GIOYC thread. Vent, Rant, Project, Explode, write love notes,

it seems physically impossible to have a healthy platonic relationship with another person, let alone a romantic one.

Just went on a huge Cynic binge and it made me think about my ex. So I entertained the thought a bit more and it's fucked me up. I'm actually short of breath now, I got a barrage of urges to text her out of the blue and tell her how shitty I think it is that we can't talk. FFS, she didn't even like them that much. And she didn't like Traced In Air. Why do I have to get so fucking triggered by music I loved years and years before I even met her

I had the worst dream last night.
It was extremely vivid, like I was truly there.

Then it turned out to be a dream within a dream. I kept hearing a voice telling me to wake up... again and again and again.

>>18350627
Sounds like a hypnagogic hallucination

I didn't expect it to hurt so much today, but it did, and I finally realized how much I actually cared. I know building up too much expectation is bad - I've done it before. I thought I wasn't doing it this time, but I was.

That's the part I hate. There's no reason for me to feel this way except for my own stupid hopes. I can't even try to compete for your attention because I just pass myself off when there's competition, thinking "oh well, they might as well have their shot".
I hate how easy it is for me to get discouraged.
I hate how I didn't take the opportunity to talk to you, despite being right there.
I hate how I my tongue slips and I mess what was supposed to be casual conversation.
I hate how I wasn't even rejected, but that I willingly mistook your being nice as a chance at having a shot, and ignored all the signs otherwise. I wanted to ignore the signs, because I figured, hey, I might as well give it my all.

What I hate the most is how emotional I get about it. How I got invested without realizing it, without wanting to get invested, and now I have this awful feeling. The bad mood infects everything. I know it shows on my face. I laugh less, my jokes are just veiled bitterness.

The most painful part is when we catch each others' eyes and you flash that brilliant smile. For a second I feel good again, that maybe I can approach and talk to you again, even if it goes nowhere. Then we're out of sight of each other and the crushing despair sets in.

I just want to ask you how your day is going and share a joke without getting my emotions going all over the place.
I wasn't supposed to get my hopes up or make assumptions.

I don't want to care about competition, or 'game', or even where it might lead to. I just want to go for it and give it my best shot.
But then I worry that I'm going to be annoying, or off-putting, by ignoring 'obvious' signs of disinterest.

I haven't considered killing myself for a couple weeks. I consider this a huge accomplishment.

>>18350653
Are you male or female?
>share a joke
You can share it here if that makes you feel better. If you see them in real life so often what's the worst that can happen if you approach them and they reject you? If that happens it'll be off your chest so you won't worry about them ever again. You should just get it over with or you'll never clear your conscience. Believe me, I know that feeling of never talking to someone you really wanted to.

>>18350630
Well, I have REM sleep disorder where I act out my dreams and speak while I'm sleeping.

So odds are I was screaming and thrashing around the entire time.

>>18350611
holy shit, i would have died if my favorite bands triggered that kind of thoughts

traced in air is masterpiece though

>>18350675
What changed?

>>18350697
Glad you think so. I even loved their EPs after that, just a shame their third album is a total joke.

Yeah it sucks. I almost feel like dating someone who's really into music just isn't worth it if you can't listen to any of it when it's over. There are so many bands she mentioned in passing too that I never actually got round to listening to, they pop up on my radar now and I'm like "this is fucking great and I can't tell her that I think it's great" it's like taboo music that I know will give me the feels but at the same time it's totally the stuff I'm into anyway.

I made a friend on another board. We talked a lot and I guess he knows a lot about me now. I don't talk to him anymore for reasons that aren't really his fault, but we still post and browse on the board we met. I don't post with a name or trip, but he still catches me when I post! He will respond like, "I know who this is," along with an initial. I'm so embarrassed. Could he be a janitor or something? Ugh why

>>18350687
Male, if it matters. The joke was a contextual one about work.

I'm mostly just angry at myself for being so afraid to approach, and so easily discouraged.
I didn't think she was interested at all, and I wasn't really concerned as there seemed to be someone else going after her, but she completely took me by surprise one day. She managed to capture my attention and I thought, hey, maybe I should follow up on this.

And now here I am, finding myself in a hole of reading too much into things and having gotten my hopes up, feeling fragile and impotent when someone else comes along and takes her time and attention. I know it's dumb to think I'm anything special, and I know it's dumb to be discouraged by what others do. I just need to breathe.
I try to look at it calmly, from an unbiased perspective, but I can't shake the feeling that there is something more than friendly intentions. Especially when we run into each other alone.

I keep bouncing back and forth between "I'm reading too much into it" and "I should just go for it".

tl;dr insecure ranting

I miss my ex boyfriend.
Well, we never had a "real relationship" because i was young and it was a long distance relationship, but we had a long term friendship. In fact, he was my only friend when i was a teenager, not because i couldn't get any friends but because i only wanted him.
When he broke up with me I felt empty. i cried everyday and i went into severe depression(not only because of him). It took me over a year to get over him.
I have been dating for almost 5 years but I still miss my ex and our friendship. He caused me so much damage I don't think he even knows. The fact is that I love my bf but i miss my friendship with my ex.
Sometimes I dream about him and it's horrible, i wish i could talk to him.
He tried to reestablish contact some years ago but i couldn't answer. I wasn't ready because I was very hurt over her actions.

I'm so distressed right now.

>>18350746

Initials?

I don't even know what to write. I hope this thing gets huge and you come here.

this is some modern world madness only made possible by the internet. also, kek, just reread the first part.

You're probably convinced it was one-sided but I liked you back more than I care to admit. I know nothing will ever happen. But I wish you all the best.

>>18350829
>I know nothing will ever happen
I get nearly free airfare anywhere in the world. I'm gonna sort some shit that blew up here, and then I gotta see about a girl.

Be me 14, Weighed 276 lbs
Before hand i could never talk to girls as I'd always got "ewww" and "you wish"
Old Cute friend I've had a crush on since childhood
One day i manned up and asked her out
she rejects me hard.
Even goes as far as to crush all possible chances
The only nice thing she said was "we can still be friends"
She then ignores me till She moves across town a couple months later.

I Said fuck this

started eating better, cutting out sugers and carbs
Worked out twice a day
Walked 6 miles a day.
Lost nearly a hundread pounds going from 274lbs to around 180lbs in 1 year

16, 180lbs, 5'10ish, and face went from pudgy to cut, arms went from fat to muscular, chest and back defined, legs and thighs look great. Stomach virtually gone.

See her again at a party 2 years later, she didn't even recognize me, I barely recognized her aswell as she now had big tits and put on some weight, Started flirting with me out of the blue. Before i could respond i Hear a friend call out my first name, she looks at me puzzled and asks for my name.
I tell her, she was happy for me and asks if we could spend time together.
>nope.jpg
I fucking gave her the same cold shoulder as she did with me and fucked her friend i'd just meet that night! I heard she got really depressed after that and put on some pounds herself afterwards
Was the best feeling ever. Never thought i could be fit back then. Fuck her for wreaking my self esteem to the point i was considering suicide!

Now 20, 6'0 at 193lbs. Put on more muscle, people treat me like im human and the only two good looking girls in my Ornamental Plant ID class (want to get into landscaping) in college are on my dick hard. Dating a cute latina girl in that class.

Though, secretly i wish i never gave her the cold shoulder. Life is great now but i kind of miss her as a friend.

>>18350849
reminds me I need to work out today.

If your goal is "MAXIMUM PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE" then congrats, you guys are winning!

Seriously, why the fuck are you making me suffer this much? Why won't you just tell me what I am? What is happening? Why are all these musicians, talk show hosts, youtubers, artists, and even movie directors making content specifically with me in mind... and including messages for me? What the fuck is going on?

And why do you keep doing it and then having no one fucking just tell me? Instead, you have them do this weird gaslighting bullshit.

If I was really just schizo... my parents would have just had me committed at this point. The way they act it's obvious that they are hiding shit and it's hurting them as well. At least my mother.

>>18350862
and I know they are all reading this. I know they watch me with whatever cameras are hidden in here.

How do you people feel when you see me break down into tears?

Do you feel nothing? Do you all have no hearts?

To see someone you love suffering by your actions.

You know this is fucking killing me, literally... and still, NOTHING.

When you see me having seizures at night... when you see me crying out from the nightmares...

Nothing.

No one fucking cares. I could hang myself and no one would fucking care.

At least you get to enjoy your sweet sweet money after this is through.

hope it's worth it.

>>18350862
toughen the fuck up buttercup.

Last three weeks of grad school were really cool, you'd come over every day to study, watch movies, even take naps on my coach. At night time you'd send me texts saying how much you really enjoy hanging out with me, send me funny memes, and talk about how you've never had a friend who had so much in common with you.

Its been three weeks since the semester ended and I know you've been on vacation with your boyfriend, I see the pics on facebook everyday.

I haven't heard from you since school ended, I really miss you and wish you'd text me...waiting until August to see you again makes me feel bad...I wish you didn't have a boyfriend.

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H,
Don't do it again. Don't disappear again. I don't have the emotional stamina to chase you again. Just come through for me, let me be with you. Let's be happy together. Come find me, see me, be with me. It'll all be okay.

>>18350570
>tfw fuckbuddy just fr'd me on fb a year after i moved away

>>18350800
Tell me yours first. You couldn't have followed me here...

My girlfriend and I of 5 years broke up last month.

She's "facebook official" with somebody else already, posting their pictures and shit all over social media. Driving down to see her grandparents, before he MOVES ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR TWO YEARS.

We never did that stuff together. I'm beginning to realize I was her dirty little secret for all those years. Fuckin' sucks, man. They're at the drive in movie right now.

We're still talking and she's flirty and emotional towards me still. She tags BOTH OF US separately in funny videos on Facebook.

I'm ready to stop feeling like a fireball all the time.

>>18350901
SHE IS SENDING ME PICTURES OF THEM AT THE DRIVE IN

WHAT THE FUCUUUUCUCUCUKEK

>>18350905
just block her. let it go man.

