When I was a small boy, my mother used to spread her legs and

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When I was a small boy, my mother used to spread her legs and expose herself to me very often and do light sexual things with me.

Now I'm 29 years old and I'm still bothered by it. I'm attracted to women, but vaginas become repulsive to me. I like them on one level, but if I look at one for too long I start to think of what I went through as a child and it disturbs me because it reminds me of what happened. I guess cartoon or anime ones don't do this, usually. I've dated women before and avoided sex with them for this reason. I've tried dating guys, but I'm just not attracted to masculinity at all.

I really want to get over this, but I can't afford therapy, not that it's something I want to even talk about with a doctor anyway. I'm not sure what to do and I'm afraid this is going to last for the rest of my life. My mother is still a part of my life, she tries to call me every day and although what happened is 20 years ago and never spoken of again, I still hate her for doing this to me. I just want to know, is this something that I can overcome? Is this always going to be apart of who I am?