under his jurisdiction? Since when has drug abuse been a sexual crime?

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>>33148549
I didn't quote directly, I edited from the original text. Come on, man. I said it where I mentioned contractions, which are different from contradictions, which is what I think you're talking about.

Contractions - can't, won't, he's, it's, etc. Omitting a letter to make a shorter word overall.

Contradictions - literally, "against what was spoken".

Don't worry, man. If I had to learn English as a second language, or third (for those obscenely smart bastards in this thread, you know who you are), I would have just quit by now. It is legitimately a retarded language. Pic entirely related.

>>33148388
>binch
*bunch

>>33148606
Drug abuse in and of itself isn't a sexual crime, but the two are not mutually exclusive. Entrepreneurial pimps have been known to sell harder drugs as well as women, get their prostitutes addicted to the drugs in order to make them sell their bodies, even snatch girls that were simply partying and doping them with something so highly addictive that they basically acquired a free prostitute.

You haven't watched many documentaries in human and/or drug trafficking, have you?

>>33148628
>Come on, man. I said it where I mentioned contractions, which are different from contradictions,
I misread, sorry about that, btw I am supposed to be able to speak three languages; two "domestic" languages plus English, currently I speak only one domestic language plus English.

>>33148586
>>33148660
Well fuck me, I didn't know English was your 2nd/3rd language. Sorry for assuming it was an issue of just not it being reread before being submitted.

Chill, dude, I really did not mean to get you worked up this hard.

>>33148646
none of which is relevant since the MC says that if he doesn't do something Yoshida's case will end up in "Murder section" & that if he does interfere it ends up in "Rape section", in Japan narcotics have their own dedicated law enforcement agency, and while I don't expect you to know that, I still can't see your logic that red light district plus sexual crime -detective equals drugs.

>>33148687
>Well fuck me, I didn't know English was your 2nd/3rd language.
my very first reply when grammatical erros were mentioned was that I am ESL (English Secondary Language, an acronym used pejoratively by 4channers)

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>>33148743
i feel ta on this one. English is third for me. I mean, it showed a lot in the start, but i like to think i am getting better

>>33146285
Nice to see the gang again, Szturm. I always enjoy your writing, from the action to the downtime.

>>33144418
It's nice to see some more realistic fics being posted. Keep going, I'm interested in where this will go.

>>33148574
JT book when?

>>33140587
"It's just like mornings on earth... Cold. For once in my life can something be hot? I remember hot weather when I was little, but... Nothing's every hot anymore. I guess it's what I get for relying on a nano suit to keep me from feeling it. Where's that jungle planet when I need it?" Jack thought, lamenting his chronic sensation of cold in his hands and feet, which was more or less always present except in the hottest forty or fifty degrees earth had to offer, from the upper eighties up.
>It hadn't helped Jack's condition of sensitivity to cold that hoodies dominated cold weather gear, and actual jackets were nowhere to be found when one wanted to be warm below fifty and not dying above thirty.
>Jack looked around the dwelling and decided that he'd call it a hut, before attempting to exit to find out if it was cooler or hotter inside.
>He found the door and tried to open it, failing, tripping a brief alarm, which shocked him enough to push him off the door and blaring some kind of warning in acrani that was entirely lost on him.
"I guess it's locked. Wouldn't want the new pet running away now, would we?" He said to no one in particular.
>Jack sat in a blanket by a window as he looked out into the world around him, Which looked like fall on earth, plants resembling trees turning brown, plenty of fading greenery. Jack just took it all in as he sat back under the blanket and prayed that Pitra would return with perhaps some clothing, made for him or an acrani, and hopefully it'd fit, since society in this world, like on earth, didn't relish the idea of constantly being naked, as he was able to observe even during his short stint of consciousness in the hospital.
>Jack watched as figures came and went, their cat elf like ears and blue skin, and various colors of hair, ranging from a white that couldn't be confused with the gray of aged humans, to a bright green that he also found to be somewhat calming to look at.
"Yeah. Looks like a peaceful planet."

>>33149018
Maybe when i am finished with it all. And have corrected everything

>>33148731
I'm probably biased in that my area when growing up was very inundated with drug use and prostitution.

It need not make sense to you, but my brain connected those particular dots.

>>33149289
This makes me incredibly happy.

>>33146576
I pretty much don't write without some music playing. I have a plethora of different kinds based on what I'm working on. Some of my stories even have flagship songs that when I listen to, I can't help but think of the story or a specific moment.

