Random feels thread. Get it off your chest. Whatever bugs you.

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>>40247040
All I've ever wanted is to have a career like a normie and be useful to society. I have Asperger's but I overcame it through extreme hard work and dedication to the point where the only thing that's still a little "off" about me is my communication style. Believe me when I say I can't get any better than I am in my social interactions. I practiced in front of a mirror and with other people for an hour PER DAY for years.

I went to college like a normalfag and graduated with my STEM degree magna cum laude and all that shit and hit the workforce ready to make a difference.

FUCKING SHIT HAS SUCKED EVER SINCE. Office jobs are unbearable. Clique shit where 90% of the people do 10% of the work and get 100% of the credit while the "off" people have to do 100% of the work and get shit on eternally.

Jump from shitty scientist job to shitty scientist job. A few years in each as most early careers go. Eventually I find one where I get to do exactly what I want to do!! I work in formulation and R&D and I cut our waste bigly and make serious profit gainz for Mr. Shlomoshekelbergstein. Life is great and I'm really making a difference!

Then this fucking lying faggot con artist manager lies to upper management and says HE was responsible for everything and that I did NOTHING. He has a silver tongue and keep in mind that I'm a burger so I have to work hard to win people over. I've barely had a hello with the board before while this guy sucks their dicks on the regular. Upper management says "wow anon you're a piece of shit" and they fire me and they gave that lying faggot a director position for all his "hard work". After I literally saved them millions of dollars per year with my batch improvements and always went out of my way to treat people respectfully and with courtesy.

I can't recover from it. It's just too much. I'm living off savings right now and I'm probably going to off myself when I run out. Life is fucking garbage. I'd rather be a starving kid in Africa.

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>>40247165
Just fuckin party bro. Fuck STEM. Done that. Get a job at a restraunt or bar for awhile and just do mindless work for a bit and relax. Talk however the fuck you want. Do some drugs, lose some weight get arrested for public nudity.

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I wish I had a woman to be with who genuinely likes me for who I am. I had the smallest taste of it a week ago and I need more.

It's not all bad though. My classes are easy as fuck, so with any luck I should get to chase my dreams and all of that. Also, despite being a poorfag, bodyweight seems promising

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im fucking 5"6 turbo manlet going into uni studying something i dont want to, instead i want to become an actor but holy fuck who wants a manlet from down under to be in their movies, killing myself would make the gene pool that little bit better, i just want the luck of chad so i can achieve my dreams.

>fuck being a manlet

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I got a cute girl's number at work the other day and i was so excited that i was able to actually muster up the courage to ask her for it, and that she actually gave it to me, that i kind of rushed home without thinking. This is/was the first time i'd ever taken the initiative and asked a girl for her number, instead of just waiting for a girl to show interest in me.

When i got home and went to put her number in my phone, i realized that there were a couple digits that i wasnt sure of, so the next day i went ahead and just texted a couple different numbers that i thought it could be. Got one reply that wasn't the right one, but im still waiting on hearing back from the other couple. I doubt she would give me a fake since we work together, so now im stuck wondering if i just completely misread what she wrote.

I'm thinking ill just ask her the next time i see her, though

in the meantime, pic related

Dont know if im true natty anymore because I used LSD to eat clean and love gym. Hold me brahs.

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>>40248006
next time you see her just say that you were an idiot and didn't write the number down properly. If you play it off humorously it could actually work in your favor/endear you to her. Don't be a sperg and just act like it's a male friend you wanted to grab a beer with but his handwriting was shit, you'd just laugh and ask him for it next time you saw him. Good luck anon, and remember, just don't be a sperg.

>>40248081
the thing is though, she wrote the number down on a piece of paper and gave it to me

i think ill just say something along the lines of "hey, did you get any messages from me this week? i wasn't sure if i read the number right"

im trying not to be sperg-y but this is 100% brand new territory for me

>>40248006
That actually happened to me once. Gave a girl my number wrong. It's not a big deal.

>>40248088
Your problem is that you're acting like her giving you her number is this big deal, it's not, it's what you do with the number that's the big deal. My advice would be to play it off casually and say something like "Hey, I'm a real idiot so I couldn't quite figure out what your number was, would you mind giving it to me again, maybe we can hang out and you can teach me how to read sometime?"

>>40248057
No one cares if you're not natty famalam. It's not like the natty police is gonna come at you.

>>40248102
(it's a big deal to me) but i get what you're saying, i'm sure it's probably nothing but me overthinking things. I'm sure it's just due to me still getting over not having much self-esteem for the past couple of years

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>start lifting because I hit the weight limit I set for myself
>"whoa now that I think about it I'll totally be able to get girls once I'm in shape"
>only a year left of college
>tfw I'll remain DYEL until it's too late to even reap the benefits

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I'm a fucking dyeleton NEET with no money and I OHP 20kg for 3x10 and the nearest gym is an hour away please kill me
as a side note I'm going to buy a rack from the tip for 40 dollarydoos, is stronglifts 5x5 any good for easy starter gains or is it a meme

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I honestly just want to kill myself. I get up every single day and the only thing I look forward to is to sleep so Thanathos can show me mercy. The girl I was crushing has a boyfriend, it doesn't bother me anymore but I would love to feel anything more than rage and existential despair. I don't like the classes I'm seeing at med school and I'm growing more and more detached of people (which is good but it's not a good sign). I feel every single day I'm getting more stupid, which is the only thing I ever asked from God: knowledge.
At least the cut is somewhat progressing.

>>40248158
SL is good but work in iso and high rep

the biggest meme on this board is the assumption that you can only build strength OR size, not both. thats total nonsense. focus on strength but also do shit for size, too, if that makes sense. don't be afraid to look into bodyweight as well, i like doing it after or before workouts to warm up or lower intensity on rest days

>>40248328
I don't really know what you mean by size vs strength, but what isolations would you recommend? I've just been doing curls

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>went for the kiss on date
>'no this is only our 2nd time meeting'
Probably gonna go out again with her but someone please tell me I didn't fuck up too badly

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>>40248448
tell her to put out next time you meet or you'll really give her something to complain about

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>>40248448
shows you like her, if it counts as a bad fuckup you didn't have a chance in the first place probably. Good luck senpai

>gf is breaking up with me
>shes been really distant and already told me she loves me but shes not in love with me anymore
>says shes trying to get the feeling back
>know its not gonna happen
>already have everything moved out of eachothers houses
>valentines day is coming up
>we have presents for eachother
>waiting for that day so we can give eachother gifts
>i will tell her its officially over after that cause i know the feelings not coming back
>really thought i was going to marry her
>how do you just fall out of love with someone youve been with for 2.5 years?

Why are people around so pathetic and lacking self respect?
On top of everything they lie. They lie about everything. They try to pull others down to their level instead of empowering them with good example.
I grown up in bad family(not terrible like child abuse and shit) but there was alcohollic father, mother working abroad for years to get us out of debts.
My brother worked since 16yo abroad and he spent all the money he got in 10 years on drugs and crashing shitty cars he managed to buy.

My sister got married with decent guy, got fat, now due to my own change that i started year ago she started losing weight, but shes extremely weak minded, cheats with food all the time.

Meanwhile im going to gym everytime, maybe ill make small difference in world by example. At least my sisters husband started working out with me lately, he lost a lot of weight and is gaining strength now.

I just want to cut loose from society

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185cm/6 feet tall, 25yo. Lost a ton of weight and been lifting for a while. Suddenly girls are checking me out everywhere I go, fondling their hair like retards when seeing me and overall acting nervous around me. Got an enormous boost of confidence. I'm fucking making it!

Downloaded Snapchat and started chatting/snapping with girls in my city that are 16-25yo (16 is legal here). The conversations died after a few sentences, especially if I snapped my face. Last night I snapped my face to 4 or 5 girls and when I checked my phone at 1PM, all of them were opened but no reply from anyone. Nothing.

Deleted the app and my account.

Now I'm back to my pre-cut negative confidence levels. I went to the store to get *SIPS* this morning and while I was standing at the bus stop, a cute girl came there and when she saw me, she instantly looked down and started quickly fixing her hair with one hand. My thoughts? "She was scared and thought I might rape her."

It hurts so fucking bad that there are tons of guys that are pulling teenage girls from those apps and getting nudes from them but I can't even get a friendly answer from anyone - "Why do you want to know that? Why are you snapping me even though I advertise my SC on my Instagram page? [insert one word that is designed to convey the utter chore of chatting to a sub8]" Lowering my standards won't help either - I tested waters with a morbidly obese "girl" whose photos would get me banned for gore and I got the same response (read: "I don't want to say 'go fuck yourself' but could you please just go fuck yourself?")

Oh well, MGTOW was basically invented for ugly losers like me. There's a new Batman game and Red Dead Redemption 2 coming out this year so I'm golden.

>"just go Tinder, brah!"

Yeah, fuck you. That hit to my confidence would be so devastating that I would very likely commit sudoku and I don't really want to die, yet. I've been without sex for a few years already, I can go 60 more.

>>40248683
Women are checking you out in real life. Just hook up with them without using apps. It's ironic, but we autismos have better luck offline than online.

>>40248354
you can get stronger, much stronger, without looking all that big, aka having large muscles. so bodybuilder (big) versus powerlifter (strong). early programs like SS, SL and others emphasise compounds (more than one muscle), max weight and lower reps, which will build strength over size. the opposite is true for later programs - sub-max weight, higher reps, more iso. the dumb thing is that no one really tells you when you start that you don't need to get super strong before you start getting bigger, you can do it at the same time.

iso wise, just look around the CBTs and threads here or look up some fitness jewtuber.

>>40248683
She didnt look down because she was scared. She was legit into you retard. Except she was shy. Depends if she smiled / blushed there or just looked straight upset.

You are going to make it anon

T. 24yo kissless virgin with ugly face

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>>40248699
>Women are checking you out in real life

No, they aren't. I've just read too many PUA/TRP/bro guides on "how to know if a girl is interested?" and thought they were checking me out. They act nervous because I look scary and/or ugly, that's it. Should have known, really.

>>40248738
Nah, mate. It's downright impossible to go from "wow, that guy is so fucking hot/cute/sexy, I wish he talked to me" IRL to "ewww, don't talk to me or my bad boy lover's dog ever again, here's a snap of me kissing another dude in my bed, you disgusting loser" online. It just doesn't make any sense. The most logical conclusion is that I misinterpreted the signs to be of attraction when they really weren't.

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>on a cut
>ate 3 slices of Costco pizza and drank a ton of Tennessee honey jack with my oneitis last night
>we've had sex in the past
>had a healthy dialogue about our relationship and where we are in our lives separately
>both agreed to take some time apart from hanging out so much
>gonna spend the time improving myself
why do I lift? For myself, obviously. But I think she has a lot to do with it...
Just had to say all this to somebody.

>>40248770
Look man. You are being overly influenced by the internet. You read PUA stuff first, thought women were interested in you, but recently mentioned MGTOW, and are now convinced no woman could ever be into you.

But you have had sex before. And now you look better. Not everyone will be into you, you will not be into everyone. And that's OK. But don't set yourself up for failure with a negative mentality.

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Start university in seventeen days. Engineering. Don’t think I’ll make it. Mathematics was never my strong suit. Going to have to study four hours a night and still be behind.

>>40248819
I know that feel, it sucks being slow sometimes

>>40248819
Where are you starting bro? Congrats.
My little brother who moved in with me was the same. Never had great grades, but is pulling 80's so far after his first semester. It isn't even about doing that. Honestly, he just found people who were shy and quiet like him in class who didn't want to fail, and studies with them a few hours per week. Find people who also don't want to fail, make some random friends, and succeed.

I'll keep it short how it went with me, but I basically never had an above 70% in high school. Fast forward 8 years, and I did a double honours in history and philosophy, now in teachers college. Found out when I went to my grade I made the Dean's.

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>tfw beginner at lifting
>tfw the girls and fags at the gym can lift more than me
>tfw i feel like im making no progress at all
>tfw not so sure im gonna make it

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>>40248853
We're all gonna make it brah

>>40247040
I can pull lots of girls, I'm handsome, smart, funny (reasonably in all three). I have gotten with every girl I've ever gone for, but im just an anxious mess, I need to be going out with a girl for like 1 month and have sex 5+ times before I can even cum. I've done a lot of CogBehavT myself and I no longer get anxious about social situations but sex is still a big deal for me.

Also my squat is like 1/2 my diddly

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>>40248853
dont worry freindo i was in the same position not too long ago, all gotta start somewhere

>>40247165

>I'd rather be a starving kid in africa

you fuckin tard

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>>40248793
Yes, I've had sex before. But that was years ago when I was younger AKA not a balding, acne scarred stone face AKA infinitely better looking.

