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/gioyc/

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Get it off your chest.
What's on your mind? Write a letter. Or rant. Or vent. Or whatever. Just let it out.
>>
How do I get rid of moles so I could drown in pussy
>>
I miss you. You're a great person, I wish you could see that for yourself. I also wish both of us were in a better place to be friends. I'm sorry. I know I'm completely nuts, and have so many problems, but you've also helped me realize how strong I am and how I can overcome even this terrible roadblock in my life.

You're so smart, capable, caring, interesting, and wonderful. I don't want you to let her destroy you. Because you're precious to me... Even if I only just met you. I hope I have given you some strength for you to be able to fight your demons. I will continue to fight mine. And I hope one day to be able to talk to you again.
>>
I'm going to learn a plumbing trade on Monday and even though its the foundations course I'm already scared as fuck about it. I want to change my life around and I hate that I'm stuck in this self loathing and sort of egotistical rut.
>>
I'm gonna hate putting my picture on the internet... but it's gotta happen. I have cleaned up my footprint and gotten rid of the most inflammatory stuff and now it's time. how does one selfie and not look stupid doing it? I have no selfies for use as avatar pictures. is duck face what guys do too? do I need to be doing some youtube challenge at the time? how do selfie, help me.
>>
>>18355752
shirtless? or is that too chad? in the car with the top down or does that come off too douchey? things I like in the background or is that too tryhard?
>>
Fuck you
>>
The base of all success and happiness is to have confidence in yourself.

Confidence comes with success, but sometimes we have to find confidence in order to have success and find happiness.
That's what makes life so hard sometimes.
>>
Okay, this is first and last of these gay ass "letters" that I write.

J

I'm sorry I left when you were in such a shitty place a long time ago, I want you to understand that I was in a very shitty place too, I knew you would never love me the same way I loved you, so I left and did my best to forget, I'm sorry I was so cold, and know that I failed fucking hard. I've had many best friends but I will never forget you because of the good things that happened between us. It sucks to know I will never know about you again. Know that since we got close you have been the very most special person for me. This is the goodbye that you've never heard from me.

V
>>
>>18355783

People come and go at different times at our lives. Sometimes it's for the best to split. If it was meant to be, maybe you'll reconnect later in life.

This letter made me sad because I relate. I hope you'll meet more people that make you feel this way and you'll be able to keep them in your life, V.
>>
I always wondered what's it like to have actual friends and not people you stick with out of necessity. I was told to kill myself today cos BANTER.
>>
Honestly I really fucking hate myself. I hide behind a fake wall of confidence only so everyone thinks I'm okay.
>>
>>18355810

Thanks but yeah haha I don't think so, I have become too dark and bitter, even for someone who's fucked up

No one wants to be around someone like that, and I'm all out of strenght to keep trying to improve, the pain is immense

There is no saving, there is no hope
>>
>>18355691
>Be me, first real relationship with someone I care about.
>relationship degrades, ends badly (for me). >she showed up at my place to get her stuff and cats with new BF, when BF left the room she looked me straight in the eyes and said she loved him.
>I told her to leave me alone, and she did.
>Fast forward 6 years
>Get contacted a few days ago by her.
>Get anxiety for the first time in 6 years.
>Can't sleep, say fuck it and respond
>Conversation goes south, like I thought it would
>Shes just saying shit to piss me off
>She ends the conversation with "I came here to make amends," "I don't deserve angry words."

She doesn't deserve angry words, but shes sorry for it. Implying she did something wrong to me, but I can't be angry about it.... HOW DOES THAT MAKE FUCKING SENSE?

>blocked me
>blocked her back

God damn, that fucking cunt. She couldn't just leave me alone, I was doing fine. This week has been rough with all the bad memories coming back because that bitch couldn't just leave it be.

>she now has a kid
>all of her relationships have failed
>>
>>18355854

>There is no saving, there is no hope

There is always hope. No one can save you. You save yourself. But you can find friends along the way who help. I'm sorry. I'd like to help but I just fucked up and burnt out >>18355726 and I'm terrified to try again lol. People care, you just have to be able to care about yourself, and let people care for you. Take care, anon.
>>
I love her but I know I do a shitty boyfriend. I want to be with her but I love her too much to make her suffer.
I'm sorry Margot, I don't deserve to even stalk you
>>
I'm tired.
I'm lonely.
I want to die.

What is going on?

If I held someone capture and was ready to kill them would you tell me then? Do I have to go to extremes in order to get answers?

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you people that you can't just fucking tell me what is going on?
>>
I'm so sorry, L. I'm sorry. Please be happy without me.
>>
>>18355913

Sorry don't mean shit, anon.
>>
>>18355905
Get a kitten
You'll still be tired, but you'll stop asking questions that don't deserve to be asked
>>
Death,
The Dagger
Scorpions

No idea how that's connected but whatever.
>>18355919
My entire life is a lie and you think that doesn't deserve answers? Fucking really?
>>
>>18355919
You're a cunt.

>>18355905
You're not going to get any answers. They want you to work for them and die while they live life.
>>
I didn't know I had hurt you so bad. I had no idea. Why didn't you ever tell me? Why did you let resentment build for so long? And after "it" happened, why didn't you tell me why? I didn't understand. It came out of nowhere. You were treating me like shit. If I had known how much I'd hurt you, I would've forgiven you... None of this would've happened...
I seriously cry every time I think of what you must've gone through. I'm so sorry. But I can't move on. You should've talked to me. I told you, it's like you followed a manual on how to make me hate you. I can't do this. I can't date you again. You'd made me want to give up on life, and I'm still barely recovering. I can't date you again.
>>
>>18355854
>>18355870

Maybe I'm not too burnt out. I often underestimate myself. You sound pretty cool. I'm interested in what you have to say. I'm shy though so if you're interested to talk please leave your email. Just letting you know I'm a lady, married, only looking for platonic friendships. So don't try any weird shit lol!
>>
man, I look stupid in these pictures. is this what I look like all the time or is this just me having a problem with this? I hate hearing my own voice too. how do so many people take so many selfies and they look good? I look good in a mirror, why not selfies.
>>
>>18355959
You can look good in a selfie too, you just have to take pictures until you look good enough and then use the good filter
You're cute even if you're weird don't worry and hating your voice is normal since your real voice and the voice you hear aren't the same and it feel weird to hear your real voice
>>
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It's been two and a half years since I blew my shot with a girl I knew for a week and I'm still not really over it.
>>
I'm broken. I can't function. All I want is to be able to go someplace where I'll feel safe. But I don't know where that is, even if I knew what that is. I want to crawl into a hole and pull the ground up over me. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I don't want to be in this world. I can't do this. I'm afraid of what will happen to me. I'm a malfunctioning robot just staggering around useless, leaking oil, parts of me falling on the ground. I am obsolete.
>>
>>18356000
We're all obsolete anon, and we keep going because it's the only way for us to not be useless anymore.
Keep going anon, set you a goal, realistic or not, and give your all hoping to achieve it.
Who care if you fail, once you're dead there's nothing left for you to do, better give it all while you can
>>
>>18355951

Well then, thanks for trying to help, but I'm way too distrusful on the internet, especially in a place like this.

I know no one and nothing can save me, thing is I can't either. I'm not even willing to anymore, because I just don't have the energy. Things are a bit more complicated than a relationship that broke a long time ago.

Just so you know it's actually me, this is the last reply I'm leaving in this thread. Thank you for caring, I wish you well.
>>
Peter parker finds out he's spiderman while I find out I'm fucking Hitler.

How is that fair
>>
>>18356030

>I'm fucking Hitler.
Like, as in you're sleeping with Hitler in your mind lol? Peter Parker sucks, btw
>>
>>18356030
Peter Parker find out he's a fictionnal character where you find out you're a hulan being who tried to make the world better, be it willingly or by force, seeking the exteination of what you considered the plague of humankind

How it that fair ?
>>
You claimed to have an "immaculate conception" which is obviously bullshit. But I am so worried that you're actually pregnant. Who is the father? Who will act as a father? I wish I could give you the help you need and it scares me that you might actually be bringing a child into your fucking delusions. I despise you, yet I can't look away. It's because I despised my own mother for so long, I think. I've forgiven her, but you... there's nothing to forgive and I just hate that you have so many people supporting your insanity.
>>
I tried to be a good boyfriend and be patient. You didn't even noticed how much I was trying. On top of that, you were fucking mean to me. I felt you didn't like me and those feelings weren't unjustified. You don't even know how much you used to defy basic rules of human interaction.
I wasn't crazy.

Yeah, you DID nice things, but you WEREN'T nice to me!

I know for how long I'll be sad. I'll dream about us and how nice things could've been. Then I'll wake up and get depressed.

I feel sick. Literally.

But I know I'm strong enough and in the end I'll be able to crush this situation and build something nice from the ashes.
>>
>>18356030

He didn't discover that he was spiderman, he simple became spodermun.

Likewise, you haven't discovered you're fucking Hitler, instead, you will become fucking Hortler.

Seag hull.
>>
I had no idea you felt that way. I don't think you were crazy. I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I was a monster to you and you were a sweetheart. I tried to make up for it but it was too late. I'm so sorry.
>>
>>18356093

It's never too late to tell someone how you feel. You should tell them, instead of writing it here where no except me/other anons can see it lol.
>>
I love my husband to bits, but this guy is the perfect manipulator and the sad part is that Iet him. One of these days I will explode and god knows what I will be doing. I am exhausted.
>>
>>18356030
this is a bad thing?
>>18356074
focus on burning everything and then utilizing the ashes as fertilizer for your life.
>>18356093
sounds like what my ex should say but instead she'll like try to make a voodoo doll or some shit.
>>18356111
false, there is a time when it's too late for apologies.
>>
>>18355913
God I wish that was who I'm thinking about. If they just said that to me with nothing added everything would be fine between us

But I know it's not. She's too stubborn to admit what she did was horrible and too selfish to try to make it up to me. Sad thing is all I would ask for is her giving me more love and affection and being nicer towards me.
>>
>>18356126

>false, there is a time when it's too late for apologies.
A statement for wimps.
>>
>>18356138
no I just wouldn't want to take part in a conversation with either of my exes for example, where after all this time they realized they acted horribly and want to apologize to clear their conscience. thats a selfish apology and I'll not take any burden or relive either the first's cheating, or the second's coke habit as a kindness to them so they can feel better. I got my own closure, I moved on, it's too late for apologies.
>>
>>18356155

lol always about >you.
>>
>>18356162
you serious?
>>
>>18356162
well yes if someone is a cheater and another person is a drug addict why would she have any obligation to care about them
>>
>>18356162
also,
>being so new you can't greentext.
LURK MOAR
>>
>>18355691
I fucking did it, I feel like I've turned a massive corner in my life. After 3 years of excruciating withdrawal from a medication that some asshole doctor abused and put me on and almost cost me my life, I've done a shitload of physical and mental therapy and am now heading off to Colorado to work for the outdoor company of my dreams.
Because of this I feel an extreme need to meet a woman and have a family, my joy for being alive and the need to share it with others is so strong that it's making me feel sick, because I know I still have some obstacles to overcome and developmental milestones to be reached before I can do that. Everything hurts but I feel so fucking happy to be alive. Jesus Christ.
>>
>>18356170

Lol ohh right.
>YOU.
There, ya happy?
Still a fucking cunt.
>>
>>18356169
>she
did you just assume my gender? I'm a dude.
>>
>>18356126
False. It's never to late for an apology.
>>
>>18356180

Thank you! That's what I believe too. This person is just self-inserting. Fucking narcissists man.
>>
>>18355691
no one loves me
im sad
>>
>>18356175
for not caring if people that were horrible to me and took advantage of me, want to apologize... because I'm over it... I'm a cunt. you're insane if you think I owe them the time of day after everything they did. after how hard I tried to make the relationships work. after being the best bf I could possibly be and getting shit in return.
>>
>>18356189

omg dude. Get over it. In -your- case, yes, an apology don't mean shit and good for you for sticking up for yourself.

