GIOYC -- Get It Off Your Chest

Anyone else just feel like they're constantly surrounded by evil people? Like, there is just not a single decent soul left on the planet?

I think the reason why I still had a bit of hope left in me was because I kept telling myself it's just men, but really women are just as bad, if not, worse.

I've tried to do my best to be a good person, but I feel like there's a couple people's lives that I've either ruined or could have helped. It haunts me every day and shows no sign of slowing down.

>>18379654
There's good people out there, but being good doesn't make an impression like being evil. Just do the best you can and you'll meet those who do the same

I really want to kill myself because I've given up on pursuing my dreams, starting a relationship, improving myself or even finding a new job. I don't want my friends to know but I need to tell someone.

I feel like theres a piece of me thats missing, and even though i think that a gf or money will make me feel better, I can't help but feel like i'm still going to be incomplete even with those.

>>18379654
>just men
hahahah

your rude awakening was well deserved you cunt

>>18379694
Mich?

Someone gave me $1000 and they want it back, his wife already found out about it. I'm worried if he'll do a charge back on paypal or try to find me. I already made plans. What do i do?

>>18379694
do you have a greater purpose anon? or are you just kinda going through the motions? I stopped feeling that missing piece stuff when I started making real goals. like overarching life goals based on a system of values. not just, I'm gonna lose weight, I'm gonna make money, I'm gonna whatever. I mean, I'm going to live this way, for this reason, to this end. it helped that I was always kind of like this, but I never really had a reason behind anything I was doing. everything was fluid and nothing really mattered. now everything matters. more stressful, but I don't feel like I'm missing anything.
>>18379688
why'd you stop? fix the reason why and keep going. "I didn't get the thing I wanted immediately" is not a valid reason btw. doesn't matter, things don't work that way. when things don't work you come back at least two times harder at them. nothing worth having is easy to get.

Im gonna move the fuck on from my misery. Fuck social media. I'm deleting every fucking app to prove myself I don't need to feel like the old me anymore

>>18379610
If the costs of college had been made more clear to me from the beginning I imagine I might've chosen a different path. Now I have so many loans I've lost track and I'm very aware that this is contributing to runaway inflation and screwing myself financially in the process. I want my life to slow down and so I can actually read through all my $200 textbooks. I want to read and learn and keep learning. Reading is difficult because I've become tense and impatient.

Everyone around me is tense and inpatient, and constantly staring at their phones. My parents are addicted to Facebook and I haven't had an in-depth conversation with them in a long time. They've got conspicuously short attention spans.

yeah, show it, just a bit ;p. we'll have good tension, which for our personality types is a good thing. this'll be fun. don't be surprised if you are smarter and I act like a dumb at least at first. half my brain is going to be stuck thinking about you instead of things to say.

>>18379610
I ruined the lives of several delusional losers that think their socially awkward dumb asses are gorgeous. They are so stupid they think they have magical powers.

>>18379610
I don't know what is wrong with me.
There is no meaning in my life and I have no identity. In respect to the latter, I am sometimes amazed that I even have a name, or that my mind is somehow connected to the person I see in the mirror. I have no defining qualities, and I am overall an average and boring person. I don't like conversation because I either end up with nothing to say and stand there, or everything I do say makes my superficiality more painfully obvious to me. I have a hard time registering emotions, and I don't think I have had an emotional connection with anyone ever. There are instances when I realize I should feel something, but I don't and that is the most disgusting and eerie feeling. For example, my sister's wedding, or more recently when someone asked for help with a problem. In both instances I felt as though I should have been happy for my sister, or experienced some form of sympathy for this person and their problem, but in both I was completely neutral as if nothing was happening.
I have no aspirations and the only reason I haven't attempted suicide is because it isn't worth the effort. All my life I have been a weak person. I am sick of existing, but I don't care for dying either. I realize I will never be happy, or make other people happy, unless I change myself but I don't even know what is wrong with me. I have no one to whom to vent, so I posted here.
Any suggestions, /adv/? Thanks.

Time to die

I have asd, adhd,ptsd, loads of other shit, hide it all away and people can't tell, girls are the root to all evil, everyone thinks I've fucked a chick but I'm a Virgin at 20, I blame girls for literally being such bad people, because I certainly haven't done anything wrong

>>18379762
I guess you are right. I've been coasting along quite a bit. I've often set goals that are very straightforward like you said, and they usually work, like I lost 50 lbs over the summer a year or two ago, and transferred to the university I've always wanted to, but I've been stuck with this logic on finding deeper personal relationships.

Do you have any examples or experiences of doing this yourself?

>>18379654
I used to despair a lot and found it difficult to believe there was more good in the human world than bad. Now it seems more that good things happen and bad things happening are inevitable. We can make a difference but we also have to share the pain we go through. And then try again.

I'm fucking astonished by happy I am after this breakup. I think I'm entering the anger phase, but FUCK YOU for sucking the joy and life out of my soul and life for four years. So glad my old friends took me back in after I dropped em for so long foolishly, and tomorrow me and the boys are hitting the fucking bars!!

>>18379654
Be the change you want to see in the world

my friends are hanging out without me again

today was going so well before that

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>>18379806
You're already on the dark side of the moon friendo. Why not go all the way? Perhaps THAT is your destiny. There is no rest for the wicked, we are cursed for eternity.

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I want to see this world burn so badly, it's actually hilarious.
What the fuck man.

You were seething, I get it. Needed someone to abuse, I'm one of the only people you have around. The closest, physically, and you're used to having the upper hand because I willingly give it to you. You were smart to stop talking when you did. I'm trying to hold up my end of the bargain and put hurt feelings aside because I do care about you and I believe the way you were speaking to me stems from your own inner turmoil. You want to lash out? Push and push people away until you're alone, again. Feeding into that cycle while complaining you want out. All you see is yourself, you've got blinders on. I'll stick around for a while because I love you. I'll watch you wander the woods alone. Don't abuse me. Contrary to what you may believe, I don't actually need you. I want you, I lust after you, and I do care, but if you left my life today it would have little to no impact.

So I just made out with a girl I've been harmlessly flirting with at work. The thing is my wife is at home pregnant. I've never cheated before and been with my wife 7 years. Not entirely sure why I did it, but Ive already told the girl it can't happen again. If my wife wasn't pregnant I'd have told her and been prepared to leave, but I don't want to cause any problems during her pregnancy.

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https://youtu.be/qbtbZUmljDI

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I'm a human piece of garbage with no job, studies or self-steem, but recently a girl got interested in me (I don't even know how this is possible in the first place).
She is one of the best persons I know and I'm crazy for her, but it scares the crap out of me to dissapoint her or accidentally hurt her.
Should I let her go?

I know you said you never had any intention of dating me, but I don't fully believe you.

I know I only recently came into your life, so when I asked you out, you probably had a tough time deciding between me and the guy you were crushing on.
Then when you gave me that talk, even though you said it wasn't important, it was because you still hadn't decided and me acting distant made you think I wasn't interested anymore.
By Oweek, you had decided on me but I fucked up really hard and ended up convincing you that I wasn't interested anymore.

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>>18379610
Fallen in love with a 30 something neighbour of mine who is a real qt and single. She helps me with maths. What the fuck do I do lads?

>>18379806
Read how to make friends and influence people. Listen to Tony Robbins audio on sound cloud. I was like you but i came to realise that anything can be learned and mastered. Emotions can also be learned, most people learn unconsciously at a younger age. But anyone has the potential to learn it starting at any point.

Treat it as a game and you're the avatar, kinda treat your life like SIMS at first, after a while it becomes natural and you will look back and cringe. In other words fake it till you make it.

You're life will be better

I guess I just have to quit.
My batteries are dead, and if I don't want to end up the same way, it's time to go.
You're not worth this much trouble. At least I been able to help others with the experience I gained.

If not me, someone deserves a happy ending.

>>18379806
Also read Neil Straus "the game" it will help you with holding a conversation.

Listen to Sales trainers speak on YouTube.

Hope it helps it did for me.

I started at 18 now im 27, it took a while to master but i legitimately feel emotions now and choose what to feel at any given moment. Not to say that i dont feel depressed from time to time, its natural to feel down, i just know how to get myself out of it now.

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Every Saturday I have some group activities and some girl I like will be there. But also some guy friend of us both, that also likes the girl, is always there and it will be awkward as always, I can't make a move on her like this. He only wants to hang out with me and/or her and I only want to hang out with her or with the group as a whole. He doesn't leave me or her alone. I know this is kindergarten level of stuff but I'm tired of this, I wish he'd just stop showing up for a weekend or two.

>>18380386
>I wish he'd just stop showing up for a weekend or two
you know what you must do

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She fucking tore me apart and took everything with her
if after all that work I can only keep a relationship going for 3 weeks, I guess it just wasnt meant to be and being alone doesnt seem so bad anymore

>>18380279

Remember, whats new and exciting becomes old and boring.

Your fling with you co-worker would have eventually died out too, if you pursued it.

You are having a child with a woman that you've been with for 7 years, thats no small feat. There is a reason for that.

I guaratee there was a time, maybe when you started dating your wife, when the flame was there, you were happy, in love, just the thought of her would make you smile. You were so happy you went to the point of marrying her.

The thing is you both let the flame die, its not anyones fault, remember what is new becomes old. It is up to us to renew it as much as we can.

The question is, would you, for the sake of your child and the woman you once loved, try and fall back in love with your wife.

I dont know your situation and cant imagine what you're going through. I just know that 7 years and a child is not something to take lightly.

Court your wife again, bring her flowers, tell her how beautiful she is, sit one day go through pictures of happy times, dont forget the sad times but cherish that you grew together through them. You'll notice that, the more love you give, the more you'll fall back in love with her.

Do it before you lose someone special, i almost did.

I have no idea how to handle a girl with BPD in a LDR.

She gets anxiety attacks and starts up the classic "Why do you love me. I'm filth you should hate me" speech and I can't hug her so that she goes to sleep since I'm 2 towns away.