Yeah, I'm convinced that no woman could ever be into me. There are guys they want and there are guys they don't - I'm in that second box. And if lifting, low body fat, maximizing my style an being more sociable with people doesn't move me into the first box, then what fucking will? This Snapchat experiment showed me that nothing has really changed from my teenage years. Mostly I just get blanked by everyone but few girls go the extra mile to be more cruel with the "look at me and this guy kissing, we are going to fuck now and you aren't getting any, LOL kys" stuff.

Girls, intimacy, love, affection - that just wasn't meant for me and that's ok. There's plenty more to life and now that I know where I stand, I can stop stressing about it and cut off those aspirations. Not gonna go Supreme Gentleman either because a) I'm not delusional about my value and b) I've already had sex a few times.

>>40247621
mate tom cruise is 5 foot 6

all actors are short, apparently its something to do with a larger pool of actors to choose from, and keeping them in proportion with all the other actors

you may not slay puss like a 6 foot 2 guy but you can DEFINITELY act

>>40248845
Cheers, mate. I’ll look out for study groups to work with. Wasted high school; I’m not going to let myself waste uni. Wish me luck.

>>40248448
What a prude
Kiss on first date is pretty normal. Second is almost a given

>>be strongest I've ever been
>>do jumps, highbar squat, some Oly for explosiveness
>>play coed indoor soccer yesterday (first time in 4 yrs)
>>mediocre to poor performance
>>so much muscle built, athletic looking, and completely shit the bed when it came time to perform
>> was literally more athletic when I was 6'2 160lbs lanklet

And to top it off I aggravated patellar tendinitis, meaning at the very least I'll miss my squat workout tomorrow

Time to neck myself haha 8)

Does being fit compensates for being shit at social situations and having no personality?

>>40248935
No

I have spinal muscle atrophy.

I am forced into an electrical wheelchair.

I have nothing, inside of me or outside.

>>40248448
If you meet next time, it's ok, don't worry mate.

>>40247165
I can definitely relate to this (to a lesser extent).

I just need somebody kind to rely on when shit gets tough, being a man sucks sometimes

>>40248988
Good luck finding a woman who will stay with you after your show weakness.
You need a friend.

>>40248770
Don't read PUA, that shit is literal garbage, like telemarketers and those idiots who sell Jesus like a candy bar on Tv.

Also it is possible to go from aww cute to fucking disgusting. You just have to be hateful and hurt them mentally, that's all it takes (I've done it).

Post face if you think you are like an ugly monster, which I do not think to be honest.

You fail to see that women do not use logic in their interactions, trying to logically read them is equivalent to being stung by a bee and asking for more bees. Most women do not even care if you have some physical defects (I have a few pretty big ones, but still score).

>>40248988
get a bro bro

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Among other things I'm fucking done being social, guys. Every time I go out with other people the only things I can think of are going home or getting a drink to deal with the interaction.

When I was in uni I did have some people who were into the same shit as me and we could talk shit for hours. Unfortunately I failed that, moved back to my home town and the only people I socialize with now are my moronic coworkers from my on-off season job shit or old friends with whom I apparently have nothing in common any more. I mean I like them, hell, they even tried to hook me up with someone and they seem to care enough to subtly try to get my out of my mess, but why should I even let them bother.

I'm just tempted to go cocoon mode, focusing only on lifting and my work in order to save up money and perhaps invest.

Essentially I'm 26 and feel like nothing seems to have worked out by now, while also beginning to realize it might be too late to sort out my life, which probably is a delusion brought forth from my twisted mindset.

>none of the things I used to love bring me joy any more
>get into a pretty exclusive uni in my country studying what I thought I loved
>start drinking a lot and drop out
>traveled and was as social as an autist like me can be for a few years
>lost touch with every friend I met from back then
>get a decent paying job out of nowhere
>coworkers apparently keep complaining about me to the boss, seemingly because i managed to get an easier and better paying position in a shorter time

And now I've become a bloody cliche rambling on a roman pottery plaza about my insignificant issues, while there are tons of other people with real problems.

>>40248819

retards with good work ethic make it further than the smart kids who can half ass it

t. STEM smart kid who has been half assing things

>>40249019
y-you mean like the bros on the 'ch0n?

Friday night, alone. You know the drill. New semester will be starting, seems like I will be leaving humanity behind... or perhaps the humanity will leave behind me. Being active (gym or cardio) everyday help at least a little bit. I tried to catch up with few people I used to know from previous semesters. They are either busy or dont respond at all. Today I met my past crush with her boyfriend. After all the unsuccessful attempts with girls I have nothing more than apathy now. Couple of times I got rejected (not too bad) or played and manipulated (much worse). I still have about 7 kg to cut and about 7-8% BF to lose. Maybe things will get better, maybe not. I will probably be at least quite busy this semester, so not too much time for self pity, but if in long term horizon nothing improves, I might just hang myself...

>>40248996
yeah but the thing is i feel like such a crybaby sometimes, and women are kinda crybabies

>>40249080
Thats exactly why they need a strong and stable man in their lives. Or at least one thats good at faking it

Dont believe me or think im just a frustrated virgin? Try it for yourself. Next time you get a gf, start talking to her about your feelings and depression and see how long that relashionship will last.

>>40249047
its never too late to pull your shit together
you just need something to look up to
a better apartment, a better car, a better lifestyle
thats what most normies look up to, single or not
you need to travel, pick a place you like and go have fun, remember that nobody knows you in those place and you could do whatever the fuck you want.

>>40249100
thanks for the advice, the best tips always come from unexpected places
have a good weekend broski

>>40249009
>Also it is possible to go from aww cute to fucking disgusting. You just have to be hateful and hurt them mentally

You didn't understand. The girls react to me chatting and snapping with them by ignoring me, by being irritated and/or by hurting me the best they can. Especially if they see how I look. It's literally impossible that I'm a 1/10 online but I could be even 4/10 in real life. So, it's one of these: either I'm good looking both online and offline OR I'm ugly both online and offline - which is more logical knowing what we know?

Just signed up at an expensive gym, and paid for a personal trainer to show me how to do the basic lifts. But then when I went there the first few times on my own the power racks and benches for bench press are already being used. Even after waiting a while, using machines instead and reading the news, they are still busy. So I couldn't do what I went there to do and went home. I don't have the patience to wait for half an hour every time I go just to be able to do my workout. Also, sudden extreme problems with sleep are ruining my last semester at university.

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>Pursue girl for a while
>She keeps changing her mind and playing hard to get
>Decide to really stick with it because she's a qt and I have a gut feeling we'd be good for each other
>She hints at a possible relationship
>Finally feel like 2017 could be the year of gf
>Friend informs me that she is a turbo slut cheater who ruined two dudes' lives last year
>Don't know how to feel right now

I think I fell infatuated with the idea of having a gf rather than the girl herself. Still hurts the same though.

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>>40249107
Yeah, that's what I've figured myself, but I can't seem to care for most things other people aim towards. A nice car? Never been into that. A big house? I don't like getting stuck in one place, which is coincidentally what has happened to me now.
At least not without sufficient financial freedom to come and go whenever I like. This is kind of why I've been looking into investments for a while, but even that seems too much of a stretch. If it does work out, it'll probably be decades from now when I'm in my 40s or 50s and the period of my life, where other people have fun and live, is already over.

As for the lifestyle change, I do like travelling and the years I spent abroad while in my early 20s were probably the best years of my life, but thinking of doing it again just seems unreasonable now. Eventually I'll have to come back or settle down somewhere anyway and I'd still be back in the same situation I'm in now, if not worse.

I am somewhat considering going back to uni, but then I'll have to start living off my savings, which probably wouldn't get me through it all anyway. If that doesn't work out again I'll be back to where I am now, only broke.

>tfw no worthy goal

Alright I'll try this out. I kinda think I know where this will lead (I'll complain about my habit of overeating and then get the "fuck this, I'm going to the gym" sensation and go to the gym).
So.. again you've gorged on food even though you know it causes you acne, which in turn makes your confidence plummet and causes you to feel physically shit overall, yet you did it. You know you can stop yourself while you do it but you don't listen. Just keep on eating and eating.. fuck dude, why. You've been doing so good... oh well, can't do much about it now other than trying to diminish the negative symptoms a bit by working out. Goddamn it...
BUT, despite this have you been doing better in life and it makes me glad (switching now to first-person apparently). You'v become more social, honest, focused, have a better diet (despite these occasional spouts of overeating), better sleep schedule, working harder, getting better reputation, girls starting to mire, facial features improving (yes, you'll probably get some acne from this binge but overall you've gotten more handsome and you'll get through the acne-sprout to come, don't worry and don't get too depressed about it).
I believe in you man. I honestly do. Or at least I believe in you more than before. FUUCK I'm getting the acne face-tingles right now. It begins...
But you'll get through it, you have fucking improved a lot and I believe you'll make it back in full. Just gotta make a greater effort not to fall so easily into binge eating. You know you do it mainly when you feel stressed out and even though you are more physically active and can eat more than before without getting acne you still have to be careful. Don't pig out, resist that urge. You've gotten better at it but when you let temptation take you into food zombie-mode you gotta TAKE FUCKING CONTROL BACK.
Are you hyped up enough now to get your ass to the gym? No, well fuck you then. Go to the gym.
Aight.

>hit it off with an anon and started chatting on Kik
>have a lot in common but live far away
>been taking all day for weeks about all sorts of shit
>brightens my day
>played some vidya online and chatted
>haven't exchanged pics yet
>terrified of doing so because this connection feels so good but we may not be each other's types

I've got a crush on an anon. How did this happen.

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>>40247165

reading this made me very very angry as someone studying in STEM

>>40248879
I mean if that works for you, then go for it, but don't let the internet get you down.

>>40248532

If you though you were gonna marry her, just ask the question famalam. Bitches love that.

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>>40249310
>don't let the internet get you down

How am I supposed not to? I can understand that IRL 7/10 guy might be a 5/10 on Tinder but I'm supposedly getting mired everywhere I go even though I'm 1/10 on social media? Doesn't add up. There's something wrong with the way I look and that's making girls nervous when they are near me. They keep glancing at me to make sure I stay where I am, that I haven't moved towards them.

To be honest, I understand them. If some ugly old woman approached me, I would be pretty rude, too. That's why I can't be bitter. It is what it is.

>>40249367
They smell your insecurities

Start fucking smiling, keep lifting and ignore the cunts, they need to come crawling to you.
If you arent worth it then they wont give a fuck.

And stop putting pussy on pedestal, there are better things to chase in life.

>>40249486
>They smell your insecurities

How do they smell my insecurities over text based chat?

>stop putting pussy on pedestal, there are better things to chase in life

I already said that I've done that and I've decided to go without women for the rest of my life (not like I really have a choice, though, LMAO)

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I've been looking around long enough and I can kinda see what the world wants.
I just kinda wish it were me.
I'll keep focusing on my lifts but it's hard since I have trouble bringing myself to eat.
On a good day I eat twice but some days it's just oatmeal or nothing at all.

>>40247165
Take that manager with you

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>>40249556
>>40247165

This.

You've got nothing to lose assuming you're gonna off yourself or be a little bitch. Have some self respect at least instead of taking it up the ass by some guy who's in a made up position that gets more green paper than you.

>I'd rather be a starving kid in Africa.

No you fucking don't you retard, you're just so caught up in 'your' world that you think this is the worst thing that's happened to anybody. You're like the college kids that want to kill themselves because they have a 2.3 GPA or some shit.

But to be fair, it is pretty fucking bad; it's fucking disgusting of your manager.

So it depends, anon. It sounds like you care about your work and pride a lot. If that's so you should go for the inevitable hard route, the confrontation. In the end make sure your decision leaves you with no regrets to carry.

Dude if a manager fucked me as hard as it sounds he fucked you I'd let everybody in the company know he's a fucking fraud. You sound like you're a talented man with a passion, that's way more important than being a well-payed shmuck.

>>40249175
Pump n dump

Diagnosed Aspergers (though I have huge doubts about that). Had first gf a year a go, she was great, she left 5 months ago. Couldn't clearly tell me why (you know how wymmyn are. I thought it was a meme but they are actually confusing as fuck.) except some vague bullshit about me not loving myself or not loving her or not being invested enough in my own life. She wanted to be fwb because sex was great (no dicklet obv) but a few weeks later she said she felt guilty and left. I couldn't deal with them feels, especially since she told me several times we could be back together without telling me what she expected me to do. I asked her once and she literally almost cried and asked me why I was doing that.
Since then I've been depressed as fuark, which sucks because I felt like I was getting my life back together thanks to her. Now I can't even bring myself to think about uni stuff when I'm doing it. I was starting to think about working my ass off doing a Phd (or going to the ENS since I'm french) because I've always been pretty bright (maths). But now I'm barely passing and I hardly ever go. I only go to parties a few times a year when people seem to want me there. I have no close friends because I feel like they can tell I'm empty and they'd gain nothing by being my friend. I feel like no one would really give a shit if I were gone except maybe my parents and younger brother whom I actually don't really care much about, which is another awful thing. I started lifting 3 weeks ago but my squat is shite and I doubt it'll ever improve because my back is shite too. I also doubt I'll ever make it because (whenever I'm not lifting) I'm in bed. I eat every meal in bed in my dimly lit 220 square feet apartment.
And even if I make it, I don't think I'd look good at all. Plus I'm 5'11" which seems tall in France but apparently is manlet everywhere else.