Just stop your bullshit. Make a new post if you wanna bitch about your problems wtf lol.
>>
>>18356185
>narcissists
ah you're part of that cancer on this board where everyone is a narcissist or a sociopath without actually having any understanding of the terms.

glad we can just stop this conversation at that point then.
>>
All I want is pussy, I'm not even a virgin. I just love fucking that much. Don't wanna date you, marry you, or even get you pregnant. I literally just wanna fuck and move on to the next hole.
>>
>>18356195

You're kind of proving the point that you're a narcissist tbqh. I need to stop responding to you because -you- are not worth it.
>>
>>18356194
you're the one implying I'm a narcissist and a cunt. don't start shit, I don't say shit.
>>
>>18356033
>>18356038
>>18356084
>>18356126
as in, Hitler is my great great grandfather.

What horseshit my life turned out to be.
>>
>>18356198
>proving the point that you're a narcissist
not in any way any psychologist would point to as being a flag of narcissism. responding to an insult and passive aggression in a negative way is not the same as responding to constructive criticism in a negative way.
>>
>>18356202

I've read an article about this.. someone else is related to Hitler too and they are black? You should talk to them since you're relatives now lol. That is pretty intense. But if this makes you feel any better, you are your own man. No one else makes you not even your genes.
>>
I'm 25 -
I'm so god damn sick of people treating me like trash because I'm not as well-educated as they are. Yeah, I dropped out of school at 16 and tried to go back, but that's not the worst of it. What's even worse is that I feel like I got maybe an 8th-grade education because I was thrown in a retard highschool. This school was built for segregation back in the 50's and later became a special neds school. I'm not autistic, I don't have downs, I was thrown in there because of my ADHD, OCD, anxiety and EBD. But I had them well under control. At this point as an adult, the only thing that I really need to get more of a handle on is my ADHD. I've gotten better. But people still see me as a child. Which is really annoying.

I live with my mom and the only people who really get me as a person right now are my mom, my best friend, my gf and my step brother. When I say that, I mean that they see me struggling to get my own life on the road because no one will hire me!

Fucking Baby boomers don't get that it's super hard to find a job in this day n age and all I want to do is find my own way but when no one will give me a shot, what can I do? The problem is that a lot of baby boomers grew up in a time when getting a job is easier than baking a pie. You could walk in and go "hey, are ya hiring?"
"Sure am! Grab that broom! Start sweeping! you're hired!"
That's what my grandfather thought basically, and it pissed me off. Every day, I would fill out applications on my computer when I lived with him and he would ask me why I'm not filling them out and I had to explain to him that they were all on the internet now. It basically went over his head how technology worked but then after I explained it to him a bit more in detail, I think he got it.

But the biggest thing I hate right now is that I'm 25 and I just got my learners. Why now? Because I failed the first time and I got scared at 18 is why.

I might have more.
>>
>>18355858
Fuck her. You should get a dog dude
>>
>>18356213
Learn a trade you pathetic sack of shit
>>
to explain something that I should have:
I couldn't get out of that school and I was stuck for several years, when I turned 20 I tried to go back to that school to try and get out and goto my normal school. I couldn't finish because of my age and they said I would have to complete some 9th-grade stuff and so on and it would take too long.

>>18356220
that's the thing, I've been trying to but I need money for it, I can't get a loan cause I wont have an easy way of paying for it and I did originally. I was going to Maxwell School of Tech for Culinary and I loved it. It was so much fun. I miss it. I never got to finish. When and if I get my next inheritance I'm going to put it towards getting all my essential stuff like my GED and I was debating on what to goto school for, maybe cooking again, maybe music maybe both.

and anon, Words Hurt.
>>
Sometimes I think about cutting myself again. The feel of the razor blade across my skin drawing blood again and again. At one point in my life, there was nothing better than this pain. And nothing can replace it entirely. I hope this doesn't trigger anyone. I've managed to stop myself and control it but the urge is always there. I just want to self-destruct.
>>
>>18356247
Do you feel like you have no control over very specific things in your life?
This could be your own life in general, this could be at work or school or even your love life.
>>
>>18356251

Yes, I feel like I have no control over anything. I want to fuck my brains out. I feel numb and nothing can help me.
>>
>>18356111
Eh, there's a big chance he'll see it. It's happened more than once. Either way he already knows how I feel, I'm getting it out of my system.
>>
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One year from now I'm gonna part ways from this amazing group of friends that I've met about 7 months ago.

It feels like shit and I don't know what to do, but I want to make most of the time left, I don't know how.
>>
>>18356258

I'm fucking hopeless. Fuck this. I'm gonna do it because I'm crazy and I can't help it.
>>
>>18356247
only cutting you should be doing is fitness cutting after a bulking period son. there is no better pain than that of personal progress on your body.
>>
i'm useless, i can't focus on a girl when in a party or something, which leads to them loosing all interest in my useless and selfish fucking self, i wish i was dead long ago, and i'm a coward, i can't struggle, everyday is a mistake greater than the other, so, what happens is a vicious cicle, the wekend comes and I do nothing to help myself with girls, cause i'm a trash with no content, so when the week comes, i simply can't do what i'm suposed to, like studying and shit, cause i feel some remorse for beeing such a fucking jerk in the weekend, and so my ife goes on, it's been almost a year without any sex, my hair's going down and this is it, im a disgrace, hope god kill me soon
>>
I hope I finish before I am got rid of
>>
>>18356258
>>18356266
I don't want to recommend you cutting yourself anon however, as long as you're not doing it to kill yourself. I would say do it on your legs so that way it's not as noticeable. You're not doing it for attention. You're doing it for a reason.
Just do it enough that you bleed a little. The lat thing you want is to ACTUALLY die.

>>18356283
here anon this may help
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEsUudZvntE
ALSO to anyone with any type of TODAY issues, like millennial things, that video may help you
>>
>>18356220
This, you sound like a huge whiner dude. I've made some stupid as all fuck choices but nobody solves my problems but me so suck it up.
>>
>>18355691
I fucking hate this city sometimes. The first month I moved here I got my car keyed and they fucking took a rock to my poor baby. I hate that everything is so fucking expensive and it's mostly all bland but mostly I hate my luck. I got used buy my previous employer and got let go because of "budget reasons" after only a month and I was making so many strides and improvements and I was a few days away from being out of training. But instead I was used by them to help with there backlog of work that they had piling up. And then I was let go.(by a fucking text message!)
Didn't even have the decency to talk to me. I feel like a fucking NUMBER and I hate it. I want to be treated like a human being and be able to contribute to society. I want to make a life for myself here so badly! I would do anything and I've been going non stop since I got here two months ago. Someone tried to scam me into a pyramid scheme while I've been here and i dodged that so quickly. But mostly I hate the fact that I feel so helpless and sad because of all this I keep spinning my wheels while I wait for someone out there to look at my resume and see that I'm much more than those experiences
>>
>>18356278
You're a good man. I'm a girl btw but thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

>>18356289
It's all on my legs, but thanks I kind of want to die too.
>>
>>18356291
So does so many other people in this thread. I'm doing what I can to get my life back on track and it's super hard. Or just on track in general.

What you consider whining, some would consider venting. Trust me when I say, I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to find a job and gtfo of here. It's harder than you may think when you have little exp and nothing to really put on an application when no one will hire you

>>18356295

I've heard a lot of times people who think they want to die are just in a bad situation. You will likely figure out what the problem is and work with it. It's not easy, but you will find your thing anon. Just keep pushing yourself.
>>
>>18356300

>You will likely figure out what the problem is and work with it. It's not easy, but you will find your thing anon. Just keep pushing yourself.
Thanks anon. It's so fucking hard doing this alone.
>>
>>18356302
I wish I could help you further anon. Life is not meant to be easy, if it were, we'd all known a bunch of languages and always come in first place.

Life is interesting, what I do is look at life as a puzzle game. How can I solve it to make it work for me? You'll get there dude. Just breath, let your rage out when you masturbate or hell go learn a fighting style
>>
(Hello, ignore me. I have not vented in a while and I have nothing of much interest to share. This is more of a personal piece towards someone else. There has been a heavy weight on my mind and heart to let it out and I will do so here.)

You sent this to her then to me
I don't care to know why -
I haven't since I left

It's just that - in this moment - I feel strange
As if I'm obligated to feel guilty --
To stretch my arms out and reach for you


But I don't.
I'm too busy smiling.

I'm finally free from all the bullshit and lies
Just silly girl chasing a ghost

Ah,
" Not a degenerative slut but someone with mental problems ,"
Somehow I take that as a compliment

Thank you for allowing me to meet your mommy
I miss her more than I do you,
M, D, and MoMo, too
Thank you for introducing me to someone pleasant and new
She's a wonderful girl and deserves much better than anything you could ever hope to give her

But somehow I feel like you have always known that
I can't quite place it
Maybe I am wrong but I doubt it

That's my snake,
That's my cat,
That was my apartment.

Fuck you, seriously.
>>
First long term relationship after years of suffer. Everything seems so smooth, she loves me and I love her... I think. Over 7 months now (for me it's very long). But I still feel that I miss something. I was in deep love with a girl once but now I don't feel that much love to her. I feel like shit. I don't want to hurt her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her but something is missing. I don't know what. Im going to the psychologist and I have some kind of depersonalisation, I don't know what I want really. Sometimes wanna be rich man living on the highest floor of the skyscraper, sometimes living among mountains or trees and catch fishes. Any of my dreams aren't mine really. And I don't know what to do with this relationship, don't want to hurt her but I don't know if I'm good enough to have her. Sometimes I feel like a prick and sometimes like a little lovely kid. Don't want to end my life but don't know what to do with it either. I'm going to meet psychologist next week and I think I will tell him everything what I feel to her. But what should I do guys? I'm so lost, it's near 3am in my country and I can't sleep, today I acted like a prick and I'm ashamed of myself (not sure if she see it this that bad) but I don't know what person I am. Once I had a bad trip and I had to go home by myself I was thinking that I'm gonna die but I wanted to live so do I now. Just don't know who am I and what I want.

Sorry for this mess but I wrote what was on my mind.
Thanks for this thread.
Sorry for my english.
>>
>>18356310

You've done more than anyone else has. Means a lot man.
>>
>>18356325
I'm not just a typical anon on 4chan. I try to look past all the memes, all the retardation, all the hate that this site creates and try to do something good for it. Try to prove to this site that there ARE good people here if you dig enough.
>>
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>>18355691
Do you ever wonder why you exist? I can tell you the answer it's simple.

