/efg/ - Erotic Fiction General

this is a rough beginning to my story, mind you, i actually feel like I'm being conservative here.

http://pastebin.com/CRmxUjSK

I'm worried that this might be too uninteresting and I should get to the characters already.

>>7052240
OP, next time fix the links.

Add this to the smut lists:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ccAAmGecQiEE5ywZc4S4d1347WuMPEsF3DbSNAS4LRo/edit

Recent entries
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1i7J7K_YNvIemfZ7p4rYB7kJMdvzrqSeAuYkj_Bb9uyw/edit#gid=1806897118

And the discord link is outdated too, this is the working one.

https://discord.gg/vYwdHes

>>7052272

Which part of this am I supposed to fap to?

Between 10 - 20k words, more possibly if open, can be broke into pieces.

Tags: futa/femboy, trait theft, hyper, cock vore, indefinite imprisonment/entrapment, romance/betrayal

As far as the graphic nature goes - extremely smutty, and very perverse. post if you are interested and what your price range is.

synopsis: all of it cock vore and trapping people inside her balls.

Femboy/trap likes guy, is obsessed, female passing uses she
Confronts a woman the guy was hitting on, discovers cock vore
Femboy drains/steals most of her beauty and curves, Woman is trapped in the femboy's balls
Hits on guy, fails, ends up swallowing two other women
Tries again, fails, notices the guy is dating a femboy
Swallows up the other femboy, stealing cock size and gains 2nd set of balls
Forces guy to date her or she won't release his lover
Femboy becomes bored with the guy and his attempts to make her cum out his lover
Goes to dinner with guys mom, who is very curvy, femboy notices she has a hot boyfriend
Boyfriend hits on the femboy, who is receptive, mom and guy hate it
Femboy swallows the guys mom, absorbing her massive curves, and has sex/docking with boyfriend
The guy gets mad, but is swallowed up by the femboy, who gains her 3rd set of balls by doing so
Time passes and the woman is growing bored with her new boyfriend, and all those she's imprisoned yearn to be free

>>7052303
Are you that same guy who made the previous commission?
I'm not offering to do it, just amused by your tenacity, you're gonna end up with a whole library of that shit.

>>7052314
I have yet to get any commission for this, probably going to be the last time I post it.

>>7052314
He didn't commission the story he posted in the last thread, he just wants someone to write another like it.

>>7052303
>Time passes and the woman is growing bored with her new boyfriend, and all those she's imprisoned yearn to be free

/d/ always manages to surprise me with just how ludicrous some of this shit can get

>>7052328
I have a similar story but with unbirth, but it's pretty vanilla and milfy

There is something about a woman or duck girl containing/dominating other individuals and taking the best parts of them, while they remain aware and trapped, being taunted and pleasuring their captor.

>>7052330
>I have a similar story but with unbirth, but it's pretty vanilla and milfy
I'd like to see it

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>>7052330
>it's pretty vanilla
>duck girl
>unbirth

Ok now I just want to see where this goes.

>>7052339
Was a typo, and that story wasn't about a dickgirl. I'm on my phone, il post it when I get home.

It's about a woman who goes on a dating sight and meets up with a guy with a mommy fetish. She unbirths him, he doesn't want to leave, and her face clears up, she thickens and becomes thicker and sexier, so she keeps him. Two weeks later, she meets up with a guy while shopping at a mall, she has a quickie with him and unbirths him as well, against his will. She again grows thicker. can't remember what else, but at the end she has 4 guys inside of her and she's out on a date with her next victim.

>>7052347
Ok, but now I'm sorely tempted to write "Quack me off".

>>7051062
>http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
I actually feel pretty bad for Dennis. He's in a real bad spot. Also the Regent is just using him. She's kind of an asshole for doing so too. If she paid any attention to human culture she'd know that she's not doing something exactly bueno.

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>>7052366
i somehow missed this update but now i gotta go to bed
fug

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A scylla story: http://pastebin.com/Rn5PHSsk

Tags: hetero, monster girl, octopus girl, tentacles, bar pickup, vanilla, graphic human on human violence, alternate history, in a more civilized and whiny age this would've been rape.

I think I might be taking a break from these threads for a while. It's been feeling too uncomfortable lately.

>>7052462
>I think I might be taking a break from these threads for a while. It's been feeling too uncomfortable lately.

Bit passive aggressive desu

>>7052462
I wouldn't worry about it, I think it was mostly just that one guy, who seems to have gotten it out of his system in the last thread.

>>7052486
About what?

>>7052518
About the thread feeling uncomfortable/arguing/drama.

>>7052486
Yes, that would be me, and I'm fine now.

Still taking vanilla requests, the ones I'm considering thus far from last thread are:

>How 'bout some gentle werewolf maledom in a public place like a park; a much bigger guy-wolf who's trying to be as gentle as possible despite his girl begging him to be rougher.
>something with Gabriel Angelos and Macha

Failing that, I'm bouncing a few ideas around in my head:
>succubus summoning by horny warlock goes wrong, summons angel instead someow, and she chooses to "redeem" him by allowing him to fuck her instead
>fae queen being pleasured by her kidnapped human "pet", who's been stupefied to the point he can't imagine saying no because fairy magic
And a few other things I haven't quite formulated yet. Maybe I'll set up a strawpoll to see which one I should do if I can't decide.

>>7052524
It's alright anon, we still love you.

>>7052524
Fucking fae are the worst. They're crazy assholes even when they're trying to help you

>>7052524
Yo, I said I would critique some of your old stories last thread and I'm working on it right as we speak. I read "To Serve the Queen", "Future Imperfect", and "Electric Sleep".

Here's what I thought of "To Serve the Queen": http://pastebin.com/jHuKftuq

The other two critiques are on their way.

>>7052527
It's all part of the fun there. Admit it, wouldn't you like to spend at least a couple of weeks in an ecstatic haze being used as a fucktoy by something so beautiful that you're half blinded when you look at her/him/it/whatever the fuck you're supposed to use as a pronoun?

>>7052533
Thanks.

>>7052527
I'm confused. Her darling pet has a much nicer home than if she hadn't adopted him.

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I've been doing a bit of world building recently, partly in preparation for a prequel adventure-style reader driven story I was going to call goblin quest.That project is a very distant possibility at this point, but some of you might be interested to read my spin on the fantasy races that I put in this world.

I've only finished five of them so far, the links to the full descriptions can be found with some general world information here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s384E945CgNizh55lY9i0GqqJgX1VvS-U33uSD8YpO0/edit?usp=sharing

It should be pretty clear that some of these are more thoroughly thought out by others, and that I have been ripping off Fenoxo and Breeding Season quite a bit. I've tried to cover all fetishes I have even a tangential interest in, but I'm open to suggestions for changes and additions.

Humans - Literally just people, but with about a 12,5% rate of perfect hermaphroditism

Fetish tags: vanilla, boring

Goblins - Small, green and exclusively female. Brilliant inventors, skilled alchemists and unashamedly cock-hungry nymphomaniacs.

Fetish tags: petite, shortstack, nymphomaniac, insatiable, aphrodisiacs, sex toys, massive insertions, cum play, cock hungry, momcest/sistercest

Satyrs - Mischievous, horned and hooved humanoids. Dedicated hedonists always planning their next orgy.

Fetish tags: orgy, gangbang, nymphomaniac, unclear genders, dickgirls, cuntboys, size difference

Taur - Three species in one, the voluptuous and motherly holtaur, the amazonian gortaur and the heiftaur shortstacks.

Fetish tags: huge breasts, lactation, caring. Holtaur - MILF, motherly, tall. Gortaur - femdom, amazon, giantess. Heiftaur - shortstack, adorable.

Selkies - Hermaphroditical half-octopi, solitary and territorial. Mute, obsessively romantic and monogamous.

Fetish tags: consentacles, multiple penetration, hyper pregnancy, cum inflation, lactation, monogamous, loving, femdom, aphrodisiac, addiction, mute, size difference

>>7052527
Agreed. The fae are worse than cancer

Alrighty so I gave Future Imperfect a read.

Good shit, reads almost like a published 40k novel. It covered a lot of the essental details without getting too bogged down by laboring over every possible facet.

It was interesting seeing an Eldar not just treating a human like like a petulant child like you pretty much see, well, all the damned time.

The sex was good, not too raunchy but detailed enough I was not getting annoyed by the lack of detail that plagues a lot of stories.

In fact if this story was longer you could easily turn this bad boy in a full blown novel. Too bad any kind of sex seems to be a no go with games workshop.

>>7052579
Is it accessable to non-40k fans? You make it sound pretty good but I don't know anything about 40k

>>7052596
I'd say its readable, but you will miss some things if you don't know the basics of 40k lore, and some more if you haven't played Dawn of War.

>>7052596
Eldar are space elves and just has arrogant as fantasy elves

>>7052596

The only thing that is gonna make you stumble is their pet name for humans. I have been reading and playing Warhammer since I was in highschool in 2001 and it still makes me fucking stumble every time they use it.

>>7052608
It's monkey with a "gh" sound at the end and a glottal stop after the first syllable. It's not hard.

>>7052608
It's not exactly a pet name, more a mildly derogatory term for our species in the faux-Gaelic eldar language. A dog-Gaelic pronunciation guide would be "Mon Kee" (Mon'Keigh), or for a more modern/internationalised/less completely obvious as a joke "Mon Kay". It's like how the Gaelic name Leigh is properly pronounced Lee though often pronounced Lay or Lei, especially in parts of the US and Canada.

>>7052462
I enjoyed it

>>7052533
>>7052535
This is for "Future Imperfect": http://pastebin.com/Q19TpKvy

I'll gladly answer any questions you have about my opinions, and explain how I came to them as best I can.

I'm an amateur writer myself, and so I'm hardly an authority on these things, but I can at least give you another viewpoint.

>>7052700
Much appreciated, anon.

Would you mind if I go and borrow your suggestions to edit into the fics?

>>7052727
I would be flattered if you did.

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Update, didn't have much time to write today but I managed to get 2500 words out.

New content starts at "She gripped his face in her furry hand, her claws pricking his cheeks"

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
Tags for this section:
>gentle femdom, blowjob, handjob, cuddling, group sex, spooning, kissing, light bondage, fur

Please tell me if you guys want to see more of the Regent and her guards, or if you'd like me to just move the plot forward instead.
Can go either way really, just depends on whether you guys like her and want more.

Also yay, this my first novel length story, just hit 40k words.

>>7052731

Just gonna quickly throw it out there. You might want to break this story up into chapters. It's getting very long to scroll down to the new stuff!

Honestly... I fucking love how manipulative she so the more of her pulling at his strings the better!

>>7052737
Oh for sure, when I've finished it I'll go through and chapter it all for the Ebook, I'll reupload the chaptered version to the Pastebin.

>>7052731
>regal, busty queen engaging in gentle femdom while ordering her guards to assist
Don't you dare cut that short.

>>7052731
>Greenland
It's always funny to think about how the guy/group who discovered Greenland and Iceland purposefully switched the names of the continents so people thought Greenland was the nice place to live while he took Iceland.

>>7052366
No reason to think she's not aware of what she's doing, but keep in mind she's still a borealan regardless of her fascination with humans. To them this could be a perfectly normal "business" offer. Human moral values need not apply any more than they do in the usual "the dominant party just takes what he or she wants through a show of strength".

>>7052731
>but it's all that I can do.”gul

Looks like the remnants of a sentence wasn't fully erased there. Besides that I would indeed like to see more of white and fluffy space milf. Dennis has earned some moments of relative relaxation and gfd rather than just being taken by force.

Have you considered revisiting Cola in the future, by the way? It seemed like you left the door open for future encounters before and I have to admit I was a little disappointed that D never got the opportunity for some payback such as antagonizing her in public where she would have to restrain herself. Some comedic relief from time to time would be nice. D in a more puckish mood might violate her personal space with a hug and sarcastically proclaim his gratitude for the great job she did protecting him while she's ready to go nuclear inside the helmet. Borealans are certainly strong and potentially dangerous to humans, but they still have jobs, tasks and orders given to them by their superiors. Perhaps a chance like the example given or something similar for a mischievous character to take advantage of times where there's no real threat of bloody retaliation?

I love femdom as much as the next guy, but I think it'd be nice if at least some of the time it was more deserved due to a character's actions, or if his normal role was that of being at the mercy of others for him to act out a little more as a symbolic measure of defiance or playfulness. The meal at the fishing village was great that way with Xhe being ordered to eat and the nod to it by Cola showing that those around them took notice.

