Hey all, First a short introduction, I am a 23 yo student (m)

>>76766293
Anyways, all was fine and we were both super excited until something happened. It made me realize that there might be a bigger problem lying underneath our relationship, namely it feels like i love her more, than she loves me. The problem being, that I am making a huge commitment to come see her, not only now, but also longer term. Meanwhile, if i am brutally honest with myself, I have not seen anything of the sort from her. But it wasnt this that made me realize this, but another thing that happened. After talking on skype about her friends and stuff, i mentioned that i'd love to meet them. She said, that I cannot meet her friends. The same happened when talking about her sister. We did talk about meeting her parents, but she only wants me meeting them as a friend, not as boyfriend.
(2/3)

>>76766310
Now her explanation to all of this was: A: She is ashamed of how we met (on the internet as penpals) and that we have been in an LDR without seeing each other. And she doesn't want to be judged by her friends and sister about this. B: She is scared that her parents think she should marry soon, and that they strongly oppose an LDR and that we met on the internet. That her parents worry about her being pregnant and me bailing back to my country (which is obv something i'd never do). After confronting her about it, and arguing for quite a bit, she still doesnt want me to meet her friends, no change in meeting parents and to the question whether to tell her sister that we are bf/gf, she said 'maybe'.
Now there are three things that may be relevant as well. First is that I caught her using tinder before. It broke my heart and nearly drove me to the edge of suicide. She has even went to gōkon with her friends, and i accepted it, she slept at her ex-bfs place whilst visiting another time and i accepted it. I did that because she told me about it, and was open. I trusted her. She didnt tell me about tinder, and it was a bit too much. She apologized for what she did, never lied about it. She said she did it for meeting friends, and after reading about it more, it seems that tinder in japan is often used for this (if someone can deny or confirm this, would be good too). I gave her the benefit of the doubt for this. But of course now with this problem, it doesnt help. Maybe she was actually dating others behind my back, and her friends have met those people, and that is why she doesnt want me to meet them. Or maybe it is just my insecurities whispering that.
(3/4) (who the hell thought of a 2000 char limit should be hanged)

>>76766335
The second point that may be important, is that she accused me of stalking and that she 'hates that'. Although the stalking she means isnt referring to the previous tinder usage, but to me asking her every day how her day was, what she did etc. I do this because she is not very talkative, and doesnt start conversations herself. I feel like this is one of the very few things we have in our life to connect to each other with such a distance.
The last one is that her facebook status is set to single.
Do any of you have any advice, suggestions, comments or whatever to make? I am really really anxious, and thinking that maybe I should even bail, or visit another place. I came to there just for her, but if it is going to be emotional torture for 43 days, I would rather lose my money.
(4/4)

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>>76766293
>>76766310
>>76766335
>>76766370

>>76766502
well if you come to this website, and expect not to read, you are in the wrong place
>>>/b/

>>76766293
>>>/adv/
>>>/soc/
>>>/reddit/

>>76766588
Posted here because long distance relationship
>>>/reddit/
>unironically referring anyone to reddit
>>>/soc/
endless dickrate and virgin threads, you'd get better advice from a trashcan
>>>/adv/
Not that bad of an idea, will try thanks

>>76766659
Honestly, LDR is a meme I fell for long time. It was great at first but it's hard to keep it interesting. I wish you luck.

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>>76766293
Normalfag, fuck off and die.

>>76766931
>>>/r9k/

It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation. I've only been in a long distance relationship with someone 7 hours drive away and that was hard enough, I can't imagine being half a world away. My current GF met a her ex online and was with him for years before they actually we're together. Once they were, he fell into heroin usage and many other bad things, and he was clingy and emotionally manipulative. It sounds like a different kind of situation but it's all I can relate to yours.

Anyway, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone that isn't embarrassed to be seen with you, or to introduce you to their friends and family. Relationships require mutual commitment especially when there's mutual challenges of being long distance. That she isn't willing to commit to you in the same way you are to her is a warning sign that things will not work out the way you would like easily. I wish I had better advice to give or more experience to relate. But if you don't feel respected or loved, and she doesn't seem committed to you in the way you are to her, perhaps you should find someone more able to fulfill your emotional needs.

>>76766293
What kind of faggot has LDR's. Is like having all the bad shit of having a gf (attention whoring and clingy shit) but you can't fuck her because distance.. is that hard to fuck some dutch bitch or something?

>>76767072
Thank you for your words of advice and wisdom, I guess it makes a ton of sense.

Sadly the money is already spend. I guess I will just go and make the best of it, and see how it turns out. Hell, who knows, maybe she'd even introduce me after all and things will turn out okay. Otherwise, I will have to follow your advice and break up.

I read the entire thing. Go on your trip, have fun (with or without her, I say the latter for your own good), come back to Holland, break up with her and never talk to her again.

This is doomed.

