Craigslist thread: Post stories, share funny/bizzare/shitty ads, etc.

>>736889002
Bought a TV once, that was pretty wild.

>>736889150
What kind of TV? Was it a good deal?

>>736889150
story
>green text

What's with this guy?

>sandiego.craigslist.org/esd/cas/6162700044.html
>sandiego.craigslist.org/esd/cas/6158447953.html

>>736889002
Bought my daily it was listed for 3000 but got it for 1000 because i told the guy i couldn't read the check engine light and that i was gunna take a bigger risk buying if i wasnt sure what the check engine light was for but i didn't even plug in the code reader kek. Also the check engine light was fixed with a $30 part.

>travelling through US, poorfag so pretty much hitch hiking my way through.

>see add for cheap roomshare for the night. Why not right?

>Meet the guy at the door he seems pretty nice, shows me my room it's not amazing but its a bed.

>Fast forward, its 2am and I go to grab a glass of water. Guy is on the couch, I notice he's jerking off, i'm like wtf.

>He says if I suck his dick I can stay for the week for free.

>Suck his his dick, its huge and hardly fit in my mouth, he was deepthroating me and came down my throat.

>i spent all week sucking his dick and eventually let him fuck me. It hurt but I loved it.

Not gay btw

>>736889806
That makes you gay

>>736889769
What'd you get?

>>736889887
It's not gay if it's for money faggot.

>>736889887
>being poor is gay

>>736889806
You're gay now

Met friend with benefits of CL 8/10 with slight asperges
She grows weed for her friends and make at least £10k of each grow.

Met many men for blowjobs of CL before I met her.

Life's good due to CL.

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wanted to hook up with trap because fucking /b/ made me think traps are hot, goddamnit
found one on cl, pic related

>>736892085
>trap

how do you actually find good stuff on craigslist? All I can find is the same scam, over and over again.

Never saw any real posts

>>736892085

this is the reality. learn well and avoid "traps"

>>736893021
That's not even a trap.

Meth: Not even once

>>736889806
u sucked dick dude, i don´t whant to have anything with that. (u should hve let him suck yours.....

>>736892885
Post your own ad?

>be me
>pissed off at wife
>need someone to talk to
>strictly platonic f4m section
>start talking to some chick
>4/10 she thinks I'm 8/10
>we hit it off
>fast forward a couple months
>wife leaves me because she finds out about side bitch
>crazy awesome sex with 4/10
>she buys me all kinds of shit, sends me nudes, money, anything I ask for
>wife comes back
>wife is 8/10
>go back to wife
>start fucking both
>lifeisfuckingawesome.gif
>side bitch leaves me
>longest 2 years of my life

Some 40 year old gay man made a Missed Coo ad about me after I rung him up at the grocery store I work at.

I told him I was straight but his faggotry was really flattering

>>736889806
It's not gay if he doesn't suck you back

>>736893208
>Implying that isn't gay

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>>736889953
>>736890014
>It hurt but I loved it.
nigga is gayer than Ellen D.

I sucked a guys dick off CL once.

Worried he would end up being crazy or gross but was a pretty nice guy. Came to my house, fucked my face and came, then left again.

My throat was sore for a couple hours after though (I asked him to grab the back of my head and use me as roughly as he liked. In hindsight this was pretty stupid but it was so hot).

Kind of wish I got his number...

>>736893964
How long ago?

>>736889002
>be 18 year old horny as fuck me
>browse craigslist personals at night to see about getting some strange pussay
>see ad posted by chick in sacramento
>only1hourdrive.jpg
>contact her
>she replies
>no pictures exchanged, but she says if she's not attracted to me nothing's going to happen
>say ok
>drive an hour to sacramento
>get to her place
>incredibly obese black woman opens door
>knew right away i was not fucking this cow
>we start watching bad girls club on oxygen network
>i say, "remember how you said if you weren't attracted to me nothing would happen? well, i'm going to have to do use that."
>she says ok
>finish watching bad girls club and tell her i should get going
>pic related

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>>736894079
forgot to include pic

>>736894027
early january

>>736890666
Are you the heroin try Anon ?

