This FUCKING JUICER.

Nice blog, where do I subscribe?

>>8916476
i saw another machine like this where it works exactly the same way but you can actually put your own stuff in pouches and let the machine press it out.

>>8916488
I dunno. You can I M A G I N E a subscribe button.

Last week's outrage, bro.

>>8916496
+1

>>8916491
You know what I forgot to add in?

It only accepts its own brand of pouches because of this QR scanning bullshit.

>>8916501
I know I'm late to the party (probably 2 weeks late), but this thing infuriates me.

>>8916476
Some people made a lot of money.
This was likely used to grease so palms through various connections to make other things happen for the investing companies (or certain executives/large shareholders thereof).
If you could know where every dollar and deal changed hands of every person, and/or how they're related, it would make more sense.

Cronyism and nepotism run deep.
Corruption is ever present, and almost all the elites, both political and financial and holding fame, are guilty of it on so many levels it's absurd.

>>8916530
That's deep.

>>8916544
But why would you need internet to use a freaking juicer? It makes no sense.

>>8916476
if you want to know why it exists:

1. facebook gets big
2. people get obsessed with autismo "hackers" in hooded sweatshirts
3. people give money to a bunch of other autismo hoodie wearers to "disrupt" things
4. people catch on to this and now basically every company that has been funded in the last 2 or 3 years is a total scam run by someone whose primary skill is understanding what the memelords at venture capital firms want to hear

>>8916476
It's a €200,- datamining hydraulic press with a QR reader which renders it useless to anything else than those overpriced branded sacks

>>8916476
I honestly just want to know who saw this and said, "Yep, good stuff!"

>>8916687
People who don't know how juice is made or how much fruit and vegetables cost.

>>8916530
This whole thing feels like money laundering

>>8916476
>need to FUCKING HAVE AN APP AND WIFI TO OPERATE IT.
so it's like a sous vide machine for juice?

>>8916687
>€700 plus a weekly fee
>can easily be sold to rich but gullible people

very good idea

his mistake was lowering the price and actually wasting ink on defending against bloomberg's article

this is purely a piece of conspicuous consumption and they should treat it as such

>>8916476
>requires a smart phone to operate
>it actually does nothing

This thing was kickstarted, wasn't it?

>>8916476
This thing is pretty much THE example of how cancerous IoT can get.

>wlan
Top jewing famalan

>>8916771

maybe if sous vide required proprietary premade bags of food aswell as a app

>>8916476
That sounds fucking retarded
>>8916508
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

>>8916476
I ranted at it in the last thread and I'm lazy so I'll just copy paste my rant

I tried to explain Juicero to my girlfriend the other day and that's exactly what she said. They have all the processing and infrastructure in place to deliver fresh high quality juice daily or weekly to people who are willing to pay for such a service. WHY HAVE A FUCKING APPLIANCE? They could be making a killing distributing fresh juice as a subscription service. I live in silicon valley. I drink alot of juice. I'd pay good money to have juice delivered. I have discretionary spending money. I spend too much money on juice already why not spend it on convenience. They used to have milk men who delivered milk. I want juicemen in stupid outfits to bring me fresh OJ in the mornings. Fuck juicero. Fuck my life. My sci-fi juice dreams will go unfullfilled. I can't wait for the apocalypse so I can disregard California's restrictive gun laws and start a motorcycle gang to hunt my own juice in the orchards of the central valley.

>>8917101
They could have just packaged the pulp in fancy recyclable bottles with a plunger that squeezes the juice and yuppies would have eaten it up

>>8917101
My milkman does deliver fresh orange juice tho.

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>>8916476
You need to relax. Focus on inner peace, forget the outside world.

>>8917117
If that's true, i'm coming to your house to kill you and wear your skin. Does he wear a silly uniform that makes him easily identifiable as what he is?

>>8917114
A fascist government wouldn't let a lot of things exist.

>>8917120
By the way, would you say you're a typical resident of silicon valley?
Is skinstealing a normal thing there?

>>8917143
I wouldn't call myself typical. I don't work in tech but everyone in my social circle does. Skin stealing is pretty abnormal but some of the biotech companies in South San Francisco kinda skeeve me out. Cytokinetics, Exelexis, Akayogen, Toshi Bioscience, Genetech, NGM Bio-pharmaceuticals, Amgen, Annexon Biosciences, Principia Biopharma, Stemcentrix. Might as well just call it the umbrella corporation and be done with it. All the lunch spots around there cater to workers who have barley time for lunch because of scrub-down procedures. Good taco truck around there.