Your here to Survive. What you do from there is up to you
>>
i just need something good to happen to me
is that so much to ask?
am I being too selfish?
I need to turn this around.
>>
welp. here we go. now there's a face to everything.
>>
>>18356373
after a day of working at it I got one picture that I think I don't look entirely stupid in lol.
>>
I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD
>>
i genuinely wish that i was never born. its not that i want to die its just that if there was a way to have never been created, never lived or met/influenced anybody, i would take it in a heartbeat.

im pretty sure that everyone ive ever crossed paths with was better off never meeting me.
>>
I want to fucking end it so badly I want to blow my brains out with my roomate's shotgun, but I also want to see if it gets better or not. I've been waiting 7 years and it hasn't so far. Every day I feel like I'm drowning. I just wish I was killed in a accident or something, I don't think I'm ment to live.
>>
>>18355691
this place has become my social life
>>
>>18356393
I'm not and I'm happy about it. though you saying that makes me want to work out more today.
>>
>>18356393
So that's what he calls it...
>>
am I alive or dead?
>>
after having horrible hallucinations on effexor coming off of it a month ago felt great. now i'm starting to see myself revert back to my depressed self. drinking a lot, losing relationships, sleeping a lot, feeling empty... all other girls my age get joy out of shit like going to the mall and going to dinner with chads. why can't this make me happy? why does nothing make me happy? after having severe depression for 4 years and 7 failed medications i can never see myself being content with life
>>
All I wanted is for you to give me a genuine apology for the first time in your life. You couldn't even do that for me.
>>
I do hope you find the love you're looking for one day.
I'm still terribly sorry I lost my temper.
You could have saved me so much pain if you'd been honest with me.
I think it's an absolute tragedy that we abused each other the way he abused us.
I want to reconcile because I miss you terribly. I wish we could have had more happiness together.
But that's over now. It's a pipe dream.
I'm lonely.
>>
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Back in September by best friend committed suicide in the parking lot of CVS store. Thing is I'm not all that sad about his death. In fact, I kinda feel like not having him around. It just feels weird, like I know I should miss him but I kinda don't, and we were close, ever since middle school in fact. The most upsetting thing to me is the fact he killed himself at the CVS that I frequent. I still go to the store sometimes, in fact I went literally days after he killed himself there to buy a steam card and some beer; but I have not been buying stuff from there as much lately. I do kinda want to leave a recorder like in the grass or something and leave it overnight to record sound to perhaps capture a EVP of him or something. Am I just taking in his death in a odd/jaded way? I just kinda fear that since he was the only real friend I did have, I won't have another one...
>>
>>18356491
>17
yeah enjoy your ban
>>
I can't wait for school to be over, I just can't wait to not see my crush again (or at least for a while). I just want it be over so I can get away from that bullshit for while. It doesn't matter though, I'll just move on to my next crush like always.

I often feel left out mainly because I don't try. I don't put myself out there, and a some of the time I hope something happens so my friends and I can't go out. It's a shitty feeling. I guess it's because I don't have the confidence.

"When is it too late?" Is something I've been asking my self for awhile now. I'm starting to think about what colleges I'm going to apply to and I feel as if I'm just not good enough to go. I'm not aiming high, I'm applying to some public state schools that are relatively close to where I live and they have high acceptance rates. Even though now I've started to get better grades and my GPA is rising, I feel as if it's too late. I also don't have any extracurriculars or real achievements. I do have some reasons why I've had crappy grades and why i haven't done any EC'S. I until last September didn't know that I had ADHD. I was dignosed with it and I was prescribed meds for it. The meds have helped me a lot. My brother is special needs(can't talk or really walk all that much he'll need care for the rest of his life) and I have to take care of him from time to time. My dad runs his own business and I help him out. But I feel as if I'm just hiding behind these excuses to mask the fact that I'm just a lazy un productive piece of shit. I know a lot of people say "better late than never" but It just feels like it's too late. Like I'm just now starting to run a race that's almost over.
>>
>>18356518
I mean, I'm still alive?

You guys are making me think there is a group of people hunting down everyone I have ever had an interaction with.

is it my cult? are they totall balla like that?
>>
>>18355691
the only reason i am still alive is because i set myself a deadline and 2 goals to complete before i can off myself

really regretting it right now desu
>>
I've had this aching in my chest for a long, like some emotion I can't put to words. I feel like no-one would want to be friends with me because my personality is shit, but I'm so lonely I can barely take it. I had a friend but he felt like he was doing me a favor. For several years I did whatever he told me to, and let him degrade and insult me, telling myself that it was okay because he was such a good person, but eventually the resentment caught up with me.

This summer my mom is going away for a month. I will probably end up not speaking that entire month and I'm terrified.

I don't really want to die. I like other people and humanity as a whole. Maybe if I stay alive I can help them. But no-one will ever really like me.

I am subhuman.
>>
I had a real shot with her. If only I had acted sooner. I don't think I'll ever get over this one.
>>
>>18356690
yeah you will with time. what happened anon?
>>
well i 100% have social anxiety disorder
need to start working on fixing that :(
>>
my dad just told me that i complain too much today. i have no friends to tell my problems to, and therapists just want to bleed you dry of cash. so now my autistic ass landed here
>>
>>18356723
What are your problems?
There are anons here who care. I don't reply to posts but I do read these threads.
>>
>>18356698
Oh same old story.

This girl was into me and I waited way to long to make a move (partly actually busy partly me being afraid/an idiot). When I finally did she was like "I'm kinda seeing somebody else..."


This was a while ago, I just can't help but think about a lot lately. Maybe because I was in a (pretty casual) relationship that disintegrated recently.

So long story short I'm alone again. Like always.
>>
something better happen soon or I'm going to steal a car and ram it through someone's house.

You guys are boring me to fucking death.

You have guided me to watch a THOUSAND fucking videos about how I should be preparing to travel and how it's totally going to be alright and my future "looks bright." but you have been doing it for soooooo long now and nothing has fucking happened this entire time.

Is something going to happen next week or what.
>>
>>18356748
well there's 7billion+ people out there man. keep going. though this is coming from a guy that finds someone he's actually interested in maybe once every like 4 years so I dunno man. I'll tell you this, after my last relationship I started a business. do that and you won't have time to think about anything negative. I mean you won't have time to date either, but you won't have time to feel like shit.

in hindsight it probably helps that it ended badly and towards the end I really started not wanting to be anywhere near her.
>>
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I threw away all my excessive meds today. I was saving them for my backup suicide plan... but now I want them back. I'm thinking of fishing every piece out of the trash and stuffing them down my throat. I feel like shit right now.
>>
>>18356770
actually you know what, I take that back. you will feel like shit every day all day after about the second week of working like 20 hour days to set everything up legally, but you won't have time to think about how you feel like shit.
>>
>>18356794

FUCK YOU I WANT TO DIEEE! FUCKK!
>>
I'm hoping that account isn't like your bf or something but, it could be. though you have literally never mentioned a bf, ever...
>>
>>18356804

>Slice myself up
>ribbons of blood.
>who fucking cares??
>Where the FUCK are these pills?
>Blood everywhere
>no one loves me
>Why am I insane?
>I just want to die
>Fuck you for leaving me
>I will hate you forever
>FUCKK YOU DIEEEE
>>
I want to sleep forever.

It's really annoying, you know. All the messages about learning how to live life to it's fullest and all that shit. To hear you telling me that while keeping me prisoner? What the fuck?

And if you plan on freeing me, why wait soooo looonnngggg? Why not just do it now?

Even if I have to wait for something else to happen... the least you could do is tell me what the fuck is going on... right?

And then free me. just do it already. just dooo ittt allreaadddyyyyy. I'm so fucking bored. I'm so stressed out. MY anxiety is through the fucking roof. I'm incredibly depressed.

Also, give me the adderall already. Not the bullshit XR version either.
>>
It's like I no a relationship is not gonna happen at this point.

But I still want to reach out.
>>
I fucked up big time.
>i'm so sorry

He's going to leave me, I know he will.
>they always do

Now he won't talk to me.
>i'm so sorry

I didn't cheat. I just had a mini-breakdown and made two of my best friends worry about me; the breakdown wasn't intentional, nor was the moment of silence. When I get that way, I shut down...

He still calls me Bella and has told me not to leave, but this is the first time he hasn't spoken to me and I don't know how to handle this.

I keep telling myself that after today's fiasco that he needs a while to himself, which is fine! But at the same time... It's destroying me.

After a good hard cry, I don't feel better, but numb.
>>
>>18356837

>I didn't cheat.
Lying bitch alert
>>
I'm worried that I'm becoming a violent psychopath because I've had a lot of pain for a lot of time. It seems like the only things I can feel anymore are frustration and embarrassment. The thought of being faced with my lack of expression by someone else makes me hurt inside. I'm a guy who actually prays for forgiveness after killing bugs, but recently I've been allowing myself to fantasize about how sensual violence can be. I hope that I'm just being a LARPing autist.

In addition, I have next to no memory. The further back in time I go, the worse it gets. It's like a black hole. Thinking about my life, it would make quite a lot of sense if I was raped as a child. I don't remember when the switch was flipped and I became depressed, but I know that it was sudden and happened when I was young. The thought of calling myself a rape victim when I'm really not fills me with shame.
>>
>>18356824
>adderall
literally brain damaging trash. degenerate pharma companies should have never been allowed to market it.
>>
>>18356841
>Thinking about my life, it would make quite a lot of sense if I was raped as a child.
Welcome to the club. Once you remember, your life will actually suck and you will want to die. And everyone will run the fuck away from you because of it. Have fun with it, anon.
>>
>>18356837
Feel better soon.
>>
/soc/ is a terrible place. like wtf.
>>
>>18356855

4chan is a terrible place. But we're here cuz we're bored af and want to pretend to socialize.
>>
I'm 18, and like lolis. I'm starting to like girls quite a bit younger than me (14-16), and I'm afraid that it'll get worse and I'll be a pedo. How do I stop? I don't want to be Bill Cosby.
>>
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I love you so much, x
You are so huggable and kissable. I love the walks we go on and the times we sit at bonfires. You are my favourite person.
My heart tightens every time I hold you hand. You make me get all giddy.
I hope we can stay like this forever.
>>
>>18356845
>literally brain damaging trash.
lol what
You are literally retarded.
>>
>>18355691
I am constantly miserable and angry, mostly with myself. As much as I love a good laugh and joking around, I often over-do it and look stupid so people don't think I'm a depressed loser.

I've been trying to get out of this rut including get my licence, moving out of home and getting a pay rise at work AND it still isnt enough to make me as happy as I thought I would be.

I'm pretty outgoing and have plently of family and friends, but the moment Im alone I feel desperately lonely
>>
>>18356859
I find /pol/ is alright. I'm here because 4chan knows the news before the rest of the world typically. also I could go socialize, I mean it's saturday night, but the only people at any of the normal places are liberals and degenerates. any place that isn't like that is gonna be a bar full of bros and no one likes a sausage fest. all the interesting people are here on saturday.

problem is I got banned from /pol/ for posting my face lol. I can't go home and i can't talk to my friends lol.
>>
>>18356840
You don't know shit- go eat a dick faggot.

10/10 made me fucking reply.
>>
>>18356878
this post warmed my heart anon, fuck
>>
>>18356885
adderall is prescription meth. it fucks up all your brain chemicals and takes years to come back from.

my mom had some psych when I was a kid put me on it cause she didn't want to actually parent. it's bad shit.
>>
>>18356552
College gives you a lot of opportunities and you aren't really punished for taking your time to get to them. I wound up going to a college that's quite a bit below my standards and it really isn't bad at all. Classes are classes no matter which college you're going to. Nobody is going to say "Yeah, these straight A's would be impressive were it not for the fact that they aren't from MIT!" Additionally, no program is going to bar you just because your high school grades were bad. In my experience, they only care about whether you have the diploma or not. Get good grades for a semester, then use your bad high school grades as leverage to show people that you're really improving. I got into my school's honors program in spite of having only high school band as an EC. They've had me doing a lot of community service, and it's great. Doing community service on your own is a great way to impress people like that. Find an animal shelter near your college to volunteer at. You get to pet cute dogs and leave whenever you want, while making sure that nobody can call you lazy.
>>
>>18356897

Why the ban, what's your face look like?
>>
>>18356878
man, I wanna go on walks holding hands and sit at bonfires. it's not gonna happen is it?
>>
>>18356878
What are you, fuckin gay?
>>
>>18356851
Research on the internet says that the notion of repressed memories is controversial and not widely accepted by modern psychologists. Do you say otherwise?
>>
>>18356906
apparently it was off topic/not /pol/ related. I mean I was making a /pol/ approved haircuts thread. suppose the mods saw it as an info gathering thread. that would make sense actually.

I have it on good authority, of like 2 people lol, my face is 8/10
>>
>>18356906
Maybe he looks Jewish.
>>
>>18356904
>prescription meth
No, it fucking isn't you fucking retarded.

