ITT: Ask the opposite gender anything

These are dumb threads, very black and white thinking on both sides. If you're reading this I suggest you click away, or just dismiss all advice given here as satire.

>>18088236
Disagree, In the past days I have received very good answers from girls here that have actually helped with my confidence.

>>18088296
like?

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I hope you guys don't mind if I copy paste my own question in the other topic, since it died out before answers.

For anyone really.

Been dating with someone, am a virgin, but never mentioned it. Was on her house yesterday and one thing lead to another and she was basically wanting to have sex right there and then but I kind of was too fucking nervous and I like was way too fucking scared to have sex with her, even with a condom. She said it was okay and she clearly still likes going out with me and wants to be with me, but I'm scared shitless. Terrified of having sex with her again.

I've been pondering all day what do I do now. Do I talk to a psychiatrist? Do I break up with her? Do I talk to her about this? (I really dislike this third option, since makes me look like some spineless faggot who can't even into sex)

The whole thing was so messy and fucking weird and totally not what I expected it to be, and I'm here really distressed and scared about having to go through that again.

>>18088328
How long have you been dating?

>>18088330
Been talking to her for about... three months or so? I think?

I have been dating her for about a month now, 4 dates. Counting yesterday.

Sorry if I don't answer more, I'm off to bed.

>>18088328
She sounds like a nice girl and since she wanted to have sex with you she's probably willing to walk you through it. Just get it out in the open and ask for her help anon

What if my bf stops loving me?

>>18088348
Thenot you stop loving him

>>18088328

Of those three options the third is definitely the best. In fact you call the third one spineless but it's actually the only one that confronts the problem directly instead of shying away from it. Lay it out, be honest, and just relax. If she's patient with you then it's not gonna bother her. It's supposed to be fun, not like a dentist appointment. Remember being too nervous about it for too long does start to wear thin after a while.

>>18088328
Been in your place kiddo

That girl really cares about you. Virginity is not a dealbreaker at this point, and she probaby already noticed it. Just make things easier for both of you and talk to her about it. I know it's hard, I even cried a little bit when I did, but it will really make your bond deeper.

Don't overthink it, just talk to her and say that you're scared of whatever is scarring you, and she'll understand. Women are not magic unicorn or demons, they're human just like us, she'll totally get it if she has a beating heart in her.

Girls: how would you feel if a guy who rejected you a few weeks ago in person (after you asked him out) found you on Facebook and asked you out then? In person meeting isn't possible because we met randomly in town and didn't exchange contact info, since I declined to do so.

She said this
>'I've been researching salons lately because of an offhand comment you made to me

I hadn't spoken to her for months
We had a connection then

I'm afraid that we still do have that spark
Did she mean anything in that message other than connectivity?
Maybe she meant fashion

Is the 80/20 rule made up?

>>18088488
Let me ask you a question that will help you think critically about that and answer your own question: where do you hear about it and who do you hear about it from?

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Man here
How do I get over being shocked women have any interest in me? I've been complemented on my looks, intelligence, and body by a fair number of people, but I can't escape feeling like I have nothing to offer in a relationship.
Pls help

>>18088328
Not a grill, but the best advice I can offer you is the next time you're alone together, once you start making out, just gradually let yourself go and be overtaken by the intoxication of intimacy

>>18088510
Get a therapist.
It's an issue with yourself, not with girls.

There is a girl that I work with that answers to me. She has always been friendly with me. She isconstantly smiles at me and I make her laugh all the time, but not about anything inappropriate or suggestive. She obtained my phone number through a work related group text. She now texts me randomly throughout the day. Does it sound like she is interested in me?

>>18088542
>Does it sound like she is interested in me?
Doesn't matter, don't date a coworker, especially if she's your subordinate.

>>18088547
I know. That's what common sense tells me. She is gorgeous though. I'm really just curious if she is into me or if I'm imagining it.I know I really need to distance myself from her.

>>18088542
She wants to woo you into preferential treatment and/or fuck you up for inappropiate workplace behaviour.

Is the trilateral commission just a think tank, or part of the nwo?

Ladies.

How do you feel about guys without a mobile phone. Seems like everyone these days is always playing with their phones and texting back and forth.

Would you date a guy who had no phone and was out of communication 90% of the day?

How common is it for women to talk about their partner's or ex's dick to other people? It seems to happen a lot from what I can see, and as a guy with a small dick I can't handle it. If a girl sees my cock then I feel like everyone is going to find out eventually.

>>18088658
tough complex to get over, some would say near impossible. How small are we talking? If you're like 6.5 inches you're fine .
>>18088643
If brad pitt didn't have a phone do you think It would be a deal breaker?
>>18088565
lol, go find another girl.
>>18088510
That boy needs therapy
>>18088488
General rule of thumb, if a life coach told you, it's probably bullshit.

>>18088643
Depends on how difficult it'd be to get hold of you.

>>18088616
What's interesting is that she will do the least desirable of tasks without ever complaining. She will even volunteer to do them.

>>18088677
>6.5 inches
>small

Ladies,

How do you feel about a friends with benefits kind of relationship? Pros/cons?

>>18088694
I have an almost 6 inch girth and it looks thin

>>18088772
A 6 inch girth translates to 1.91 in diameter. It literally puts you in the 99th percentile.

Either you're shit at measuring or you're retarded, pick your poison.

>>18088488
The Pareto principle is entirely valid, the only issue is how it may be applied.

>>18088542
Shoot that shit down. In person, in private.

>>18088789
Do you have a single fact to back that up?

>>18088795
Not my fault you don't understand what the 80/20 rule is about. It originally stemmed from the fact that 80% of the land was owned by 20% of the population .It turns out that rule of thumb is useful elsewhere, such as 80% of your sales come from 20% of your salesmen.

That does not mean it cannot be erroneously applied.

>>18088785
I'll pick retarded

I got drunk and told my female friend I want to cum inside her, it's been a few days now I don't really know how to go about it.

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If your dick can fit with some friction into a toilet paper roll is it a pencil dick?

>>18088452
Can anyone advise on this? Is it creepy to track a girl down on FB if she asked you before? Or could she respond well to it?

All girls are asleep. It's just dudes giving each other advice. All the better.

>>18088828
>his dick fits into a toilet paper roll
LOL

I've been chatting to this girl online for the last two weeks and it seems to be going great talking all night and planning to meet up soon irl. But I'm always the one to message first of an evening.

Is that just how it is? I'm new to this online dating thing (and dating in general desu) and don't want to seem clingy. I'm a guy btw.

>>18088228
Girls preferably, but boys please voice your opinion too.

I have a belief that love and a good relationship is built upon trust and cooperation, where communication is vital between the people involved in one, that's why the so-called "friendzone" is actually a myth.

I do believe friendzone occured because most people fear if they tried to advance but fail, it will ruin the "friendship", truth is, if it's ruined with just that, it's not a genuine friendship.
A genuine one, won't break even after a failed attempt to advance to romance, instead it'd be more tight with the newfound respect of your honesty, and perhaps give it time, the romance might bloom from the courage to advance things.

Was my above beliefs true? Or I'm actually still suffered from a being "nice guy"?

>>18088872
>that's why the so-called "friendzone" is actually a myth.
One of the problems is everyone seems to have their own definition of it. I always just treated it as person A wants to date person B, person B just wants to be friends, wasn't really a negative thing. Then everyone got all angsty because of their own definitions conflicting with each other and I decided it wasn't worth the trouble to use the term.

>A genuine one, won't break even after a failed attempt to advance to romance, instead it'd be more tight with the newfound respect of your honesty, and perhaps give it time, the romance might bloom from the courage to advance things.
Sometimes, usually not. Simply because she will understand you want something very different than what you have. Hanging around on the off chance that she may change her mind is also pretty dumb.

Thanks guys for the /adv/!

>>18088886
>it wasn't worth the trouble to use the term.
Exactly what I feel.

>Sometimes, usually not. Simply because she will understand you want something very different than what you have. Hanging around on the off chance that she may change her mind is also pretty dumb.
Why it's usually not?
Shouldn' t after they reach an understanding that things couldn't advance, even if they stopped hanging out altogether, they could at least have mutual respect for each other for the honesty?
I do understand that hanging around expecting a change in mind after all of that is fruitless.

I have a small penis. I can work well with my hands and mouth.

Should I give up completely? Is a large penis THAT much more pleasurable? After 20+ years of serviceable cunnilingus and fucking a small dick, will my wife cheat on me for her big-dicked tennis instructor?

>>18088925
Compensate with your techniques and stamina, keep honing them. Large penis while more pleasurable does not equal more satisfaction, remember that. The war are won not because you have one BIG GUNS, but million small guns to penetrate every inch of your target.

I have kind of a big dick with sizeable balls. It's also a shower so it makes a rather sizeable bulge. I've spotted a lot of stares and glances from women where-ever I go. I feel like a piece of meat and/or that I'm constantly being judged since they probably think I walk around with a semi.

Is this how girls feel when they get their boobs stared at and how do I comfortably minimize being stared at? Tucking it in is not an option. I'm not gonna make my little friend suffer.

>>18088929

Everything a guy with a small dick does, a guy with a big dick can do better.

>>18088903
>Why it's usually not?
Because it makes things awkward. At least I'm working under the assumption that it has progressed past a minor crush. It's hard to maintain a good friendship under those conditions.

>>18088925 here.

>>18088942
This is the problem I see. I'll never be GREAT, someone can always be better. Will my partner eventually get tired of 8/10 sex with a 4.5 inch dick? Or will she eventually cave and opt for 6/10 sex with a big dick?

So there's this friend of mine. Whenever I'm with him, and there are women around, without fail they are always into him, no exceptions. I'm not exaggerating, every girl he's talked to that I've been present with has been immediately interested in him. Around three months ago, I was interested in this girl who I got to know pretty well. As soon as she met my friend she didn't talk to me anymore, she only talked to him. Yesterday, I was playing tennis with a female friend of mine, and when my friend came to meet me, she was completely enamoured in his personality. I'm not brilliant with girls but he makes me feel completely incompetent...
It's driving me insane. What do I do?

>>18088959
Ask him how he does it

To both.

>meet girl at my school about a year ago
>very interested in her, start talking by text
>she's friendly, says she'd like to meet up when I ask
>she's always "busy", and warns right before, or after the date, that she can't come
>I smell the fake excuses, but decide to assume there's good in her, and she might indeed be busy.
>she ends up deleting me after I sent a message asking her about a picture I saw she's interested in

Fastforward to now
>post my illustration work on the internet every so often
>she follows me
>today our classes had a common get together and she got interested in my field
>she sends a message asking me to tell her about my cursus later today
>I accept, propose where to meet (place I used to want to meet her : the dorm's garden), and jokingly mention it's been a while since I asked her to meet
>she replies we might arrange that to happen soon, but today is about asking me questions
>tell her I wouldn't want to arrange anything, I don't care about that anymore
>"as you wish" she says, later adding that she's got a project underway with friends and she could help me join if I want to

So this is what happened. What would you have done in my place?

I should point out that I have no interest in her, and I have a girlfriend who is miles better than the person she proved to be to me.
A friend says I shouldn't help her, since she never took the time to even see me when I wanted. I don't like to think like that.

