GIOYC

Goddamn it, more RPing.

If you break my heart again, I'll break your fucking face.

I got a new job, my everything hurts, I work 40 hours even though I'm listed as only a part-time employee, I fucking hate life right now, but I need the money because where else can I get it?

The other methods I get money from are either too risky or too slow to be beneficial. While this is my only path, I don't fucking like it and I'm so done, physically and soulfully. How everyone else does it is beyond me, because physically working 40 hours in a week, especially spanning into the late-night, is brutal. Especially when you barely have transportation.

All these people complaining about their partners leaving them... at least you've had someone, unlike me, I have nobody, I've always been alone.
Honestly, I've given up hope that I'll ever get a girlfriend. I fucked up. My friends getting girlfriends and getting laid caused me to hate them, causing me to isolate myself.
I used to blame them for my problems but now I know that there is no one else to blame but me.
This realization is meaningless anyways since it's already too late to get back to them. It's been so long and I'm too scared to contact any of them.
Starting over isn't an option either since it takes too much energy and effort and I have no idea where to start anyways. College hasn't helped much.
I just want to get a cute girlfriend, that's literally all I want. That's the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. Because I haven't experienced the one thing in life that I desire.

Almost to the day where I will know if I will have a chance with her, or if i won't.

Last night I busted a really important nut

I didn't even know nuts could have importance

>>17863052
Just turn prison gay. Gay people are the most welcoming people i know. I went from having 0 lovers to having about 1 every week

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>>17863031
This seems like a good place to drop what I've had on my chest for a while now.

So this summer a friend of 4 years back killed himself and I found out while I was on vacation.
This fucked pretty much the whole vacation since, understandably I didn't feel like doing anything.
Fast forward a few months, I've noticed that my relationship with my gf is going down. I still love her but I can barley see her because of our jobs. I found out this morning that I work this weekend and I was planning on going to her this evening, but that plan is fucked now.
Starting from tomorrow I work 8 days straight and as icing on the cake I dreamt about my friend who killed himself about 2 weeks ago.
The dream was so real and it completely fucked me up. Been feeling like shit for 2 weeks straight now.
Hold me 4chan, please.

>>17863043
Justin stop.

I'll protect you R. I will. Please...

Come over NOW. NOW.

Just come home to me please. Do it NOW.

>>17863151
I made an appointment with the psychiatrist, ok?

I love you. I love you so much.

Come home to me ok? Please... come home to me. After that there is literally NOTHING he can do to you. NOTHING.

LEAVE NOW.

COME HOME

What the fuck is this thread? This is the fucking faggiest shit I've ever read on 4chan

You fucking bitch. You know how to take away the good in people when they are TRYING to help. Your arguments are the worst, your opinions are unasked for, and you are such a one dimensional creature. To ask for help is to violate you. I don't even ask help from you and you are such a nosy person!

You don't see that when I win you win. But instead when I ask for help (not even from you) it's a fucking burden. I am TRYING to get a better life. I am not doing drugs, I am trying to shake hands with the right people and you are keeping my uncle from helping me. I can't tell you anything without you pointing the obvious, like GODDAMN sometimes I wonder why I keep shit to myself! And you get so fucking butthurt when I give a short answer of "doing good". Fuck you. I'm in school, I'm balancing a minimum paying job, I failed a class, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I'm gonna try again next semester and I don't need any of this "you have to try harder" bullshit. NO FUCKING SHIT. GODDAMN you have nothing good to say about anyone. You are always negative and I wish you could see the goodness in people. Sorry to be a little bitch but I also have depression that reels me from getting shit done.

Just needed to get this out of me anons cause this shit has been eating at me for the past few weeks.

>>17863154
I am your jesus christ...

If I could see your face today... Please oh please. please...

PLEASE.

>>17863151
>>17863154
>>17863169
Seriously are you retarded? What the fuck are you on about?

22 years old male here. I want to sell sex for money/drugs. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it, I'm lonely and I could easily dress up as a cute femboy and get basically free money and drugs, doing something I really want to do.
Isn't life about doing something you love for something you love

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You sent me a text

I-i feel so happy right now i thought you were starting to avoid me after what happened last time

I don't careif it just happens to be a late bithday congratulations or any little stuff

you actually sent me a text i miss you so much, it it happens to be a tect saying you want to see me again i swear i will cancel my trip just to see you

please be something good

thank you

>>17863236
Shut the fuck up. You're not talking to anyone. The person you're talking to will never read this. All you're accomplishing is sounding like a retard on 4chan.

I'd do it all on my own if that means I can see you smile at least once even just from afar.

The RP in these threads is solid gold, bravo you guys. Anyways,

>Didn't date until out of high school
>Started dating in college from about 20-23 years old, had two long term relationships
>After second one, decided to focus on self from like 23-26.
>Started going out on casual dates with girls from like 26 until now, 29.

Man I'm sorry but I'm just fucking bored of women, or dating, or something. Not to be offensive to any femanons here but you guys are fucking dull sometimes. I thought dating was supposed to be getting to know each other better and testing compatibility, but like every date I've been on in the past 3 years is just me catering to girls and doing everything, while getting background crickets noise for a response. Like
>Asks what kind of hobbies this girl has
>"Oh, idk..." [Awkward silence intensifies]

Like what the fuck do you mean you don't know what you like to do for fun? Are the girls that I've been attracted to at first glance turned into fembots or something?

This isn't even with a specific age group either. I've dated women from 19-35 years. All of them are attractive and a lot seemingly have their shit together, but I just get bored to tears trying to find a way to get a girl to open up in any manner. Do girls just get the tism during dates? I'm always polite and well mannered, and I have gotten very proficient at speaking eloquently at the right times; if I thought this problem was me then I would rectify what needs to be done. But my fucking holy spirit of Christmas past I can not believe how boring dating is. I give every girl a benefit of the doubt and I typically ask to go out at least once more, which is almost always met with instant acceptance. Like, maybe she was just really nervous on the first date. But it's the same shit all the time.

Who's dick do I gotta suck to get an attractive woman to not spaghetti drop a date while out with me?

>>17863185
>>>/lgbt/

I am going insane, and even though I'm not really that okay with it, seems like everybody else is making a bigger deal out of it than me. I know people care about me, but fuck, living in a world where people care about you more than you care about yourself is very taxing emotionally. I don't really know how to describe what I'm going through right now, and in fact this text is probably far from representing what is actually happening, but I don't know, I'm just letting my mind pour all this shit in here. I feel like my brain has become this intricate information processing machine that rationalizes and internalizes so much what happens outside of it that it has pretty much completely subjectified the entire world and itself in this process.

>>17863125 is me too, by the way.

He was (and is?) friends with this girl. She would usually only speak to him, and one other in the class, eventually she kinda started becoming a little more distant with him (No longer responding to texts)

I got him to message her after a club they are both in one night, and no replies for a few hours. Until her got this from her.
>"Remember what professor told us? If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it might be a duck?"
>"I am very true to myself, and never lied to anyone about who i am, but i have an appearance on the contrary."
>"If age is a factor for friendship, than thats a bummer: for im way older than you. Hence why I kept avoiding the question."
>"IDK why age matters towards friendship, but some people think that way, or at least, im most sensitive about it: that is the"
>"The cat is out of the bag! That feels better (lol). I hope i didn't upset you."

After this, they began to talk a lot again, probably every other day over that week, and also agreed to meet up for coffee.

But the morning of the Coffee meet, she texted him with "This sucks, but i can't make coffee or the club today. I forgot about my commitment to work: to work during college breaks. I apologies. Have fun at the club!"

After this she won't text him again. But in person she would still act the same with him, and told him how she got his messages about rescheduling and having one last club meet.

Being with you was the best moments ive had in over a year. Two nights that made everything ive been through recently, worth it.
I didnt want to fall in love with you Cori, but here i am.

Please dont leave.

My mom is a milf and all my guy friends in high school and even my bf has said so.
>tfw jealous of your mom

>>17863452
Fuck your mom

WD,

I think about you a lot. I'm sorry that I broke your heart, you're a gorgeous guy and I'm positive you'll find somebody right for you someday. That person just wasn't me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to play with your feelings and make you feel used, I hope that you're happy right now. I'll always treasure the little time that we spent together, please never give up on finding happiness.

C,

I'm truely sorry about having been such a shithead to you in the past. If there was a way I could make up for it, I'd do it in a hearbeat; but we both know that I can't, and that's just something that we'll both have to live with if we want to continue being friends.

CC,

I'm sorry that I let things get awkward between us. I'm not good at socializing, and I'm afirad that of we hang out, you'll feel even less inclined to talk to me. I'm sorry that I sort of used you as an emotional sponge when I was going through the breakup with J, it's an awful habit of mine. I need to keep emotional isses to myself. I'm sorry if I made you feel used, that was never my intention.

K,

I hope that we never, ever meet. Based off of the few interactions I've seen with you and J, you already seem like a disrespectful, two-faced cunt, and I already hate you for the horrible things you've said about me without even having met me. You were going to be nice to me, and pretend that you weren't making fun of me behind my back. So much for first impressions. Fuck you for that, that legitimaely disgusted me. If you and J weren't so close and hadn't known each other for so long, I'd have already made him drop you a long time ago. I hope you understand my bitter resentment towards you - you're an idiot if you expect me to make nice and forgive you.