They are insanely different chemicals.

Not only that, but adderall causes absolutely no permanent changes in the brain. Chemically, or your receptors.

You are stupid as fuck and need to research your shit.
>>
>>18356904
Seriously, what is with idiots comparing adderall to meth?
>>
>>18356920

Repressed memories is a thing. lol doctors don't know shit. Your brain can't process so many horrifying things and it will do what it needs to protect you from what happened.

Then when you're older and able to comprehend, you might have resurfacing memories. Not a fun ride. It's something to live with and figure out how to cope is the hard part.
>>
>>18356936
Are you speaking from experience on this matter?
>>
>>18356922

Haircut thread? 8/10.
>intrigued
Deets plz.
>>
>>18356929
>>18356926
you're right, its not meth that it's similar to, its speed. my bad, meth would be if you did some other shit with it. it's an amphetamine.

adderall is like speed. and I can personally attest to it causing long term changes in brain chemistry cause it happened to me lol. I don't care about whatever shilling research you've read, it has long term effects.
>>
>>18356941

Unfortunately, yes.
>>
>>18356841

Violence is not the answer.
It's the question.
And the answer is yes.
>>
>>18356948
Then tell me about it.
>>
>>18356923
to be fair, if you post your face on /pol/ they will find a way to call you either a jew or a shitskin lol

>>18356946
well the haircut thread lasted all of like 30 seconds lmao.

I made a /soc/ thread cause... idfk, that place is cancer. thought it'd be funny but its mainly dudes so it was just weird.
>>>/soc/25292670
I don't suggest wandering around that board but to each their own.
>>
>>18356960

That's weird. No one wants to know about it. Why are you so curious?
>>
>>18356965

fucking lovely.
>>
Something I wanted to get off my chest

I had a programming class last semester and we had a final project that was to be done in pairs. I didn't know anyone in class and neither did other students. The professor set up a forum so we could all find partners; I messaged the first person to create a thread and she and I ended up working together.

I don't know what a good metric would be for how "close" you are with someone. Is it when you meet outside of work for fun? Is it in how much they can confide in you? In the time she and I worked together, we had never once met outside of class time other than to work on our project. We did that almost everyday for two weeks and she revealed a lot about herself to me in that time. She told me about her suicidal tendencies, how her psychologist hates her, how she would stay up at night hiding under her table with a blanket and cry. These aren't things most people would bring up casually in a conversation, I assume. I learned all of this in the span of two weeks. Although it could be that she opens up to anyone willing to listen -- I'm not too sure.

And in contrast to me, I'm fiercely private. It took me years before I showed my friends my Spotify playlist. I rarely show emotion and I'm monotone around people I'm not close with. If my friends vent their problems to me, my natural instinct is to suggest a solution. I'm totally useless for emotional support and I'm probably severely lacking in the empathy department. When she and I spoke, I don't think I ever reciprocated and said anything personal about myself. (granted, I never had suicidal tendencies). Mostly it was me listening to her problems when we were stuck on our project (and I didn't mind). There were periods of awkward silences because I didn't know what to say. Can you tell I've never had someone open themselves up like that?

Cont.
>>
>>18356990
She and I still talk today because we're both taking the same classes over summer. I would say that she hasn't opened herself up like that since this semester started. Really, our conversations don't drift much beyond class work. I did wish her a happy birthday recently. That brings me to what's been eating at me for the past two days.

It was her birthday on Thursday and we had an open-book assignment due in class that day. We worked together and everything went well -- until the last question that's worth 50% of the marks. We were both totally stumped and all we had were the extra 15 minutes given by the TA. That didn't help as she was already late to a meeting with her boss. She must have gotten all these thoughts jumbled up inside because at that moment she covered her face and started to cry. I mentioned I was useless for emotional support. Case in point: I sat there in silence...pretending like I didn't notice. She wrote something down, handed it in, and left. I haven't spoken to her since then. I recounted that story to my roommate who is much more in tune to people's emotions and he said I should've hugged her or at least put my hand on her shoulder and said something. Those things did occur to me at the time, I just couldn't work up the courage to do that. I feel like it's my fault her birthday sucked. We have another in class assignment in two weeks. I think there's a good chance this will happen again.

Cont.
>>
>>18356966
You're suggesting that you've had a life experience which contradicts things that I've read online. It's also relevant to the circumstances in my own life. It would be weird for me not to be curious.
>>
>>18356995
I definitely do like her, but I have no reason to think she'd feel the same way towards me. When I look back at what I wrote, it feels like we're too different to make a relationship work. I'm not sure if I could handle an emotional female with some deep-seated issues inside. As it is, I get annoyed when my roommates vent non-problems to me (of course I wouldn't say that out loud). That not to say we're totally different. She likes to play video games and watch anime, both of which I used to do, not that long ago. We're doing similar degrees and she's no doubt smarter than I am. She once told me she was attracted to guys who are really smart. I don't know what she thinks of me in that regard and that would be a pretty big obstacle to overcome if I even wanted to pursue this. There's the smallest of chances of this happening, but J, if you're reading this, send me a message on Facebook.

This was mostly for me to clear some thoughts, but I'd be open to hear anything you guys have to say
>>
>>18356999

I like your type of people lol. I think opposites can attract. Extremely emotional people to extremely listless people. Are you attracted to her? If you think it's too much trouble to handle, don't overextend or make promises you can't keep. It can cause more damage. Otherwise, if you're interested in her and willing to give it a shot, there's no reason it can't work. (but this is only 1 person's opinion)
>>
Don't aggressively pluck cheek hair everyday. Shit damages the skin. I've now got two discolored scars on my cheeks as a result of that recklessness, but thankfully, the one on my right cheek isn't too bad.

Just shave the hair if it bothers you.
>>
>>18357006
The opposites attract thing is something I'm grappling with. But we should have something in common too right? And I don't know we have a solid foundation to build upon. I'm definitely attracted to her.

Then there's the small problem after actually asking her out, something I've never done before. I know that she asked out a girl she liked only to get rejected. Maybe I should wait for her to make the first move?
>>
>>18356997

I've always had trouble regulating my emotions. When I separated myself from the abusers (moved away from home, etc), the intensity of my emotions increased esp when dealing with family members who sexually abused me. Memories surfaced when private areas were touched or brushed against, my body remembered it first and every time I felt disgusted,ashamed, violently ill like Iw as going to vomit. Later on details of sexual abuse, rape, groping, touching came more vividly into my mind. I also had difficulty getting close or intimate to others. These clearer memories just amplified it. But simultaneously my sexual libido was extraordinarily high even as a child. I masterbated like fucking everywhere and it was inappropriate. And every time I masterbate, it felt disgusting like I was sinning. I sometimes have to fantasize rape to get off. My family members sexually abused me, raped me, tortured me. Hit me violently for years. It took me ages to come to terms with it (even still it is hard) and similarly took a long time to get close (sexually) to my current partner who was very patient and kind. Idk if this helps but it's painful af and I've had times where my memory is just a dark hole of nothing. Not sure which is better honestly to know or to not know. But I know this is a void that will never be fixed, it's just something to live with and cope with which fucking sucks. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemies, and I feel immense hatred and pain in my heart lol. So yeah, gl anon, I wouldn't want this on you. People get scared and run the fuck away from you when they sense something's wrong. They don't even need to know, they can just smell it.
>>
>>18357034

Yeah, should have common values, interests, attraction, goals...

>I'm definitely attracted to her.
That's good. Then, are you planning to attempt a relationship? Don't wait for her to make the move dummy. You're the guy, you make the move. Just ask her casually, wanna go to the movies (or whatever) with me. And add "it's a date" when she says yes. (yes, I know I said when. Pretty confident you've got it anon). Just keep being your cool, calculated self. It's good shit.
>>
>>18357035

I guess this week is just for me to spill my guts out everywhere. I've kept these things secret to myself for years. It hurts even still but kind of cathartic to talk about at the same time. It hurts because my family doesn't care about me, and so why should anyone else care? It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you're the only one there for yourself. And you have to stand strong and not let anyone defeat you or treat you terribly. How though? When you're taught to hate yourself and want to die for the suffering that everyone has put you through?

You just do. You live. You keep trying. You keep figuring out what makes you happy. You can't forget, you can't be someone else, you're stuck as the thing you will always be. Might as well appreciate the unique character that you are. Even if everyone is fucking scared shitless of you. Sorry I wrote so much, but you see, this was a can of worms you've opened lol. And I just came back from opening up to a stranger just to get rejected (sort of, not entirely the story but whatevs).
>>
>>18357035
Did you ever try to take yourself out of the experience of being raped by focusing really hard on something?
>>
>>18357039
>are you planning to attempt a relationship?
Your confidence makes me want to.
>>
>>18357075

No problem. You should. It's an experience and a chance to learn about yourself and also help someone at the same time. I would love a friend like you. Someone cold and emotionless. I have a gazillion rather serious problems and extremely emotionally unstable, that scare people away from me. I try to be strong and confident, but at the moment I am very vulnerable and I don't feel very strong.

But,,, back to you, I am confident that you can score. And I'm confident you're a man tough enough to brave this girl's problems. Even if you decide they are too much to handle, I'm confident you will be able to handle it and let her down gently and to break up properly if need be. So do it. Live an experience. Then come back and tell us all about it lol.
>>
>>18356074
And when I learnt how to be a decent person, it was too late and you didn't care about me anymore. I'm sorry for never understanding you. I wish you could've told me all of this earlier. I just can't get over what you did last year. It was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from and I'm still sad.

And I'm sorry for always acting like a child. You'll become a wonderful person I'm sure. I'll see you in your dreams.
>>
>>18357067

Yes, I used to cut myself on my legs. I'm pretty scarred up. It was a very bad habit but it was instant relief. I guess I cut today too but I usually have better control over myself. I used to punch walls until my knuckles bled. Scream, make myself throw up, starve, and burn myself...

I don't suggest any of these coping method because it's dangerous and unhealthy. Just like I don't believe drugs, alcohol, or any other self-harming habit will help. It doesn't solve anything.

I suggest exercise. Meditation. Talking with a friend, shamelessly crying and telling a trusted friend some of these details. I suggest moping lol. Listening to some harcore music. I suggest talking walks outside. Lately I've discovered therapy. I suggest finding a very good therapist (not a fucking shit-tier one). And I suggest trying to connect with people in any way you can, no matter how embarrassed of yourself you become. People do want to help, even if they don't know how. It's hard to see that but it's true.

God, I'm so fucking talking so much. I apologize. A lot has happened to me and it's really hard to find anyone to connect with. Even on basic normal shit lol. Because I'm fucking crazy.
>>
>>18356333

Thank you. It's hard for me to believe in people or trust them but I think you're real and you exist. So I appreciate that.
>>
>>18355913
I haven't decided whether I'll leave forever or not.
>>
>>18357102
What do you mean by "shit-tier"? Did you have one at some point?
>>
>>18357120

This is so weird. I think you're the only person I've ever met to keep asking me about these things lol. Funny anon, what you wanna be friends? Don't get my hopes up now lol.

>Shit-tier. Did you have one at some point?
Definitely. If you're in the US, any health esp mental health means nothing. You have to search really hard to find a good one who will listen to you. People go by books on what mental illnesses are, but do humans actually fit any textbook descriptions? Can you really boil down a buttload of nightmare experiences into a simple personality disorder rundown? Eh, no it isn't that simple. It's more of a guide/spectrum and people don't understand that. Back to shit-tier psychs, my first one was a dude who started making fucking gross and suggestive comments about how I should dress sexier to our appointments. And how lucky my man should feel when I told the doc about my abuse and what effects it left on me... It was pretty sick and messed me up because at that point, I believed almost anything anyone told me. He also told me he was a hairline away from being thrown into prison because he had "issues" lol the fuck.