I just wonder what you guys think, and what you would have done.

>>18088969
Don't botger my good man

>>18088960
I've tried before. I'll have a serious conversation with him about it.
Another thing is, should I let girls I'm interested in meet him? Because everytime they just stick with him despite the fact that he doesn't intentionally really interact with them. I was thinking that next time I have a girl I'm interested in around, pulling him to the side and saying something like "not this one, stay away if you want me to succeed." I know it seems like a mean or callous or manipulative thing to say, but that seems to be the only way for me. He's a really good friend of mine, so even if he didn't heed my warning, he'd understand why I'm saying what I'm saying and won't hold any ill will or grudges.

Ladies, tell me some benefits of having female friends other than it may lead to dating new women.

>>18088984
They're nice and you enjoy their company?

It's basically the same as with boys.

>>18088984

If you need an answer to that then you don't see women as people. I know this question is for women, but your dickishness is too big to pass up on.

If you can't see anything else to do with a woman except dating/fucking her or using her to get dates/fucks, then think long and hard about yourself.

>>18088976
Could you please elaborate?>>18088980

>>18089002
Didnt mean to reply to >>18088980

>>18088987
I see.
>>18088989
To be fair, I don't really interact with women who are actively building a better life for themselves.

>>18088829
I am not a girl, but that is freaking creepy.
Did she not give you her name? Do you guys not have any friends in common? If no to both, don't add her, unless you are a 9/10 or plus you are going to look like a stalker.

>>18088954
If you put it in numbers, why the hell would a good partner would refuse a 8/10 for a 6/10?

If she did, either she's a promiscuous type or easily bored looking for a variety. If that's how she turned out to be, I don't see why you should be bothered with her anymore. She's a lost cause unless you love some variety or have a certain fetish.

Get over your insecurity, realize nobody's perfect. Even a big dicked guy have one or two things which will make him feel inferior comapred to you.

>>18088980
Is he like super handsome or what? Maybe he's charismatic? I got a buddy like that too, he's actually quite lame and annoying in several ways when you get to know him, but nigga's charismatic and rather good looking so girls assume he's cooler than he is and only later (if ever) realize he's got a whole lot of bad sides. Actually I was the same because I thought he seems like a super good friend, but nowadays I realized he's not really a close buddy material, lies a lot etc.

Hanging out with a more handsome/charismatic guy when you're trying to get girls is not a very efficient tactic, so you may consider not taking him along the next time you've got a plan like that

>>18088326
anonymous, Anonymous and another one I think she was called Anon or something like that

Why do I struggle so much to form normal, platonic friendships with women without it driving me crazy

My gf is giving me the silent treatment and reading my texts but not responding.

This started last night though I haven't sent a message since.

How do I deal with this? This is fucking painful, I want to cave in and send another message, but I'm not sure what the best course of action is.

>the whore and her holes are soon parted
True / False ?

>>18089195
Because you don't manage to bond with women romantically.
In my experience those who don't manage to have romantic/sexaul relationships with girls rarely manage friendship well.

>be me.
>be in a relationship for the last five months.
>have OCD, take meds to calm anxiety.
>haven't told her, since I'm ashamed to admit it.
>pills have side effects, I become paranoid, confused, forget stuff all the time.
>GF suffers from this, breaks up with me, comes back and then breaks up again after a longer time.
>she thinks I'm immature, too needy or shit like that.
>she cries everyday, misses me, doesn't want to say that she doesn't love me anymore, but she's sure we'll never get back together, she feels better by herself.
>manage to find the courage to tell her that we actually broke up over some meds side effects, I'm seeing a therapist and I won't take pills anymore.
>she's shocked to hear the news, cries a few times, ask me for a hug but then stops because it hurts too much.
>says I can still text her sometime and hang out with our friends.
>she doesn't want to get back together, but she still cares about me.

WTF, /adv/. Do I forget her and move on or is there any kind of hope she'll come back when I get better? I still love her. Like, a lot.

>>18089215
So what do I do, am I doooooomed?

>>18089201
Call her out.
"Is everything okay?"
>Seen
"Silent treatment is childish and unfair, and won't lead us nowhere - if we don't talk about your issues, we cannot solve them. When you're ready to talk, I'm here to listen to you. I'd like to talk about this silent treatment thing too"

>>18089229
No. Don't try to become friends with girls.

A guy I was trying to make friends with basically said he wouldn't be conversational online, since he doesn't like social media. Chances for interaction irl are slim to nonexistent.

Is it likely he just doesn't want to be friends, though we've had positive interactions before?

>>18089231
I guess that makes sense.

Kinda sucks though, some of my most caring, loving friends are women. It would be a shame to have to give that up just because my sex drive is messing with me

Do girls really prefer darker hair?

>>18089248
Depends on personal taste. I honestly do, I think darker hair is more manly. I especially like dark hair, light skin and light eyes combo.

if you felt like shit, would you want your ex-bf to help or would you rather him get out of your life?
my ex has been ghosting me for over a month but every time I do hear from her she brings up suicide and talks about being a bad person. not sure if I should try to help or just let her fuck up on her own

How can I tell if I love her, or the "Idea of her"

I don't know too much about her other than her College major, Volunteer work, music taste, general kindness, and that she used to smoke (But quit. I do accept that and even "love" her more for the fact that she did quit)

>>18089260
Love comes with time.
After months, if not years of being together, after accepting each and every flaw the other person has, after forgiving each other.
If you don't know her, you definitely don't love her.

>>18089263
I guess. We are sorta friends but not that close really. But so far I sill accept the flaws that she makes known.

Also isn't loving the "idea of her" more of loving the idealized version of her, while ignoring the flaws?

How can I cope with the fact that I'm short, that I struggle with getting closer to the opposite sex, and that I have a small penis(5 inches)?

The inclination to stop caring about finding a serious commitment is very strong, but sometimes it feels like I'm missing something.

I know that in committed relationships most of these things might not matter much, but seeing how appearance strikes first very often, and how nowadays an active sexual life between partners is quite the norm I do not know how to get over with these issues.

>>18088228
for anyone to answer, what do you and your significant other have in common? In what ways are you compatible?

Talking to this guy and realized only things we have in common is music taste which is obviously useless since finding a white guy that likes indie rock and rap music isn't hard at all

>>18088452
wouldn't even accept his request honestly.

>>18089280
Well, when it comes to interests. We both like politics a whole lot. We're always arguing and debating about electoral laws technicalities and China foreign policies.
We both like art, history, design, philosophy. We love travelling and do it a lot. We also enjoy hiking. We really like watching football on tv, we listen to podcasts together and we enjoy the same kind of music. And food, we love food.
We don't have much in common and we have a lot of hobbies/interests that don't involve each other, but I gladly listen to him talk about tennis and he listens to me talk about sciencey stuff and literature.

We have the same sense of humour. On a personality level, we're both overachievers, perfectionists, driven people. We are very different emotionally, but we compensate each other.

I think that what matters most is the willingness to listen to each other and be involved in each other's life and their interests. It doesn't matter much if you have a thousand things in common, it matters if you're willing to learn about what makes the other person happy.

Girls

Let's say that bathrooms, locker rooms and showers were all gender neutral and everyone magically behaved themselves. Would you still feel uncomfortable?

>>18089318
Yes. I don't enjoy being naked in front of people I don't know and who might feel sexually attracted to me.
In general I'd be fine with it if there were private changing rooms/stalls, but otherwise I'd feel really uncomfortable.

>>18088703
In theory, the pros are that it's less high maintenance than a full on relationship, more casual, you maintain your freedom to be with others.

Downside is mostly that it's a very precarious balance. Personally I would be open to FWB in theory but it's not something that I think about let alone seek out, because I find it so hard to imagine liking someone enough to want to sleep with them but not enough to want to date them. Besides FWBs very often get messy. Either side develops feelings, breaks rules of the arrangement, wants to see the other one more than vice versa etc. I think it really only works out in rare cases where it works naturally for the two of you. It is much easier to find a relationship than a good FWB deal.

>>18089318
I get men looking at my tits regardless of how polite they are, how professional the situation is and/or how covered up I am. I can't imagine feeling comfortable showering with men because I can't imagine a situation where I would not be checked out/rated/judged on some level and no one needs that shit when you're just trying to go about your life. It's still different having people do those things with your face or clothed form vs literally being completely exposed.

If men gave no fucks, would not talk shit about me to other men the second I left, would not ogle me and so on then I'd have no problem but that's pretty much a fantasy scenario.

>>18089271
Dude, 5" isn't small. It's in the average realm. Yeah some girls are obsessed with big dicks just like some guys are obsessed with certain physical features, but most people do not care disproportionally and just judge the bigger picture.
Not to mention the pissing contest about who has the biggest dick doesn't exactly do justice to what women care about. I'd rather have a thick 5" dick than a thinner longer one. I'd rather have a 5" dick that gets and stays hard easily, than a bigger one that turns flaccid as soon as he's not being touched directly. Same for being able to go multiple rounds.

You really have to change your mindset here, you have a perfectly normal dick. Not to mention virtually every guy lies about his size so girls are not the best judges either.

>>18088328
go out with her during the night
get a bit drunk, confidence will skyrocket
fuck her

>>18089358
Girlrs, how do you feel about green eyed men?

>>18089369
Didn't mean to reply

>>18089369
The sexiest.

>>18088515
>>18088677
Do I really need therapy? I don't feel terribly dysfunctional

>>18089378
As if just terribly dysfunctional people went to therapy.

>>18089378
Other poster, therapy could help and like the anon replying just now said, it doesn't have to be serious long term coaching, they can just provide some professional input/support.

But I don't think you necessarily need therapy unless you downplayed how big an issue this is. I used to feel this way once coming into my own after an awkward puberty period. You grow used to it, but only once you start actually engaging people and get feedback not just on how attractive they think you are at first sight but more in depth - like experiencing being a good partner and your girlfriend appreciating you.

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>>18089344

>>18089398
That's nice, only in practice it's girls reassuring guys that the huge dicks they look at in porn all day are not the end all of female pleasure. Not the other way around.

And yes most women do prefer bigger dicks - if it's a factor taken away from all and any context, which it never is. What do you prefer, a marzipan little innie pussy or an outie? Probably the first. Is it a matter of concern that comes to mind when thinking of your dream woman? For most men, it won't be.

Have you ever regretted having sex with someone? And why? Anyone can answer.

>>18088510
you need to like your self befor you can excepet others likes for you if u cant like your self kys

>>18089256
Nahfamalam, see what you can do, at least out of respect of your history with her

>>18089271
Dude I don't entirely know your feels because I've got a pretty huge dick actually, but what I can say is that the receptiveness of any partner I've ever had towards sex and the enjoyment they seems to experience is NOT entirely determined by my cock size.

For example I had sex this morning and she had three orgasms from penetration alone. That hasn't happened with this particular girl before, it was a combination of extended foreplay and teasing and some seriously lucky/skilful selection of progressing sexual positions on my behalf.

Like usually, I'm doing well with this particular girl if she will orgasm through penetration alone at all. My dick size didn't change, her vagina didn't change, just her perception of the sex.