>>736889002
>be me at 18 years old (am 28 now)
>I post on CL trying to get laid
>Recurve response from fuckable 6/10 girl. Says she is 21 goes to state college in town.
>Says she is deaf
>I don't give a shit about fucking a deaf slut so we meet up.
>She insists on lights off cause she is shy. Says she lives with her parents so I have to sneak in window.
>So I crawl into pitch black room through window and deaf hoe just gets straight to work sucking my dick.
>When I finish she points at window for me to leave.
>I think all this shit was weird and I wanna see what I just fucked so I flip the lights on.
>And that is the story of how I had sex with a deaf post op tranny I found on Craiglist.

>>736894125
Kek anon

>>736894331
Hahaha hahaha my sides wtf :')

>>736894282
Nope, but I have smoked it many, many years ago.

>>736894218
Try emailing him

>>736894446
Do CL mail relays last that long? I thought they disappear when the original posting expires

>>736894492
I hope not, I've been thinking about getting back in touch with a guy I met a few months back.
He let me cum over his face.
He was fucking good, and he paid for the hotel.

>>736894492
They should. The relay doesn't expire immediately after post expiration. >>736894555

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>built a dresser
>posted ad on c/l
>sold dresser for $500
pic related

>>736895007
hey, that's pretty nice

I met my last ex on strictly platonic on CL. We talked for like a week, met at anime club at the college we both attended and made out that night, hooked up the next day, were fwb for a few months and ended up in a relationship for two years. She was skinnyfat, nerdy, rich af family, and about 4 years older than me. Probably would have ended up getting married it I hadn't dumped her.

>>736889002
Met a grill. She stood me up. Stalked me on 4chins. Met up one night. Was with friends (and who turns out was her bf). Got weird and stood me up again. Turns out she was a hooker.

The end.

>>736895007
Is that red oak?

>>736895007
That's a nice unit. Great job. I love 3/4 top draw dressers

>>736895007
poist this in >>>/diy/

Met up with guys a few times and sucked them off.

>>736895618
yes, it's red oak. it's all scrap from where i work. the only thing i paid for was the handles

>>736895792
thanks, anon

>>736894125
that's actually a very cute cow
10/10 would feed and care for.
no farmboy though (udders aren't touching)

>>736889528
wat

>>736893414
it aint cool but i would have let him put my limp dick into his mouth and have him sucking the limp while i smoke some crack

>>736889002
I met a meth addict hoe bitch who I had my way with for a few syringefuls and she just gave me this as collateral for like maybe "$70" worth of go fast and like maybe .1 grams now. She says she's gonna come back with 200 dollars for "the rest." I realize that she's not coming back but if she does then fucking yay /b/ successfully scammed a meth bitch and am gonna flip it for hella profit

Met an Asian twink in LA a few weeks ago on CL.
>be me, 6'4" daddy type
>posted ad to as daddy ready to top young ass
>shy Asian qt sends pic of ass and body
>completely smooth body, not much experience
>targetacquired.exe
>invite him over to the hotel, set a time
>8PM, hear a soft knock on the door
>strangely I'm not nervous at all
>invite him in, lay on the bed watching videos he likes
>he says it's a little warm in the room
>tell him to take his clothes off and get more comfortable
>he does, and I do too
>notice his breathing is getting faster, and he's fringing his dick into the bed
>lean in and give him a deep, but not overly aggressive kiss
>activate horny twink
>after making out I lick and suck his nipples, watching his cock throb
>he wants his turn
>nervously licks my cock up and down, then takes most of it in his mouth
>start playing with his tight little hole
>he moans with a mouth full of cock
>put him on top of me, eat his ass while his sucking gets more feverish
>lay him on his back with head dropped over the side
>face fuck him while jerking him
>smile as my balls are slapping against his face
>pull out and turn him around, lube up
>stare right in his eyes as I push my head against his tight hole
>he moans like a girl as the head pops in, stay still for a moment
>over the course of about 5 minutes make him take more and more dick
>eventually pounding him with his legs on my shoulders
Cont?