Second one, was also male. He told me to sign a fucking contract that I won't kill myself. And that I have to cooperate with him and listen to his orders. Like I'm a fucking dog. Okay, but that's not the worst part. The worst part was when I told him the details of my abuse and he started questioning me saying "are you sure it's not part of your culture? you don't have breasts at age 5. Tsk tsk that's a shame" It's pretty angering when you have to open yourself so vulnerably to people, to doctors who are suppose to help you, and they fucking laugh in your face instead. To imply sexual abuse is part of anyone's culture is simply.. just. I don't even have the words. Just no, it's not culture. It's pedophilia, doctor lol. And chickens have breasts, so do children. Wtf? Arguing semantics. Ridiculous.

So yea, they were shit-tier psychs
>>
I have a crush on you and I need it to stop. It's awkward enough to even say hi to you and glance your way, I'm just trying to move on and find a way to not thirst. Literally everything I do with you makes me seem like an orbiter. I try to avoid that, hence the distance.
...That being said, I can't help but feel that you talked to my buddy one day and he mentioned me to you. I also can't help but feel you're trying to get info on me from other people here. To me, this is invasive and pervy in the bad way. I'd kill to know why you're so bent on trying to figure me out from other strangers.

What is it that you'd want to know so much about me? Why can't you just go upfront and ask away? Even in distance, I'm open for words as long as you just get them over with.
Too bad I know you don't wield Iron Ovaries and instead, change topics to mundanity.
>>
>>18357148
You remember the precise age you were when it happened?
>>
>>18357157

Vague age range, but yes. I was moved around as a kid. Parents abandoned me and threw me to different people. So I can remember time and place and who, ugh and how. But interestingly enough, I'm realizing that I am pretty lucky for my high libido and for my partner who fucks my brains out nearly every day. I can feel like sometimes I own this experience, have control, and enjoy myself to some small degree. I obviously have a lot of needs to be satisfied, but I encourage all girls to cum and orgasm as hard as you can.
>>
L,

I want to be absolutely crazy with you. I want to go dance naked around a bonfire in the woods with you. I want to have wild sex with you. I want to go on a road trip with you. I want to get drunk and take turns sharing our secrets until we run out. I want to wrestle. The best part is we have already planned to do most of these things. How was I lucky enough to find you? The timing was perfect. You are more than I could've asked for. Don't ever stop being my weirdo.
>>
>>18357171

Aww how cute. I love reading this, made me smile.
>>
Living with an autist as a SO has been both a nightmare and a blessing. I adore him and will do anything for him, but who takes care of me?. I am so tired. It is like he decides the worst times for him to have one of his attacks. I swear to god he choses the moments I need him the most. Got a new job myself, which will be great for us, my family is visiting and just because I got the wrong take out he went all crazy and destroyed furniture, I know he gets like this for more deeper reasons, but seriously... I am exhausted physically and mentally. I know he has issues regarding his family, which are very difficult to deal with, specially my mother in law, but the amount of stress he put me in daily is just too much. Someone please, tell me what to do. I am seriously scared this is going to just get worse.
>>
>>18357088
I have a question for you. Are you the other person in this thread with the shit-tier psychologists? If you are, and you said you have a partner, what's he like?
>>
>>18356841
You sound like my husband, my heart breaks for you anon
>>
>>18357181
>my family is visiting and just because I got the wrong take out he went all crazy and destroyed furniture
fucking christ. I don't know what to say to help with that anonette. I can't identify with any of that or really give you any information to help but I wish you the absolute best of luck in trying to fix that situation.
>>
>>18357190

Yes actually, I'm the same tragic crazy person. My partner is cool and reasonable. He's not perfect he has a few issues of his own mostly antisocial and has trouble trusting people. Lol sexy as fuck. He's also tall, lean and mean, but I'm getting off point here. He had been there through thick and thin. He often lists solutions rather than just say "I love you, I'm here for you" haha it's a bit aggravating at times but I also love him for it. I think it was difficult for him to deal with the multitude issues I have, but he genuinely cares for me. So he gets all the sex he would ever want lol he's my fucking hero. We're married cuz my man rules.
>>
>>18357201
:(
>>
>>18357197

>pretends this comment was for me
thanks anon lol.
>>
E,

I still love you, and it fucking sucks.

R
>>
NO HALF MEASURES. NOT ONE STEP BACK. WITH IT OR ON IT.

I'm fucking locked in, I'm committed to the choice I made and I couldn't change it if i wanted to. this is either gonna go well or I'm going to absolutely crash and burn like never before lol.
>>
>>18357250

Nice. May I ask what choice is it that you've made?
>>
>>18357171
Holy shit this sounds like such a great time also familiar somehow...
>>
>>18357253
gotta ask a girl out. I keep having doubts about her being single cause there's no way, but she gives no indication of having a bf other than being an amazing woman and it's been a long while since I've met an amazing woman that's single.

I couldn't change liking her and wanting to ask her out if I wanted to though I don't think. tonight I went for a drive and at one intersection an suv full of drunk party girls pulls up and starts hitting on me, to the point that when I tell them I'm not going anywhere fun, just home, two of them still talk amongst themselves if they should go too like it was an option lol. now I'd never be interested cause I don't do casual sex (inb4whatareyougay no) but a part of me refused because of her.
>>
I hate you both, you boring fucks. You too #3 you always fucking bail and act all nicey nice. What's your deal? are you real or are you just an attention whore? I really should cut you out. I'm glad as fuck I didn't tell you jack shit.
>>
>>18357249
If you loved me you would be here with me
>>
>>18357190
>>18357216

Same anon, probably last post of the night. I'm not sure what problems your friend is experiencing but I get the feeling they might not be as intense as mine. Or maybe she doesn't have strong reactions as I do (which probably is a good thing bc it's easier to deal with).

What I do know is befriending someone like me or someone with similar emotional issues, once you are able to establish trust and a bond, we're forever loyal because someone actually cared. GL anon!
>>
I want to fuck a sexy trans dude, Havent came out yet, too much of a bitch.
>>
>>18357288
>I'm not sure what problems your friend is experiencing but I get the feeling they might not be as intense as mine.
Probably not. She seems happy most of the time but that could be her hiding it well. She falls asleep a lot in class and has some sleeping problems. I don't know if that happens to you too.

For sure both of you have some similar mannerisms. She told me about her past suicidal tendencies and promptly laughed it off. From your posts it seems like you do that too. That's what kept tripping me up because I didn't know how to react to that. It's obvious she didn't find it funny and wished those problems would disappear, and I was given all the reassurances she's a different person now. I really did want to help though I don't know in what way
>>
I did a chemistry laboratory last week and we have to write a report about it. Whilst the activity was done together, our write ups have to been done ourselves (not together). The people I did my work with aren't that good at chemistry and are colluding together to do their reports. They keep asking me for my data/calculations but I know they are just lazy and haven't even attempted to figure it out. Basically they just want to piggy back off my work. I don't mind helping people out but this is basically riding off my efforts for the assignment.

How do I politely tell them I don't want to give them my report
>>
>>18357369
By politely telling them you dont want to give them your work. Dont be a cuck, take a hit if its a group project. If your prof understands people are douches then tell him you had to pull more weight.
>>
>>18357369
>"the report is supposed to be on your own guys, I don't want to get nailed for plagiarizing"
over text so you have proof of telling them if they get pissy and start shit. I always hated group projects. you ever tried shooting a film where half the group doesn't want to do shit and just fucks around so you and your buddy just recycle a move from like 2 years ago?
>>
>>18357380
>>18357381
its not a group project, just had to work as a group to obtain the data and then we do our assignment ourselves. I do like one of the people I'm working with so I don't want to burn bridges but yeah I'll politely tell them to fuck off
>>
>go through intense and serious situation with girl
>breaks us both down mentally and psychologically
>argument, she gaslights me, I berate her

We haven't interacted in months, but I miss her terribly and have a lot left unsaid.
We were in an abusive situation but had a genuine and rare connection.

I never told her how much I cared for her or how deeply I was hurt. She hasn't reciprocated any of my attempts to reach out to her.

I imagine she's moved on by now but I think it's the kind of thing I'll always be a little sad about.
>>
Two jumps in a week
I bet you think that's pretty clever, don't you boy?
Flying on your motorcycle
Watching all the ground beneath you drop

Kill yourself for recognition
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you are not

Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation
You will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces
You just sit there wishing you could still make love

They're the ones who'll hate you
When you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the once who'll spit at you
You'll be the one screaming out

Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry

Oh, it's the best thing that you ever had
The best thing you ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had
The best thing you have had is gone away

D-don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
>>
>>18355691

The process of getting into medical school in Canada and the USA is fucking bullshit. Even people who have good grades get fucking rejected year after year because there are THOUSANDS of people applying for only a handful of seats. You rejection can be because you got a couple of B's in your third year of university or maybe you scored a little lower in one section of the MCAT. A lot of people applying are just doing it for money or prestige and are shitty human beings anyway who pretend to be compassionate and caring individuals to impress the admissions board.
>>
I absolutely detest being so unattractive. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I'm always disgusting. It kills me every day that I'm unwanted.
>>
>>18355783

where are you from?
>>
you pretty much confirmed to me what i already knew. you were only doing the nice things for me, not so much out of your own good will, but because you're so afraid that I'll leave you, you'll do anything to appease me. That's not how it works, that's the worst way to go about it, if your heart isn't in trying to have a bond, then you'll only resent me for being demanding, and I don't think I am - I only ask to see you once a week, to go on a walk, and that's about it. I ask for nothing else. But I guess at the end of the day, even something as simple as that... is just too much to ask for. I don't know, for a moment there I was going to fall in love with you, could almost taste those three words upon my lips, but today... my entire opinion has changed. You were too quick to become complacent again. And only tried to fix things when I voiced my frustration.

I think we need some time apart. I'm not sure I have the yearning for your company, quite as much as I did prior. Sorry.
>>
>>18357552

Europe
>>
>>18357562
Oh great I show a little compassion and you turn something so simple into a convoluted pile of shit. Why do you keep fucking your own mind like that? If you can't take the basics of human contact then go ahead, be like that. I'm getting tired of your shit.
>>
We're as close to perfection and compatibility as a couple could hope to be in a relationship. Our interests align, and our individual interests are only different sides of the same coin. I'm still so thrilled by you, sometimes I feel so excited and fulfilled by spending time with you, it reminds me of back when we started dating. I've never been so vulnerable and secure with another person. We communicate, we keep our relationship healthy, I know you care about me as much as I care about you. Sure, we have our problems, that comes with the territory of being with another person for a while. When we got our first apartment together, I dedicated myself to working hard to keep this roof for us and shower you in any comforts you could want, because I love you so much. We're simple people, we spend each day working, cooking, playing games, and sleeping. And that's all I'd want, I don't want to change anything. But I'm dealing with a problem that I don't know how to bring up to you, and it could really ruin our lives together. When we were dating, we made our desires clear, and we discussed that neither of us wanted to have kids. I still don't want kids, but I think I may be pregnant. I plan on getting a pregnancy test today. I'm just scared, I want our lives together to stay the same. I love you.
>>
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I've only known you since December and we started going out on February. Well, I was too shy to call it that, but we had good times together. I was your first kiss, your first guy going out with you, and i didn't care. I know you still dont have a drivers license (because of the horrible car accident from your youth), or really very much money at all. People tell me I'm out of your league, that you look like a stereotypical nerd who can't really lift anything heavy to save his life. You tell me youre self-conscious and are new to this, but it's okay, I'll walk you through it, whatever this is.