But otherwise she is all over me like a fly to shit. And I love it.

>>18379688

https://soundcloud.com/self-development/the-power-of-transformation

>>18380305
No idiot better your self now you have a reason to.

Even if it doesn't turn out in the long run. You now have something you otherwise didnt have.

If it wasn't for my wife, at the time she was my girlfriend, my life would still he coasting along

>>18380421
That's my plan. I want my marriage to work, especially with a child on the way so really don't want to mess the marriage up. Especially with a girl who is willing to go with a married man, I realise it's not a good way to start something.

Every time I start to think people aren't looking at me I catch them looking at me, circumstances have made me extremely sad lately so I guess my resting face is attention grabbing, I've also lost a lot of weight since I haven't been eating and I am also a loner narcissist on some level so I naturally think when a girl does it it's because she has been having premonitory dreams about muh dick since she was 12 years old even though I don't make any kind of effort whatsoever to look good. I live a life without any friendships or social interactions with my dad who I suspect to be dying right about now and my always emotionally unstable mom(they are both long-term alcoholics). I am desperate, it's a very unattractive trait from what I read, but it's just who I am. Then there's the summer with all the lightly dressed attractive girls. I can't reconfigure my face right now, I just can't. I am ashamed of my own narcissism, but the other possibility, that life and the world just rejects me like an animal rejects a puppy who has acquired a bad smell from somewhere is just to painful to me right now.

How can you be so fucking dumb that you give up the game not only for yourself, but everybody else involved

>>18379654

LOL like men are fucking angels, anon? Don't be an idiot. People are just selfish by nature and you are too.

>>18379846
>I certainly haven't done anything wrong
Cowardly Liar detected.jpg

>>18380279

Omg you are absolute scum

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>>18380279
your wife deserves way better than you

>>18380351

Fuck the shit out of her, if you can.

Whenever anybody tells you that they love they're lying
If anybody tells you that they care they're lying
All lies

>>18380523
>>18380530
Yes I am scum. I can't deny this. But my God I feel fucking shit about it.

>>18380546
>But my God I feel fucking shit about it.
you should

>>18380475
I seen this little white girl yesterday at grocery store. It was her mom dad brother and her. She wore a grey romper Wich was very revealing. I was waiting in the car for someone to come out of the store and I seen them walk by her ass cheeks hanging out and I'm like wow. I'm thinking do they not see what she's wearing. I get up and go in the store too. I couldn't find my friend or the girl so I start walking out and I see the girl people paying for something already so I wait by the door ...they walk by ...they stop outside the door the girl bends over like nothing shows ass pussy lips no panties on

>>18380269
So just message me, I've been thinking about our time together a lot, you need to make sure the next move is exactly what we both desire. I miss you.

Is there any hope for us?

>>18379771
>get some credit cards
>pay loans with cards
>wait
>file for bankruptcy
You can't win when the game is rigged, but you can cheat.

I have no motivation to ever get a job, I'm gonna go down the NEET road.

>>18379771
Because you retards fell for the marketing HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry I don't respond but I just don't want to talk to anyone right not, not just you

>>18380219
Its not you, your friends are just fucking normies, forget them

>>18380624
Initials?

>>18380219
kek I remember when I had this problem, it changed after I got better friends, then I liked hanging out with these new people. Until I developed an (unrequited) crush for one of them and now it's sort of painful. Besides the rest all became more mature, got girlfriends or boyfriends and we aren't so close anymore.
If you don't like hanging out with them you need better or no friends imo.
I'm a huge loner myself, I make the most out of my time alone and really appreciate being alone so I know I have "real" friends when I would rather hang out with them than be alone.
I currently only have 3 or 4 of this kind of friends. When others want me to hang out with them I make up an excuse (or maaaybe tell the truth if it's for an activity I don't like anyway)

That's right wait until God hears about this, he'Ll be well pissed

Have you read Jesus on divorce? He was a very confused man.

>>18380532
Advice on how too?

I need to open my eyes to the horrors as well as the wonderful things of life. And I need to do it now!

If I just had one person supporting me and caring about me I wouldn't be stuck in this state.

Your mouth was made for mine. No one else has left my lips tingling and filled my soul up with warmth. I keep gliding my fingertips across my mouth hoping to feel that sensation again. But fate has to be cruel like that. It dropped you in front of me at the worst possible time. You belong to someone else and I know that I will never have you besides those short moments we spent together.

You feel something for me but I know that I could never measure up to her. That's why I won't cross that line any further than I've already have. I hope she keeps making you happy for the rest of your life. I really do wish that, even though I'll long to be in her place.

>>18380305
fuck no you idiot. get your shit together.
>>18380542
bullshit. most, not all. I make a general rule not to say those things unless I mean it because I've been in your shoes and I'm not going to hurt people like that. also I'm not fond of lying because there's far too much of it. does not make me the most successful man with the ladies when I could be, but I don't do casual anyways.

I'm legitimately terrified of not being able to fall in love.
I have a crush who I stereotypically project onto like many other people do with theirs but I'm afraid if I actually do date her I'll fall out of love or never form a really close bond with her and hurt her.

I don't know who this person is, I can't stand their voice, but I'm learning a lot of real stuff about you. I like, even more now. I'm going to stop watching this because I said I didn't want to learn about you like this. also then we really won't have anything to talk about other than just verifying things.

>>18380569
Alas, I wish you were really the person that is intended for. While it is not impossible, it's highly improbable. If you were the person, I would tell you I have no idea what you want except that I know it isn't me. And that's probably for the best as much as it pains me to say.

>>18381000
>I'm afraid if I actually do date her I'll fall out of love or never form a really close bond with her and hurt her.
stop being afraid. everyone projects at least a little onto their crush. the trick is to get at least in the ballpark of who they are and then be able to accept what is different from your projected image of them.

gf of 3 years tells me that two years ago she made out with a dude b/c she was doubting our relationship. she was in alaska, i was in ny. she felt alone. they made out twice. i flew out and visited for a week. it sucked. i didn't know why. suspected, asked her, but she denied. i left. they made out again but then she cut it off and came back and now says that when she returned to me she knew she wanted to be with me forever. we're engaged. she hid this from me for 2 years and then told me b/c i made a joke like "if we have secrets, the wedding is off." so i cancelled the wedding. should i stay with her?

I want friends, but I've always been a social outcast. I never really developed social skills and I don't know what normal people do on a friday or saturday night or if they even want to meet new people.
And since I've just been here for the past 11 years, my hobbies and interests never really progressed beyond videogames or anime.

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one for the girls
how do you even approach a girl in public
I always felt weird about just going up to a girl as a complete stranger. I feel weird when strangers walk up to me to talk, so I assume its weird for the girl

>>18380433
>"Why do you love me. I'm filth you should hate me"
You realize she is only saying this because she is fucking other people right? She won't ever tell you this because she's terrified of abandonment but this is for sure the case.

Girls with BPD can be an entirely different person depending on who they are talking to. She's going to deny the cheating up and down but she for sure is.

You're going to say "No, she would never do that! That's not the type of person she is."

And I have to tell you this now, you have no fucking clue what type of person she is. Everything you know about her is a lie. When you eventually find out (which you might never... but you will be torn to pieces eventually) she will redefine what you think humans are capable of.

>>18381302
It's only weird if the person who is approaching behaves strangely. Ask about something casual, "do you have directions to X" is a good conversation starter. Ask about a coffee shop or a place to eat (what places they recommend) and then if all goes well end the conversation by asking if they would like to join you some time. Make sure to smile and keep your hands visible.

>>18379762
Well all of my successes are basically the result of things I didn't have to work hard for or luck and so when I don't succeed right away I become disheartened and more depressed. My depression and anxiety are pretty severe.
>>18380437
How do you make something a must?

>>18381351
That may get shortened to as low as possible (usually, new inv system not withstanding here) before they started to get worried about her cheating on you.

I wish I could feel something different for once.

So, am I not even allowed to try to have a relationship if I'm not fit? I never get any responses at all on dating apps and I don't really drink enough to warrant going to bars so I'm at a loss.

>>18381437
Girls enjoy being with guys that take care of themselves. Even if you're not an alpha Chad, being fit is a huge bonus. You will feel better about yourself and show it, girls will be more attracted to you and express interest. Take some time for yourself and lose some weight/gain muscle. >>>/fit/

>>18381452
I can never stick with diets because I don't see any results quick enough

I'm so empty, it's burning me up from the inside. I am nothing. I'm alone.

You did so much nasty disgusting shit to me how do you sleep at night. How the fuck did you feel comfortable lying and saying all that shit. What the fuck was your problem this is all your fault. It fucking disgusts me you lost it to someone else. Fuck you I hope you burn for that. I'll never forgive you for the rest of my life. All lies

I've never been a priority to anybody, not even my parents. I just want to matter to somebody for once

interesting.

>>18380882
Initials please

It's always been ok for others to abuse me. Always in groups because they're cowards

it doesn't feel like anything is going to happen, despite the things that.... might be? verification.

looks like I'm going to die soon.

Maybe its best I keep away
I wish I could write everything I think to you instead of just pretending I don't care

>>18381750
Did it ever occur to you that maybe they're mad because they think you don't care at all? That they're mad because they think they are entirely dead to you?

I'm obsessed with someone, and really don't want to be.
He doesn't even think of me as a friend. I know that if I keep imagine me being anything more than an acquaintance with him it will only end in heartache.
He's literally all I think about, though.
Not even the sexiest guy alive.
Just something draws me to him and has my mind hooked on him.
I know it's unhealthy. I just don't know what to do about it.

>>18381788
ask him out?

>>18381788
>>18381788
You're obsessed with him because you haven't obtained him yet. Once you do, if you do, you won't care anymore. Get over it or realize this. There's a difference between loving and obsession.

T. someone multiple women have been obsessed with

>>18381750
>>18381778
This.
You need stop play these mind games and just be straight with this person. Hold back doesn't help for shit.