For my Western lately I've been listening to Marty Robbins, a lot of music used in the show Hell on Wheels, the History show Hatfields and McCoys, and then Ennio Morricone and some others. This one is particularly interesting because I'm directly interjecting Marty Robbins songs into the story itself, to give it that "love letter to Western media" feel.

For my Gunslinger Girl stuff I listen mainly to songs specifically from the show, which includes Light Before We Land, etc. I also usually listen to more emotionally strong music when I write that because the whole series has this suppressed emotional quality to it. Don't Fear the Reaper also became what I would call the flagship song to a novella length side story to the series that I'm going to fix up and drop in my GDocs soon.

For the Fallout: New Vegas stuff it's probably about as big a mix as I can get, in Desert Mosiac I had a song for each of the six characters, Johnny Cash, Iron Maiden, Rolling Stones, CCR, and Marcello Giombini sang them. The main song that I feel encompasses the story is The Man Comes Around by Johnny Cash, an Anon posted it in a music thread and it caught me by surprise how well it fit. The other stories to follow will all have different music inspiration.

Additionally, I really like referencing things, so in some stories like Desert Mosiac I put little references to my favourite songs, be it with names or situations. Sorry if all that drivel was boring to read, but music is definitely a big driving force to my writing.

>>33141183
>Hoping you continue this, Anon.
I'll try, but after having the grammar of what is in fact my chosen writing style questioned, then having my inquiry on what about it is bad ignored for 17 hours when I was promised an explanation in *couple of hours* I have been preoccupied & especially after seeing my chosen style criticized as "grammatic errors" I don't really feel like writing more right now...

>>33148866
Thank you. I still lurk here when I have time but last week, I ended up working about 72 hours. Took yesterday off for very, much needed rest and ended up getting some muse back from it. Tonight, depending on how busy it is, I'll try and upload more.

>>33149925
Well, maybe you shouldn't have thrown a tantrum like a fiveyearold and acted like any criticism was a personal slight against you.

>>33149925
No one hated or disliked your story, anon. The run on sentences were noticeable, sure, but it was a nice intro to what looked to be a good fic.

And stop obsessing over the fact that an anon ended up not falling through. Shit happens.

>>33149994
>Well, maybe you shouldn't have thrown a tantrum like a fiveyearold and acted like any criticism was a personal slight against you.
1) Neither of those happened until after some 11 hours had passed
2) I repeatedly said that I only have issues with being criticized & then receiving jack shit in form of anything I can use to fix things, when one is criticized it's only reasonable to expect the one doing the criticizing to actually be ready to elaborate on the things that need fixing within reasonable timeframe, 17 hours is *not* reasonable, and after those 17 hours it turns out the things that "need fixing" aren't even grammatical errors but stylistic choises the critic doesn't agree with (the complaints seem to be mostly about my use of commas and periods, after reading my text again I agree on two such changes, the rest is quite intentional)

>>33149990
Sweet! I'll be waiting!

>>33150068
>No one hated or disliked your story, anon.
that's not the issue, my style is what it is, and seeing how the first response I got was criticism of what the critic saw as grammatical errors when it's in fact my style I have lost pretty much any confidence I had in my writing.

>>33150146
>Neither of those happened until after some 11 hours had passed
Who cares? It's 4chin, time moves differently here. This isn't an office and we're not professional editors. We're just hobbyists.

>I repeatedly said that I only have issues with being criticized & then receiving jack shit in form of anything I can use to fix things
In other words, you were bitching because you thought you were entitled to something you're not actually entitled to.

>When one is criticized it's only reasonable to expect the one doing the criticizing to actually be ready to elaborate on the things that need fixing within reasonable timeframe
Uh, no. You're the one being unreasonable here.

>the things that "need fixing" aren't even grammatical errors but stylistic choices the critic doesn't agree with
I understand that it's hard to see when you're ESL, but a lot of the phrasing does feel clunky. It's hard to explain clearly why it sounds wrong, but it's obvious to a native speaker.

>the rest is quite intentional
Unless it's dialogue which is intended to portray the speaker as less-than literate, being intentional is not an excuse for phrasing that sounds awkward or jarring.

>>33150193
Your first response was someone saying they liked it, but you should be aware of your grammar. In terms of criticism, it's technical shit that, even by native speaking standards, is relatively small. I've seen people write research papers with the most atrocious sentence structures in my life, but the content was still good and just needed some minor tweaking.