Cute very very cute.

I love you deeply

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I've been having non-stop thoughts about a girl I knew in middle school. It was obvious we really had a thing for each other based on how we acted, what friends had thought, etc. To this day I regret never being with her. It's really been a struggle repressing her in my mind. I tell myself everyday I just wasn't ready, but deep down I know it is because I am a coward. I saw her once after a Uni course and on my way home, working at a Subway. Then and there I knew that flame was still there. Fuck man, it was so cute and awkward how we were stumbling on our words, blushing, etc. Her co-workers saw it too and just smirked. I dunno, one part of me wants to drop everything and just try to be with her, the other side is scared shitless and wouldn't know how to even start, so hiding away playing video games all day every day is how I cope. Even as I write this, I know I am too much of a chump to even try if I ever see her again. She deserves better than me.

I'm chill as fuck, my only worry is who is going to take care of my pet if I die before him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJfh0Pyg6gw

Listen to yourself.

>>17863565
>She deserves better than me
You deserve better than yourself too. Get it? I know you do, but you won't do shit about it. I won't either.

I was just joking and wasn't that serious when I joked about seeing if I could open something to see if I'd get what I'd want from it, like dang it didn't require you to give me a nasty look. Sorry I didn't want to waste money on a blind purchase, even if I really wanted it as a gift for a friend.

>>17863564
Who is better?

>>17863592
What do you mean?

I very often try to be a nice person and do little favors, because I love to see someone being happy about something I did or contributed to.

However, I noticed that almost noone acts like this (not only to me, but everyone to everyone else)..
Why can't people be just a little nicer to each other?

>>17863637
This wicked world does that to people. Why don't you do us all a favor and show people that they too can be nicer human beings?

You always shifted it like this why are you like this.

Was I just your toy
Were we something like friends
Did you want to meet me?
Did you think about me in a nice way?
I'm just outies

>tfw forever alone
>tfw unattractive

it's an abstract feel

>>17863031

I guess I deserve this shitty life for being a bad person at times, but my parents also deserve some of the blame for being awful examples by basically ignoring me when I was young and needed them the most.

I have mental problems.

>>17863884
What kind?

idk how i should feel about you contacting me to offer me money to help you clean. like the fuck? I'm not trying to start a business and I'm not even motivated enough to get my own shit done. You know this. Is this a ploy to get back in my pants? Do I really need to actually tell you off? I'm not a nice person and you push my buttons, which is why the fuck I left in the first place. Too bad, because if you'd have just said something like "i miss you" or "i could really stand to see you right now" i may have invited you over. i'm thirsty as fuck but I'm not this thirsty.

also what the fuck why do I attract these sorts of men? I'm mad.

>>17864115
>i'm not a nice person
>why do i attract these sorts of men

you answered your own question there, sweetheart
i bet you think you deserve a good man, when you are admittedly just as shitty as the men you attract

i'm worried about my girl
going through stuff
won't tell me what it is
except she'll post it online asking for advice from a million strangers
so i found out as in finding out, not being told by her
asked her about it...
needs the night alone she says
life crisis. she says

i don't know what to do besides not aggravate her and give her the space she wants

i feel like shit, but i can't say anything
i don't want to bother her
i feel fucking awful
i haven't got anyone to talk to about it
maybe that's how she felt that she posted asking for advice
fucking end me now, i haven't got any friends and i might just be in a dying relationship

i loathe myself

I have constant homicidal ideation

Allyn
it's always the same shit, different day with you
if I'm ever unhappy with something in our relationship you:
>claim I'm attacking you
>"I'm sorry you're upset"
>ignore me for 3 days
no resolution. no attempt to resolve anything.
it's like I might as well talk to my cat because at least he'd acknowledge me when I'm upset
you claim I shut you out but I'm ALWAYS honest about my emotions
if anything you shut me out because you do above whenever I'm honest about how I'm upset with something in our relationship
at times like these I keep thinking back to when you broke up with me before and said
>I want no responsibility to behave a certain way but I want you to stay completely faithful to me
like oh you you want me to stay faithful to someone who won't communicate or give a fuck about me when I'm upset
do you even give a shit NOW? do you even take me seriously at all?
the hell man. all I want is some affection and compliance to fix things.
you said you'd change like 5 times but clearly that's not on your agenda
i'm just fed up with the bullshit and questioning everything
-Cupcake

>>17864152
>at times like these I keep thinking back to when you broke up with me before and said
>I want no responsibility to behave a certain way but I want you to stay completely faithful to me
>like oh you you want me to stay faithful to someone who won't communicate or give a fuck about me when I'm upset
and to passer-by's who are gonna get confused
he wanted us to not be in a relationship or have the responsibilities of a relationship,
but wanted me to stay monogamous to him without either of those things

>>17864145
Go shoot or blow up America's enemies.

Please just throw me a bone universe. I've been a good boy. Give me something good and I'll make more good. I promise.

>>17863060
Same, best of luck anon.

I think I realized today that I've fallen into a really deep depression. I think I'm really fucked up and I have no idea how to fix it. I've experienced bad depression before, but it was very different. During my first depression I would sit and wallow in my misery and that's it. I knew what was going on, I more or less knew how to fix it and was very aware of my state. This time is very different. I was really badly hurt. I couldn't do anything about it but "take time to recover". I waited until I got a little better, then started doing everything that would make me happy, like I've seen everyone else do. Seemed normal enough, seemed like it the right direction. But once in this state I realize first hand the extreme faults with this. I had an idea before when watching others go through the same thing but I see just how fucked up it is now. Its like I'm addicted to drugs. I look for anything and only anything that makes me happy and feel good. I only do those things, and when presented with anything else, I reject it. I am extremely sensitive to anything that doesn't make me happy. I cant stand it. I do nothing but chase the good feeling no matter the consequences. I've shirked all my responsibilities or do them half-assedly. Whenever I'm doing something that requires boring hard work, persistence and dedication, I feel intensely uncomfortable even though it's for the good of my future. I abandon it immediately. I am hardly working, I'm in massive debt, I'm doing awful in school, I'm not doing as many chores, I'm not keeping as tight with my family as I should be, I'm not as thoughtful, considerate or caring toward others. I've become ridiculously selfish, self centered, cold, almost narcissistic. I'm disgusted with myself. I realize when I'm in a situation with neutral emotion, nothing to look forward to, I feel like I'm dying. I need to be doing something, or be excited to do something.

What's the technical term for "eating ass"?

>>17864482
This feels incredibly unhealthy. I'm not a happy person. I really thought I was. I thought I felt great all the time and I'm ready for anything. I'm not. I'm so badly broken. I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. HOW DO I FIX MYSELF. HOW THE FUCK DO I GET OUT OF THIS SLUMP. I feel like this isn't fixable. I thought this wasn't fixable at the start. I thought a piece of me will always be broken. So far I've been right about everything, even though I previously thought I'd proven myself wrong except it's so much worse than I thought. I'm trying so damn hard but I'm stuck. I don't want to go through life masking this forever. I want to be back to my old self. These feelings are familiar but they're raging inside me and I'm despaired towards them. I feel like I'm being pulled in two opposite directions while I'm limp and powerless. No strength. I'm confused and lost. I have no passion anymore. My blazing heart has lost all it's fire. This feels fucked up beyond my belief. All I do is chase the small temporary highs. I really thought I wasn't running away from this but that's what this feels like. I was never that type of person. I usually can't run away from something even if I tried. I normally have to sit there and address my problems until they're fixed in one way or another or else I can't let myself move. I'm not doing that now. I don't KNOW how to do that now.

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Do you really think I'll accept your friend request?
I ended the friendship for a reason. You're a manipulative backstabbing liar and a homewrecker. I didn't wanna deal with the constant drama and other bullshit.
I've already tried many times in the past to work things out between us. Nothing worked. You'd never make the effort and continued to do the same shit again.
Please leave me alone.

I put my heart and soul on the line for you
My state of mind. Anything to keep you happy
And if it wasn't enough

Goodbye love

>>17864486
Analingus?

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Never seen somebody act so desperate in my life.

>>17864626
Who are you talking to?

I STILL HAVE NO REAL WAY TO CONTACT ANYONE. ALL MY FRIENDS ACCOUNTS HAVE BEEN HACKED, THREATENED, BLACKMAILED.

R I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU PRIVATELY AT ALL. THEY HAVE THREATENED MY FATHER, HE IS HOARDING ALL THE PHONES.

PLEASE BE OK... PLEASE. I LOVE YOU. DON'T LISTEN TO ANY OTHER MESSAGE THAN I LOVE YOU. I WANT YOU.

i mixed a lot of alcohol with a beta blocker on prescribed on tuesday and since wednesday ive had constant heart palpitations brought on by the slightest physical exertion. im afraid im dying now. have an appointment on monday. wish me luck.