>>18381535
That's because you try to run before you learn to walk.

Don't bother with diets - just eat smaller portions than you used to. Cut out the soda and other sugary crap, and grab a veggie now and then.

Work out three times a week. Make it a habit instead of a task.Set out small goals, and work to reach them. Then you can gradually get more and more into it.

Don't do it to become ripped and for the girls. Set it out to do it for yourself, and for your health. Whether the rest will follow after or not would not make you disappointed and quit, but eventually you'll feel better, and that's what matters.

>>18381827
nah we're in entirely different social and economic classes
he's in a frat, top 0.1% of American economics, and I'm a pleb
dating me would be social suicide
I would really rather find a way to get over him

>>18381839
So that's where the wind blows from.

Then just realize you're not attracted to him but rather to his status and move on.

Eventually you do hit the point when you have tired everything. You hit the point when you're out of ideas. I hit that point with you. I have tried all I could to show you that this relationship meant a lot to me. You act like it didn't but it did. That's why I tried to hard to build something together. I'm sorry that I didn't make this relationship worth your effort.

The only thing I have left to do is walk away.
Take it easy, even though I am heartbroken to see how things fell apart, I have to understand when to move on amd just wish you best. I can't really be angry, just sad that it has gotten to this with person I love, loved. The only winning move now is not to play and walk away.

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>>18379610
Oh man where do I start, someone at work took notice of me, I had suspicions they wanted to be more than friends and I have been single since I broke it of with my last gf a year ago. Haven't tried to get laid or have any social contact outside of work since then due to depression. But it was nice having a conversation with someone about anything other than work. But damn has it taken a wild turn she is married to a cop and is exceedingly bored with her marriage. And shit is getting a little out of hand a little to fast for my liking at what point would I cross the point of no return?

give me. the interview. I have never gotten an interview and not gotten the job, I'm that good. you give me basic info on problems you have I'll have solutions to you and basic implementation plans by the end of the 30 minute interview. get out of your own way, and out of mine, and give me the interview. I need to get out of this shithole hellishly hot city and this is part of that plan. I promise to leave you better than I found you and you will have better trained employees. give me the interview. I know, the resume says I had my own business and that's scary cause I'll do it again and leave you, but this isn't a personal relationship this is business and you need my skills and experience, and yes I will be leaving and starting my own business again because you pay enough to live but not enough for me to have a family. you have high turnover anyways, at least have high turnover with someone that can help you.

I'm going to start forcing people to interview me.

>"oh yeah go online and fill out the resume form, attach a copy of your resume, then fill out the work history form, finish the 300 question survey designed to weed out 99.99% of all applicants. then fill out the form saying you're a straight, white, non veteran, non disabled, male and that we won't get a tax credit for hiring you, and we'll be sure to give you a call back.
how about here's my carefully put together resume, lets talk about your management and sales team problems for 5 minutes and I guarantee we'll end up being here an hour and I'll start tomorrow.

there's a reason I never hired through a third party placement company or through all this bullshit. if you can't put the time in to actually personally vet people, you'll get shit every time.

bahaha i'm 19 and i'm about to buy time with an escort fuckkk me

I think I want to break up with my GF of two years.

But its hard, she is away this weekend, and today I got so nostalgic about times we had spent together and how beautiful it all was. I have sacrificed a lot for her, and I want her to succeed and do well, and I want her to be happy.
We live together, and I don't know if the romance has died, but I sometimes feel like there could be someone out there better for me. The other week we had an argument in the evening that wasn't resolved the same night. While I was at work we just started venting at each other over text. She said something that alluded to us breaking up and I just felt a weird combination of dread and optimism wash over me.

I legitimately thought about getting an escort this weekend, just to see if my issue was that I was just gagging for something physical with someone else. But I decided against it, I couldn't bring myself to hurt her.

What's the point if I'll never be the best? I keep trying to do things and succeed but all I can hear when I do is that there's already someone better than me and I'll always ultimately fail. I just want things to go well for me, and I want to be able to work hard and actually achieve something without constantly thinking about everyone that's better than I'll ever be.

>>18379610
I love tickle torturing the living shit out of goth/emo girls

>>18381698
He would never be on 4chan. I'm sorry.

Do you feel this way about someone, dear anon?

Dealer keeps fucking me over bro. I need to get this weed so I can bang some whores. But he keeps dicking me around. I am not going back to Tony man. His prices are shit bro, why do you think you're my main now. But you are just fucking me over with this shit, take my money already goddamn dude and hmu

>>18382243
stop smoking you degenerate.

Miss you stay safe

Did you go see him? I mean he's the reason you pushed me away and ruined our potentially great summer. If you haven't, that means he has little interest in you now. If you did, what happened?

I fucking hate you for lying to me for months and telling me we'd get back together after your trip and pretending you still loved me.

Why the fuck would you choose a useless wigger pothead over me?
I hope he leaves you before you cheat on him like you did with me and your first boyfriend, it's all you deserve.

I don't even know what to do with my life anymore, I'm so lonely and I just want to die.
I don't have any friends to do things with and I hate doing things alone.

I'll just fuck the fat bitch and get it over with. I simply can't keep my morals and views in this current society.

woman, you really get my blood pumping. this isn't going away, but I need to focus. I'm here way too much watching for you.

>>18382352
don't do it. it's not worth it.

>>18382361
Well, I already had my first kiss with her and I didn't care really.

>>18382369
seriously

I don't k ow how to feel. I offered my services to ghostwrite erotica. I actually got some hits! Like, for real human money!

But all the requests have a heavy overweight balding male as the main character. Jesus, as someone who literally has no shame, I'll take the gig, but man, my soul hurts? Or I'm just super grossed out with it cause it's not my cup of tea, but whatever I need the money.

>wanted to write erotica for money
>got what I wanted
>it's not with good looking people
>sad sigh

I'm drunk and I'm feeling way too many emotions.
I want to express myself in ways other than having another drink

>>18382395
anon, no one into written erotica looks good.

>>18382395
How is that a problem?
Just exaggerate your own insecurities

Shit where'd you get this gig?
I'll write anything. I got a fucking degree for it.

I don't enjoy life.
Every night when I go to sleep I hope I won't wake up.

>>18382419
Then change it

>>18382431
How would I go about changing life?
I can change my life, but I can't change life in general.

no, I've never done hard drugs. poked some smot like a retard when I was living in the mountains at 21 or so.

>>18382438
>but I can't change life in general.
oh ye of little faith. dick slap life and bend it to your will.

>>18382309
What happened

>>18381642
Story?

You love me. You fucking love me.

>>18382482
>broke up with me a few months ago.
>few weeks later we started talking again and spending all our evenings talking on Skype like we used to, we had a lot of fun
>she kept talking about the things we'd do together, complimenting me and telling me we'd get back together after her trip (1 month in Germany)
>fast forward to today, 3 weeks into her trip
>I wake up and see a message she left me
Basically, she tells me she'd been frequenting this French guy she met on the internet (a total loser) for the last few months and spent her whole trip with him.
She also tells me how the trip made her realize he's the one she cares about and how she continued talking to me because she couldn't move on.

>>18381452
Not me. I love em' stocky, with dad bods.

>Nothing to live for
>No one to talk about how I feel
>No one to support me
>No one to give me real advice
>No one to get drunk with
>No one to have the first cigarrete with
>No one to hug
>No one to love

Dear god , Im really reaching my limit , probably I will be dead soon or later because of my stupid behavior , I can´t stand my own existence anymore .
And one more time , im just complaining about everything when it´s just my fault

>>18382604
What's up bro
I'm pretty drunk
So talk some shit

For a little while you don't need to be totally alone.

>>18382604
Fuck friends. Fuck love.
It all gets you hyped and then when they leave? You are left worse than before.
"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" shit. You become addicted to it, you change, your brain changes, and think thing will be fine. Then it gets taken away.

Like a drug addict. Fine something else.
Go out for a run, go lift.

Hope is worthless. It's just delayed disappointment. Actions anon. Find anything that makes you smile, and chase it. Get hungry and bite and snarl. Life is meme, but end it and no one gets to laugh.

But if you need to talk to someone, maybe spill some here. I offer my eyes and ears to you anon.

Talk amigo.

>>18382634
Most of what you said is at least partly true

But friends are great
Nothing makes life more worth living than someone asking about you

>>18379610
>Love my bf with all of my heart and soul
>bf has the sex drive of a pebble stone
>finally gives his okay for me to fuck other guys
>FINALLY fuck my friend from the pub whom I couldn't hang out with before because of akward sexual tension between us
>fuck him every damn week now
>fuckbuddy and I are both autistic sex addicts
>I mean, LITERALLY
>finally found another Asperger I like (seriously, usually I just wanna smash those high end retards' skulls in!)
>he's an idiot, but he's an idiot just like me
>I still love my boyfriend, but I think I'm also falling in love with my fuckbuddy
>fuckbuddy seems the feel the same
>bf is not bi, sooooo...
>FML

If I didn't have my parents I would've killed myself years ago.

>>18382644
Care to elaborate?

>>18382634
While you are right , there is nothing anymore that makes me happy , nothing makes me wanna do this anymore
But doing literally NOTHING all day is killing me , and I can´t go out by myself because my anxiety (Yeah yeah , just go out and those things , right ?)
At least with friends , I did something more than cry in the dark of my room
Also thanks for the support , Anon

>>18382650
I just don't see a point in anything and I'm only staying alive because they'd feel bad if I died.

>>18382634
> You become addicted to it, you change, your brain changes, and think thing will be fine. Then it gets taken away.
Not him, but I really relate with that.
I used to love being by myself, I thought I'd be fine being single forever.
Just doing what I wanted when I wanted, not a single care in the world.

And then I got a gf. And then she broke up.
Now I feel like an addict living through withdrawal, I spend all day wishing I'd find a new one as great as she was.

>>18382658
Are you me?

>>18381843
Initials?