>>8916476
>be google
>need more infos
>must invade privacy
>get idea
>pay company
>they make juicer
>install forward facing camera
>enable wifi
>change mind
>require wifi
>enable connection to cell phone
>change mind
>require connection to cell phone
>install app
>spyware now on phone
>can now monitor milf crotch in both kitchen and bedroom

"Best 150 million I ever spent."
-Google, 2017

>>8917151
*Genentech. Also I spelled Akayogen wrong its Acheogen. I know from a friend they have a bunch of live anthrax cultures there. That explains all the smoked glass and armed guards. Whatever genetic hoodoo those guys are doing in those glass towers is advancing medicine I guess.

>>8917169
Googles creepy in this neighborhood too. There was the weird unexplained barges with secret construction all over them that came with a weird cover story. There was also the fact they bought Moffit field from the military which begs the question "What does google need a military airfield and zeppelin hangar for?", also those self driving test cars look so fucking derpy. It's weird watching them navigate crappy SF traffic better than real drivers.

Does something like this exist that isn't retarded? Just some kind of premade juicing pouches.

>>8917189
Yeah you can literally buy juice instead of giving google a backdoor to a crotch shot photo op, since they haven't got cameras on refrigerators ye... Nevermind, they do.

>>8917101
>I spend too much money on juice already
how much money could you possibly spend on juice

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>>8917250
Not him but where I live (NYC) if you buy good juice as opposed to making it, it's substantially more expensive than the most expensive beers (like imported microbrews from scotland and denmark), and approximately as asspensive as, say, an entry-level wine from a prestigious AOC. Which on a certain level makes sense since juice is juice

I mean you could head out to hunts point or union city or brooklyn, or some terrible place like that, and ask a street walker to squeeze some oranges while you hold your nose, but by the same token you can go buy some dirt and grow your own grapes but honestly who has time for that shit. Specialization of labor happened for a reason, aspie-kun

As someone who enjoys masturbating while I prepare my cups of juice, I appreciate a contraption that removes the hand-squeezing portion.

>>8917337
I think it's a new meme from /pol/, someone taught them about South American history and they're suddenly obsessed with Pinochet and stuff

i would unironically purchase this press if it were available in my area

>>8917176
>be me
>be weeb/nerd and have kinda nerdy friends
>watch google start out and get super big
>joke around with friends "lolol google is like umbrella corp lololol XD"
>watch google buy companies and offer more services and do things
>"lol guise im right look le google prolly has underground bunker for producing zombeh virus lol"
>zombie craze in full swing and i keep joke going
>google becomes even larger company
>stop joking. Start looking into what googles doing. They keep swallowing other companies and building different shit
>joke isnt funny anymore.... Im kinda genuinely scared now....

>>8916644
This. Maybe the juice product itself is actually decent, but if you go to the VCs and pitch bags of juice, you'll get nothing. If you go to the VCs and pitch a $400 wifi juicer that uses $8 bags of juice, you get $120 million.

>>8916476
Agreed. But credit is due. Have you seen a teardown of this thing? It's a fucking beast from an engineering perspective even though it's worthless as an actual product. It should be a mandatory case study on over engineering a design.

>>8917858
I assumed this was done on purpose to mystify investors. Or is it just really an over engineered piece of IoT shit?

>>8916650
>>8916764
These

>>8917863
Arrogance at it's best. Blinded by the easy investment income. They genuinely believed their own hype.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.businessinsider.com/why-juicero-press-is-so-expensive-2017-4

>>8918000
I fucked up this post

I meant to say "fiberless sugar smash of juice"

How come I can't edit posts Iike I can on reddit?

>>8918006
Because you have to own your mistakes here so you may be publicly humiliated. That will make you think twice before posting.

>>8917877
Amazing how such an expensive to build device can be completely bottlenecked by a QR reader that works when it feels like it. Like that's the one thing they cheaped out on.

>>8918000
People prefer the pretense of healthy living habits that come with a juicer to the actual health benefits of making vegetable-based smoothies. And as an owner of 2kW blender, I can see why people are eager to return those to the store, motherfucker sounds like a jet plane taking off. And I can't use it in the mornings because it'd wake up the whole floor.