You're taking it too personal. It happens to the best of us. Just keep writing, as you will only get better with practice. Plus, it's a fun story I cannot wait to see more of.

>>33149283
>Jack tried to remember what these new and strange yet familiar sensations were as he started to feel them, and went to the fridge as he remembered what hunger is.
>Jack watched as the sun finally lit the ground fully, and a figure emerged from a truck outisde and approached the hut.
>Pitra entered the hut, visibly shaking on contact with the cold air of the hut. Jack looked on at her as he realized this was abnormally cold for her.
"Too cold for you?"
>"A bit, you seem to be at home in it."
"No. This is actually about the middle of the average temperature range on my planet. A bit cold for me, actually."
>"Really? So I can turn off the cold air and you'll be fine with it?"
"No promises, but if the heat of the window is any indication I might want to stay on this planet forever. Is it this lovely all year?"
>"Yeah. You're wanted at the armory. They want you to tell them about some of the gear recovered at the crash. Here's some clothes they made you." Pitra said, handing Jack some remarkably familiar camo fatigues and a shirt before turning a dial on a box mounted to the wall.
"They made these for me? How nice of them."
>"Cute alien or not, you aren't walking around my planet naked. I may be a criminal, but I at least have some decency."
"Wait, YOU'RE a criminal too?" Jack said, finally finding something to which he could connect with his gracious host about.
>"Too? WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"I beat an officer, so naturally the punishment was ten years as a nano soldier, because the first thing you want to do when someone is criminally negligent with the use of severe beatings is give them the ability to beat a ship out of orbit on a whim."
>"Doesn't sound like much of a punishment."
"Well, with the risk of becoming a 'post human warrior' as we called them, and the lack of sleep, and other bodily functions for entire tours on end, it can become a living hell. until this... what I assume is morning, I hadn't eaten in eight months."

>>33150227
>being intentional is not an excuse for phrasing that sounds awkward or jarring.
>First sentence could use a period right after "...you board the packed train," instead of a comma.
that's purely a personal opinion

>This part "...you routinely scan the car with your eyes, trying not to look suspicious. In the one year you have been doing this you have yet to be noticed." could be combined into one sentence, along with removing some words, such as "routinely" and "with your eye." How else does he scan the train, with his nose?
more personal opinions

>Second line could use a period after "...a voice coming from your bag whispers" instead of a comma. In that same line, "you take another look at the man the voice is clearly referring to" and possibly change it to "you take another look at the man the voice referred to..." and add in "which" immediately proceeding "in your opinion a prime example of a target for molesters."
even more personal opinions

I don't see how any of these examples is awkward, some other parts that are not mentioned maybe, but these?

>>33150227
>Uh, no. You're the one being unreasonable here.
seriously? in your opinion it's OK to say that something is wrong & then not explain what it is that is supposedly wrong for 17 hours?

>>33150227
>This isn't an office and we're not professional editors. We're just hobbyists.
if we shouldn't take this seriously, then why the fuck can't you just let me write the way I want?

Actually scratch that, why are you complaining about my commas and periods when some others change the fucking tense ten times in a single post & manage to misspell every other word? If *I* get triggered by someone's bad English it must be especially bad for native speakers, yet I don't see anyone correcting their attrocious writing, no, it's my text that gets attacked...

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Hey guys, can we just get along instead?

>>33150499
I dunno, this thread is a lot more lively now.

Joking aside, currently looking over what has been posted by everyone so far (story-wise), and it's been some good reads.

>>33150336
>"How is that possible?"
"The suit does it. What crime did you commit?"
>"I stole a bunch of ammo and weapons to kill some enemies that... lets say I wasn't cleared to engage."
"Oh, so you acted autonomously. Against a stand down I take it?"
>"umm... yeah. How did you know?"
"It's all fairly similar. I did some time with the Pok, who did the same kind of shit, the only REAL difference is there's the occasional force that has a different discipline procedure and different penalties. Some of these guys have pagan sacrifices of bad soldiers, some have sacrifices of the best soldiers, some kill every tenth. Much of the life stays the same across every species and force you come across."
>"My punishment doesn't seem quite as severe when you tell me yours. I ended up being an infiltration and front line bypass specialist operating in capacities that I'd have to kill you to disclose. Should we head out to the armory?"
"Yeah. Lets go."
>Jack and Pitra walked out the door and into the open air, Jack shuddering with pleasure as he realized the air around him was at least eighty five degrees, maybe ninety.
>"You okay?"
"I just like hot temperatures. This has to be like... Ninety."
>"Ninety what?" Pitra asked, genuinely confused by the numerical value and its apparent meaning to the human.
"Ninety degrees."
>"What does that even mean?"
"It's nice and hot out here."
>"The heat?"
"Yes."
>"We have a different way of thinking about temperature here. Maybe a bit simple."
"How so?"
>"To put it in english, it's basically cold hot and burning. There are few variations on that save for really scientific purposes. But I don't think you'd understand that system. I don't, anyway."
"So they want me to teach them about earth weapons... suppose they'll have a good laugh when I tell them it's all kinetic projectile throwers."