>>76767265
Of course, just try to enjoy yourself. It must be very exciting and nerve wracking to meet your girlfriend for the first time in person. Even if things don't go as well as you'd like, you'll still experience a new culture and have a trip you'll remember for the rest of your life. I wish you all the best anon.

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>>76766293
>>76766310
>>76766335
>>76766370
>LDR without seeing each other
>I caught her using tinder
>It broke my heart and nearly drove me to the edge of suicide

go and see what happens.
attitudes change with proximity and physical presence and face to face conversations.
if it doesn't work out with her then I think vacationing in Japan for a bit could be good anyway, new experiences should help you clear your mind instead of sitting at home and thinking about it.
and certainly don't stick with her if you get the impression that her attitude won't change...

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>>76766335
>I caught her using tinder before. It broke my heart and nearly drove me to the edge of suicide

just in case, what make you think she rly love you?
and why are you so obsessed with her?
clearly she has other plan for you, so you may need to make up your mind

>>76767302
>>76767512
>>76767426
Yeah it makes a lot of sense. Maybe I became too committed myself, and put too much expectations on it.
Thanks for all your well wishes and advice
>>76767609
Thanks for the good laugh, you cracked me up
>>76767660
>just in case, what make you think she rly love you?
Yes I am starting to wonder that too. It is hard to crack through the first shell of japanese people and to see their true feelings, but i think she does. However, I have no real tangible proof of it, and that is the problem.
>and why are you so obsessed with her?
Because i do love her a lot, it is feeling you know. And the more she seems to slip away the more i miss her.
You are right that maybe i need to make up my mind, but I guess i should do that after the holidays there like other anons mentioned.

>>76767862
How did you learn about tinder? Why were you okey with her sleeping at her ex's place?

You might seem too clingy and too beta, whereas for her it's nothing serious.

>>76767997
>How did you learn about tinder?
1337 hacker skills, i just found she was using her phone a lot on skype, so made a fake account and bingo. I should have ghosted her desu, would have found out her true intentions that way
>Why were you okey with her sleeping at her ex's place?
Because she was over him, and told me she had no feelings for him. She even skyped with me whilst at his place.
>You might seem too clingy and too beta, whereas for her it's nothing serious.
Clingy yes, beta maybe, but I dont let her fuck with me if need be

>>76768119
>1337 hacker skills, i just found she was using her phone a lot on skype, so made a fake account and bingo. I should have ghosted her desu, would have found out her true intentions that way

See that's the kind of crazy that's probably pushing her off.

>>76768119
That is a bit stalkerish

>>76768163
Was I wrong to do it though? I didnt want to accuse her for nothing. And she use tinder and hid it on purpose, never told me.

>>76768221
What do I know, this whole scenario seems completely crazy to me. LDRs without meeting before IRL are bullshit and you're stupid for taking it so seriously.

>>76768220
Yes I agree, but what would you do?
Do nothing?
Sometimes I think I should have just broken up then and there

>>76768119
If you really don't want her to fuck with you, just start acting like a tourist: enjoy Japan for a couple weeks and stop talking/seeing her. If she doesn't message you back (to meet again) even once, get over it and leave her be.

Maybe try again when she's about to become a christmas cake if you really like her so much. Clearly she isn't desperate enough yet

>>76768291
It's a hard situation and your instincts were correct so it's hard to fault you for it. At the same time being in a ldr doesn't really fill the need for physical proximity or intimacy and if she wanted to be casual about it or should have been discussed and clear before she looked on tinder. Perhaps most people aren't this open.

Trust and openness are vital for a successful relationship, especially long distance.

Despite being so much closer it seems unlikely I will stay with my GF when she goes back to college at the end of the summer. She has two years left and it's too difficult to make it work for me, despite is trusting each other completely and being best friends and loving each other

I can't tell you what to do as it's not my place and I don't know the details of your relationship, but insisting on openness is necessary. If you don't feel like you can trust her, there's not much of a future for the two of you.

>>76768827
>if she wanted to be casual about it or should have been discussed and clear before she looked on tinder.
Those were my thoughts, and I would have broken up at the time if she wanted that, it isnt what i was looking for.

>I can't tell you what to do as it's not my place and I don't know the details of your relationship, but insisting on openness is necessary. If you don't feel like you can trust her, there's not much of a future for the two of you.
I guess this is a point I should take home. Maybe talk to her about it, but she will be pissed off again... I will see how it will go
>>76768720
Its a funny suggestion, but sadly not one i can try, since i will be staying at her place. And about the christmas cake, if it comes to that i'd rather find someone else that does care

>>76766370
LDR is a meme.

Either commit to be with her, or find someone else.

>>76766293
>>76766310
>>76766335
You are waaaaay overthinking it
Long distance relationships is pointless

Do understand you don't mean anything to her until you fucked her and that is why she is behaving distant
LDRs can't be serious
She never expected you to ACTUALLY GO AND TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY you insane fuck she wanted someone to touch herself about on cam2cam and so she feels desired by you and gets her ego boost and that's it. She is reluctant to do more and shows herself as single on fb because it's not supposed to be a real thing jesus christ how are you this dense.