>>8916476
>A USELESS PRODUCT WAS MARKETED TO A PROFITABLE DEMOGRAPHIC BY A CORPORATION

What an outrage, eh? Honestly though, anon, why are you so upset? It's not like you were duped into buying it, and the folks who did are likely so divorced from your cohort that you'd never hear of the thing without the online exposure it's gotten. A fool and their money are soon parted, and this machine was designed to go after a certain kind of mark. More specifically, fairly high-income people who want to get (or stay) healthy and are willing to throw cash at something pretty in service of that goal.

These people would throw their money down a particularly attractive wishing well if they were convinced it would make them look and feel better without a real lifestyle change, and if Google wanted in on that, why shouldn't they invest? At the end of the day, it was just a little too much of a reach to sell, but corporations pull more sinister shit than this all the time and against much more vulnerable communities.

Next time you wanna be outraged by a kitchen product think about infomercial-trash that gets sold to the poor and elderly for $20-$40 then breaks in a month rather than a $400 sack squeezer that a 45 year-old nurse anesthetist buys so she can feel healthy while she drives her kids to school in a G-Wagon

>>8918037
I think it's a piece of plastic that squeezes the juice out of a juice box for you, while having a camera and microphone to watch and record you.

I mean what the fuck are you talking about "people who want to get healthy?"
It literally squeezes the fucking premade juice out of a bag into a cup. You have got to be joking.

>>8917293
What if you found a way to spoof the QR codes and put one on your penis
Then the machine could squeeze your dick while you have two hands free to juice

>>8918059
You have to have a QR code to even access the juice?
What the fuck is going on here?
Why does this sound so terrible?

>>8918053
>I mean what the fuck are you talking about "people who want to get healthy?"
>It literally squeezes the fucking premade juice out of a bag into a cup. You have got to be joking.

That's obvious, try to understand the context of the buyer's lifestyle. They don't really know that much about health, but they have an understanding of the aesthetics of health, which have been pushed on them by corporations and products which advocate buying 6 dollar bottles of green stuff rather than consuming vegetables. For these people, owning a juicer is the next logical step in increasing the healthiness of their lifestyle. However, given that these people have no understanding of what actually makes juice healthy or why they should be drinking it beyond "getting their five servings per day", they aren't going to simply blend vegetables together. In this context, it's pretty obvious that they'll purchase the most convenient, aesthetically pleasing solution available to them. This is the purpose of the Juicero. It's not supposed to actually help anybody, it's meant to provide a convenient option for people out of the know to have something that they can feel good about.

Also, I don't know about the spying capabilities of this squeezy machine, but that's another concern that these buyers wouldn't bother themselves with.

>>8918069
Yes, it only works with their juice packs. It scans the QR code on the pack to make sure it's genuine.
Each pack has a unique code that can't be used again. This is why it requires an internet connection with the app you're required to use.

>>8918084
You mean like California right?

>>8918093
Inb4 our bread requires a username and password to access.

>>8918097
>You mean like California right?

Pretty much, but they come in all shapes and sizes. Really any place with just enough sense to know that they should be eating some fruit and vegetables but not quite enough to know why.

>>8918084
>150 million dollars from Google
>"I don't know about the spying capabilities of this machine"

Well a piece of plastic certainly doesn't cost $400, but one with a motion sensor, two HD cameras, a microphone, wifi and Bluetooth connectivity certainly does.

>>8918111
Oh, I'm not denying that they could exist, my justifiably paranoid friend, I'm only saying that I literally don't know about it. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

>>8918069
>Ensures you have a genuine juiceroo organic pouch
>Validates the expiration date has not passed
>Adjusts the pressure based on the juice pack to optimize pressure for the specific ingredients

That's their pitch on the QR code. They basically looked at kcups and said we can do that for juice but even better. Remember that Keurig tried to DRM their machines but they pissed off their customers who had come to expect to be able to use any kcup. Printers and razors do the same thing in different ways.

>>8918122
I don't know about it either but the government and Google are attempting to get into our homes at an alarming rate to monitor the absolutely nothing we do.
I don't fucking get it.
Tape the cameras, block the microphones and shoot at drones.

>>8917151
Genentech used to be a pretty laid-back and cool start-up type environment until Rosch took it over, wouldn't lump them in with the rest.