>>736892085
That an ambush

>>736897718
i forgot to take the pic lol cuz I'm 18 and my uncle (with whom I live) would kill me (quite literally) if he knew that I was doing this so I haven't checked what the collateral even is yet...

f

>>736897883
>feel him tighten his hole against my cock, making me crazy
>put him on top, watch him ride for a while
>start jerking him as he bounces that sweet ass on my cock
>he warns me that he's going to cum
>I encourage him, tell him it's okay
>he shoots all over my belly and chest
>cutest orgasm ever
>I ask if he wants to keep going
>he tells me yes, he needs to make his daddy cum
>I flip him onto his hands and knees in the edge of the bed, standing behind him
>he gasps as I slide back inside him
>start powerfucking him, pulling a handful of hair
>he goes crazy, moaning and grunting, the smack of my hips against his cheeks getting louder and faster
>I tell him I'm about to cum
>he wants it in his mouth
>good boy
>I pull out, flip him over and unload on his face
>he swallows all that ends up in his mouth
>takes my cock in his mouth and sucks me clean (I wore a condom in his ass)
>gets dressed and leaves, thanks me profusely
>wake up next day
>10 messages from twink
>wants me to go to pick him up, go to dinner, see a movie, and "is hungry for more"
>clingy x 1000
>eventually fly home, block his number

Moral of the story: Asian thinks are a blast in bed, but I've found they can get clingy af when they are fucked well.

>>736889002
Saw an ad of some guy wanting to pay a girl to fart on his face.

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>>736897883

I've told this story before on here...

>Browse CL, MF 4 M
>Couple wants another M, we trade several e-mails, agree to meet at hotel near my work
>I arrive at hotel room, husband and wife (mid 40s) are both in their underwear, husband in chair next to door, wife on the bed
>she tells me to come over to the bed, and she unbuckles my belt, fishes my dick out and immediately starts sucking my dick
>husband is encouraging her, asking if she likes it, etc
>thus goes on for a few minutes, husband tells us to get naked, I dont complain
>I use my own condom, she never asks about one or provides one
>husband tells me to fuck her from behind, he is jerking off, but whatever
>husband comes around in front of his wife, wife is on all fours and I am behind her.
>I think he wants to splitroast, Good with me
>instead, he lays on his back, and slides his face under his wife's snatch, where my balls are hanging down.
>I look down and this dude licks my balls/taint
>I tell him to stop that shit, that I'm not into it.
>He appologizes, and is still jerking off, his wife is moaning and enjoying it, the dude licks my balls again. Not an accident
>I pull out, tell the dude I am done, and he apologizes again, says he will sit back in the chair and finish jerking off
>the wife lays on her back and tells me to come fuck her so she can cum, she says she needs to cum
>I get over her in missionary, she has her arms wrapped around me, moaning and begging me to fuck her deeper
>hear movement behind me, dude is less than a foot behind me, with his hard dick in his hand, guiding that fucker toward my ass
>know i'm getting raped, disentangle myself from the wife, she was holding me down, jump up, grab my shit and hit the door

And that how answering a CL ad for sex almost got me raped.

I've had like 2 girlfriends from Craigslist.. dope way to meet bitches..

Have gotten plenty of jobs thru craigslist also..

Bought a set or Jordans off craigslist also for a really good price

>>736899213
>not jamming a rapex up your asshole before

you were practically begging for it homo

>>736899213
Well yeah, the couple wanted another dude. The guy would have to be at least a little bi to be in on that. Doesn't surprise me at all he wanted to fuck you as well.

>>736899381
>no homo

>>736899213
>Guiding that fucker toward my ass

My sides

>>736899499
They should have said that in the e-mail. The fucking wife was holding down so the husband could fuck me
Maybe they thought I would be into it in the heat of the moment

>>736899499
This isn't true at all faggot. I've met up with three couples off craigslist, and none of them wanted bi stuff. Even when I DVP'd the girl with another dude it was for her and neither of us were doing it for our enjoyment.

Although tbh he should have been able to pick up on bi vibes through their post or by talking to them. Any time I see "looking for someone open-minded" I nope the fuck out of there because it means they're looking for a guy who will suck dick.