Or I could be asking too much and unintentionally trying to armchair direct the story, in which case I apologize for overstepping. Either way, I appreciate the story so far and look forward to reading on, whichever direction it may go in.

>>7052823
Oh thanks for catching that, what a brainfart.

No, those are great suggestions, and I'm glad you liked Cola. If you feel like she should show up again I can certainly try and fit her in, having him get back at her is a good idea.

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>>7051473
>>7050251
>I'm not to familar with kobolds in general, but if someone would be willing to give me details about them, I'd like to try to give this a shot.
My preferred style is as anthropomorphic lizards, small semi-savages about 3 feet high at average with an instinctual knack for industry, though with a long list of quirks and eccentricities. Slightly hunched, covered in soft, smooth scales, snouts filled with lots of small teeth, thick egg-laying hips in the women (preferably with no mammaries, though having smooth fatty deposits on their chest is acceptable if you want them to have breasts), incredibly thick prehensile tails filled with enough muscle and sinew to crush a human's limb. Take from that what you will, interpretation is always enjoyable.

Thanks if you do give it a shot, and thanks again either way.

As an aside - which you absolutely do not have to use in any form, just some stuff I think is kind of cute - I'd imagined one of the kobold women would be the catalyst to the search for new blood, having gone out into the world to become 'cultured' and 'proper', coming back with some books she only half-understands and using big words neither she nor her family actually understands, but sound long so they must be right. Maybe bonding with their new slave as he is somewhat more 'noble' and cultured than she is used to, and knows to treat her as she thinks a lady should be treated.
The venturing family would be about 5-10 strong, with the extended family back home numbering in the many dozens (much to the new blood's dismay as the sheer numbers puts a strain on his system).

I tossed out an idea about a female paladin-in-training having to deal with full chastity and flirty partymembers some threads ago.
Did anyone choose to use that for a fic? If so i'd love to read the fic

>>7052862
Didn't see this idea - can you repost it?

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>>7052869
I'm not at my computer but I'll try to type it out from memory.

A young noblegirl paladin-in-training is sent out from her monastery to do good in the world. As a way to ensure she keeps her value as a political bargaining chip she is locked up in full chastity (probably with a enchantment to negate the need for toilet breaks). Of course she ends up with very sexy and/or flirty party members and she eventually gets more and more perverted as she seeks a way to get off.

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Just a question, I know what I like, but what sort of writing styles do other people find the most erotic? I hear 2nd person is largely disliked, but is there a consensus for a style that's largely liked? What about the best pacing, and focus of the story? Is it more erotic if all the physical actions are laid bare and the reader is given the opportunity to assume the characters' feelings, or is it better to make it a bit more internal and give some bias to the writing? I'll just give some super sloppy examples.

First person bias
>His hand slipped across my cheek, slow and measured. I could feel the calluses of his fingers scraping ever so lightly against my skin with every movement, heat and lust burning up inside me wherever he touched, I ached for him and I couldn't help but shiver when his hand reached the base of my skull.
Second person bias
>You must have expected his fingers to tighten, to curl through your hair and roughly yank your head back. You couldn't even bite back a moan like the whore you are, mewling for him to finally slap aside your faked resistance and fuck you raw like you deserve.
Third person, objective-ish
>The man held her there for a moment with his breath hot against her neck. He watched as she swallowed and panted in his grasp, and felt her pulse race under his lips when he finally lowered them to her neck.

>>7052579
can we get a link to Future Imperfect?

>>7052908
http://pastebin.com/NR9CzGDS

>>7052907
Third person objective is like a camera-view. It's good writing practice and works well for certain kinds of stories but misses what makes erotic writing special. You could just go watch porn and get the same thing.

Third person limited is where I would recommend most people start. You can do alternating viewpoints if the story calls for it, but do it on a chapter basis not just willy nilly.

Third person omniscient can be great if it's done right. However, with so many more options available in any given scene you have to be really thoughtful with how you show people's emotions - do you want to describe how one character sees another, or just jump into the other person's head and give us their thoughts directly?

Second person should be left for interactive stories or short scenarios only.

First person could be good but might be a little too intimate for the reader. I think it needs the right story concept to shine.

>>7052907
Personally, the first two read more erotically to me. I may be projecting but it seems like you were more into writing those two as well?

Honestly, I'm so fucking sick of the 2nd person haters. Literally every time someone posts a story written in second person someone bitches "wahhh you shouldn't do that." Fuck that. After reading some quest threads I've started to embrace the perspective as a good medium for storytelling if people would just give it a chance and pretend to be someone else for a while.

But, of course, I am but one anon in a sea of bile. Still, know you'd have at least one reader if you decided to go with second person.

>>7052926
The problem with second person is that it usually makes the main character into a non-character. This can be fine for porn but it doesn't lend itself to a great story overall.

>>7052524
>>something with Gabriel Angelos and Macha
This.

>>7052929
I suppose that's more of a problem with a certain style of story rather than a style of writing, where it's used more for self-insert sort of stuff. I guess it'd be harder than the rest to actually give character's actual features instead of blank slates, but I thought >>7052907 did okay to make it erotic and put a little bit of flavour in it with two sentences. I'll second the other anon, I'd read more if they decide to write more in second person.

On that note, I've got a request if anyone is taking more vanilla ones. I really love it when superhuman figures let their guards down to be human for a moment, so I'd like to request two characters, maybe an angel or demon or mythological creature or what have you, being cutesy cuddly with each other. Just taking a step back from what they are and relaxing together, talking about all the mundane stuff while they play. Hugs and kisses and shopping lists and annoying bosses and pesky adventurers. Stuff like that.

>>7052843
Okay, thanks for letting me know, friend. Definitely gonna give it a shot. This months gonna be crazy for me but I'm gonna be writing up a god damn storm this month so look forward to it.

>>7052907
I generally prefer writing in 3rd or 1st person. But between the two of them, 3rd person would be my pick. I feel like I can express anyone and everyone's thoughts and actions better through this.

I don't hate 2nd person actually. It can still be enjoyable and in a way directly involves the reader in the story. Using "you" in the sense of the reader can be involving, which is something I'd like to try in the future.

>>7052926
I'm not very familiar with quest threads but they definitely sound interesting.

>>7052363
Are ducks native to Florida? Could this be the sequel to Lock Croc that everybody (?) has been asking for?

>>7052960
It is your D.estiny

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>>7052941
I think we need more detail about said characters or a recommendation on two already established characters before a good story could be written for this.

>>7052952
>I'm not very familiar with quest threads but they definitely sound interesting.
Heh, they're usually not (there is a bit of a reason they got kicked off to their own board) but when they're good, they're really good. Some RPG games also use the same second person style. Maybe this made me less allergic to it than most.

Whatever perspective you choose to use, I think it will be fine, judging by the writing samples you've posted. Looking forward to seeing your work!

>>7052960
>corkscrew penises
>native to Florida
Honestly, I'd believe it, but I don't think so.

I did just see my very first millipede in my house while renting a house down here though. And the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandhill_crane is a protected species here, so they just randomly wander across our roads sometimes. Listen to the recording. I cannot believe we have forbidden such an annoying animal from killing. We definitely have some weird ass fauna.

>>7052731
If earth doesn't work out. There are always other planets too.

You better give us more the Regent. I don't really care if the guards stay or not.

>>7052980
Maybe I'll give them a shot.

>the writing samples you've posted
Are you referring to the shygirl and Silent Hill nurse stories? If so, thank you for the encouragement! I'll do my best! (even if you didn't mean those, thanks)

For now, heading to bed.

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>>7052980
>I think we need more detail about said characters or a recommendation on two already established characters before a good story could be written for this.
I thought I'd keep it open for people to put in their own ideas, I'm afraid I'm not very good at making characters. I just thought I'd ask for a little scenario, so if anyone else has any recommendations or character ideas, they'll be better than anything I'd come up with.
>And something from my smexy ladies folder because I feel like I'm wasting posts if I'm not posting something interesting

>>7052700
>>7052727
And last but not least this is the one for Electric Sleep: http://pastebin.com/N3by7RKG.

Overall I really liked exploring your work and I feel kinda silly for not doing it earlier. I hope you gained something from my critiques.

My last advice to you would be to write a short story from an objective perspective with a focus on dialogue. I think that would help you get out of your comfort zone of long internal monologues and develop some other skills.

This idea >>7052941 is actually a great opportunity for that. For a humorous spin you could write two dragons (or trolls or something else big and predatory) bickering as a wife and husband are wont to do while some human prisoners look on. Write it from the perspective of one of the humans, but put the focus on the monsters and their argument.

>>7052731
More regent.

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kind of jelly that dennis gets to sit in pricillia's lap.

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Trying to do one a day again.

tried to take my time on things, plan things out, make nice lines, so I'd have something I'd consider worth sharing.

i fucked up two things in nine hours and then did something in an hour, that still managed to be better than what i had tossed out. ._.

https://imgur.com/a/70Fll skaven rat dude x woman, because why not

any day now I'm gonna burst open like a big dumb caterpillar, and become a beautiful, talented, rat smut producing butterfly.

>>7052926
The reason it works for Quests is that they're interactive; evolving with the player's input.

>>7053334
and quite a few have drawings to go along with the quest

>>7053224
What's going on in there ?

>>7053339

something like this
https://youtu.be/ADGWPorwkYg

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>visiting the polar Borealans

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>>7052731
I've given my bit of critique before, but I've got some more after getting up to date with this, if you don't mind.
Aside from the odd grammar or spelling mistake (fowl juice), and the points I've given before (lurching sentence structure, impersonal storytelling), some things that stood out to me.

First, everyone has a frankly jarring way of speaking in a very objective fashion, most notably when they're describing themselves. For example:
>"My people have lived there for a very long time, long enough to diverge into a distinct race. We are adapted to the cold, we can no longer live comfortably in the deserts. Our insulating fur would cook us alive..."
People will usually try to cut out as much information from their speech as they can, because we honestly don't need it - brevity is the soul of wit, and all that. Allusion and context provides a good portion of information, as does non-verbal communication, and unless the person believes what they're saying is important enough for their speech to be measured and thought out, they wouldn't extrapolate on their points unless prompted.
Similarly, people don't define individual parts of themselves as separate from the rest unless it absolutely cannot be inferred otherwise - everything is part of one whole. We don't say "If I touch the flames, the heat will burn away the fatty tissue of my fingers", we say something more like "I'm going to get burnt if I touch the fire".
As it is, everyone speaks like they're tour guides reading from their script. As a very rough example of what the above example might be better looking like:
>"My people have lived there for too long," she sighed, "we are not the same as our equatorial brethren anymore. We cannot bear the heat beyond the poles, and if we left them outside of the eclipse, we'd be cooked alive..."
Just try to break up those times when someone describes things exactly as they work, work a little of their bias into the way they speak.

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>>7053440
>Continued
Secondly, Dennis as a character doesn't react like a character. He's been jumped by at least three amazonian cat aliens within the span of a few days, and yet he keeps chugging along as if they never happened. He's such a limp noodle that he barely even acknowledges them happening beyond a few throwaway thoughts later on in the story; no stiffness in his interactions or odd behaviour with other potential attackers, he just goes on to ogle the next overly busty broad that flings herself at him. He's got all the lasting personality of a dead fish, and it shows in the sex scenes when he barely reacts to getting pinned down by a murder machine half again as big as him, and only then to wonder "Hmm, do I ACTUALLY want this to stop?".

I want this story to just slow down and take a breather. You've been pushing it along trying to cram in as much exposition as you can into it, now's the time where you take a step back from that and show exactly how Dennis has changed in his short stay. Have him stay with the regent, have him actually interact with her and her cronies, even if its only to discover a Borealan's soft spots while he's trapped beneath her. Have him talk to her about things, not to show off some part of Borealan culture, but to build a relationship between the two. Anything to show he's a nuanced character who can stand on his own two feet without being pulled around by plot contrivances.

All that said, I thought the scenes with the regent were enjoyable for the majority of them. Your style of writing actually sort of lends itself to a struggling narrator, where the longer and not exactly connected clauses give a certain fractured quality to his thoughts, where he's of two minds about what's happening to him.

>>7053027
That's not a bad idea. I'll have to try that sometime. I'll be sure to post it here, of course.

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>>7053440
>>7053449
Wow, that's probably the most insightful feedback I've ever gotten, now that you've pointed those problems out they're immediately obvious to me.