>>17864660
PLEASE. I DO NOT HAVE ANY WAY TO TALK TO YOU. I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO YOU IF YOU THINK I HAVE OTHER THAN I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

If you are able R PLEASE COME OVER TO THE HOUSE. PLEASE. I MISS YOU. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN TALK FOR REAL.

oh god please... they have been trying to stop me from being with you. All of them.... actively attacking me, blocking my skype messages, my emails, they filter my twitter and facebook. PLEASE.

R...

>>17864669
seriously though FUCK THEM.

I can handle the threats if they follow through. They would all go to prison. They would all fuck themselves over in the process.

That's how blackmail works, right? If you actually do it... then you're fucked.

So please... I love you. Please come to me. I'm so sorry for all of this. I'm sorry this had to happen. I don't know why people are this evil but they are. My family... just...

I was so angry for 5 minutes R. That rage engulfed me.

I contained it. I forgave my father, brother. I'm still angry at them though but I'm containing it. I will not let that control me.

I love you.

>>17864664
ITS ME, R! DONT LISTEN TO THEM! THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

>>17864587
He knew me 15 or so years

Anyway, life has it's way

At the very least come talk to me so I know what you wanted. Why you did all of this.

I know about the friends. What you did. Why you did it.

Come talk to me.

>>17864676
see that faggot there? no me. obviously.

>>17864695
seriously, don't even bother trying to email me, or contact me on facebook. It just won't work. They are preventing me from accessing any of it.

I want to see you, I do. Please... where are you at least? Tell me.

If just as friends this is all I want. To see you. To actually talk...

for months they have been blocking me.

>>17864703
is I here?

Someone come talk to me please. Please...

>>17864152
IL?

Did you get my emails?

I HAVE BEEN HACKED. I CAN'T TALK TO ANYONE AT ALL. I HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY OF YOUR MESSAGES PLEASE... CALL THE HOME PHONE AND I'LL ANSWER.

OH CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE DOING TO ME.

SWEET
TEA

wow wtf so im home from college abnd realll hungry. i reakky wanted beef. nothing else just beeg. well there us no beef here. needed beef right? so like im like i need beef. i went tlo the kiychen to look at my moms schedule. sayurday right, she shoould be working. i was going to wait until 5 so she go to worj then i go to hardees to get beef. at 4 am nobodys open but waffle houese and fyk that shit. steak and sjake too far away. hardees right there tho

well the bitch never even woke up. i made rice and veans and my stomach hurts.. i coulf have got a fycking thickburger. now my stomacg hyrt and i never gggit the burger. niw too kazy to ho yo hardees. my stomach

I cannot stress enough how FUCKED UP this shit is.

Ever since the nov 5th... you have been being blackmailed haven't you R? They have been using my email to send you nasty shit. They have been reading my loving emails as their own...

You've gotten in with bad people R. BAD people. Psychopaths.

fucking christ...

Can't email me. You can't skype me. You can't facebook me. You can't do anything other than someone show up at my fucking front door and talk to me.

Same for IL... they are preventing me from talking to ANY one.

Don't listen to their threats. They won't follow through. I know who the players are. I know.

If they follow through they have... so much more ahead of them.

Fuck, what did I do
Fuck fuck fuck

I didn't want you to feel bad about this.
Part of me wanted you to regret it, but that was just me wanting to world to be the way I want it to be.

I didn't want you to feel ruined.
I didn't want you to feel bad in any way about your past.

I wish I could take it back.
I wish I never met you so you could live your life the way you were, and not think you're a bad person for wanting to feel loved.

I should have kept my mouth shut.
I just should have left you alone.

What the fuck did I do


I fucking ruined you
It was me
All the dread you feel right now is because of me

I'm so sorry.
I'm so fucking sorry.

>>17864795
I forgive you.

fix my computer please.

Remove the malware preventing me from properly running my programs. Stop threatening my friends. Stop blocking my communications. Stop fucking with my email. Stop fucking me over for no reason other than for loving a woman truly.

That's all I ever did.

call me...
Please.

I need to talk to you. Just talk to me.

>>17864795
what is this about?
You said this before but I don't understand. What exactly are you replying to?

Any messages I send are about LOVE and just wanting to talk to you.

Where is IL?

Where are you?

I can't talk to anyone... my brother has been fucking with my computer. Other people have been fucking with my computer.

Just...

come the fuck on.

Someone talk to me. Call the home line today. Call that cell number. I'm watching both phones like a hawk so my dad doesn't try to stop it/

>>17864795
Do you remember what I said about apologies? About saying sorry? About making an amends?

About being honest about who you are?

About how that feeling you feel right now is a good person trying to be free?

Actions. Make an act of kindness to make an amends of your sins.

Love, love is a verb, love is a doing word.

I don't know if spilling my boring life out onto a public forum is gonna help me but I've tried everything and I don't have the time or money for therapy which is my last resort. I'm starting to get the feeling that this could be a genuine mental problem. No one's gonna care about this though, it's not that interesting.

To really get into my head about this you have to know everything about everything.

I'm from a European country. Won't say which one although I'll probably make it obvious at some point. My family's all from that country I'm 100% European, that is my home.

But I was born in America, because my parents were living there at the time. They spent the first 2 years of my life there but I don't remember it. Moved back to Europe when I was 2 and that's where I was raised and brought up.

But after growing up in Europe, my parents moved me back to America. But I never fit in there. Always hated it from the moment I touched down. It was never home. I spent more years of my life there than I did back at home but I never felt American and I never saw it as home. I would go back home every couple years to see family and friends and I would feel so comfortable and at home. Those visits were really special to me. I would spend my life waiting for the next one, using the memories from the last one to keep me going.

I never fit in in America. Had no social life. Just stayed in my house playing video games even though I didn't really like them. It was all I had to do. I never gained social skills. I developed anxiety, I refused to leave the house unless I needed to for school and all that shit. I thought everyone hated me. I became depressed because I just sat at home, locked in my room because I felt so uncomfortable. I hated myself.

But I met her when I was a teenager and we clicked. After all those years, she became my first true friend I made in America. I had acquaintances who I could joke with but she was my first true friend who I genuinely cared about.

>>17864822
I doubt this is about you.

Thanks for the reply though.

>>17864827
Hard to make an act of love from where I am.
All I have is words.
Trying to better, though.

>>17864831
We became best friends. I loved talking to her and she loved talking to me. We became so close. I still didn't feel at home but I had a really special friend.

Then, after some time, I got the opportunity to move back home. Finally, the moment I had been dreaming of for years. I took it without thinking.

But around this time, my friendship with her started becoming romantic. We fell for each other. But we hardly had time to be together before I had to leave. So we broke up and agreed to stay friends when I left. I wasn't too bothered. It was just a teenage relationship, it didn't mean anything, and I still had my friend.

And I moved back home.

And for the first time in forever, I fit in. I started making friends. I slowly started getting a social life. Something I had wanted my entire childhood. And here I was, about to become an adult, and I was finally getting my first taste of a real social life. And this whole time, my best friend was right beside me even though she was so far away. She was still my best friend because she gave me hope back when I was in my worst place. And I didn't know this, but after we broke up, she never lost feelings for me. So she was on the other side of the planet longing for me. And I felt this way too, but I repressed it because it just didn't seem possible. And I was focusing on my life here, because I was happy and comfortable.

And I became too comfortable.

I was loving my, my new friends and my new happiness in my new home. And I started to resent America and my life there. So I purged everything that reminded me of it except for my friend. And then one day, me and my friend got into an argument, and I decided to purge her too. I just stopped talking about her. And forgot that period of my life existed even though I knew it was wrong.

And we didn't speak for a very long time. And I hurt her more than I can imagine because of my selfishness. Because at this point she was hopelessly in love with me.

>>17864849
But after a while, I decided to come back because I knew I cared about you too much. And I knew I was a selfish dick for what I did. So we started talking again and we clicked again. And she forgave me for breaking her heart, and she let me back into your life. And it was amazing. The connection became stronger than ever. But I continued to push it away. But it became so strong, so I had to find a new way to push it away.

And I met a new girl, and we became romantically involved. Nothing serious, but it gave me someone new to have feelings for. That didn't last long though. And when I broke up with her, I decided to stop ignoring my feelings for my best friend. So I came clean and said I loved her. And she said she loved me too.

And it was beautiful.

Even though she was so far away, we found away to talk nonstop from when she woke up to when I went to bed as that's what our time difference allowed.

But we decided not to jump into a relationship until we could meet in person. So you arranged to come and visit me in Europe next summer. And we were both so excited to finally see each other and truly start this amazing journey together.

But until then, we said we could see other people as long as we told each other. And this worked fine.

But then I drunkenly kissed that ex from before. It didn't mean anything to me. I didn't expect it to damage our relationship because I thought it would be okay. But I'm an idiot. Of course it damaged our relationship. It ruined everything. She walked away. I tried so hard to fight for her. To get her back.

I tried too hard to fight for her. I gave her no space. No time to think. For about a month I kept begging and pleading. I didn't realise what I was doing and how awful I was being. I just wanted my girl back. And I ended up pushing her further and further away because of it.

R...

You need to come clean, please. What you have done has ruined DOZENS of lives. You have CONVINCED everyone that I am crazy.