>>18350872
You will literally never be able to know what it's like to be me.

No one else on the planet could know.

I'm planning to go back to school but not sure which school to attend. Normal or Technical?

I want to work with computer components. I want to learn how they work and how to fix them.

Does anyone work in this kind of field? Which schooling did you take?

when i was 14 my dad punched me in the face breaking my nose...im 26 now...so i feel like that punch left me with some form of brain damage...now before you go telling me to stfu or something...over the years ive been getting worse and worse headaches im starting to slur my speach more and more and i cant seem to focus on certain things...cant seem to hold down a job either, not sure thats even remotely related but well...

thats all i have to say about that...

So we fought and you needed some space and you dodged the question of me asking to talk in person to work things out.

Instead of talking you just give me the cold shoulder and go ride the cock carousel again. Why didn't you just tell me that's what you wanted instead? Five minutes of your time is all I really needed. You didn't need to say all those things about how you loved me and everything. Calling me out for being immature then running away from a situation that needed to be addressed is pretty weak. Text messages don't count.

Im confused but if you don't want to talk that's okay, a mutual "ghosting" is fine and we can act as if we never even crossed paths. Might be better that way.

Safe travels, S. It was fun while it lasted and honestly had some of the best moments of my life but its a shame how it burned out.

Yours truly,

- T

>>18350910

Every time someone says that, they're wrong.

>>18350928
Anon, I've had a fucking skateboard drop 10 fycking feet from a tree on my head, cracked the back of my head, there was blood flow...
Im perfectly fine now and I'm currently going to college. You'll be fine
Also, I've been cracked plenty of times by my older brothers. 1 punch won't do much unless you had a pre existing injury or your an old man.

>>18350949
PS. Saying you love someone and then saying you don't like labels is kind of strange logic to begin with so maybe I was just blind and naïve.

Margaret Maclennan

Could you finally just admit you were a massive whore and not a Republican. Thanks.

>>18350849

>haha petty revenge feels great I love cutting other people's self-esteem down too it makes me feel good, except deep down I'm disappointed in myself

>>18350570
I feel like my ex is having a fuckton of sex, and I'm here posting shit and getting sad. Im a hypocrite since I almost banged the fuck out of this fat chick but I still have feelings for her.

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Is there a small, minute, teeny tiny chance that a long distance relationship works out? I recently found myself in one and we talk daily about all sorts of topics. I really hope this works man...

>>18350952
In my case, it's 100% true.

>>18350997

There's always a chance, but it is always teeny tiny.

Hey Eric I think you're hot as fuck. Not being able to tell you how I feel is driving me insane.

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I'm not your fucking therapist!! Why do you come to me with your problems when you know it just makes me feel worse about my own! Then when I give you advice to help you, you just say 'nope'?! Stop trying to drag me down with you! Just leave me alone already!

>>18351061

...tell them this directly?

Feelings are stupid. Why do we have them? And why do I have so many of them?

>>18351064
I am the only thing keeping this person alive. If they kill themselves because I told them to fuck off then the guilt will kill me too!

>>18350597

I think platonic relationships are possible and do exist.

>>18351076

Are you sure you're the only thing keeping them alive, or is that just what they tell you so you'll stick around and listen to their daily complaints because you're the only one who still does?

Hey, D?
I swear to god I though you never lurked here.
I kinda miss you too, but I thought you wanted me to fuck off. So, I did.

>>18351089
I left them alone for 1 week last year and they were put in a clinic for self harm. I can't tell if I'm being manipulated or not but I can't take the chance.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. I had a yearly eval with my boss today and before he called me into the office he was talking it over with my immediate supervisor- I'm not sure if he knew I was outside the door but he told my supervisor how he likes that I am always calm and level headed, but that he's seen my get pissed off a few times and said it was scary

I don't think I am a scary guy but now I feel weird

>>18350746
>tfw can identify people by their posting style and their content
you're not anyone I know but it's easy to do.

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>>18350837
P-pls take me with you, anon.

Fat fucking chickenshits. You know how much shit I've been dealing with? Make one wrong move and see what happens. Not a single thing will be allowed to slide by

>>18351102

And how is the self-harm your fault? It is, and always will be, their own decision to do things. No amount of your time and energy will change the fact that ultimately they hold their own fate in their hands.

I'm not telling you to abandon this person just because it's hard on you. I'm actually really proud of you for trying your best to make sure they get at least some form of assistance, even if it's just from a close friend. However, I'm also telling you it's not your responsibility - and while I've had someone go ballistic on me before for giving improper, against-the-book psychological evaluation, many people self-harm for attention. If they actually wanted to commit the deed, they'd do it, there'd be no questions asked. Self-harm is for people to know about, even though they hide it. They want someone to spend extra energy investing their time into their life, to prove they'll go the extra mile. People are a lot more willing to go the extra mile to help you when you aren't crazy, though. Mainly because with a sane person, you can tell that helping them will result in them feeling appreciated and reciprocating. When you help someone who's nuts, it's hard to tell if you'll get a thank you or a knife through the ribs.

I don't know your situation so the call is completely yours to make. How long have you been trying to help this person?

>>18351129

>When you help someone who's nuts, it's hard to tell if you'll get a thank you or a knife through the ribs.
This, pretty much

My fwb who has a boyfriend told me that she's torn between me and her boyfriend. I know I shouldn't, but I caught feelings.

I went back to the shrink today and got put on a different medication after no luck with my current one. This is the forth one I've tried. Nothing is helping and I'm getting tired of being this anxious wreck all of the time. I call off of work and leave early constantly. I'm going to lose my job soon if I can't get better. My husband doesn't make enough to support us both and I feel like such a failure because I can't handle a part time job.

>>18351136

Sounds like she did too, and you're both a couple of twats for playing the cheating game. Have fun when she finds another FWB while she's with you, bro.

>>18350970
It's true though, i felt bad but atleast she isn't/wasn't suicidal because the whole ordeal.

hey E.

Glad to see you gotta new guy, sorry for being a trash boyfriend to you. That doesnt justify that you cheating, so fuck you, I look forward to watching from a distance as your life crumbles because you suck at commitment. Love, M

>>18351141

But you just said you hated that she did that stuff to you in high school, and you hated yourself for doing it back to her. You're perpetuating the cycle, and you don't actually feel "good" about it. You got a temporary glimmer of "haha, how does that feel" and then you regret it.

No one wants to feel shamed. You should know this most of all.

I always want more than I have, and I feel stuck in a relationship currently that I have mixed feelings for. I love her more than anything but I don't want it to be so serious and everthing. It's tearing me apart and I can't say anything because she has more than enough problems on her own.

>>18351124
A based pupper? based puppers are always welcome.

>>18351150
Ya but i turned her down, i didn't full on wreck her self esteem. She did more the just turn me down.
And had she contacted me i would still talk to her, she ignored every text, call, even face to face contact with me since my ordeal, even talked shit behind my back to my best friend she had a crush on (he is fit as fuck and helped me get fit)
He told me the shit she said which only made it worsten. And i didn't deny her because her weight, i denied her because her true colors as a human.

>>18351129
It isn't my fault, but they did it because of my action of not talking to them.
Thank you for your words, I really appreciate it and I understand what you mean.
This situation is hard because it is more like 'the blind leading the blind' because I myself am not in the best state of mind (BPD, OCD, depression, anxiety etc) but I feel like I am in a better place than this person.
It has been 5 years and at this point I am waiting for the final straw where they either man up and get the help I've been encouraging them to get or they get to the point where I must call the police to save them from themselves.
If something does happen to them and I feel myself spiralling I will immediately check myself into a clinic. If I do call the police on this person and they are taken into hospital then they might hate me enough to cut contact anyway since they hate health professionals.
Thanks again

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>>18351163
Have another one.

I see you're back to putting shit in my food.

I hate you all.

Even the rain feels nice from time to time. Just make sure to not stay too long. The clouds, the cold, and the illness it may bring... it's not my thing. Not anymore.
But it won't be sunny all the time. We need those clouds to remind us of the sun. The cold to remind us how it feels to warm. The illness to know health. Too much of the sun will burn.

Enjoy everything that life has to bring. We only get to live it once. No matter how hard it gets, we have to keep pushing forward.

It's not easy without you. For better or worse, you were the best part of the last 11 years. It wasn't always sunshine between us, it was mostly clouds and thunder, but when the calm was around, I was truly happy.

I let all that get to me. In the storm of my mind I forgot myself, and forgot you. And like a tornado coming between us, we got ripped apart to the foundation of our being. Maybe too much has happened, too many tears have been shed and the most painful part is that after 15 years of dealing with my broken mind, I finally see the sunlight. I can see the storm clouds behind me. I see the light, feel the way it warms my skin, and I look around and I no longer see you.

Yeah, I am terrified. I am scared and alone. It's like the feelings that put me in that state in the first place, but this time I am armed with the help you gave me. Maybe this is all for the best. Maybe we weren't meant for each other, who truly is? Maybe you were the one person I needed to give me push to get out of the rain. You gave it, and I feel better. I feel sadness, peace, and even times of happiness again. In the cloud everything was grey, now I see in colors again. I have hope, and maybe even dreams again. I wish that it didn't cost us, well us, but it did.

I have no hard feelings towards you. I still have a lot of love, and admiration towards you. I'm just a little cold without you, but I miss you because I cared about you. Still, I will always have a patch in my heart for you. You helped.

Thank you.

i hate myself for it but i miss you
i miss the chaotic relationship we had, and how i thought it would smooth itself out. maybe it would have, eventually.

and now i'm here, selfishly hoping you'll move here and we can give this another go so you can ruin it and I can get closure, finally. but you won't. if i know you, you don't even realize how deep in the hole you are and that the branch we're offering you will break if you don't take it sooner rather than later.

you've got to get out of there, buddy. as much as I hate it, I'll always care about you. I'll always have this stupid soft spot in my heart for you because I still haven't figured out if it was all my fault for not ever wanting to own up to how I really felt about you.

i go to sleep knowing that
in the morning i will wake
to fight this battle all over again

i wish i weren't me
sometimes
and i could just
dwell in anonymity

I really hope I pass my road test. It's a lot of money down the drain if I don't, but I always get nervous when it comes to tests. Fuck.