Even with the above in mind, I don't give a shit. A lot of things you do make me feel good in a lot of ways. That cute little smile you get when I ruffle your hair, the way you laugh when I give you a big bear hug. The way you say "aww thanks Senpai" when I pick you up from work in the middle of the night. The way you massage my muscles after i have an workout at the gym (or admire my muscles really, you make me feel like the strongest guy in the world!), and just chat with me about nothing in particular so I can unwind. And the way you're keeping me encouraged about this obnoxious job hunt I'm on.

You know I'm moving in September. Out of state. You said you didn't care, that you'd enjoy me while I'm here. That even me moving wouldn't keep you from being my kohai (see cute shit like that is making things even harder). And honestly, there's a small dark part of me that wishes you had your shit more together, that you weren't so comfortable here and that you could come with me, which you won't because you have family here. I'd help you overcome your difficulties and I'd be a better Senpai, and maybe I'd see once and for all if you meant what you said to me last week.
>>
Jackie,

I know you said you never intended to go out with me, but part of me doesn't believe you. I know it's dumb for me to think otherwise, but unfortunately I've convinced myself that the truth is, you liked another guy before I came along, so when I asked you out, you couldn't decide at that moment. In the end you chose me, but because I was trying to distance myself from you, you thought I wasn't interested anymore and got with the other guy.
I don't know what you can say to fix this. I don't even know if this can be fixed. I'm too far into my delusion that it won't be worth your time to convince me otherwise.

I'm sorry I imposed myself on your life. I wish I could have positively impacted your life in some way, but unfortunately I can't even manage that. As you said before, it's best we stopped talking. I never should have asked for your number in the first place.

I know it's inappropriate for me to day this, but I love you. I love you, Jackie. I miss you so much. I need you in my life. No, I don't think love is the right word. I'm emotionally dependent on you. Guess I'm actually as pathetic as I sound right now. It really would be for the best if you just blocked me right now. No doubt when I eventually fall into despair and become suicidal, I'll drag you into my problems.

Haha, I'm so conflicted right now. I want you in my life, but at the same time it's best if you weren't. God, I am not mentally sound enough to have other people in my life. I'm sorry our lives had to cross. Hopefully the guy you're currently seeing can have you the happiness I cannot.

One last thing. If sometime in the future you find out that I've committed suicide, know that it's not your fault.
>>
As expected, I dreamt about you. I know I should've talked to you, but it wasn't easy!
Although I was doing something very wrong, I didn't want to hurt you. I remember thinking
what would happen if I had told you and the thought of how you'd feel was crushing.
Sorry for not talking to you.
I kept thinking I could fix myself before it was too late. But things just started becoming worse and worse over time, to the point of obsession.

You know, I wanted to feel sexually desired, among other things.
"Pretending it's a gift" wasn't enough!.
I just wanted my girlfriend to be genuinely interested in having sex with me. I needed to feel what it was like to have sex with someone sexual.
And I told you so many times I wanted you to consider that...

Sorry for last year. I kept thinking I had the right to think about your feelings as little as you did about my feelings at the start of our relationship. I'm sorry I ended up hurting you so bad.

"An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind."

Why?
Why does it have to be this way?
I am brought to tears whenever I think that now you actively want sex with another guy.
It hurts so bad, you have no idea.

I really hate you for that, you know.
This is plain injustice.
To think you're going to be nicer to a guy who'll never tried as hard as I did to have a happy relationship with you.

I almost think it's a joke. What am I supposed to think? I wasn't attractive to you?
You want sex with this guy because he's taller and more masculine?
I just feel defeated.
>>
I wish things didn't end like this. I wish you didn't hurt me this way. I wish this bad thing had never happened.

But it did happened. And you don't even feel bad about it, even though you feel so empty and alone.

I want to forgive you and have you in my arms again but I can't. You didn't even apologize for what you did; how can I forgive you for something you're not sorry about?

I hate myself for even having one shred of hope. I hate myself for giving everything I could. I hate myself for even trying.
>>
All these internet tests say I have major depression. But they also say that a fuck ton of people are depressed. All I see around me are successful people or at least people that seem to have their life together and working it out, meaning that I'm less productive and more useless than the rest. I'm an actual waste of air and serve no purpose in existing. I'm unable to do basic tasks that "real" people with "real" depression can.
I've been seeing a therapist for 2 years and all he says is "you need to do more stuff, meet more people". But I can't.
>>
>>18357805

C?
>>
>>18357736
>I almost think it's a joke. What am I supposed to think? I wasn't attractive to you?
>You want sex with this guy because he's taller and more masculine?
>I just feel defeated.

Context?

It's probably the fact the guy treats her better. He might not even be tall or muscular, but his personality and other traits shine much brighter. Maybe he listens to her and shows her that he cares more. Girls don't want Chad or orbiters, they want someone who can deal with their melodramatic bullshit by listening and offering some supportive feedback.

>>18357805
What's your story, lad?
>>
Sex was an obligation to me. I knew if we didn't have it you'd get mad. So most of the time I didn't get the chance to want it myself. When I feel negative emotions I don't want it at all. And you never did what I asked you to. I remember I once showed you a post about a guy who made her gf orgasm and you said something like "Why should I make so much effort?". I asked you to be loving and you were rough. And I knew I couldn't complain because I was at fault.
Only after breaking up and having no pressure anymore, I realized it was something I could want (though still, my libido is pretty low).
I knew you wanted to be desired. I cried and cried because I thought I was a failure of a woman. But I tried my best. I think you didn't appreciate that.

I understand your frustrations, I really do. But I can't date you just because it's unfair.
>>
>>18357852
That's not me, did you not spot the grammar mistake, silly? But I could've written that a year ago, (almost) word for word.
>>
I didn't get a good morning text.

But I bet she did.

Oh well. What can I do, really? Cry about it? I've got too much to do to cry about it; all it'll do is make me a pathetic mess, and I've already decided that I'm not going to give a fuck and put my wall back up to keep me safe from men like you and girls like her.

Fuck you both.
.....

I'm sorry, I don't mean that. I love you both, you're both my best of friends and even though I know it'll take some time to get back on the familiar track, I know that track is destroyed and beyond repair.

I don't know what to do.
What CAN I do?

Nothing.

Just, nothing.
>>
>>18357852
>C?

Last name, yes


>>18357864
>What's your story, lad?
I was talking to my ex-gf that I broke up with 2 months ago, but hadn't come into contact for over a month. Last week we met to give away the last of our stuff and there was talk about getting back together if she saw some changes in (mostly work ethic) and I felt really happy and I had gotten hope which is something I haven't' had in this time.

Last night we talked and I was trying to get a more solid answer from but she told me she was feeling it was already too late because she's "dating" immediately after we broke up to try to get over me.

I'm mad at her for doing that to me because the guys she's dating, she introduced me as a friend to me earlier this year. She told she doesn't even like him at all but is just using him to get over me. I feel so mad at her for doing that to me and for leading me on and giving me false hope, but mostly I'm at myself for evening trying.
>>
I was fool enough to believe that I was justified to be mean to you because you were mean to me. I'm so sorry. You don't have to date me because it's unfair. You could date me because you like me, at least that's whay you said. I guess you like the other guy better than me.

I find it cute you called me silly.
>>
>>18357864


>It's probably the fact the guy treats her better. He might not even be tall or muscular, but his personality and other traits shine much brighter. Maybe he listens to her and shows her that he cares more.

No, anon. I'm sure this isn't the case...
>>
I want to be with her but I keep seeing her with some other guy that's literally Chad Chaddington. I don't think I'm ever going to make it.
>>
I don't like him better. I just have 0 negative emotions towards him. I'm tired of the bad memories.
>>
>>18357901
I wish you good luck
>>
>>18357905
I hope so too. But it won't work.
>>
>>18357896
T?
>>
I hope something happens the next time we see each other. It's been going really slow and I'm getting impatient.
>>
>>18357924
Nope
>>
I want more attention from my husband. I have tried talking to him about it but nothing ever really changes. He spends all his time PC gaming and I just feel really alone. He's really uninvolved with our kids and dosen't work. I don't mind being the bread winner or doing all the house work but it's killing me that we never spend time together. I want him to hold me and talk to me. I want him to want me, like we still have sex sometimes but mostly he just wants me to give him head and when we do have sex it's fast and not really that great for me. I'm pregnant and want him all the time but he just dosen't seem to want me in that way at all.
>>
Messed up your pre-existing problems.
Thought I was helping, thought I was stable; turns out I was wrong.
I'm working on my empathy.
>>
I don't know why I am the way that I am. All I know is that you made me something else. I was confident around you; brave, even. The thing about being suddenly brave is that I didn't know how to weild the power. I told you how I felt, how you changed who I am, and it drove you away. Now, I'm worse than I was before. Now, I'm a half step from crazy and I only have myself to blame. If I should say that I am sorry, then I am. If not, I'm still sorry. Thing is, as much as this has fucked me up, I still wouldn't miss that short time that I had with you for not ever meeting you. I'm grateful that I was able to get a glimpse of what a better me is.
>>
>>18357344

Believe it or not, none of my issues showed IRL. I come across as chipper, pleasant, well-rounded, and sociable, maybe a bit offbeat and goofy. I focused hard in school, graduated, worked my ass off in my career. (until I had a breakdown lol which is where I am now and hiding from the world).

I slept a lot too. Hmm, she seems embarrassed to let you know about her past but I believe she also really wants some help from a friend. In the past, I've tried to confide in a select few. Usually people who seem distant or level headed. I've made bad mistakes but I've learned from all of them.

I must admit, I think it's funny she cried and you pretended not to notice. It's definitely not your fault her bday sucked. She's a gemini btw. I remember when I first told my man what happened to me. He looked so fucking awkward. He was like "oh. (awkward pause) that sucks... but now a lot of things make sense." I enjoy this kind of awkward, unable to care, care if that makes any sense at all? It's perfectly fine not to know the words to say. It's more important to be around stable people when you're not so stable yourself.

I think it helps to ask questions. I mean, it might be opening a can of worms, but it helps to express these feelings or thoughts that get bottled up because it makes others uncomfortable.

I would try to approach it like a friend. Try going out and having fun outside of work or class. Make jokes, be spontaneous, eat something awesome, have a good time. If she gets sad and tells you stuff, just tell her that sucks. Ask her questions, give sound advice. Pretty sure these are things you would do anyway. If she gets too crazy, tell her "stop it." lol. Sometimes people just need to be leveled with.

I hope this helps. I think I'm pretty lucky to be in a stable relationship. And I've calmed down throughout the years believe it or not, even though I still have bad days here or there. Today is looking pretty good even if last night was a shitshow lol.
>>
>>18355821
If this is Aisha you don't deserve friends. You fuck up any good thing that happens in your life.
>>
im happy with being and looking like a guy i always wanted to look like a girl now and then but im scared of my family and friends how they will react to it not to mentsion how it would changes my life and i have no idear how to deal with these feelings i have had it this way for over 10 years.

I'm not gay or bi in anyway (in the sense of being attracted to guys)
>>
I know this guy named Chie and I hope that his hemorrhoids rub together and cause a pain greater than any he has felt before. My best friend, Aulus, has also been distant recently.
>>
>>18358130
don't waste your time on toxic people anon its useless instead you should distant your self from them
>>
I feel.... a little bit better.

But right now all I want to do is sleep for a few hours and that means the nephew (3 years old) needs to go home... I am so fucking tired right now.

He still isn't talking to me. But a friend said that he probably got scared of my reaction too.

Which is OK. I can understand that.

But still.

Please don't leave me.