I guess I am too concerned with having characters spout exposition, without really taking the time to consider how that specific character would deliver it.
Maybe I'll try writing down what I want a character to say in notepad, and then take a moment to think about how that character might deliver it before I actually put it in the story.

>I want this story to just slow down and take a breather.

Well your criticism is timed well, I have a perfect opportunity right now to try and implement it, I'll try my hand at slowing it down and having him interact with the Regent in a more natural way, have him reflect on what has happened so far.

Thanks for taking the time to give feedback.

>>7052737
>>7052776
>>7052983
>>7053124
>>7053385
>>7053207
Ok, it's unanimous, more Regent.

>>7053224
>tfw you get raped by Zaat

>Borleans act so arrogant and prideful
>when we're trading them junkers just to use their soldiers on the front line
>they constantly threaten dennis even though we'd nuke their entire race out of existence if they killed an ambassador
literally monkeys

>>7053224
Inkerrr!!

You taking any requests?

>>7052240
I'd like to get some feedback on this. Posted it some threads ago but no one said a word about it. Even if it's garbage, don't be shy about it. I want to hear something, anything.

Hardly Adamantine:
>tags: drow, dark elves, femdom, chastity, D&D
http://pastebin.com/yHnydKjp

Got distracted from the story I was working on when I finally go the inspiration to finish a different one I've been working on for quite a while. It's a male-on-male, size fetish story that's about 90% sex. I know this one's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, so feel free to skip it if it doesn't interest you. (But I'd appreciate C&C if you do read it.)

Roommates
By Parallax
Tags: M/M (Yaoi), Size Play, Giant Male (Gentle), Excessive Cum, Submission
http://pastebin.com/ZZHvnXff

>>7053941
Oh sweet, you aren't dead.
I have no interest in m/m so I'll have to wait for you to get back to Iron Oxide. Shame since all those other tags would usually be my bag.

Dear /efg/.

I have rather unusual question, but I was unable to find it out myself.

Does anybody know any erotic stories about full body bodypainting or contortion? Those are probably pretty rare, but I was wondering, if you guys knows any.

Also, whenever I search about "transformation" rrlated stories, I rarely encounter one of my favorite kind - "science" related (experiments and such) with volunteer subject. How should I search and where, to find such stories?

Thank you for help!

>>7053989
Yeah, I'm still here. Work has been almost literally killing me lately, so I haven't had time to do any writing. But today I had the time and inspiration to finish that one, so I had to strike while the iron was hot.

Iron Oxide is still coming along, I'm just having trouble getting through the transition into the sex scene. I'm trying not to make it too forced, and I'm thinking I might need to add another chapter of slice-of-life and buildup. It just doesn't feel natural with the mental state the MC is in at the point the story is now. I was saving a scene for a later chapter of the MC meeting with the paper elemental girl's bf and having a discussion about their weird sex life, but I might work it into the current point to plant the idea that humans can have a sexual relationship with an elemental.

>>7054010
You could leave that scene where it's planned to be, and have a less explicit coffee shop type discussion between those two at this stage. Jumping right in to discussing freaky bedroom antics with your roomie's friend's boyfriend might be awkwardly abrupt, and it could be an interesting exercise in both conversational writing/character illustration through their questions and choice/style of anecdotes, as well as supplemental worldbuilding, over the dynamics of how the paper elemental and her guy hooked up in the first place.

>>7052731
>Kisses him till he cums.
Jebus right in the fetish.

>>7053557
Make him struggle and try to fight against the regent.

>>7054218
I'm pretty sure he's going with a more gentle theme in this one.

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>>7054218
I got more rapey scenes planned for afterwards, don't worry. I'm only about 2/3 of the way through all the sex scenes I wanted to include.

Update, new stuff starts at "Dennis considered, biting his thumb as his face reddened at the prospect of spending two more days with the Regent."
(just hit CTRL+F and paste the sentence into the search field if you're having trouble scrolling, it'll take you right to it.)

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
>no new tags

>>7053941
Glad to see you're back, I hope you'll continue the elemental story.

>>7052462
>>7053891
>>7052913
Will take a look at these when I have time.

>>7053941
I quite enjoyed it, although I feel the sex got kinda repetitive. Anywhere I can find your other stories?

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>>7053891
Not the anon who said he'd look at it, but my own writing isn't going so well so I guess I'll just throw out some more shitty critique.
Let me preface this by saying that chastity and hard femdom aren't really my fetishes, so I can't tell you how your story compares to others of its kind, nor how arousing it should have been. I didn't get anything from it, but I'm certain others who do like this stuff will.

First, I'll congratulate you on having so few grammar and spelling mistakes; I don't remember anything being obviously misspelled, and apart from some pronoun confusion (his/him/her etc, sometimes got all mixed up, starting about halfway in), nothing really stood out to me as objectively wrong. Having so few errors in 5.25k words is commendable, so good work on that.

Now, onto the story itself. I will say that I find the style of description to be a bit un-erotic, where actions and thoughts are explained simply and without confusion, following the last without over-explaining any one movement above the rest. It seems a very grounded perspective, and while this is moving into personal preference and away from actual critique, I enjoy my smut to be a bit more flowery and emotional. I want to feel what the character is feeling, know what it means when they move a certain way or what it's like when they press themselves against another character. I want it to linger on things that are important to the character, see all the little things only they would see. If I want to know what's happening and little more, I'll watch porn, and if I want to invest a little more in a character to experience a world through their eyes, I'll read smut. That's not to say that you should compromise writing the way you enjoy writing to cater to me or other people who like it that way, just that it might pay to incorporate a little of that angle and loosen things up next time.

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>>7054540
>Continued
In terms of actual content, there were some oddities in the way the characters spoke and interacted with each other. They were measured and slightly grandiose in some parts and then:
>Umm, spare the strikes to his balls, okay?
It seems a little odd that these fantastical elfish women in an arcane and esoteric culture speak like highschool girls on and off between whipping the shit out of their husbands. Maybe something to refine a little, go through and make a touch more cohesive.

For the actual characters themselves, they could have done to feel a little more nuanced, but you did well enough with the word count you had and with so little flat exposition. Characterisation works best if you display it through the subtleties of their actions, rather than just up and telling the reader what their character is, and that's something I felt you were managing to touch on. If it were longer, you would have needed to actually devote some real space to defining each character, but for the length it was, there's enough in there to get an idea of who the main ones are.

I had some more points, but I've forgotten them, so I'll just cut it short here.
Summing up; it was crisply written, but had some distracting quirks and suffered from 'Fuck Her Right In The Pussy' syndrome - the focus is on the action, less so on the reaction, and everything feels slightly mechanical rather than sensational, if that makes sense. If I was into the content, I would have enjoyed it further, but as it is, it's simply a decent story and I don't have much more to say about it.

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I'm feeling a little burned out lately. Not sure why. I've got a story with a character who can arbitrarily do anything with magic, and somehow, I can only slowly grind it out.

The first entry of PWA was absolutely unreal to write. I got five thousand words in a single night. I couldn't believe it. Lately, it's not been nearly as productive. Maybe I need to take some time off, but... being on /efg/ has kept me writing regularly for a while, and you never get better unless you do it.

The latest PWA only got like 30 hits on my Pastebin. Then again, there is no cock growth in that entry. And that thread with the cock growth images where some thoughtful anon posted my first entry is now in the archive.

Maybe I've lost sight of the main purpose of this story: to satisfy that guy who posted "I humbly request cock growth smut," and I, as I do, decided to go about it in the silliest way imaginable.

Thank you for your kind words in the last thread, Snek. They do not go unappreciated.

Reposting for the hell of it - The Player Witch Augment 4: Hocus, Poke Us
http://pastebin.com/tCPmkVgh
>tags: male-on-female, female-on-female, huge cock, small cock humiliation, other humiliation, public nudity, large insertion, anal, magic
http://pastebin.com/tCPmkVgh

>>7053891
This story was very well written. That kind of violent femdom certainly isn't my thing, but you did a good job of portraying it as something other than outright cruelty. It's just how a normal drow relationship is, and I think it's a good interpretation of the race and their culture.

>>7054421
>Anywhere I can find your other stories?
I added my other works to the google docs link list.

> I feel the sex got kinda repetitive.
You're absolutely right. I had originally planned to split the story into two chapters, right before the shower scene to discourage people from reading it in one sitting, but I didn't feel the second part could stand on its own. If I'm not going to break it up, there's jut too much sex going on in one single chapter and it winds up being less exciting for that (That's a bad habit of mine).

I quickly made make one more pass at it and axed the middle scene (it was my least favorite, and probably the least important) to make it a bit more concise.

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Day 2.

>>7054540
>>7054546
Thanks for the lengthy critique.

It's interesting to hear that the actions and thoughts are clear, since I usually get the opposite feedback on my regular writing. And that it's simple, that's surprising too since again, my regular writing has been described as prose poetry(sometimes as "purple prose" too). Fascinating to hear that my smut is the opposite in this regard, I'll have to compare them to see why.

I do get the "unpersonal" part since that's usually a problem for me(I sort of started writing smut to practice it actually, since sexual things are so sensual almost by definition). I guess I could try to get into the head of a character and dive deep. For me the best way to achieve this is to write it in first person first, then convert it to third person limited. Somehow I get the best results from the senses if I do that(a hint for others too if they struggle with it).

Funnily enough, I sometimes get the "speaking like highschool girls" feedback on my regular writing too, so it obviously is a problem I'll have to look into, if even characters this different speak like that.

Now that you mention the characterization, it's true that it's strangely shallow in practice compared to the idea I have in my head. A lesson to learn then; what I think isn't necessarily the same as what I produce.

>>7054573
Thanks for the encouraging feedback. It's nice to hear positive comments on the writing, especially from someone who isn't into the fetish-part of the content. Now if only I could get feedback from someone who was into the fetish-part and I couldn't be happier.


I'll post the second part to the story after I've cleaned it up, and seen if I can adapt some of the comments(I wrote both parts a year ago and haven't really touched on them since). Obviously I'd like if anyone could comment on it as well, but I can't really complain after getting this much feedback already, so thanks again to the both of you.

>>7054702
yessss

The Discord invite is expired.

>https://discord.gg/x4Zxq

https://imgur.com/a/EUxFm gnoll x human woman

>>7052462
That was really cute. Well done.

>>7054912
Have we considered something like https://livebunker.rocks/chat/tg instead of Discord? I already use discord for gaming, it won't let you conceal your username, and I'd prefer to preserve my anonymity. Especially when discussing things of this nature when Discord's privacy policy is so bad.

>>7053891
>http://pastebin.com/yHnydKjp
>>7054703
>my regular writing has been described as prose poetry(sometimes as "purple prose" too)
I'm definitely seeing this in your opening paragraph:
>Unlike what many surface-dwellers might have assumed, life in the Underdark was quite similar to theirs. The drow, or dark elves as they were sometimes called, living in the great city of Dra'Eldrah shared all the same problems as their fair-skinned cousins. At present one such predicament was the focal point of the life of a pair of drow elves. While on the grand scale of things it most certainly wasn't anything worthy of being included in the city's annals, to them it was of supreme importance.
You don't need half these words. How about:
>Despite what many surface-dwellers might have assumed, the drow living in the great Underdark city of Dra'Eldrah shared all the same problems as their fair-skinned cousins. A soft light given off by scented candles illuminated Laele Vandree's bedroom. She and her husband were in the middle of their marital business - or rather, they should have been.
Keeps the gentle introduction to where the story is set, but gets right into the action and what the actual problem in question is.

Seconding what the other anon said, some of the wording is awkward and jarring compared to the surrounding mood:
>He soon did, and started to use his tongue on her, caressing the fold of her genitals.
>ran his tongue along Chadra's vagina
I can't think of a good reason to ever use these words in a smut story unless it's focused on a medical fetish. Try 'sex', 'folds', 'vulva', even 'flower' would be better.
>He can't get it up..."
Seems out of place with the formal speech of the drow you use elsewhere.
>Laele pussyfooted
Cue immature giggling. ("He said 'pussy'!") Tiptoed maybe? Minced?
>"Ye-yeah. He's great."
>"Ouch, wait up, my love. It hurts when my cock presses against the cage. I think I could get erect if it weren't for the damn thing,"

>>7052462
Very sweet. I didn't notice anything really worth pointing out, it's all well polished. Some of the speech was perhaps a touch too formal and grammatically correct in places, I found, considering the rest of their sailor-talk, but apart from that... The sex was well done, and the premise was charming, and I quite enjoyed it.