Commercial
https://youtu.be/X1oHp-VvhDE

Setup guide
https://youtu.be/-i0UugILBJg

Bloomberg takedown
https://youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA

>>8918006
>reddit
>>>>>>>>>>>/out/

>>8918696
lol baited

>>8919101
>I was only pretending to be retarded

>>8918532
From the commercial it looked like some old tech guru hired some fresh out of college kids to design and make a product and then attracted some investors
It's obviously a stupid concept but there are a lot of novel and stupid products on the market
Just watch Shark Tank to see them

>>8917277
Just eat the fruits and vegetables
If you're really need >first sipp of the day, just make a smoothie. Tastes better, you can make it in seconds (as compared to the hilarious 1+ minutes it takes to press fresh juice) and keeps all the fiber in to stop you from shitting your hip, handmade, curated, one-of-a-kind soy-ink polka-dot city boy diaper.

https://blog.bolt.io/heres-why-juicero-s-press-is-so-expensive-6add74594e50
Holy shit.

>>8916476
5 bucks says that is a money laundering thing

>>8916530
This actually makes sense. Holy hell. It actually makes sense for the first time.

>>8916650
Thats actually about 380 euro, grampa.

>>8916476
So... is this a glorified Sunkist opener, or what?

>>8916476
(((Google)))

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>>8916476
Look up the brains behind it

>>8916530
BURN THE PALACES

>>8916476
Is there a juicer out there that's NOT a waste of money?

>juice a whole bushel of apples
>get like 12 oz of juice

Just buy some juice nigga. Hell, go all out and buy high end organic juice.

>>8920324
No because juice is garbage. Get a quality blender to make smoothies with the WHOLE fruit and veggies.

>>8916491
wow I can finally make peanut butter juice
Oh wait peanut butter is already a juiced

>>8916476
video very related.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viejY6UZ5Bk

>>8920330
Or maybe just eat some fruits and veggies

>>8920387
I mean there is that too, but I fucking love me a smoothie from time to time.

>>8917101
>I want juicemen
I thought san francisco has plenty of those already fag. You sound insufferable. Drink more water.

>>8920619
Someone is a sourpuss with no sense of fun.

>>8917277

For the price of one of those juicero packets, I could buy a gallon of Ryan's apple cider, which is pretty much the best shit ever.

I could also buy several bottles of Martinelli's. Not technically apple cider, since it's not cloudy, but still damn tasty.

>autistic /g/ tripfag crossboarding

>>8917112
I want to see this now. You could probably reuse it for other things too.

>>8917277
I live in sf and there are juice stands that are 8-9 dollars for serving
It is overpriced and i hope youre not paying that much

>>8921008
>pasteurized juice
pleb
>apple cider is cloudy
only basque style

>>8922148
ryan's is unfiltered and unpasteurized you dumb cunt

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holy shit

this squeezes a $6+ bag of juice!? and it's policed via wifi? this is the greatest thing ever.

juice is a meme food anyway.
>being such a child you need to drink your vegetables so they touch your tongue for as little as possible

>>8919361
>To understand what’s going on inside the press let’s peel back the beautifully molded, glossy white and orange plastic:

that fucking pandering

>>8917101
I live in California and we have milk men in my town who also deliver fresh squeezed orange juice and the occasional Agua fresca, they cost like 50 dollars a week.

>>8916476
>You need to be LOGGED IN to your account to get juice
>You CANNOT buy the packets if you don't have an account that has been linked to the purchase of the juicer

el o el
there are people who actually bought it aside from "youtube video to explain why the juicero is dumb"

>>8922181
what's the abv

>>8922227
I mean the fact is, it is a high-quality, well-made, piece of equipment. That does absolutely nothing useful.

It's clearly targeted at the iPhone market.

>>8922148
"Cider" in American means unfiltered juice. "Hard cider" means what yurops call cider.

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>>8917117
CUCCs on suicide watch.

>>8922227
Well hes not wrong. from an engineering perspective the machine is fucking incredible.

>>8917853
I read VC as Vietcong at first

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>>8916476
>reddit spacing

>>8923353
that's not really true. it's solidly designed but solves a trivially easy problem in an inefficient manner. piss poor engineering

>>8917293
As someone who works at Google, I appreciate you masturbating in front of your Juicero. Watching you yank it while preparing cups of juice is the highlight of my day.

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>>8917853
Pretty much the latest episode of Silicon Valley and Jian Yang's See Food app.

