how the fuck do I lose weight?

Eat less and exercise more

Ever thought about going over to /fit/ and checking the sticky ? Maybe not the worlds greatest repository of knowledge, but it's something, and starting there will probably get you to where you want to be.

Also, remember that fattest loser show ? Well that trainer/coach Bob guy died of a heart attack and so just remember that whatever you learn about nutrition and fitness is probably bullshit and you should always try and at least look for opposing views or contradicting advice to what you think is correct because there's a lot of meme advice to be fooled by.

>>9323500
You want to eat at a calorie deficit. Find out what your daily caloric need is (there are calculators online for that), then start out slow and eat 100 calories less than your daily need for a week, next week go 100 lower, keep going until you are eating at a 500 calorie deficit. So 500 calories less than your daily caloric need. Weigh yourself each week in the morning, preferably when you wake up and take a shit, to keep track of your progress.

Use MyFitnessPal to keep track of the calories you're eating. It's pretty easy to use and let's you set a target weight and tells you how many calories you need to eat based on how fast you want to lose weight.

>>9323500
You can't actually lose weight, it's not like you're going to find the same quarks that made you fat again, so why would you try to lose them? Why are you searching for the quarks that made you a humungous? Are you some kind of masochist? fuck lads, there is no such thing as a diet, there is such thing as a healthy life style though. I can tell you I'm on a 'diet' as well but that diet consists of 2 liters of coke and a big mac every day. fuggin idiots.

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>>9323660

read the sticky over at >>>/fit/

start by logging everything you eat for a couple days. You'll be shocked at how much little things add up

track calories with something like myfitnesspal

when I was a fatty I lost 35 pounds by just not eating like a pig and doing a 5k daily. lost the last 10 pounds with calorie counting

I found it very motivating to weigh myself daily and see progress being made a half pound at a time.

remember you didn't get chubby overnight, you won't fix things overnight either

GOMAD

>>9323672
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXI21S4ZWJU

>>9323665
This. Other than the logging what you eat, cut out the snacks. If you're just trying to lose a few pounds, you can do that by not keeping chips and cookies in your house and deliberately parking at the far end of the parking lot, or taking stairs instead of elevators and such.

Cut out the pre-made frozen dinners too. Take the time to cook real meat, vegetables, and starches. That'll whittle down the added sugar, salt, and fat in a processed diet. If the time to cook is a problem, cook in batches and eat leftovers.

Make soups, stews, sauces, and roasts in large batches and refridgerating/ freezing the leftovers. Cut out sugary cereal, pop-tarts, and waffles for breakfast, eat left-overs from a real dinner last night instead.

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>>9323665
>>9323652
These, but for OP in order to eat at a calorie deficit more easily and lower your risk of overeating you need to understand calorie density (also fiber & water). Please watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CdwWliv7Hg

Eat foods (mostly fruits, vegetables, and moderate servings of whole grains/beans) that have very few calories for their actual weight. The most calorie-dense foods are meat, dairy, oils, and nuts. I'm not telling you to go vegetarian or vegan (but it would help), just that meat/cheese/baked goods are worth about 10x as many calories for the same weight of a given amount of non-starchy vegetables & fruits.

If you displace them in your fridge and plate with the same amounts or even more of shallow-calorie plants you will take in less calories on the net at the end of the day and still feel satiated because your stomach will be stretched full of dummy material (mostly undigestable fiber and water that it non-caloric filler) where the nerves in the stomach respond to this physical stretching to tell you it's full and to not be hungry. See this video (seek to 10:46):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3ghP-26CLg&t=10m46s
Also, if you do nothing else, cut out any drink (soda, juice, milk, etc) from your diet that isn't water. EAT YOUR CALORIES, DON'T DRINK THEM.

>>9323841
This is good advice for the most part but satiety is more than just your stomach being full, you still need to get the right amount of fat and protein. I can almost immediately tell if a meal I've just eaten didn't have enough protein. My stomach will be full and I won't want to eat anymore, but I'll think about high protein foods like meat, cheese, or eggs, and just feel like I would feel better if I had eaten more of that stuff.

Just cutting out caloric drinks like soda, and not snacking on junk food like chips and cakes that are basically designed to taste as good as possible but not fill you up so you keep eating more will help a lot. I find it really hard to overeat on healthy balanced meals, even when they include high calorie foods.