Omfg I'm obsessed with this guy, obsessed! And he's single and we have things in common and I think I have a shot aaaahh! His smile makes me melt. I can't wait until thursday to see him. Also my friends are trying to get him invited to a party and I just don't do parties, I have no idea how to dance, wtf do I do I don't know but I'm excited!

R,
I wish i was able to tell you how much I love you. I wish we could stay in touch after high school but you've already moved on from what it looks like...

i'm going to miss you. maybe we will cross paths again some day.
- J

>>18351101
B?

>>18351082
Not for me they don't. They used to, but not anymore.

I could try again but the fear of the inevitable crash is overwhelming.

>>18351281
No. J.

>>18351295
:(

I was around 15 when I realized that we are all gonna die and I was actually pretty chill about it thanks to existencialism, because of that I've felt kind of "enlightened" (first and last time I use that word to describe me but I have no other way of expressing it right now) because I was lucky enough to deal with one of humankinds biggest fears at a young age which has allowed me to enjoy my life more.

I however just realized that since I was around 20 until now my life has been steadily improving mostly because of my own effort but also because that's how life works. Theory is that is at the age of 40 when males start decaying (both physically and mentally) so I still have another good 10 years before worrying about my lategame. However what hit me is the fact that if I manage to live a long life everything that has been granted to me will slowly be taken away, I will not wake up one day and realize that all my friends are dead, instead I will watch them die one at a time.

Being aware of the fact will actually help me as now I have years to prepare for when that happens so I'm glad I realized it but damn it's not like living wasn't scary enough already.

>>18350570
I hate it that so many of my peers think that I (fem developer) am just there to show them how great they are while looking up at them licking their saliva... I am a damn good developer with A-grades in every important subject. I know way more then they do, do my job faster then they do it and am respected by my superior for my great logic. They shall finally ignore the fact me being fem.

I went to the doctor last year and found out my gallstones were back. Then I went to the dentist and was told my teeth were pretty bad and given extra fluoride toothpaste. And I did great. I cut down on fatty and sugary foods and was brushing my teeth twice a day. My abdominal pain had stopped completely.

My dog died a few days before last Christmas and I ate (literally) five bags of candy in the following days and I think a couple more in the weeks after. My self control and discipline has gone completely out the window and I'm struggling more than ever to reign it back in. Even now I'm fighting with myself to not eat a second bowl of ice cream. I've never been this bad before. My eating and spending have gone up. My productivity has gone down. My house is messier than ever before. My abdominal pain is back and so is my chest pain too. It's been a couple years since I've had that. I think it's stress related. I tried to take baths to help stress and avoid stress eating but I don't get a whole lot of enjoyment out of baths. I don't really enjoy doing anything anymore. At the very least I haven't gained or lost more than five pounds, so it's not like I'm blowing up. I'm already fat if you didn't get that.

For small victories I've almost completely caught up with my overdue laundry. So I guess there's that.

I thought it was going well but I guess not.

i just told this ugly guy that i didn't want to be a thing anymore and now he doesn't want to talk to me ever again which sucks because i have no friends and hanging out with his friends was really fun but i'm guessing they won't want to hang out with just me anymore.

guess it'll be a lonely summer before college

Video games and movies are all I can count on to always be there for me and make me happy. People are fickle and unreliable and life is unfair, but in my video games, I am the most special person around, and only I can make a difference. I'll always mean something there.

>>18351402
well at least you were honest and ended things

>>18351402
How ugly?

>>18350885
>tfw H
I shouldn't. But I wish this was for me.

I'm scared that the best years of my life are behind me, I've plateaued, and that I'm not as good at any of this as I think.

went to bar after work tonight and fiance call me saying she locked her keys in her car at work and wants me to drive across city to pick her up. I am like 4 beers in so tell her to try and get a ride from her mom or a friend. she told me im a piece of shit for not getting her and hangs up on me...

>>18351418
If she says you're a piece of shit for not driving across town to get her dumb ass after drinking then maybe you need to think real hard about this engagement.

I HATE YOU. YOU DRAMATIC LITTLE SHITBAG. YOU'VE EXPERIENCED NOTHING AND YOU ARE A COWARD. I NEEDED YOU AND YOU MADE FALSE PROMISES TO ME. FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU.

>>18350910
Hey man, before you were here posting schizo shit, I was.

Difference is I stopped putting it here or talking to anyone about it.

Doesn't mean it's not still constantly there.

>>18350862
>>18350864
you should really talk to a psychologist about your schizophrenia

Porn and fap relapse... been a while. Now I gotta start all over again. Pls let this be the last time..

>>18350570
Saw a friend of a friend last weekend. We're basically acquaintances and hadn't seen each other in months. And we really hit it off. Like, really hit it off. I'm going to see her again this weekend and I'm nervous as fuck.

My hope is to hold her hand or put my arms around her shoulders if she seems into it. I'm scared though.

I can't really talk with my friends about it but I have all this energy I'm just trying to get out. I'm really excited! What I'm the most afraid of is that somehow her attitude will change when I see her again. Like she won't care that I'm there. But I don't see how that could be since the last time we saw each other we had a bunch of fun.

I'm hoping things go well!

MAN do you know how tiring it is to hear that I am your only friend? Any time that any one of the three of you individuals tell me this? We all live in the same town. I've tried introducing you to each other, and I've tried introducing you to other friends I have, but no acquaintanceship sticks. I DO wonder why.

>>18351446
It's because it's hard to keep a long distance relationship. I'm sorry for leading you on but I just can't see it working when I feel like I am the only one that do all the effort here.

i dated a girl a few years ago long distance and she was my first real everything. We dated for a year and 3 months. Had the best sex. I was the happiest man alive then my mom got sick. I didnt see my girl friend (at the time) for 3 months. I was too busy taking care of my mom. So we broke up.

its been a year and i havent found anyone yet. I'm not autistic i can approach girls. I love going on dates. I have a okcupid account and i post on craigslist. I go to the gym 3 times a week and from what woman have told me im really good in bed and i am attractive.

How can i become more social? I'm planning on making a Tinder but i hate facebook and I know my ex is on there.
I'm doing everything i can to occupy my mind and right now im at my lowest.

Give me something. Thanks for the read.

Can't sleep, keep thinking about guy I like. How is this man single. He's amazing. Oh boy I hope I don't make things awkward

>>18351590
Why do you like him, anon?

i used to be incredibly emotionally abusive to my little sister growing up because my dad used to fuck with me all the time so it allowed me to feel like i was "in control"
and i feel so awful about it because i know how badly it must have affected her. she had suicidal ideations at a very young age and has the worst anxiety problems of anyone i know

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wew lad. wwweewww lad. that belly button piercing. I didn't notice it at first. I think that's the same hardware.

I'm in love. Everything is going great. But I need to distance myself just a tad so I can get stuff going again in my life. The past few months have been incredible, but I haven't progressed at all outside of all of the progression between us. And it's not that I regret that, but if I don't get my shit together, I'm going to slowly regress and you're going to eventually decide to leave me. And I'm also scared that if I accidentally distance myself too much, all of the wonderful progress we've made will be for naught, because you'll get bored and start seeing someone else to fill the blank spaces in your free time... and that thought fucking terrifies me, because you are the best thing to happen to my shitty life, idk, ever? You're an incredible catch. I feel so lucky every single day that we spend almost all of our time together. You mean more to me than you'll ever know.

I wish we were actually in a relationship, but I understand your reasons for saying not yet. I just hope that it will be soon, because it would greatly alleviate my anxieties and make it easier to focus on the tasks at hand. Even so, I don't want to destroy what we currently have going and force you into something just to make me feel better, because that's a surefire way to destroy things. I'm still honestly amazed that after such an absurd blunder as the one that kicked this off, we're both still here. Things like that convince me that there is some kind of undeniable staying power between us.

>>18350570

I'm sick. I can't masturbate because I am very ill. I tried watching porn, but it disgusted me so much. I have no desire to be a relationship, yet I crave for one everyday. I hate everything and everyone. I want to be alone, forever.

>>18351590
He's really smart and handsome. And he has this little bit of cockiness that drives me crazy. He's very tall and has a nice body too. I'm at that point where everything he does makes me melt, so I can't really tell you what it is that makes me like him lol. I'm dying to make a move on him but I don't see him that much. I think I might have a chance with him, I'm still not sure. The wait is unbearable though!

>>18351922
This was for >>18351633, oops.

>>18351922
huh, you the same girl that was talking about the guy with the folded arms that looks at his phone all the time?

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Just keep quiet and nobody gets hurt.

>>18350964
Like u got the ostomy for being a butt slut to big dick not some genetic disease.

>>18351934
what the fuck.

>>18351934
this had better not be the creepy cousin poster.

>>18351930
Oh well and I like to think my posts get lost in this thread. Lol yes that's me. He doesn't do that all the time but yeah. I realized maybe he feels awkward around me so next time Imma talk to him anyway. I mean I end up looking at my phone too. After I posted that we got to talk and I felt some good signs from him. I wish I could calm down a little though, I barely slept today

>>18351956
wait, if i remember, it's a work thing and he does security?

>>18351969
Um he doesn't do security, but it is kinda a work thing. Maybe it's more like volunteering. I call him cute guy from work here though since it's easier

>>18351979
is your initial L?

>>18351983
Nope

>>18351991
ah well that's good.

It almost sounds like my story, except that I don't get to see her!!