>>8917436
They're an advertiser. That's their whole deal.
They make all their money from advertising, they collect so much data to better target their advertising, and they make so obscenely much from their advertising that they can throw truckloads of cash at buying companies and funding stupid projects without worrying about actually doing anything with it or turning a profit like other companies because all their money comes from advertising.

>>8923827
No such thing.
>>8923856
Yeah ok you are correct. That door locking mechanism alone is the pinacle of overdesigned.

>>8924456
>no such thing
Okay reddit.

>>8917176
>"What does google need a military airfield and zeppelin hangar for?"
it's very public that google is experimenting with distributing wireless internet via balloons. do you live under a rock?

>>8920324
Bench vise + bowl.

>>8920619
>Drink more water.
He can't, he lives in California.

>>8917088
>>8916508
That K-cup company, whatever the place is called, tried that trick. It doesn't work, because all you have to do is cut the QR code off the first packet that you buy and tape it in place over any aftermarket packets that you want to use in the machine.

It's so simple that any idiot can do it.

>>8923968
nigggaaaaaa I didn't know a new season had started
now I get to watch 3 in a row :3

I was going to go for a bike ride to work of the package of ikea meatballs I just ate, but now its tv time instead

>>8924689
That meme has been outdated for almost 6 months now

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>>8925762
Or do what I did and get one of these. All the convenience of making a single cup but at normal coffee price.

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>drinking juice
>let's take away the fiber from fruits and instead ingest straight up sugars

>>8926322
>He doesn't know that you can't use refillable K-Cups with the Keurig 2.0

>>8916476
Wow good thing no one is forcing you to buy it like they do with health insurance...

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the whole thing is just a massive troll

>beta glow

>>8916476
I agree anon. This is what happens when we live in a world where people don't wanna do things themselves or wanna learn how to do things themselves. That's why iPhones and Macs are popular. Sorry, I'm from /g/

>>8927110
Kek I get it

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>>8926332
Boy, have I got the product for you!

>>8927103
>Forced to buy car insurance
>Forced to buy home insurance
>Cries about health insurance

>>8927311
>buying the capability to see an MD

No wonder we rank 37th in healthcare, 2 notches above fucking Cuba at 39th. Never fear, with Trumpcare we'll slip to the 40's ranking.

>but they let us have muh guns

>>8927487
i don't believe cuba is 39
cuba has great health care

>>8927501
WHO rankings, my famalam.

>>8927501
tru but they don't have fancy CT scanning machines and high ER capacity, because their universal preventive medicine makes most of that unnecessary. And nothing inspires more confidence in my healthcare system than a bunch of ER medical personnel frantically running around wielding the latest in medical technology, fighting fires that could have been prevented with complete vaccination histories and a sensible lifestyle.

>>8916476
Technically, its a squeezer, not an actual juicer.

>>8927487
the level of butthurt you and your people are feeling makes me so happy
get the fuck over yourselves. You lost for a reason you fucking dinosaur

>>8926319
oh the drought will happen again, I can assure you

>>8918037
>Honestly though, anon, why are you so upset?
not him, but we share a planet with those idiots, not to mention over 99% of our genetic code
it's a collective embarrassment

>>8922206
>being such a normie you can eat vegetables without gagging and retching

>>8927990
>drumpf loses the popular vote
>you people lost for a reason

Yep. That's correct troglodyte. The reason is called the anachronistic electoral college.

>>8927990
you're not going to think it's funny when you need surgery and your insurance doesn't cover it

>>8927487
Oh, yeah, it's TOTALLY great!
>forced to pay $90/month minimum
>$50 copays
>like 2 doctors in my area
OR
>forced to pay nothing
>get a decent job which offers benefits
>$30/month
>$10 co-pays
Osamacare can go fuck itself.

>>8927904
This.

>>8917101
>I would like some milk from the milkman's wife's tits

>>8916476
It's always amazing to me when average people claim to know more than the CEO of gigant corporations
This product was complete shit was a mistake? No, it was probably for money laundry or a Brive of any of the other things we aren't allowed to know about
Hell maybe it has to do with some pedo ring or giving weapons to some terrorist group, that's 120 million dollars for bag squeeze machine

>>8917277
>Specialization of labor happened for a reason, aspie-kun
I hope your girlfriend gets run over infront of you

>>8925762
Each code can only be used once. It requires an internet connection.

>>8917120
>1950's milkman suit but yellow

>>8928572
Well shit. I need to buy one immediately.

>>8928223
>le ebin popular vote may may
Kill yourself.