This has been true with any of the girls I've had sex with. In some situations I've struggled to get them to orgasm, in others it has been incredibly easy. I believe that a major part of it is psychological and dependent on their mood and arousal though this isn't revelatory in the slightest.

What a big dick does help out with is basically being worshipped for having a big dick after giving a girl three orgasms through penetration alone. Which is great, I'll take that, but pfft, it was skill that did it.

Can I get both Girl's and Guy's prospective:

So there's this girl I know who's been in nothing but terrible/abusive relationships. She just got out of a long one recently and is trying to get better and work on herself. She trust and feels close to me however she's also attracted to me. She's says she wants to keep it purely physical but at the same time admitted that making the relationship sexual wouldn't be a good thing but didn't care and just wanted to indulge. She's never trusted or had a personal relationship with someone that isn't sexual. I want to help here by letting her have someone close and the relationship isn't sexual.

Am I doing the right thing by not having sex with her?

>>18089480
Yes, absolutely.

>>18089480
>She's never trusted or had a personal relationship with someone that isn't sexual.

I worded that wrong. She's had none sexual personal relationships but hasn't gotten close and trusted someone with sex not being involved

>>18089480
>So there's this girl I know who's been in nothing but terrible/abusive relationships.

Anyone who describes every single one of their past relationships as terrible or abusive is probably the source of their previous relationships' problems, not the other person.

>>18089510
She's only been in two or three serious relationships, on in high school and another in college. But I see where you're coming from. The thought's crossed my mind more than once

>>18089031
She gave me her name and asked for mine and said we should hang out some time. I demurred. Yeah I thought it'd be creepy to try to look her up, my sister was like "You should totally ask her thru FB!" but she always spouts naive encouraging shit.

>>18089480
You're her teddy bear, her inanimate comfort object. She's using you until she can find chad.

Ask yourself, would she even MENTION the word non-sexual with bradd pit?

>>18089545
I don't think you read that right. The whole point is she wants to have sex with me but I feel like it's a bad idea because of the situation

>>18088703
I'm a guy and I'm not answering your question exactly, but I'm going to give you advice about a having a fuck buddy. It can work, people do it and it works and is fine, fun, and great in general. However, a lot of the time one of the two involved will develop feelings for the other, and it usually only goes one way. You have to be very clear that fwb is just that and nothing more, and even then it can go poorly and the person will end up with feelings for you or you them. I've had both, a fwb that worked fine and a fwb that developed feelings for me. So it's sort of a gamble.

if this bitch dont msg me in the next 30 minutes i'll

i'll


i'll go to mcdonalds and eat a fuckton of calories because my love life is bottom 1% and the most entertainment i get is in trying to mack on someone i've wanted to fuck for 7 years and obviously doesnt want it

So I met this girl on Tinder, very nice, keeps complimenting me, we have a ton in common, we are both very geeky, love games books and series on tv. But for some reason I'm having second thoughts, plus we also live quite far away from each other, it takes hours to get where she lives. And she doesn't have much experiance with dating. Neither do I. She wants to meet up sometime, would it be ok ask her what she's looking for in a relationship?

>>18089635
You are *really* overthinking it.
Go there, have fun, enjoy yourself with her. If it goes well, do it again. And again.
When you feel comfortable around each other, ask her.

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How should I approach a waitress/bartender? This girl is really beautiful so I have to think she's hit on all day, every day by drunk, cocksure customers.

Girls:
Do you cuddle your crushes or only your platonic male friends or both?

Keep in mind that you don't know if your crush likes you back.

Girls:
Do you like it when a guy is eager to eat your pussy or is it weird? Like if you hooked up with a guy one night, and then he wanted to eat your pussy in the morning but didnt ask for anythign in return. Would you be ok with it even if you didnt find him that attractive? would you let him fuck you as well? etc eetc

>>18089265
>Also isn't loving the "idea of her" more of loving the idealized version of her, while ignoring the flaws?

That'd be corect.

It's good you still could accept her known flaws, but think about it like this, she might have other habits that's not a flaw, but it'd be something that you find annoying. Sometimes there's also a dark secret.

If you really wanted to know if you love her or not, apart of time, it's best to behave open to her and always open in communicating, so you'd know directly and can deduce lots of thing about her. Only then you'll know if you can accept her being in your life for long time or not.

>>18089691
I cuddle just my boyfriend.
I used to hug or lay in bed with my head on my best friend's shoulder, but we argued 3 years ago. I am not physically intimate with people I'm not emotionally intimate.

>>18089702
True. The only way to know for sure is when you are properly together with them. Though as it stands, it seems more like actual love? (Obviously can't be certain as I don't know what other flaws and secrets there are)

>>18089717
Dude, stop.
You don't love her. You don't know her. You aren't dating her.
You have a crush on her.

It bothers me so much when people use the word love for people they don't even fucking know.

>>18089480
Yes you did right, also I think you better spend your effort helping someone else. From your story, she's giving lots of red flags.

Only been in nothing but abusive relationship? Only want to indulge in sexual pleasure knowing it's a bad idea? Sounds like she's THE source of her own problem and don't wanna help herself out of trouble with that attitude.

I once had a pleasure to know a girl who were like that, and it doesn't end well. She's better be left alone because every time she keep falling into the same pattern despite me being there for her and telling her against it.

>>18089721
Eh, I do know her probably a bit more than typical friends. But yea, I don't know enough actually call it that. But atleast I'm not completely ignoring the flaws or only into her physically.

And can a crush really persist for over a year?

>>18089728
>I do know her probably a bit more than typical friends
>I don't know too much about her other than her College major, Volunteer work, music taste, general kindness, and that she used to smoke

Then you have pretty shit friends.

And, yes - I had crushes persist for years.
Love is always reciprocal - love is a bond based on intimacy and emotional closeness, it cannot be one sided.

>>18089717
>Though as it stands, it seems more like actual love? (Obviously can't be certain as I don't know what other flaws and secrets there are)

If you not certain, than you don't know her as a whole, you can not call that love. That's still just a crush and you're being in love with "her in your head"

>>18089728
>And can a crush really persist for over a year?
Yes, it could persists for years.

Sounds like you really step up your game, date her, try to find lots a piece of hers to make her whole. Only after you've discovered her as a whole being in reciprocal manner, you can call it love or not.

>>18089731
Eh. Maybe didn't phrase that bit good enough. But I am genuine friends with her, and she doesn't hesitate to tell me anything. Just most shit hasn't come up yet

And true. You are right there. Atleast it seems like something could develop. But it just may need me to come clean to leave no doubt about how I feel. I was gonna do it over the weekend but I didn't.

>>18089743
Don't confess. Confessions are for anime and 13 years old. Unless you're 2D or you're REALLY underage, don't.

Be flirty. See how she reacts. If she reacts well, ask her on a date. Don't make it a huge deal.

If I can't always call a girl "princess", is it still bad to call her princess every now and then?

A female friend of mine admitted she had a crush on me in the past, but later retracted it saying it was a "non-romantic crush". The fuck does that mean.

>>18089743
Coming clean with your feelings in neutral fashion are fine. Go on, say you want to date her to know each other better without making a fuss.

Just don't "confess" to her okay? Most of times the "confession" would become something overly dramatized that'd turn everyone off.

>>18089699
somebody answer these dubs

>>18089344
>>18089479
Well, now that the whole discourse on the penis is done, I still can't get myself to actually talk to women beyond casual and formal situations. I very rarely have crushes, and usually hold myself back because the few times I have tried it was ridiculous, also the whole PUA approach isn't really for me. I want a serious committed relationship, not "crush poon" or some trophy gf. Someone to share life and its struggles with.
How do I get experience without being an asshat or looking like a retard?

Is it true that women find all sexual attention from men inherently threatening to some extent, or is that just feminist claptrap?

Girls, are you aware of how fascinating and distracting boobs are?
I could see 1 million pics of boobs and I'd never get tired.

>>18089201
You left out the important part of what exactly you want her to respond to, like if you were trying to set up a date.

If it was just banter, go do something else and don't give a fuck. You want her to be the one pursuing and if she doesn't want to try at the immediate moment,forget her. She's not your life she's a small piece of it amongst all the other things you enjoyed in greater quantities.

>>18089776
I was just gonna say something like how I felt and that I completely understand if she doesn't feel the same, while also mentioning how I would wish to remain friends.

>>18089748
Remember, she is extremely shy, and acts like she is interested but that there's something holding her back. also there is the fact that she's 21 and hasn't had a relationship.

>>18089734
>That's still just a crush and you're being in love with "her in your head"

True, atleast it is not the idealized version, but more so just the version I know. Which may or may not be her true self.

>Sounds like you really step up your game,
She's very shy in general, and avoids meeting up, even though she says she wants to. Could be just being nice, or in my slightly more likely in case, possible just having some issues preventing her from doing so.

I was planing on just coming clean and seeing what happens. So atleast I get closure. Was gonna do it last weekend, but didn't due to reasons.

>>18089711
God damnit the FAQ

>Brandon, that guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships

>>18089887
Not who you're replying to, but just curious, is this the EMT story?

>>18089969
Yea, it is

Girls, is it red flag if a girl I am flirting with, responds ok to me but doesn´t seem to have any particular interest in me?

Like, for example, I asked her phone number and she gave to me with no hestiation, but she never mine, heck, she didn´t even ask my name (we are just starting to take classes together, so today it was our first conversation), but she seemed to be having a good time talking with me, what should I think about this?

My ex-GF checked one of our friend's phone to read what I text him about her. She even replied pretending she was this friend of ours. Why would she do that? She was the one that wanted the relationship to end.

>>18089966
Damn it.

>>18089887
God damn it. Ask her out. I want to slap you.

Why have I been hit on by so many women in their 30s and 40s? Even as youn as 15 I got most of my attention from older women

>>18090002
Eh, part of the thing is that she is reluctant to go out for some reason.

Maybe she's just being nice, or she might have her own concerns about us?

I don't know. But I did ask her out. But she always acts interested (And it seems genuine) but never commits to us getting together.

So, this is kinda why I was gonna come clean on the chance that it may help

>>18089980

I definitely wouldn't give my number to a guy whose name I don't even know unless I was interested. Talk to her more and find out.

>>18089972
I really don't know what to tell you, man. At this point you've gotten the answers you need how many times over the last several months now? It's like you know what you ought to do but you keep coming back and asking the same questions over and over. It's been what, a year, and you never asked her out. She doesn't sound interested, never makes time for you, and frankly you're wasting your time. It's a lost cause man, you should find a new woman already and make sure she isn't in your rearview mirror the whole way unless she's just a friend, but purely a friend.

Riddle me this: even if she was interested in you in that way (and that's a big "if") she can never find the time to see you, so how do you suppose you can have a relationship with someone you never really see?

She's flirty and sweet in person but seems very uninterested in texting back etc. what's the deal.

>>18090014
Anon, you're being fucking mental.
Do something. Tell her something. Ask her out on a date.
At this point, holy fuck, even a flash mob proposal would be better than this.

You asked us a thousand times. You keep not doing shit and expecting things to change.
Unless you make a move, NOTHING will happen. Stop.