>>18351936
And u cucked the only man who ever gave a shit about u

>>18352035
Calling them small dick won't get them hard you fucking lunatic

M/25/Canada

I'm a military member living in a relatively small town. I had a thing going with a local bombshell blonde, the potential for something real was there. It was my first legitimate romantic prospect in a long time. My insecurities and sense of desperation became readily apparent as our encounters went on. She eventually told me she wasnt looking for a relationship, and I eventually found out she had been back in contact with her ex for a while, and is now fucking him.

I had a chance for something, anything, and I fucked it up. Even if it were to just only ever reach FWB status I'd have been content, but I feel as though I sabotaged myself. I want to go back in time and try again, knowing what I know now.

I have no real ways to meet women, especially women as good as her. I feel like I'm going to be alone for a long time. I fumble through my days like an autonomous husk, and come home to collapse in my bedroom like a discarded android.

Having a crush fucking sucks, it pains me, I miss the very neutral state I was before you came back to my life. I never thought my crush on you would appear again to turn me into an anxious mass of worrying and overthinking. We used to be a lot closer three years ago, but now I have to see all those facebook posts where you talk to other friends that I'm sure you have a better time with. And that is fantastic, I'm the problem here, not you.

I mean, normal people would just reacted like "oh, it's this person from high school added me", but no, sad pieces of shit like me start to feel affection again after a week of talking, maybe even less, I don't know.

It just fucking sucks, all the stupid anxiety over who initiates the conversations (though being fair it is kind of balanced fortunately), making sure I'm not saturating you even when you never expressed any kind of annoyance and feeling kind of sad when I see you having fun where I'm not included.

What's even worse is that the only minuscule way you have "wronged" me was leaving a message on "seen", which is annoying but it was only once.

Whether you like me or not is not important to this matter, I mean it would be really nice, but this is about me and my horrible self-esteem eating me inside when I get removed of my comfort zone, putting you in some kind of pedestal.

I thank you for adding me again and being so suprisingly talkative, but you ignited some stuff inside me that you are better not knowing

It's so depressing to do things to be loved, accepted or even noticed by people, only to remain ignored and unwanted anyway. Then to watch others do damn near nothing and be showered with love and acceptance because they're everything you're not. These people are so used to it that they don't even want it. Meanwhile, I don't even get one person to care and I remain alone.

And as if people want to keep playing bad jokes on me. When I try to set myself up to be alone and ignored or when I stop trying to find love and acceptance, that's when people get upset about me being alone. I don't understand. When I want to be with people they avoid me but it's somehow offensive when I try to spare myself the constant rejection and remain alone. I'm tired of being this unwanted existence.

>>18350570
Every woman I try to interact with on a romantic scale stop being love interests to me when i become their friend, I'm just not attracted to them I guess
What the hell do I do with that?

NIGGERS!

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I'm finally moving on from my ex.

She got into another relationship with an ugly 30 year old and is making alot of bad decisions like tattoos and it's made the whole event alot easier for me. What an idiot, good riddance.

Hope things go well for all of you who were in the same situation. Don't chase those who refuse to reciprocate the love and effort you put forth. There are so many lonely and sad individuals that deserve the attention instead. Maybe even yourself.

it's an injustice but there is nowhere that would give a shit. these things are important but not to anybody

I've been lonely for over 25 years, and I cling to every woman that crosses my path, and I'm doing it again now, but I gotta just accept it, I won't ever get everything I want and that's how life is, and that's fine by me.

>>18352362
Are you ugly? Overweight? Autistic?

Today is the 10th anniversary of "johns" death.
I knew John from highschool, I was a bit of a loner but he was always nice to me and we eventually became friends, which taught me some decent social skills.
john came from a bad family, his father was an alcoholic and his mother died when he was a child.
He always seemed happy though.
He was cheerful in school, quite popular and girls loved him. he had several girlfriends while I was kind of awkward and a late bloomer, at times I was even jealous of him.
As he got older and moved out he picked up some bad habits, we even experimented with drugs sometimes, and we both started smoking.
He had a girlfriend too where I was still to shy to get one, he'd wingman for me in clubs and I got a few girls semi interested in me, although I always assumed they just wanted me to get closer to him.
One night after clubbing he went home and smoked a cigarette and fell asleep. when he awoke his room on fire and his carpet was blazing. He escaped alive, thankfully.
he had second degree burns and some in his face. It were tough times for him, and I was there to support him.
His girlfriend left him, which made it even worse for him.
Girls didnt even want his attention anymore, and he also lost his job because he was depressed all the time and couldnt focus.
About a year later he killed himself, even though he was on medication and in support groups.

We'll meet again someday.

i'm wasting my life away, and i've been wanting to kill someone for so long now, knowing i'll never actually do it because law(and also concern of not being physically able to do it and backfiring on me) but still it feels like something's missing, also i'm sexually frustrated as shit

>>18351148
Initials?

I just wanted to silently thank my GF for wearing birth control while we were dating.

I see a lot of my friends, my age, slightly older, slightly younger, all having kids with people that you can tell aren't going to be around.. And, I'm just glad, despite all the lying, and all the cheating that went on in our shitty relationship for 3+ years, thank you for at least always taking your birth control, and not completely ruining both of our lives for the next 18 years.

>>18350928
It's highly unlikely that's from the punch, but it might be something serious regardless like a tumor or something check your doctor asap, don't "tomorrow" me pick the phone up and make an appointment and check that shit up

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>>18350570
Turbo-manlet reporting in. It sucks, lads. It's really hurt my self-esteem as of late. I didn't think about it much until I started to go on /r9k/ a few years ago and then it all blew up. I also don't get out much anymore, which makes me feel lonely.

You're a worthless whore and that's all you'll ever be. Honestly go die you don't deserve anything out of life

Whenever I write my thoughts down in these threads, I always get it wrong. Despite trying to show you how I feel, I can't. I use repetitive language and say the same distant phrases over and over. Not sure when the last time I got a response is, but still, I know I'm getting it wrong. Regardless, I'll try to give more examples this time.

Yesterday, I was making pizza, and it reminded me of being a child and how my sister always wanted to eat the pepperoni before it was done cooking. It annoyed me at the time, but I could see her motive, because they were delicious. Now, that's not the case. It's salty and kind of good, but you don't really feel satisfied even while eating it. There's that impression of something good, but the real thing is blank. Still, I keep eating them, because nothing else comes close to giving that sensation, weak as it is.

Take that, and apply it to absolutely everything. All forms of entertainment are used solely to pass the time. There are no more divine, artistic feelings - in fact, it doesn't even feel comfy to listen to falling rain, or recline in a hot shower. How does it feel? It feels like nothing. Imagine the most neutral mood you've ever felt, and you'll be close. It's being completely unaffected by almost all stimuli in life, and being crushed by the remaining boredom. This might bring to mind a picture of some existentialist anguish, but the reality is just boredom. All the time.

How do I explain to people that conversation doesn't feel good anymore? I saw a therapist, I tried, and he didn't get it. Despite my efforts, I doubt you will either.

This is not living. It's not. It's sterility of the highest degree.

I'm so glad I broke up with my girlfriend. I was lying to myself for so long

I just want to fuck you already, i want to be more inimate with you, I know you'd be down too. I just have a hard time clicking with people on that level. I wish you could just understand that

>>18352641
You might have ADHD based on my understanding that people with ADHD sometimes just do not get stimulated by anything. A medicine like adderall or ritalin would probably help desu

>>18352465
get off r9k. small hands bro reporting here, so I know what it's like to compare your insecurity everywhere and that makes you reclusive and suicidal.

Just keep getting out there and doing shit anon it's the only way!!

>>18352420
Heavy anon. Truly fucking heavy. I don't know who you are, but I'm meeting my boys for drinks this weekend. We're all going to take a shot for John.

>>18352648
I can focus. I cannot enjoy.

>>18352070
Stop being so hard on yourself desu. You'd be suprised how many people have feeligns as well. Even people you perceive as cool, but they don't hate themselves for it. What you're feeling is just part of life, everyone feels that way at one point! So relax!

>>18352543
Want to let it all out anon? Talk about?

>>18351538
Tell your homies you really like her and you will feel empowered by their energy to see you succeed and the wind of support from your friends will give you the confidence to get the girl

>>18351418
sounds like my ex lol. not with the situation but the fucking temper. I ended it yesterday and I feel really, really good.

It lasted four years

>>18351402
It'll be alright desu, don't be so hard on yourself. Don't go into any day with expectations, just walk into the day with your best foot forward.

Literally nothing is set in stone, and you're in control. It's weird, but you can literally make this the best summer of your life if you want.

Think positive, you have value

>>18351378
What no one tells you, is that experiences like that are necessary for improvement and discipline. It sucks cause it feels like regression, but it'll only be regression if you don't bounce back.

And your mind is telling you you're too worthless to bounce back.

Fight the negative voice holding you back OP, you can envision the life you want to leave. Don't be discouraged when your mind is scattered and you mess up. It happens desu

>>18351370
Sounds like you're going through an intense life transition anon. that was interesting to read

>>18351286
You have to dare to reach and face risk. That's the only way you will be happy.

>>18351246
I feel like I've literally been there. I got on anti depressants.

I went from a guy who tried to kill himself two times in one year to a guy who's going to go to a party tomorrow with my friends and have a blast. I'm looking forward to my days now.

I know from experience your ship can be turned around. Buck up desu, you'll be alright. Everything will be okay

>>18351241
Just recently ended a chaotic relationship, and this post made me sad.
Ah, breakups are hard. Good luck desu

Everybody keeps disappointing me. At some point, one has to wonder if they should just lower their expectations.

am I being poisoned again?

That extremely disgusting yeasty smelling shit is back. What the fuck is that?

>>18352045
>I eventually found out she had been back in contact with her ex
mate you dodged a bullet. also it was her ex for a reason. they're not going to be staying together. I've never seen people that break up get back together and stay together. I've personally tried my damndest to make that kind of situation work but it's just not a normal thing.

also maybe don't be a husk of a person? that doesn't help with women.