>>18382674
Depends. Are you a jobless loser (although I did have one, just got made redundant) who is 90% sure of their autism who constantly gets babied through life by their parents and is unable to fend for themselves as a result?

>>18382658
I've been there, brother.
The only reason I didn't kill myself when I suffered from a severe depression (I still carry that shit around with me...) was the fact that I KNEW how it feels to stay behind when a loved one kills themself.
I didn't see a point in life either, but I still kept crawling forewards. Didn't want to be THAT guy, you know.

>>18382638
>>18382655
This goes to both you. Some may or may not apply.
>Friends
They are, but we can't keep them forever you know?

Look, what I said is partly a joke.
Mostly that. Friends are great but you find them and have fun with them that's all. When they go, you just smile and wave because they came into your life. Simply that.

If life sucks, if there is no hope, when you think you are about to fucking do it? Don't. It's not worth it. Everyday you wake from that short slummer is another chance to change things.

If you stop waking? You can't even try.
Trust me, we don't get 2nd chances.

Hope is hopeless. Actions and drive, even when you don't have it, force it. Not fake it, but force yourself out of your own comfort zone.

Do it for yourself. Fuck every other person out there. Fuck even as I say this to you, fuck it and me.

Behind every cloud, there's a bit of sun. After every night, a sunrise. And even the darkest nights have the moon and the stars. Nothing is hopeless, not as long as we wake up and breathe. Some days are just harder than others, some night a bit darker. Things will get better, so long you keep pushing forward. Life is struggle, and to struggle is to live. Keep fighting for what will make that sun rise for you everyday.
>>18382655
>>18382659

Look friend, I know about anxiety, depression, PTSD, they took 15 years away from me, not because I had those condition, because I let them. Because I dug myself into a pit and allowed myself to feel comfort in that darkness. It cost me a lot. Family, friends, and the woman I loved the most out of all.
Yeah the withdrawal is fucking hell. But you have to find something else to think about, you have your mind back. Use that open thought power for yourself.

>anxiety
For the anxiety, you have to push against it, push every other person out of your mind and kept yourself in there. Start very small. Like read a book while sitting outside.
1/2

>>18382634
>Fuck friends. Fuck love.
stopped reading.

>>18382689
I have a job, but I did get babied through life by my parents and I probably have aspergers.

>>18382658

THIS
>>18382689

Been there, done that. Saw worse example, got my shit together.

A,
I only wanted to know you were listening.
But you never were.
-A

I really want it to be Christmas again.

Or just next year sooner.

Or just not now.

>>18382697
I lost my job 2 months ago and I would give anything to have it back, or just any fucking similar job. The lack of schedule has severely fucked me up.

>>18382709
I don't doubt it.
The only time I don't feel as bad is when I'm working.
As soon as I get home the loneliness and depression hits me hard.

>>18382719
Normally [spoiler]video games[/spoiler], [spoiler]masturbation[/spoiler] and [spoiler]4chan[/spoiler] would fill the void, but when your whole life's the void it gets hard.

>>18382634
You know , Im at a point were I don´t know what so say when people tries to give me support
Im here just to complain , like every other human likes to
I just feel really empty , and worthless , you know , im supposed to be in the best years of my life , but im here just seeing how other people is happy when im here just consuming myself , I wish requested suicide were legal here
Everyday I just come to /adv/ just to see the normal problems of other functional people , sometimes I even pretend that im somewhat functional

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>>18379610
>be college student gurl
>roommate is the sole friend of a lonely guy
>play a while with him online with him and her (but over the net)
>roommate keeps on bothering me about him, guilting me about how shy I am around him in real
>don't buy it at first
>but over a few weeks of her explaining my defenses begin to wane
>"anon, he's graduating soon and all he wanted to do was make some memories with us"
>feelsbadman.jpg

>today finally go to her today saying that I'd like to hang out together with the two of them
>um, no anon, I was just kidding around and it's finals week!!! (while she's been on her phone for a while), he doesn't care, lol

Is this a little extreme? Last week she wanted to fake her own suicide to play a prank on our other roommate so...yeah, she's not really beyond playing jokes like this but...? Really? Basically most of the jokes she plays on me relate to my social anxiety in some way--jokes that patronize me for the way I am. Am I just asking for it?

>>18382727
They don't fill the void for me anymore either.

>>18382694
2/2
After I came back from my deployment, I broke down and spent 2 years in my house. It took me 6 months to start leaving my front door to get the mail. 6 ft from the front door to the mailbox. Anxiety is hard to get past, but you need to seek help on your own. No one will help you. That's the truth. They have their problems, and even when they worry and care about you they still have themselves in mind.

I spent almost 10 years dealing with major depression, which then became full blown apathy. Nothing brought me joy, and then when I did feel it, I would question it. You have to stop that. You have to look at yourself, see what triggers that and fight it back. It's what makes us human, we fall but we have to keep moving forward, even if you're just crawling brother. Crawl, you don't have to run forward, just move forward inch by inch.

You may think you feel nothing, but the fact that you hate what you are now, what you likely see in the mirror, that's something. Hone it, use it and change yourself. Not for others, that will lead you back to the same hole. For yourself.

Find anything that even strikes a feeling in you and take hold of it because that's a sign that you are still alive and can still change something.

Trust me, you don't want to be to the point where you put one in the chamber and have the barrel of a M4 rifle in your mouth, only to pull the trigger and hear 'click' as it fails to go off.

>>18382732
> im supposed to be in the best years of my life
Meme friend. The best time of your life is when you make it the best. Let no one define that time for you. You do that. When you die, when you reach that end, you are the only one going. You want to live in a way where you can say "Yeah that was good, I'm good to go". Because what will someone saying "anon, was a good person, once you die'?

>>18382697
Guess what? I've got aspergers too, my parents pampered me, I still need help with tax shit and my lingering depressions sometimes make it hard for my bf not to kick me the fuck out.
But I'm TRYING. I'm a green haired punk, I smell bad, people are scared of me and I flip everyone off who gives me shit.
I stopped caring about what people might expect of me, I don't owe anyone anything just for my right to exist. If I fail, I fail.
But it's better to try and fail
than to lay down and wail!

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>>18382709
>schedule
...I've been playing off a lot of my lack of doing anything to my laziness.
But all this time I just haven't had a schedule. Hmm...

>>18382744
"You want to live in a way where you can say "Yeah that was good, I'm good to go". Because what will someone saying "anon, was a good person, once you die'?"
No , not really , I don´t care anymore
I just want to death and think "Finally I can rest a little , right ?" , I don´t want anyone to remember me , I don´t want to bother anyone with my dead , that´s leads to me to the only reason I din´t kill myself to this day , I don´t want to bother my parents , I don´t want them to be sad because of me , even if they are already

>>18382763
Seriously, it makes a difference. I've been out of work for 2 months, and as a result I've been sleeping in, which has in turn fucked up my sleep schedule, which is why I'm shitposting on a chillean cave painting forum at nearly 4AM.

>>18382766
>I don´t want anyone to remember me , I don´t want to bother anyone with my dead , that´s leads to me to the only reason I din´t kill myself to this day , I don´t want to bother my parents , I don´t want them to be sad because of me , even if they are already

What makes you feel this way?

>>18382781
My own existence

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>>18382773
> shitposting on a chillean cave painting forum at nearly 4AM

>>18382786
What about the person you see in the mirror causes you to feel this? Not just physical, but inside?

I can't be closer and pursuing is out of question. Every night I wake up and this is in a corner of my mind. I'm happy and I'm not. But I'm slowly losing the grip. Nauseating.
Little dream, little sorrow.

>>18382795
Nothing I can really specify , it´s just , everything
I corrupted myself in a way that I can´t tell if im the same person anymore , it just feels out of place , cold , and empty

I'm depressed and suicidal.
Can lifting actually help me or is it just a meme?

>>18382741
All I'm getting is that she wants you to fuck him?

>>18382813
It helped me out a lot. Like anything else I suppose it varies from person to person.

>>18382803
are you a guy or a girl?

>>18382813
It might. Depression and suicidal thoughts are the worth when you give them the space in your mind.

Lifting gives you something else to focus on, allows you feel something else, even if it's just physical discomfort.
But if it you actually push yourself to do it, it can work wonders on your mind.

I been biking, running and doing some light lifting to take up my free time. I do feel better, just a bit. But anon, any improvement is good.

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So I turn 25 2 months ago and am currently taking a summer courses,the work is long,boring and daunting,not something Id like to do but I get in done.Iv stopped doing the things I enjoy because I feel they don't advance my goals and so I lay in my bed and do nothing for afew hours contemplating because to me it's practically the same and wasting time on meaningless things that don't advance my goals(videogames,anime,tv,friends,the spice of life etc.),What do I really want? There's nothing pulling me and I cant just erupt passion from within at the snap of a finger to do what I think I want to do.I got done with a whole week of class work and had afew hours to myself but friends pop by and there went my hours at a friend's house.Do I have to let go of them too?Do I have to let go of everything in order to focus on finding what I want and pulling motivation from some place so deep it rips the very fabric of soul to the surface and boils over to every person I meet and talk to with the love of his craft even if I can find something to love?

>>18382707
A,
Why don't you ask

-A

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>>18382814
Maybe? She's just been throwing me mixed messages. I don't know if she was just trying to prank the shit out of me like she does to everyone...

But you might be onto something. She kind of plays around with the idea of me dating him because she rejected him a few months ago because he's physically not her type (which is weird; she claims she's into "emotional connections").

>"oh, anon, all I wanna do is see the two of you fall in love and be happy"
is something she brought up before I seriously met him.

More recently when the "dating him" thing actually became a thing this came up:
>Me: er...you're joking around about this, right?
>well I was but he just said that he's totally open to it--he likes your long sexy legs (which is desu an insult if that's the best reason why he'd wanna date me) and wants to break into the dating scene (he's a forever virgin)

...And then she goes on to imply that he never gave a shit about me/hanging out with me in real to begin with despite always reminding me about him. Wut?