>>40250030
(cont)
I also lift because I'm pretty vain and try to salvage my slightly above average looks (from what I'm told). I'm actually pretty/fit/ compared to the average person despite the fact that I do nothing all day except the 3 hours I now spend lifting. I try to reassure myself with a false sense of superiority because I have passable looks, high IQ, big dick, and I can be pretty funny/charming when I really try (thanks to the metric fuckton of TV series I spend every waking moment ingurgitating). The truth is I know I'm probably never going to ever truly dedicate myself to any of those things I'd have loved to master (learning another language, lifting, music...) and I'll probably kill myself in a few years. But I can't seek help among people because I'm not close to anyone and edgy teenagers have made a meme out of suicide. Sometimes I'm happy though. Like for a week or so. Or when I start doing something new. But then I just give up and everything comes back.
TL;DR: I browse /fit/

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Feels incoming
>Be 5'7 128lb male
>Have crippling body dysmorphia and Eating Disorder
>Spin my wheels for 8 months crash dieting and binge eating
>800 calories on restricting days
>5000+ on binge days. Easily gain 2 pounds of fat from a binge.
>High cortisol makes me bloat up and look pregnant every meal.
> Out of 800 calorie cheat days, 400 calories are protein. All i have is coffee, chicken and tuna sandwhiches, and protein shakes.
>Still at like 130 pounds but with less muscle because i have been on a 8 month failed cut.
> I am trying to bulk and go past the pain but i just want to be ottermode and loved.

What do I do bros?

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>>40248988
I feel you bro.

I think people either downplay or just ignore the struggles of being a man.

No girlfriend for almost three years now. The freedom is wonderful, but the void is still there, nagging me from time to time. I wished it would just stop.

I still really love her.

>>40247165
>I'd rather be a starving kid in Africa.

>Waaaah im such a fucking white martyr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNnvX64ZGlI

this is how i feel everyday

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>Tfw wasted 7 months lifting, haven't made nearly enough progress as I should have
God dammit

>>40249511
Well, you reek of insecurity from what you've typed on here so Is it any surprise that they can pick up on it too?

>>40249367
>If some ugly old woman approached me, I would be pretty rude, too.
Then you're a piece of shit. No excuse for poor manners, m8. Sort your attitude out and maybe you'll have better luck.

I got too drunk last Friday and said some stupid shit while trying to hit on a girl that i liked. I haven't seen her since and I'm afraid I ruined my chances.

I snooped and looked at my gf's journal, and yeah I know that's an invasion of privacy and all that but I don't know brehs, call it intuition but I had to know. We've been going out for almost 2 years (3 more days and it'll be 2 years) and we've been though a lot together. I probably have some kind of mental issues, maybe a combination of anxiety and an inferiority complex, but I haven't been officially diagnosed and I haven't seen a doctor or therapist about these issues. That's probably why I lift, to escape people (anxiety) and to get bigger so I don't see myself as such a huge piece of shit (inferiority complex).
Fuck brehs, anyway, I read her journal and I read some shit from a year and a half ago where she contemplated breaking up with me, and it hurt a little. Obviously she didn't, but she considered it. I've considered it too obviously but this was a situation where I felt we both worked to find a resolution together. Also, she doesn't exactly know I have these mental issues, but she's noticed the symptoms and consideres them a negative, even though she feels guilty for doing so. Forgot to mention, we've been long distance for the past 1.25 years. She says she loves me in her journal, but she also feels like I'm not driven enough or that she's too comfortable with me and she's on the path of least resistance by staying with me.
None of this helps my anxiety, but I'm feeling a lot of feels rn. I already know kind of what I need to do (study hard in uni and get good grades) but I don't feel very motivated these days. I feel like something is deeply wrong with me.

Constant anxiety for almost a year now. The existential type that cannot be halted by anything but blatant distraction. Accompanied by OCD, so anytime I sense that I'm not totally anxiety ridden, the thoughts that stir my ever present anxiety will return. Also I'm in love.

>>40247040
Wanted to be a pilot but can't because minor hearing impairment

Wanted to join the military but couldn't for the same reason, which is kind of fucked since I'm still completley eligible to be drafted.

Spent a couple years at a community college working to get an associates so I could go to a bigger school and go into Physics, but got fucked out of the degree due to a clerical error.

Working at a dead end job where I'm paid less than literally everyone else who works there, even the temps. That's despite the fact that I'm one of the top performers for the company and essentially act as a secondary supervisor because I know the systems better than anyone else on the floor. That's not to mention that I commute forty miles one way to get there and we're all getting laid off in April anyway.

Can't reasonably afford a gym membership. I could but shit is tight as fuck as it is right now.

I don't really want to kill myself, but to be honest I kind of want to die.

I guess I can't complain too much. I have a good family and god tier genetics for pretty much everything besides depression (which thankfully doesn't even phase me anymore because I had it super bad when I was a kid and I now I just deal with it) and the fact that pretty much every single male in my family history has died from catastrophic heart failure.

So yea, other than all that I'm doing just fine.

We're all gonna make it, r-right?

>>40250205
Seek professional help please.

That's it I'm getting a fucking girlfriend.
Now I know why I have been holding myself off, that was because I didn't see anyone interesting around me and gf'ing one of them would be just to cure my loneliness and not because I was genuinely interested.
But I can't take it anymore, so what if it will be meaningless, I want a hug and a kiss even from someone with the intellect and personality of cardboard

>>40250533
>I don't really want to kill myself, but to be honest I kind of want to die.
why do I relate with this so much

I too have a minor hearing impairment, and it's probably what causes me anxiety in social situations. (I'm >>40250504 )

Can you go back to uni? I'm currently in uni but not doing too well and i have 0 extracurriculars so i'm pretty much fucked

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>be me, 20
>Go to new school since last september
>one of the few girls in my class (there are only a few because its a maths/tech field) sits next to me
>befriend her (#1, 27) and another girl (#2, 23) in class
>ff until now
>#2 has become a really good friend and someone I can talk to about almost anything
>#1 is now the best desk neighbour I've ever had, never known anyone I can work so well with
>help her with stuff at school (shes not the only one, my average is the highest in every subject in class besides physics where her average is 0.2 better than mine (scale 0-15 with 15 being best))
>start having feelings for #1 because she is incredibly cute, serious and funny at the same time, thats kind of special as I last liked a girl this much was like 8 years ago
>she doesn't have a bf and we have almost exactly the same interests
>she is sick for a few days and I dont't think I've ever missed anyone this much in my life
>out of the blue, she kinda starts ignoring me (not really ignoring, but beeing quiet towards me, not others though)
>have no idea what's wrong or if I did something wrong at any moment
>can't sleep anymore
>can't concentrate on anything or think clearly anymore
>can't think of anything other than her anymore
>feel fucking soulless

She lives relatively close to me and goes to the closest gym to me for several years now (I don't go there, but I'm thinking of switching there because of her)
I've always been a slightly shy guy (was pretty fat for almost my whole childhood before realizing it was enough and going to 200lbs (6'1) and starting to lift) so I'm still a bit insecure about my looks even though its are alright now.
I don't know if I should talk to #2 about it, I can trust her and she might know a bit more about how #1 feels since #1 and #2 are close to each other themselves.
I don't know what to do.

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>>40250533
>I don't really want to kill myself, but to be honest I kind of want to die.

I know this feel

Pledging a top tier frat this year and working as "pledge queen," which basically means I'm head pledge.

It's like running a small business, but all my employees are incompetent and I can't fire any of them.

Balancing this shit with my academics, fitness, and trying to not be autistic is weighing on me

I'm fat again

>>40250640
Hey there, femanon here. Now I don't want to give you false hope, but to me, putting myself in the position of the girl, in which I have been quite a few times, I can tell you one way this could go.
Sometimes I like a guy, but I am too shy to do anything about it, and usually I am in love before I realize it when it happens so naturally by starting friendship first. then when time starts to pass and nothing happens, I start detaching myself from him and acting distant or aloof without realizing it because I'm undergoing the inner process of moving on. Getting quiet around him is a spot on sign that I am starting to reevaluate my feelings and perhaps downgrade my perception of the relationship as nothing more than friendship.
What I want you to know is that there might still be a chance to change her attitude towards her, if you actually talk to her about it. tell her that you value her friendship and that you are interested in more, but you needed some time to realize it, tell her you hope it is not too late, that you can go back to the natural state of things, and have more than that.
good luck anon, I support you.

>>40250674

I've become numb to this over the past few years. I just go through the motions of life and I feel nothing anymore

>>40249276
This hits home so hard, brother. It's like you're in my head. My chin looks like a warzone because I've gone way overboard this week with food. Too much and the wrong kinds. I have a date to a cool event tonight and I don't even want to go because I look and feel like shit. However, I just poured a bowl of cereal into the trash. It's not even noon and I've eaten too much (including foods that mess up my face). I poured out that cereal and I'm going to get to work and I'm going to pick myself up yet again and eat like I should today and this weekend. Next week too. I keep missteping, but I've done well before and I can do it again. So can you. Life is so much- SO much fucking better when we're not in the grip of food. It's a head game. It's fucking hard, but keep practicing.

>>40247621
>studying something i dont want to, instead i want to become an actor

dude I know that feel so hard

>tfw want to be an actor so bad
>was picked on a bit for my interest in acting as a young'n
>never took it seriously for fear of being made fun of
>did some acting in highschool under the guise of "oh it's for drama class the teacher said I'd get extra marks if I did it lol"
>being involved in acting is one of the only things I remember that brings me real genuine enjoyment
>tfw it was also one of the only things I've been naturally good at

fuck man, I wish I wasn't so self conscious when I was younger. I wanted so bad to go to uni or college for dramatic arts but my friends were all going for business and shit like that so I followed. I had so many teachers and other drama students tell me I should pursue it but I was too much of a pussy faggot to go after it.

>tfw i'll never fulfill my only real goal and dream and it eats away at me every day

fuck me, man

>>40250775
>femanon here

tl;dr

>>40249107
Lifting, saving money, almost done with student loans
I feel like the last piece of the puzzle to making it is to quit drinking or at least dial way back
Just can't seem to do it, I hate how I feel the next day, how I act like a dick, how it kills gains and adds fat... But holy shit that first sip, that feel when all your troubles don't matter... The cravings

>>40250775
Thanks, I'll give it a try. The thing im so afraid of is fucking up and losing the by far most important person at school.
Also what constantly keeps me thinking is something like "Why would a 27 year old woman even want a 20yo dude with almost no experience in serious relationships" because my confidence isn't very strong around her. Around everyone else its fine, but around her my confidence hits rock bottom somehow

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>tfw 27 yo virgin
just fuck my life up

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>>40248532
dude my gf of 3.5 years broke up with my in November, I know how you feel. Honestly, the days/weeks/moments leading up to it are the worst. It still sucks when it's actually over but there's a definite sense of relief form no longer having to wonder, you know?

good luck dude

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>>40247040
Fuck, man.
I have this loneliness that I can't seem to get rid of.
I'm eighteen years old. I have a decent friend group, but nobody that's particularly close. I don't really want to get close to them because they're pretty immature, and still get into drama with one another. Because of this, I don't want to be emotionally invested with them.

Even so, I haven't had friends for most of my life. I'm pretty used to 'loneliness', but now it's really fucking bothering me. I started lifting because I want to constantly improve myself in any way possible. I started reading more, and practicing at the piano and guitar more as well.

tldr; I want to improve myself to become a better human. My body and mind are of my main concern and priority. I feel like I disregard others in the process, and I get so fucking lonely because of this.
What do I do?

>friends with mid-tier girl with great ass for several years since high school
>really like her from the jump
>i was ridiculously shy at the time and also a fatass
>could never get courage to have serious conversation about my affinity for her
>we end up at the same uni
>she has ugly duckling syndrome
>gets attractive and it goes to her head
>ignores me on campus and hangs out with black athletes
>I go into self destructive drinking and eating habits, partly because of her
>she graduates and stays unemployed
>clearly waiting for her looks to bring in the dough
>I recently started ketosis, lost 15 pounds
>we both showed up to the same wedding last month
>she went with her family, dressed up like a poor man's Khloe Kardashian
>I showed up with an 9/10 mutual friend of hers and mine
>gives me and the other girl the eye all night
>ignores my attempts at conversation
>since then, she's been looking at my snapchat stories and liking my instagram posts, which she never did before.
Not looking for advice, I know this girl is a cuntbag. Just needed to vent that shit.