What the fuck did I do to you? What did I do?

Because of those files?

I fucking didn't know. I didn't. FUCKING. KNOW.

and you went... and did this?

why...

Just call me, christ. It's so fucked up. I literally can't do anything. You guys might as well have just shot me in the fucking head.

and I am TERRIFIED of you all releasing those pictures...

no one will ever talk to me again.

for something that...

you did.

I wish I could post here, but there arn't enough proxies in the world

>>17864876
Fucking christ....

Why?

PLEASE TALK TO ME THIS ISN"T FAIR.

i'll just fucking kill myself then. I might as well. The thing you did to me is vile. The shit you took from me wasn't mine. I DELETED THEM ALL INSTANTLY WHEN I FUCKING FOUND THEM. COULDN'T YOU HAVE SEEN THAT. I WOULD HAVE DELETED THEM IF WE WENT THROUGH MY COMPUTER TOGETHER.

Did you send all the pictures to the people?

Is that why

just...

You hacked all my accounts. locked me out from the entire world. You convinced my family I was insane.

Jesus fucking christ renee FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK

>>17864868
And it turns out, about a month after I kissed that ex, she found someone new. I don't know if he's a rebound, a way of covering up the wounds I caused, or if he's genuinely something real.

And now she has no need for me anymore. I'm gone. She claims she has no opinion of me. That I don't matter to her.

And I don't blame her. I never thought I was going to hurt her and I wouldn't have done what I did if I thought it would've hurt her, but I suppose my stupidity was unacceptable.

But I can't shake her. It's been almost 5 months since I kissed that ex and everything changed. She's still with the new guy, although I guess 4 months isn't really long at all, but who knows how long they'll be together.

But it's been almost 5 months and I've only gotten worse. I only miss her more.

And I've lost my best friend. My special friend. The person I care about the most. The person I love the most. The person who gave me light when I had none.

And I have my friends here who I also love massively. And my life here is good and I'm happy in that regard but I still can't shake her.

And I don't know what to do.

I just want her back. I love her. I always did. I always will.

And that's my stupid, stupid, stupid story. My pathetic story.

I hate myself for losing her. And for hurting the most important flame in my life.

As pathetic as it sounds, I've considered suicide over this. I must stress I highly doubt I'd ever do that. But I've considered it. And I think that shows how badly this has affected me.

It's not just a breakup for me. It's the fact that I've lost my best friend and such an integral part of my life. It's the fact that it's ended the way it did. It's the fact that I made so many mistakes. I can't forgive myself and that's why it's hard to live with myself. Because what's the point when you know you're a piece of shit.

I was so desperate to find my happy place and fix my depression that I became selfish and lost something equally important.

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>>17864883
Calm down senpai

>>17864883
IT's MY FUCKING PROFESSION.

Some sent me to paint them. Others were promising me more and eventually let me down. The file structure and organization was a fucking DISASTER.

I HAD FILES FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS OF MY FUCKING LIFE ON THERE AND YOU'RE PUNISHING ME LIKE I FUCKING CHEATED ON YOU.

I WAS FUCKING LOYAL AS A DOG THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME.

and you decided to ruin my life, to cut me out COMPELTELY from the world, to ostracize me from my family, friends, and fans because...

I had shit from my past on my computer I didn't know about.

Just...

fucking FIX THIS.

>>17864656
About something I saw on fb. Kek

>>17864888
I can't use my computer. AT FUCKING ALL.

at all.

I can't talk to any of my friends. They all ignore me or blocked me because of your threats.

I can't do fucking anything.

I loved her with all my heart and she's punishing me because... of a fucking photo shoot that wasn't even pornographic.

and all you assholes are trying to pull me away from her. Trying to block my communications with her.

I want to see her. I want to see her NOW.

To talk to her...

I haven't known you for long but I still can't believe such an asshole like you actually exists, F. You've killed before and you don't have any regrets just because you're in a position of power. YOU EVEN TOOK MY BEST FRIEND'S LIFE.

But no more of that shit. I'm going to make you suffer and every life you made worst I will make you repent for you monster.

Once I go Super Saiyan it's all over you.

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>>17864889
I'm never gonna fix it.
Fuck off

>>17864892
Hoe I don't give a shit.
Get the Fuck out of this thread.
Your posts are cancer

Who am I to you, 'dad'? I recently had my 16th birthday and all you could spend on me was a measly £30. I said I wanted an electric and I got shouted and humiliated in front of the whole family for my taste in metal. Instead you buy me a second hand acoustic. You're miserly you couldn't even spend a few hundred on your own son.

Meanwhile, my younger brother plays on his gaming PC at all hours of the day.

Thanks Dad, thanks alot...

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>>17864906

>>17864895
>>17864899
clearly not her

Seriously... what is going on R? What?

IL? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Did R decide to visit me and all the butthurt fags decided to pool their resources against me?

Sure does feel that way.

Tiny baby!!!!!!!! Isn't that soooooooo romantic!? a really retarded nick name I'm giving you!!! kissy kissies xoxoxxxxxxox tiny baby and me sitting in a retard tree kissing!
>fapfapfap!

Is this retarded tiny baby guy the same moron getting haxxored right now?

>>17864917
I think so.
Either way it is cancer

why are short dudes such douchebags? I just metup with a friend i havent seen in a while and all this guy does is either complain or correct you over something in a super passive aggressive way. Hes like 5'8 too

Fuck this guy for real.

Eden

>>17864715
So we have schizo's posting here now?

>>17865064
Been posting the last couple of threads. I'm fairly certain the s-s-st-stutterer, darlin, tiny baby, and R obsessed psycho are all the same anon. Dude has some serious issues

>>17864127
okay on the surface I'm nice and don't know how to be mean to people or even be direct about shutting this sort of thing down
but deep down and to people I know closely, I'm a bitch, but they all love me for it so Idk.

also please don't call me sweetheart, that's disgusting.

>>17864906
At least he gave you a present, you ingrate.

Young people, 4chan is toxic for your mental health and how you handle relationships. Don't live your life here.

>>17863372
Femanon here. You really don't have to apologies. I have the exact same fucking problem with girls I try to befriend. To be perfectly honest, I've had a few run ins with guys who do the same shit but it's mostly women. My best guess is that they try show as few opinions as possible to avoid showing one that you don't like but don't realize how boring and stupid it makes themselves sound.

>>17864916
Fuck off already you sperg.

Herro i ugly chinky no speak engrish prolery i stalky other girls my ugly husband obsess over and say it honest so then i invade piracy because i really impotent person can do what i want. why these people beat me up and call me crazy when i do impotent people stuff!? i better all them so can do what want! i even more butterful than all bitches!!!&!#
i no pretend ever i real no imitation.

＾

You sound like that you ugly cunt chink fuck off already.

>chingchongchingchongchingchongchingchong

These threads got real dramatic over time

>>17865204
Yeah it's pretty hysterical lmao

I have a unique and interesting problem. A girl who literally thinks I'm too good for her. We dated for a couple of months and it was good, really good. We had our first argument and afterwards she literally had an anxiety attack that something she did bothered me. It was a small thing and I mentioned it was out of character for her and the thought of me thinking she was flawed really did a number on her. Now she is waffling back and forth if she wants to stay together and is concerned her insecurities will keep surfacing and sabotaging things. I told her to chill out and let me decide what was best for me but idk what's going to happen.

After 6 months of getting to know each other's, I told him how I feel yesterday. I didn't ask much.
I don't know if he thinks I was being a friend. I was, but I'm feeling more than that

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I can't fucking wait for you to die. I will honestly take off work just to celebrate. You're a worthless human being, You have been for 30 years, and I'd put money on nobody attending your funeral. Everything you've come into contact with has become worse, all of those you 'befriend' you abuse and manipulate and you've never once been honestly thankful since you think the world owes you something.

After all of the assistance, the attempted helping hands, I can honestly say you're beyond help and saving. All that needs to happen is your death. At least in death you'll no longer be able to harm anyone.

Im a failure, my life is a failure.
I hate myself

>>17865288
Stop trying to be a hero to people. You're as much to blame for wanting to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and seeking out these type of relationships.

Are you afraid of befriending someone who doesn't require you to be a hero to save them? Are you afraid that if you're not the hero they will abandon you?

I tried. I failed.
I've dusted myself off and preparing for the next stage. Acknowledging that I was never good enough for you in mind, body and soul took time. I'm am good enough though. In action you saw and experienced what love can achieve and provide. While I was far from perfect and more than likely being played for a fool, my intentions were honest. I hope you enjoyed me half as much as I enjoyed you. What I truely hope, is that my positive attributes rubbed off on you. I hope you learned that a relationship is about give and take, not use and abuse.

The last time we spoke, I was furious with you. You treated me like a stranger, and that my dear was the straw that broke the camels back.

Seeing pictures of you reposted on b, I'm unsure what to think. Are you attention whoring? Are the pictures being reposted without your knowledge? Or have you been cam whoring to pay for your neet lifestyle? Whatever it is, it's your choice, even though it flies in the face of who you said you were and the morals that guided you. And in that, I'm sad. Sad because you lied to me, only to become what you hated. I'm ashamed of myself for trusting you, and ashamed for you for failing yourself.