Worse than that autistic finnish dude from last year, holy shit.

>please respond
>>18089755
>>18089823

>>18090028
I guess. I was actually about to come clean with her last weekend, to just be done with it. But I was unable to do it then.

I guess that you do have a point on how it could work assuming she is interested. I guess it would be kinda hard, seeing as shes so busy.


>>18090035
Like I said, I was gonna come clean with her to be done with it. But she didn't seem to be in the right frame of mind then given her response to a Suicide call. So I'll give it a few weeks or so until she seems back to her self and then just come clean and be done with it

>>18090045
A FEW WEEKS? Holy fuck, you're hopeless.

Question for boys and girls
http://www.strawpoll.me/12438710

>>18090047
How so? I just want to wait a little as she works past the whole call and all.

I sure as fuck wasn't gonna do it the same day she told me of that call, or really the same week.

>>18090051
>I sure as fuck wasn't gonna do it the same day she told me of that call, or really the same week.
That's fair, but you've had an entire year to do it up to this point. Too little, too late. Absurdly late in fact. It doesn't matter. It's really best you just let all this go.

And you keep gaging her interest by what she says rather than her actual actions which is really more important. You've said that she acts like she's interested but there's always something holding her back. You've said she told you she wants to hang out but never really does. I think you even told me one time that you went to lunch with her once months ago and she even brought some guy along. Do you recognize a pattern here?

>>18090108
Yea, I see. I guess I'm just holding onto hope because of a friend who's in damn near the same situation with another shy girl. And for him, it ended up working out in the end.

Like I said, I'll just come clean with her in a couple weeks and be done with it. Alot of her oddities in person only seem to happen towards me. So, IDK if something else is at play here. (A few of my friends seem to think so.)

>>18088228
Whoever wrote this FAQ...bravo!

>>18088328
Tell her it's your first time and ypu are scared. She is human and was a virgin once, too. She'll understand.

>>18088452
If you want to go out with her, then ask. There is nothing wrong with doing it online, although in person or a phone call might be better. Why not message her, apologize for rejecting her and ask if you can meet to explain something? At the meeting, tell her you realize you made a mistake and want another chance at a date.

>>18090118
>Yea, I see. I guess I'm just holding onto hope because of a friend who's in damn near the same situation with another shy girl. And for him, it ended up working out in the end.
That's awesome that it worked out for your friend but the fact of the matter is that's the exception, not the rule. It's not something you should reasonably expect to happen to you too. I think you've held onto hope that this thing will work for plenty long enough now. You're doing yourself a disservice.

>Like I said, I'll just come clean with her in a couple weeks and be done with it.
Please do that. Also get over her for real. Relationships with other girls or even a friendship with this one will not work if you still have a crush on her, and you'll be stuck in the same boat even if you aren't pursuing a relationship with this one anymore.

>Alot of her oddities in person only seem to happen towards me. So, IDK if something else is at play here. (A few of my friends seem to think so.)
You're almost certainly mistaking friendliness and comfort for romantic interest, there's nothing else at play here and your friends are completely wrong. In fact your friends should have told you what I'm telling you now a long time ago.

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>>18090048
>thread is full of virgin dudes larping as relationship advisors

>>18088488
It's an economic principle that describes cause and effect. It says "80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes." When people apply it to dating, they forget this. Yes, the top 20% of any group will likely have more opportunities. That is because about 20% of the population is good-looking, and good-looking people are in high demand in the dating market. If you are not good-looking, don't sweat it. There is still someone out there for you. You may have to work a little harder, but it's worth it.

>>18088510
Remind yourself that what you see in you doesn't matter. It's what others see in you that matters in romance. If others see it, then it's there.

>>18090195
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqITqRWhpxg

>>18088542
Ask her.

>>18090186
>That's awesome that it worked out for your friend but the fact of the matter is that's the exception, not the rule. It's not something you should reasonably expect to happen to you too. I think you've held onto hope that this thing will work for plenty long enough now. You're doing yourself a disservice.
Yea, I know. I am not expecting it to work out. Oddly enough I'm the one who helped him in his situation

>Please do that. Also get over her for real. Relationships with other girls or even a friendship with this one will not work if you still have a crush on her, and you'll be stuck in the same boat even if you aren't pursuing a relationship with this one anymore.
I know, I do think that I'll be able to get over her when I get a definite No. I think the possibility of it happening is what's really keeping me from getting over her

>You're almost certainly mistaking friendliness and comfort for romantic interest, there's nothing else at play here and your friends are completely wrong. In fact your friends should have told you what I'm telling you now a long time ago.
Maybe, but some of this stuff started before we started talking, which seems a bit odd. Though I find it kinda odd how they can all be "wrong" but you are probably right

Guys

Would you date a recovered drug addict?

>>18090208
Maybe, depends more on the person really. Everyone has baggage after a certain age.

>>18090205
>Though I find it kinda odd how they can all be "wrong" but you are probably right
Well, since all signs point to them being wrong it's really not that odd.

>>18090216
I mean though, all of them being wrong? Wouldn't at least one or two have clued in on what you are getting at?

>>18090208
What drug, and how long have you been clean?

>>18088872
Your beliefs do not influence other people's behavior. I have been told by someone that I was interested in dating that she didn't want to "ruin our friendship," so here is my take: the "frindzone" means that someone wants a relationship with you that does not include physical intimacy. A girl has every right to set that boundary, but there is nothing wrong with wanting a physical relationship with a girl, as long as you respect her boundaries. As a guy, it sucks, in a way that most girls will never understand. Hence the hostility, declaration that a girl "doesn't owe you anything" (you likely already know that), and debate over whether the friendzone even exists. Tldr; if she says "I don't want to ruin the friendship," she doesn't want to date you. Find someone else.

>>18090215
If she is 29?
>>18090224
Marijuana, cocaine, MDMA and was about to shoot up heroin. 10 years clean?

>>18090208
Probably.

>>18090223
I would hope so at least, but apparently they haven't. I would also hope that if I was clearly wasting my time and energy with a girl who wasn't interested in dating me that my friends would tell me that too.

>>18090239
Ok, that's some hard stuff. I suppose I would do it though, 10 years clean is long enough to ease my concerns of relapse.

>>18090242
Yea. They haven't and I kinda wish they would have. But, who knows, it still may be possible that maybe they are seeing something. They do have a bit more knowledge of this situation than you do. So it could be possibly that key they are seeing just is not known here

>>18090239
The only thing that really worries me is the heroin, but since you were never addicted to it as you say. Yeah at 29 this is fine-ish, but don't bring up unless it's necessary or if you trust the person.

>>18090239
How do you know junkies lie to you? They'll start moving their mouth

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Are women really like pic related? (1/2)

I admit, I'm gullible, so set the record straight please

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>>18090318
2/2

>>18090249
>Yea. They haven't and I kinda wish they would have. But, who knows, it still may be possible that maybe they are seeing something.
But it doesn't really matter though, does it? Most likely there's nothing there, and even if there was it's probably not enough for it to materialize, and if there was it sounds like you never made a move anyway. An entire year, not one date.

>They do have a bit more knowledge of this situation than you do. So it could be possibly that key they are seeing just is not known here
Of course they do, and if it feels better to think about it that way then that's fine. But this forlorn holding out for the slim possibility is exactly what's gotten you on a long road to nowhere from what you've been saying and has been keeping your possibilities stagnant. You might even be in a relationship with another woman by now if it weren't for this, or at least content and happily single.

>>18090354
>But it doesn't really matter though, does it? Most likely there's nothing there, and even if there was it's probably not enough for it to materialize, and if there was it sounds like you never made a move anyway. An entire year, not one date.
I know theres probably nothing. And if there was, the feelings on her part probably subsided to the point that nothing will probably happen.

>Of course they do, and if it feels better to think about it that way then that's fine. But this forlorn holding out for the slim possibility is exactly what's gotten you on a long road to nowhere from what you've been saying and has been keeping your possibilities stagnant. You might even be in a relationship with another woman by now if it weren't for this, or at least content and happily single.
I guess this is part of the reason that I am here now. Though I doubt I would be with another girl by now. None really peaked my interest, as I've kept it open specifically knowing that it probably wont work out. And the happily single bit is understandable

Girls, does the image of a average naked man turns you on only if it is someone you like, or is it something you find sexual anyway?

>>18090371
Only If I like them

>>18090371
Only if I like him

>>18090367
I guarantee you you will be so much happier when you free yourself from this madness. And next time you meet a girl take from what you've learned here and start to recognize patterns and try to avoid the same mistakes you've made this time. No more over thinking every trite detail, no more holding onto what isn't there. And have some sort of timeframe, make a definitive move relatively early and don't go waiting for months on end. If the girl is interested in you, she will make serious effort to make time for you even if she's busy. Good luck.

>>18090416
Thanks. Hopefully next time this doesn't happen. But probably will, seeing as I am almost 21 and never had a relationship.(Hate to mention the girl again, but she hasn't had one either at 21.)

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>>18088228
I feel like a freak most of the time because of my past experiences with women.
I was suicidal and deeply disturbed as a teenager and I think long term use of SSRIs exacerbated the issue. I would often make friends with girls and threaten to kill myself after I found out they were not attracted to me. I was a social pariah, but mostly I was invisible.
A few years later I lost my virginity at the age of 19 and I have engaged in many one night stands and generally unsafe sexual behavior.
I have the tendency to isolate, and when I do it feel myself growing to hate women again. I feel unattractive and unworthy of a good looking girl.
Right now I don't have many friends at all. When I think about the past, I have feelings of insanity. I have utterly humiliated myself.
How can I stop hating women after everything I know about them? I'll never be treated as an equal by them because I'm not in the top 5% of attractive males even if I'm not ugly. But I'll always be invisible.

>>18090318
well, this one seems to have some problems of psychological nature

>>18090322
and this one seems completely normal. Bad sex life can really get you down, you know.In fact it surprises me she didn't dump the dude

>>18090512
>and this one seems completely normal

Sounds like a cunt who just lays there and expects her bf to magically knows what the hell she wants and to be endowed like a pornstar, while doing or saying absolutely nothing about it with her bf, instead choosing to vent to strangers on the internet, which only builds clear resentment about the whole situation. She is pathologically self-centered, vain and immature.

>>18090512
Seriously, I can't even begin to say how much disgust (take that) I feel for women like her, who instead of actually being assertive about any aspect of her life, expect some magical agency to resolve all her fucking problems from outside, resentful and bitter about the fact that Prince Charming in a white horse didn't rescue her from her miserable life, because she thinks she deserves something even though she's just as mediocre as her bf.

>>18088328
Don't say you're 'nervous' that'll make you look like a fag to be frank

>>18090562
can't really decide whether you're an unskilled troll or serious.
Just in case - man, she wasn't complaining of the normal man. She claerly stated the sexlife was terrible, mostly because of the biology you cannot improve. It seems considerate to me, that she never discussed the matter, as this would cause severe embarrassement in her bf. One does not have to be thankful just because they have *anybody*. Thankfulness comes for the people able to make you happy.

