/brit/

gonna do a suicide

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

>>69771697
Lord Palmerston

>not Blair
screaming

>>69771727
Gordon Brown

>>69771727
PITT THE ELDER!

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>tfw can't get knighted

>>69771725
Upvoted xD

thailad got triple 6's in the last thread

>>69771725
Forgot about this, post the pictures

>>69771731

>bliar
>good

>>69771761
>falling for obvious bait

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>>69771731
hmm I wonder who could be behind this post

>>69771770

>Falling for obvious WMD lies

>>69771741
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/1395715.stm
>A diplomatic row has erupted between Canada and Britain over the knighting of two Canadian citizens in the Queen's Birthday Honours List.

Remember back before 9/11 when this was considered newsworthy?

business idea: drink your own spit

Hand over the cuckold and nobody gets hurt

I see girls,
here there and everywhere
short skirts long hair
love it when they walk yeah
I'm on cloud 9
you look so fine
can't wait to make you mine
I kinda like the way you walk past
gotta take a glance
body shaped like an hour glass
pulling up to my bumper so hot
you work so hard like the way you work it
I look first, you look back,
attracted to the way you shake that,
yo, I know you can't fake that,
so bring it over here, so near, I can touch that,
one night just isn't enough,
I wanna have you givin' it up,
So put ya number on the back of my hand,
you got a man, but i got other plans,
so baby girl, c'mon up oh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djcfyTMWxTs

tim can't open doors
silly tim

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>>69771782

>>69771781
my mum used to tell me to do this when i'd get up in the middle of the night because i was thirsty

guess she didn't want me pissing the bed

Crawl out through the fallout baby

When they drop that bomb

>>69771825
>go to fedora this post
>realise I'm a phoneposter

Al green - let's stay together

having some rum lads

tastes like fermented sugar cane

>>69771727
Thailad, do you remember the Strayan posting his great grandfathers paintings and ship diary of being in the RN during the first war? Battle of Jutland dreadnoughts and that. I lost them. You're around long enough to remember.

>>69771856
It tastes quite nice at the beginning although I get sick of it after a glass

>>69771875
Vaguely but might be thinking of something else tb͏h

why are rap lyrics always so fedora tier?

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Just got back from the gym lads, hows everyone's morning going?

>>69771802
>pissing the bed just because you had a drink
you just wake up with a massive hard-on instead

>>69771914
F U C K

>>69771907
Moesh

Morning lads

>>69771907
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6H0i1RAdHk

>>69771898
Cute lads (hope they are of age haha)

It's just a tiny hair past midnight. I'm sitting here listening to Judge Judy, eating cold digorno pizza, browsing Reddit idly while at my fingertips, just above my keyboard, glows a video baby monitor. On it, is my (just barely) 7 month old daughter.
She was a planned child, but motherhood was never "me." The first few months of her life were a haze, but the first time she smiled at me? Magic. This little girl is my entire world. I would willingly lie down and die for her.
She's vaccinated. She will always be vaccinated and I will always stress to her how deeply important it is that she stay vaccinated, to protect those that cannot be.
I will also take my daughter in my arms, when she (inevitably) rouses, and I will hold her to my chest and I will hug her tight.
I am so tremendously, deeply and sincerely sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you still keep in your heart. Tonight, I will keep you close to me, and even closer to my daughter. I will cry with you, tonight.

The divil went down tae Georgia hae wa' looking fer a soul tae steal

>>69771887
Maybe you're not the same biphasic original thailad.
No worries.

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is it too early to start drinking

>>69771935
whats up anon, having a bad day?

don't like pretty girls for not letting me inside their fannies iah

>>69771982
>Biphasic lad is in Cyprus
wew

Also I don't have a comprehensive memory of everything that's been posted here m8.