I can't fix this. I can't help you again. For the first time since I met you I feel totally alive again. Where you really that much of a succubus? Or wasnt I strong enough to hang you out to dry when I saw the first warning signs?

No matter, I have turned a corner. There are no more words.

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>it's a friend's are back in town and want me to hang out episode
Just go back already so I can return to pushing everyone away at a distance.

>>17865351
What are her initials? I know a few girls on this site that purposely fuck with people like you, I want to know if she's one of them.

4chan is not a good place to pick up girls. Let this be a lesson learned.

>>17865372
She's someone I know irl not someone I picked up online. I learned my lesson. Bitches are illusory, shallow creatures.

I had my heart broken a couple of weeks ago and it made me feel pretty lonely and shitty about myself, so I joined tinder. Figured I could at least chat with a few cute grills even if nothing comes of it.
It's made me feel quite good about myself so far, but now my friends have found out and are giving me shit about it for some obscure reason. I don't see what's wrong with trying to date someone without attaching myself emotionally.

>>17865297

I'll explain more since your assumptions are incorrect.

I've never tried to be a hero. The person in question is family, and I've long since given up but have to deal with them when coming back home since my parents refuse to give them the boot. I am to blame for involving myself in the past before seeing the truth, sure, but I've never sought out this stuff. I'm merely trapped since communication with my family or parents usually involves me hearing about how this person has done something to hurt or fuck over someone. They're scum. My family continues to assist them despite their parasitic and disgusting behavior.

I have plenty of varied friends too and really dislike clingy or needy types anyway. I feel some help is alright but people should pull their own fucking weight. This person is just dead weight that's drowning the unaware or those naive to their true nature.

I am so conflicted right now. On one hand , I have a job that I love making 32k a year delivering Goddamn pizza. The hardest part is cleaning the store and the hours (50-60 a week). I have a wife that loves me, an open relationship so I can fuck around when I want when I have time, life should be golden. On the other, my wife NEEDS to live in the near by city, cause she wants to be closer to friends, but we can't afford the 1k a month rent for a fucking studio app. So we're stuck with two roommates, one that's never there and actually owns the place, and lesbian couple who's fav past times are arguing and using all of my shit. That I'm the heaviest I've ever been (325lb) and can't find time to work out or get food that not horrible for me. Or am I just making up excuses?

>>17865568

Just download an app to log your intake and activity. Set goals. Eating right doesn't have to be expensive and right now you're making a conscious decision to shove unhealthy crap into your face. Keeping track of your meals really opens your eyes to how screwy your diet or nutrition is. Trust me, it helps having it down on paper or a screen. Even if you can't be fully active a change in diet should help. If you're drinking soda just fucking stop that to start off.

As for the lez roomies just lock your shit up that's important. Or get a backbone and straight up tell them to pitch in if they're using your stuff, maybe alternating or spliiting who buys if it's simple necessities like milk, eggs, cooking oil etc. If they refuse to be adults about it just stop buying whatever they're using up (if you can truly go without) or if it's food get an alternative you know they'll dislike.

As for your lot in life I'd say it sounds alright. You could be making more and living a bit more comfortably, so maybe take a look at your skills and think of a career path that can utilize and build on those and earn you extra dosh. This isn't to say you shouldn't enjoy what you have but realize sometimes comfort can lead to stagnation.

I just want you back. I wasn't happy before you were in my life, and now I'm not happy again now that you've left. Thinking of you and what you're doing is pure mental anguish. I wait for you to come crawling back and to say "I love you". But it will never happen... I'll never be the same. I don't even want to continue my life. It's been months. Some things can ease the pain, but only your return will ever fully assuage it.

>>17863565
Just go see her at that Subway... please. Go make it work...

>>17865668

Also, cook and prepare meals at home. You'll get awesome knowledge of different and healthy dishes plus leftovers to keep you from eating fast food the next day. The same deal with logging your meals, actually seeing the pieces come together makes you actually realize what you're putting into your body. Also, maybe time with the wife goofing around in the kitchen. And everybody loves a great cook

Even on a budget you can have fun getting creative within restrictions.

>>17865400
get over yourself faggot.

Your "help" destroyed that person. You did it ONLY for yourself and your opinion of them is to justify your shit fucking self.

I miss you.
I was in love with you, and you hurt me worse than anyone has ever hurt me. But I'm so proud of you for graduating and wish I could have been there to see it. You worked so hard.
Part of me still hopes that you'll realize you miss me too, and it can work out.
But I also hope she breaks your heart a little the way that you broke mine. I hope she drops you like a stone off the end of a dock.

>>17865733
Hi, femanon version of me.

>>17865752
Hi. It sucks. It's been a few months and I'm just starting to not have heart palpitations when I think about him. Hope we both start feeling ok.

Why are so many people trying to hurt me? What did I do? I am not manipulative,.. I have been the one openly posting about who I am. I have been the one not hiding in the shadows, sitting in their vehicle all night to hack my computer. No wonder I couldn't trace the ip... it's because it was my brother doing it all. I would smell cig smoke late at night wondering why...

My dad is in on it too because of S. Because of A. E as well. My sister... my uT is fucking in on it too. This all came together when I saw who I thought was his ex-wife but was her little sister. They look identical almost. She removed her photos, confirming all of this instantly.

My mother knows but won't tell me. She keeps trying to force me to the hospital.

They just don't like you... they know what you did and how disgusting it is. They don't understand mental illness like I do. Why you do the things you do. This is why I have such an empathetic heart for you. You're suffering, you hate yourself, and you can't control yourself in your rage.

I'm sorry I put you in that state...

I love you. I do. I wish I could see you.

I hope you are not ill. I hope you just got busted for drug possession or something in FW or H.

Black kitty, let's just run away. Get married and live together without lies, secrets, manipulation. We can run away and lose ourselves in romance and love... without the </3 but with <3

I want nothing to do with these people anymore. I'm done with them. All of them. They are disgusting, manipulative, mentally abusive.

I miss you so much...

They might take the internet from me for good. Throw snowballs at my window. Top left... fucking wail on it. I'll pack my shit now and be ready when I hear the sign. fuck ALL of this.

>>17865847
As for your justin, both of you, if I see either one of you in person again I'll fucking stab you faggots. You think you're tough because of your size and the other because of his ego. Surely you know not to fuck with a man without fear, without the ability to feel pain. Without fear of death.

JB... you know me. You know me too fucking well but surely by not you know when I want something I fucking get it. When my mind is set. when all of my mind's are set then I can fucking achieve anything against any odds. I'm incredibly stubborn, incredibly dedicated, and incredibly fucking passionate.

if you all think you can break me, think it's a good idea to test my fucking resolve... well, she knows how I feel about that. Just like the Japs in ww2. Do not wake a sleeping giant, poke the bear, or mess with the horns.

I have been doing this clean, honorably, and honest while you all have been backstabbers and lying manipulative cunts. I have been holding back. I have.

Just go away. You cannot "win". You can't. I can do this for fucking years if I have to. I planned my life with her, I made that promise... and my pledge was heroic.

It's only a short month... I'll be waiting my darlin.

please don't listen to those other faggots. Those liars, cheaters, manipulators, and cowards. Not one of them would have done ANY of this to my face. Fucking pussies.

IL,

Is that ernie I keep hearing? I swear to god I recognize that yap...

If it is why do you not knock? I'll get my phone back up. Tell me your number somehow... write it in code if you have to, I will recognize it. I'm kinda brilliant like that. :p

also...

I should call the cancer ward at lutheran again, shouldn't I? I had him call but he's the fucking one hiding it all. I'm trying to get my phone reactivated so I can message you.

did you plan on marrying him for the insurance? Is that what this was all about?

You realize I have health insurance too, right?

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I really wish that you're still single. If I had the opportunity to undo my mistakes, it would be the one where I missed my chance with you. I hope you're happy, because I really hate seeing you being miserable.

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I wanted to tell you since I met you that I cannot live without you [insert girl I love name]. Without you everything loses its point, maths loses its magic, physics its beauty. I don't know nor I can't express with words what I feel for you, I even feel embarrassed with myself when I think about you, because I think I'm no good for you. So pls be sincere with me and I swear I won't bother you anymore. Do you feel the same?
>tfw I can't say this irl.

Also you think I was lying about my past?

because of N?

I told you, I didn't have any friends until about 3rd grade. By 8th N considered himself too cool for me and spent all his time with a bunch of assholes that would make fun of me CONSTANTLY. They threw things at me, called me names, and more. By my sophomore year, the last year I played football, I was by myself for the most part. if I was lucky, RC would have the same lunch as me and he took pity on my loneliness.

By senior year, I had "friends"... M, E, redhead can't remember... but they all made fun of me as well. For being fat, for being weird, for being a loser. By senior year I was tired of being picked on, tired of never being invited to things, never anyone cared to have me around except for the occasional lan. I just stayed in my room and painted.

That's how you met me, remember? If it wasn't for how horrible they treated me I wouldn't have been the artist I am today.