Also, she likes to say that she loves me...in a lesbian sort of way. Honestly it's hard to tell whether or not she's joking sometime. She 100% likes to fuck around with my feelings.

>>18382804
I felt a lot like that, I still have those days from time to time.
To be honest it's hard to fully help others mange. I most just do things to feel something or anything. Apathy is terrible, you feel broken but nothing else. I just started doing things, well, things I can do on my own. I workout to eat, and I eat to try new foods.
I don't feel much, but I taste food.
If you don't want to die you won't. You have to find something to grab on to everyday.

Now I feel like going out for some sushi.

Can I talk to someone here?
I'm feeling emotional about things

There is no benefit to stressing yourself out. Learning to live with mediocrity is more fulfilling and easier than clawing your way to the top. Everyone alive today will be dead in about 100 years. The assembly line worker and the CEO both end up in coffins or in urns. The circumstances may be different but a dead man never cares about those.

Here's the story of how I got cucked and had medicine sized blue balls

> Be me, 18
> I'm looking at grils snapchat and she's at a nats game with her cousin
> I tell her I think her cousin is kinda cute
> She's drunk
> Says I should hook up with her instead
> wutshappening.jpg
> So then the next day we start chatting and stuff, starting to flirt, you know how it goes
> I'm getting excited
> She's a 9/10
> qt3.14
> The next day we're back at it
> But it's getting hot
> I'm at a hibachi restaurant
> She says she loves that shit
> And that I should take her
> I tell her I might
> And that she's gotta earn it
> She picks up on the hint
> She's like "oh yeah I can earn it"
> Now I know she's dtf, and she's gonna give me a good time
> Says she's gonna rock my world
> I suggested netflix and chill, or Saving Ryan's Privates (since she had never seen it and said we should watch it sometime)
> "Really anon? That's the movie you pick?"
> wut
> I ask what she would wanna do if we chilled
> "What do you think dumbass?"
> I said gimme a hint
> Expected dirty talk
> "I'm at a soccer game so I can't"
> :o :o :o she's gonna send nudes
> She gets home and I ask for hint again
> Tries to give me some of my own medicine
> "Sorry anon, you gotta earn it"
> Ugh, gotta be cute.
> I start flirting
> "You're making this hard, but I'm not gonna give up, cause I know you're worth it"
> She says I'm starting to earn it
> goingforthekill.jpg
> "If I told you you had the perfect body, would you hold it against me?"
> Few minutes later
> BOOM
> Her
> Standing there
> No shirt
> No pants
> Just her with a pair of dark red panties
> "If I sent you this picture, would you hold it against me?"
> jonahhillspinning.gif
> She's so fine
> I gotta know what she's hiding
> "I wanna know what's under the red"
> She says, and I quote "come and get it"
> I want her

>>18382884
Fire away anon. Even if I can't help, I'll read it.

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>>18382897
> And now I know what it is I'm getting
> I'm real excited now
> We plan to go watch planes take off by the potomac.
> Real romantic
> The next day she tells me she can't go cause she had to take her sister somewhere that night
> sademoji
> No kissing on the riverbank for me
> But then she hits me with the real killer
> Another guy
> Someone she's been like, interested in
> Became available or something
> So she's gonna pursue him
> He doesn't want her to be seeing two guys
> "Sorry anon, we can't hook up, at least not right now"
> FUCK
> ME
> I WAS THIS CLOSE
> she said 'come and get it'
> mfw it's my first time getting curved

>>18379806
Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

>>18382833
The latter. Does it make any difference, though?

>>18382901
I'm older than you
Not to diminish you or anything
But that fact remains
I'd "old" by most reckoning done here

There are so many thing I want to express myself about
But I'll restrict myself to one alley of that in this post.

I am joining the military. I have a university degree.
So I get to be an officer right off the bat
Pretty cool
But now I'm worrying that I may be too late. Again
I started this shit a year ago.
In May/June of 2016.
I missed shipping out. Missed BMQ/BMOQ

Now I'm fearing I'm doing it again. I sacrificed so much to get this far
Been living with my sister since September of 16.

>>18382908
Stoicism only helps if you know where you are supposed to be

>>18382859
I sit and consume all this all these stories,experiences and knowledge for a spark of inspiration or passion ,looking,looking deeper and deeper, finding nothing truly and when I find something I get tired of swimming in the depths as it sinks below cant keep up with it anymore then begins my new search deeper and deeper I go.

>>18382886
everything matters, everything you do has an effect, the assembly line worker and the ceo don't leave equal wakes or legacies. I stress myself out not for myself but so that I'm leaving something better when I'm gone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-sYDf0YGv4

>>18382926
mhm. long distance guy? or emotionally distant guy?

if nothing happens tomorrow that means nothing is ever going to happen. That you fucks will keep fucking with me forever.

I'm killing myself tomorrow. For sure this time. This was the last bit of hope I had and without it I'm sure death is better than living as a prisoner.

I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm still in love with a girl who doesn't want me and already started dating someone else.
I hate my job, I need a new place to live and I guess I'll try college again after giving up 9 years ago but I don't even know what I'd study or whatever. I don't really have any kind of dream job so I don't know what kind of degree to get.
I just either want her to somehow fall in love with me or to find someone else so I don't have to be alone anymore. And even though there's so much other shit going on I can't take her off my mind. I just don't understand why not. Did I do something wrong or did I never have a chance from the start?

I am so fucking alone
And I have no reason this will ever change

Didn't realize you were so close to everything, I'm sorry, that can't feel good. I can tell from the look in your eyes and your voice it's difficult. you've got this, things will get better. if I could I'd give you a hug.

Covfefe

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All I have that motivates me anymore is hatred. I'm still polite and gregarious for the most part, but all I feel is disgust and contempt for pretty much everything. Also I think if I don't hang on to my hatred I'll become suicidal. I tell myself if I give into those feelings everyone I hate wins. I feel that's all that's keeping me going.

>>18382878
I always did.

I have a very naive and idealistic view on love and romance. I'm disgusted by how hung up I am on this. I believed in shit like the concept of soulmates, I loved the idea of doing cute stuff with someone. I like thinking that someone could be affectionate with me and maybe even intimate.

Unfortunately... these are all ideas. My mind and my heart are not grounded in reality. I'm a disgusting idealist. My first relationship went up in flames because of this. My second one was admittedly not as bad because at least it happened more spontaneously, and while I was upset that it ended, I acknowledge that there wasn't that strong of an attachment (though I still care for her a lot). However, that also meant that her and I were able to remain friends after a bit of an awkward period. I'm still at odds with my first ex.

And then I ended up falling for someone again after that and that also ended terribly. Now I'm going to be more reserved than ever when it comes to meeting people, and yet I want to meet people and maybe find someone meant for me. I'm stuck in this sort of loop and I fucking despise that I get hung up on people so much because I care so little about myself and my mind is POISONED with these ideals.

>>18383108
Then I guess you're not mine

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Life is so confusing and mundane, I spend my time smoking ganja and tobacco mindlessly browsing this website. At least I have a roof over my head.

I don't know, people ask for cigarettes. What do? Ask the women if they wanna smash like a boss playa getting high? Fuck that.

Please respond. I haven't talked to someone in depth for months.

>tfw don't yet have the power, money, or influence to make a real impact
>tfw thought you were doing something by organizing hordes of people and spreading knowledge
it's really not doing anything and isn't nearly enough...

>tfw marriage and a family seems like a small dream now.
tonight I want to go to war but my country won't let me.

>>18382989
The whole thing is a sort of weird accident.
We grew close, but I'm a much older woman. Kind of mentor / pupil relationship.
I have my sanity in check. I'm not interested in pursuing him romantically, as we are at two different stages of life. We are both aware of this.
Sexually speaking, I simply don't hold that kind of power nor I would make a fool of myself.
It's still not clear how did this even happen to me. Deep down I feel miserable but I will get over it, it's a matter of time.

i feel like i am a terrible person and i am but i've never told anyone of my friends what i have done, either i've lied about it or told it just not all of it and now someone is suffering because of me and i can't do anything else about it but rant here

I need to get off this fucking board and off this fucking site.

>>18383167
how come?

I haven't showered in 4 days. I've been stoned when I'm not working and I've been surrounding myself with people so you don't cross my mind so much.
I wonder how you're doing. I'm angry with you so I'm not going to ask, but I really do still love you and I really meant it when I said I always will.
I'm so depressed. I'm so fucked in the head lately. All I can think about is death and it's weighing on me so heavily that I don't really know who I am anymore. I keep finding new ways I could kill myself but I'm also trying to get better and don't want to hurt the people I love. Right now that means staying alive I think.
You told me it was hard for you at first but the way things are going for me I still think you have it way too easy.
Imagine being willing to drop everything to be with someone. Imagine giving them everything you could possibly give to help them become successful. Imagine being taken for granted, and left once they realize you had a few mental health issues.
No matter what you say I refuse to believe what you felt for me was love. I know love- it's powerful and unconditional and when it's come to the way you treated me it felt like I was feeding you so much of my time and energy and you just haven't ever felt what it's like to want to give the world to someone.
I hope you feel it someday. Perhaps not with me, but I really hope you do. It changes everything.
I'll let you be free because I'm not someone who will make you happy. Not in the way you need it. Be kind to yourself; you have so much growing to do Hawkes.

I'm in love with a whore, it really fucks with my head because I'm always thinking about her while she's probably getting some dick elsewhere.

>>18383211
Stop it

this chick didnt show up to a party that i invited her to so i told her that we should do something together she told me she was down. ima take her out to a movie and i don't get a simple "yes" i'ma just say fuck it and move on. i aint dealin with this bullshit.

>>18383212
I can't

>>18383211
does she know you exist?

>>18383220
Her and I used to be close friends up until January. Most of my experience with women was with her, I'm still a virgin though.

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...I was always fat. No joke. Wish I had a baby pic of me to post. I think throughout my adolescence I had this narrative:

>my body's bad but my face is good--I'm happy about my appearance, all I have to do is lose weight!!

