>You will never eat a cake this black

>20 years old
>living with your parents
>no job, no schooling, no friends
>its your birthday
>parents bring their neices, nephews, and other extended family members over to have a good time
>you just want to go back to your room and play video games and be alone
SMILE FOR THE CAMERA
>cousins come in after playing and having a good time
>regret of a wasted life is visible on face even though eyes are shut
>this cake is alright

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>>8512999

>be 25
>spend birthday alone cause no friends
>want to take birthday picture for facebook
>buy smallest cake at grocery store
>set timer on camera
>run to pick up angry cat
>force a smile
>*flash*
>die inside

>>8513012
you're cute

too bad about the cat

It'll all be ok. There's always time to fix it.

>be 30
>decide you've had enough of being alone
>have birthday with your used up slutty girlfriend
>she bakes you a terrible cake you pretend to like because you're learning how to go through the motions

>be 35
>have birthday surrounded by "friends"
>they all came over to eat the cake you baked for "yourself" and take advantage of your home and hospitality like they always do

>be 40
>grab a pizza at the mall with your much younger, carefully selected wife who truly loves you
>watch your little boy play with other kids employing the social skills you've taught him that you worked hard to figure out for yourself
>Pick politely at the store bought cake your mom and sister brought while you drink decent coffee from the new coffee shop

It can get better, guys you just have to give up on the cake ever being as good as it was when you were a kid

>>8512977
heh the light peaking through above your head looks like a party hat

>>8513189

That doesn't sound better it sounds awful

>>8513213
Do you even know what you want from life, Anon?

>>8513222
To not be shitposting at 50

any more of sad birthday pics?

>>8513189
>be 45
>now divorced
>go to your ex wife's black husband's house to pick up your son so you can spend time with him on your birthday
>you can hear black daddy arguing with son upstairs
>"you should go with him, dylan. He came all this way to see you"
>"I don't want to keyshawn, he's a bitter asshole"
>hear them laugh
>Keyshawn comes downstairs
>"he's feeling a little sick, Al, maybe another time?"

>>8512999
thats pretty spot on mr trips
i wonder what he got as a present

>>8513189
I feel the way 30 yo you did at 20 sans used up slut gf, I don't know whether or not I'm better or worse off.

>>8513189
>be 30
>completely alone
>locked in the tinyest room
>worms eat my lips and eyes

>>8513236
Don't let them trap you and stay in control
Seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul

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>>8513225

this must have been a fun discussion for the parents to have with the cake decorator

>"So what are your son's hobbies? How does he spend his time?"
>"Well..."

>>8513224
Shitposting is timeless, Anon. In fact it's an important part of staying young.

>>8513252
i could use 3 cups of coffee and a toblerone right now

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>>8513252
>>8513262

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>>8513226
I didn't need those feels.

>>8513226
>>8513272
Don't worry about me, Anons. She comes from a religious family none of whom have ever been divorced and I got her when she was 17 and a virgin. Remember, I carefully selected her.

>>8513252
>17 and coffee is already part of his personality
What a fag, also what the fuck with letting this growing kid drink that shit so much they included it in his cake? What the fuck does he need the energy for

>>8513293
>thinking you're still a growing boy at 17

>>8513298
Men grow until like 25, at least physically.

>>8513308
lol keep telling yourself that, manlet

>>8513298
>he didn't make it past 5'6" by the time he left high school so nobody grows past 17

>>8513285
Actually got the same, except she was 28. Swears she will never get divorced, but we will see.

>>8513308
im 24 and the doctor says that if i grow anymore i will die

>>8513316
I was 6'5" in 10th grade

>>8513318
She was a 28 year old virgin?

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>>8513319
BETTER DRINK YOUR MILK THEN, YER A GROWIN BOY

>>8513314
I'm like 5'10 my dude

>>8513319
He means you're fat

>>8513285
So, you bought her

>>8513332
Yep, spent all her time studying and never really dated, now she cant get enough in the bed, so she could get cock crazy.

>>8513222

Of course I do

Virtual reality waifus, Evangelion 4.0, Mountain Blade Bannerlord

>>8513339
>I'm like 5'10 my dude
Impressive. By "like" do you mean in shoes?

>>8513341
Only with the currency of experience

>>8513349
I can't even judge you. Rock on.

>>8513354
>Only with the currency of experience
Damn, you are 100x creepier than previously thought

>>8513395
Creepy like a fox ;)

oh cmon, someone post it. you know the one

>>8513252
T-T-T-TOBLERONE!!!!!!!

>>8513341
Nah. Traded her for three goats.

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>>8513189
Thanks for the hope, anon.

>>8513271
fuck

>>8513412
i mean, at least he is thin

>>8513271
HAHAHA
thank god I enjoy being alone but im not a loser

>>8513508
>im not a loser

I've got news for you pal

>>8513285
Wait so...if you left your shit girlfriend at 35, and say you "selected" this girl right away at 35 as well...that would make you 18 years older than her.

That's fucking gross.

>>8512999
>>parents bring their neices, nephews, and other extended family members over to have a good time
It's probably his half-siblings from the mom's new husband considering the age difference

>>8513012
I'd date

>>8513354
I mean like as in your height changes by about an inch up or down depending on how long you stand, but my average is 6'10

>>8513285
You're shallow and a dumbass if you believe she actually loves you and won't leave you if you found her at 17. She's going to grow out of your old ass and find a respectable Chad

>>8514188
You're assuming she's not ugly as fuck

>>8513412
>dem cheets
jelly af to be honest

>>8513012

whoa shit nigga is that a skinny Chris-chan?

god damn he fucked himself up

>>8512999
>20 years old
>"wasted life"

You are a moron.