>>40250851
I feel like my gf has thought about breaking up with me more than a couple of times, but she's never brought it up so we've never talked about it. Honestly it's like you said, the guessing part is the worst, I'd rather it be over with quickly

>>40250911
Dont isolate yourself from others, you can easily lose a social grip that way and end up in the empty spot, you will regret that. Dont be affraid to hang around dummies, show them your best self.

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>>40247040
>Girl who rejected me needs an emotional tampon desperately
>Joins into all my conversations to change the conversation topic to herself
>Libcuck friend talks to me like I'm Satan for all-but ignoring her

>8 mile run takes 2 hours
>I used to be able to complete a half marathon in 2:01:59

>BJJ academy is learning leg locks (I think they're super cool)
>Sick

>Have to stay home from classes
>Tens of thousands of dollars of student debt

I'm in a slump, and damn it feels bad.

>>40247040

Not trained for 5 weeks due to an injury. I've reduced calories to maintenance level while keeping protein high but I feel like I'm wasting away and losing all my gains, both mass and strength. Even though I'm the same weight and look pretty much the same.

Feels shitty just sitting around with my thumb up my ass when I should be training. Been more stressed as well since one of the main reasons I lift is the stress release it provides.

>be into this one female at uni
>make the move one night
>make out
>be really into her by now
Day after talk to her about what her feeling are
>"not into you"
>"dont know why I did it"
And to top it all off:
>"Me and your very good friend have been dating for a month now"

I am such a fucking mong

>>40251006
Tell your very good friend. Just do it for keks. Buy him a 6 pack and go hunting afterwards - just tell him.

>>40249367
Maybe you just look very bad in photos, many people do.

>>40248853
everyone's gotta start somewhere, dude.
nobody's gonna look down on you for that lmao

>6' 155lbs
>too skinny to go to gym

Anyone know this feel

got a shit grade on an exam and i'll have to redo it next year, parents will get mad as fuck
i've been depressed for year now and don't really care about uni, don't have any goals in my life besides lifting
and i can't just drop out and live on neetbux because of how welfare works here (while my parents are fairly wealthy, i'm 100% sure they'd just kick me out if i fail uni). additionally, getting an enjoyable job is basically impossible without a decent degree, and i'd rather kill myself than wageslave away for the rest of my life.

>>40251102
>for year
years

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>>40251097
that's not a real feal

the feel you feel is the feel of being an utter faggot

>>40247040
I went from a 300lb weak ugly cunt to a 700LB deadlifting 230lb 12% BF 6'3" borderline chad, on top of having improved every other aspect of my life, but I'm still the same lonely miserable loser that would rather have a waifu and spend my weekends watching anime.

Everytime I thought I've found a cute, caring and femine girl, she turns out to be a ho like every other women and is sucking my dick while telling her beta boyfriend how much she loves him. I've never had a relationship and all these hookups have scarred me. I was happier when women didn't give me any attention and I could idolize them.

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>>40248532
>told me she loves me but shes not in love with me anymore
>how do you just fall out of love with someone youve been with for 2.5 years?

this is me, but in reverse. Fell out of love with my gf of 2 years due to mental health issues she had and she would always push me away/never open up. She used the excuse that i was "just going to leave her anyways" so she was always distant. Broke up with her about a month ago

I want to be there for her graduation this May but summer classes and my finance issue might hinder me from going. I wont be able to live this down. Havent seen her in 4 years but we talk on and off through skype and shit. I have no intimate feelings towards her shes just a good person and deserves the best.

>>40252010
Bro, I feel it. 3.5 years later, I was tired of being considered part of the "anybody" she couldn't trust. Her having one foot out the door eventually really did a number on my self esteem. Was I not good enough to get a firm commitment from her? Eventually it clicked that these issues wouldn't go away and I had to get space. I'm still totally in love with her, but I have to be a bit practical. The worst part is she hates me now for proving her right by leaving in the end.

>>40248448
Gee, you dun goofed son. I guess you are gonna die a virgin, since you ruined your only shot at getting a loving and caring gf.

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>Been weight lifting since before high school
>Pretty aesthetic by normie standards
>Get autistic when trying to talk to girls I'm interested in
>Bros help me learn how to talk to girls over the course of a couple of semesters and failed gf attempts
>Last semester of college
>Go all out
>Trim back jihad beard, grow my hair out, start dressing more /fa/
>Start getting mired by a girl in my [spoiler]Japanese 202[/spoiler] class
>Looks to have done the same thing I did over the winter break, went from a 5/10 to a 7/10
>Body is closer to 8/10 but face is still at 5/10
>Start making small talk because why not
>She likes working out, almost confirmed to like anime and nerd shit to some degree, seems to have a sweet and caring personality
>Apparently has been miring from afar at the gym, and I think she tried asking me out when she asked me if I had been to a local cafe, but dropped her spaghetti
What do I do brehs? I can relate to her struggle, and I want to know what it's like to hold hands with a girl before I graduate, but part of me feels like I could do better.

>>40252876
>waaah a girl likes me but i dont have any confidence
>waaah all this time i was lifting to look good and now its finally here im a pussy about it

Cry me a river faggot. I legitimately hate your attitude man up and stop being a little bitch.

I dont know what it is. My life wasnt one of the best, but it definatly wasnt bad. It was pretty good actually, and i was lucky many times. I was pretty fat in my teens, huge rolls of fat. For years i was bullied, changed schools and the same happened. Even as a child i was skinny but people managed to get shit on me, was even thrown dirt at me by girls, whatever. Saw my grandfathers friend die in my presence at like 7 or 8 years old, started questioning about life and death and started waking up in the middle of the night with visions of a skeleton. Also started hallucinating about my family members quickly rotting. Professors just constantly screamed at me, got my ear pushed so many times it actually left marks, and my hand was striken by the teachers wooden ruler until they were red. By 14 i started feeling less, the world was a movie and i was the spectator, who watched it through my eyes and could do nothing to change anything. Got some really nasty thoughts developed in my head, got the weirdest fetishes, became a real pervert, which i still am deep inside. Now in college i continue looking at this world as if an illusion, i see the walla shacking and changing, my imagination is overreacting and my attention span is that of a fly, i hate being a slave to my human inaticts and looking at the bodies of girla because thats my orientation. I want to become a being of pure will without these sub conscious thoughs, without these pre-made directions and inatructions that make me like some pieces of flesh more than others. As gay as it sounds, i want to break free, but i know i never will, i was born human. I will continue living the human life. Call me all that you can thi k off, thats how i think deep inside.

>>40252941
Sorry for all the mistypes, im on my phone. Many a's were supposed to be s.

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I keep making all the starting actions to get my life together but never follow through. Even now, I have a day off work, should do the two weeks of schoolwork I'm behind on, classes I'm PAYING for. But all I can do is play games, watch youtube, browse 4chan, and sleep. If I even start thinking of schoolwork I get overwhelmingly physically tired. I'm probably going to go lay down, even though I have so much to do. I don't know how to will myself at all, it's so hard to articulate I know everything is wrong everything I need to do, I'm constantly plagued with stress over not doing ANYTHING that I need to do and yet it still doesn't motivate me

Seeing your own brother having no future is kind of depressing me.

>>40251068
Possible. And I can't take photos for shit. And the cameras on my sub-100USD phone are bad.

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>>40247040
What about rage? I thought this crap only happened in "real" 4chan stories

>warming up for leg day on rowing machine
>2 minutes left of the row and the only power rack becomes free
>book passage to Squat City, feel my legs begging for punishment
>30 seconds to go and the power rack is claimed before I finish rowing
>ok my bad luck
>guy takes all the safeties off
>go on...
>discards the bar
>...go on (urge to kill: rising)
>wheels over a bench onto the oly platform
>spreads a rainbow of dumbbells and starts doing seated shoulder exercise supersets
>with 16-20kg dumbells
>on the platform in the power rack

I mean mugged him in the mirror while I did diddlys in the general floor area

Eventually he used the safety rail to hold the bar while he did 3.5pl8 shrugs like a tool

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>Been going to the gym for around four months (mid sept)
>Get noticeably stronger
>Get very nice definition
>only put on 6.6LBS / 3 KG
WHAT the FUCK
I'm dirty bulking and I'm absolutely making sure I eat enough calories. Why am I not putting on weight? I should've gained those pounds in the first month or so.
Also, how do i fix my chest? My pecs are my strongest muscle but I can't help but feel that my pecs look like slightly rounded tits, as opposed to this chiseled type of pecs.
What do /fit/?

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This week I will finally have my gyno surgery (an extensive one, with skin excision and nipple raising and lots of stitches etc.), after many many years of trying to cope with it.

Whatever the results (and it could go horribly bad or wonderful or anything in between), I don't know how I feel about the fact that I'm CHEATING. I'm doing plastic surgery. I'm artificially modifying something that really shouldn't bother me as an adult. It feels childish and vain and really shallow, but at the same time I'm excited and looking forward to the results.

I don't like these feels. Don't know what to thing about it.

>>40253667
I'm gonna tell you what everyone else is gonna tell you. If you were eating significantly above your caloric maintenance (>500kcals) every day, then you either haven't accurately figured out what your caloric maintenance sits at, or you aren't counting your calories correctly, maybe both. In either case no matter what you think you're not eating enough.

>>40252066
Same, when we split i had to repeatedly stress that i didn't hate her, i still cared about her, but i wasn't in a place to "love" her. I don't know if she realized that all of her talk about me leaving her just turned into a self fulfilling prophecy. I blocked her and most of her friends on social media and from my phone and stuff, so i just hope that she is doing okay now.

Towards the end of our relationship she was pursuing professional help, but at that point it was too late to salvage my feelings. however i don't doubt that she still dearly loved me at the end of things.

>being part of the "anybody" she couldn't trust
>was i not good enough

damn dude, thats "it" to a T with me as well. I know "relationships don't magically solve mental health" but at the same time it does kind of hurt being pushed away and "left out in the cold" all the time. Wore my emotions down to the point where I would often ask myself "is it even worth it?" when it came to doing stuff for her.

>>40253667
Eat more. You can gain more as a newbie, but 1kg of muscle a month is more or less the max otherwise.

And don't start obsessing about your chest yet, just focus on getting strong. It can easily take 2+ years to fill out your chest, so you gotta be patient.

>>40253850
I did the same thing, and my gyno was relatively minor, and came with the onset of puberty, I just didn't notice it until I was almost 20 when I started to lift and my pecs grew. If it's uncomfortable and drops your self esteem then by all means get rid of it, no more shame in having something like that bothering you than being bothered by going bald, or having a beer gut, or having a weird ass haircut. You made a decision about what kind of person you wanted to be and took tangible steps to make that change, be proud of the fact that you're able to take steps to change things about you that upset you. And it's not cheating unless you did something directly to cause the gyno, and cutting isn't gonna make breast tissue go away.

And yeah, I felt like it shouldn't bother me as an adult, but there's a lot of things that "shouldn't" bother adults, I mean look at the number of adults that are fat as fuck, it clearly doesn't bother enough of them to change. Since you're into fitness of course you'd care how your body looks.

Oh btw relax, it'll go fine, mine went great (Canada healthcare = all paid for because I said it was physically irritating and it was a result of puberty). They cut around the bottom of the nipple, went in and scraped the breast tissue down to muscle and sewed it all back on. A couple years later now it looks and feels great and I don't have the lingering self esteem issues about showing my chest gains off. Good luck man.

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>ask out girls
>they have boyfriends

Every fucking time. I just want a relationship again.

The more weight I lose the more I hate myself. Im seeing what damage has been done and Im seeing what could have been, and Im seeing what will never change.

I wasted my teens and early 20s being a miserable fat sac of shit, Im 25 now and even when I do reach my goals I feel like it wont make any difference because Im too old. Ive ruined parts of my body that will only maybe be fixed with surgery, and theres no point in doing that anyway because Im old and Im sure the results wont be very good anyway, Im gonna heal wrong or theres gonna be horrible scars. I will never have an even remotely attractive body. Ive lost about 60 pounds, yet I have giant loose skin saggy tits that STILL WONT STAY IN MY GODDAMN BRA.

Being fat has forever ruined my life and robbed me of my golden years and I want to kill myself because the idea that I cant ever get a do over hurts too much.

>>40253939
>You made a decision about what kind of person you wanted to be and took tangible steps to make that change
And yet, you'd make fun of people who get fake muscle implants. Why? They basically do what I'm about to do. They're creating a fake self just to impress people, how's that different than me?

BTW, mine will likely be much worse than yours - I'm getting skin removed around the nipple, the nipple itself is cut to smaller size, if it doesn't shrink properly I'll have loose skin, etc. etc., it's much bigger than most cases I've seen.