>>69771985
stop being a degenerate

>>69771978
Enjoying this Scottish wikipedia gimmick

>>69771990
reminded me i need to start going to the gym again
just dont have the motivation these days

>>69772003
some of them probably would if you asked

alri

>>69772003
gay

getting a bit sick of all this cuckold talk as of late

I thought it was just going to fade like a normal meme but now it seems like its just going to attach itself to permanent 4chan culture

>>69772018
just get on it lad, don't think about it just do it

>>69771842
>not having a fedora folder on your phone too
screeching

>>69772029
makes me think

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>>69772003

>>69772004
No one alive remembers your vocaroo
Lichen liken

http://www.strawpoll.me/12081422

>replying to th****d in the current year
stop giving that attention seeking sod what he wants, attention

>>69772072
Probably better that way tb͏h

in accordance with my recent poll in which i asked you to decide whether or not i should get drunk, i am now tipsy, and am working towards increasing my level of intoxication as we speak

>>69772105
post knees

>>69772041
it spilled over to all other boards when moot nuked /pol/ and keeping it filtered to kek only made it worse

it's been going for years now it's solidly a part of 4chan culture especially when half the threads on the porn boards are interracial shit

>>69772032
foy xx

>>69772048
might just do that first thing when i wake up

>>69772041
t. cuck

>>69772088
That would be a difficult decision without the Netherlands being there. Top lads.

>>69772127
I still say rebbit.

>>69772152
r.eddit is still filtered on my IP range

The only people complaining about the NHS are people living in cities like London and Birmingham where they have 300,000 immigrants clogging the system

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>>69772113

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>>69772088
UK, Ireland, Norway, Denmark, Iceland, and the Netherlands

>>69772171
Immigrants are a menace all over the western world

>>69772176
those shorts look uncomfortable

>>69772176
>denim shorts
>the absolute state of auscuck """fashion"""

>>69772176
>that sparse thin leg hair

low test

>>69772142
thats what i've been doing, first thing i do when i get up is go to the gym

>Denim shorts

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

First time buying clothes for yourself without mummy? HAHAHHAHAH

if you did an enema before you killed yourself would that stop your corpse from shitting everywhere

>>69772186
>>69772190
they aren't shorts, i very obviously rolled up my jeans

consider getting an eye test

>>69772171
>b-but without all the immigrants the NHS wouldn't run

>>69772198
it's better to go once you've been up for a few hours and your CNS is fully going but it's good that you're going x

>>69772212
even more cringeworthy

you probably browse /fa/ you cringey twat

>>69772229
didn't know that, how much of a difference does it make?

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>>69772236
>jeans are effay

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>>69772010
no

>>69772212
how baggy are they to be able to roll them over your knees

>>69772236
ah yes, basic denim jeans, a staple of casual wear for over 100 years, are /fa/ somehow

doing a depression x

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>suicide doesn't end pain it just passes it on

At the bus stop lads
Bus is late again haha

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TICK TOCK BREXITARDS

>>69772273
it's not that difficult

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>>69772312
>Prime Minister at the Tory Party Conference that she would trigger Article 50 no later than the end of March 2017.

>tfw Australia has no major centrist parties
aaaaaa

/aussiebf2017/ is proceeding rather well i must say

>>69772295
Psytrance tho
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePUmug8HtIU

>>69772340
describe your ham wallet

Just realised I get anxiety attacks every time I go outside for a walk anywhere

>>69772333
>implying it won't be a soft """brexit"""

>>69772337
at least both our major parties and racist and against immigration

britain be jelly

>>69772377
>racist
hmmmmmmm.......

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>>69772337
Feels very biphasic

i blame globalists for my virginity

>>69772252
it makes a noticeable difference if you're lifting heavy (90% or more of your 5rm) or aiming for maximum performance on say the 10 dash or a 5k run

if you're lifting at a moderate weight (>80% 5rm) or just doing isolation movements then it doesn't make that big a difference but it still affects you

>>69772346
wish theyd be a second hitler but instead jews, normies

>>69772387
kev may have apologised to the abos but he didn't lift a finger to try and close down our offshore concentration camps

>>69772431
post fucking machines

Just went to the cafe and they asked me if I liked my breggsit hard-boiled or soft-boiled

>>69772252
>>69772418
*100m dash
*<80% 5rm

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>>69772397
Get some Super Male Vitality in you to ward off the globalists attempt to suppress you la

I'm gonna FC that manic preachers song today if it costs me all my plays #neetlyf

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>offshore detention camps are racist
Greens voters and/or Melbournians need to leave this thread

>>69772444
Red, white and blue, please

Alex Jones would heem any cunt here

>>69772418
>>69772448
ty for the info

>>69772475
Hi, my name's Kevin, I'm from Queensland, I'm here to help!