>>7053891
>>7054978
>She clearly loved her husband a great deal, something Chadra could understand. It had been extremely painful for her when her poor husband Nadal had been sacrificed to satisfy the hunger of the bitch goddess. She'd never forget it, and absolutely never allow something like that to happen to her friends.
This seems odd after you told us several times that it was considered a great honor. Even she said it:
>It is an honor. It is the same as when my dear Nadal was offered to the goddess.
If she really feels this way, maybe hint at it earlier? Perhaps have her "accidentally" speak wistfully of her late husband at the ladies' meeting or to Laele?

>A modicum of precum
You really like this word, I see. This is a nitpick, but it's very formal. I think it would be better saved for some of the drow dialogue.

>She sighed, then laid on the bed on her back. The linens were silky and smooth, soft and nice.
Combine these two sentences and cut the number of words in half. Try to find a middle ground between the too-short length and simplicity of these sentences, and the almost run-on long sentences in your first paragraph. Doing so will cut down on the mechanical quality of your prose.

>they started having casual conversation
What about "they relaxed into casual conversation/gossip"? One of the things that makes your prose seem so mechanical is that you use many "then/started/soon/" time words. Try to use these only when absolutely necessary next time. Often they can simply be replaced with "and." For example, in:
>Chadra went back to her robe that lay on the floor, then rummaged through the pockets.
I believe giving us a less-timestamped account of events will help your prose flow more smoothly.

>>7053891
I am a poor grammarian, but the lack of errors did help the story. Your world building and characters seemed down to earth.

I must say as someone who likes femdom, but hard S&M you did a good job keeping me interested .Not many authors can do that.

>>7054540
My thoughts are similar to this.

The actual smut is what I believe needs the most work.
Your crisp writing style is perfect for an action or comedy story, but does not lend itself to what is actually erotic slice-of-life.

In a story where sex is the main focus perhaps more evocative details are needed.

>She stroked her fingers across the loose member, licked it, sucked his testicles.

Honestly most of the smut that has stood with me after I read it usually goes into more detail and makes this act 2 paragraphs of evocative language.

I must admit I would have liked to hear the story narrated from Chadra's perspective since she seems the most complex character.

>>7053891
>>7055004
>"Your limp wrists remind me of your husbands limp cock. They mirror them in fact. A limp wrist leads to a limp cock, a rigid wrist to a rigid one."
>"Now, you may use just one finger and only at the speed at which an aboleth crawls on land," Chadra instructed.
Nice! I like most of her dialogue. Except for:
>"Isn't that almost a nice firm penis already?"
pls no, stay away from the clinical words. I've been meaning to compile a list of good synonyms for sexual parts, but here's a few, most of which you're already using: "cock" (best here, I think), "erection" (still pretty clinical, use sparingly), "dick", "arousal", "length" "manhood", "member", "shaft", maybe even "phallus". Some might disagree, but I'll alternate in "prick" if I've overused the previous list.
>"Please, do not act independently."
Seems a really weird thing for one drow female to say to another. "Do not interfere" might be better here?

I do want to touch on what the other anon said about characterization and confirm: I felt like Chadra was the most fleshed-out. Laele was pretty good (but I have trouble believing she'd have survived as a drow woman this long), however, we hear literally nothing from the male except for the behavior of his cock. On second thought, I actually really like this, as it conveys the disregard of males in drow society, and I assume it's also intended to help us self-insert as his character. In other words, I thought your characterization was good and appropriate for the length of the piece.

>Her stinking anus periodically plunged at his nose, another thing she didn't realize until later on when she got disgusted at the thought as it must have been absolutely disgusting and degrading for him.
This seems unusually raunchy compared to the tone of the rest of the story.

>>7053891
>>7055046
>She chose a gentle silk whip to begin with.
As someone into BDSM, this took me out of the story a bit - I've tried silk and never found it to work at all. It's simply too light and flexible. Unless it was braided, maybe? If you're not speaking from experience, consider substituting a leather flogger here instead - the ends generally are not knotted, and you have to swing it extremely hard in order to leave bruises. It's more of a slow, "thuddy" pain than the sharp, stinging pain of a whip.

Some grammar/spelling mistakes I noticed:
>duties as husband
either 'as Husband' or 'as a husband' here
>fruitless administrations
ministrations
>murmurred
>The wife ought be tempered as well.
ought to be
>now naked
I'd put a hyphen here, but...
>non-sense
not here.
>well being
I think this is typically hyphenated too.
>cat'o'nine'tails
no apostrophe between nine and tails
>nice red velts
welts
>Its for his own good
It's
>Chadra forced the whip to her
forced the whip into her hands
>He groaned greatly
loudly
>Lloths pact
Lloth's
>I had this especially made
a bit awkward. "Especially made for you" or "custom-made"
>it lost it's luster
its
>Good job Laele.
job, Laele
>waited in the previous manner as before. Roped to the bed and blindfolded
before: Roped (You have a few sentence fragments like this. Most of the time I think they have been acceptable and useful for conveying a character's thoughts, but try to use colons where appropriate, like in this case, where you're describing a fact.)
>She liked modicum and temperance.
moderation
>rhytmical whipping
>to induce and effect
an effect

Overall, very well done! Make your prose less mechanical and I think it would be close to perfect.

>>7055048
>>7055022
>Honestly most of the smut that has stood with me after I read it usually goes into more detail and makes this act 2 paragraphs of evocative language.
But this is early on in the story, and her efforts aren't particularly effective, right? I think the lackluster description communicates their boring sex life pretty well.

Also, I assume the author isn't into this part, but more into the femdom, BDSM, and chastity aspect. With that in mind, though, I would advise going into more detail on the cunnilingus parts. Talk about how he worships her cunt, the taste, the smell, fluttering his tongue over her clit, etc.

>I must admit I would have liked to hear the story narrated from Chadra's perspective since she seems the most complex character.
Absolutely agree.

>>7054957
You can change your screen name as needed. And it's not like any of us will tattle on you, is it?

>>7055167

It's all still linked to the same identity though.

Not the guy you're replying to but Discord is awful for keeping identities separate from each other when compared to something like IRC.

Why don't we have an IRC channel?

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>>7055167
You do realize you're posting on 4chan, the website that inspired the word 'doxxing', right? Paranoia is never a bad habit to have.

>>7055174
IRC reports your IP for everyone to see, and I'd rather not have to proxy in all the time. It's essentially not anon.

>>7055179

Still quite a bit of work to link that IP to another identity, especially if it's dynamic.

>>7055179
We technically did have an IRC back in the old days, but it was rarely used even then- most of the time we just used Flockmod, but that's dried up since Cuteanon left.

I'm the IRC's moderator, and even I can't remember the last time I ever bothered to use it.

Plus, you can't share pictures on IRC.

>>7055203

>cuteanon

Holy shit I remember that guy, he was great

RIP, I guess

>>7054570
got links and tags for the other parts?

>>7055241
>>7054570

I'd also be interested in those. You should add them to your entry on the smut index: https://1d4chan.org/wiki//tg/%27s_Smut_Index#D.27s_fics

>>7054978
>>7055004
>>7055022
>>7055046
>>7055048
>>7055055

Interesting to hear about the mechanical quality of my writing in such detail, didn't really think about it like that before. I'll look into it. I have had problems with descriptions at one point, but I thought I was over them already. Although I suppose it could be that I didn't rewrite the piece and it is from a year ago originally. I'll keep it in mind.

English isn't my native language so I didn't even consider that I was using medical terms either, I'll be sure to take that into account from now on. It's good to see feedback on the awkward language and phrases I might use, too, since it's really not something I can research by myself that easily.

>>7055055
>But this is early on in the story, and her efforts aren't particularly effective, right? I think the lackluster description communicates their boring sex life pretty well.

Unfortunately in this case it's actually because of my poor descriptive skills rather than a conscious choice I made. The invisible line between what I think in my brain, what I write on paper and how I read what I have written, vs how other people read it is a thing I often struggle with. The scene as it unfolds in my mind is never the same as how it does with other readers, and it's especially hard to see when I've described something too little. As a reader, I tend to gloss over descriptions in other people's works too and just have a prejudiced idea of what's going on. I care very little about the fine details, to me the thing that matters the most is the general idea of what's happening, rather than the specifics. (which is why this is good exercise for me)


I'm not entirely sure what all of you are meaning by "narrated from Chadra's perspective". It is from her point of view, limited third person. How can I make it more from her perspective? Or do you mean that it should relate to her own life more than the pair she's helping?

Thanks for the great feedback everyone.

>>7055217
what ever happened to him?

>>7055295
No idea. He just vanished without a trace.

>>7055264
Hey, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings or anything. I only reviewed in such detail because I thought the piece was very good and deserved more concrete examples of where your writing felt mechanical. I'm surprised to hear English is not your native language.

Honestly, I thought your lack of detail worked very well for the plot parts of the story, but yeah, you may want to go a bit more detailed on the sexual parts.

Narrating from [xyz's] perspective in third person limited means we only know what happens in the world if that character is there to observe it. So, narrating from Chadra's perspective would mean the story would start with Chadra at the drow ladies' meeting and hearing about Laele's problem, and she wouldn't know about how Laele used her husband's mouth as a dildo holder except how Laele told it to her.

So, as it is now: Laele's perspective: Lines 1-41, lines 123-159
Chadra's perspective: Lines 43-121, lines 161-end.

Honestly I think it still works well as it is currently, because it gives us some fun insight into how Laele plays with her husband in between Chadra's "lessons".

Perhaps we're more commenting on the fact that Laele is a weaker character - do the segments where she is the viewpoint character tell us about her feelings and personality as often as Chadra is telling us about her feelings and personality in her speech and her thoughts?

It's either that, or we may just be empathizing with and liking the stronger, crueler character automatically. At least, I might be...

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>>7055241
>>7055251

I didn't post the others because I thought it'd be obvious to go from the page where that story was to my name... but then I remembered that the stories are unlisted.

I'm a silly man.

The Player Witch Augment
http://pastebin.com/bPDQRrM1
> tags: cock growth, huge penis, small penis humiliation, masturbation, exhibitionism, witchcraft, futa, autofellatio, walla walla bing-bang

Player Witch Augment 2: Paranormal Virility
http://pastebin.com/Fnfk6knG
> tags: cock growth, huge penis, small penis humiliation, lots of come, eating come, come in food, witchcraft, exhibitionism, autofellatio

Player Witch Augment 3: Sometimes They Come On Your Back
http://pastebin.com/tE2wtWGg
> tags: cock growth, huge penis, small penis humiliation, oral sex, premature ejaculation, eating come, witchcraft, exhibitionism, female-on-female, female-on-futa, handjob

Are my tags useful? I'm not sure. I'm no good at summarizing what my stuff's about.

>>7055295

The last we heard he said something about going to sample ice cores in Greenland, I guess internet there is a bit of a problem

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Warhammer 40k story is kill. Anyone wanna take up the mantle?

>>7055369
Why not take the plunge and do it yourself? It seems you're enthusiastic enough about the concept to do it, and another writer is always appreciated.

Are there any xcom stories without sneks?

>>7055369

What story?

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>>7055392
SOB realizes that space marines are about as close to the emperor you can get and decided she wants to get fucked. SOB becomes progressively sluttier and cock-worshiping in an attempt to get more marines to fuck her. (staring in showers>flashing>masturbating>etc).

Someone was doing some pretty sweet art for the story too. Pic related.

>>7055390
Kitty wrote two.

http://i.imgur.com/5tiUJoV.png
http://i.imgur.com/otIAq2d.png

First one is a threesome with a Berserker, the second one is gay sex with a Sectoid.

>>7055304
All of the feedback was strangely considerate. I admit that I'm thin-skinned(a very bad trait for writers), but I was more surprised than anything at the positive comments. I didn't really see anything that I considered to be truly negative, just constructive. Which is great. Concrete examples are always better than vague stuff, if they can be given.

>Narrating from [xyz's] perspective in third person limited means we only know what happens in the world if that character is there to observe it. So, narrating from Chadra's perspective would mean the story would start with Chadra at the drow ladies' meeting and hearing about Laele's problem, and she wouldn't know about how Laele used her husband's mouth as a dildo holder except how Laele told it to her.
Ah, so that's what you meant about the perspective. I believe I switched the perspectives around after double line-breaks or such, but still kept it at 3rd limited for a given character. That was the intent anyway, if I slipped then that's different.

I do get the point that Laele is more shallow. Probably because enjoyed writing Chadra quite a bit more, as far as I remember. The second part is actually completely from Chadra's POV.