You asking her everyday how she is and asking to meet her fucking PARENTS even though YOU DIDNT EVEN FUCK HER is pure insanity and will make her back off even more

You make me sad anon

Idk how far in shit you are otherwise what you do is
-go to japan for tourism
-"hey i am going to japan for tourism wanna hang out one day"
-then you work from there irl

Not "hey i never met you but i am in love present me to your parents and we'll marry each other" loooooool wtf is that man are you serious ?

You are behaving like a 16yo beta right now it's fucking awful amd repulsive you won't do shit this way and you are way too emotional about this get your shit together

>>76767085
This guy is right

>>76770107
next to your name calling, thanks for the advice, and i see your point. Although I disagree that everything involves around 'fucking' that is quite an immature way of seeing things. Of course it is nice, but it isnt a hookup.

Gathering from all the other comments, I think I will do the following.
Go to Japan, meet up. Not make a big deal out of it.
Depending on how she handles the rest, I will handle it. If she introduces me to her parents, family and friends properly like the boyfriend i have been for 8 months, then I will keep committed to her too. She would have shown commitment herself. If she doesnt, that will be the last time I see her.

>>76770952
It may have been crude and not put in a very delicate way, sorry, this isn't that much about maturity more than about pragmatism and realism though. Yes you yourself are obviously a very serious person who believes in what he's doing but to most young women seeing someone on and off on the internet for 8 months i guarantee is absolutely nothing and at this stage you are a potential long term partner sure but still discardable, that's why she is single on facebook still

>Gathering from all the other comments, I think I will do the following.
>Go to Japan, meet up. Not make a big deal out of it.
It's not just the other comments it's also what i told you and this is indeed what you should do yes

>If she introduces me to her parents, family and friends properly like the boyfriend i have been for 8 months, then I will keep committed to her too. She would have shown commitment herself. If she doesnt, that will be the last time I see her.
Ok i won't go against you but do be fucking careful m8 you are suddenly barging into her life from the other end of the world like "i demand you introduce me as your official partner to everybody you know !"
even though you didn't fuck her (yes it does matter)
Objectively it's really scary and a major change in her life, i can only advise you do make that happen naturally rather than officially requesting it like right when you come off the plane yes ?

>>76771459
>"i demand you introduce me as your official partner to everybody you know !"
I wont be doing this. I will say nothing, and see what she does. If she tells her friends, sister parents, i will know she is worth it. Not because i pushed her, but because she did herself.

The thing I was worrying about though, was also that she didnt want her friends knowing, because she may have been dating someone else in these 8 months who they know about. Seeing how she was on tinder, this isnt like a far fetched situation.

Let me be crystal clear with you, m8.
You're a faggot. Consider receieving Darwin's award.

>>76771953
I am sorry, I dont need any advice from Azerbafukistan, thank you very much.

>>76771671
eh she may or she may not have it doesn't matter imo, if she is willing to give you a shot and house you 43days then you are very likely a better potential than anyone else she may or may not have seen those 8months

it's also very likely she wouldnt introduce someone she doesn't know in real life to her friends as her boyfriend already, that's a bit extreme
for example i myself wouldn't talk to a girl on the internet then tell my friends or family she's my gf without meeting her
they'd tell me i'm crazy and she's not my gf at all
no i'd tell them it's a girl i know from the internet and we are meeting up, since that's much more accurate and realistic

>>76772135
It's not an advice, advices are for those who can think. What you need is a bullet.

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>>76772436
Why doesn't your country even connect?

>>76772436
what you need is a karabagh

>>76766293
>>76766310
>>76766335
She isn't to blame in any case. She's just being herself, exploring what fits her best. You, X, Y, maybe Z. You, on the other hand, are playing a long con on yourself, and the haul is a proverbial kick in the guts

If she is not talkative, anymore or ever...doesn't initiate conversations, she's not invested. Be shy/aloof/uninterested/brief once, twice, hell, thrice, but after ten months of talks and still not showing the modest, civilized modicum of investment into a conversation, that's not about personality. That's about how interested she is in you
Everyone wants the "everyone wins, nobody loses" approach to breaking up/cutting contact. It is not possible.

No matter what she says, she's typing it after all...takes another step to complete relationship dehumanization...
You're a day's habitual activity to her. Like a pet she adores and pets now and then, but out of sight, out of mind

>>76766293
>from Japan
stopped reading right here

LDR are the devil, don't do this to yourself.

>>76774981
I'll expand a bit on this post, I have been in a LDR with a girl from Germany for one year and almost a half. Now we're breaking up because the distance is too much even if it takes us 6 hours by bus to reach each other. Unless you have serious plans to move to Japan (and you need to talk seriously to her) I would advice you don't do this, it's more pain than joy, do it only if you have plans of moving together or in the same city.