>>736890666
You got my attention. Would it be possible to see a pic of your friend?

>>736899722
lol there's no situation in which rubbing cocks together is not gay, even if it happens inside a vagina - dvp is totally bisexual, faggot

>>736898523
Can confirm. Super clingy, must block most of the time. Nice story.

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>Have father that bashes gay's anytime they're brought up
>be at home alone while he went out with some chick to a concert
>need to use computer for something but it's dead
>borrow his
>he has tons of tabs for gay hook ups open on craigslist
>wtf.jpg
>also has his email open
>talking to some guy about how he wants to try something new and wants to suck a guy off
>turn off his computer
>never speak to him about it ever
>dad continues to bash gay's anytime they are brought up

>>736889806
>he was deepthroating me and came down my throat.
>i spent all week sucking his dick and eventually let him fuck me. It hurt but I loved it.
>I loved it.
>Not gay btw

>>736900995
Do you base sexuality based on the things your dick touches or the things your brain is attracted to? Idiot.

ill share a few CL stories if you all want to hear them. they are from an era i call "THE DARK TIMES" in between my last long term relationship and my current relationship, 2008-2009.

ill start with a positive one
>horny, lonely, 21 year old me
>just broke up with ltr of 4 years
>still fuck buddies with ex, feel like sex god
>respond to CL casual encounters post
>girl says she likes it rough and has big titties
>meet up with her to see a movie
>no idea what movie because we didnt watch it
>like 5 min in my hands are up her skirt and my cock is diamonds
>fingering her like a $2 whore in the back of the theater, shes dripping everythere
>im like we're leaving, she nods
>do about 90mph accross town back to my house
>proceed straight to bed, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
>proceed le fuq
>asks for it harder and harder until i'm balls deep slapping the shit out of her
>she gets on top
>rides my dick harder than its ever been ridden before or since, legit worried for him
>tittys are pretty nice
>she cums, i bust a nut in her, idgaf
>thinking this could be a good thing
>go outside to have a smoke
>she has cloves
>proceeds to tell me how they "get her high"
>so turned off by her stupidity that I never call her again
>next morning i discover that my whole crotchular region, especially around the base of my dick, is literally rubbed raw from her furious fucking
>ice was my friend

do you guys want more cl stories?

>>736902847
sure

>>736894079
And this is why I won't drive the hour to Sac for CL posts

>>736902847
same time frame...
>respond to cl post for some lady that likes "role play"
>well aware that she is probably old and fat but ive got several things cooking now, why not
>text elaborate roleplay scenarios boss/secretary sort of stuff
>invite her over one day
>havin a drink on the couch
>she is fat, not zeppelin fat but fat
>she is ugly
>puts hand on my leg
>ok lets do this
>theres some fingering and what not
>never end up fucking her, i think she was too self conscious and chickened out
>i got the best blowjob of my entire life
>that ugly bitch could swallow a cock like a goddamn twinkie
>it was so soft it was like fucking a cloud
>she had the movement down, the rhythm
>cocksucking pro
>came buckets
>she said she had fun and left
>blocked her number and moved on

coming up next: stage 5 clinger

I easily fucked 100 regular chicks and 50 hookers off Cl in its heyday. Tinder and all the apps killed Craigslist. You can still get laid but not like it was.

Fucked 3 married chicks in one weekend one time.

>>736903675
stage 5 clinger
>respond to more traditional w4m cl post
>meet "rachel"
>talk to her for a while, meet up for drinks at local restaurant
>holy myspace angles batman, shes a whale
>have decent convo anyways, try to let her down easy
> tell her i have to go to another city 2 hrs away for the weekend for work (this is true)
> drive out of town
> next day... get text: 'hey anon guess what? i figured you would be bored out here by yourself after work so i came! i am at (main intersection in town) where are you?'
>im like.... wtf.... then realize this desperate bitch is dtf
>give her my location
>invite her to dinner
>return home
>fuck like animals
>not a proud day
>next morning she is heading back home, and says she has to stop at cvs on the way out
>i go with because i want snacks
>mfw she buys morning after pill like its no big deal
>despite being 100% clear that i wasnt looking for a serious relationship, things got worse once i got home
>texting all the time
>angry that i dont pickup my cell phone at work
>finally had to lay it out for her
>she was fucking crazy
>why did i do it

>>736904251
You're one sick mother fucker haha

>>736905261
lol i didnt think anyone was listening
if i get a few responses ill type up "milk tits" for yall
and maybe the one about the 45yo lesbian

so many confusing times

>>736905377
Let's hear it, mein neger.