18 yo. As I'm getting more and more fit, girls will notice me less and less. I wanted to watch movies at a girl's place but she flaked a few hours before and said that she's not feeling well. I guess no pussy for me. Second thing while I was out in the club, a girl friend said to me that her friend thinks that I'm cute (her grandmother died on the same day so she wasn't with her). She said that she could give me the number of her friend. I agreed and wrote her the next day. It's been a week since the message and when I see her in school, she gives me a look I cannot identify. Though, I cannot talk to her in school because she isn't in my grade and it'd be weird to go up to a dozen of girls and talk to only one, not really knowing them.

The only positive things that happened to me were that I could pulled some club sluts but I wasn't able to do a home run, only heavy make out session.

I don't know what's the problem really. I get called above average looking but when I'm sober, I'm probably just too autistic to close any dates. I went on half a dozen but every single one didn't lead to anything. So having an actual gf will be impossible.

>>40253989
>fake muscle implants
They look funny and a better look can be had through training.

>>40253886
>>40253922
Thanks brahs
I think my TDEE is 2700 and I regularly eat 3000 but I'm getting the good protein powder tomorrow. No more soy shit.

>>40254021
Right, but /fit/ still makes fun of them for going through it in the first place, not because it's an easy way out - /fit/ fucking GLORIFIES drug use - but because it's fake, it isn't real.

>>40254068
Eat more. Remember you burn calories when exercising, so you need to eat for that too.

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>>40253957
You are me. 24, turning 25 in april. Teens and early 20's thrown away because of apathy and being fat as all hell.

6' and last I weighed. I don't regret getting fit over the past year though, I'm going to keep going. Despite the stretch marks, after 50 pounds lost and finally my abs and adonis belt are just starting to come in it has only helped. Fortunate that loose skin may not be a problem for me.

If I can tell you this, keep going or don't. You'll age regardless. You'll hit 30 fat or fit and as a sad cunt but whatever.

Also I've learned that I'm much more of a critic on my physical appearance than everyone else seems to be. When I mention I'm on a cut I've had people react "You? Cut?!" and unfortunately I still get uncomfortable getting compliments because I always feel like it's not genuine even if they may be. /fit/ and the person in the mirror are the toughest critics.

It would be nice if somone discuss with me

I used to go out every week and to drink heavy with my friends. It was very funny and we did a lot of shit together. but at a certain point i felt like, this is over for me. i do not want to drink this heavy any more and also looking for a gf.

then I got a gf 9/10
though still going out with my friends drinking, partying but not that much.
Now I got new work, i have to work on weekends. I do not see them often anymore. Because i dont smoke and i dont drink anymore and i got my gf at home + work.

to sum up cuz i don't want to write a huge text with too much details:

I barely see my friends anymore. (no more drinking/ partying)
I work a lot.
I go to the gym often. (but solo, there is no gym brah left for me )
I see my gf often.

I feel kinda empty. I work, chill with gf or I am at the gym...

u get me /fit/ ?

sorry english is not my native language and i m pretty tired so just writing without any order ...

>>40253957
Okay sure but just think about how shitty you would feel and how subpar your life would be if you were still overweight and out of shape.

"i'm old" motherfucker you are TWENTY FIVE, that's only a third to a quarter of your life. 25 years is fucking nothing. Adolescence is overrated, and i guaran-DAMN-tee you you're gonna thank yourself for getting and staying fit, 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years down the line

Don't beat yourself up, you've got a shitload of life left ahead of you

I'm depressed even though I really shouldn't be. It's like I'm used to it, one girl said I have a perpetual 'doomed' look. Doesn't help that I'm a bit autistic and it feels that I have no redeeming qualities compared to other guys. Everyone is moving on with their lives, yet I'm pretty sure that I'm wasting mine on useless shit - at least if I didn't have gud results in my uni studies, I'd have killed myself by now.

>>40254140
I get you. You have outgrown your friends. Do not make your girlfriend you're only/main friend or you will get sick of each other. You are going to need to get new friends, unfortunately. You don't have to completely stop knowing your old friends, but you will need new ones to actually spend time with.

>>40254093
>last I weighed 192* and 16% BF
Forgot to add.

>>40254140
>I work, chill with gf or I am at the gym

You may be tired of the routine of it all. Try to get a vacation going? But honestly though, I envy you in that it seems like you've made it although boring as it may be,

Dumped mine last november, I chill with friends and shit but I have that persistent feeling of lacking the other half of me.

>>40253989
Again, I don't know if muscle implants has a 1:1 comparison with gyno surgery. One of them involves putting material in your body to simulate an appearance of someone who worked hard, the other involves removing uncomfortable extraneous tissue that grew due to hormone fuckery. One is used to emulate an attractive trait, the other one is to make you more closely approximate a "normal" appearance. Pectus excavatum and harelips aren't medically necessary to deal with, but you wouldn't mock someone who gets those dealt with via surgery for being "vain". A burn victim wouldn't be considered entirely vain for getting surgery to make them look less fucked up (an extreme example, I know), because they're just trying to get closer to looking like a normal person.

Additionally
1. I wouldn't mock someone who gets muscle implants, I don't care what other people do with their bodies, but maybe that factors into my positive attitude on mine.
2. Very, very few people get fake muscle implants relative to people who get gyno surgery done.

One more example. In my early teens I had braces. My teeth were all fucked up and it was a hygiene issue because I couldn't clean em properly. Is it a bit vain to get braces? Yeah sure a bit, but is it socially or morally reprehensible to be a bit vain? No of course not. Similarly, gyno surgery was to fix fucked up looking tits that were also notably uncomfortable due to growing muscle and sensitive breast tissue. Fixing a minor cosmetic/comfort thing isn't the same as getting implants/a nose job or some other shit. There's a distinct difference in getting cosmetic surgery in order to better emulate a regular person, vs. surgery in order to better emulate someone super attractive

>>40254199
thanks for answer

yeah it's a stupid situation. I just got one "real" friend who i know since we were children. the other ones were good friends... but they kinda repeat themselves in life. they do not achieve anything. i don't want to be arrogant, but this is how i feel.

w/e i will study at a new school in about 6 months. might there will be some new cool guys.

>>40253989
Also make sure you're cutting before, and after this, you might get a bit of seroma development ( that's normal) but it won't improve as much as it possibly can if you haven't minimized body fat. You'd be surprised how competent the surgeons who do this kind of thing are, but even if they're not, ask yourself, would you rather have breast tissue for life, or slight scarring? Think of it this way, no matter how it goes, how much your skin shrinks etc, it'll be smaller than before. It'll look pretty bruised and rough at first, and for months afterwards, it really takes at least a year for things to go back to normal, so don't expect your skin to pop back to normal overnight, I had some loose skin with seroma but my body absorbed it over time. Also my doc warned me on getting a sunburn/sun exposure on the scars after the fact, apparently they won't heal in such a way as to be less visible if they take sun damage, so be careful on that front.

>>40254293

> You may be tired of the routine of it all.

I'm not tired. I just feel kinda uncomfortable, because I'm realising I'm getting isolated. And that I shouldn't let it come so far. But I just can not be like I used to be and drink and horse around all the time... i dont know

I'm also really happy with my gf thats not a problem. I'm very thankful too.

>>40248328

Strong lifts fucking sucks.

I'm way too unsure if I'm making hypertrophic gains or not... Strength trainers can measure by lifts but how do I? (i know i still make strength gains but less)

I don't want to WASTE a good few months and make minimal progress...

>tfw lanklet and just wanna be thicker

Also need to get more protein.

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>>40247040
Been thinking about my ex more and more.
Thought I was finally over her after breaking 3 months ago.
Hooked up with some girl, she wanted a relationship, I don't, she hates me.
Pledged a fraternity. While I do enjoy the parties, I don't know if I can keep up with it while being focused on school.
I can already tell my grades are slipping and don't really know how to fix it at this point.
Still don't know if my major is right for me.

I thought this was what I wanted. To go to parties, sleep around, and generally enjoy myself in college.
All this shit is making me lose sleep.

And to top it off, I've been sick for the past week so haven't been to the gym to clear my head.

>>40254560
iktfb

Just keep going forward. You'll be okay. Invest more time in the frat, lean on your brothers, and do all your work for school. Focus on yourself more than anything else. The sloots will come when you're ready, don't force yourself to do anything.

>>40254360
I get what you're saying, and the analogy might not have been accurate, but even though I know I'm not trying to fool anyone or make myself look prettier and that it negatively impacts my life, I still feel like I shouldn't be doing it - it wasn't my choice, I was born this way, and that means I shouldn't be ashamed of it or care about it. And yet I'm an adult going through plastic surgery.

>>40254406
If yours were minor and you still took a year to go back to normal, I'm afraid of thinking of what mine would look like after surgery. Probably just sacks of skin. Did you wear the pressure vest? Was it visible under clothes? did people notice and ask you what happened? How long did you take off work / school?
I've been cutting pretty hard, lost ~10Kg and still have like 5 to go, but the date is the date and the surgery is this week, ready or not.

>>40248532
my girl of 5 years broke up with me a year or so ago said she needed time to sort her feelings. a week after our break up shes taking pics with a new guy saying "new love"

I cant say things get better cause i think they don't you just learn to keep moving forward with the pain

>>40250556
>Can you go back to uni?
I would have to redo everything and I kind of burned all of my savings doing it the first time

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That feel when your only birthday wishes are from your parents.

>>40254682
You already know the best revenge my man. Better yourself as much as you can. Find a girl better than her.

>>40254560
but all those things you thought you wanted have no substance. they're "in the moment" desires.

you remind me of myself as a freshman in college. Focusing on your major and having a goal for after school should be your top priority. Lift and learn about nutrition, live a healthy life. Only after that will you be able to fill your life with more substantial pleasures.

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>tfw a manlet tried to act like a man infront of a woman he liked
>tried to intimidate me
>he charged at me
>I held him back by pressing arm against his head
>he kept trying to get loose
>couldn't
>I let go
>he runs into the walls and knocks himself out
What a great feel knowing that manlets will never learn.

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>>40255383
what more do you want faggot? there's nothing more meaningful than a happy birthday from the two people who've conceived your whiny ass

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>alcoholic for the last 4 years
>can't quit, despite probably 20 sincere tries
>trying out new medication to help with withdrawl and urges
>tfw mind is still screaming for alcohol
At the gym now trying to kill time and tire myself out. I'm worried about tomorrow though because I won't have work to distract myself

>>40255552
damn dude so close

>>40255555

I hate my major and I'm a society anxious fucker. I feel stupid and have little hope for the future. I'm gonna finish a year late with no in field experience whatsoever, I've only ever worked retail. I'm fairly lonely, all friends growing up and working or moving away. I tried tinder, met a girl 5/10 face 7/10 body. Only met her in person once, but I was beta af only got a hug after a 4 hour date. I really like her but I feel like I'm pushing her away. Shes much smarter than me, and is heading to med school. I feel like trying to form a relationship with her is just selfish as I have little to offer. I wouldn't want to hold someone like that back in life just to mitigate my loneliness. Right now I hurt my back so I can't squat, deadlift, or any movement that uses the mid trap. Lost 8 pounds due to this and my flu. Today my car was towed and I had to pay, 140$ to get it back. I need to find a new job as I quit my old one last fall due to depression. Still living with parents and they believe in me, but I'm not sure I'll make it.

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>Prolonged wrist issues prevent from lifting seriously
>Can't find a job because of lack of experience
>Completely fucked sleep cycle

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all the girls I want don't want me

all the girls I don't want won't stop hitting on me

and it's not a fat girl/attractive girl divide either, I think it's legitimately my high school fear of women pushing through when I talk to the girls I'm in to subconsciously

also I'm getting older and time is running out boys

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>>40250911
Hey bro. Similar situation here.

>18
>lonely for most of life
>immature friends and bad influences
>just care about my own well being of mind and body
>started lifting to improve myself

You are not the only one man. The thing is, I am just a little ahead of that stage now. I basically axed my whole friend group in one swoop and moved on. For me, I realized that they are only bringing me down.

Look, I get, I sound like a douche. The common mindset (beyond this site anyway) is that you should be nice and accepting yadda yadda. However at one point or another you just end up realizing that anyone holding you back needs to go. After I did that, I joined the local community college and am off to a great start. I already have been invited to multiple outings and everything. I've made plenty of friends 2 weeks in.

The thing is, right now it isn't a matter of secluding yourself and handpicking. I am doing the shotgun approach and am just getting to know everyone. After a while, I plan on narrowing down to certain people.

I haven't looked back since to that old group. I am much happier now. The point is man, you just gotta take a leap of faith and just start talking to people. After meeting one, you start meeting their friends and their friends and so on.

Summary:

>axe the shitty friends
>just start talking to people and get a number
>try and chill and see where it goes
>either befriend them or go back to step one

I'm almost 29, I've had one girlfriend in my life (for 3 months) and a virgin. I look normal and am not really socially awkward but just don't have good luck with girls I guess. It just sucks since most all of my friends are happy and married now and it feels like time's basically up for me and I got left behind.