And I'm a dude btw, in case you were wondering

>>18090597
I'm not saying she should be thankful, I'm saying she clearly resents and hates the reality of her life but does nothing and just daydreams about something better. Also, she should ask herself what kind of person she is if her bf is the kind of person she attracts in the first place and is together with. This is typical from narcissist people, she sounds like a female Elliot Rodger in terms of resentment.

>>18090597
Plus, it's clear from her post that she doesn't talk about it for 'consideration' for her bf's feelings, but because it's embarrassing for her, she clearly never connected with the dude at a deeper level anyway.

>>18090623
>she clearly resents and hates the reality of her life but does nothing and just daydreams about something better
we all do, matey, we all do.
She obviously doesn't want to hurt him, which is an ethical thing on her part.

You speak so much bullshit that I don't even care to argue beside this post.

text wall incoming

I'm male, 25, and have a work bully that makes me anxious going to work.

At 18 I joined the army (left last year) and I'm used to dealing with dickheads. This particular dickhead is female and I'm unable to confront them in the way I normally would (face to face confrontation), I've tried and the person first refused to acknowledge me and then informed me "there was no problem," a day later I received a "write up" for intimidation.

I'm working a night manager job at a truck stop while I go to school, bully is another night manager.

What has me anxious is when I'm at work, any task I set myself to is "the wrong thing," and I'm sharply and loudly humiliated in front of others for being stupid, idiotic, can't do my job (my fucking job is to wipe down the coffee pots ffs) etc. It keeps me on edge and is getting to me, about a year into the job. Rumors and negativity is spread about me when I'm not at work (confirmed by other employees on different shifts) by this person, and leaves me with nobody in my corner.

Add to that, any retaliation or resistance leads to the person in question running to our manager, which lands me in trouble with the boss. Manager acknowledges that bully "can be a handful," but ultimately it's out of sight, out of mind. I no longer want to go to work because of this.

The fuck do I do here? How do you fight with your hands tied? Whole situation has me feeling like a piece of shit for not being able to resolve it

Where do I meet girls that aren't politically correct hyperfeminist normie drones?

>>18090633
No, we don't 'all do', you are projecting your own feelings into everyone else, which makes me assume you're one of her kind. People who can't connect and see everyone merely as secondary character in the movie of their lives. There's a name for that.

>>18090635
Well I meant to make a new thread but ok

>>18090635
shit, man. It's so rare here for a person to actually come to this coard with a real problem.

Seems like she's interested in you losing your job and she's doing it just fine...

Since you claim to have tried everything I could suggest you, all I can do is to tell you I sympathise with you,

>had 4 great dates with girl
>says she gonna be busy (she does a lot)
>Sent two texts to her but didn't respond to them
>but always answers my phone calls/promptly calls back

I'm confused.

Male 24 years old

I spent a long time (7 years) being a cold hearted bastard, now that I met this girl, I felt really good and started being nice and sweet with her. But, apparently, I fucked up (she told me that I'm ''someone that ''needs to be loved'').

What did I do wrong?

Girls, if your bf had a small penis (both lenght and girth), but he could still make your orgasm through other means (foreplay, fingers, oral, etc), would you feel satisfied with him or would you still sercrelty wish he had a larger penis?

>>18090654
I didn't really expect any other answer but thank you anyways.

From what others have told me it is a combo of wanting me gone because I threaten her job security (she's illiterate) and an unstable home life making her lash out, which is bullshit to let that go on. Essentially "wrong place wrong time," there's nothing I could have done to see a different side of this person.

I've got interviews lined up which sucks, apparently I'm the 3rd manager in as many years that she's bullied away. Oh well. I guess if she was a negative asset the company would can her.

I'll make more at some other place, I just want to vent. I'm going to work in an hour and I'm trying to keep off a rage/panic attack.

>>18090667
Describe your "great dates."

4 dates in, you definitely should've kissed her by now. Did you describe them as "dates" or did you ask her if she wanted to hang out or some beta shit?

>>18090678
have you tried smiling? Staring into her eyes and smiling. Even better if you smile with joy and sympathy, and nor grin evilly. If the eye contact isn't possible you could still just act cheerfull.
I know it sounds strange and stupid, but oddly it may do wonders. I'm a psychology student and it's the stuff of legit research. It goes like this: you not only smile when you feel good, but you also feel good when you smile (to test this they ordered the subjects to keep pens in their mouths)

She may react badly to this, but at that point im may start giving you satisfaction, which may fuel your good mood. Since you say unemployment isn't a problem for you, I'd recommend giving it a try,

>>18090692
I'm pretty good at keeping it in check, staying positive and letting things roll off my back, I did it in the army, I'm just tired of it is all. It's making me think I'm tired of people all around, which I don't like.

>>18090680
We made out for like an hour on the last date.

>>18090704
that's fine then. Just remember that there are anons who feel for you and that you don't truly lose anything. Hope that's enough for today.

>>18090635
Is there a HR department you can make a complaint to?

I was dating my dentist for a few months. Broke up mainly because of one of her friends pulling the misery loves company deal and causing mistrust.

I have an appointment coming up, should I tell her ahead of time so she's not too surprised to see me in the waiting room? It's a multi doctor clinic so it's not just her.

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>>18090674

>>18090728
How did you manage to shag your dentist?

>>18090756
She joined the group in between my annual visits apparently. Met her out one day at a fun run event, chatted her up, got the number and found out later she was working at this place. Thought it was fate or whatever

>>18090726
There is, it's just a big taboo because then our general manager gets in trouble.

Calmer now, interview Thursday, feeling good m8

>>18090708
She's probably just busy or something.

>>18090754
Sooooo should I just give up?

>>18090844
Yes, you can try Grindr.

>>18089675
Don't be drunk and don't leave your number on the check, this should set you apart in a positive way. If she's waiting your table talk to her then, if she's the bartender maybe get 1 drink, but again really don't be drunk

Is possible that a girl puts too much effort to make it look like she your friend to hide the fact that she might like you

>>18090929
why would you do that?
why not just let him know how you feel?

Guys,
What makes you dislike a girl without ever speaking with her?

>>18090932
Ima dude asking the girls out there

>>18090948
For me nothing really, I would be attracted to a girl or not based on appearance, but I wouldn't judge her character on that.

If I saw her doing something cruel or stupid, it wouldn't be any different than if I saw a male doing it.

>>18090948
Dislike as a person? I guess if I see them, or if they're well known for, being a huge bitch to others.

>>18090948
Hearing speaking to other people while showing a personality I hate.

I'm seriously debating on whether or not I should go to her dorm room(its not far from mine) and ask her out right now. I've barely seen her in the last few weeks, and I have no idea when I might next see her, but I am pretty sure she at least was into me and the heartache is unbearable. Can't make the situation any worse can I? How stupid does this plan sound?

>>18091016
I would text her or something first, if it's late where you live she might be sleeping.

>>18091033
Is it really preferable to text someone something like this? I actually can't text her this second since my phone screen broke and I got a new phone. I could probably get her number again through a mutual friend.

>>18091051
>Is it really preferable to text someone something like this?
I don't think asking her out over text is what was meant by that post, but rather making sure it's cool to drop by and talk instead of just showing up randomly.

>>18091065
That makes sense. It's midterms week and I legit cannot concentrate on anything because she is in my mind 24/7. Maybe if I can't get in contact with her sometime tomorrow I'll go to her door.

>>18091016
I looked back through the thread and If you're this guy >>18090205 I wouldn't just show up at her dorm room.

Like that other guy said, the ship has probably sailed, as sad as that might make you, but it's a situation most of us have been in at one time or another. I think you owe it to yourself to be direct with her and make sure she knows how you feel, but don't make a big production out of it or try to win her over since she likely already knows you well and knows whether or not she would like to date you.

I was hung up on a girl and friend zoned for a long time and the way I ended up fixing it was by finding another girl, that I fell in love with and spent 4 yrs with. After that girl and I broke up, I was open with that friend zone girl about feelings I had in the past and she said she was asexual and always had been. All the time I spent worry about her wasn't going to get me anywhere anyway.

>>18091074
That's cool, but just calm down, relax. Don't over think it.

>>18091051
Yeah I meant, just make sure she's awake and comfortable having you over

>>18091078
Not that guy.
I met the girl randomly, we got together every weekend for a few weeks, got along AMAZINGLY well, I missed a few obvious opportunities for sex, and now its been a few weeks and we have only seen each other twice briefly. I can't tell if the ship has sailed, but I want to ask just to be clear. It can't hurt to ask right? Either she's into me and she would say yes, or shes not and nothing I could do could bring her back, right?

>>18090948
For me personally:
Smoking. Though I know that's certainly not universal for guys to be as turned-off by that as I am, it certainly can't hurt to quit if you do smoke.

Also, what >>18090977 said, and just drama in general really. I had a couple female coworkers who the whole first day I worked with them all I heard them about was drama with other people in their lives and how much they dislike certain other (perfectly nice) people working there. Any hint of interest in them I may have had was out the window at the point. I realize there's going to be some friction in anyone's social circle, but if that's all you can talk about I don't want any part of your life.

>>18091104
Yeah exactly, it can't hurt to ask! I think the best rule of thumb is if you like a girl she should know it as soon as you know it. Plus, if you don't talk to her the situation is only going to move further away from where you want it to.

If you were at the point that she seemed interested in you and not so much time has passed you'll be fine.

>>18091128
I can almost guarantee that she was interested. What I am not sure about is if she is interested now. I'm pretty sure I passed up a very obvious opportunity for sex(not completely my fault, I was hinting towards it, she would have to have been an idiot not to realize that, but she might have expected me to do everything) last time we had a real meeting.

>>18090801
Yeah I am sure she is but now I am terrified to even text or talk to her. I feel I might have been a bit too gung-ho about trying to ask her out to places. In 10 days we saw each other 4 times with her driving 30 mins to me 3 times. And I realized that every time I called her it was always to ask when she would be free to go out instead of just small talk. I feel like I kinda pushed her away with wanting to see her so much. And I can't go over to her place due to specific reasons.

>>18091159
Don't worry about it so much, it hasn't been 20 yrs! I imagine you both still look the same and haven't changed your personalities that much in the last couple weeks. Whatever she liked about you before probably hasn't changed at all.

If you see her and things go as well as the other times don't be afraid to tell her you want her.

>>18091182
Her driving to see you is one of the best signs you could ask for.

Also, if the specific reason you can't go over her place is because she lives with her boyfriend or something you've omitted a critical detail

>>18091205
Nah she doesn't live / have a bf. Has to do with her landlord situation they have going on. Last tuesday I asked when the next time she would be free and she said she was gonna be really busy. Sent her a text, she didn't respond, called her 3 days later and she answered just fine. Sent her another text, she did respond, called her and just picked up fine. So at this point I am just scared to even text her.

>>18091227
Ok cool, you're fine, she's probably just busy like she said. I think it's better she's answering the calls over the texts anyway, it's more personable than the other way around.

That girl I mentioned earlier that I was with for 4 years was like that from start to finish, even when we lived together she just wasn't good with texting back, it didn't mean anything. When we first started dating, I tried to text her something small once a day. Some days she never answered and then when I sent something the next day it might turn into a 3 hr phone conversation, I don't think it ever had anything to do with me.