>>736905377
Bumperino.

>>736890014
nothing wrong with being bisexual

>>736905377
Cmon nigga tell us about milk tits

>>736906008
damn i tabbed out ok im back lemme type

>>736889806
>got cum in his mouth and probably let the balls touch
>doing the only two actually gay things and calling it not gay

>>736902847
>le
Kill yourself.

>>736905893
Nothing wrong with being poor either

File: jessica milk tits.jpg (5KB, 150x200px) Image search: [Google]

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>>736904251
MILK TITS
>once upon a time, the DARK TIMES, i responded to a w4m post from a girl named JESSICA
>we end up talking, it got kinda serious sounding, but she said she wasnt sure it could ever work due to a difference in our religion
>one day theres a knock at my door
>i find a note
>then i look up and see someone getting in their car
>"uh can i help you?"
>see her face... it Jessica....
>um... how did u find my house? what are you doing here?
>oh anon i just wanted to leave you a note. but you know im an attorney it was easy to find you
>this is true btw she really is a lawyer, i was in law school at the time and i looked her up
>"well ur already here do you want to come in"
>fastforward about an hour, we are making out, hands goin everywhere
>shes very odd in person, socially.....giggly...
>then she says to me "its a shame you're overweight because ur really cute."
>i play it off like nothing but inside... i was furious, my perverse rage was boiling....
>but i play it cool and get to the pussy and... its... so soft... so wet... and so goddamn tight i can barely get a finger in
>shes horny as fuck but feels super guilty about it so we dont fuck
>but while im fingering her she OUT OF NOWHERE goes
>"I want you to lick milk off my tits"
>me: ...wut
>"i want you to dip my titties in milk and lick it off"
>now, today, i would have been like... challenge accepted
>but poor 21yo me was so caught off guard i was like... um.... yea that sounds like fun but i dont have any milk
>she mad a sad face
>i fed her my cock
>blasted a load on her face
>then i was like "bitch gtfo my house"
>the look in her eyes.. she was like "WHAT????!!?!?!!"
>so I dropped the bomb: "You showed up at my house unannounced, called me fat, and asked me to dip your titties in milk. You're fucking crazy. But I came on your face so now we are even. Get the fuck out."
and that was the last i ever heard of milk tits.

shes practicing in california now. i will indulge you with a small photo

>>736906985
Mild cherubinism

>>736906985
Jessica Zimmer. Ding ding ding

>>736907316
yup thats her
lol did you think i would care

>>736906985

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-zimmer-a42b422

>>736907436
again yes that is her why the fuck would i care i told you shes insane

>>736907472

im going to send her this thread enjoy.

>>736907529
ok go head
i mean thats a stupid thing to do but ok why the fuck would i care

>>736907427
Calling her, letting her know I have some milk, and the need for an attorney

>>736907594
anyone want another story?

>>736907603
lel that is a MUCH better idea, please let me know the result.

>>736904251
I'm interested.
>>736905377

>>736907651
Gah, It's Sunday, office is closed. :(

>>736889887
>implying

>>736907789
>>736907651
Would email work? jessicazimmeruf(at)gmail.com

>>736889528
Dunno but im from SD

>>736907958
i doubt shes going to respond on a sunday man
stop being a 12 year old