And I had my share of confidence in this along with other things. Life was good though grade school despite being otherwise autistic and chubby...I loved how I usually "proved" myself in some way, like be the top of my class one year, or even one-up the valedictorian in some amazing feat once. I barely tried yet did so well. I got compliments. No one bullied me.

Then, downward spiral. There's several layers to it, but one of the main causes has to do with my appearance. In the past year I've lost weight only to realize that the problem was something else...

My skin's shitty and I'm ugly.
I thought it was many just acne, but no, it's rough as fuck and even a few weeks on a great regimen has done little. I think other people freak out over having their picture taken, but me? Seriously. My skin looks hideously rough, gray, and thoroughly beat up. I look at other people and they look similar to their pics. And me? Seeing the truth in pictures is sobering. Even the shape of my face is off...Chin juts out and, what the fuck, my nose looks so huge and bulbous in the eye of the camera...even my "beautiful Pocahontas/model cheekbones" as people call them look fuckin disgusting when I smile. Like an ugly chipmunk's. I honestly look like a monster. No other girl looks as bad as me. I bet I've never been called ugly because people just want to be nice to me.

And then I look at my body...though I'm still thirty pounds overweight and haven't worked out yet, it's...bodacious in every way. But this doesn't matter. I think I'd prefer to have A-cups, stubby legs and arms, and no ass over having an ugly face. I can't help being depressed over this...my body isn't even a plus, it's just something people can use me for.

I hate myself so much...

>>18383227
do you think she also feels something for you

Can't help myself from jerking off to my ex who was a cam girl.. Every time it just gets me depressed afterward.

>>18383299
She told me she had feelings for me in the past. Im not so sure whats good with that now. We recently started hanging again after months of not talking to her. She was literally begging me to talk/see her. She ended up laying down beside me and started cuddling with me the other day.

>>18379610
I'm getting sick of everything around me.
I've been drinking more, using more drugs than normal, playing less vidya and eating much less.

I feel almost isolated from everyone, two years ago I was having the time of my life, partying, doing everything under the sun, no relationships or sex since I always want to find someone that I care for properly rather than mindless sex, and now?

In my whole life I've only come close to two girls, and it's never ended up well, I notice I get too anxious whenever I'm interested in a girl, I hate it, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them.

I struggle to figure out what to do on a Saturday night, I want to go out, be young, go out and party like I used to.

Instead I feel like my engine is on fire, I'm stalling to try get the flames out but it seems like the crash is inevitable. I could try figure out how to get rid of the fire but instead a big part of me just wants to drink and pursue this hedonistic existence until I crash.

The past year or so have seemed so repetitive, I feel like I've been reliving the same 5 days, over and over and over again. No variety, like I'm checking an imaginary checklist of "what to do today", the same few boxes to tick

My friends keep joking and at the same time asking seriously if I'm depressed but I'm not sure if I am, I've had depressive episodes in the past but I am not suicidal, I kinda am used to enduring the struggle and I don't think I'd be willing to kill myself before a few of my relatives die. If I was depressed though, I really don't want to burden anyone else with that, that's my own issues I have to sort out, I just wish I could distract myself a bit more though than I am now, cause I just keep sitting alone, thinking to myself.

I just wish I could turn off the ability to think, I'd say I would be better off without it.

>>18383310
maybe you need to talk to her about how you both feel

>>18383338
We talked n shit a couple weeks ago. But I didnt get too personal with her. I can't bring myself to talk about my feelings like that, I'm not that kind of person. I dont wanna come off as clingy, desperate, or a bitch. Plus I wouldn't even know where to begin.

in a toxic situation that im trying to fix while being talked to by the girl you first fell in love with that moved back to her home country and is currently traveling the world....

i fucking hate feelings man.

and im almost out of alcohol.

fuck

I don't think this needs it's own thread but,

Should I quit smoking weed before I see my therapist again? I haven't seen her since I was 17 and I didn't smoke weed back then, I'm 24 now.

Some people on this thread feel like they have to be somebody. you don't have to be anybody but yourself. there is no afterlife/heaven or hell. If you are living for other people, you are delutional.

I need to learn how to stop this. Feeling for nothing. This sucks, but I have to ask you... how do you do it? How do you not think of person? You have said that I meant something to you before, so you have figured out how to stop thinking about another right? How? What's your secret? Do me one last favor and tell me how to forget you?

>>18383378
Distractions help. Working on oneself helps.

>>18383257
That's way too exaggerated to be factual. Unless you look like the kid from Mask (you would've known before losing weight), you aren't as ugly as you think.

Weight loss gives you a whole new face and it takes a while to get used to it. You were probably telling yourself you weren't that fat every time you looked in the mirror so your mind filled in blanks on what your face looked like and none of it is accurate.

If you don't like your skin change your diet. Drink more water and eat less meat and more fruits and veggies.

Regarding your body, you are describing body dysmorphic disorder but I experienced something similar when I lost weight and if you are American, you probably can't afford therapy. Luckily you can fix this yourself.

Keep losing weight and find ways to feel confident in who you are and/or your appearance (things like wearing slutty clothes, posting pics online, sexting, makeup, fishing for compliments, go on dates, get a hobby, try new things, find a form of exercise you find fun, meet new people, put yourself out there, do something that scares you, whatever you gotta do to in order to get you out of your head and into the real world).

Every time you see yourself, in the mirror or a picture or a shop window, force yourself to say that you are beautiful. Every single time. Especially when it's difficult or you've had a bad day.

You've hated yourself for a long time. That doesn't go away by changing your body. It goes away by changing your mind.

Cut yourself some slack for not being perfect. Compliment yourself when you do things well. Any time you insult yourself, match it with a compliment (example: Well my grades are shit but at least I'm pretty). This will be difficult at first; do it anyway.

BTW you're probably at least average. People aren't that nice - if you were ugly, you would've overheard a mean comment more than once. If people compliment you on something, it's probably something to be proud of.

You can do this.

>>18383363
No. It's important she sees and knows you as you are and what your patterns are so she can help you.

>>18383344
Vulnerability is a prerequisite to intimacy. If you ever wanna be with her in a meaningful way, you need to open up.

>>18383399
In that case Its probably hopeless, I dont even know where to pin point exactly what I wanna tell her.

>>18383312
Thinking doesn't help and you can think anywhere. Action helps clear your head.

I bet you are craving meaning or purpose more than distraction. Find a volunteer project in your area that you find important and that meets at least once a week. Talk to someone personally and commit to going.

Commit one night a week to 'me' time. On these nights you will not leave your home. You can do whatever you want but this is your recharge night. Go ahead and isolate yourself this night. You are beholden to no one. Think, cry, journal, do a hobby, whatever but give yourself some space from people and work to just be you and feel what you feel.

Finally commit one night a week to being social. On these nights you leave your apartment and you either go somewhere interesting by yourself or you meet up with friends or family.

That's it. It'll probably take no more than 12 hours a week total. That's time you are just wasting right now anyway. Try it for two months and see how you feel.

Worst case: your life gets more interesting.
Best case: you turn your whole life around.

Also not a requirement, but exercise provides a slight mood boost. If you ever feel especially down, you probably need to move your body a little.

>>18383412
Thats because you are afraid to trust. Instead of thinking of what you want to tell her, think of what you want her to know.

You want her to know there's something between you so tell her that.
You want her to know that you like her but you are just afraid to come off as desperate so tell her that.
You want her to know that she's important to you so tell her that.

It's scary to be vulnerable and it's hard but it doesn't have be a huge deal.

Being honest can just be an add-on statement like "You're coming over? Good I was starting to feel clingy" or "I'm glad you're here. It's cool when we get to spend some time" or "It's been too long. I hope we can see each other more often now".

Don't try to make a huge confession or conversation unnecessarily. We tell people how we feel about them every day.

>>18383475
I always have my guard up, I've never let anyone inside my head. Not her, not my family, not my best friend of 15 years, nobody. This is going to take some time. I will definitely screenshot this and use it for future reference. I've told her these sort of things but I don't think she really retained it, I dont think I made it sound sincere, for lack of a better word.

I just dont know what her true intentions are..she makes it seem like she wants something a little more from me but I can never tell with her. She's very clingy at times but she can also be very distant. She cuddled up with me the other day. And we've messed around before in the past but she would reject me if I tried to take it further than just fingering her. I don't know what she wants or what I can do.

my favorite person to talk to at night is robin and i do not regret that at all ..

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>>18383391
No, no...I'm afraid it must all be true. For example, at the end of high school I experienced something that basically confirmed I looked awful. It was prom.
>lighting's just dim enough to blur my blemishes
>friend introduces me to someone who's supposed to be the "angel" of the school who's kind to everyone and volunteers and shit like that
>I feel awkward being all dressed up
>both of them say I look like heartbreaker and beautiful as fuck
>guys appreciate the fuck out of me at prom who otherwise ignored me
>am only wearing foundation and a dress so I feel flattered

Fast forward...

>angel girl approaches me in class weeks later
>she barely recognized me, she only finally did after hearing my name
>says "anon...you looked very...different at prom" in this disappointed and disgusted tone as she looked at me from head-to-toe
>I say hi to her later and she just gives me a look one would give a monster
>everyone looks better in candlelight...but I? So much more than other girls

The thing is that even then my skin was slightly better than what it is now...I honestly don't know if it's possible for me to ever get over this.

>>18383171
cause the girl I'm hoping I'm talking to isn't here. I know she's got me not 100% on my game, then I see some stuff here, or profile someone by their style or personality, but I can't be sure of any of it because there's nothing off this site.

also being here keeps me from doing anything that matters. I thought some things I did mattered but reality is I didn't change things a whole lot. I pissed a lot of people off, I thought that was a sign I was affecting things, just means I was enough of a problem to watch.

maybe I did do something but it's not enough, fast enough. idk what to do but this isn't cutting it.
>>18383376
you could be talking about me so I'll answer.
I live for myself first and foremost, just happens that my values, my desires, who I am means I am doing a lot of stuff for people that aren't even around yet. that's not living for other people, thats creating the kind of life I want.

that's also not living for some afterlife, I'm trying to live for the future here.