>tfw you're a trad man and you've got a pretty good handle on life for the most part
>tfw then you start liking trad woman
>tfw had a problem falling really hard too fast your whole life
>tfw finally get a good handle on the one emotion that's been unmanageable all these years
question is, what happens when we meet. will the control hold or am I going to do the whole, all in, thing again. gotta change out this switch for a dimmer.

>>18351418
I'm guessing you have a few often. Therefore, she can never count on you and is extremely frustrated. She is not upset because you didnt drink and drive. You're engaged, don't go to the bar on weekdays. You're suppose to be the person she can call in need. If it is too much to ask, move along.

I hope I have enough confidence to talk to cute girls in cosplay this summer

>>18352030
you

>>18351418
stop drinking. its degenerate. you should be there for your woman.

>>18352828
or at least stop drinking heavily and frequently. pretty much this >>18352818

I want to kill myself. I have good plans not to fuck it up.

All because my gf put our relationship on "pause" ...I haven't seen her in a month.

I am going to a therapist and get pills ...but I still want to end it all. I have had a good life (getting 32) and I have seen a lot of the world.

But a life without her?
So yeah ...I feel llike it is a good call to end the constant suffering.

I wish I could stop loving unconditionally. I don't want to use it on people who don't deserve it. Why should they get to feel good because I give them my all and I get nothing in return. I'm done. I'm sick of people. They're the ones who deserve to be in pain

>>18352821
You can do it. Be nice, talk to them. If she cosplays you both have a common interests!

>>18352845
>I'm done. I'm sick of people. They're the ones who deserve to be in pain
well thats not a healthy way to look at it. sort yourself out son.

been there, felt that hurt, got selective instead of burning all the bridges. see what if you stop loving like that and then find someone worth it? think you can get it back or did you just fuck yourself. just because other people aren't loving right doesn't mean you change what you're doing right.

society these days is toxic to love and it's by design but the correct response isn't to let it steamroll you and join the scheme, its to keep going out of spite for the bullshit.

you're gonna carry that weight

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>>18352853
Thanks comrade. As lame as it sounds, it's something I've been looking forward to all year. I worked hard to get into shape but I want to pull this off well and hopefully have people admire it.

>>18350570
I AM A WORTHLESS, TALENTLESS, SAD EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. MY MOTHER DIED BEGETTING THIS WORTHLESS HUMAN BEING, AND MY FATHER WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS WORTHLESS HUMAN BEING.

>>18352859
I'm not going to do the same shit over and over and again just to gas some whores ego. I've dealt with too much fucking shit, why should I keep hurting myself for something that doesn't even exist I'm tired of this shit

I have no idea what people see in life, i've never had any interest in it, the world is so dull. Just work and take part in a toxic society, what's the fucking point?

If you don't lose weight I'm going to break up with you. I have lost 50lbs since we've gotten together but you've just gained. You are closer to 300lbs than 200lbs and that disgusts me. I don't want to even be intimate with you anymore because you get so WET with sweat it makes me want to hurl. Lose weight with me or lose your girlfriend

>>18352891
Have you traveled?
Have you seen mountains?
Have you climbed them?

If you dragg yourself on the highest mountain that you think you can take, ask yourself your question again.

>>18352898
No, I have no money to do that.

>>18352900
Hitchhike. It is free, and more often then not people let you sleep in their houses

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My dog had to be put down today due to complications with cancer. This was the last thing I needed.

RIP Rosie

>>18352891
you are now aware that it's intentional, that what you feel is caused by the nihilistic nature of post modernism. you are now aware that it wasn't always this way. you are now aware that there is a solution.

hey kid, you wanna change the world with nationalism?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-sYDf0YGv4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkE-D7mJ9CA

>>18352903
this is a great way to get murdered.

>>18352908
What have you to loose?

Besides I traveled that way in most of the world and I still live.

>>18352903
Meh, don't really want to. Don't see what the point would be, i'm not going to find a way to tolerate this shit up a mountain.

>>18352906
You kept her suffering to a minimum. YOU did what was RIGHT for her.

Chin up, buck. Shed those tears with pride! Be proud of your love for her.

>>18352912
I mean I'm not that anon, I'm just saying.

>>18352913
You can't say that before you tried.
>Just work and take part in a toxic society, what's the fucking point?
Right now you doesn't seem to eager to even try to answer that question for yourself

>>18352906
beautiful dog. i'm sorry for your loss desu

>>18352647
Something tells me you're C, but I'm just fantasizing.

I would also kill for that. I don't understand your thought process though. So, you wanna smash, but...you don't want to? It's that hard to click with people to smash?

Because that's just a revolving door mentality if I ever saw one, holy shit. Either you truly, absolutely do, or you don't.

>>18350570
My doctor fucked up my blepharoplasty and had to do a revision, now my right eye looks really scarred. I've smoked so much weed and cigarettes because everytime I look at the mirror, it stresses me out I've spent money on a irreversible surgery and I'm afraid to close my eyes in front of a girl because of the fucking scarring.

so you're a janitor huh? interesting. makes sense tho, and that would mean you are in fact picking up every breadcrumb I'm putting down so that you can learn about me too.

good, now it feels at least a little more equal in the learning about each other department.

you already know this, but you should get used to me saying it, you're beautiful in so many ways.

or I picked up a hint from someone else to someone else lol.

I am so fucking done, I have become the person I hate and I don't have the strenght to go back. I have waited more than 1 year and the streght is not coming back. I've tried everything, I've tried so fucking hard. Nothing works, nothing can save me. The pain is hard and there's no end in sight. I've tried to be good and it's burnt me to the point of no return. There is no fucking hope, I am not willing to work on myself anymore, there's nothing this life can give me that is worth this pain I'm feeling.

>>18352934
been there, thought that, keep going. it gets better.

>>18352930
Oh how I wish this letter's for me.

I'm not exactly appreciated at work, but this would be such a warm compliment.

>>18352925
Not C. But I don't have much experience. Just kinda nervous and I have a hard time expressing emotions and all that stuff.

I wish I could kiss someone I love. I've never been intimate with anyone I've ever cared about. It makes me feel worthless and stupid that I've never been able to do something so simple. Love doesn't exist

everyone has their breaking point. my life has not been in any way easy, and I've been to that point quite a few times. each time I come out better though. don't judge me too harshly for words said in despair as the road crumbles in sight of where I want to be.

lol, oddly, every time it's because someone or something determined that there's something better elsewhere. you'd think at this point I wouldn't even have that reaction and would just get excited for whatever is coming up. but it's not always readily apparent.

if everything I had been working toward here had worked out, this, would not be happening.

>>18352936

This is not first time I've had to "keep going" while feeling like this. I'm tired. It gets better for some time just to eventually fall back to right where it was or worse, it's just not worth it. Fuck this, it's a mistake to post this shit on the internet, all the "advice" just makes me pointlessly wander about retarded shit that leads me nowhere. I just needed to let it out somehow.

>>18352938
well I meant a janitor on this site, but know that when I walk into a building and its nice and clean I always respect the people behind that work. I'm sure you're a beautiful person as well.

>>18352919
I'm not, i'm 27, done nothing. So far behind everyone, I just don't care anymore, I never really have.

>>18352941
>Love doesn't exist
it does, it's just really really hard to find. in 26 years I've found it twice I think. possibly working on the second time right now but it's so hard to know with the way things are progressing. I dont think it's one sided though.

So I was going through some severe body image issue shit for the past several years annnnd figured out the main problem was probably me not knowing how to take care of myself. These past few months I've lost a lot of weight, taken care of my skin, and have been dressing myself better. Still have my doubts but, hey, I'm getting somewhere. The attention other guys have given me I've brushed off, though, and I've kept my narrative of being too unattractive for love or even sex alive.

Today was, well. A bombshell. And for once I don't know what to do with it…it’s not something vague that could be ignored.

There's this boy in class, kind of hot. He...well, he always glances at me. Today I just had to look back at him and he just...bit his lip as his eyes seemed to glide down my body then back to me eyes and it just seemed so...so...Naughty. What. The. Fuck? I felt so hot and bothered by it, stuff like this drives my body crazy. Maybe it's a virgin thing, I dunno...it just made me uncomfortable.

Oh. And the slowmotion trainwreck didn't even stop there.

Just now a little after midnight a dude waved at us At first me and my dormmate were freaked out. Then an hour later it came to me; he had strolled back to the dorm next to ours…and then a hour later it struck me: he lived next to me this entire year. We know a few of our neighbors...just not the dudes next door, who we rarely if ever see at all.

Thousands upon thousands of students, and he, of ALL guys, is my neighbor. He has to be just playing around with me. Even so, his presence is disconcerting. What am I to do? Avoid him? Annoy my dormmates by always keeping the windows closed? I don't even know.

>>18352123
That shit made it easier for you?

It made me blame myself and wonder what I could have possibly done to her to make her act like that.

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I don't know how I'm so bad at the entire dating scene.
I've been single for about a year and a half now with no signs of things changing. I dated a couple of girls who, for various reasons, have all ended things early on, and I'm not really sure why. I'm relatively good looking, I'm smart, funny and just generally a decent guy. On paper I feel like I'm a good catch, but I get nothing long term. Is it just that I'm awkward, or is it because I'm not overtly flirty and promiscuous? This tinder shit is depressing me too. I get matches but no dates.
I think I might just become a hermit.

idk why i feel empty, like not depressed just empty. i don't often show my emotion , it's in my nature. i'm scared of people judging me so i don't talk to a lot of person. i'm not really atractive just average. what should i do

>>18352976
She left me for another guy who she had initially left for me when she was unhappy with from a 4 year relationship. I couldn't find another apartment fast enough so she went back to him who wound up hating her guts. She's a stupid slut that has no clue what she wants, grass is greener type of person woman that'll cheat in every relationship.