Anyway, I'll see what feedback I can incorporate into the second part, then post it here. It'll be a day or two, at least, I figure.

>>7055530
>>7055304
>>7055264
would you two just fuck already, where are we reddit? oh im so sorry if i hurt your feelings a-anon-kun... if someones feelings get hurt, fucking GOOD, that weeds out the weak cunts who shouldn't be here

jesus christ

>>7054006

Please respond ;_;

>>7055563
Who peed in your pastrami?

>>7054924
>>7053332
I missed the last thread, but it's good to see you're still around and drawing. The gnoll picture's pretty interesting - have you thought about doing something with Beastmen?

>i fucked up two things in nine hours and then did something in an hour, that still managed to be better than what i had tossed out.

Art's like that, no matter the format. Sometimes you can slog away at something for ages and make a real hash of things, then get a flash of inspiration and rattle off something you're happy with in a fraction of the time. So long as you still feel like you're making progress, don't sweat it.

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2000 word update, new content starts at "When she was confident that he was clean enough, she lifted him off the ground and placed him beside her on the couch"

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
>no new tags

>>7055604
I think the lack of response means no.

>>7055730
I'm beginning to really like the polar regent. Like one of the characters I like the most you've written. I don't even know her name yet either.

Here's hoping for more gentle dom stuff and hopefully some focus on her massive mammeries.

>>7055730
Big Spoon master race

Can I commission a writer for a story involving women transformed into shemales and then being humiliated and insulted because of it?

>>7054006
Shit, meant to post this earlier.

Sorry, I don't. The contortion part seems interesting though! Always envied those men and women who can have sex in bizarre positions or even just do the splits.

The willing TF stuff seems more common - you've tried looking through the archive, right?

If nothing there fits the bill (I see mostly rape associated with TF, so I'm guessing not), why not throw out a request?

>>7055390
There are. Cooked wrote one: http://pastebin.com/sSMfptN3
Tags: F/F, Futa/F, Consensual Tentacles, Futafication, Lesbian sex, Masturbation, Cunnilingus, Messy, Alien goo
^ Odd, I remember less futa in that one.

What are you looking for? I might be open to requests if it catches my interest.

>>7055730
I think this is like the third time Dennis asked and was told why the polar Borealens can't leave the northern are of the planet.

>>7055730
how high could a borlean jump on earth?

and are they gonna get dumped in some isolated part of the arctic with zero human interaction, or a small town in alaska?

Here's a part-request-part-worldbuilding-help thing. I've got an idea that I think could be pretty neat, but it's just an idea right now, and it'd be cool if I could get some people to help me flesh it out and build a world or a story around it.

All I've got so far is basically, two partially parasitic races, mistakenly considered to be the same race with extreme sexual dimorphism by outsiders; both are mono-gendered and require the use of other species to breed, though they've evolved to breed with almost anything as long as it uses sperm. Both converged to use mimicry to lure in potential mates through imitated mating calls and pheromone trails, though after that the two use different methods to get a lay. Both would take minor genetic patterns from their hosts to help keep them viable, but would still be essentially the same creature.

The female part of the 'race' I imagined as being slightly reptilian, or maybe similar to camouflaging cephalopods, laying lures and hiding until a male came along before ambushing it as a pack and milking it dry, usually eating it afterwards. Offspring are always female, and are raised by the pack, occasionally splitting off to form new packs. Their vagina's would have to be incredibly flexible to properly fit things multiple times bigger or smaller than them, maybe being prehensile or with grabbers to keep struggling or uncompliant prey working. Snake-like tongues and pheromone pouches would detect the closest animal in heat and allow them to reproduce it's scent, leading unwary males to their dens.

>>7056234
The male part would be far more solitary and mammalian, more of a solo hunter than an ambush predator and big enough to hold down most of the animals it preys on. It'd use mimicry as well, but using (copied, like a lyrebird) mating calls to lure away females to breed from the herd it's tracking, and eating the males to help reduce competition for its young. Its own offspring would be raised by the mothers until they could split off to repeat the cycle again. Its penis would similarly have to be quite variable in size to match its prey, also possibly with feelers/grabbers on the end to help hold its prey still, and unlike its female counterpart would need an incredible libido to impregnate as many hosts as possible in as short a time.

As both species began to find their territories crowded out by bipedal sapients, they both found new prey amongst the humanoids and very, very slowly began to hybridise into something sapient after repeated breeding with the same stock, eventually finding themselves working together to survive, and finally becoming a distinct culture of its own.

What I'd like some help with is figuring out what a world would look like for such creatures to exist, what the creatures themselves would look like, and what their culture would be like and how it'd interact with other sapient races. Again, any help or outside ideas are cool, and if someone comes up with an idea to use them in a story, extra cool.

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Currently working a set of stories for October, scary monster women, demon and otherwise not completely human species or characters of the sorts.

Its a work in progress but I'll fix any issues and have it complete it tomorrow. Any and all criticism is appreciated.

An Unholy Union: http://pastebin.com/rQjBRELM
Male Human X Bubble Head Nurse

Tags: Silent Hill, bubble head nurse, marriage, caring, love, pregnant/knocked up, impregnation, rape, lactation, huge breasts, thick/big cock, creampie, anal, male domination

>>7052843
I haven't forgotten about you either friendo, still gonna hit your story, just have a lot on my plate, but hyped to get it.

>>7056273
more

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>>7056273
I usually try to be as tactful as possible, and I know it's a WiP, but god damn son. I'd honestly love to just edit the hell out of your work. As there's seriously too much to properly critique at the moment, here's some nitpicks off the top of my head:

Most sentences are awfully bloated from where you've crammed in as much raw information as possible without breaking it up into palatable chunks, and in places it looks like you've reworked or removed a section but left behind a few words that don't belong. As it is, a lot of sentences just do not make sense.
You also use the same words or phrases a couple times to describe the same thing (obscenely, hint of, etc).
The story frequently switches tenses, often shifting between past and present tense multiple times within even a single sentence - needless to say, this is immensely jarring.
In terms of style and content, it seems almost flippant at times, describing things overtly and then using a choice of words that completely throws off the feel the story might have had otherwise.

I'll withhold proper judgement for when it's finished and cleaned up, but in its current state it's pretty messy, even for a WiP.


>>7056236
>>7056234
I like the idea of a species using others as incubators/sperm banks, but it's an incredibly rough premise from the looks of it. I'd like to see if this goes anywhere, and I might do some thinking after I go through some other stories, if you want.

>>7055706

glad to see you! i know you like seeing what i put out, so that's always encouraging to know you're hanging around. last i saw you, you mentioned you were working on a few things; how's that working out?

i can do beastmen. anything in particular you've got in mind?

and yeah, art is hard. i feel like i'm figuring out some things more; i think ive got to rely less on plotting stuff out and rely more on feel; that at least gives things better flow (see: last kerillian quick sketch vs "real" attempt).

Anyone have that screen shot of the water elemental with the vore fetish?

>>7056367
YOU VERY CONSIDERATE HELPFUL PERSON!

Seriously, thank you for telling me a few of the things you didn't like. I just got really into writing and just kept going last night before bed (not gonna let that be an excuse for shoddy work however).

I'll start editing it soon while being mindful of everything you told me, plus rereading the story over for any other glaring mistakes that I didn't see.

But I'm extremely thankful for the helpful criticism. I want to get better, see where I failed at and do better so anyone reading my stuff can it my content. And I can't do that without learning about, accepting, fixing and improving on what I did wrong. Thanks again friend.

>>7056377
>how's that working out?
I've fiddled around with a few things but haven't really gotten anywhere, unfortunately. A lot of my creativity is going into running a nWoD game over Roll20, so preparing sessions is taking up a lot of the time and energy I'd otherwise put into writing.

>anything in particular you've got in mind?
I didn't have a particular request, it was mostly just curiosity. Since they're more upright and typically masculine than Skaven, but more human than something like a Gnoll, it might be an interesting exercise in body shapes, and the fluff pretty much states outright that they don't skip over the first half of 'rape and pillage'.

If you're looking for ideas though? Maybe an Empire hunter has an unfortunate run-in with a stray Gor while traveling through the Drakvald forest? She could be on her back with the thing looming over her, or pressed up against a tree being taken from behind. Could be pure non-con, or maybe she's paying a toll to get through his territory.

>>7054006
>erotic full body bodypainting
I'm not sure I understand. Is it the act of being painted that's meant to be the focus, or is it more like a tattoo fetish?

>Also, whenever I search about "transformation" rrlated stories, I rarely encounter one of my favorite kind - "science" related (experiments and such) with volunteer subject.
I'm sure if you throw out a request, someone will probably give it a go. Voluntary transformation is a favourite of mine, and scientific transformation is something all too uncommon. What sort of transformation are you after? Complete morphing of features, or just the mother of all Enlarge Your Penis Today! ads?

Could any kind anons point me towards some decent cum denial material? I could really use it

>>7056461

>nWoD game
o, that sounds cool. i dont know why i didn't know about roll20 before now. i guess i dont really know anyone involved in ttrgps much. :V

>hunter / gor
that sounds like a good concept. the "looming over her" angle is something i've tried to work with before but not had much success, but i think i can manage it now.

>>7056234
>>7056236
I like the sound of that.
Have you considered giving the males a knot, or giving the females backwards facing papillae that extend on penetration to stop the unwilling mates from escaping?
There are also many animals that use paralytic toxins to disable prey.

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>>7056763
Oh.
By the way, I kind of thought of something. The way you write some of the borealan smut scenes, it feels like their saliva has some kind of an aphrodisiac.

>>7056803
Aphrodisiac and pheromones are used quite commonly when dealing with beast races or aliens, I try to avoid it myself. Nothing especially wrong with it, but I feel like people expect it at this point.
Considered giving the Regent pheromones, but in the end I thought it would be better if she just smelled good.

>>7056810
if you want to go more hard-scifi, then you can consider having the alpha produce something like a queen ant does, that keeps all the workers subservient. It wouldn't work on humans ofc, because they're a different species

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Can anyone with an extreme cum fetish tell me what turns you on most about it?

>>7056810
>>7056822
Super good smell might as well be pheromones.
Now, try explaining why it works on humans.

>>7056839
It does [mundane thing beneficial to the species], (un?)fortunately humans are also receptive to it in a different way.

So its main use is to help repel the boreal biting fly or something.

>>7056839
Well the idea is she just smells good.
Smelling nice is an attractive trait.
No pheromones or biological trickery or anything.

>>7056856
Smelling pleasant to the opposite sex is a biological trick.

>>7056864
Nah I just mean in general.
For example flowers smell good to humans, but they're not trying to attract us.

>>7056868
Well then. We don't find the smell of flowers an attractive trait. Rather, it's a nice "oh that's pretty cool I guess" kind of thing.
Guess the borealans would smell pleasant in situations such as this, then? And not like they're trying to woo you into sex with their fragnant feminine smel..

>>7056868
>flowers smell good to humans, but they're not trying to attract us.
i've read stories that say different.

>>7055903
You got it.

>>7056082
Well this time was more about kittens falling down holes, but point taken.

>>7056157
Probably pretty high, and you'll see!

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Do breasts float?

>>7056977
They're like a bag of sand.

>>7056992
So they don't float? Ok, thanks.

>>7056977
Yes, they do. They're made of fat. Women in general float better than men since they have a greater percentage of subdermal fat.

Plus this has resulted in some hilarious trips to water parks when some of the girls with us didn't tie their tops particularly well.

>>7055179
Depends on the server. Rizon hides the most specific part of your hostname by default, and all of it upon request (using HostServ)

I've ran the /ddg/ channel with relative success for a while, so fuck it, registering another channel.

Server: irc.rizon.net
Channel: #/efg/

Web access: https://qchat.rizon.net/?channels=#/efg/

I'll be going to sleep momentarily but I can probably post a guide tomorrow for minimal information disclosure using Rizon

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Update, new stuff at "No great variation then?” She asked"

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
New tags:
>bathing

Wanted to write more but I gotta be somewhere tomorrow, I'll make it up to you with a gratuitous sex scene later.

>>7057002
I'll go with that for now, until I can figure this mystery out.

>>7057029
It's easily to google image search "do bobs float" and acquire plenty of documentary evidence.

like this one https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PH9zDD7E0EE/Tr27EGG6cSI/AAAAAAAAGg4/esoNemNjdsQ/s1600/floating-big-boobs.hhj.jpg

>>7056056
Commander x cock worshiping harem of female xcom characters/soldiers.