>>69772493
always happy to help out where i can x

>>69772479
Nige would destroy Alex.
Alex knows a superior predator.

>>69772475
i wish we had offshore detention camps for all the pakis

>>69772550
making me feel like pure shit just want him back ;_;

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>>69772569
Alex and Nige are mates

>>69772596
Good lids

https://www.reddit.com/user/Lawstuff1125

me

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>>69771697
excellent edition

Oswald Mosley was such a wasted talent

Imagine if he hadn't gone off and done the whole British Union of Memeists thing and instead stuck with the Tories

Probably would've been PM one day

think I might be retarded

>>69772671
same

>>69772664
He was more of a Labour person

What did Trump do now?

>>69772671
Ha ha

>>69772671
i think i may also be retarded

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the gf

>>69772779
she's a catch!

>>69772671
>>69772680
>>69772756
>>69772773
hmm

>>69772779
>tfw no cod gf

Drugs make me retarded

>>69772738
/pol/ memed the CIA into putting a piss fetishist's fanfic involving Trump and Obama and Putin into one of their intelligence reports

>>69772779
how'd you reel her in lad?

>>69772779
she's a catch!

>>69772779
bit of a trout

>>69772803
Which ones

>>69772779
hmm, seems fishy

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*takes a picture of you*

>>69772837
A trout face on a cod body.
Ah yes, ocean appropriation once again.

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>>69772859

>have 6 years to get to know a 10/10
>never say a word to her instead
hmMmmMmMm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GxDKWNvpog

>>69772919
Pic

ded thred

sleep now?

been feeling a lot better overall since I stopped browsing /pol/ and stopped using Facebook

would delete it entirely but I need it for tinder x

>>69772967
no

>the man that turned britain into a welfare state is the best PM

'no'

ah yes, the so-called "thailad"

>>69772944
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fSnDUhpZIA

Jam on toast is a redpilled breakfast

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>>69773143

coffee and cigarettes is the thinking man's breakfast

just bit open a fish oil capsule
tastes nasty

>>69772475
>an ALP voter tries to distinguish himself from the greens

howling. Fuck off you commie runt.

>>69773170
blueberry jam?

>>69773211
Never tried it unfortunately

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>>69773198
THAIIIIIIIIIIILAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

>>69769223
>she's still here
reeee fuck off

>>69773204
Cod liver or Krill oil ones?
They're treated now so no odour or taste.

>>69773243
is she hot

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>>69773237

>>69773251
Asda's own
they apparently expired in 2011

Thainonce? More like Thaiponce

>>69773254
no feral

>>69773268
He is a bit of a ponce ain't he

Did the 'chon just go temporarily offline for anyone else

>>69773305
Just for your post lad

business idea: eat some bread

Woke up at 2:30 and can't go back to sleep

Also have class at 8:30

>>69773255
Thailad how old are you?

>>69773325
27

>>69773333
>3*(3+3+3) = 27

woah

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>>69773333
I'm 28

>>69773349
that's 15

>>69773349
wew lad
>>69773353
alri sound

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remembering that time thailad streamed /brit/ on youtube

>>69773361
B O D M A S

business idea: FUCK YOU

>>69773389
please, im so lonely

>>69773377
why dont you pull his pants down and suck him off while you're at it

>>69773361
It's impossible to get 15 out of that operation

If you distribute the 3 first you're left with 9+9+9
If you add inside the parentheses first you're left with 3*9

>>69773371
How long ago was the biphasic thing?
Several eras of Brit ago.

business idea: aedi ssenisub

Anyone else have trouble staying asleep, nevermind falling asleep?

>>69773333
getting some good digits tonight

>>69773433
no i sleep like a log

>>69773424
Three years?
Fucking hell might be more

>>69773433
Yeah but I have a medical condition
I'm hoping i'll be better once it's treated

>>69773424
couldn't tell you tb͏h

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>rubs her feet on your carpet and short circuits your PC

what do you do?

>>69773452
what is it

>>69773452
i have phimosis, wbu?

>>69773467
OMG i have phimosis too!