I'm scared shitless of loneliness and of being given up on by every body. I've always been. Even when I was 6 or 7 I was scared to be thrown on the streets by my parents. It lasted until their divorce, when I discovered they were fighting over which one I would stay with when I was around 10. I'm kind of angry they never even realised I was scared of this kind of stuff. And as long as I'll be angry it'll be too soon for me to talk to them about it.
That and the fact they consider me like some sort of failure even tho I don't understand on what (good studies that let to good job that later led to depression and unemployment)

Today it fucks up all my relationships, romantic or not, because I feel so needy in affection and scared people that say nice things will disappear from my life. Also makes me feel that it's necessary to be functional not to give a fuck if you're alone or not. Even if I know it's bullshit. Anyway,slice of my life

>>18353018
I was with mine for 2 years. She was pulling a bunch of shit that i wasn't aware of until the end, not gonna go into all that. Always somehow my fault. Not saying i'm perfect or anything but I never treated her nearly as badly as she did me. After the breakup she got with some emo faggy loser and got pregnant.

>>18351446

I had done that for the longest time, make false promises to make my way out to you. But this last time, when I finally could and have kept my job and worked to keep my promise, you told me to stay here in Missouri. I had a leaving date and everything. It was going to be perfect, everything we planned for it to be.

You deserve to suffer. Stop pushing me

>>18352958
It's 100% one sided. How the fuck is that supposed to help?

>>18353038
We're both much, much better off. So much drama and worry about alterior motives. Once you break my trust especially with something big like that then I'd rather not lose sleep thinking about who's on her mind. Let someone else worry about that shit. She got a tattoo on her ring finger of the date she and the current scumbag started dating. Must be a great guy, overweight 40 looking 28 year old with lobster red skin from installing pools that was locked up 4 times for concealment/hindering arrest. So probably hiding criminals in his house or something, still don't fully understand what it means. She talked to me out of the blue and he was lying to her about it. She wouldn't believe me when I told her so she'll learn some point. Dude can probably fuck her good enough to keep him around and give her a place to live but it'll only last so long before she wants whatever is missing.

This will always be your fault

>>18353072
>>18353191
I think you both would make a cute couple

I found out a couple hours ago that my dad had a heart attack last night. He is in the ICU now and is going to be going through open fucking heart surgery some time in the next couple of days. He's in his 60's. I've been falling apart all day.

My mom called me after work today and when I picked up it was actually my dad on the phone, he told me he loved me and he made some jokes about my apartment being messy (I just went through a move and am still unpacking).

It took a ton to hold it together through the conversation. Since then I've been fucking bawling my eyes out.

You can do it man. it's not too late. You just to work, and focus on it. It's the only thing that is being asked of you.

I have far too much for me to handle. I can't get my shit together. I want off the carousel already.

I just don't wanna be around people, I don't want to see how shit I am compared to them.

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I really felt like things were getting better for me over the past few weeks, but today I just feel so broken and overwhelmed by everything like none of it matters. I want to just go to sleep and never wake back up.

>>18353082
>It's 100% one sided
nah, I think she's having fun with this just like I am.

>>18353290
and even if it is one sided, I'll change that when we meet irl.

wonder how far back logs go and if there's any indication of when the IP became mine.

Glad H was back from her holiday.

Even though I only saw her for about 2 minutes, it made going to work worth it.
That place is literal hell without her there.

>>18350570
I wish I were fucking dead.

I'm so fucking bored. There are things that I know I could enjoy but I just don't fucking care. I don't think they would really give me any sort of enjoyment anyways really.

What, hang out with my parents? The same people that have been lying to me my entire fucking life, continue to lie to me, have poisoned me and more? The same people that would rather watch me suffer than do something about it? I trust them not-at-fucking-all.

I want to die.

>>18353112
That happened a long time ago. Coupled with some childhood trust issues it's kept me away from relationships since.

At any rate, good luck to you.

>>18353195
Pretty sure those are both from the same person.

>>18353249
The feeling is mutual here.
Everyone rags on and on about how I'm a bad guy when the reality is I keep improving myself every day I'm here.

The people here are some of the lousiest scum you could ever meet, the job is dirty to match with how the atmosphere is, and all in all, I come home almost in tears from both physical and mental pain.

In the end of the day, I focus on my goals of getting the fuck out of here after a year of work. Maybe 2 for good measure, but we'll see how quality goes during this time.

My goal is to get the fuck out of this crappy position in style while finding a position that's far less dirty, or at least more welcoming.

I'm tired.
My feet hurt.
I just wanna sleep, but I don't want to wake up with the feeling of the realisation that I'm stuck in this boring, senseless cycle of self-repeating, day-to-day life.
I'm not afraid of doing it.
I just hate doing it.
I have to power through it and keep on going like a machine, but sometimes I just feel like going back to sleep and being careless.

I WANNA BUY ADDY BUT I'M TOO AUTISTIC TO ACTUALLY TALK TO STRANGERS FOR A CONNECT AND WOULD PROBABLY GET STABBED AND MUGGED BY A DEALER BECAUSE OF HOW BIG OF A PUSSY I AM

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"If you don't fail, you don't learn"
and yet jobs/colleges encourage learning where failure is penalized and common to the point where people find ways for cheating the system and avoid failure learning nothing but to cheat there way out of things.

Where can I fail and try again without consequences/penalties?

Meh, I stormed out of her family's house this morning because I couldn't handle her horrendous behavior anymire, where she blames and belittles me because I left her down.

Circumstances are we have been trying hard the past 6 weeks to find an affordable house, only for me to realize once we finally find something that I won't be able on my salary aline to pat for everything and save at the same time. Should I lose my job or pay for any health urgency, we couldn't even sustain 2 months like this.

First time in 3 years I do that, despite all the shit she threw at me. She can be a loving wife, but definitely has anger management problems, and keep trying to hurt people in such situations.

I want out sometimes, but I love my daughter dearly. It feels like I will be miserable, either stuck in this relationship, or away from my daughter, no matter what.

>>18353505
LOL for adderal

>>18353488
breaks are alright anon. if you don't you are going to crash hard. you can push how long you can run flat out by continually pushing but you can't escape the crash. t. someone that worked 80+ hours a week for 2, almost 3 years and is just coming back from a crash as of the last month.

I still can't tell if it's worth it. I'm ahead of a lot of people in my generation but that crash is a bitch.

I wish people would stop being so impatient. I don't know if it's different in other countries, but here in America the individualistic culture takes deep hold within people, and a lot of people have a "dog eat dog" mentality when it comes to interacting with others. They have a jaded outlook on people in general, they feel like they have to "seduce" girls to get them to love them, see only what they can take from others.

Basically, I wish people would be more patient with life in general. Talk slower, think about things more, don't jump into relationships, build things up over time. You don't need things "now".

I'm so sorry for being an ass. This is my second relation and it's so hard for me. I hate to adjust, to change things. I love you and I want to do it for you. But it's so hard. It has nothing to do with you, it's me. I just need to do it. But even doing things I love is hard some times. I hate getting out of bed some days. You know that.

Fuck this meh, it's already over, I don't know what to do

>>18353520
I know.
I just feel like a biological robot whose desire to survive and thrive is coded too strong to go under despite all problems.
Sometimes being strong hurts as well, I guess.

>>18351241
Fuck dude. I'm trying to get out of here, believe me. I don't know if we'll ever work out, I dont know if we were ever meant to be a couple but I've come to realise that I want you somewhere in my life in whatever way.

>>18351148
Masala?

>>18350570
I've felt so alone for so long now but everyone I've ever met treats me like shit, now I'm happy when people are sad because I want them to experience he pain I've endured, I don't care about anyone outside of my family but I want to be loved.

>>18350570
Western society is corrupt and the only solution is mass-genocide or suicide.

I like how the persona of me is a beaten to shit girl that just don't care.

I want to fuck him so badly but I don't want to ruin my friendship with him. I know there's something there that words can't explain. We both feel it. It's so cosmic.

I want that fucking forbidden fruit. I wanna just be a bad person and not give a good god damn and fuck his brains out. I want us to belong to each other for those brief moments when our bodies are entwined.

I almost get off on the thought of touching him when he promised himself to someone else in those monogamous vows years ago. I shiver thinking about that mouth that has kissed his wife sucking on my nipples and tasting the sweet wetness between my legs.

I know that I'll be vilified for even considering such an arrangement but I am this fucking close to not giving a fuck.

This is almost over, isn't it?

>>18353669
I completely agree, just apply it to the whole world, all humans do is argue and fight and repeat the same mistakes, I say we end it quickly and just blow up the world already, cause fuck knows that the world's gonna end in nuclear annihilation anyway, might as well make it now.

why is life so cruel?

>>18353669
>society is corrupt
ftfy

My mother is a psychopath. She told me nobody loves me, and that I shouldn't worry if I kill myself that she would be hurt, because she would get over it eventually. I know all this is coming from a place of pain, her mother was fucked up to her, but I just can't believe how bad it is. I wish my dad saw it before they decided to have me.

Seriously, all these little "It is your fate" and comparisons to Jesus are freaking me the fuck out. There is no way in hell that I am some kind of messiah.

This has to be a sick joke. Everyone on Earth just bands together to fuck with one random person.

Just tell me what is going on. Tell me without playing a game with me. What am I? Who am I? Why is this happening? For the love of... god...

I've thought about you a lot today. I'm not gonna lie. I went to that store today hoping you got your job back there and I'd run into you. What for? Idk. I'm sure I wouldn't talk to you. I probably wouldn't even look at you. Maybe just to be sure that you exist. Maybe to remind you that I exist. I think I miss you. But I'm not sure if that's the right term for how I feel. You still terrify me after what you did. Maybe I miss the old you. The one who made wonderful memories with me. I'm glad I didn't see you at the store.

This has always been a place for us to share our thoughts, in joy or in sorrow. I wonder if you have remembered it. I miss you. I wonder if you miss me too. How much?