>>7056828
What does that mean? Excessive cum? It's a virility thing that doesn't interfere with compatibility in unintended ways. Giant cock? You can bullshit it, but it really shouldn't be able to fit and hitting the cervix is actually painful. Huge balls? The testicles only contribute ~10% to semen volume and the larger the balls, the easier it is for them to be crushed. Huge amounts of semen? You just fill more, cover more, have more to go around, etc. The cleanup is a little more intensive. That's the only downside. Well, that and dehydration. At some point, though, you start to wonder where all of it is coming from.

>>7057045
You could at least pick a picture of a girl that isn't fat.

>>7057226
She aint exactly petite but she aint a whale either.

I'd say it's more a lack of curve definition, she aint exactly showing much in the way of hips/ass there.

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>>7057226
It's mainly just a very unfortunate photo angle.

She looks better in this one https://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp472qdrfg1qcru98o1_500.jpg but since I wasn't actually posting it directly to the porn board I opted for the funnier looking one.

If we're going for appearances, then this is better than either but isn't quite as blatant that they're lifting clear away from the chest due to their own buoyancy http://bustybigtits8.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Big-Tits-0146.jpg

On an unrelated note, here's a snake mating ball.

>>7056977

Holy shit yes they float.

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>>7056424
>YOU VERY CONSIDERATE HELPFUL PERSON!
Oh... uh, you're welcome? It's kind of weird having people thank you when you don't even know what the fuck you're doing.

>>7056236
>>7056234
Have you thought about what sort of setting you wanted them to be in?
With a more traditional fantasy setting, I'd imagine they'd be viewed as more of an invasive species if they're using other sapients to breed, with the males leaving their mates with unnatural children to deal with, or even just straight up kidnapping people to use as breeders - while in a sci-fi setting you've got all these questions about cultural acceptance and morality floating around, so having them integrate might be more likely there.

>>7056763
I dunno what the OR is going for, but if the males can control the size of their wangs, they might be able to flare individual parts of it to replicate a knot, or some other type of stopper to fit their prey. Papillae sounds cool too.
I'd guess the females would probably use paralytics if they're needing to keep one male around for an extended period. Males might just use brute strength to keep their prey in check. I do love the idea though, so who knows?

>>7052731
Snekguy, I like you.

>Story
The smut flows well, the political intrigue is done well enough that I was suspending disbelief entirely in favor of trying to find a way I would negotiate a useful compromise for everyone involved. Regent is best girl and the red oni/blue oni contrast she's got going on with the hot-tempered boreals is excellent. You should have Xhe discover what's happening, have her lose her temper, and compete against Regent over Dennis' body, using his body.

Is anyone here into extreme orgasm denial? It's one of my biggest fetishes, and I have a few ideas for stuff that can be written about it. But I want to make sure people are into it first.

>>7056273
>>7057391
I mean you're telling me what I was doing wrong or that bothered you and I'm trying to learn from my mistakes, which I appreciate. I can't get better if I'm given nothing but complements, right? Even if you don't know what you're doing (I hope I understand that's what you meant when you said >It's kind of weird having people thank you when you don't even know what the fuck you're doing.) you pointed out something and I want to try and fix them.

I had to go away most of the day unfortunately but I did make some edits. I tried to be mindful of of my use of tense, broke apart the bit of story that was intended to be a flash back and I'm just gonna make that into a longer prologue, and cleaned up the issues as best as I can. I'll be working more on the story tomorrow.

>>7057396
>compete against Regent over Dennis' body, using his body.
I can't see any way that would make sense. Doesn't seem like a course of action Xhe or the regent would take

>>7057326
In actual mating balls, only a few individuals actually have sex.

>>7056468

Complete morphing, to be honest. Monster-girls for example, hybrids and such. But in general, act of voluntary transformation is the main point.

>I'm not sure I understand. Is it the act of being painted that's meant to be the focus, or is it more like a tattoo fetish?

The act of being painted. Japanese have lot of videos about this, but there is basically no western materials.

>>7055989

>The contortion part seems interesting though! Always envied those men and women who can have sex in bizarre positions or even just do the splits.

Some famous contortion artists like Zlata can really make amazing things and reading about it would really be nice. Most such artists are focused on either front or backbending - she is fluent in both.

I've been struggling to find a story I read ages ago, but I cannot for the life of me remember what website it was on.

Its a story about a man who was in an accident, and instead of dying he gets transforned into a succubus. There are other succubi and they are all watched over by a mother figure.

If anyone has a link, it would be appreciated

>>7057797
Some males also pretend to be females in order to leech off some body warmth from others to get more energy after hibernation.

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Well now I'm gonna create the Borealan's in Stellaris but dunno what to put for their Bio or their species traits and government ethics. Also what kind of world do they prefer? Continental like Earth?

>>7058219
If I make the Krell do that, will it alienate half of /d/ or does everyone rightfully love traps?

>>7058226
I guess they come off as authoritarians, and they like any world that has water and isn't extremely cold I suppose (unless they're the polar variety).
For the traits I would put any of these:
-Conformists
-Resilient
-Strong
-Very Strong
-Nomadic
-Decadent
-Slow Learners
For the major ethos I'd put Military Dictatorship.

I'm looking for opinions on matching body types with monsters.
>athletic teenager toned from cardio
>flat-chested skinny girl
>plump MILF softened by pregnancy
>curvy skinnyfat women
>bimbo-bodied whore with exaggerated sexual features
What's your take on what sort of monsters go best with them?"

>>7058245
I went with Despotic Hegemony for the Elite Assault Army since in previous stories it's been established they are great ground troops but are severely lacking in warship technology.

>no female leader portraits except for humans

damn shame.

>>7058255
Perhaps you just don't recognize them as being female?

>>7058249
Toned Athletic is always good.

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>>7058255
Yeah that sounds good. Pretty much any government with top-down leadership fits them.
I'm flattered you like them so much!

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>>7058279
I like world building and lore in general, the smut is just a bonus.

>>7058279
Does the Polar Queen have a name? I can`t find one.

>>7058249
>>athletic teenager toned from cardio
Harpy
>>flat-chested skinny girl
Faerie/Pixie
>>plump MILF softened by pregnancy
Minotaur
>>curvy skinnyfat women
Slime/Ooze
>>bimbo-bodied whore with exaggerated sexual features
Nymph

You can justify pretty much any monstergirl with any build if you're creative, though.

>>7058306
Nah not yet.
Stay tuned I've almost got the new scene done.

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Update, new content at "She mounted him suddenly and aggressively"

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
New tags:
>vaginal, creampie, leg locking

>>7057396
I'm glad you're enjoying it! Hopefully you'll like what I have planned for the characters.

>>7058306
Her name is now Ursi.

>>7058245
I dunno about giant burly and muscley lizard traps, but if you're proposing human traps snuggling up to Krell males then hell yeah. Besides, unless it's incredibly niche and you're trying to appeal to as broad an audience as possible I don't think you should limit yourself too much. As long as some reasonable amount of people share an interest in the subject matter (and on /d/ that should be a pretty resounding affirmative given all the trap threads) I'd vote for you writing whatever interests you first and foremost.

>>7058425
>vaginal, creampie, leg locking
absolutely /d/isgusting

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Millipede man. Drawing these is fun.

>>7058539
Remind me, what sex organs do millipedes have anyway?

>>7058539
wew

You available for requests inker? Or just passing through?

>>7058550
If I remember correctly millipedes have dick-legs.

As in, some of their legs double as dicks.

>>7058539
Millipedes creep me out. No, this is not an exception.

>>7058552
I think he saw your messages the last three times, if he was he would have awshered.

>>7058568
Right, good point.

>>7058226

Eh, wait until the new patch. And also, when it comes out play with me mother fucker.

>>7058506
I was thinking maybe:
>female Krell are much more slender and amphibious looking than the burly males
>females don't go to war and stay on the homeworld
>like some species of frog they can change gender in the absence of suitable mates
>this results in both nubile traps developing among the ranks of the soldiers and futa Krell developing on the homeworld when there's an overabundance of females

I don't know if my regulars would be into that, or if it would be going too far for some of them, or how that would even tie in to the plot, but I'm sure I could make it work.

Maybe I'll do a poll or something to gauge what people want.

>>7058539
Cool, he looks like a samurai.

>>7058577
that sounds dope as shit snekguy, i'd enjoy it if you chose to do it. but hey, follow your boner, not mine

>>7058577
My boner says yes.

>>7058585
>>7058602
I've made a poll, when I've finished Fineprint I'll take a look at the results and see what the consensus is.

http://www.strawpoll.me/11366498

I'm thinking the plot would be:
>Krell population on the Pinwheel starts exploding
>nobody can figure out why since there are no females on the station and the Krell are functional retards
>protagonists are scientists and xenobiologists who are assigned to find out what the hell is going on
>they discover that the Krell are spontaneously changing gender
>they have to travel to the homeworld to figure out what is happening and if it can be stopped

Snekguy, in reference to a line about race in Fineprint: biologists indicate now (and have since the 1980s) that there are no distinct human "races." There's no debate now, so there wouldn't be in whatever future Dennis occupies.

Plenty of shit cultures abound, but melanin content does not speciation make.

>>7058704
Well I'd prefer to leave it ambiguous so nobody gets offended.

>>7058607
I'm asuming this will still have a human protagonist?
If so, have you changed your opinion on futa on male or are you talking about human male doing Krell futa/trap.
Even a Krell trap is still going to have a bigger dick than a human, right?
Doesn't feel right to have the one with the smaller dick doing the dicking...

>>7058425
I'm really enjoying Ursi. Also are you taking suggestions on future stories set in universe?

Hey, you got your /pol/ in my /d/!

>>7058806
There will be no X-on-male, and yeah human protags.
Most likely it would be:
>human on Krell trap
>human on Krell futa
>human on Krell female
>Krell all mating in a mess nobody can make any sense of

>>7058813
Sure I'm always up for suggestions.

>>7058830
Eh, guess I'll wait for the story after that one.
Are you still planning on doing a horror story at some point?

>>7058843
Maybe, I was never able to really figure out a plot for that.
I'm also considering doing a shorter (maybe 6-10k word) female Orc or maybe succubus story in between my main series.
I don't want to make any promises because I'll end up with a backlog a mile long, but those are just some ideas I'm floating around.

>>7056367
>>7056763
>>7057391
Ooh, thank you all for your replies! I had thought about giving them knots, but I left it a bit vague in case someone had a great idea. I hadn't actually thought about them using toxins though, and I definitely think that's something one of them should use. For setting, I also wanted to keep it vague for other people to fill in some neat ideas, but if you think a scifi one would help make them more of a culture of their own instead of a pest, maybe that's the better one to do.
If anyone has more ideas, I'd love to hear them!

How the fuck do I write an entire story?
I'm using the snowflake method but I can't get into boring parts.

Right now I'm just getting stuck with a few written scenes and no way to turn it into an entire story without pointless filler.

>>7059009
I don't know about the snowflake method, but my writing process is basically
>think of a good story idea, either on my own or from some other source (usually /tg/ or /d/ threads)
>bullet point out all the things that are going to happen, like a summary
>start writing, write straight through to the end, making changes to keep things logical/beleivable
>after I have a full draft, I edit by reading through the whole thing and fixing errors/cleaning up syntax as I go
>rarely I might change major details during editing, but usually they're set from the outline

That should be enough to get you through a 10-20k word smutfic

>>7059009
Start with storyboarding your idea. Think about the fic you want to write, break it up in scenes, come up with a clear begin and a clear end. Describe each scene with a couple of sentences, just enough to firmly conceptualize what you want to write.

Once you have that, you start fleshing things out. You can write the whole story out chronologically or write each scene out and then combine them. The only advice I'll give you here is to start with what you think will be the hardest part.

Once you have written everything out, you let the draft rest for a few days before going over it again, checking for inconsistencies and making sure the story is internally coherent as a whole.

Once you're there, it never hurts to triple-check grammar and syntax, and then you bite the bullet and post the story before you start second-guessing yourself too much.

>>7052240
>>7053891
Okay, that took a lot more effort than I thought, but here it is, the continuation to the drow story I posted earlier. I tried to incorporate as much of the feedback as I could, so I'd love to hear critique, both from those who gave me some before, as well as from new people.


Hardly Adamantine(part 2):
>tags: drow, dark elves, femdom, chastity, D&D
http://pastebin.com/BV4eYAL0

>>7059009
It really depends on what sort of scenes you have written. Do they have the same characters at least? If yes, you need to think of how to connect the separate events into a coherent whole.