>>40255833

take the red pill anon, before your time runs out

>>40248448
shes not attracted to you, you're beta bucks. She'll fuck you on the first date if you're hot enough.


Please move on an find a girl that is actually attracted to you.

>>40255859
>wanting a girl that fucks on the first date

>>40248532
ahahaha, you let the attraction drop. This is 100% on you, you went way to beta and gave too much comfort.

Go ride the fucking sidebar.

>>40255903
>missing the point.

Any girl will fuck the right guy on the first date. I'm pointing out that this girl just isn't attracted to that anon at all and it's best that he moves on to a girl that is attracted to him.

>>40247040
I really don't like myself. I never feel excited about anything. The main emotion that I seem to feel is a vague sense of worry.
I'm far away from my home and my family, and I don't casually speak to anyone outside of work. I find myself not answering my family's messages because there doesn't seem like any point.
The only thing keeping me from killing myself is the fact it would crush my mother, but I can't even speak to her without feeling annoyed or bored.
No matter how much I exercise, or how much money I save, or whatever I read, I just can't bring myself to care about a god damn thing.

>>40255903
seriously. I feel bad for anyone that falls for redpill/PUA/MGTOW shit that some reddit faggots post on this board.

>>40255939
MGTOW and PUA don't give a fuck if a girl puts out easy though...

I just want to start a family and be a wife but my entirely family has weird flipped gender roles. I want to be the best traditional wife as a possible and I strive for it, but every relationship I find, whether it was 6 years or 6 months I end up getting used or abused because Im really attracted to narcissistic males. I also unknowingly encourage it because I just want to take care of my partner all the time, down to taking his boots off at the end of the day.
.
shit sucks, I wish I could be that strong independant woyman who dont need no man

>>40247040
I have finally accepted that weed was fucking me and has been part of my downward spiral for the last five years. It's all or nothing when I have it, smoking the second I get in from work, smoking all weekend, avoiding my friends to sit and get baked alone. I'm done with it. My use coincided with a succession of shitty things happening in my life and it went from recreational to a clichéd coping mechanism. It's only been 8 days but already I feel so much more alive, like my old self and clear headed, not feeling like shit every morning and dreading having to make conversation. I finally feel like that period of my life is over. My teens and early 20's were drinking too much, up until now it was smoking too much, now it's time to get my shit together before I turn 30. I feel excited about the future for the first time in a long time.

That felt good to write.

>>40255939
If she fucks you on the first date, she fucks everyone on the first date. That's good, score for you, but don't be surprised when she cheats on you in a threesome with your dad and your dentist.

>>40247040
>Trapped at home most of my childhood
>Mum has Kidney Failure, Dad has bipolar disorder and Anti Social Personality Disorder
>Tortures her and me
>Eat to cope
>Fat cunt as a result (peaked at 240lbs 6'0")
>Literally one night kicked his door in to stop me strangling him in his sleep for beating my mother badly a few times and making being a teen hell
>Finally get out and escape to university
>Living off my academic scholarship and whatever my mum can steal while my dad isn't looking, looking for job
>Finally get to meet people, finally popular
>Meet girl, 5/10 but amazing personality
>She tells me about her life, says I'm like her dad, and that she had similar problems, although not as intense, violent or alcoholic
>Start to develop feels
>She falls for this fucking autist, talks like he's 60 years old, hates her, hates homosexuals, balding and he's fucking 18, rarely leaves his room, loves wearing military uniforms
> I finally have control over life so I diet and start to exercise.
> She's clinging to the most autistic man I've ever met

I have a good number of friends now, and I'm less of a fat cunt, but you know, I am still pretty pissed.

Can i post if i've been feeling pretty good?
>nyr fag, actually seeing progress still motivated
>just had 5yr aniversiry with gf
>Stuck to meditating everyday this past month. Feeling a little more in control.
>job where i do practically nothing until close but browse the internet or read.

Its been nice to have some stability

>>40256098
>hates homosexuals

This is a problem? Sounds like you're beta as fuck or a bull dyke.

>>40256115
Not really, just sprung to mind when I wrote it. He's just a weirdo.

>>40256125
Focus on yourself and disregard women. I had your stats 7 months ago, get below 18% bf before you start to even think about them.

As you can see, women are retarded.

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I feel like my life is just fading away and nothing will ever feel satisfying again. No matter how many people I meet in college, I still just can't make any meaningful connections with anyone. I'm scared I'll live my entire life just sort of drifting, not really having any meaningful relationships or real passions. Working hard in terms of exercising and schoolwork doesn't even make me feel like I'm any better off, I still feel like there's no fix to any of this.
I haven't been doing well lately.

>>40256140
I've been doing that as much as possible. I'm not actually gonna date her, I don't find her attractive. I just think it's really odd how she'd waste her affection on such an odd piece of work, there are way better guys about like this one guy who is /fit/ and reasonably alpha.

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I'm afraid I'm going to be alone for a while since I'm gay. I'm just lumped in with annoying fags who go to pride parades and uses their sexuality as their defining trait. I'm just a guy who likes other guys. But because of this, I'm branded as a degenerate even though I'm the same as anyone else.

>>40250911
Are you me?

>tfw no feels
.

>>40256205
Literally just be vocal about the bullshit that the (((gay community))) is. Look at the following Milo has amongst conservatives and right/center right wing.

>>40256142
Yeah, you can never really understand anybody else, but it's all of us against the uncaring chaos of the universe.

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I'm afraid that i'll end up alone because I can't controll myself properlly. I'll have sudden bursts of rage on which I kinda see myself, as a spectator, doing this kind of shit.
I'm like this since i was a child and have taken medication to treat this shit. I am so ashamed of myself when i'm in this state, and it doesn't happen so often anymore, but it's still there.
I'm affraid that someday i'll lose my shit and beat up my hipotetical son or gf. I'm affraid even of beating up pets. So I convinced myself that it's better to get used to being alone. There's less risk of causing damage this way.
But I don't really wanna be alone.

Trying to work on my writing, but it is still shit. You start with an idea, but then realize that actually writing every single sentence and all the dialogue is actually challenging.

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>>40247040
HOW COULD BERSERK 2016 LOOK THIS BAD REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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I think I'm developing a crush on this girl that has a boyfriend. Can't stop thinking about her and I'm certain she finds me attractive.

Fucking hell the mind is so irrational. I asked her out and she declined by saying she has a boyfriend, I tried to deduce beforehand but she just didn't make it obvious in any way. She never said no or apologized just that she has one.

After shrugging it off we kept talking and laughing about random shit. The topic of her boyfriend came up; she mentioned "he's starting to grow on me", "personality is what matters, right?" and "oh don't worry, you'll never see him". This isn't the first time I've been rejected, but jesus it seems to me she's really underselling her boyfriend.

Am I being retarded or is there hope to woo her away? Fucking hell, I haven't crushed hard on a girl since like middle school. Mid 20's btw.

Help me fit

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>>40250533
>Wanted to become a pilot but i couldnt because i dont have 70,000
>Wanted to become a deck officer on a ship but i couldnt because i cant spend 6 months at sea without my relationship falling apart
>wanted to become a firefighter but there is zero job openings unless i want to volunteer for years but i need income to survive
>wanted to become a police officer but people on this site said it sucks dick and i feel like i was over romanticizing it

On to the next thing i guess, whatever that is :(

>>40256335
I had this kinda thing. I felt weak and wanted to be angry enough to will myself strong. But what I was angry at most of the time was the universe, and the strength I wanted was self control. I still don't control myself, and I'm angry all the time, but I'm angry at the universe, so I don't fear lashing out at other people.

>>40256447
>personality is what matters, right?
sounds to me like she is trying to justify his shit body. I think she want to fuck you but the relationship is a no go bro

>>40256477
>wanted to become a firefighter/police officer

You dodged a bullet, especially if you want to keep lifting

Even if you get into a department with high call volume, it will ruin your body and maybe your mind.

My recommendation? Become an electrical lineman. Save up about 1500 for a CDL A class, then apply for an apprenticeship. While you're waiting for that, try to get hired by a company to work as a groundman/driver.
It's hard and can sometimes be insanely dangerous, but the pay is pretty fucking outstanding and you still get to do a "hero" job. I did it and haven't looked back since.

t. former firefighter/EMT with a laundry list of debilitating injuries and horror stories

>>40247165
Start your own company bro

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I just lost about 30lbs (195-167) in 3 months from a sub-1200kcal diet and I can only notice it in my neck/jaw. Still got a gut and lovehandles, guess I need to start an exercise routine. Bummed that the weight loss didn't change as much as I expected.

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>>40248088
Did this once with a girl who gave me her number. I texted her that same day. We work together and it's really awkward when we walk by each other because she just ignored me after that.

>>40247040
i figure, with everything else in life, the moment i stop actively searching for something, it pops up immediately. i should remember that more often

>>40247040
I've upped my picture game and getting way more matches on tinder now. problem is I'm still autist when trying to talk over text.
How do you ask to meet the person without sounding like a creep or rapist?

>>40256516
That's how I see it. Thinking if I can keep up an appearance of she missing out or something I may win her over. Aside from that as it stands that's how I see it.

Probably not worth the energy.

>>40256685
>losing that much weight without lifting
bruh you're asking for loose skin and overall shitty looks

>>40252876
Honestly I think the only thing you need is for someone to tell you that you can do it. So I'm telling you that you can do it. Ask her out to somewhere nifty like a cafe or something.

>>40250822
Just go up to her and say it. If she is a true friend, she'll let you know how she feels. Even if she doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean you can't stay friends. Hell, it could even be a little inside joke if she rejects you. But you wont know unless you man up, and ask her.

My job has absolutely killed my motivation for going to the gym and as a result I've become completely out of shape, can barely do MMA/wrestling with my friends anymore without dying, all muscle tone and strength lost, and I completely hate myself.

https://discord.gg/MSbvx
If you want to talk to chill people about anything, we are there.

Come on anon, you don't have to be alone.

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So fucking lonely. Aside from people at the gym and my two elderly parents I care for, I haven't talked to another soul since my conference two Thursdays ago.

All these promises of people at the conference to get me in contact with potential investors for my little farm have so far not come true. I am fearing now that some people at this conference are probably trying to steal my idea. (It is rather unique but proven tech.)

I just wish I had someone to chat with. Maybe go have a beer with. Something.

Someone to keep my hopes up. Someone who believes in my idea and me (not money-wise, just thinks I'm doing what's right and could be there for me.)

Fuck.... Everything feels wrong.

>>40256733
Yeah that was a risk, but it doesn't seem to have happened. I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, but I guess that was just stage 1.

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>>40247040
I can't stop thinking about my ex for some reason. I even have a gf and everything now. But for some reason, I keep thinking about her.

I hate it. This girl broke my heart because she hate long distance and wanted to party withouit me holding her back. So why can't I stop thinking about her now of all times, years later, when she was such a cunt?

>>40250801
Hope you went to that event man. I must admit that I too had plans to go to a party yesterday night but felt so shit from overeating that I decided to workout instead and though it would have been nice to go to the party it felt best to prioritize recovering from the damage I'd done. It's.. it's not even a struggle, I had no real reason to overeat like I did, it really is a fucking mental game.
The positive thing with this binge session was that I started having a discussion with myself about this bad habit and came to a realization on how the mental state (which leads to overeating) is fueled by apathy caused by irrational thought (which in turn is caused by a stress caused by a feeling of helplessness caused by an insufficient/unclear view of my current situation, etc.).
It's, exactly as you said, a freaking head game, the rules of which is needed to be understood to play it instead of getting played by it...

>>40250911
literally me. I'm a friendly, good-looking 19 year old dude but i have 0 friends. i just numb the loneliness by focusing on grades, lifting, and piano

>>40252876
its simple. do you like her? yes, then ask her out. no, then don't

>>40248929
Same dawg.

>Leften for two years
>No longer chubby autistic manlet
>For the first time in years go to the park with friends
>Legit tumble and fall on my ass repeatedly while playing frisbee.

Am I just a lumbering hulk of uncontrollable muscle

I cut her out of my life because I thought I wasn't good enough. The way she treats me and acts around me only makes me feel worse.

I did it once and I can do it again. I'm ready to go full lifting hermit in 2017 and leave humanity behind because I can't fucking stand pining for her any longer...

>>40248127
right, bc life is over after college

i've barely talked to women in a year and i feel like i'm never getting a gf. At the same time, I wonder why even get one. i feel like i would just get heartbroken.

>>40248532
Holy shit man we're in almost the exact same situation

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>>40250931

Women are only as loyal as their options.

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I use to have a tight bond with my friends in elementary school. We would do everything together and always wanted to hangout. We would make immature jokes and qutoe stupid TV shows. I remember having deep conversations with them and thought we could never be separated. Until middle school, they started drifting away from me. Judging me for not hanging out with cool kids. It fucked me up, people i trusted and told secrets to just turn away from me. Skip to High School i now have two friends that is almost like that but im scared to hang out with them because they might do the same. Im scared to trust people thinking they want to use me. Also this is beta af but Im fine dying alone. I never had a gf because so many girls were I live love taking about sex. They wear i like a budget and I just want to have a deep relationship with one but they all are so plan and self obsessioned
TLDR
I dont know where I am in life. I want to die and there's no hope so roast me.