I need some fucking weed to calm my nerves.
>>
>>18358118
Go to /lgbt/, they've always got threads on this. All I can say is that repressing stuff like this is extremely bad for you, but it's your choice.
>>
Please come back. Please.
>>
>>18355729
proud of you anon
>>
>>18355752
just do what you feel would come natural
>>
>>18355984
get over it anon then you can find someone better i speak from much experiences
>>
>>18358118
>>18358180
No no no. Whatever you do, don't go to /lgbt/. They'll tell you that you absolutely have to be a girl just because you don't want to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Go outside instead.
>>
It's a beautiful day today. The sky is a brilliant blue, the trees are a vibrant green. I'm relaxing and I'll be seeing my favorite person later. I won't let the depression drown me today. There's too much to experience out there. So much beauty to take in. Now, all I have to do is get out of bed. Wish me luck.
>>
>>18356878
wholesome
>>
>>18355691
Kill Yourself
Just
Kill Yourself
Everything is a lie
Your gf/wife is a whore
So is your mother
All your friends hate you
You drink too much
You fat fucking terd
Your penis is small
Your cooking sucks
Your going to hell
No one love you
Forever alone
Load it up
And pull it
>>
I missed you, it was great to cuddle and have sex and give you a killer foot/leg massage last night while talking into the late hours. Im still a bit confused, you went dark on me for a while then spontaneously hit me up over a span of 48 hours. Maybe you were drunk and needed a hookup but I appreciate spending any time with you.

I know you've been seeing that other guy, but thanks for giving me another shot at least. I respect you wanting to keep it a casual or something but we have a good connection despite our few quarrels. I wanted to initially talk about that and apologize for disrespecting your right to privacy and pestering you. It was not right for me to do so and im sorry for being too over-concerned/caring. It scared you and I know it.

I still wonder what you meant after you orgasm'd when you said "it was different but not in a bad way" when I ate you out. Ill admit the penetration was sub-par but I seem to do a decent job at oral which is good for someone with a small dick like me.

I need to just stop being obsessive about this, you occupy my mind far too much and im sure you don't do the same with me. I just need to take it step by step and roll with the fun. I think I did a good job of playing it cool last night but

I want us to feel comfortable again. I want us back to playing pool, staying out till 2-3am, sleeping till noon and getting brunch. those were some of the most fun times ive ever had.
Maybe we can meetup again some point over the holiday weekend because there are still things I want to say to you, but it was just good to hold you in my arms again. We're a few months in and I understand wanting to take a step back to reevaluate things, but lets keep seeing each other. Last night was a pleasure, S.
>>
What will your final words be when you decide to just end it all.
>>
Today's my birthday and literally everyone I know forgot!

My friends? Forgot
My family? Forgot
My boyfriend? Forgot

Not a single "Happy Birthday!", "Do you want to do something fun to celebrate today?", Nothing.

I don't mind not getting presents, I've never really cared about material possessions to the point that I would demand them on my Birthday. If you can't afford it, that's fine. Acknowledgement is all I really want. But I really wanted to do today is something fun and special with my boyfriend and/or my friends. But he's feeling entirely noncommittal about doing anything with anyone today, and I don't want to make him feel like shit by telling him he forgot. Especially since he outright told me he doesn't want to feel so meh about everything and wants to do something fun.

My family sure as fuck doesn't care, why celebrate the birth of a kid you never wanted, right? And my friends? I can barely call them that when they usually pretending I don't even exist. My anxiety and blood pressure are through the goddamn roof because of all this stress, making all my efforts to fight and control them amount to abso-fucking-lutely nothing!

Then again, I can't even blame anyone. I'm a fucking failure. A depressed, anxious, socially inept mess who ruins everything they touch. Nothing about me existing is worth celebrating.
>>
>>18358207
>>18358180
I'm getting mixed signals
>>
>forget you're banned on /pol/
>start responding to like 6 threads with pertinent information and to sort out the kekistanis running around like chickens with their heads cut off
>get the notification
>have to watch people that don't lurk enough or dig enough and that don't know whats actually going on, flounder.
back to h8/pol/ then cause i sure as shit can't stand this board.
>>
>>18358258
"No one deserves it."
>>
>>18352672
Thanks anon. I actually do feel a bit better. I got up today, brushed my teeth, and resisted the temptation to stuff my face with pizza and candy. Mostly got a lot of cleaning done yesterday. I wanted to focus on the rest of my laundry today.

I want to start writing shit down. Like a journal but not all feelings-y. To help keep track of what I eat and do. I keep telling myself that if I can have just one day where I make it without overeating and getting shit done then I can do it the rest of the days.
>>
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I typed up something big but fucked up, like I always do. Sorry, Den. I couldn't change. At least you won't miss me. It's good you can be happy without me.
>>
>>18358258
>when you decide to just end it all.
there is no sequence of events that could lead me back to the edge of that cliff having walked away from it on so many occasions, from such a young age.
>>
>>18358260

Happy birthday, anon!!! I find that people put less value on birthdays as they get older and you have to celebrate yourself rather than waiting for others to realize how awesome you are. (You are awesome, you gemini, you). So fuck everyone else, celebrate you!
>>
>>18358264
You're getting contrary opinions is what you're getting. /lgbt/ is a wasteland containment board full of crazy snowflakes who've watched so much anime that they think that boys look just like girls. If you're going to browse /lgbt/, then browse /pol/ at the same time so that the extreme biases cancel each other out. But then you'll be steered in the gay muscle nazi direction, so you'll need to browse /jp/ in order to cancel that out.
>>
>>18356841
Got beaten and molested as a kid, can relate to your post. If shit gets too dark your mind tends to repress the experience.
>>
>>18356841

>The thought of calling myself a rape victim when I'm really not fills me with shame.

Then don't call yourself one.
Identify as something else.
>>
I'm worried that my dad may have molested me as a child but I'm not sure what really qualified as molestation in the 90s. He would jokingly tickly my penis/balls with a towel for like half a second and laugh when I got off the bath when I was like 4 or 5.
>>
>>18358433
That's the plan. Identifying as a "Person who is very similar to a rape victim but isn't necessarily a rape victim" doesn't offer much closure, however.
>>
>>18357268

GL anon!! You can do it.
>>
>>18357549

Embrace being ugly. Be sexy ugly. Yes, it's real. Do it.
>>
Am I just jealous that you have your life together while I'm sitting here anxious and depressed? At the same time afraid that I'll lose you as a friend because I can be a dick because of it. I fucking hate myself.
>>
I'm afraid that I'll never find love again. 2 years single and shit feels bad man.
Also I fear my life will go to shit and no one will care about me when I die let alone remember me.
>>
>>18358440
i think its more a play thing then anything else to be honest alot of times people dont know diffrences but trust me if you did you would not doubt it
>>
>>18356995
>>18357344

You said you have two weeks? You're smart. Be like Batman. All he needs is two weeks prep. You got this lol.
>>
I'm fucking depressed, can't be productive, barely have motivation to get out of bed or even eat, no girlfriend, in love with a girl, don't know what to do. Future doesn't seem promising.
>>
Stop wasting your time and study god dammit, swear I hate you so much you have so much fucking potential but you keep squandering everything that has been handed to you on a silver platter.
>>
>>18357249
Sadly not for me since my R is in love with someone else. Too bad she broke him...
>>
I recently started going out with a girl, and i know I'm already more in love with her than I'm willing to admit, but I'm too afraid to tell her.
>>
Where are you and I'm so sorry
>>
I'm a distant, wise confidant. Am I disposable? I don't even try to dig deeper anymore and just accept your lies and bullshit. You're a broken kid and I feel like a sort of wasted luxury toy.
>>
>>18358591
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight.
>>
>>18355691
MY BRAIN IS GONNA FUCKING EXPLODE HOLY SHIT IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THIS WHY IS IT DOING THIS I WANT IT TO STOP BUT IT DOESNT

Maybe I don't actually want it to stop. It's just that the negative conclusions are so likely to come true that my rational side makes me not want to do it. But the positive would be so fucking great... that is probably why I can't stop thinking about it.

Shit. I guess I've gotta do it then. Fuck.
>>
i dont wanna have depression any more
>>
>>18358591
Why are you sorry?
>>
>>18358130
graffiti in pompeii
>>
>>18358769
Correct.
>>
It's fine to steal from me because I don't talk too much. Fucks who use depression as a fashion accessory need to die
>>
I don't know if you just think I'm stupid or what, but I know what I saw and heard.

'Did you send someone over here to fuck with anon? You gotta stop doing that to him.'

You stupidly deny it.

I thought of you as a brother and you lied to and conspired against me.

Writing you off for good, too much bullshit and too many unanswered questions.
>>
>>18358194
Why should I?
>>
I don't want to go back, I just want to be somewhere on my own.
>>
>>18358683

;D
>>
>>18358963

Okayy
>>
lol I gotta go, I'm being so blunt it's mean today. I'm in a real weird mood and I can feel the stress winding up the muscles in my back today. today I don't feel like trying to build the world I want out of the tangled mess that is weaved around me. today I want only to hold my world in my arms and relax... but I can't do that and so I will be restless.
>>
I hope that asshole who called me stupid dies. I hope his family dies. I hope everyone he ever cared about dies. Fuck that guy. He's the stupid one, not me.
>>
>>18356214
I'm single, live in a 3+1 house by myself. During the summer months I can work 7 days a week 12 hours a day. I can't have a dog because of this.

I've honestly thought about getting an animal though.
>>
Just graduated high school. Built a huge image og myself as a studious, literary kid. Going off to college and would like to be a professor, but everyone is probably more qualified.

Kill me (?)
>>
>>18356352
That doesn't answer why I exist. Why is my existence required? If it's not why do I exist? Why do I have to survive? Who decides this?
>>
I'm generally feeling quite well right now.

I met my ex a few days ago for some serious talk. We've both been under a bit of stress recently, and since we're still really close to each other and some of the issues were related to our relationship, we decided to meet and talk everything through. It went really well; there are still some minor things I want to say, which I somehow forgot to mention, but I feel I'll have the opportunity soon, now that we've already had a similar conversation.
I'll also be moving into a new apartment in less than three weeks. Really excited about that - I've been looking for a new place for half a year. My only problem is that I couldn't cancel my current contract in time, which means I'll have to pay the rent for both my current and new flat in June.
>>
I'm glad I met you. I don't regret anything. You were just the person I needed to meet. I've deleted all the pictures, screenshots of kind words, everything off my phone. I just want to focus on my life and myself now. I'm done posting here, I'm done sending you messages lol (again I'm sorry), and I won't return to /adv/ because it just reminds me of how I met you.

You told me that I was like an angel to you. Thank you, *A. You were a shining star amongst the dark abyss of my current life. You made me realize how strong I am, how determined I am, and how I can still accomplish my dreams. I've found my way again. I hope you have too. If you ever return and talk to me, that's great. But I understand you have your life to live and everything to figure out for yourself. I do too. I have so many goals and dreams. I'm glad I've realized my strength through you. Thank you, take care, and good luck my dear friend. *S
>>
tsundere boyim. you're okay. you're on my mind after i'm around you. did you come here too? i'd fuck you both. it'd be awesome. that's just the way I am though- i understand why it's degenerate. there's something cool about you despite how abrasive you can be. it's almost funny.
>>
Is this over yet?

Please... Give me a sign that this is over. Give me a sign that this will end on the day of days.
>>
I miss my exboyfriend.
Well, we never had a "real relationship" because i was young and it was a long distance relationship, but we had a long term friendship. In fact, he was my only friend when i was a teenager, not because i couldn't get any friends but because i only wanted him.
When he broke up with me I felt empty. i cried everyday and i went into severe depression(not only because of him). It took me over a year to get over him.
I have been dating for almost 5 years but I still miss my ex and our friendship. He caused me so much damage I don't think he even knows. The fact is that I love my bf but i miss my friendship with my ex.
Sometimes I dream about him and it's horrible, i wish i could talk to him.
He tried to reestablish contact some years ago but i couldn't answer. I wasn't ready because I was very hurt over his actions.