Generally you do this either by fleshing out the "journey"(usually the journey is where much of the character development and plot actually happens, or is set up so that it can happen with an actual impact in the story itself) or by abstracting it away in a few lines.

Abstraction can be useful, if what happens between the scenes is meaningless. It's better to just skip ahead and say "a week later at another city" than describe some filler stuff that has nothing to do with anything. Of course, you should think of it as an opportunity to turn the "filler" into something that has a point. This isn't always a good thing, depending on how bloated the story already is. But if the scenes themselves are the only thing there is to the story, it can seem hollow. Even a few lines of description can make a huge difference.

If the scenes have nothing to do with each other(no characters shared, no locations shared, not even the same world) then there's little to do except change things. If you have the same location but different characters, you might not need to connect them(in which case it's a "place driven story"). If the world is the same but nothing else, it's a short story/scene collection.
(continued)

>>7059009
(continued)

Personally I let the story flow into me at first, then refine it. I write up every single idea that ever comes to me, so that I can later check out all the cool stuff I've come up with. I don't stress over it since there's usually no hurry. I think about story and characters more or less everywhere, whether I'm watching something, playing something, walking around, in the train, etc. I play out scenarios that I think are interesting and write them up on my cellphone. Once I write them from my cellphone to my computer, I flesh them out. Once enough ideas have accumulated on a certain type of story, I will usually mix them together with other stories. This way I get an interesting mix of different things, and can more easily see if I repeat certain ideas or characters too much between my stories. I'll then skim out the unnecessary or non-fitting ones and save them away in my idea folder for another day.

Sometimes I just get a single small idea(a strange job for a character, an interesting event, an interaction between characters, a plot twist, a magical item), sometimes I get large ideas(entire characters are born in a minute or two, the concept of a whole story appears or is fleshed out, a particular scene is played out in my head, etc). The important part is to allow everything to come uncensored, no idea is too dumb or simple to write down, and no idea is too complicated or nonsensical to write down either. You do the censoring afterwards, never during the process of creation.

The same really applies to writing the text and scenes. Just write whatever comes to mind, without thinking too much on it. You'll be inspecting if things make sense during the editing process far too much anyway, so it's simply foolish to limit yourself during the "alpha writing" of the text.
(continued)

>>7059009
(continued)

It can be hard or awkward to write some parts of a story, but that's okay, since nothing you ever write is final. You can always change it later. It's far better to have a clumsy, feeble text than nothing at all. It gives form and structure to the whole. Even if you can't think of anything else, just write "they walked to the next scene" or something like that. If you have a multiple POV story, then it's a bit different, since the next chapter might be from a different character's point of view, so the "intermission" between the chapters can be difficult to grasp(at least for me).

For the actual writing part, like the above commentators said, I too write down a sort of rough idea(whether in bullet points, pure description, a chaotic mess of ideas or words to remember, or whatever form it may take) before I start. I do it in two different ways. First off I have the "grand list" which includes everything that I can think of. It's not really super useful in practice, but it makes it easier to skim through things I might forget in the grand scheme of things(the "why I want to do something"). Then, more practically, I have the "short list" which includes ideas that are relevant to the scene or chapter I'm writing("remember to add this descriptive line", "these characters have a conversation", "this plot point has to happen", "if possibly think of a way to include XYZ") and nothing more. It has to be short enough that I don't feel like it's a chore to read, and simple enough that I can get the gist in a short glance. It's more for helping me remember on what I want to do with what I'm writing, and to keep focus on the important stuff so I don't drift into a rambling tangent.
(continued)

>>7059009
(continued)

Unlike how the others do it, it seems, I start with what I find the most interesting and easiest to write. This way it feels nice and I don't stress about it, thus making it easier to return to the story later on. The more stuff I have written, the better my motivation is. Then, when it's time for the hard parts, I need only see all the other stuff I've written to realize that I can't give up at such a late point. I also don't write things chronologically, but instead on what I feel writing at that moment. To me this is critical, since I want to feel "inspired" when I write, if possible. I sure as heck never feel inspired when editing, and editing is where the sadly necessary drudge work happens, the place where things make sense finally, where scenes are interlinked, where character motivations are cleared up, where the excess fat is cut, where the plot holes are filled, and so on.

Still, it's better to write something uninspired, than write nothing at all by waiting for inspiration to strike. If you just wait, it might never come at all. And the uninspiring parts eventually create inspiration by themselves, either because you're spending time with the story, or by a sudden flash of "Wait, I now know how to do the boring part".

I usually go through several editing passes of the book, where I add entire pages of stuff if necessary, or remove entire pages(stored elsewhere, never deleted). After the third or fourth edit, it probably makes sense and is written well enough to be considered ready in some sense.

Your mileage might vary, of course. As can be seen by these long rambling posts, my text is probably a lot longer and more rambling than that of others, so it's an inefficient way to do it. But what's important is that it works for me. Each writer has their own way of doings things, and you should never believe in any single way that supposedly works for everyone.

>tl;dr
Writing an entire story is a lot of work.

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>>7058425
>kissing her womb
The anatomy of that scene seems kind of wonky. I can't imagine it'd be comfortable to bend over enough to bite someone's neck who's at least a foot shorter than you, who's lap you are sitting on, and who is currently sucking your breasts.
>Imagine I'm a succulent piece of meat, do you want to eat me in one bite, or relish every mouthful
That's got to be the least erotic thing I've ever heard, and I've had someone throw up on me mid sentence as they were asking me out.

>>7059367
Well they don't have to do all of those things continuously at the same time.

>>7059368
>she pricked his vulnerable skin with her pointed fangs...but he fought it, applying more suction on her engorged nipple and clawing at her soft breasts with his hands
I mean, that's how it's written.

>>7059369
Made sense to me, I didn't have any trouble picturing it.

>>7059367
I'll give that scene a re-read and see what I can do about that.
I feel like the meat analogy makes sense for a Borealan though, even if you don't find it very sexy. If I replaced that with a different food analogy they either wouldn't know about it or wouldn't have access to it.

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>>7058830
I have been playing around with the idea of a Borealan, who's a huge human otaku. Then I thought it would be a nice change of pace to have a human protag who's different than the other two. So why not a war ace, super soldier?

Long short of it. Male protagonist, is an augmented up super soldier who's done some serious ops. Problem being, his experience in the war has left him very xenophobic towards aliens. To the point he was deemed an liability when working with their allies. So they removed his military augments, and gave him civilians ones and shipped him off to Pinwheel to see if some leave would help him.

Do to being so heavily augmented he's very vulnerable now. Especially when he's being inspecting in the med-bay. (He's basically an amputee.) Where he meets the love interest of the story. A shaman,( do Borealans have modern medicine or do they have shamans?) who's obsessed with human culture. Might could make her related to the regent so prominent as of late. She'd be hopelessly loss with the advance tech but, she's trying to become a medic.

Just jotting some thoughts down that I've been kicking kicking around all week.

>>7059378
There has been no talk of any sort of augs in any of the stories though.

>>7059378
https://hentai[dot]cafe/manga/read/thats_a_monster/en/0/1/page/1

Some of this inspired me too.

>>7058860
Female Orc sounds interesting.

>>7059379
Good point, and fuck.

>>7059378
I've not really thought about putting augs into the universe, I don't feel that they're quite that technologically advanced.
But, how about a veteran marine who is crippled, loses a leg and an arm or something, and then is sent to the Pinwheel in order to have prosthetics fitted and go through rehabilitation? Makes sense for them to have the best medical facility around.
The prosthetics would logically be more advanced than those we have today, but they wouldn't need to be Deus Ex quality, just enough to let him live a fairly normal civilian life.

Not sure xenophobia has a place, since all squads are now integrated and have been pretty much since the war began, but what if the cause of his injuries was related in some way to Borealans? Maybe one fucked up the mission, or didn't follow orders, and his bad attitude can come from a combination of resentment, and his military career being essentially over on account of his injuries.

I like the idea of having a Polar Borealan trying to be a medic, since they're less hot headed than the regular variety, maybe they'd make better medics than soldiers. They don't have shamans, but they might have trouble with some of the more advanced human tech.

>>7059381
Yeah I think I might write that next, just a short story, I've not done any fantasy stuff before.

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Also how do you guys feel about a Coalition race that is entirely aquatic which explains why they haven't shown up so far?
Might be cool for those of you who are into mermaids or fish people.
They'd have to use powered exosuits, kind of like reverse diving bells to venture onto land, like the Andromedons from XCOM.

>>7059482
the krell fit that but are amphibious since they're croc/gator people

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>>7059484
Or octopus people maybe?
Something that would die on land.

>>7059486
W101 was a good game, underrated as fuck.

On an unrelated note, how do you stay so productive? Try as I might, I keep getting distracted by the smallest things when I try to write, up to and including my own train of thought. I'd kill to be able to push things out at your speed.

Do writefags upload their stuff anywhere else besides the pastebins?

It seems to me that AdultFanFiction is a bit dead, and I have trouble believing anyone uses asstr any more. I've seen people post stories on deviantart but I always thought that site was for pictures.

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>>7059497
Well I'm currently unemployed, so the amount that I can write isn't necessarily meritorious, lol. If I'm more productive than a lot if people who post here, it's mostly because I'm less productive IRL and I don't have anything more important to do with my time.
I also just really enjoy it. If I added OpenOffice to my Steam account I would probably clock as much time as the games I play, it's pretty much as fun as them.

If you want tips for productivity in general, in my case I like to make promises that I'll meet a certain daily quota like 2000 words, or put something out in a certain time frame, and then I feel compelled to do it, and I feel really guilty if I fail.
Also try not to shelve stories or take breaks from them, if you start something then do your best to finish it before starting something new.
Also energy drinks.


>>7059502
I use StoriesOnline.net and FurAffinity. Some people like Literotica and HentaiFoundry too.

>>7059508
>Literotica

I did once try to upload to literotica but then it turned out they don't publish stories featuring non-consent, where's the fun in that?

>>7059513
Honestly I think the site sucks, don't use it myself. I've had too many problems with them to detail.

>>7059513
What? They have a category called non-consent.

>>7059515

This was 4 years ago, maybe it's changed.

I get a report from asstr claiming my stories get like 30 hits per week but it's so consistent I assume it's bots or webcrawlers somehow.

>>7059502
>I've seen people post stories on deviantart but I always thought that site was for pictures.
DA is a pretty good place to post writing, actually. They don't review your work prior to posting and their upload tool is easy enough to format for.

I'm not sure what kind of communities exist there for general smut, though, as opposed to the large communities for specific fetishes like vore and giantess.

Still, it would be a good place to host stories written for this thread, even if you don't get much feedback from the DA community itself.

>>7059378
>>7059404
>Augs
They'll most-likely be able to lift more than they could before, there wont be too many problems, if any problems, with rejection/drugs (people naturally seem to have Adam Jensen's scar tissue). Depending on whether they plan to be put on active duty at some point, a fancier model could be given (one that's expandable/unlockable could be given instead of a pure civvy model).

>>7059404
even if integration is forced, xenophobia can be present. having mixed race units in vietnam didn't cure racism. It can contribute to lessening it, but people will hold onto their beliefs pretty strongly.

>>7059486
Be brave nigga, go full on starfish alien biology. Great one tier radial symmetrical body plan

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>>7059652
Yeah I guess that's true, good example.

>>7059655
Like the Gwo'oth from Fleet of Worlds? I guess I'm going to have to model the technology after their example anyway, what with having to do metallurgy underwater using thermal vents and shit.

2000 word update, new content starts at "Dennis lay back, his head resting on her floating breasts as he enjoyed the quiet and the heat."

Fineprint:
http://pastebin.com/k411SZV2
New tags:
>girl on girl, exhibitionism, massage, washing

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Been toying with a fun little concept:

It's twenty past the future, and an oversexed guy dates this girl, whose mother is a serious MILF who works as a biotechnician for a "bod clinic". He woos the daughter, but has things on the side, and is buckling under the pressure not to come on to the mother as well. Eventually, he fails, trying to feel her up while her daughter's not home.