>>18383530
my favorite person to talk to at all times is giovana and i do not regret that at all ..

i dont want to be your fuck buddy. im awful at sex and you know this, we do decent but im awful, definitely not mind-blowing to say the least.

so why do you keep me around when your heart and mind is elsewhere?

>>18383546
well doesn't that make us two sardines in a can

>>18383551
ig it does... btw you seem like an interesting person, i bet you're really pretty and definitely dont watch toonami on saturdays

>>18383564
i don't know why you would think that but i can be interesting if i wanted to be, you seem like a chill person with fantastic hair and a great taste in music who definitely doesn't play league

>>18383570
i'm sorry but you got one thing wrong, I don't play league at all, W101 is the shieeeet thooooooo!!

>>18383581
oh you did not .. okay that sounds fantastic well groomed person

>>18383585
ty ty you beautiful bum

>>18383592
i want to get it off my chest and say that i enjoy your presence very much and you are (or seem to be) amazing

>>18380875

Be confident. Tell her she's beautiful. Stick around to help out and make her feel like you can provide for her as a man. Make eye contact when you smile at her. Did I say be confident? Be confident x1, 000 anon

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https://youtu.be/AkI6bCEHoSQ

Why are there people who think saying "all the reasons you're depressed are your fault" to people who already tell themselves that every day?

Do they think they're being insightful?

>>18383603
Thanks my dude. Il do that so.

Because of all rejection I feel like I already lost my ability to trust and love female human beings
Fuck it
First two times I cried but now I didn't even shed a tear
Maybe I will never feel again

>>18383646
Np good luck dude

I'm at a party. It's 5 AM. Why do people do this?? I'm so tired. And I keep thinking I wish my oneitis was here.
At least I feel pretty. And I guess I got out of my comfort zone and danced. I'd never done that before.

I'm so fucking conscious about what others may think about me I can't even quit my job because I'm afraid my boss/coleagues will criticize me.

I am not confident in myself because I fear responsibility.

I use the excuse that love will get in the way of my success when in reality I am the one that is in the way. I know if I had someone I loved they could support me.

But I won't let myself fall in that trap of love. It's a paradox because I yearn for connection

>>18383810
weird. you're like the opposite of me in some weird way. I use the excuse of needing to be successful for why I can't find love when in reality I'm not as confident as I am in everything else as I am in love. I know that if I had love I'd have success.

all I want is love.

>>18383604
please don't look at me that way. I'm really not.

>>18383682
Someone in your future is going to be hurt by your present actions. Stop going to these things and putting your future in jeopardy.

>>18383917
what? parties? parties can be fun once in awhile. she said she doesn't go to them often and she's wishing her guy was there.

lol, going to parties and getting wasted and fucked is the shit that will fuck her up in the future. not parties. shit I like parties, just been so fucking busy going flat out for the last I don't even remember how many years that I haven't been to one in a long time.

i cant relate to people because i watch gore and study metaphysical theories in my free time and everyone i know is bluepilled af and idk how to meet people with similar tastes

heart, if you could fucking not do the butterflies turning into wasps thing right now, that'd be great. tonight I either want to go to war, or not give a fuck, and I can't reconcile caring about shit when I am prevented from doing anything about it and I can't reconcile not giving a fuck because of who I am. and I don't need anymore feels this month. I don't need anything else I need to split my attention on. I need everything to slow down and I need to have a girl snuggle up to me for just like, 30 minutes and I'd be fine. it's not gonna happen but it'd be great.

wasn't paying attention, now I hit a wall. this has really not been my last two months. it ticks me off that still, everything can be looking up and then out of nowhere something completely unrelated can throw it all in the garbage. I was doing great like idk 16 hours ago or something, now I'm sitting here still not able to sleep.

>>18379770
fight on brother. I was banned from facebook for a week and that shit was a blessing in disguise. I actually wanna go out and do stuff rather than be on that shitty app

>>18383964
mate, gore is only for getting rid of shills, you're not supposed to actually watch it as like, an entertainment thing.

and why metaphysical things? there's enough redpills in the seth rich case alone that you don't need to go full ancient aliens.

>>18379610
Eh my dry spell is starting to reach crit levels.

I really REALLY want some pussy lately.

I have found something more effective than energy drinks when it comes to avoiding sleep. And that is the constant stream of "The Office" episodes my roommate has taken to falling asleep to for the last week. Now this wouldn't be so bad if
>it turned off after an hour, but it just keeps going
>it wasn't finals week
>Steve Carell's autistic screeching did not remind me of a younger person of myself
>we didn't eat sleep and shit in the same room so it's the only thing I can hear

So you think you are going to find someone better
Good luck with that
You know it was a mistake not to get with me, sooner or late you will know it. When you get out in the real world and get the experience I had you will look back and wish you acted differently, I just wanted you to have a good time because I think you deserve it but
But its all gone now

>>18382882
She crazy, Jesus. For real. Don't listen to anything she says about this guy. If it were me I'd keep my distance from her, period. Obviously difficult to do until you no longer live with her. If you are indeed interested in talking/hanging out with the boy, talk to him, text him, or pm him in game. What I'm saying is, leave her out of it. Don't ask her to orchestrate anything, don't even mention hitting him up to her. Beware cutting her out of the equation will cause a reaction in her and it might be bad. Don't say ANYTHING to him that could be construed as negative about her until you really know how he feels about her so that he doesn't repeat it and make your life hell.

>Sounds like she has some sociopathic tendencies.
>Don't be friends with people who pick on your health problems. You don't need that in your life. Find people who support you.
>People who meddle in other's lives don't do it for the people they "help."
> Sounds like she's manipulative and somewhat cruel natured.

I mean what the fuck do I know, maybe she's a great person in other ways. You're both young. Everyone does shitty or selfish things at times, hopefully we learn and grow into better people. If it were me, I wouldn't even consider talking to that dude. Find another, with no attachment to your roomie. I wouldn't be surprised if they have never even discussed you, she probably just wants to play puppeteer.

>>18383917
I'd like to know who's going to be hurt by me drinking a beer and dancing with my friends. At my friend's graduation party.

If you need free advice and more than happy to help

Rodney Freake
[email protected]

Dear G,

At this stage in our relationship I am most definitely not going to say this to you in person. It's far too early and I don't want to ruin the amazing thing we have going. You are quite possibly one of the best people I have ever met, our companionship has grown so beautifully and organically during the time we have spent together. I honestly love everything about you, you're so intelligent and have so many little quirks that fill my heart with joy. You have no idea how much you have helped me, I have had a horrible past (which I also won't tell you about.. Not for a very long time.. if our bond lasts for many years I'll tell you then) and the respect and love you have showered me in has been an immense help for my self growth. I have never had a man make me feel so beautiful and womanly. I have a lot of issues giving myself to people, but if you would allow me I'd happily be by your side until the end of time. I've tried to keep myself distant from you because I don't want commitment and you've stated that you don't either. But damn! I have really fallen for you! I miss you when you aren't around. I like that we aren't super clingy with each other, it keeps things fresh and it makes each time we see each other just as exciting as the last. You're my Kamadeva, the attraction I feel for you is almost super human. I love you and I hope I'm you're Rati. We're both the sort of people that keep our intimate secrets VERY quiet, so I wouldn't be surprised if we're both madly in love with each other but can't bring ourselves to say it because we obviously have commitment issues... So I'll just scream it to the cesspit of the internet. I LOVE YOU!! I didn't think it was possible to feel this way..
Thank you for strolling into my life.

E

I can't flirt without feeling like a huge creep. Hell I can't even talk to the girl I like without feeling like I'm a creep.

>>18384451
Stop associating coming on to someone with creepiness

girl im dating likes to call me between 12 and 2am drunk, wants to go get food/cuddle/fuck (which im not opposed too), but always feels bad about "making me come over to see her" when shes sober and I assure her its nothing like that, and that I enjoy coming over to make sure shes doing fine and all that stuff.

kind of a weird dynamic and I don't know what to feel, she said she loves me and is so grateful to have someone like me in her life that will do such things (Race through the late night to see if shes okay), but again it was when she was drunk and I don't know what to believe.

>>18384451
I've only thought two guys were creepy.
One would not stop staring me and I got the feeling he was following me. This was in university, not a bar or something like that.
The other waited for hours for me to leave a place. After following me around all day.

I hid a crippling opiate and crack addiction (alongside other drug abuse) and constant abuse from my parents throughout my childhood, no one outside the house knew.

I also had a traumatic experience on PCP when I was 15, I smoked it with heroin having smoked a ton of crack an hour or so before, I still get flashbacks.

I guess what I feel for you isn't love. It's just lust. I try to think about us dating and it probably wouldn't work out too well. We don't have too much in common.

Not like any of it matters. I'm already in a relationship and I have no idea how you feel about me. I don't want to end my relationship either, I'm in too deep and it would probablybe the end for me if I left. Ahaha...

>>18379610
My girlfriend pissed me off by always being gone so I fucked my ex-girlfriend.

Your obsession with projecting your exs crap on me is doing more damage than any of my actual crap. You aren't the only problem with our relationship but I'm working on it, you should join me. I think we're worth saving at least.

STOP CALLING ME. I DON'T WANT TO TALK. FUCK OFF.

Funny how the people we don't want will call, and people we do want, won't call.

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Hhi a-anon
l-love you
M-mm-my
F-fr-friend

>>18379610
My boyfriend thought i might be cheating a while ago and finally started fucking me again... now thats tapered off since he knows i havent and im so sexually frustrated/ sick of feeling unwanted

>>18384438
This is why I come to this website. I'm happy for you anon!! I would love that feeling one day.