I'm so distressed right now.
>>
>>18359368

J :(
>>
>>18355691
I hate lesbians because ill find one who isn't apparent to be one and well, fall in love only to be shot down because I`m a man. Of course I`m a fucking idiot as well.
>>
>>18359389
nop. sorry
>>
I'm afraid to leave my house because an overweight loser threatened me online. The only difference is he lives close and I watched him beat the shit out of his dad with a baseball bat. He's at least been to a military academy.

I don't want to go to the police because that'll just make him madder. I fear doing so will get me killed.

Despite all this, the fucker probably doesn't even leave the house. Yet I still have this overwhelming sense of dread. I haven't left the house in over a week myself.
>>
>>18359113
That felt nice to read.
I'm currently trying to find a new job, get a new apartment and move away from the dump I live in. I'm itching to have a new phase of my life to get excited about. I've also wanted to talk about stuff with my ex for the longest time but I feel like I can't do it while I'm still in this state of not really moving forward with my life in other areas. Glad your shit is looking hopeful anon.
>>
I haven't felt this sexually frustrated since I was a teenager. jacking off does nothing to satisfy what I'm feeling and its just like, constant boners, and... I'm fucking losing my mind. this is like having an itch under your skin and there's no way you can reach it, its just there.
>>
>>18359558
by tomorrow can I just be back to normal? can I just trade out this part of my brain? I don't really want it. like this wasn't a problem, now there's not even a point in bothering cause my brain is full on fucking retarded now.
>>
What is going on?
Again, this is so bizarre. How could this even be possible? If I was on some kind of TVshow then how did you keep people in my life quite? what about the people I played games with online? How did no one tell me anything? Like the Natural Selection Armory guys... the NSA... or Panetside, or battlefield, or literally any of those?

What is going on? Seriously, just tell me. Please. Why are all of these things about me? The music videos like David Bowie and hundreds more. The superbowl. Movies. The weird things in my life.

What do you mean by "It's time to get IN."

What does it mean by me getting me ascension?

"You guys must really want her in"

How did you get the entire ER wing? The entire hospital?

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE.

WHAT IS IT.

PLEASE. PLEASE TELL ME.
>>
Literally can't get laid in a loving and long term relationship. It really really sucks.
>>
>>18359606
holy shit dude. you are diagnosed with literal dementia. none of it is real. none of it. it's all in your head. you need to calm down, and listen to the doctors.

also tell them some random fuck on the internet said they might want to look into ultrasonic tech being used increasingly for alzheimers patients to dissolve plaques... but also look into bacterial or fungal infection causing the plaques. also they're fucking welcome for the link between crohns and the bacterial/fungal symbiotic relationship there as well.

now for the love of fuck, calm down.
>>
>>18359622
You spend so much time on your pointless posts.

Do you get paid for these or what?
>>
Hope I did better than I'm actually thinking.
Hope I can meet again.

And if not
Hope I can continue on and learn from it.
>>
>>18359632
nigger I don't know you, I don't care about you, I don't get paid for shit these days even though I probably should, I couldn't give a fuck less about you or what happens to you. someone has to tell you that the crazy shit you say is directly correlated to the dementia that you have been diagnosed with and have posted here about multiple times.
>>
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Why am I such a insecure, beta, loser at life?

>Socially Awkward
>Speech impediment
>Pitch-Black (not that I personally do t like it, but it's an obvious turn-off for most people.)
>Raised in the suburbs and use of proper English means I don't fit in well or identify with my black friends, nor with any other demographic.
>Secretly sexually fluid
>Big, but I'm the softest person you'll ever meet
>I'd consider myself redpilled, but this puts me at odds with life in general
>Passive, doesn't like to fight or any confrontation for that matter.
>Social Anxiety, and in my apartment all day
>Chronic Masturbater faps atleast 5 times a day if able too
>Never had a GF
>Still a virgin
>Owns a sex toy to get sex gardification.
>Despite having serious muscule mass, I'm the least athletic person ever.
>No college education
>Failed musician
>At work 40+ hours a week, other than that I'm home shitposting, sleeping or fapping
>Literally no social life/literally no friends besides my cousin, who constantly degrades me about my situation in life.
>Huge fear of rejection, until the point where I'm literally scared to someone new.


I've had a history of being bullied in school for the complexion of my skin. Surprisingly mostly from other black people, though other races have done so as well. I got called so many names, people even called me, Gorilla because of how I looked to the point where at point where I actually believed it, but would play it off as self depreciating jokes all the time. My family even thought I look like one...

Combine that with extreme shyness, a mild to severe speech impediment, unbelievable quietness, and social awkwardness, and I'll even admit, I'm a fucking wreck of a human being.


Not looking for sympathy , just wanted to admit something's I would never admit to myself out loud.
>>
I've always felt like I am never good enough because I wasn't born white.

I've always felt that being born mestizo is that I don't really fit into the world, Im neither of any. and It pains me that I have to live with this culture and speak this language that ultimately hates me.

because I'm not white.
>>
>>18359651
You need to make your cousin go away.

<3 Hearts, Anon. You can make it.
>>
I am afraid of people. But I don't show it. I deliberately put myself in situations where I feel very uncomfortable. I engage in conversations with people I know wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire. It's because on the very deepest level I don't care. Sometimes I really think that I'm an inverted narcissist.
>>
>intended to buy cocaine
>got a bunch of heroin instead
>should be enough to OD off of if I did it in one sitting
I wish I had a rig
>>
>>18359644
I'm really tired of this game. It was boring months ago and yet...

I wonder when it will end. I'm hoping sometime soon.
>>
>>18359782
Go get a therapist already. You'll probably just tell me that therapists are evil robots who want to put microchips in your tinfoil.
>>
>>18359805
I'll just tell you the same thing I always do.

What are you getting out of this? It's really sad how dedicated you are to get any kind of emotional response from me.
>>
>>18359805
Don't bother with this guy anymore, the fact he spends his days in 4chan is a big red flag. It is quite sad to know this is the only place he has to vent because if he had people helping him he wouldn't be here in the firt place. Just don't engage.
>>
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>>18359858
The sad part is I have more people trying to help me than... I don't know. It's a lot of people.

They suck at their jobs though. They think putting me through an extremely stressful life is a way to build character. Even though it has actually physically damaged my cardiovascular system to the point of me almost dying. That's a lot of stress and heartbreak to put on someone to cause heart disease.

The psychological damage is even worse.

You two should hang out sometime. You can bond over your all's creepy obsession with me.
>>
>>18359817
This is the second time that I've ever been posting on /adv/. I don't know the slightest thing about you other than the fact that your insane ramblings are shitting up the thread and that I've seen it all before. You schizo types never seem to realize that you're dealing with a combination of unwarranted self-importance and terminal loneliness. It's always the same self-referential rambling stuffed with dramatic pauses and shit nobody cares about. Even outside of /adv/ I've had the misfortune of dealing with people like this. You want some advice? Stop wasting your own time, thinking that you're going to solve all your problems by taking the right attitude about adversity that doesn't exist. You're like the mental illness variant of a hypochondriac. A hypochondriac who's dying of cancer but only demands to be treated for an injury he doesn't have.
>>
>>18359911
You know you're full of shit right? That exact typing style erry time.

I'm super tired right now. But know, I never read your full posts.
>>
>>18359858
no no no, engage. its like fucking cousin poster. in fact I bet it's a larp by the same person. cousin poster goes away, now we have dementia poster. and they're both equally annoying and stupid.
>>
>>18359926
There are two possibilities here. Either there's a grand, overarching conspiracy to make you feel bad for literally no fucking reason, or people think you're a faggot and decide to call you a faggot.
>>
hey, L. I want to go back to last December. just how it was back then and how innocent we both were. I wish I would've known what I do now. how could I agree and say I was bored with us? how stupid of me. I didn't realize you cried because of me. I thought you were over it, done, gone forever. I waited too long and lost you forever. I hope it's not forever. at least we're friends. I think that makes it worse though. the sick part is that I don't think you'd mind if we just completely parted ways. that hurts but I think it's true. why can't our feelings switch places? I don't like being down here. oh well. I'll just find someone else, right? maybe if I ever stop comparing other people to you.
>>
Yo, C, the fuck's up with you and your moods?
>>
>>18359950
>maybe if I ever stop comparing other people to you
always a winning strategy for losing, son. learn what you liked, what you didn't like, move the fuck on post haste.

>>18359858
>Don't bother with this guy anymore, the fact he spends his days in 4chan is a big red flag
to be fair senpai, everyone here vents shit they can't tell people irl. you think the guys at the gun range want to hear about how my sex drive went through the roof and it's driving me fucking insane? fuck no.

speaking of which, heavier weights didn't help. now I've got endorphins from the workout, adrenaline from the driving, energy from the protein shake and ice cold fucking shower and I still had a boner driving there, driving back, and I'm like 5 seconds from another.

this shit, I fucking. christ man.
>>
>>18356936
Just chiming in to back up that this is 100% true. Without repressed memories being real, dissociative identity disorder (previously known as "multiple personality disorder" - a documented thing) would not exist. It's vanishingly rare, but it's basically a natural response to severe psychological trauma.
>>
>>18357544
Fantastic A+ song.
>>
>>18359988

Why the change from multiple personality disorder to dissociative identity disorder?
>>
>>18359980

Tell me more about your raging boner. I'm curious to know what this is like. Your boner kek
>>
>>18356841

Anon, are things any better for you?
>>
I feel like I do everything in our relationship. I feel like I give 110% and you give barely 25%. I bow down, I do, I agree and complete every single task or want. I treat you like a queen and take care of everything. But it's never enough for you it seems. It's like you want more and more and more. I'm willing to give that, I'm willing to give you everything. But you need to do the same. I need your commitment. I'm tired of being the only one who cares about feelings, why can't you realize how important somethings are for me? Why can't you be emotionally supportive and give me some give in this relationship. You've got all the power and Iv got nothing. It's you, you, you and no one else.
>>
>>18359869
Who are you trying to lie to? You just decided to be the scum of the earth and hurt people that loved you in your so called schizo attacks. I know who you are, J.A.W. You abused a good girl that all she did was loving you, you continuosly mentally abused her by email and endless messages, not because of a mental illness, but because you are an asshole. If people is following you is mostly because they want to see how crazy you can get. You are a horrible person, lying and posting private information of her and the ones that loved you. You deserve to be alone, you deserve to be hated, I feel zero pity for you. Nor will bother to see what you reply, this is the last time I will ever talk to you and at leaat let these people here to know how a dirty sad man are you. People hate you, you lost everything that loved you because of this behaviour. So go fuck your self and call me a FAGGOT, it seems it is the only word you know. Your art is beautiful but boring, don't give yourself that much credit. I am not telling you to go to hell, you already made one for yourself. Bye.
>>
>>18360118
>I treat you like a queen
could be your problem right there. the pedestal is never a good idea.

>>18360099
like having an itch you can't scratch cause it's under the skin. jacking off is not satisfying this shit. it's like being a teenager again ffs. I have never had to wonder about what the fuck I'm going to do when I try to get out of the car because I've got a massive erection, in gym shorts as well. I have been horny for like 4 days straight. its like, you know naavi from zelda right? imagine that, but it's a part of your body, more like assertive/can actually get in the way, and if you get anywhere near certain thoughts, it pops up. and it doesn't matter if you fulfill the normal procedures for making it go away, it's not satisfying.about as satisfying as like, drinking water if you're hungry. worse actually, because you feel like shit and you're still horny.

I have no face when.
>>
>>18360110
In the 26 hours since I made that post? Not really. Had some bad times while thinking about life stuff, but otherwise things are proceeding as normal.
>>
>>18360094
To reflect a splintering or fracturing of identity, rather than the actual existence of totally separate personalities. The second variation does exist (i.e., no co-consciousness among alters), but it's a subgrouping within those who have the condition.
>>
who the FUCK seeds a torrent and sets their upload speed to 8 bytes per second
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