>>33150499
if only it were up to me, but as longas mr. English professor keeps pushing my buttons I doubt I can go back to relaxing & thinking of how I should continue my stories (yes, plural, funny how when I namefag no-one has complaints about my English, yet as soon as I drop the handle for something in another thread/on another board & forget to add it back when I come back I get people like Professor above alternating between getting on my nerves & then telling me to chill before going right back to getting on my nerves...)

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>>33150821
Hey, no one here is an english professor here. And there are many foreigners, so to say. I speak english after finnish and swedish, and i still have managed to write a stupid amount of JT, AT, the harem story, the battleship smut and some random shit here and there

Am i saying it's all good? fuck no.

I just think he wanted to help you. Maybe he said it in a bad way or something, but i really don't think he means anything bad

And if means something, i still want to read the Tokyo cop story

>>33150362
>that's purely a personal opinion
That wasn't me, but he's right. The current structure of the sentence makes it unclear what actions are connected to what, because the subjects aren't properly separated.

>more personal opinions
Nah, he's still correct. Being concise with your writing isn't just a personal opinion. Or if it is, it's one that the majority of English speakers hold. As Billiam Shakesman once said, "Brevity is the soul of wit". I struggle with this myself, it's a common error but still affects the overall quality.

>I don't see how any of these examples is awkward
Because you're not a native speaker. Trust me, if you were it would be obvious.

>>33150430
>seriously? in your opinion it's OK to say that something is wrong & then not explain what it is that is supposedly wrong for 17 hours?
Yes. Making a comment doesn't mean someone is obligated to do anything for you. You're acting like a spoiled brat for no good reason. Your general tone and the way you're responding to this (making three angry kneejerk replies to the same comment, for example) are not doing you any favors.

>>33150479
>if we shouldn't take this seriously, then why the fuck can't you just let me write the way I want?
I'm not telling you how you HAVE to do anything. Neither is anyone else. You wanted criticism, and you got it. Now you're complaining about it. The person acting unreasonably is you.

>Actually scratch that, why are you complaining about my commas and periods when some others change the fucking tense ten times in a single post & manage to misspell every other word? If *I* get triggered by someone's bad English it must be especially bad for native speakers, yet I don't see anyone correcting their attrocious writing, no, it's my text that gets attacked...
You're not being attacked. None of this is a personal slight against you. In fact, it's because the errors are relatively minor and the overall piece has merit that you're getting responses at all. Calm down.

>>33150821
You are misinterpreting the criticism YOU ASKED FOR as personal attacks against you. Nobody is saying you can't write. In fact, more people in this thread told you they wanted more than offered any criticism. You are overreacting and making an ass of yourself. Nobody is out to get you. If you don't want criticism, then don't ask for it. If you do, you don't get to complain when you get it.

Insulting people who are trying to help you and acting like a crybaby is not going to engender good will towards you.

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>writefags complain they don't get enough (you)'s
>Writefag goes on a shitfit when he gets a bit of criticism

Maybe we should just go back to silent acknowledgement.

>>33150959
>Yes. Making a comment doesn't mean someone is obligated to do anything for you.
I never claimed he was, I asked him did he seriously not expect that I might have questions about what he's talking about, then things snowballed from there.

>(making three angry kneejerk replies to the same comment, for example)
firstly they are not angry, the fact that you perceive them as angry tells more about you than it does about me, then about the number: unfortunately this website doesn't allow post editing, so if I want to add something after I have already posted a reply I need to post another one, deal with it.

>You wanted criticism
actually all I wanted was a reply within a reasonable timeframe, after 20+ years of being criticized (or rather brutally picked on-) for just about anything I do & never getting usefull advice I can't help but assume that when someone criticizes me, says they'll give me details in a couple of hours & then doesn't respond for 11+ hours that they never intended to reply & lied that they would, I hate lying almost as much as I hate broken promises, sue me.