>>18353807
Don't deny your calling

Maybe I'm overreacting. Or maybe you really are a piece of shit for thinking it's ok to threaten suicide. After all, I told you what I've been through with my ex. You don't even realize that when you lash out, you act very similarly to the way he did. Yet, you call him psycho. You are manipulative. And you think I owe you something romantically. I'm not sure where you get that idea. I know you're hurting, but that doesn't give you the right to make me feel like a bad person for not choosing you.

I can't stop thinking about you. I want to know more about you but I want to hear it from you over dinner, or just hanging out. I want to fall asleep holding you. I want to meme irresponsibly with you and shitpost on /pol/ late into the night laughing til we're sore. I want to just get lost in your eyes in person, kiss you, caress you.

alright I gotta stop, I'm trying to put the breaks on this fall a little bit cause the rate that I'm falling and the rate things are progressing are not proportional. I mean we don't even talk regularly yet. I could try to initiate that but I know for the most part it's going to get lost.

>>18353906
I keep writing, my heart is going to completely override my brain. been awhile since I've had this problem. like years.

M,

A

sometimes I feel like I'm wielding 10 swords yet you are in the corner and you've got yourself an MMO, depression, and a wall you're too tired to break

Am I really misinterpreting you if I see myself from 4th grade crying on my dog's stomach in your image

i'm so depressed that i don't even feel like getting drunk right now

Why do I fall so hard for this girl that probably doesn't even know i exist anymore. We used to be good friends up until 7th grade and then... nothing... I feel so empty without her. We used to text all the time and she had been helping me through my depression. I've had nobody to talk to for 5 years and it's getting so hard not being able to vent to someone that I know IRL to. I was only a friend to her, but she was so much more to me. Tomorrow will be the last day i see her for the rest of my life as we part ways and i just feel so.. sad.. I feel horrible for feeling so attached to someone but i can't help it. I just wish i could go back in time and relive those days with her again.

Dear person who is being manipulated by everything in the media, is being poisoned and watched all the time. You're not alone, but you need to contain that shit bro

I wish we could've run into each other today. I wanted to talk with you a bit, but it just didn't work out. I tried to make eye contact when we passed. I think you responded positively to it.

Then I learned you were going to one of the people in the group I was going out with after work. It was something I know you're interested in, so I thought it was a sure thing you'd show up and we'd get a chance to talk more after all. But you didn't show.

Part of me is worried I did something stupid to put you off hanging out with the whole group, but that's just me being paranoid. I know that's unreasonable.

I had managed to build up my confidence and what I thought was good vibes throughout the day. I guess I'm just kind of sad that I didn't get a chance to talk to you more.

In a few years, I'm going to look back at this period and go, "What the hell?". Every other time in my life up until now, I've been doing something, or getting interested in a topic. Earlier I was looking at some old forum posts on Ultimate Guitar, and even if I was a dumb kid back then, I was active, alive - I left a trace. Now I'm a phantom. These past three years I've been doing the same things but with gradually less interest. Sure, the internet is getting more similar and more compressed than it used to be, but that can't be it. Right now, it feels like life is over for me. That's ridiculous, though. I'm 18. I got into a good university, and I have almost unlimited opportunities.

I am depressed, and I can't enjoy things, but there's a nagging sense in the back of my mind that I'm partially at fault for my unhappiness. If there's a pessimistic outlook, I dart straight to it. Every major life improvement I've attempted has been sidelined by other things with minimal opposition by my willpower. I could start meditating again any night, for instance. Just now I considered learning German, and it's possible that I should. It might not feel as good as it should, but it's something. I cling really hard to video games and music to pass the time, when here's a thing that will both pass the time and bring me closer to feeling alive.

I need to come up with something new to keep me in line. Either strengthen my willpower, or adopt some ritual. I'm not sure. I have to, though - sitting here like this, night after night, is killing any chance I have of making something of this short life.

I wish I could sit on your lap, wrap my arms around your neck and kiss you. I need you so badly right now. Why can't you leave me alone? You know I love you. It's torture to get you off of my mind but you won't let me get over you.

Can you please stop being so apathetic?

You're all the same. I haven't met anyone different. Fuck all your self help chatrooms, fuck all your vent threads, fuck all of you. Prove me wrong.

>>18354204
Cry more pussy bitch

I pee in my bathroom sink because it saves water and I also jack off into my neighbor's sink all the time

>>18352681
hey wow, thank you.
i don't know how you reached into my post and dug out exactly what i'm going through, i didn't realize i conveyed it so well, but thank you.

i'm going to get help, dammit.

I regret every decision I've made and I have no idea how to unfuck my life.

The reality of knowing no one will ever love me like that again. So much time has already passed since.

>>18353826
Oh you hahaahahahhahahaa.

Loved her so much. She told me she loved me too. I spent all my fucking money on her. I leaned on her for support. I risked it all. She just stopped talking to me entirely. Told my friends she was better without me but not to tell me because I would be heartbroken. Jokes on you bitch, you're not a catch. I may miss your boobs but that's about it. I may spiral and act like a crazy fucker but I'm better than you. I hope you two fuck and you get their diseases because I KNOW they have some. Of course I'm never going to tell you that because you ignore all my messages :)

A. Please just give me something to work with. I dont understand you right now, and I'm so confused every time that we talk or see each other. I dont want out relationship to become weird if I confess and you simply see me as a friend but that is what I want for us. I just feel lonely in the world right now and I want to share my life with you.

>>18353906
It's your move to make.

>>18354121
Because you're my goddess, goddamn it.
If I don't orbit you, then my life's fucking terrible.

Life is too short. Take the chance and let him or her know.

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long story short; in a few months my wifes bestfriend is gonna have my baby. again. so, ill have two babies with my wifes bestfriend while only having one with my wife.

>>18350702
he obviously stopped being a faggot

>>18354469
I did. She doesn't want me. I've felt like shit for months.
I don't know where to go to meet new people.

>>18350864
ise better sentence structure so the c.i.a. doesnt have to work so hard to decipher your inane ramblings. youre wasting my fucking tax money.

https://youtu.be/hYuUpeKeWI4

>>18350922
trehnical school. its cheaper and the education is more focused on what you need to know for the trade youre learning. or, to keep shit fresh, just get all the loan money and fuck off to mexico.

>>18350746
Change your typing style. Stop using exclamation marks and capitals.

>>18354525
Well don't go to bars. Don't try directsocial media, waste of time. Get on facebook, go to the events section and start attending nearby events that interest you. Facebook categorizes it so it makes it easy.

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>>18354507
and it really doesnt bother me in the slightest

>>18354507
I wonder how many girls got wet over reading your post.

last year i was diagnosed with depression. it was pretty severe. last year was bad. i wanted to die. i had moved so far away but i had some extended family here. we became close. esp my uncle and i, more friends than anything. i didnt know what to do as i spiraled. i recgnized it too late. i lost my job. i wanted to die

i reached out to the only people i had, my family here at first they said they would help me get thru it. they were supportive. i was falling apart. i needed to be hospitalized but i couldnt move. i couldn't leave. i tried.

i asked my uncle to help me get there. i was desperate. i just didnt want to hurt anymore.

he didnt help me though. no one did. i never did get to the hospital. after i asked for his help getting there he inexplicably juat stopped talking to me. no texts, no calls. he just told me id thrown away the only good job i ever had and stopped contact. the rest of the family, my aunt, my cousins, and my dad all followed suit.

i was lost and alone and afraid.

months passed and all i heard was from my young cousin. "no one will talk to you because no one cares about you or your problems.

o-ok....

i feel deeper.

by the time the holidays came i thought the worst was over. i was healing aftrr the pain and what i saw as betrayal.

but i wanted my family back. shortly before thanksgiving i tried to contact them via a few platforms. they ignored me, some of them blocked me. and i, i just lost it.

i almost died that day.

i am doing better today. that wasnt the last good job i ever had. he underestimated me. i bounced back. and the girl i love is in my life again. we are just friends, as it couldnt work for various reasons, but she is in my life. she is all i need really. i love her so much. she knows that. maybe one day we can be together and no one will know. maybe its like she said, that deep down she was always afraid to admit her feelings. she is quite wonderful. my job ain't bad. my family never came back. i lost them all.

I don't know what to do. I thought everything would go right after going back to school. After I crashed and burned from my own incompetence and lived as a neet for 2 or 3 years... I thought I could pick everything off the ground and try again and succeed.

But it's all happening again, everything is falling down a far too similar path again. I should get help. But I can't bother others nor disappoint others with my problems.
Why not?
Because I'm scared of what kind of help I'll get.
Like what?
I'll be labeled as something worse than a schizo this time and be locked up the mental ward again.
That won't happen.
Kill me pls.
But you can't die.
Why not?
Because of a mountain of reasons. I just have to go on then.
I don't know who I am, what I'm doing, nor what's wrong with me. I need help... but I don't want it...

>>18354564
my dad, my uncle, all of them. i still care. but at the same time i cant, they contributed greatly to me nearly destroying myself. i dont think i can forgive them anyway. either way, i am very lucky

>>18350570
i fucking hate passive aggressive redditors, it want to fucking reach through my screen and give them a fucking triple hernia

>>18354468
>orbiting
>not going for a steep reentry
you've gotta either crash and burn or land on fertile ground. you don't get to progress in life by not making choices.
>>18354438
you're right. I started this with zero trepidation, and now what am I doing? making excuses.
>>18354529
tbqhfam this lmao.

I feel like giving up on being social. I simply don't understand relationships. I've always had the fantasy of being a popular charismatic guy surrounded by friends, family and a loving gf, but in reality I lack any social understanding. My situation has gotten to the point where I don't even want to try anymore. I'm accepting the fact that I'll die a lonely recluse.

I will smile for everyone today.
I will smile for myself today.
Just like any other day.

I should have listened to her advice all those years ago...