But the mother, it turns out, is a whole other level of kink, and has heard about his behavior. She lets him have his way with her, but then drugs him, and takes him into the clinic after hours, where she reveals that she's into way more modding than the law allows for. She goes on to effectively swap her genitals with his, inside bits and all, and then introduces him to a little side-project she has been working on; a brain parasite keyed to a particular chemical she can secrete that can effectively mind-control someone. Cue vigorous struggling and shaming. She tells him that she's not going to actually take his will or awareness from him, but from there on out she'll be the one throwing the dick around since he apparently can't control it, and she rapes him while the parasite takes hold. Once it's done, she compels him to suck her off, while she lectures him on "how things are going to be from now on" and how he's going to have to "earn things back".

Cut to a few days later, and we learn that the guy's been controlled to act as though nothing happened and go on with things. Except, when he comes around and visits, now his girlfriend has also been controlled by her mother, and been made to accept the whole "arrangement" and find it just as sadistically amusing, and it becomes clear that the mother is dicking the daughter just as much as the guy ever did. Maybe, throw in a scene where they're going at it, and pervertedly playing with the idea, the mother scoldingly bemoaning how the daughter lets him get away with it too easy...

>>7059704
...and telling her how irresponsible the daughter and the guy are for not protecting themselves, even as she's the one cumming into her daughter bareback.

And meanwhile, not only is the guy made to go along as though things are fine; now, because of the control, he's not only made to be perfectly polite and respectful to the mother, but also to service her sexually, up and to the point where he's the one inviting it, no matter how humiliating he finds it or how much his trapped mind tries to fight it. Cue some other stuff, pseudo-lesbo sex between him and the daughter, a bit more shaming. The last scene we see, he comes around when the daughter isn't home again, and encounters the mother in the kitchen. Before he can sneak out unnoticed though, the control snaps on, and he ends up asking the mother if he can suck "her" cock. She sweetly obliges, and tenderly strokes his hair while talking about how things are much nicer this way, then makes him swallow and actually thank her. Cue his internal monologue, and we see that he has, despite all things, oddly come to think the same in a kind of way. The end.

Hawt or nawt?

>>7059508
>Well I'm currently unemployed, so the amount that I can write isn't necessarily meritorious, lol.

Yep. Looking back, I wrote most of my stuff while I was either in college or a NEET. Now that I have a job, even when I do have time to write I end up feeling too drained to actually do so. Still, I'll try to do what I can now before getting to work on the angel fic idea I mentioned way up here: >>7052524

I was thinking trying first-person for it, since I've never tried a fic using that POV before and need the experience. Any tips there? And at that matter, what would you like to see out of the concept?

>>7059679
Building anything at all, much less beginning metallurgy is going to be completely alien from anything we have on land. The degree of resistance that water puts up compared to air is going to make a lot of things more difficult.

no idea of metallurgy could even be done underwater, seems like there would be too much chemistry happening between the heated melt and whatever is solvated in the water around it at those temperatures, especially if they are using thermal vents as a crucible. those are full of chemicals i could see interacting with metal at high temp. (I'm not a metalworker though so don't take my word for it, just a thought)

>>7059856
salt water also fucks up metal faster too

>>7052462

Very nicely done.

Too few of the stories posted here have real heart and character to them, and I'm a sucker for good monster-girl romance. Eagerly awaiting the sequel where Leo's grown a bit wiser and Anna's thoroughly enjoying her happily-ever-after.

Ugh that moment when you write a 4k sex scene. Only to realize that it totally does tonally fit with the scene that set it up.

And even if I do try and fix it. Then is makes the sex between the characters seemed rushed and totally defeats the path I wanted them to go in.

Welp time to delete all that work and start over.

Angry smut rant over.

>>7059704
you keep mentioning a lack of sexual dimorphism, but you also mention they got big honking titties.

does not compute

>>7059965
He means more that males and females don't have the same strength and size difference that humans have between male and female

>>7052524
>>succubus summoning by horny warlock goes wrong, summons angel instead somehow, and she chooses to "redeem" him by allowing him to fuck her instead

I'm going to try and work with this concept.

>tfw you get warned for clarifying scientific discussion

>>7059971

So massive tits are not a factor of sexual dimorphism?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_dimorphism

Hmm, secondary sex characteristics. Hmm... I wonder what that includes.

Oh yeah because tits are kind of a good indicator of what someones sex is when you don't have plumage. In fact males and females both have tits but hey they vary in size!

Yeah, if they had no sexual dimorphism then they would have similar sized tiddays as well.

All hail male Borealan's and their massive knockers!

From now on I am imagining the primarch has a banging set of dirty pillows now.

>>7059404
>I don't feel that they're quite that technologically advanced.
>Literally have a capsule that dilates time and is disposable enough to keep FUCKING MEAT fresh across lightyears
Matey, we already have prosthetics today that can imitate human function to a startling degree. If they've got the capabilities to cross hundreds of lightyears not even within a human lifespan, but within a few (relative) months, they've got the capabilities to do whatever they damn well want.

>>7060098
Aw, I was going to work on that. Oh well, look on the bright side, we can see how our respective views on the subject differ. Might be fun.

>>7059704
No promises, but I kind of like the idea. Could you detail the brain parasite a bit more, and how the mother controls the guy (verbal queues, specific secretions, just straight up mind control, etc)? And did you have a preference on perspective and tense and all that?
Again, no promises - both of me finishing it, or of it being any good.

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>>7058425
>leg locking
>creampie

>>7060171
Please do so, I'm struggling to put the story together.

>>7059707
I started off writing first person, can't really think of any advice you wouldn't already be aware of, but maybe try to imagine you're telling a story to a friend. That might be a good starting point if you're struggling.

>>7059856
Yeah I think it can be done, the idea isn't original, Larry Niven already puzzled it out in Fleet of Worlds, the Gwo'oth are a very cool race. They had to start building reverse diving bells in order to venture on to the top of the ice sheets on their frozen moon so they could do complex chemistry without interference from the water.
Arthur C Clarke did something similar in Odyssey 3 where the aliens who lived on Europa used sheets of ice like magnifying glass to focus the sunlight to create heat in the absence of anything to burn so that they could build metal tools.

>>7059857
Yeah I guess you'd have to coat it in something or it would just rust away.

>>7060104
I didn't say they have NO sexual dimorphism, just less than we do. Human males are significantly stronger and more resilient than females, more muscle mass, stronger bones, different threat response, etc. Our society is also very keenly split along gender lines.

>>7060168
Technology isn't a linear progression though. Just because you have one technology doesn't mean you necessarily have another. Being able to slow time in a controlled space or make FTL jumps are theoretical physics related technologies, doesn't mean you have the technology to hook up a prosthetic to a human nervous system and have it respond like a real limb with no rejection. They'd be available and more advanced for sure, but I don't want to trivialize injuries and make it so you can just pop on a new leg if yours gets blown off, there's too much storytelling potential there.

>>7060206
Don't like it? I had one guy on my Patreon say he loves leg locking so I always try to include it where I can, it's such a simple thing.

>>7060222
Good to hear it. I'm not a speedy writer either, so perhaps this'll motivate us both.

>>7060227
...I do like leg-locking.

I was the Patreon who said I loved it.

>>7059404
Sounds good man, I'm glad I could bounce some ideas off of you.

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>>7060235
Oh right, I got you covered fäm.

>>7060243
Yeah I really like your idea, I'll definitely write some variation of that in the future with your permission.

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>>7060227
>Technology isn't a linear progression though.
I think I might have interpreted your previous post a bit differently than you intended. I assumed you meant that - despite them being a multi-racial, planet spanning collective with insane and literally god-like technologies spread across multiple different scientific schools - augmentations were rare or simply crude, to the level or lower than current day technologies. Which is lunacy.

>I don't want to trivialize injuries and make it so you can just pop on a new leg if yours gets blown off
There could still be rejection and individual side-affects, even despite the augments being incredibly advanced. We can replace organs today to a reasonable extent, but even with vat-grown replacements and super-drugs floating around in the future, I'm not sure we'll ever get to the point that it will be foolproof 100% of the time. New organs can upset the delicate chemical balance inside your body to the point where your personality changes drastically, or you can simply reject it. New limbs could suffer similar drawbacks as well. With the human mind being so difficult to understand properly, who knows how someone will react with constant phantom pains, sensations flooding into their body that don't feel 'right', altered proprioception, or even improperly affixed limbs.
And if you want to have an amputee story, you can always just have them say no, or have incompatible physiology.

>>7060255
Well no, I said they would definitely have better prosthetic technology than we have today, but not necessarily to the level that would allow them to resume their lives quickly with no ill effects.
I don't want it to be like Deux Ex where you can just go see a doctor and have a new arm put on overnight, because it would trivialize the dangers and psychological factors of being maimed.
Keep in mind I'm not saying that a civilization who can use FTL and time dilation technology on a small scale would not have good prosthetics, or that I don't foresee prosthetic technology advancing in the real future, I just don't think it's right for my setting.

You do make valid points though and I see what you're saying, I hadn't considered that the advanced prosthetics might take a lot of time to get used to, or be difficult to install, that's definitely an angle that would work just as well.

Snekguy please never ever stop writing about polar boreleans

ever

Thanks in advance!

>>7060267

*Borealans

hurr

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>>7060267
I'll be sure to figure out ways to get both races in the next Borealan story, I can't believe how much they've taken off.
Torn between the two worlds of abs and chub, what a cruel fate.

>>7060281
I suggest Raz and Stanley having an adventure in the polar regions of Borealis. Maybe meeting her family?
Would gives an excuse for spooning:

Stanley as little spoon, obviously.

>>7060291
Raz is the daughter of the patriarch though so it'd be the same place Dennis is at and she's not a polar Boreaen so can't go to the polar region

>>7060294
....Couldn't she...Bundle Up?

That's a weird thought, Standard Borealan in Winter Kit.

>>7060299
She'd hibernate like the other equatorial Borealens. Are you even reading the current story?

>>7060301
That's... not really how hibernation works, I don't think. You don't just fall asleep whenever it gets cold.

>>7060306
>it gets cold
>they eat more than usual right before
>their metabolism slows down
>they mainly stay indoors and sleep
>are very lethargic if forced to be about when it's "winter"
>don't become active/fully awake until "winter" is over
sounds like hibernation to me

>>7060311
What?
>she's not a polar Boreaen so can't go to the polar region
>Couldn't she...Bundle Up?
>She'd hibernate like the other equatorial Borealens
The topic is an equatorial Borealan going into the polar regions in cold weather gear, which you said can't happen because she'd hibernate. Which is wrong, since they don't just automatically go into hibernation whenever they get cold. The question isn't whether they do hibernate, that's already established.

>>7060317
There's also the fact she, like most equatorial Borealens, would not want to go where it's even colder. There's just no good reason why Raz would want to go to the polar region willingly. And if the whole asylum thing goes through there won't be any polar Borealens on the planet anymore.
A story about the polar Borealens getting settled on Earth could be pretty fun too.

>>7060281
abs master race

>>7060281
Chub Übermensch

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i really don't envy whoever has to negotiate territories or food supply deals with polar borleans back on earth.

or maybe i do.

>>7058577
>not a fan of futa but your story is good so I will keep reading anyway. Dont compromise on your story because some of my cis-scum brethren sperg out. I am confident enough in my sexuality to not worry about catching the gay from a few paragraphs.

>>7060518
It's probably going to end up a lot more mild than anyone is expecting or I'm making out to be honest.
I'll do you guys an Orc femdom story first so the people who aren't into the Krell story will have something to read.
Fineprint is dragging on but I only have like three more scenes to do.

>>7060522


If by dragging on you mean literaly cannot create more fast enough, then yes I agree


Also, if the polar borealans ever make it to earth, how do you think the massively reduced gravity will affect their bodies?

>>7060525
Well I figure they'll encounter problems similar to what humans encounter on Mars, which is anything up to and including blindness and horrific bone disorders. However, humans have colonized Mars in this setting, so I figure they'll be quite adept at tackling those problems already, if not being able to completely negate them.

>>7060529


So assuming they negate or suppress anything too crazy, what about stuff like their weights/average sizes/body builds?

>>7060547
would be pretty funny if gyms became flooded with borleans trying to avoid muscle atrophy due to reduced gravity

>>7060547
I guess they'd end up a little taller and less muscular over time.

So what's so great about these borealean things anyway? They seemed like just another form of catpeople to me.

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>>7060664
Perhaps because they fit pre-existing popular themes?

>>7060711
I can see that, but all the talk about them seems too detailed and too elaborate for that to be the only explanation. Genuinely curious, since when other fics have covered those themes they've never been discussed this intensely.

Is it just because there isn't any real competition over that niche right now or what?

>>7060227
>less sexual dimorphism
>talks about strength and response times
Do you need to go through sex ed again?