>>69773464
phimosis

I swear to god phimosis lad if you live in sydney I'm going to heem you

>>69773454
Oh yeah, there's several Thailads.
That annoyed me back in the day.
In hindsight, perfectly understandable.

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>>69773467
I have it, really need to sort it out tbqh

>>69773452
What medical condition

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>>69773456
Fix it.

>>69773445

no wonder he wants to kill himself if he has phimosis

wonder if turtlemong has phimosis

>>69773493
phimosis

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>>69773499

How does phimosis affect sleep?

>>69773491
same but i simply can't be arsed going to a doctor

>>69773484
the 'bane

the turtleneck represents the strangling foreskin his bellend/head is trying to escape from desu

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>>69773456
FOY

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>>69773499

Need to find a new family doctor

Mine retired

>>69773543
Lmao

Has turtleneck lad prepped for his mass shooting yet?

>>69773464
>>69773493
tumour

>>69773532
you don't even need to go to the doctor for it, all the cream and shit you can buy online. Only go to the doctor in extreme cases where you prob need a circumcision

>>69773549
stay away from jews and indians

>>69773501
im also short and unattractive iah

>>69773549
I remember when they used to be called family practice doctors now they're called internal medicine

>>69773573
He was a jew

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>>69771975
Why the fuck did she write the shit about pizza if she just wanted to say "sorry for your loss"? Will she actually cry for someone she's never met? Is this how women work?

>>69773573
Jews make the best doctors, accountants, and lawyers

>>69773543
I don't have phimosis in fact I have a very nice willy

>>69773572
oh really i'll look it up then, mine isnt that bad

if that australian is the one who posted his tiny phimotic cock on the other board then he needs it sorted pronto

>>69773606
this, jews are just great at everything

>>69773636
What about sports

Good morning!

>>69773608
you wear the phimosis of clothing lad

>>69773649
bill goldberg

>>69773628
it isn't tiny it's average

>>69773674
Kek

Need the ol life ended I reckon

>>69773628
mines not too bad either, my foreskin is just a tad bit too tight.

this is the worst phimosis ive ever seen though, took the guy a year+ to sort it out:

https://phimosisjourney.wordpress.com/pictures/

Should I buy cide' or beer tmmrw

NEED a willy up my bum lads

>>69773636
It's their higher IQs and they're generally more motivated to be highly successful in their chosen field

>>69773649
Sandy Koufax greatest pitcher of all time

>>69773716
morning

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>>69773716

>>69773717
Jews are notorious for nepotism.

>>69773676
we all saw it lad

>>69773689
I got really really drunk not long ago and ripped the skin back while soft
behind it I discovered skin that had never seperated from the glans,
it was factory fresh

anyway, whilst I was heavily anesthetised I have the ring a good old stretch
I regretted that immensely the following morning

>>69773741
in its flaccid state while i was applying downward pressure :\

haha talking to my self again, what am i like

shant be waiting until my ladyboy GF comes home, anyone want to have some fun?

Maybe you should just cut your foreskin off lads

>>69773772
kik?

>>69773772
>anyone want to have some fun?

Depends, are you Thailad or Algerian Thailad?

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>>69773775

have a very slight short frenulum
nothing compared to you lads though

>>69773740
That doesn't negate the fact that they have the highest IQs

It's how they got in positions of power to begin with

For me nepotism will only land me a job brewing beer or working an oil field
Still haven't decided which obvs the oil will pay much better but the brewery will be comfy af

>>69773790
It's a third proxy lad

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>>69773772

>>69773689
jesus you're right i've never seen it that bad, i can still pull mine back a bit when im hard but it strangles the head and i can't get it down all the way, that's ridiculous though, it must balloon up every time he pisses

>>69773822
>must balloon up every time he pisses
had that when i was a little lad. had to have the ol' snip

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>one chance at life
>born with a tiny, phimotic cock with a weird growth on the end for good measure

>>69773811
East Asians have higher IQs. Jews are known for their craftyness and deception lad, not for being smarter than everybody else. It helps when your religion justifies conning subhuman goys.

how many people actually have phimosis?