Also my thing.. my ex really fucked me up to the idea of dating again, I wanna stay away from girls for awhile

nothing's happening.

looks like I'm dying tonight.

Why.
Why, of all places, did these websites become one of the last refuges for fighting for freedom and our family, while the whole world now wants to hold us like puppets?
What went so wrong?
Why did it have to end like this?
Why can't we have nice things?

How do you do it anons? How do you fight back against compulsive, destructive behaviors.

>>18385031
I don't, I just make sure not to fuck up all the way

>>18385031
Self esteem. Seriously. Self esteem is what you need. You damage yourself because you feel like you don't deserve happiness. I have done some horribly self destructive things because of this, but I'm in the process of healing.

I love my boyfriend. Feels good to say that.

why did you go through all this effort? Why did you tell me "6.04"? What the fuck was the point if nothing is happening? You went through so much fucking effort only to push me to suicide?

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I FORGOT MY ROOMMATE WAS HAVING A CAT SITTER OVER TO WATCH HIS PET WHILE WE WERE GONE ON SEPARATE VACATIONS, AND I GOT HOME EARLY. THE POOR GIRL WALKED IN ON MY BEATING MY MEAT (the cat's food bowl is in my room) AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED. I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR SCARRING HER, AND I WANT TO DISAPPEAR.

I reached out for help from people I know in real life and none of them helped me so now I'm both frustrated and at a loss.

I haven't been doing well lately and I've been having some self-destructive behaviour and thoughts, and I recently posted in my private blog (which is basically only followed by my friends in real life) about how I needed help and was reaching out on there because I didn't know how to reach out anywhere else because I couldn't be comfortable and if anyone could help me and they all saw the post but didn't do anything. I know it's selfish to expect them to reply but they always support and privately message each other and now I'm just kind of sitting here unsure of what to do and feeling awkward because they're all talking about comic book movies in our group chat and I don't know what to say because I basically just admitted "hey I want to kill myself help?"

I thought she would understand me
Enjoy my observations about life and share hers
But she behaves like she doesnt want me
Fucking dreams into dust
I had so much hope for her, and it turned out to be fake again, another time
I hate it

>>18382501
Initials?

>>18383312
I feel this post. Be well, poster!

Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest.

Im an ugly manlet , and have absolutely nothing to offer a woman. Im below average in everyway, and i have zero personality. The few girls I've messed around with were all strokes of luck and that was years ago and my luck's run dry. Of course im grateful for those moments but thats all in the past and i have nothing now. On top of it all im a coward, so ive really lost all hope.
I haven't gotten " the look" or any kind of look from a girl in ages unless its contempt or disgust. It sucks.

A part of me thinks that the woman of my dreams exist and she is out there but I feel like it's just what I'm hoping for not what I'm feeling and that I will end up alone no matter what.

>>18385357
Dude its really not a big deal unless you freak out about it and make it a big deal. She probably thinks its funny.

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A,

I will never take the risk and ask you out. What we have will just fizzle away with neither of us going for the next step. I have convinced myself that you do not like me despite what friends say. That or I am too much of a coward to take a chance on one of the few girls that has shown interest in me in the last few years. Either way I am a coward manic depressive. I am glad you don't see me in that light. I would rather be seen as the somewhat charismatic and witty introvert who opened up his shell. You are going to have to actually do or say something for this to happen. I don't think you will do it. We will just beat around the bush until there is nothing left.

I would say we should still be friends but I don't think you are interesting enough for us to be actual friends. I would much rather talk to my male friends who share the same interests.

Sorry,
M

Just an extreme longing for someone to call my own.

Being single is cool and all but i dont have a special woman in my life right now and i feel like its something that im missing and that i long for.

I like to think that im a pretty decent guy/boyfriend. I'm easy to talk to and i always listen no matter what time it is or what its about or if ive heard the same problem a million times before.

>girls always go for the assholes

Dont like saying it but oh man its true

>>18385518
Thanks man. I needed to hear that.

>>18385437
You need self esteem desu. The saddest part is that you write off your successes with women as "strokes of luck" even though they were obviously into you for a bright personality you possibly had, and is now lost.

Depression creeps up on you, then it overwhelms you, and like a disease it tries to kill the host. Seek help anon, you deserve to be happy

>>18385363
No woman or person is responsible for your happiness or can make you happy, that is an unreal expectation. You must accept people for who they are, and don't ride your potential happiness on them.

>>18381351

Sounds like me. Everything came so easily to me as a child, I succeeded, often beyond my peers, without much real effort. Once stuff started getting a little harder and required real effort, I'd become discouraged when I didn't instantly excell at something. I'm still this way. I've been trying for the last 10 years to cultivate persistence and perseverance, but anything that takes more than 1-2 weeks to see the results I want, I just lose interest altogether. I've obviously failed in my cultivation attempts. All of my teachers from K-8th thought I'd excell well beyond my peers. Just the opposite, 32 and I'm a loser and a failure, miserable and self-loathing.

This letter is too little, too late, but I suppose that's always been true for you and me.

I don't know if our connection was a happy one, but I do know that it was deep and rare.

But we were manipulated emotionally and psychologically, and the destruction changed us. How could either of us understand how valuable we were or could be to one another?
How could anyone have known what to make of things?

We couldn't know until it was over.
"Don't know what you have until it's gone", y'know?
Some things only make sense in retrospect.


For what it's worth, I've developed a full understanding of what happened, and I'd like to share the good with you.

I think we have the potential to be amazingly positive for one another.

Just one last, happy conversation where we piece things together.

This could be something wonderful, if we make it that way.

I want the person who was in one of these threads a few days ago to know that I got back with my LDR boyfriend, thanks to his advice. He was right, and I am grateful for it. He told me to take it slow and remember that the other person is human as well, and I know I'd lost sight of that.
So thanks mate

I'm not allowing myself to try and talk to you until I have a new job. I'll probably regret it leaving it so long, but what's the alternative? Reaching out from the same misery cave you left me in and asking how your life's going doesn't inspire me much. I just really, really, fucking really hope I can get out of here before Christmas.

Your recent message was pathetic. I won't ever forgive you. Bit by bit I'm stripping my weaknesses away. Soon I'll feel nothing for you. Soon your influence won't be visible on me. Soon this house will be bleached clean of your poisonous influence. Fuck you, quite frankly. You don't deserve forgiveness. You don't deserve closure. I hope you suffer.

>>18385966
Right now, you're in an ocean struggling to stay afloat. This person is a weight tied to your ankle, weighing you down. You can either choose to let them drag you down and drown you, or you can cut them loose and swim to shore. Forgiveness isn't always about saying "What you did to me was okay." Forgiveness is more about saying "I am letting go of the control you have over my life."

>>18380386
Show him up anon. Your slicker, cooler, and teh best of best!

I'm sick of my mom being such a bitch. I can't talk to her about how I feel, and when I tell her I have goals to move out soon, she tells me it's a bad idea and I won't be able to pull it off.

She NEVER offers support, and scoffs when I share my dreams.
She literally is mad when I'm in a good mood. She can't fucking stand it when anyone's in a good mood.

She walks around the house grumpy as fuck all the time.

But I never let her negative, pessimistic ways get to me. If I can survive this negative and mean woman, I'll be able to do anything in life.

And my dad is useless, he makes excuses for her. He's a doormat when it comes to my mom.

>>18385966
The fuck are you on about

>>18385966
What did they do to you that you won't forgive them for?

>>18386123
Threatened me with the death of my family and friends.

I have so much to say, my subconscious mind is keeping it locked away.

Please stay safe you're all I can think about

>>18386151
They actually contacted you and threatened you? Directly? Not some bullshit you read in one of these threads?

>>18386205
Gave my adress to a violent far right group, and then made contact letting me know that me, those close to me and the buildings we live in are no longer safe. Then urged me to kill myself.

I'm freaking out cuz the girl im dating called me over last night late when she was plastered (so was I, I'm an idiot for driving drunk) and we fucked but I asked her if it was totally fine and worried about doing some creepy drunk rape shit. It was good sex and she was incredible but she said this morning that she felt bad for having me come over and doesn't really remember much of the night (besides the sex and getting food and stuff) and I feel like a chadbro fratstar rapist.

>>18386230
That's pretty weird and fucked up.

all i like is gore and studying theosophy
i cant talk to anyone because their topics to talk about are areas im not studious in help

>>18383975
i dont know why i like what i like
i just do

I'm actually feeling like it's time to kill myself. I know I'm just bitching, that's why I cave here to say it anonymously. I just don't want to do it anymore. I want to buy a shotgun and shoot myself this weekend.

File: 26ba5029aaa84b9003b5e68fb38ceaf4d2568f7e_hq.jpg (29KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 640x360px

I want to see the stars but the thunderstorm is hiding them tonight

>>18383152
What did you do?

I just really want to stop making excuses for not killing myself.

Thank you.

Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being loving and loyal. Thank you for everything you taught me to appreciate. For helping me see the man that got lost so long ago.
Thank you for helping out of the dark put I dug myself into. I think I will make it. I think have the strength now to improve my life, to make things better for those around. For helping see the things I would be grateful for. For coming into my life, for dealing all of my shit during that broken part of my life. I owe you thanks, and I appreciate you.

Thank you, I am in a better place now, and I'm a better and stronger person because of you. You couldn't fix me, you didn't, but you tossed me the part that was just out of reach.

Thank you, the words may never reach you because you leaving me was the catalyst for my change. At least for the start of it. Thank you. I still hope the best for you.

And I will always miss and love you.

>>18379907
you'll be back

>>18386603
Go fuck yourself, A.

I feel like killing myself. I don't know whether it's refreshing because part of me knows I should be dead or whether it's bad and I should try to change those feelings instead of nurturing them. I just don't want to exist anymore, you know? But I've always been too scared to do it. I just need some courage.

>>18386230
Meet him, provoke him into attacking you, kill him, claim self defense.

>>18382658
>>18382644
Same here. I pity mine. I wish they'd make another kid so they would feel less bad about me being a shitter.