>>18354582
do it anon. im lost family to depression guy a few posts up. ive changed my outlook a lot. only ever wanted to not hurt. all it took was for someone really impt to me to tell me to. i finally listened. i havent thought about anheroing in a week

I browse the boards because it makes me feel oddly human. I feel like people here get it. But they are miserable cunts most of the time. That scares me. I don't want to be like that. I want to stop being so miserable. But I also want to get it. What the fuck. Everything is a mess. I am so scared that I'll fail. I hate these girls that won't respond to me. I hate myself for hating them. Hate and fear are all I have. Fuck this.

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>>18354586
well, i care anon. i hope you can find your way. i hope youre not always alone. and i hope you can get through this and find a decent life on the other side of it.

I will never be t(her)e.

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I am easily distracted and procrastinate incessantly, and I feel childish and inferior to my high-achieving friends because of it.

My girlfriend thinks it's because I hate my major and am only motivated by stress and desire to avoid self-loathing (same reason I do almost any self-improvement really - working out, applying for jobs, etc.) whereas my friends legitimately want to be chemists or electronic designers or mathematicians, but I'm terrified to admit to myself that deep down I'm just another worthless fucking stupid consumerist normie with shit analytical skills. I am taking fewer credit hours next semester and hope beyond fucking hope that I'm not actually stupid and flighty and that more time to devote to understanding will make me more engaged with the subjects.

I like to daydream and write and look at character art like pic related. People say I'm a good writer but I've only ever finished things that I've been "forced" to by assignments. I like that one because my girlfriend loves birds and I imagine he's a long dead king in a long decayed kingdom who has become a guardian of nature as the ruins are softly reclaimed by the grass.

>>18354575
aaaaaaaaaaashit. I'm gonna have to break opsec in a big way for this. fuck. well it was going to have to happen anyways, especially if shit goes down on the 10th and I stream. goodbye complete anonymity. I swear to fuck if someone notices me and fucks with my car as a result I will key a motherfuckers face. and then there's those lovely people from a few years ago, they could ID me real quick.

My sister just went crazy in front of my relatives after what was a calm dinner. She said a lot of nasty shit and basically panicked in front of them, said how I'd called her a bitch and how I had said I told her that everything she liked was stupid and lame. It was all untrue, yet they were willing to listen to her theatrics but not to me. She's really just scared of moving away to another university and was just venting. Not cool, but that's why.

I think my relatives think less of me now. Not that that's important, but I'd rather not be slandered, especially by family in front of family.

I'm pissed. Just because she's got anxiety problems doesn't mean that she can pull this kind of shit. She just talked without listening and basically wanted people to just nod in fucking agreement at everything she was saying. I want the best for her. I want her to get better and to get help, but goddammit if I'm not troubled right now.

>>18354598
that's actually pretty neat anon. I like that setting as well.

>>18354605
sounds like she needs help anon. try not to be too angry, we all say and do things that in hindsight we wish we could take back. if she cares she will apologize when that realization hits her, it may not be til she gets better. maybe then she can set the record straight. ik what it is like to be slandered by family, hang in anon

I can't connect to anyone anymore. Everyone that I hang out with feels so fake, like I'm there because it's convenient to them. I'm sick of all the fake bullshit.

At least I know who I am now. I'm glad I feel more confident about myself and what I want to be.

M, I think you're an idiot for basically blowing me off. We had amazing chemistry, and I know you're done with your ex. Don't even try to say you're interested in that other guy. I just want to yell about how stupid you are. you make me insane.

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>>18354557
i wonder how many dudes paused and reflected on the chance something like that may have happened to them

Staying up all night and sleeping all day is not how you get a job.

>>18354611
Thanks, senpai. I know that I need to be there for her, even if it's difficult to do so right now. She's got a lot on her mind, sure, but I don't want to be her punching bag. That's fair, right?

I'll try to find some peace tonight.

>>18354623
youre welcome anon, i always wish people would respond to my post, so i thought i would try to help out

thats fair, yeah. you shouldnt have to be. being a good brother doesnt mean being a push over

>>18354629
Yeah. Thank you.

Night.

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>Friday night feels
>New at this job
>Working here a few months
>Kept asking for projects and demanding interesting work for my dept
>They gave me a client alright, they mentioned it was an easy one and should be done asap
>I'm still new here and the senior people will not respond to my questions at all
>Nobody wants to help and they want to hold onto the knowledge for themselves
>Every time I need an answer I have to go to other depts and my own team won't respond to my emails
>They gave me this project to watch me fail
>I'm doing the best I can given the time I've been at this company the thing is so many of my own team members will not follow up with the questions I've asked
>They want me to fail and quit working for this company
>Currently 2am
>All I can think about is the massive project that goes live next week
>Thinking about my deadline of setting up six data centers across the US and nobody on my team will assist with this
>Either they don't know the answer to the questions I have asked or they don;t care about me at all at this company

>>18354648
Sounds like shit, man. I'd get some sleep if I were you. There's not much you can do, let alone think about, past 2am. There's no point in stressing out at this point. If this shit ain't your fault you should just talk with your manager in the morning.

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Is life worth living if you have no one to share it with? I've been alone for so long that it feels weird imagining myself being in a relationship. I've tried keeping myself busy by working, going to school, and learning different things, but if feels like nothing has changed it all.

>>18354673
I would say no, but then again I'm horribly depressed because I'm so lonely.

>>18354673
ik that feels anon. last gf left me in 09, we lived together, were together a couple years. im fit and decently good looking but all fucked up in the head. ive done some really cool shit alone. but i love someone though, even if she can never love me

>>18354679
at least she knows how much i love her, and she still talks to me a lot. good enough i guess, i dont make a good bf anyway

id say hang in anon, you never know what will end up making this life worth it

I miss you so fucking much and I can't even feel good about that because objectively I have nothing to complain about. I know you love me too and I have good hopes that we'll be alright when we're back together after all those months. There's just this terror deep inside that you might forget me during the summer, and that it'll never be like it was. All these fears just vanish when you answer my texts, but you do so less regularly lately, and I shouldn't care cause I know that you're shit at communicating, but it still fucking destroys me. I can't deal with your absence and if that makes me pathologically dependent then be it.

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>>18354687
>>18354679
I don't know how much longer I can hang on anon... but I can only try and be a good person and hope that I have better luck in my next life.

COMING DOWN FROM ABOVE

so we get into a little fight and don't talk for a while, you needed space and I respect.

Then 10 missed calls and texts at 2am that I didn't get too because I was sleeping and im the bad guy?

please just stop this.

>>18354557
Uh, why would this arouse a girl? Seems more like something a man would like

>>18350797

I sound like your boy and you sound like my girl.

Gain solace from the possibility that he, like I, holds a lot of regret. I ended mine on a whim and she vowed not to take me back due to the shit that i put her through.

That's life, man. I wish you the best.

>>18353586
we probably won't work out, ever, but we'll have some fun. I want my friend back, at least. I miss you, you fucker.

>bust ass cleaning all day
>someone else takes credit for it
>punished for taking a break because it looked like i wasn't doing anything

J U S T E N D M Y L I F E

>>18351148

MTB

>>18352436

Why would you want to kill one specific person, anon?

Think of all the things that really mattered
And the chances you've earned
The fire in your heart is growing (growing)
You can fly, if you try, leaving the past behind.
Heaven only knows what you might find.

Dare, dare to believe you can survive.
You hold the future in your hand.
Dare, dare to keep all of your dreams alive.
It's time to take a stand.
And you can win, if you dare.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKjNVVmLCGQ

am I really hitler?

WHAT THE FUCK AM I?

Please tell me. I need to know.

What is happening is not something that should be happening. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Something like this isn't even legal.

How is it even possible to keep me in the dark for so long? How is it possible to keep the entire world quite? How does someone NOT tell me?

Are there laws that keep people from trying to inform me?

How many people are monitoring me at any one time? How many people are monitoring my internet? Not only actively, but to filter out information that would give this whole show away. There would have to be... hundreds of people actively searching the internet to remove comments, pages, ect...

Have all of my devices been hacked from the beginning? Is that why I started to have such a hard fucking time getting a working internet since ringling?

When I go out, how many people are following me? Do you warn the people in the area ahead of time?

Is this why I am a fucking magnet for people in public transit to just start talking to me? So they could be on TV?

So many weird things have happened in my life. From that time I was in DC, that girl that was dared to say I was cute. In middle school, my lunch account was broken so I had unlimited funds. When I was a kid, we got Mario Kart 64 early by a couple weeks, was that advertising? Is this why Iris was always trying to buy name brand foods?

Emily (CUTIE), was she excited to see me because I was that famous or what?

Tim was a paid actor. That's why he was such a perfect coworker to be around.

What about that Shanghai job? Did I not get it because the CIA wouldn't be able to protect me?

Did the olympics want me to make that ad because of my art or because of this?

OMG SOMEONE NEEDS TO FUCKING TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON

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Fuck. What am I supposed to think? To do? Just last month I felt like a fugly beast of a girl. And then it all changed.
Now, I'm...attractive? But. I'm not even at a reasonable point yet. Weight, skin, hair, fashion (trust me, it's modest). There's so much to be done. But a few guys are genuinely interested in me. I thought the Chad in class that kept oogling me for weeks because he thought I was an eyesore but nah. He tried coming onto me just last Thursday. It was scary as fuck. And there's just so many other examples, all because I apparently made a huge leap of attractiveness just by beginning to care...

Guess it's one of those things to idly observe from a distance...the distance purely being emotional. I'm still me. No matter how mad of a sex drive I have, no matter how lonely I am, that's all irrelevant because I'm just not good enough. I'll really never be good enough--not even for the simplest of pleasures. Now, mopeyness aside, I'm glad my appearance isn't offputting to people. That's what I really was worried about...

I wish that people at the gym would notice how friendly and sweet I am instead of assuming I am an uptight """normie""" who has nothing but mean things to say. I am there to improve myself not speak ill of anyone. Often I find myself stopping the people who do that around me because I don't want to be associated with that behavior. Please be kind to me the next time your group comes to the gym, that is all I ask.