>You're not being attacked.
you keep making accusations, I'd call that attacking.

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>>33151122
>>33150959

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP IT YOU TWO

>>33151005
>You are misinterpreting the criticism YOU ASKED FOR as personal attacks against you. Nobody is saying you can't write. In fact, more people in this thread told you they wanted more than offered any criticism. You are overreacting and making an ass of yourself. Nobody is out to get you. If you don't want criticism, then don't ask for it. If you do, you don't get to complain when you get it.
this isn't about not liking the criticism I got, this is about someone claiming there were problems with my grammar & then going away for 17 hours before answering & the answer showing that what he had called problems with my grammar were far from what he had led me to believe with his initial comments.

>Insulting people who are trying to help you
where have I insulted anyone? If anything others have been insulting me.

>>33151122
>>33151186
Look, you clearly have issues that go way deeper than what someone said about your writing on an anonymous Cambodian sweatshop scribble board. I can't help you if you insist on interpreting everything said to you as a personal attack. Do whatever you want, I don't care. But people probably aren't going to help you based on the way you're treating anyone who tries.

>>33151100
>sees an anon upset over something & bunch of others fanning the flames
>jumps in while pretending he's not making things worse

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>>33151186
>this isn't about not liking the criticism I got, this is about someone claiming there were problems with my grammar & then going away for 17 hours before answering & the answer showing that what he had called problems with my grammar were far from what he had led me to believe with his initial comments.

Has it occurred to you that people might have other obligations outside of writing on 4chan? Sometimes people get pulled away from their computer for a while. Nobody here is obligated to respond quickly. Hell, sometimes I post shit here and it NEVER gets replies. But when that happens, I get over it. Just be calm. It's not the end of the world when someone takes longer than expected to reply.

>>33151195
>But people probably aren't going to help you based on the way you're treating anyone who tries.
if you call provoking me further just as I am calming down after getting it all out of my system, then I don't think I need your 'help', you see I have a compulsion of always responding to comments directed at me, even when I'd prefer not to.

>>33145755
this is pretty cute anon, I like it

>>33151272
>Has it occurred to you that people might have other obligations outside of writing on 4chan?

how hard can it be to simply not say anything if they don't have the time to answer questions about what they are about to say?

>>33151305
Because life sometimes likes to drop things on people they did not expect, causing them to make the things that affect them personally on a higher priority.

>>33151305
>if they don't have the time to answer questions
Have you considered that he may have not expected to be away from his computer? While I admit that it would grind my gears if someone didn't reply to a specific question of mine for hours, it's just not enough to get worked up over. And again, nobody here is obligated to do anything for you. He said he was busy, and that it would probably take a couple of hours. On 4chan, that can mean anything from a couple hours, to a good chunk of the day, depending on how busy someone is IRL.

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>>33140587
Space '90s! Fucking love the '90s and space. This is so great! Does he find a Mir room? Oh wait, Jackie is going through a thing right now, isn't he? Hope he'll pull through.

>>33142263
That made me warmly smile. Poor things have so many worries. They should know that they are loved.

>>33144418
That's really good. I'm liking where it's at so far. Can't wait to read more.

>>33145837
This is a pretty interesting one. Rifle with geist enters a complete family. It's different, and I like it.

>>33146058
Aww. They're bonding. That's sweet. This is pretty sweet.

>>33146285
Good bit of character development there. Like the update.

>>33150764
Like this update here. Get a nice bit of worldbuilding and some good interaction with main characters. Pretty good so far.

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>>33151139
Maybe they should get a room.

>>33151100
>>33151222
>Double dubs answered by trips
What if I said I wanted actual critical feedback?

>>33150522
any favorites?

>>33151393
friendly reminder:
>I have a compulsion of always responding to comments directed at me, even when I'd prefer not to.

so yeah, I am done arguing and would like simply be left alone, it's now 21:26 GMT, replies posted after 21:40 may be met with hostility.

>>33151459
Of what was posted today, partial to Szturm, mainly due to initially liking what happened prior.

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>>33151464
>>33151393

or you two can stop sucking each others dicks and shitting on the entire thread

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Holy fuck

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>>33151484
Thanks Anon~

>>33151459
>>33151484
But in general, that's like asking what your favorite band is. Too broad, as every writefag brings something nice to the table.