>>69773849
chinks only appear to have higher IQs because they cheat a lot in their tests and their parents beat them to be clever

>>69773837
>also wears turtlenecks

>>69773837
They have willy enlarging surgery lad

They could also do away with your phimosis with the ol' Goldstein snip and get rid of that growth all at the same time

>>69773850
Fairly sure 90% of them on 4chan are actually circumcised

>>69773850
phimosis is like depression, it isn't real even though everyone claims to have it

>>69773837
>a weird growth on the end
u wot?

>>69773837
are you the guy that posted your hideous penis in r9k and then linked that post on here?

>>69773858
Jews only appear smarter because they trick and decieve.

>phimosis
try eating better and hitting the gym you toffs

do you have to pay for the ol' snip, or can you get it done for free on the NHS?

>>69773849
Ashkenazi Jews have the highest

East Asians have the highest when you're looking at overall races in which case Ashkenazi Jews get lumped in with whites

>>69773834
want to avoid that at all costs

>>69773837
ah yes the lad with the bulbous nob, i knew it was you

>>69773903
nhs lad

>>69773898
jews aren't smarter since a lot of them are quite inbred

>>69773903
if they deem it necessary it's free

>>69773894
*tips*

>>69773881
just search the r9k archive for a filename called prince wils and you should be able to see it

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>>69773894

>>69773867
i thought only yanks were circumcised en mass
>>69773874
had a mate from secondary that said he had it, didnt know it existed until then

he said he fixed it himself with stretching

>east asians are smart

can we please stop this meme?

all they can do is maths, they literally suck at everything else

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>>69773894

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have a sudden hankering for some ice cream

haven't had ice cream in years

just ordered a wagyu beef brisket kebab

Deliberating a poo

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>>69773922
I regret looking at that

the fuck is wrong with his dick

Give me something interesting to listen to lads

>>69773894
>get compliment
>reply with condescending rant

Bet she's a demon in t'sack

>>69773911
>>69773918
scared of showing my willy to my GP, i'll prob end up getting a hard on

>>69773954
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pBgMBBsv4k

An Indian will try to scam you for a dollar
A Chinamen will try to scam you for 10 dollars
A Jew will try to scam both by giving them loans and charging them interest

>>69773933
Maths
Economics
Physics
Chemistry

Basically good at the only things that matter

You won't find Chinese exchange students in a gender studies course

>>69773954
https://youtu.be/mZckFu2txV0

>>69773949
phimosis

>>69773966
I think I'm getting old because I'm starting to not give a fuck about that kind of stuff any more

>>69773966
really want this to happen with an attractive female doctor iah
alas my willy is fine so I have no reason to engineer the scenario

>>69773954
this a good song friend

https://soundcloud.com/reibrown/wouldnt-it-be-great

File: 1466629598478.jpg (28KB, 600x419px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 600x419px

>>69773954
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kowfLIRpQaU

>>69773986
Thanggs amerigga

got a nice willy 2bh

>>69773979
yeah no

they're only good at pure maths

as soon as you add a context into the matter their little brains get confused and start to overheat and will start to say "IS IT?" to everything

>>69773992
mate, thats a new level of phimosis

>>69774019
same hehe :)

>>69774002
me too mate, i've lost all my insecurites and shame, i just don't care as much

Does your willy bend ?
I swear mine takes a 20° angle to the left

>>69774002
i'm 21 and kinda don't give too much of a shit about it, but I should probably get it sorted out

>>69774077
Yes same, think it's too much wanking desu

>>69774077
very slight downwards bend

very drunk lads

whos this referring to

https://twitter.com/brianklaas/status/818427299158720512

File: .jpg (96KB, 400x300px) Image search: [Google]

96KB, 400x300px

>>69774077
my dick looks like this guys nose

>>69774133
literally me

>>69774077
yeah upwards a bit and STRONGLY to the right

t. phimosis lad

Hi, lads

Post, memes

>>69774143
it really is an ugly one

used to have phimosis lads but a tight ladyboy bumhole soon fixed that haha xx

>>69774177
>>69774177
>>69774177
New

http://desu-usergeneratedcontent.xyz/r9k/image/1482/59/1482595477157.jpg

mate have you seen a doctor about this?

>>69774155
new
>>69774195
>>69774195
>>69774195