>>40257416
Don't be afraid to make new friends man. Middle school is a really weird time for people and you can't blame them for how they act. It's different now that people are older. You have to give people time to grow up.

>>40248532
There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face - women will not show you the truth until their mind is made up, very hard for us to understand as a comparatively plain dealing species.

I feel like a fucking crazy person because I think I'm supposed to make world a better place. Like that is my destiny.

>>40257541
Maybe you picked up that idea as a kid and it stuck with you

>>40257561
Maybe. Maybe I'll grow a pair and try figure it out.

>>40251006
Absolutely let your boy know about it.

>>40257566
What do you mean try and figure it out? What do you feel like you need to figure out?

>>40256694
I'm just gonna talk to her whenever i see her next. I'm at a point where I actually feel confident about myself and know I'm gonna make it, so even if she doesn't want to talk or whatever I know ultimately it doesn't bother me too much. I mean, hopefully she'll want to hop on this train while it's leaving the station, But either way I'm gonna look great and feel even better in a few months anyways, lol.

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>>40247040

I am tired of having existential anxiety, I often find myself becoming extremely aware of my existence and my thoughts and I freak out. It sounds silly as fuck, but it gets so heavy I begin to feel completely disassociated from myself and my environment, to the point where I feel as if my own memories belong to someone else.


Nothing feels fucking real, it's like I am in a dream and I can't wake up.

>>40257541
To think that trying to better the world is a desire belonging to the insane, THAT is crazy.

Protip: Find and volunteer at a local charity. I recently started doing that and it's one of the best decisions I've made in a long time.
Seems like the best way to help others is to help oneself by helping others.

threw my life away after becoming a pothead i became a recluse, then an alcoholic then an opiate addict. ive mostly quit all the drugs but still have never recovered from throwing my life away after becoming a recluse. had a completely normal life up untill about 17 when i started getting anxiety and depressed from smoking weed every day. instead of quitting weed like i should have i quit school and finished highschool through distance ed. worst mistake i ever made.

>>40257708

One word: Meditation. I walk in your shoes and meditation helps loosen their laces (even take them off briefly). For each day that I do not meditate; the laces tighten, but with daily practice the walk of life becomes less uncomfortable, even a bit enjoyable..
inb4 "I tried it once and it didn't work"

>>40257762

No, not quite. I meditate frequently as a way to face my fears and overcome it, but it seems it seems meditation is not a cure, but a treatment.

I worry about what awaits me 20 years down the line, if on my 21 years of age I feel so out of control with my own mind, am I progressively descending into insanity?

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>>40257632
Good look bro. It didn't bother me too much since I never really had feelings for her in the first place, but it definitely put a damper on my confidence.

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My boss fucked up a bunch of orders this week, which just so happened to be the week that he was in a bad fucking mood for. Decided he'd take his anger out on everybody else around him, and since it was a quiet one that mostly meant me. The entire day was pretty much just dealing with him swearing at me about shit that was out of my control and treating me like I'm useless. Couldn't argue the point because he's an arrogant fuck who never admits fault.

Once I got home I was still so fucking pissed off about it. I couldn't disconnect what had happened at work with what I could be doing at home. I decided to go to the gym and do some deads and squats to get my mind off of things.

Setting up for deadlifts, doing that pre-game mind strength shit...

>I'm not useless
>I'm gonna lift the fuck out of this
>I'll prove to myself just what I'm capable of
>Fucking cunt of a boss

Went to lift, poor form, felt wrong, failed the lifts, soreness in the lower back.
Had to drop my workload down drastically on deadlifts, and go light on squats just so I could do something that even resembled a bit of effort without fucking up my back. Tried doing accessories but even those were a struggle because of how demotivated I was feeling.

So now I currently feel like absolute shit. Usually I can just go into the gym and push myself passed my own expectations, walk out feeling happy. This week has been a real fucking drag though.

>>40257861
Do biceps to warm up next time you're stuck like that. I've been having a shit week too

Ever since I came to university I have stopped going to gym because it's been so fucking busy. I am literally retarded at time management and end up wasting my time after gym or doing gym going on my phone and doing jack shit.

I looked good,(not great) before coming in and lost my virginity here but ever since my stay here I've gained like 30 pounds. And it fucking sucks because I literally can not make the time to do what I love. I can't even watch the TV shows I like or the people I like to hang out with.

This is not what I expected when I came into an Ivy league business school. Also on the other hand, (I'm not sure if they're actually like this or this is how they make it out to be) but there are these kids that get exemplary marks, are entrepreneurs, go to gym, party and fuck bitches all at the same time and it's genuinely making me wonder how they do it.

>>40257048
That's a good way of looking at it- a game in which the rules need to be understood in order to address it. And that a generalized awareness of lack of control leads to the stress that leads to overeating is so true. So, how do I catch and stop myself from starting on a binge when I know this logically but I just don't care, wanting the immediate pleasure of eating regardless? Why can I sometimes stop myself and other times not? I guess that's a bad attitude- I can always stop, I just need to hold myself to that standard.
Anyway, it's good to talk to someone who relates on this. I have a hard time confiding in anyone face to face. And yes, I went to the event (art show) and it was fucking awesome. So glad I went. Today turned out okay, and now I feel like I'm going to have a few days of self control. I need to keep that going for more than just a few days, though. Man, I wish you the very best in this struggle.

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I can't seem to stay on the wagon. I can get on the wagon and stay on it for a couple of weeks, but every so often I have to binge on stupid shit, 4chan, youtube videos, liquor, just some dumb shit that wrecks my sleep schedule and makes me miss commitments. After 24 hours or so of binging on any thing I can, I can get back on the wagon. What gives? It's like when I am acting like a good person some energy is building up, and after so much time I have to dispel it by being an absolute slob. What can I do to keep an even keel?

>>40248962
>the posts with the worst feels get ignored

>>40257708
I was feeling those feels, asking the questions
If biology says we exist only because our predecessors continued our existence, then there is no higher purpose to existence
How can I commit myself to the values of the community if I am not a valued part of the community
Is the purpose of my life just a complex derivation of pursuit of pleasant neural responses?
If I die, the world still rolls forward, if my whole family, my whole birth city dies, the world still rolls forward. If all life from planet Earth dies, the world still rolls forward. What's the point of going to work to impress my boss when there have been too many million+ people genocides for the average person to keep track of? Why not got get high and die unconscious in a gutter before I have to deal with coming down?
Why can I logically reason out why my life doesn't matter, but I can't emotionally accept it?
How come I always fantasize about who will cry at my funeral when I'll not be alive to care about it?
Each frame of consciousness is a new birth, and frames of consiousness before it have all died. Sense of identity is derived from memories, and presents an illusion of continuous consciousness. What then, is the difference between copying my memories and state of consciousness into another entity, then killing the original, and normal moment-to-moment existence? After all, sense of self is nothing but a sham based on reading the same memories
Do I really love my family/friends or do I just appreciate the things they do for me? Is a favor proof of friendship or is it the friendship itself?
Why haven't I killed myself yet?
How come I am such a spineless loser with no commitments?
Why can't I make my parents proud?

>>40258366

After years, I just stopped looking for answers to the questions. Just started trying to live up to family expectations. Get a family, love the heck out of my kids. It pains me that I know so little about my parents, and even less about my grandparents, and that the same patter will hold true with my children and grandchildren. I have no respite in the idea of leaving a legacy with my children. I will be fully dead and forgotten by the 3rd generation after me. So I still don't know how to approach the question of life, I just know that if I finish college and get a good paying job that I am proud of, I can feel good about myself and spend money on nice things I like, so having worries about the meaning of life will be more comfortable from the seat of a mid-range luxury car than from a booth at McDonald's whilst comparing the calories per dollar of McDoubles to the calories per dollar of dry pinto beans. Fuck it, I don't think I will find the answer, but I was lucky enough to be born in a nice country where I can get a nice job and get a shitton of money to pay other poor people to do all the pointless shit so I don't have to.

I have abandonment issues, and trust nobody because of it. The only person who listens to my problems might as well be a robot for how little empathy she displays
My goal is health, because I'm too much of a sperg to start something

>>40248962
I will pray for you bro

>>40258572
>The only person who listens to my problems might as well be a robot for how little empathy she displays
Let me guess, gf?

I had abandonment issues and trust issues from a fucked up childhood, talked to my gf about it because she was nagging me about how i was cold and didnt share stuff
Well she turned around and used exactly my deepest fears and insecurities against me

>be robot from r9k.
>live in a shed out the back of my parents house.
>no electricity in here, power leads coming out my parents laundry window into my shed
>despite living on their property I haven't seen them since Christmas Day when they came out to see me
>shower in their back bathroom they never go in when they're at work
>on autismbux
>thought getting /fit/ would fix my life
>life is exactly the same except I have a good body
>used to drink a lot
>alcohol is bad for gains
>swapped my alcohol addiction to addiction of eating spoonfuls of super hot hot sauces I get online to feel something.
>consider suicide everyday
>but I have to deadlift, eat chillies and get (you)s today so I don't

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>>40247040

>Meet girl through friends GF
>Party with her and all my friends. Do random group stuff with her.
>She is always there when we go out.
>Slowly hit on her for a year.
>They say don't hookup with her. it'll end up bad for everyone
>It happens. We fuck for about 3 months.
>Hangout with her most of the time.
>She slowly stops seeing me. Less contact. Barely any responses.
>Go out with everyone she's not coming out
>Find out she is seeing another guy
>Short dude. who rides show horses.
>Apparently the guy is son of the owner who owns the grounds/track. Really rich

I got ditched for money... Feels bad.

Those 3 months were great but, good times never last.

>>40258610
I wish, I don't have the strength to enter another relationship
Last one I became the crying shoulder for at least 4 failed relationships after we broke up, and after she finally found someone, the moment I was depresses, I was blocked with no warning for being "too gloomy and not fun to talk to anymore"

I'm not.giving my time to anyone to get spit in the face, just like I never begged the father that abandoned me to even come and see me

>>40248962
You're in my heart bro

>>40247040
im like a mentor, or a father figure to someone younger to me, and he has gotten so unstable to the point everyone is angry at his behavior, i try to approach him and help and all that happens is he becomes unstable again.

I try to be patient with him and guide him the right way but i think i can't. It sucks to feel like I have let this lost kid down

>>40249367
just give up and become a serial woman slaughterer

>>40248962
love you bro stay strong

>>40258179
Glad that you went man. When I have breakouts (or even just a few zits) I become a recluse, wanting to appear in public as little as possible, but as my confidence has increased have I become better at pushing through the zit-self-consciousness, which means that I don't indulge as much in being reclusive (which in turn causes me apathy --> overeating --> etc. etc.
>So, how do I catch and stop myself from starting on a binge when I know this logically but I just don't care, wanting the immediate pleasure of eating regardless?
That's the thing ain't it..
I must admit that this morning I AGAIN started overeating again, logically reasoning that "eh, I'm already gonna get acne and feel like shit, might as well go on a mega-piggy-ride.." but then, mid-sandwich, I managed to JUST STOP, threw away the sandwich and bicycled to my local swimmingpool and exercised instead. Bread is such a sneaky foe.. "One slice won't hurt. I can keep my willpower in check.." and then it begins.. Shit is like cryptonite-crack to me. The worst part is that it causes near instant hair falling for me, so all the work I've been putting into keeping a healthy diet, massaging oils into my hair etc becomes for naught just after a bit of overeating (seriously, I've been treating my hair well and have managed to even reverse the thinning, but now when I brush through my hair with my hand there are instantly a half-dosen hairs in my hand..
Can't let it get me down though.
When I got home I got into the same zombie-mindset again and was close to eating bread again, but instead went for a carrot and a bowl of sprouts and am still munching on it (whereas if I'd gone for the bread I'd have already eaten 4x the amount of food material by this time..).

We really should come up with some good strategy for when the food zombie-parasite deactivates our self-reason, because (let's be fucking honest) this shit is so goddamn absurd!

The best thing I came up with is to simply meditate daily..

/fit/ feels
>6'0 183lbs
>started cutting
>wasn't losing much weight so lowered to 1800cal
>lose weight
>do SL5x5 seriously and start making gains
>weight went down 7lb and then up 7lb in a week
>my shoulder and arms are thicker but I'm paranoid because I can't tell if I'm losing body fat
>still look like shit because real gyne and skin is kinda lose from previous weightloss
>afraid will look like dough at low bf% too
>my cheap equipment is shit and I can't add more weight
>barbell safety starting to fail
>gyms around here are shit because it's 100% dyel guido culture
>the only gym I like is half an hour drive away on a good day without traffic

Life feel
>girl I like has bf
>she perfectly got I'm into her
>started hinting she sees me like a borther
>neet dropout with no experience
>father is leeching off of me
>so embarassed of my situation I don't even tell my friends
>avoid personal converation all the time
>can't really connect with people because of this

>think I'm catching feels for some 5/10
>know I shouldn't because I'm /fit/ and a solid 7
I think it's just because she likes me.. but I'm not even sure she does. I don't know how to feel

>>40249249
You're like me, and my purpose/goal is to travel the world.
Whole world.
Find a purpose in that.