>>8514947
No, you are.

Anyone have a good cake suggestion for one, it's my 30th in ~2 weeks and unless I magically make a bunch of friends in the next few days I will be alone.
I usually order from my favorite restaurant and buy a small ice cream cake for my birthday but I wouldn't be against making my own cake if someone has a good cake suggestion.

>>8515041
Are you in the PNW?

Make a Cheesecake. Or maybe a chocolate cake with chocolate chips and ice cream. Or maybe a Tiramisu cake.

>>8515053
PNW?

Tiramisu is actually a good idea, thanks. I can make it relatively small so no cake wastage like when I make full size cakes and get sick of them after 2 days haha.

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>be mid-30s minimally educated lout with no friends or social prospects and a menial job
>remember back in school constantly being told 'with these kind of scores you can do anything you want'
>remember constantly telling those people 'go away. leave me alone. i don't want to do anything.'
>mfw i did nothing and loved every minute of it
ha ha time for mountain bikes

>>8515196
Oh, you got a pat on the head at your public high school? You must have a fucking legendary intellect. And being a wastrel makes you so much cooler, wow!

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I can't find my /alc/ thread and im too drunk to talk

start a new jorb monday. have to prep tmwr and sunday. web development sounds like shit but at least itll pay well

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>>8515201
>You must have a fucking legendary intellect.
the legendary bit is about 32 inches south of eye level. just ask your mom.

BLACKED

>>8513012
>>8512999

>be 21
>entire family plans surprise party
>everyone from friends to cousins there
>real nice swanky place
>have to pretend I'm enjoying myself
>girlfriend at the time was also there
>I love them for the effort but all I wanted to do was lift weights and sleep

Turned 30 last week here

Spent my birthday alone drinking some whisky and playing the stock market

Dont think I could have been happier

When you realize what makes you happy in life, and stop depending on others to determine what makes you happy... things that other may see as "sad" are those things that actually make you happy

Lol fuck that whole going out shit. I just want to do what I want to do, despite the insignificant opinion of others

>>>/r9k/ you sad pieces of shit

>>8515212
But you seem like an asshole and nobody will like you.

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Did you guys ever get THREE cakes for your birthday? What a lucky kid.

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>>8512977
>>8513012
>>8513252
>>8513412

>>8512999
>wasted life
>20 years old

>>8515777
If you don't have your life figured out by 20 then by the time you get your shit together it will be far too late to achieve any sort of happiness.

>>8515767
where is the third?

>>8515800
Small round one in the corner closest to the bottom of the pic. Larger round one in the left corner. Phallic one closest to the birthday boy.

>>8513412
those fucking drinks, what the fuck is that??

>>8515809

lol there are two cake a "1" and a "6"

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>>8515816

>>8515816
Looks like pudding or ice cream served in wine glasses for "fancy" presentation. It's a nice quiet detail in the piece that showcases how the guy's mom really put in a lot of effort to make his birthday special.

Also of note: the sagging cake. The cake's imperfect form clearly shows that it's homemade, yet you can see that icing was piped onto it. This cake was a labor of love, she probably spent some hours on it. What did she think about during this time? Was she wondering why her kid has no friends? Whey their kid was all alone? Whether it could have been her fault that they would clearly go through life alone?

>>8515827
Oh shit you're right.

>>8515859
>t. This cake was a labor of love, she probably spent some hours on it. What did she think about during this time? Was she wondering why her kid has no friends? Whey their kid was all alone? Whether it could have been her fault that they would clearly go through life alone?

This kind of hard hitting analysis is what keeps me coming back here.

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>>8514130
My shit girlfriend went to prison when I was 32 and I started dating the 17 year old later that year, married her when she was 20 and I was 35. Try not to think of it as "some old man stealing another young girl you could have had" and to see it as proof that you're never too old to get what you want.

>>8514188
Her family would disown her. Besides, she's very, very happy - not to mention totally dependent psychologically. I actually am happy to send her off to the in-laws house for a visit most weekends just to get some time she's not clinging to me and she still sends me almost nonstop messages and pictures of what she's doing.

>>8514196
She's fairly attractive. I think objectively she's about a 7 though she has the type of features I'm particularly attracted to. We both got a little too fat this winter and I've put us on a modest diet that we're seeing results from. She recently got a bad haircut because I wanted her to go to a walk-in beautician lol and she went to the expensive stylist to fix it but it's too short.

>>8515787
Nahhh - plus for some people the journey is half the fun. My one and only regret is that my grandma and especially my dad didn't live to know my son and vice versa but their deaths were what triggered me to take life a little more seriously

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>>8512977

I'm lucky my parents don't care enough to embarrass me with these parties and photo ops. They just let me wallow in my self pity and self hatred. They even stopped celebrating most holidays when I was around 11 because it was too much of an effort and they didn't care.

>>8513412
This one isn't that sad at all. People just moved out of the way for the pic
You notice that there is an extra box of cakes brought in, so there's at least another 2 or 3 guests at the party, which is decent.