Is there ever a tactful way to tell a friend that they need to change aspects of their personality if they want to get a date?

>>18091332
Absolutely and sometimes it's necessary.

>>18091344
How do you do it then? Especially if it's not something that's glaringly obvious or something that would be a dealbreaker for someone

Why are women so jealous of other women. Like men mire each other but women feel the need to have everyone accept their fat as equally beautiful when its not.

Why did I just fart ladies?

>>18091368
>Like men mire each other but women feel the need to have everyone accept their fat as equally beautiful when its not.
So what you actually mean is that men get jealous of each other while women try to build up each other's confidence?

>>18091374
Nah men dont have. Just mire. A form of respect. Women wish to cut each other down.

>>18091364
You're asking a pretty vague question first of all, and context matters in this. What exactly is the issue? Does your friend come to you about this stuff? Is he/she wondering why they can't get a date? Are they positively responsive to light criticism? Are you someone they look to for advice?

It really depends on what the deal is.

>>18088872
Be a nice guy, but dont be a weak guy

Thats the important thing

>be emotionally strong
>prioritize yourself
>be confident in YOU, dont constantly ask for things or apologize
>Be able to go against what she wants
>Recognize when shes putting up a challenge specifically to see you beat her at it


Basically a female needs to feel like you are a steady rock that can support her and also bash a skull in if it were necessary

>tfw just casually glanced over "nice guy"

Aw hell, I mean..I agree with that. Ive admitted to liking guys and they would turn me down, but we would still be friends. It's difficult for the person who wants the other but in general still a very nice friendship.

I've been cheating on my live-in girlfriend with a girl (Girl 2) from one of my college classes. I told Girl 2 that we can't fuck at my place because my sister recently moved in with me. Girl 2 and I have only fucked twice at this point. Girl 2 continues to want to see my place. How would Girl 2 respond if I told her the truth at this point?

>>18088954
Is your wife a whore or not a whore

the best you can do is try
Also dont fall for the meme that you need to always make up for your cock with oral and digital sex, those are nice but often your woman needs to feel owned by you

Throw her on the bed and hold her down while you fuck the shit out of her
Make her sock YOUR cock

Make her feel the way she feels when a strong alpha male is dominating

If she is completely devoid of this in your relationship her chances of cheating are far, far higher when that alpha cock does come strolling by

>>18089201
I would suggest simply living life as normally as possible without giving her attention, maybe even go out to the club with her knowledge.

>>18091419
She would probably stop seeing you, but it's something you need to do. You can't keep lying to your girlfriend or girl 2.

>>18089256
>ex

ignore

>>18089280
We just click rather well and have comfortable back and forths that feel more correct than most other conversations I have

Similar music, both like vidya, generally laugh at the same shit, similar political views though different, each of us are comfortable not being interesting...just all around in day-to-day life we mesh. It's comfy.

>>18089318
Im uncomfortable changing in front of anyone, which is why no matter what was going on Id change in the bathroom

Beyond that though locker rooms are a place specifically designed to house naked and near-naked bodies, and if you let them become gender neutral they will attract certain types of people - making being alone with a man much more dangerous than in a regular setting where 9/10 its a regular guy


Yes Id be uncomfortable, Id rather be surrounded by people Im not worried can rape me

>>18091392
I was vague because I didn't want to post a bunch of stuff in case no one replied.

Anyway, my friend is a girl and she's really passive and doesn't really step out of her comfort zone. I guess that'd be fine and perhaps even expected from a girl, if it weren't for the fact that she looks like someone who is assertive and doesn't take shit from anyone. It's getting to a point where she isn't meeting guys (doesn't help that she's studying something that's almost exclusively female), and when she does, they lose interest quickly because she doesn't show any interest.

She hasn't come to me about this specifically, but she has said she's at a point in her life where she does want a relationship, but just doesn't know how to get into one. I don't think she's realised that her being passive is possibly a problem, because again, it's kind of expected from girls. We're in our mid-20s so I think we're past the point where guys blindly accept that they're going to have to put in all the work too.

>>18089341
>would not talk shit about me to other men the second I left

No one does this unless you are deserving of being talked about

>would not ogle me
Oh boo hoo people find me attractive

Girls:

What does it mean if a girl keeps qualifying "no?" A while ago, I told my friend I was horny for her and she said she didn't know how to deal with it "right now." Tonight, I apologized for being too sexual with her and had a really good conversation with her, and she said she wasn't ready to do anything sexual, and I told her not to worry about it.

She doesn't have to have sex with me. I just dunno why she'd say "right now" or "yet" or "ready." You think she wants to have sex eventually, or she just feels like she needs to say something less emphatic than "no?" I don't wanna pressure her or anything.

ApologiZing in advance for post quality; hammered on mobile.

>>18091451
>I apologized
>I told her not to worry about it.
>I don't wanna pressure her or anything.


M I S T E R N I C E G U Y

Your cuck shed is over there.

>>18091451
Girls say passive and noncommittal shit like that 99% of the time because they're too cowardly to straight up reject you.

Girls:

What does it mean if a girl keeps qualifying "no?" A while ago, I told my friend I was horny for her and she said she didn't know how to deal with it "right now." Tonight, I apologized for being too sexual with her and had a really good conversation with her, and she said she wasn't ready to do anything sexual, and I told her not to worry about it.

She doesn't have to have sex with me. I just dunno why she'd say "right now" or "yet" or "ready." You think she wants to have sex eventually, or she just feels like she needs to say something less emphatic than "no?" I don't wanna pressure her or anything.

ApologiZing in advance for post quality; hammered on mobile.

>>18091429
>You can't keep lying to your girlfriend or girl 2.
Why? I don't care about the moral implications, I see this as the natural order of things and what my gf doesn't know wont hurt her.

>>18091466
Then why even ask if you already have made up your mind to stay on course with,cheating and lying?

>>18091472
I didn't say I made up my mind to continue lying to Girl 2 and I didn't ask question requiring a moral judgement, I asked what a female reaction would be in the hopes that I could come clean to Girl 2 and thereafter cooperate.

>>18091488
/adv/ isn't full of clairvoyants who can read an individual's mind.

>>18091493
I didn't ask you to read an individual's mind, I asked what the women reading this would think/how they would respond to this situation.

I have recently started dating a girl and have fallen really hard and fast for her. . She did so too and we've been dating exclusively since then. She's gorgeous (a model), smart and funny. We have lots of great chemistry
However, within days, something changed inside of me for a very stupid reason.

We went out to see a movie. I have already seen it sometime prior, but she wanted to go with me so I kept quiet about it so she could enjoy it more.
We had great time that day and after the movie ended I blurted out that I had already seen it with someone before we started dating (went on a bad date that didn't go anywhere). I felt bad about keeping secrets from her and I thought that by seeing it twice I was making a cute sacrifice but she suddenly went silent. At first I thought she was just fucking with me, but as we were walking back I realized that she was really mad with me and wouldn't tell me why.

>>18091516
Contd

Something about that made me furious. Here I was catering to her every need, taking her on expensive dates, bringing her breakfast to bed, made romantic dinner for her, going out in the morning to get her favourite cereal and all that. And there she was being seriously angry at me over something so small.

At that moment I felt extremely disrespected and for a second I was ready to just break up with her. I was honestly surprised how mad she made me as I'm usually the person who doesn't hold grudges.

Later on that night she seemed to notice that I was angry and quiet so she just kept cuddling me. I have managed to keep it inside and warmed up again. I told her I was sorry for being angry. I hoped she would say sorry as well and we'd let it go, but she never apologized. I initially ignored it, but looking back, her not apologizing made it even worse.

This situation made me aware of a certain imbalance in our relationship. She is clearly in love with me. She tells me how great I am, can't stop bragging about me to her friends and when we're together she just won't let me go even for a moment. However, she very rarely does anything for me. I don't expect anything big. But the only things she did for me was help me pack some of my stuff when I was moving and bought me a plant to liven up my new place, both of which I was truly thankful for.

When she stays at my place she never offers to do anything. Never asks if I want a cup of tea while I'm working, or never asks if I want help with the dishes after we have dinner. My schedule is crazy busy and I'm making a lot of effort to find time for her, but she just lounges with her phone while I do stuff.

What should I do /adv/? I believe that relationships should be about making equal effort. I truly fell in love with her and I honestly felt like she's the one. I don't want something so minor to affect my feelings and I really want this relationship to work out. Everything else about us is just perfect.

>>18091517
Sounds like you should be talking about this with her. How is she supposed to know you're not happy about this if you don't tell her? Communication is key.

>>18091516
>>18091517
tl;dr seems to be
>I'm putting all the effort into the relationship, what should I do

The answer is to do less. Don't sacrifice yourself for the sake of it,that's beta and she'll get turned off. Start objecting more and make a stand for yourself. Do not be just a toy.

>>18091517
The lack of communication is bad. If you think it's annoying now, wait until it happens over and over, when she won't tell you what's wrong, expecting you to fix everything.

This is just another form of her putting in no effort. It seems like you've detected this in other areas, too. She doesn't buy you presents (other than one plant), she doesn't offer you favors, or do the small thoughtful things partners are supposed to do.

Her bragging about you and being affectionate with you is not enough indication that she will make an effort. You make her look good (hence the bragging) and affection is a two-way pleasure. What she lacks is giving you, alone, happiness. She doesn't sacrifice for you.

I think this is a fundamental incompatibility. Trying to make someone give love/effort to you destroys the very purpose of it.

>>18091526
I feel like OP doesn't want to do less, he wants her to do more. It's very disappointing when you have to lower your natural level of effort because your partner is a lazy shit.

>>18090635
Can you go to someone higher than your manager?

>>18091526
>Start objecting more
Actually let me take that back since it just sounds like "pick a fight with your ho". What I really mean is:

Think about YOURSELF and don't suppress yourself. She's not feeling admiration when you do shit like that. She's getting bored and thinking less about you. Especially if she's that kind of girl who you can point out is

>with her phone

Also, in a way you did good telling her you saw it with another girl but the timing was pretty bad. Would've been better to tell her before you really made plans to see it.

>>18091533
If he can't he should more than likely just end it now while he's still got some of her respect left. She's more than likely lazy because he's made her complacent or he's trying to be too nice to her.

I mean shit, not helping with the dishes? That's totally a girl all caught up in "her", not "them" and definitely DEFINITELY not "him"

>from Men

Dear women

Why the fuck are you so quick to suicide when we reject you, what the fuck!

>>18091523
>>18091531

Yeah, when that happens again, I think I should talk to her. I'm trying to figure out what's the most diplomatic way about doing this. People usually get defensive when they're blamed and cornered so instead I was trying to encourage her. Told her how much I appreciated getting the plant and how happy it made me feel. Hopefully she will get the hint.

I also feel like I shouldn't really be asking her, to do stuff for me, but it should come out naturally.

Not to mention, she had some serious trouble in the past. Her previous boyfriend was extremely controlling and is currently stalking her on social media, making calls from new numbers and so on. So I'm willing to give her some benefit of doubt and take it slow.