That's a lot of Chris' in your life...

How long has this been going on? Why... did you do this? These people remembered this shit wrong completely.

Is EB part of this too? Matt? RC would explain the hacking bullshit. My brother for sure.

You sit there and bitch I have a victim complex, that everyone is out to get me... and then all of this? Female JB? IL? Literally EVERYONE I KNOW?

All of this so you could make me look crazy. You all planned a conspiracy theory to get hospitalized.

>>17865781
Yeah it's been months and all I want is a sign of minute interest from her.

>>17865715

If you truly believe my limited assistance many years in the past 'destroyed' them you're quite disturbed. I truly wanted to help them and did all a normal person would and could but as you stated before you can't help when they won't help themselves. I found that out when they fell back into their ways. God knows it wasn't out of selfishness since I wanted them to really improve, to be self sufficient and sober but it didn't work. That's why I gave up and now they're just leeching off of and harming others in a never-ending cycle.

My original post is truly terrible but I've been pushed to the edge with this person and so has anyone else that has dealt with them. It might seem like a cop-out but you'd have to know this person and their history to see the full picture.

And how about instead of throwing out silly accusations and insults you elaborate when it comes to your posts? A discussion? How could I have done anything differently? How and why could my limited assistance be the cause of their 'destruction'?

>>17865976
>harming others in a never-ending cycle.
how are they "harming" others?

>>17865955
There is too much evidence to get me committed. Too much. The hacking? The blackmailing of my friends? The harassment on my social media?

I don't know EXACTLY is doing all of this. The european faggot would be a good guess though. Or maybe I'm saying that to throw you guys off? Maybe, maybe. That little asian shit seems like the best off bet. He's a loser, all of his friends said that about him when I messaged them.

I do not use people. I do not manipulate people. I am loving, honest, and caring. I HAVE BEEN USED MANY TIMES. All those women in my past? Used me for art. The only one that I feel awful about is D. I feel really bad about that... she was a nice girl but she made me feel so incredibly self conscious and insecure. I know I'm not in shape, I'm chubby. She would talk about how she wouldn't be with a guy like me and when I had that flu I just wanted to die. I ended up getting so fucking depressed while having nothing but my thoughts to do...

I'm sorry about the IL. I hope you will be able to forgive me and understand. You know how you were at that time. You know how mean you would be to me. How incredibly jealous you were. I was walking on eggshells. If a woman with dark hair and bangs was even in a movie you would give me a deathglare.

and those times you would cut yourself when I tried to talk about how depressed all of this was making me?

Every other girl used me for my art. They would flirt, get my hopes up and then tell me they were already taken.

And when I stop talking to people? Every time it's out of depression. That's kinda how that works...

I have never used ANYONE in my entire life. I have given far far far more than I have received. I told you all from the start, I am not a perfect man, I am only a good man. That's more than what you can say about the men attacking me.

Did I get KB right? That artist girl? Is that why she isn't talking to me?

The guy saying senpai, that's T? What the fuck man? Why are you in on this too?

>>17866012
The posts about her?

I explained that shit already. It's not my fault she was lying to me about things. That she was manipulating me. Not even counting all of this shit.

She admitted to being abusive, manipulative, and lied a lot. Then she did a 180 saying I was the one doing everything wrong.

With the information I had, I made my decisions. I wanted her to get help and the only way to do that was to chop her disease off at the knees. To cut out her ability to hide, run, and avoid the consequences of her actions.

And the things she told me... they were evil. I broke.

But I apologized with all my heart. and I meant it. and I haven't done it since despite all of this harrasment, lies, and manipulation.

If I knew that my emails were getting blocked, my skype messages never got to her, and that people were using my words as their own, sending her nasty messages using my accounts?

Christ... you people fucking manipulated me to act a certain way and then fucking get butthurt that I acted that way. get butthurt when I say it's not exactly my fault. I still will stand behind everyword I have ever said, bad or good.

Stop blackmailing my friends. Stop fucking lying to them. You fucks are insane.

I love you and I hate you Yasmin. You jealous FUCK. Why you blocking me for not answering your call? You're always ignoring my messages but want me to reply to you.

All those posts about how you can no longer say I love you because it means something different now...

Were those for me?

Did you mean it as "I love you" as a friend?

or "I love you" as "I was falling in love before but now if you're not in my life I'll fucking die."

Your favorite person...
or, I thought for awhile I was.

You are clearly my favorite. I'll finish all those paintings for sure no matter what.

>>17865983

Oh boy.

Extreme stress with current family they're with due to constant fights. Mom broke down crying because it became 'too much' a week ago. If she (yeah, it's my sister) can't find a way to get under your skin or just simply get angry she'll destroy, steal or damage property. We're not talking chump change. Recently (no evidence but they know it was her) she stole hundreds of dollars and slashed a family member's tires due to a simple disagreement. Many attempts to spread false rumors among people to get them to fight or argue (working less these days).

Actual multiple cases of physical assault with people stayed with, beat an ex-boyfriend (broke plates on him, gave him a black eye, cut him) but he was too ashamed to admit it. Tried to stab a family member with a knife while high on something. Broke a friend's nose during an argument. Finally got into the can for a bit after an assault but got out.

Essentially this person got by due to the fact she was (her looks are gone now) a somewhat attractive girl that could play up the pity card and was great at manipulation. Scary good. Talk poorly about family or an ex with teary eyes so they could move in. Proceed to mooch as much as possible while treating everyone like shit, get kicked out. Rinse and repeat. Only maybe worked a month their entire life since they stole or lived off of others. She doesn't want to get arrested again so there hasn't been any physical assault. Instead it's a constant stream of actions that screw over others and treating everyone like shit.

I just can't understand it. They've been handed opportunity after opportunity and true, genuine assistance from many but they just squander it and whip back into being a genuinely unlikeable person.

Send me a letter priority mail with tracking number. Make sure I have to sign for it.

Tell me what is going on in this letter. Please. You know my address.

It's the only way we can communicate. Please, I'll write you back. Send it out ASAP.
JAW

Is she even still alive? Did she already pass?

I hope you all know how fucked this is. To separate lovers when one is on her death bed. I don't want to be like starlord over her, I want to hold your delicate hand and be by your side. No matter how you look, you will always be the most beautiful woman in the world. With that I can promise you.

I do not believe the social media posts. The instagram, facebook. Fact is unless she posts a picture with a timestamp saing "mi amor", doing a thumbs up wink then maybe.

Learning that you fucks are controlling everything I try to say to her doomed yourselves. She knows how loving I am. How romantic and passionate. How honest and open I am.

Meanwhile she knows you are all manipulative, lying, cheating, sly cunts that could never show their faces out of shame.

I hope she is alright. I hope she is hanging on, fighting.

I hope that she never had it in the first place.

There is too much evidence though. The bump on her collar bone, neck, the secret messages about cheaper methods, her obsession with money and health insurance out of nowhere...

I just hope it's not as bad as I thought.

I have a feeling she's in a hospital bed, resting.

I will fight these assholes every day. EVERY. DAY. until I find out the truth. I will ENDURE out of love.

I submitted a terrible sprite animation to Albinoblacksheep in like 2005 and just the other day I realized it's still there. I realize it's a stupid thing to be this embarrassed of but god damn it is so fucking cringey and awful and I wish it didn't exist. Good thing my real name isn't on it.

I started to hate the weekends. I have no one to talk to and I can't stop feeling incredibly lonely. Even though my job is killing me slowly, it's the only place where I can talk to people but I'm not familiar enough with my coworkers to consider them as friends. No one told me how hard it is to get new friends during adulthood.

I hate my job. I get baited into lawsuits, assaulted by my co-workers and supervisors, and worked harder than a good handful. Cops do not care that I get assaulted. My supervisors are unbearable. I enjoyed my short time in the service more.

>>17866261
You learn how truly fucking awful can be.

I'm dealing with an evil I never thought possible. Absolutely insane...

They think they can break me.

I was going to kill myself but now I don't want them to think they were the cause. Like, it would make them legit happy if I did that.

They need me out of the picture in order to fuck a mentally ill girl. For some reason, these fucktards think she was cheating on THEM with me.

Mostly what they want is me gone. I don't know exactly what's going on, why they are doing this, or what she is doing but I do know they have spent an incredibly amount of effort and time to do this. My suspicions could be right, or this could be the most elaborate attack in history that started a year ago.

Sorry buckaroos, I love to love. You can get every single person in the world against me and I'll still be fine. I'll still love to love.

Though, if you harm anyone I love, including my cat... I will make your deaths slow. I will peel the skin off your spines and feed it to you with a glass of bleach to top it off. Slow, slooowwwwww.

now they are getting even more aggressive. Making it so I can't use my computer at all.

R... what the fuck kind of people are you involved with? Is this your father?

Would he like a visit from the fbi?

or P? PZ?

my brother? N?

Just remember, I will never send you a negative message. I will ALWAYS be loving and want to be with you.

If you're dying... if your cancer is terminal and these assholes are preventing you from spending your last days with me...

I will dedicate my life to hunting them all down and killing them all.

I keep hurting people, and i don't mean to.
Why must people be so emotionally fragile.