>>736889002
>spend months obsessed with mw4m
>finally find a couple in my town
>they reply
>its just her replying, husband just wants to watch
>they want to do it in an hour
>ohfuckineed2shower.jpg
>she asks me to trim my pubes, I ask her to be naked and on her knees when I walk in
>go to seedy motel, heart racing
>watching porn on my phone to "prepare"
>get room#, walk up, knock
>no turning back now
>walk in, she's a thick Blondie late 20s. Naked and on her knees.
>im nervous as fuck, she pulls out my cock and sucks me as in standing
>husband watches from motel room chair in boxers
>getting hot, ask to lay on bed
>she then gives me the worst blowjob I've ever received
>no hands, mouth like the Sahara
>so bad I can't even stay hard cause it feels weird
>husband is watching his wife give an awful bj to some random 20 year old
>play w her pussy, it doesn't help get me hard because the sucking is so unimaginative
>just the most bland, vanilla blowjob ever
>getting disappointed, really wanna drop a load on this guys wife's face
>she's "getting tired"
>pull up pants
>"better like next time" is what I think I said
>got in car
>drove home
>jerked off
>shouldhavejustdidthatoriginally.gif

>>736908060
Sounds like she might like a 12 year old, as long as they lick that milk!

>>736908041
Not from East County, I hope. People like him don't make sense.

>>736896200
Wow, nice job. Are you cabinetmaker at work?

>>736897718
You deserve each other

>>736907603
My sides

>>736902847
>>proceed le fuq
kek

I've never had any success hooking up on CL.
I don't know if it's because of where I live or what.

Most I've ever gotten are some heated kik chats with some women who weren't actually DTF.

>>736908977
Send the kiks?

>>736907529
The type of anons that ruin it for everyone

>>736907603
6.7/10 On avvo I'd look elsewhere anon

>>736904251
>"Myspace Angles"
Good reference there boyo

>Sell my kids crib on CL
>Husband/wife come to pick it up
>Wife is fat, no kid in the car
>Ask husband when wife is due
>"Uhhh 6 months ago"
>ohhh, I just called his wife fat and said she looks like she is preggers 6 months after she gave birth.

>>736894079
>>incredibly obese black woman opens door

L O S T
O
S
T

>>736894331

then clearly you're gay

>>736897883
>>invite him in

so gay

>>736901388
Should raped your dad. He's a faggot so it's fine.

>>736909604
No shit. Like the rest of the story didn't give that away?

>>736894331
star kek

>>736889806
>No one thinks this is a girl
Never change /b/

>>736889002
>Be me, at 18 y/o didn't really go out too often not my scene. Virgin
>Don't want to date a girl but hard to pull one
>Browse CL and see milf looking to fuck a virgin/young guy in my country
>She only stays for 2 days and leaves back to US
>Talk shortly over the mail before she gets here the next week
>Tells me after 4 days she's married and her husband wants to watch

Continue?

>be 16
>lie and say I was 18
> want to try giving a blowjob, specify absolutely no anal
>guy with really big cock responds, looks fit as fuck
>meet with him
>he's old and fat, doesn't look like the picture at all
>fuckthat.jpg
>start to get out of his car
>he grabs my wrist and says wait
>pulls his dick out
>it was him, just an old picture
>drives me out to the middle of nowhere
>start going down on him
>he gets out of the car and sits on the hood of his car
>tells me to pull my pants down
>remind him I said no anal
>he says he just wants to see my cute little butt
>do it
>he tries to pull me down on his lap
>resist
>he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back and slammed me down on the hood of his car
>fucked me raw with only the dried up spit from my blowjob really hard
>was my first time with anal, and he was hung as hell
>hurt like fuck
>he finished in me and drove off
>had to walk about a mile and a half home with a bleeding ass and destroyed self esteem
>immediately went in to the shower, sat down in it, and cried while blood and cum leaked out of me

Craigslist, never again will I use it.

recently single. Been gay/dating men my whole life but i'm thirsty as fuck for some pussy. been browsing CL w4m and mw4m lately and jerking off to the ads.

Probably too chicken shit to do anything about it but I would love to fuck a chubby chick in front of her husband while sucking him off/doing what he told me.

Had a half dozen CL hookups with guys in the past but that was around 8 years ago.

>>736910820
Holy fuck you're right.. Thank you.

>>736911828
Go on

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I used to sell weed that I bought from Craiglist, on Craigslist. I would just change the name (but take real pictures) and raise the price a little bit. I probably delivered a minimum of 1/8 oz. to around 100 people over a few months.