>>18091539

Telling her at that moment was not the most tactful thing looking back. What did infuriate me however, was that she couldn't forgive me the lack of tact, when I took a day off work that day, took her to a bunch of places, went in the morning to get her cereal.

>>18091533
I think that's exactly it. I hate being caught up in this "beta" "alpha" crap. When I care about someone, I want to make them feel loved and happy. I don't want to play mind games to assert my dominance, or fight for my respect. But I do hate when people take it for granted and take advantage of me.

>>18091446
So what is it specifically you want to tell her as advice? Is it to consciously try to show an inkling of interest in a guy that she's receptive to? That's where I would start anyway and sounds like that's where you're going with it.

In any case if she's a reasonable girl which she sounds like she is, next time you're talking to her about that subject offer her that little piece of constructive criticism, but as a potential suggestion rather than explicitly telling her she's doing something wrong. Does that make sense? She might be receptive to it if she knows it's supposed to be a helpful tip rather than something standoffish or confrontational.

Approach with tact is what I'm saying. Food for thought, planting seeds rather than "you're doing such and such wrong". I hope that helps.

>>18089225
Excuses. Get rid of her. She's not worth it.

My ugly taiwanese wife is wondering why I don't show her off to my social circle, help! I don't want to brag about a hideous person that clearly is not beautiful. I'm actually hoping she'll kill herself today.

I'm an incredibly awkward and anxious guy and I can barely hold a conversation. More than 5 seconds of eye contact at a time is out of the question. What is the best possible way for me to approach girls and look like a charming autist instead of a creepy one.

>>18091574
Why do you want her to kill herself?

>>18091574
Why is this not a banner?

Update on >>18088969

I helped her and her friends. And she asked me to send her something relating to that, so did it, and we started talking.

I made a joke about how she's impossible to get a hold of unless she needs something.

Her explanation was that she was very different a year ago, when we met. Hard to approach, not sociable and afraid of guys. She also said she was a bitch back then, could have handled it better and told me upfront.

She also apologized for her past weakness and hopes the uneasiness is gone.

Do you think that's bull? Sounds honest to me, but I know some people can make up false vague excuses for their shitty behavior.

>>18089411
Everyone I have ever had sex with has used me and abused me. Yes, I regret having sex with people and I'm pretty much crippled on the romantic front because of it.

>>18088328
Go with the third option desu. I was terrified my first time, I feel just about everyone is. It wont make you look like a pussy or a "spineless faggot" as you, so graciously, put it. If anything, working through a problem like this will probably only make your emotional bond even better.
>>18088375
>>18088419
>>18090175
>>18088346
All good shit

>>18091609
Because she's ugly I can't stand the sight of her disgusting face any longer. In fact all her photos are heavily photoshopped to cover it up but it just makes the situation even more embarrassing once people realize how ridiculously ugly she must be.

I'm probably beating a dead horse at this point but she is quite old to the point she's considered rotten beyond the expiration date.

I'm a public servant, is this a good thing for girls or do you all think we're lazy unambitious people

>>18091574
Why the fuck did you marry an ugly taiwanese? Were you THAT thirsty?

How do I choke someone during sex? My ex was into it and I was totally shit at it. I've tried and tried it on myself but I can't seem to cut the oxygen off to my brain no matter what I do.

>>18091769
It's an average job. More secure than most, mildly boring/uninteresting. I don't associate it with super high ambitious/driven people, but I don't necessarily want someone extremely ambitious.

>>18088631
Or maybe the NWO is part of the trilateral commission?!?

>>18091769
Depends on how interesting your department/agency is really. I wouldn't think you were lazy or unambitious unless you actually are so in your general demeanour

Hoping to get some feedback from girls but anyone is welcome to answer.

I probably have a bit of a twisted outlook on relationships due to being a fat nerd growing up and spending far too much time on 4chan. Now that I've got my life together and have been dating girls, I have serious anxiety about cheating.

I'm tall, above average body, average face , have a good job and my own house at 25. I've come a long way with my self confidence and I know that I'm desirable, however whenever I'm in a serious relationship (and I'm in a great one now) I tend to have unjustified the trust issues

Mainly the staggering amount of attention all girls seem to get on social media, combined with all the cheating stories I hear with people never knowing until the end.

I treat my girl well, have never been given red flags, and have great feedback from previous partners - but I sometimes obsess about how many guys are making passes at my girl online, or how the constant validation of 60 likes and comments on a basic selfie must pump people's egos beyond belief.

Ultimately, I'm just hoping to here from girls on here - are my concerns just paranoia from spending too much time on the internet? Assuming you had an attentive partner, have any of you stayed loyal for a long term relationship? Do the constant guys hitting on you affect how you see your relationship?

>>18091826
Yes, it is.

I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years and I've always been loyal, even when he wasn't an attentive partner. I did have some "crushes" but I always handled them easily by distancing myself from the person I had a crush on and investing on my relationship.

I don't get guys "constantly" hitting on me.
I'm pretty modest both offline and online and I don't really get attention 24/7. I might have a few guys flirting with me if I go at a party, a guy hitting on me every now and then, I do get some "hey bby ;) ;)" comments on instagram, but that's pretty insignificant and I don't even think about it 10 minutes after it happens.
Like - I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend with that dude on instagram who commented with a thumbs up emoji.

>>18091831
Thanks for the response. I understand about not cheating with a guy who commented on an Instagram picture, on that end Im just more concerned on the mental effect of constant validation from other sources. If my relationship were ever to hit a rough patch (luckily this has never happened), its disconcerting to know she'll still be receiving positive attention from these guys while we work things out .

Can you elaborate on the crushes that you had, and how they developed ? I don't usually see honest answers like this so I'd really like to know how that happened, and also why you distanced yourself even when your bf wasn't being attentive.

>>18091834
Why is it disconcerting?
You (hopefully) aren't the only source of validation of your girlfriend - I get attentions, compliments and love from family, friends, colleagues, bosses and, yeah, sometimes even strangers on the internet. Even when me and my boyfriend hit a rough patch, I still have plenty of things in my life that make me happy. He's not the only good thing in my life, he rarely has been. Strangers complimenting me for my body don't particularly make me feel better about myself, it's pleasant but it's not really going to make my day better.

>Can you elaborate on the crushes that you had, and how they developed?
During these 10 years I met people, sometimes I met a guy and I hit it off with him. It happened rarely, but it happened.
One time it was with a classmate, once it was with a friend of a friend who hanged out in the bar I always go to. We talked, I was attracted to them physically, we flirted a bit (lightly and innocently). When I rationalised that I was attracted, I simply tried to avoid them and spent time with my boyfriend till it passed.

I did so because I respect my boyfriend and our relationship. Feelings aren't always extremely strong, but respect, commitment and dedication are rational decisions. While I do not always feel crazy, madly in love with him, I always know I'm committed to him.

Girls, if you found a peephole into a Men's shower or changing room and you knew you couldn't get caught, would you look?

>>18091852
You're too good to actually exist.

>>18091855
Probably yes. If not, it would only be because I'd feel too bad about it, which is hard for me to judge upfront (which emotion would win out). Though I would mostly like to see a single man bathe as opposed to a group, then you have a forced casual atmosphere and really low chances of any dick touching which would be my #1 field of interest.

>>18091861
Going to dump my boyfriend now that a stranger on the internet complimented me, be right back :^)

Thank you - you're very kind, anon.

>>18091863
Nah, I didn't mean that way.

>>18091852
I'm not her only source of validation, but ideally I would like to be her only source of romantic/sexual validation. I realize this is probably impossible in today's age and it could just be my lack of social experience that makes me think of this as possible.

I have always felt that if a relationship hits a rough patch, the temporary lack of validation from your partner, and wanting that back, is a natural part of the healing process that brings people back together.

Having a list of guys lines up to compliment you, and one Facebook message or text away from showing up at your house really seems to upset the balance here. Again, I may just be paranoid about this, or it may just be an unavoidable reality.

>>18091867
Other anon chiming in. For what it's worth, I like those little flirty interactions and/or compliments a lot, but I look at it differently. For me, a guy throwing me a genuine smile and being visibly taken with me is a sort of reminder of the appeal I have as a human being, my very ability to connect with people and leave an impression on them. It's like when I have a sweet little interaction with a girl I don't know, complimenting her and/or making her laugh. It feels really good in the moment, but I don't walk away feeling sad that she and I aren't friends. I have friends I also have chemistry with and also laugh with, AND actually love and have known for a long time. It's just a really nice realization to feel that you still "got it", that people who haven't already grown attached to you and have reasons to be grateful to you can also find you engaging and kind. In that moment I am not really concerned with who the other person is individually, they are a nice stranger to me who is exemplary for the whole of mankind that I don't interact with and am happy not interacting with but might some day get to know if life takes me into another direction. To be fair, I also get off on seeing my partner have an (innocent) flirtation, so my frame of reference might be different.

I am not going to feel tempted to step out because some random man gives me a compliment. That's cool as far as stranger interaction goes, but it's pretty fucking meager if you're talking about relationship potential, let alone a really good romantic connection. All it really tells me is that he is (mildly, perhaps not even beyond a night of sex) interested in that moment and I am happy never to find out how serious that interest is. Even as someone who has never been the typical hot girl who bathes in attention, I know that men like girls and someone giving it a shot with me doesn't say much in itself.

>>18091866
Too late, already dumped him.

>>18091867
You really are paranoid.
You rarely are the only person t finds someone attractive. There will always be other people who think your partner is hot and a suitable partner, and it was always like this.

I also think that you get over rough patches because you love each other. If the only thing that brings you and your SO together is reciprocal need for approval, it will end quickly and it will probably end badly. What keeps people together for the longer term is love. There's a difference between dating someone because you want to date, and dating someone because you want that someone. If it is the 2nd case more than the 1st, you should be good.
The compliments I get from randoms on facebook or instagram are no different from the compliments I get from builders when I walk down the street. I probably could ask the builders to let me suck their dick too, but... would I?

>>18091879
And for what it's worth, I don't do social media and I cut off "friendships" if I can tell the guy is interested in more, so I don't actually have orbiters or guys waiting to see when I'm single.

I understand that you might feel uncomfortable with what I describe. I think I just have a different mindset because I also find it hot to see my partner enjoy an (innocent) flirtation. I am attracted to my partners, I want them to feel desirable and like they chose to be with me as opposed to no other woman potentially wanting to be with them. I'll point it out if a woman looked at their ass and they didn't notice. I feel it's a breath of fresh air in the relationship that helps them have a healthy perspective if I don't feel up for sex a given time. It is beneficial for me when my partner feels valuable, it benefits our sex life if he feels hot and comfortable with himself. I will do anything I can to drive that message home but it's different, if I also love him then obviously it's not the same kind of shallow "I want to jump him" attention a look from someone passing by can achieve.

Not sure how useful this is to you but maybe it provides some more insight in how they can exist alongside each other.

>>18091884
>The compliments I get from randoms on facebook or instagram are no different from the compliments I get from builders when I walk down the street. I probably could ask the builders to let me suck their dick too, but... would I?

I think that's what scares many young men, the fact that women can have sex pretty much any time given that men are always DTF. Of course it's not that simple.