>>17866390
Oh man

>>17864364
As it stands, I do have a chance. But will I continue to? Or will she back out.

And your situation?

I'm afraid of going to the doctor about something. Basically I'm thinking maybe how sick I've been feeling for almost the past year is just in my head, and that I'll be considered crazy or something. I don't know, maybe it's a false pregnancy thing or something.

>>17864838
Where are you? Did you get committed to a psych ward for trying to kill yourself over the things you did? Because of my love for you?

The cancer is real. You are.... God where are you? Did you have a drug addiction? Are you here, just 30 min away? Is my brother with you....

He's fucking psychotic. He has been hacking my computer as well. I showed him the beginning of a sexy video you made for me(closed it before sexy tHings) and he got super pissed.

He told me that you were a sleazy whore, sluts like you were only good for fucking and other nasty shit. He has been pushing the idea our relationship was never real. He's done nothing but talk shit.

How long have you known him? What did you do..... He's trying to get me committed, he's doing shit against me. You are at Lutheran or st Joe aren't you. My parents and e went to visit you that day.

I heard you call my dad. I heard him say your name and when I came in he acted like it was a survey call.

R, what have they been telling you? I love you..... please... Tell me where you are. Please let me visit you. Stay away from my brother. He's turned into a piece of shit.

>>17866390
Learn to communicate, it will help.

>>17865105
Yeah, I do. You faggots are trying to make me look crazy on purpose. Blocking my communications, blackmailing my friends with threats. You think you're safe? You think that this won't come back at you? I saved all the hacked files, the libraries you used to install the streaming shit. It's proven my computer was hacked.

You might get me committed for an hour but when they see how fucked my computer was they will know something is up.

She's here in my state. That's why you're doing this. You're fucking cowards and you know it.

>17866491
I'm trying. I really am. But people get hurt in the process.

>>17866525
Literally learn to communicate

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I don't wanna commit suicide but I really wish I'm dead right now. I can't take this shit anymore.

I really hate every aspect of my pathetic life. Everything is wrong and I am trapped in this hellish existence.
I really want to die! I want to fucking die!

Me too anon.

Thanks for giving me that final push guys. Tuesday the rope gets here and I'm done. Fucking finally.

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>>17866521

The fuck is your problem? Well, I know what your problem is you schizophrenic fuck, but none of these people know you - it's all in your head. As in, the people that you know and think are replying to you are NOT here on 4chan and you're replying to random people.

You're fucking pathetic. Get some help or kill yourself (you already said you would, so..)

Make a choice faggot

>>17866794
I like how you retards started out pissy calling me a faker but now it's clear you're all sociopaths you're trying to convince people I'm crazy. Guess what dick shit there are schizo types not paranoid.

You're pathetic. Are you that jealous you have resort to these measures? Will no girl be with you unless you abuse, manipulate, and take advantage of them?

None of these worthless kids would ever look me in the eyes. They would shit them selves.

>>17866794
Also, stop pretending. Who, exactly, are you trying to convince here? Anyone that knows me knows I'm the honest one. I'm the one of worth. It's why you have to result to this in the first place. You don't compare. At all.

>>17866390
Why must you be an ahole

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>>17866848
>>17866845

Whipping my metaphorical dick out. Wanna compare?

The doctors told me 7 years.
I love you. I don't want to die alone. I'm so fucking scared. I don't have a legacy. No children, and having them now would be unfair. Nothing scares me more than dying alone and being forgotten.
But I care about you too much to let you watch it happen to me. If it gets too bad, I'll ask you to leave. I only hope you can understand and not hate me for it.

>>17866910
If you are her... please... please talk to me. Please let me see you this christmas. Please let me hold you.. I love you so much. I love you. We could easily make that 7 years 10 years. and then 15. All you need is a reason to live, a reason to fight. A will.

You know how I feel about love...

Please tell me something only I would know. Please. In chicago... what were the little pastries we got? What did I get and what did you?

Let me be there. Let me hold you... please. Where are you? Can you see me? Nothing would make me leave you. Nothing would make me think less of you. Nothing would make me not appreciate your beauty.

Talk to me please. Call the landline right now...

>>17864715
>>17865105
wtf I'm not OP
I said -Cupcake because that's what my bf calls me and I'm not comfortable putting my name on here

Sometimes I hate how obsessed I am with you

All the time I am ok with being obsessed with you. Fucking... these men are fucking with my obsession. What did they expect? For me to just give up? What, did they think I was like when I made my promise?

Did you not believe me when I said I would go through hell to hold up my word?

All a man has is his word. Without that... he's nothing.

Worthless.

Can I visit you? Can I? Can I come and beat the shit out of the people fucking with me? I really really really really would like all of that.

can you imagine the fear in their eyes when they hear I'm coming?

or... are you here, right now?

Scott... who is he?

Why am I the only one that doesn't know a fucking thing about any of this? I'm the last person in the world that would ever judge you... I'm the number 1 person you can trust. I'm your favorite person... and you're mine.

I'm terrified of you. I love you.

>>17866940

All a man has is his word.

So stop spending all of your time here on advice and take your drama to the real world where it belongs. Go figure your shitty relationship out. Figure your shitty life out. Fuck.

>>17866483
you're turning against your family for some tranny-looking bitch that wants nothing to do with you lol

>>17866949
have you not been paying attention fuckface?

The real world has people fucking cutting me off from her. I was suppose to be with her in AUGUST but sociopaths have been filling her head with horseshit in order to take advantage of her. They have beaten her. Blackmailed her. It's disgusting how much these guys have been fucking with us.

She brought it on herself though. I told her, I TOLD HER that men are this way. I told her if she EVER talked to another man the odds are he would say shit to her that would turn her away from me. Fill her head with slow burning manipulation.

I'm sorry it has come to this...

They have been hacking my computer to block all my communication with her for over a month. They have cut off my skype, my email, and my facebook. They have threatened and blackmailed my friends, her coworkers, and more. Despite the fact I'm the one she loves, the one she wishes she could spend her days with... these psychos are destroying us.

I know about the involvement of my family...

They are all lying to me and it's so fucking obvious. The way they act... like I wouldn't notice. People are fucking stupid and have NO IDEA how to lie properly. Getting angry is not what happens when someone is wrong in an accusation. Nor do they just deny everything outright, with a "What? Noooooo. Maam, No, what?"

Humans are extremely capable of reading one another. Uncanny valley works for conversations too.

>>17866952
>wants nothing to do with you
Yeah, no. She loves the fuck out of me. I am the only man in the world that she has ever truly loved.

That's why she is so scared of telling me the truth.

My family is fucking shit for lying to me. They treat me like I'm an idiot.

For fuck's sake, I GUARANTEE you fuck's were all sitting there going "How the fuck did he know that?"

You all think I ONLY get my information from THIS board.

That's why you failed at hiding this from me. You don't know me at fucking all. I have a fucking photographic memory. I remember EVERYTHING... except for the blackouts and my short term memory has been kinda shit recently.

I remember every conversation we ever had. I remember every single one of them and they swirl around my mind 24/7 where the inconsistencies pop out. Compared with other information...

Also, did you guys not know about the 4chan archive sites?

I love her. Despite all of this... she has shown me about as much love as anyone else. IL ignores me still despite KNOWING I can't communicate but only with sites like this. Or my stream. She can't believe any phone calls, any emails, anything. She knows how I feel about her, this, R, everything.

She knows I only wanted to be loved, to be honest. She knows I have tried to get better as a person. R knows that too.

I want to be loved... that's all I want. If r truly loves me then she would put forth actions.

If IL truly was still obsessed with me... she would put forth actions.

Neither one can fault me for wanting love. they both are the ones that left me... for the exact same fucking reason.

They were afraid of me. Because they loved me. They couldn't believe I would ever love them back.

Is it so hard to talk to me? To say how you feel? Why?

You all know how I feel. I want a woman that will just trust me. I'm old enough to not be a horndog. I'm just loyal as a dog.

So I haven't had a serious gf in years, since 2008, yeap...

Anyway. I rarely approach anyone to develop a relationship.

Been going to this public hang out with a theater for several weekends, lots of ppl there. Problem is, I'm 31 (even though I look much younger) and most ppl there are teens.

So, I see this girl from a distance, and she was dressed real conservative like compared to other girls around, she could have been 19 - 18 maybe.. but she was the only girl this whole time that I felt I needed to know.. I just had to know how old she was.

So I approach her and ask her just that, how old are you? she said 16...

i was like oh..woops.. well sorry from a distance you looked pretty adorable, and i thought you were much older, so yeah, sorry, God bless you I said. She sais "you too" and smiled. No harm done I thought.

So I walk away and tell my friend online about it, and I go n sit down. So I stand up and walk under this shelter, and a cop walks up to me n asks me for my ID. I told him what happened, he said it's not illegal to talk to anybody, but mistakes can happen. Mind you I haven't been with anyone sexually since forever ago, years ago. So he puts the idea in my head and makes me feel awkward as hell...

I just drove home feeling like crap over an honest mistake...never going back there.. what a fucking headache.