>>40249296
How did you even meet?

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>>40247040
My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected.

>>40248532
My gf of 6 years broke up with me a year ago. I will never find someone as good as her again

Struggling with my degree.
For last 2,5 years I can't focus on my studies, I'm doing bare minimum and I'm behind in many courses.
I like the subject too, but I always find ways to distract myself from studying. There were so many compromises and broken promises to myself, that I started to lose faith in my ability to achieve anything in life.
Maybe I'm just destined to be a minimum salary loser soaking in regret :( feelsbadman

>>40249047
> I'm 26 and feel like nothing seems to have worked out by now, while also beginning to realize it might be too late to sort out my life

Oh man I don't know how I've missed your post,
I'm the same position except I'm a HS dropout with no future.
I managed to travel a bit because I have some decent savings, they're gonna run out at some point, but man it was worth it.
I was so lucky I even found of group of people to travel with and that makes it even better, we go on a motorcycle trip every year for 10/14 days and it's so fucking amazing and challenging,
it really gives me a personality boost that makes me want to get shit done when I'm back home.
You should try it

>>40248819
Bro I'm doing engineering at the moment. I fucking hate maths. I'm retaking a maths course at the moment because I failed it last semester, but I swear to god man those few times you make something and it fucking works will be amazing.

Even an arduino maze path finding robot will make you feel like a fucking god

>>40249308

>>40247165
You care too much about money and recognition.

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almost hooked up with a 9 yesterday

> game is tight up to a point at the bar 2am
> sit next to her on bench
> she snuggles up between bis and lats
> i stroke her back and grab her hip
> she grabs my left quad
> I leave to pee and buy more beer
> never get another opportunity
> she is swarmed by her friendzone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le9sLw2VdUg

Some of the friendzoners are my friends
so they might bring her to me another time.
I know where i fugged up, so hopefully I learn

Doing some light chest and shoulder workout soon
so at least I got that going for me

>>40248962
do deadlifts for a strong back bro, go heavy

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I can't seem to find a job.

I have a degree with Biz Admin and recently failed an accounting course, so I was forced to find work to pay rent. I'm tired of student loans, and I just want to get a nice job and pay it all back. I just want to be comfortable right now and I can't get it. I'm trying not to settle for a shitty retail job again but I feel like I'll have to get a day and a night job just to make enough money.

I'm /fit/, reasonably good looking and dress nice.. Honestly at this point I feel like I'd be better off if I just became a sociopath and went for whatever I wanted.

>>40259007
I'm glad to hear you ditched the sandwich and went for a swim. It's really hard to JUST STOP, but when I manage to do so anyway, the willpower usually sticks around for a while. It is absurd to lose all reason to the zombie mindset, as you put it. Especially in the face of an otherwise fairly effective and disciplined life. I don't know about you, but my relationship with food is the only serious problem in my life right now. That aside, it'd be heaven to just have to work on being a better person and making a living. I guess winning this will make us better people.
>bread
>is
>the
>devil
I'm with you there. I need to just give it up 100%. I'm okay about that in my own home, but when I visit my family, all my restraint flies out the window. I was going to begin keto this week, but procrastinated it like an idiot. But it purports to be a great tool to head off bread and sugar cravings for good. I'm starting again today, and sticking to it long enough to give it a good chance. If it works, then indefinitely.
That bread causes your hair to fall out is terrible! Man, you need to stop that for good! It's so bad for the body in so many ways, why the fuck is bread so tempting?
>A strategy to deal with the food-zombie parasite...
(thanks, I'm going to start thinking of it that way, kek)
Meditation is wonderful. I need to do it every day; it really does help. What's your method of practicing?
I'm going to focus on meditation and keto this next couple weeks as my re-doubled attack on the parasite.

>>40258638
Time to get /fit/ and /biz/ bruh

>>40249137
juST POST YOUR FUCKING FACE

>>40255914
this isnt TRP

>>40249137
POST FACE IDIOT STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF IF YOU WANT HELP COME GET IT FUCKER WE WANT TO HELP

>>40248853
Focus on you, it doesnt matter if other people can lift more than you, all that matters IS YOUR OWN STRENGTH. Never give up and just keep trying, with your own will and dedication you can make yourself strong, many people at the gym are lifting for their ego boost, but you anon, you LIFT FOR YOU. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT BRO ;))))

>>40248962
work your upper body until you can drag yourself around with only your arms. We can ALL make it bruh

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>tfw I never blocked her because I need my anger to get things done

I feel like I'm stuck inside my own mind. Most of my social interaction consists of me internally trying to analyze what people are saying and come up with a response, obviously that takes long and makes me insecure and scared so everything I do is awkward. I think about my life too much and I'm not sure how to go about being less awkward and changing my life for the better.

>>40249175
she doesnt matter and has no real outcome on your future. Ignore her and be glad you didnt get pulled deeper. Move on anon, its for the best.

>>40253040
well thats definitely a big part of it. Upgrade your phone and learn to take photos and you'll have panties dropping.

>>40261190
>my relationship with food is the only serious problem in my life right now
Pretty much the same. I mean, I've got other problems that I deal with, but food is the main thing that is what I'm struggling most with.
>I'm okay about that in my own home, but when I visit my family, all my restraint flies out the window
Yes! In my apartment I only have healthy food (vegetables, fruits, seeds, beans, berries, tea) but since I'm over at my parents caring for the family dog while my parents are away ... omnomnomnomNOOoooOOooO!
At least today I managed to eat mostly vegetables but oh boy did I eat a lot of it..
>Bread is the devil
It really is. There should be local bread-exorcists to chant "THE POWER OF SLICED BREAD DOES NOT COMPEL YOU!" while sprinkling green tea whenever the Whitebread Devil tries to lure us to consume it.
Jesus Crisps..

>What's your method of practicing?
It varies but what I've been trying to do is wake up every morning around 6am, make some green tea, sit down and just focus on my breathing for 20-30mins, then the same just before going to bed in the evening around 10pm.
I try to breathe in for 21secs, keep the breath for 10secs, breathe out for 21secs completely, hold 10secs, repeat. Again, it varies but this seems to work for me. Counting the seconds is a good way for me to keep the focus and makes sure that I breathe in and out deeply. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, but sometimes also breathe out through the nose (keeping my focus on the nostrils).
Eh, there are so many different ways to meditate, but this is what works for me right now since it is almost strictly focused on the breath and nothing else. Gives me energy and a deepened awareness of my own being for the rest of the day and makes sleep much better.
BUT... while I've been over here at my parent haven't I meditated once. Goddamn it, it can't be that I regress to old bad habits every time I visit my parents.. Should burn some sage here something lol

>>40258625
don't do this man, join the army or something

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>in class with most beautiful girl i've seen
>literal 10/10 (to me, prob 7 or 8 to others)
>too beta to talk to her

also
>just wanna fight people
>no boxing or fighting places near me
>really eager to beat the shit out of the next person who even looks at me wrong

i hope this doesn't put me on a list but i really just wanna kill and hurt people no lie, call me edgy but that's all i think about

>>40247040
> Have a nice week of lifting and clean diet
> Mostly alone and autistic but you know the drill
> Chad from gym asks me to go to a party with him
> Sounds good I will just not drink since it is not good for calorie, maybe I meet some future gf.
> I immediately lost track of Chad friend on a party.
> End up talking with 2 DYEL manlets, and one fatass
> They want me to drink... too much beta to refuse.
> End up drinking considerable amount of alcohol.
> My calorie intake is probably fcked and my potential gains as well.

T-t-thanks real life

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I have to hit on a girl next week. Some girl said "good morning" to me and I said h-hi. I hope I run into her again on campus...

I SHOULDA FUCKING ASKED HER OUT, GONNA NECK MYSELF IF I DON'T SEE HER NEXT WEEK

>>40262489
>>40262489
hi elliot

>>40262648
in not as handsome as elliot rodgers

>>40248962
I hope you know we love you and you'll never be alone bro

>>40259476

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>>40247040

Gonna ask it here

Help me out in this situation with the girl, we're both 20.

I took her number last week when we finished our class and said we could hang out sometimes. She was happy to give it to me, I texted her so she knows it's me later that day. When we talked before I took her number, she said she's leaving town and going to her city until the next exam (which is in two weeks).

After a couple of days I texted with the intention of asking her out and I asked her if she's in my city any day the next week. She said that the plan was to stay at home until the next exam, but she's actually coming to see some theatre with her friend on Tuesday. I said to her that we would go out after that. She said that she will hear from me.

On Monday I texted her the location and time (I looked up when the show ends at 11pm and picked that time) when we would meet and she replied saying that it's all good.

On Tuesday she texted me 4 hours before the date that she only now saw how long the show will be (4 hours) and that it would be really late so she thinks it would be better idea to move it to another day and that she's really sorry.

I texted her: no problem, I'm in (my city) until Monday, text me if you have time before that.

She said: deal:)

Now my questions is if I threw the ball in her court too quickly? She looks like inexperienced girl and I don't think she will make a move to set up a date (as I said before when I took her number she said that she will go to her city until the exam, so if she came to see the show only for that day, then she's returing home, I think). What do you think I should do? I can't text her now that I threw her the ball, but I really like her and would want to hang out with her. Should I just play it cool and wait until I see her in person in 2 weeks?

>>40247040
I'm practically in love with a girl but I can't confess my feelings because I'm a fucking coward

>>40263561

good, because confessing feelings is the worst thing you could do if you want to get the girl

>>40263348
you're already overinvested in this girl. time to reign it in. if she contacts you cool, otherwise drop it.

>>40263580

why do you think so?

i got her number, i texted her to set up the date without all the bullshit, she accepted and couldn't do it because of legit reason i said i'm free until monday and she can hit me up. we have break right now so she's not in my city. i haven't texted her ever since.

2 years ago I met someone, as I was a looking for a place to live. We really hit it off, that was basically the closest friend I've ever had. We shared everything and I do mean everything. It was a rough two years but now she is moving away I am all alone and I can't even talk to her. We used to hang out all the time and just chill, talk vent and what not. We used to help each other with everything but now I am here, she doesn't even come out from her room when she is home. 10 more days until she moves out.

I am feeling like there is something really heavy in my chest and I just can't get it out. I really wish I could not feel this way, everything would have been easier but I do and it's really painful.

Sad part is that I can't tell her how I feel because her boyfriend is a close friend of mine and will result in even pushing her further away. This is killing me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am not ready to lose her.

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>>40247040

>studying abroad in China on a post-grad scholarship back in 2014
>meet a Japanese girl, didn't think much of it at first, went about my life
>month or so later was listening to a love song and all of a sudden she pops into my head and I associate every lyric with her, it hits me like a bolt from the blue, realize I'm completely in love with her
>was dating a girl at the time, so I didn't ask her out or anything
>over the next few months one of us would have a partner, we were never single at the same time, she'd break up when I had a girlfriend, she'd have a boyfriend and I'd breakup with mine, etc., back and forth
>she went back to Japan, I was staying in China for work
>we keep up communication over time through Skype and such, I know she likes me quite a bit from her mannerisms and the things she says, I can tell she feels strongly for me
>think about her every day, sometimes I whisper goodnight to her before I go to sleep even though I know she'll never hear it
>sometimes I have trouble falling asleep because I'm thinking about her too much, planning things I want to do with her next time I see her, places to go, things to see and so on
>she has to stay in/around Japan because her dad has fragile heath
>all her long-distance relationships have failed so I don't want to risk getting into one with her
>only way I can be with her is if I find someplace nearby where I can work and see her
>could go nearby with my current skillset but I hate my job and my negativity would inevitably make things sour
>decided to study for a law degree (something I'd actually like to do) so that I can work in Singapore and be close to her and finally take a shot
>applied to a host of top-tier schools that would allow me to practice law in Singapore
>currently waiting for the results (come out in late April)
>nervous as I've ever been in my entire life

I've been losing sleep over this. I'll be so goddamn happy if I get into Cambridge/NUS so I can have a chance.

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>>40248962

I'm sorry man. That's legit shit.

I think drowning myself in studying, gymming, going to parties has been my way of avoiding the confrontation of my mental and emotional problems. I think i have been doing it so much that its affecting my ability to make friends, sax drive, etc. I'm really hoping i do not have a mental illness and that this is just a product of lack of sleep and problems I have not found closure too

>>40248962
:(