>>18091884
Yea, I don't doubt that there's some paranoia / anxiety going on with me, this is one of the reasons I asked for outside perspectives.

I don't think I'm the only one who finds my girl attractive or that validation is the sole reason for getting through rough patches, I'm talking about direct comments on desirability from randoms and how they affect mindset.

Something to consider is that as a normal guy, we may get glances or subtle flirtation (and we often don't realize it) but unless you are extremely hot, we don't often get direct solicitations like girls do. To a guy like me, having an inbox full of compliments or flirts would feel a lot different, since I'm assuming this is much more common for girls.

>>18091887
I really appreciate your reply. I think this is a very healthy way to look at things, and personally I'd be fine with this if the girl did what you do and cut off friendships that were actually a guy just hanging out until she was single or vulnerable. I do have a problem with girls I date claiming that guys are just friends, and it nearly always ends up with them admitting that I was right after these guys try to make a move on them, or randomly profess their undying love out of nowhere.

Is there a way I can address this if it comes up with this girl without seeming "insecure". When girls do this " just a friend' thing, do they truely believe the guy just wants friendship, or are they enjoying the attention while it's still plausibly innocent?

>>18091897
It's true that it isn't that simple, however on the whole it really seems like men will in general look for any reason to get together with a woman, where women will generally look for any reason to screen men out.

This can make us uncomfortable knowing that at any time the girl could jump to another guy of similar quality. Yes, they wouldn't have the same emotional bond, but the fact remains that the ease of which they can change course can make us worry about relationships being whimsical.

If I'm with a girl for 3 years, we happen to have a fight, she feels emotionally vulnerable and an attractive man approaches her, its a lot easier to see her cheating than the reverse, where as a guy I would have to specifically go out looking for girls and then specifically find a receptive one.

>>18091898
>I do have a problem with girls I date claiming that guys are just friends
That's possible. Contrary to the stereotype, there's guys around who have no trouble getting girlfriends or hook ups, and can interact with women without being singularly focused on sex. Yes, plenty of young guys would fuck any offering girl who looked okay. But the fact that they would, already makes it less significant if technically their friend also isn't too deformed to plow. That they would theoretically be okay with sex with her doesn't mean they actively desire it, let alone are hung up on it.

For me the biggest thing is that friendship between men and women looks like that, friendship. They did not meet because he asked her out or because they met while clubbing and uninhibited. They don't do cutesy good night/morning texts, they don't compliment her appearance, they don't have weird physical rituals saying bye. There's a certain kind of casualty in friendship, a lack of an attentive tenderness that is present in romantic connections. The guy isn't going to stumble over his feet trying to do her a favor. He isn't going to be all that interested in who she's dating and how her relationship is going, or in her inner life to begin with. They're people meeting up to have a fun night and then part ways.

I feel that many girls are in denial because it can be discouraging to truly face how many guys express interest in you because ultimately they're hoping for more. But most women eventually realize when someone is too emotionally invested for a regular friendship and if someone you're dating doesn't, you can absolutely point that out. Not in an accusative way because then you make her feel like she's complicit if she was being clueless/naïve, but by patiently showing from your outsider perspective that this guy is treating her like his lover (even if just in platonic ways) rather than a bro.

>>18091898
>To a guy like me, having an inbox full of compliments or flirts would feel a lot different, since I'm assuming this is much more common for girls.
Pretty much no one experiences that. Unless you're amazingly gorgeous, it doesn't happen.
Anyway - it's because you're not used to it. If you had 10 girls telling you that you look handsome every day, it'd be amazing for the first month and then it'd be normal. Like with everything, things are more exciting when you don't get them or when you get them rarely. If you get something constantly, it loses meaning.

It'd feel amazing for me to not feel scared when I come home alone on a friday night, but for you it'd be normal because you don't really fear that a dude rapes you when you're walking home.

>When girls do this " just a friend' thing, do they truely believe the guy just wants friendship, or are they enjoying the attention while it's still plausibly innocent?
I have guys who are just friends. Some are, some aren't and want to do me. I can tell the difference, I quit with those who want to do me.

>>18091914
It doesn't matter how long they've been friends, if you as her partner seriously tell her that you're worried because this guy shows A, B and C behavior, it is frankly disrespectful on her side to not at least consider this seriously and re-evaluate the friendship. If a girl responds like that you're not going to win, less so because she has a male friend than because she is not interested in taking your feelings seriously. Whether or not she instantly agrees or sees the same issues is irrelevant to respecting where you're coming from, the very fact that her partner is uncomfortable (within reason, of course, not talking about being jealous of her brother or something) should already matter to her.

As for your last question both happen. Full on denial is common (also for the reason I mentioned, it being painful to truly realize that no, people don't just think you're so adorable that you deserve all the good things in the world, they are just trying to get laid) but it absolutely happens that women low key enjoy feeling like they have a second option open. It is 100% justified to not want that in a relationship and to break up over her not wanting to cut off guys who are essentially in the waiting room for dating her some day.

I already made a thread, but apparently it's shit thread according to anon.

And I'd rather ask Femanons :
>>18091891

Basicallly:
>girl gives every possible hint she wants you
>next day is completely distant


Why?

>>18091927
So many options.

>she got turned off because she felt rejected as you did not reciprocate her signs of interest
>she heard something about you that she didn't like, is angry to find out that you hooked up with someone or were a dick to someone
>she got together with another guy or fell in love for real with someone else and is shutting whatever was budding between the two of you down
>she had a shit mood and took it out on you and it's not indicative of anything more serious

>>18091862
Wait, so girls do like seeing guys jack off?

(Not talking about creepy guys on coats on the street, of course)

>>18091933
Contrary to what possible religious moms told us, yes, men masturbating isn't that gross to (most) women.

>>18091933
Fuck yes. Not every single one, but it's not a rare turn on either. It's my single most recurring turn on if I fantasize.

Hell, I actually tried to watch someone jack off one day, I was walking my dog and there was this guy in a poorly lit room doing a rhythmic motion between his spread legs. Couldn't make anything out but figured he was an exhibitionist and settled opposite his window to "watch" (mostly psychological as there was no detail visible). Continued for a few heated seconds until he shot upright, turned on a lamp and I realized he was petting his cat who was on his lap. Doing that thing where you cup their ear and stroke it upwards multiple times in a row, probably just contemplating life until he realized I thought he was doing a show. Pretty awkward.

>>18091922
>>18091918

Thank you both for the feedback. I have a feeling that some of my problem is not realizing that girls get this a lot and so it must be much less significant to them.

If I could ask you each one last thing. In my current relationship, I haven't had any of these problems so far and despite the tone of these posts, I'm good at keeping an image of being a very confident guy and these anxieties usually just stay annoyingly in the back of my head.

I recognize there's no way I can control what another person does, but are there ways as a boyfriend that I can reduce the chances / make her extra happy?

My current philosophy is to keep working on myself as much as possible - that way she has an even more desirable partner, and worst case I'm in a better position to recover if my anxieties are real and things go bad. I hit the gym regularly and have a good body, I make solid money and maintain a career, and I take her out on dates / spend quality time whenever possible. I also make sure to not over the top or smothering with any of this.

Any recommendations on what else I can do to keep things healthy would be great.

>>18091935
>>18091936

Weird sometimes I have read girls on this thread saying that they would be creep out if they found out a guys fap to them.

I guess, women truly are complicated beings, it´s ok, I kinda like that about you.

>inb4 m´lady

>>18091939
That's different from seeing a guy just fapping to whatever.

>>18091927
You didn't go for it.

>>18091941
But wouldn´t a guy fapping to you be like the ultimate compliment? (I am just using male logic here, because that´'s how we feel about females masturbating to us)

>>18091937
I understand your reasoning but it's a bit tricky because at the end of the day, whether or not she's tempted by someone else depends more on her character and priorities (how well she copes with monogamy, how much she cares about thrills/adventure) and not your behavior, provided you were at least a solid boyfriend. You don't want to wind up in a position where you convince yourself that you have much more control than you do to feel more confident, only to unfairly blame yourself if you get hurt.

I think the biggest one is to make her feel like she's indeed not being smothered by the relationship. If you're dating a guy who sulks and withdraws if you mention you find the actor hot in the movie you're watching, your sexuality effectively gets a lot more stunted than if he's comfortable with you being a sexual being in general. That doesn't mean you have to like hearing her detail every guy who chats her up or something, but there's a healthy balance not just with this specifically but also the amount of controlling behavior you show otherwise. Eg the more you are the kind of guy who will send texts every ten minutes if she stays out longer than expected with girlfriends, the more tied down and shackled she will feel by the relationship while you want her to stay in touch with the realization that she chose to be with you for her own happiness.
Other than that, pay attention to your girl's own priorities. For me, the biggest areas of confirmation are touch and verbal affection. Someone gathering me in his arms and telling me why he loves me makes me feel safe and appreciated and loving in return more than anything else will. But maybe you have a girlfriend who -really- enjoys it when you are obviously thinking with her as a team player and looking how you can support her to be the best version of herself. Or who really loves the token romantic little card in the morning as a surprise. Or never feels more loved than when you're laughing/out having fun.

>>18091945
women are different, maybe for some of them. The thing that turns them on is seeing a hot guy jack off.

>>18091948
You aren't trying to be some sort of cookie cutter perfect boyfriend: the ultimate act of love and devotion is learning how to love your specific woman so that -she- feels best. Encouraging her to show you how to console her when she's sad, how to let her know you want her, how to alleviate her stress. And teach her how to love you and make you feel valued and respected in turn.

>>18091949
>The thing that turns them on is seeing a hot guy jack off.

Not that anon, but eh, don´t be so sure about that, I fapped with a hot girl on omegle (yes, she was real, I confirmed) and I am an ugly overweight fuck with a below average penis.

>>18091939
It depends on the situation. I'm the initial poster you replied to. If I find out that a guy who barely shows up on my radar has such intense and personal thoughts about me, yeah that's a bit weird. I'm sure if you vividly picture some girl you have no thoughts/feelings about mounting a dildo while thinking of you, you can imagine that. It's not necessarily a bad feeling but confusing and too intimate for the connection you have.
The thought that friends of me might have at one point rubbed one out while thinking of me turns me on, but I wouldn't want to know whether this is the case or not because it would add a weird sexual element in a platonic friendship that has no purpose being there.

If it's a random man with no connection to me, it is less directed towards me and more a sort of universal expression of sexuality and hedonism which I can enjoy without further complicating feelings.

>>18091949
A guy I find hot, yeah, sure. But that can be a slender sixteen year old boy with an angelic face or a pudgy sixty year old man with an unkempt beard. Women aren't princesses only attracted to clean cut model looking guys.

Quick question.

I commute an hour a day to college via carpooling. I have around 4k in a stock. I want to move on campus next year (I need 6k to cover Room and Board). Should I wait and spend that money on something like a car? Or would it be worth it so I can fully experience college? I can't join any clubs or anything since I have to leave at 4 everyday. I've also had Social Anxiety Disorder in the past and I feel like moving on campus is the next step and I want to get involved.

>>18091957
That's nice to hear desu.