>>17867010

So why aren't you fighting for your love in the real world? Drive to where she is. She won't mind considering she's so in love with you, right? She's in the same state as you after all.

Lastly... I'm not takign that 7 years thing at facce value.

She is very much dying right now isn't she. You guys are trying to stop me from know that.

Can you tell her for me? Tell her to talk to me. Please...

Unless... she's out of it already.

Unless... she's already dead.

I don't believe the social media posts in the least.

Please don't leave me out of the funeral guys. Please. She knows how much...

I won't be able to do it alone though. I won't be able to take that...

I'm going to be destroyed... ruined. I... need you to recover. I do.

someone talk to me...

(I heard someone trying to get into the attic again. Did you know schizos have extremely sensitive senses? Scent, Hearing, reflex... R and IL can vouch for me on that. I have super human senses)

>>17866952
> wants nothing to do with you
>>17867010
> yeah, no
>If r truly loves me then she would put forth actions.
>continues to ignore you

kek

My therapist suggested talking to a psychiatrist, specifically mentioning I could use something for a mood stabilizer, and I'm really starting to think she nailed it. It seems like feeling alright and confident and talkative and whatever is like this switch that just flips on and off for no particular reason whenever. I'm optimistic about what could come of it, but I'm kinda worried that what I'm feeling lately could be indicative of some real problems. Idk

I wish I liked talking to people more. And that the people I do like talking to weren't such flakes/busy. And that I had anything to fucking talk about, like where do extroverted people get this shit

>>17867018
I'm not saying I don't have temptation, or that I'm a saint, but man... I just felt horrible...still do... cop asked me if i had a criminal record, I don't... so I dunno.. i went under the shelter i believe to see if that girl was even around. in my mind probably wondering how i made that mistake to begin with... she was long gone. didn't even ask her her name so pff.. but it just bothered me.. cop made me feel like a creep... bad times. he was just doing his job... but damn... doesn't take away my shitty feel.

>>17867042
they talk about basic crap mostly... which is why i rarely talk to anyone..outside of family.

No, Dad. I seriously don't want to come home for Christmas. The only reason I am is that this is my brother's last Christmas as a high schooler.

Every time I come back home there is always a fight about the littlest shit. No one likes you, and they're only playing nice so they can just forgo another fight. Mom thinks you're overbearing, and she's right when you yell about the window not being open enough. I think you're a hypocrite, and I'm right when you look down at me for once doing the same mistakes you made in college. Ben thinks you're just an asshole, and you are when you demand to edit all his college essays, over-edit all 52 of them, then say youre "doing all the work."

When you legitimately asked me "does anyone in this family like me?" I so wanted to say "no, you're a hypocritical asshole who is so overbearing everyone pretends to like you just to ignore a 3 hour lecture. There is a reason your sister abandoned you and there is a reason your dad wont speak to you anymore"

I sincerely cant wait for the day I get to my job and I get to graduate college. You said I couldn't get a job, I got one at BlackRock of all places. You said I couldn't leave the state, now I'm going across the country. I sincerely cant wait for the day I can throw my memories of you to the wind

>>17867019
I don't know where she is right now. Do you not understand that? I have gotten phone calls from a local city of a crying girl. When I found out (phone records took awhile) it was already a month later.

My family have been making SURE I don't get any more phone calls. My father hoards the phones and hangs up instantly on all calls pretty much. My brother has been hacking my computer. (plus others as well).

There are sociopaths in canada from her past she was with that hate the fact their relationships got ruined when I posted things about this situation online. People from my past as well. She ... has a mental illness. She's borderline. It went untreated for FAR too long and it ruined her life. I have a mental illness. I can't cope well with trauma.

That's why I have so much empathy for her. She is constantly surrounded by people she doesn't even like. She just so badly wants to be loved but she hates herself, thinks she's disgusting for what she does to get that love. Men are incredibly easy to win over using sex appeal but they want ONLY that. Her disorder, her person is a light that casts outward, reflecting an image mirror of those she surrounds herself with. She cannot be herself around other people.

Me... I'm a scattered, destroyed ruin of a man. I'm alone all by myself. I don't fit in with the mirrors, I scare them with my broken mind. A fractured prism that is impossible to focus. impossible to be a single identity. When she casts her light onto me it refracts into the full spectrum of beauty... her true self.

With me, she cannot ever understand how my mind words. What it is that pushes me forward. None of you can. What is it that fuels my stubborn desires.She is forced to be herself...

and she's afraid I would never love her like that.That if I left her, she would be alone by herself. No other person to surround herself with. To mask her loneliness.

She has no reason to be afraid though.

>>17867037
>ignores the fact she is borderline
>borderlines have fucked up amygdala's
>fucked up danger responders
>afraid to be alone, left be the one she truly loves.
>borderlines show less intimacy the more they start to love someone
>borderlines disappear completely when they truly love someone genuinely.

Kek

>>17867083
also... the odds they have hacked her computer too are pretttyyyy good.

They have access my friends facebooks accounts to message me, to push me away. it's obvious. They sound like completely different people, they can't even speak the correct language.

It's absolutely insane how much effort they are putting into this. For NO reason at all.

>>17867083
would you be able to distinguish her borderline tendencies you just described..with her genuinely wanting to get the fuck away from you?
At what point would you admit to yourself "wow maybe she really truly doesn't want anything to do with me. full stop." or are you really so full of yourself that you could never fathom a woman wants to leave and be done with you? I think so, based on how you talk about yourself.

I seriously think I am the only man in the entire world that would not cheat on his woman. There were times IL that I was offered. Many, many time. Each time I thought "Why? What's the point?" The guilt afterward would fucking kill me. For what? an hour at most?

I turned them down every time. Do you know how fucking EASY it is for me to get women? R hates when I say this but 10/10s? Women find it a PRIVILEGE for me to see them nude. No other man in the fucking WORLD can make a women feel as beautiful just with a single gaze like I can. Or with intimate words.

men hate me for that fact. The women I choose to be with recognize this and get jealous of everyone thinking I'm like the worthless men they were with before.

It's my word. I have no money, no material goods, not much of any wealth of the physical. But I have my word.

Sometimes I stretch the truth. I test others sometimes but I don't take it far enough to be dishonest. Not many have shown me honesty. I have been betrayed by so many. So So So many and I would forgive them all for it in the end. I'm a lover.... I love.

I want love.

I'm nothing but heart.

>>17867093
Maybe because she literally could not tell me the truth. The real reason she disappeared. "You don't love me J. You never loved me." and "I need trust in my relationship."

First... clearly I loved her.
Second... she lied all the time.

Not only that she knows I'm honest. In the past she said that she would break up with me, she would do it to my face. She refused to give me a 5 minute skype call. Something was wrong. Something in her mind or someone was manipulating her from behind the scenes. I told her all I wanted was a phone call and I would disappear from her life forever. Literally couldn't do it...

But please... tell me how much better you know her and our situation. All those other men tend to think they know more than her or I.

She will tell you I am the smartest man she has ever met. The funniest man. The most relaxing and easiest to be around... until the insecurities kick in.

She will tell

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I'll be waiting, K.

Be strong and take care of yourself.

I'll always be waiting, but I don't think I'll be waiting long, because time never stands still, you know?

E.

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Dear onision

You're fucked.

The lying is getting... obnoxious.

omg no I figured it out. omg no I knew about the other times what EXACTLY did you think I wouldn't this time either?

Like a gorram super computer. Just toss information at me and I'll spit out a most likely scenario. Wargaming.

Sometimes I don't have all the information. Sometimes I have misinformation mixed it.

Turns out... a lie is just as truthful as the truth once you know it's a lie.

The fact you guys act SO DEDICATED to that ONE belief is PROOF it's a fucking lie you stupid fucks. Reality isn't that concrete. It's fluid. It changes with new information. When I present you with new information and you STILL fucking don't change your agenda... it mean's you're lying.

Like I said before, uncanny valley. Just comes off weird. It's hard to explain but I know something is off subconsciously at first. Then that's when my mind puts all the information into the blender until something comes out.

And when I say I forgive you, I mean it. So... why still the lies? Why still the game?

Because there's MORE. There was always something more.

I have one idea. ONE. ONE MORE THEORY about a certain person... a certain man that would make all of this worth the effort of your lies. That if you did THAT...

It is that... isn't it.

>>17867146
spent the last 10 mins reading that
all I can say is: wut

>>17863542
Initials?

That all said... I'm not waiting for anyone. I'm not waiting for R, I'm not waiting for IL, I'm not waiting for anyone. I'm by myself like always.

I would love if I had love. I would love to have a friend. I literally can't contact anyone. Someone has to come to me or try to get a hold of me.

What's so hard to understand about this?

I want someone to come after me. To show they care. That's what I want. Someone honest, someone that shows they can give what I have always gave.

Jesus fuck...

This format.... takes too long to type in...

Clearly....something needs to change........

I mean, not just my desperate attempts at grabbing my once-mine pair-of-tits back to me for some reason...

Or the fact that I take up a block of interspace...

Or the fact that this is autism...

no, no...no..............

what I need to do....

IS ADD MORE ELLIPSES! :) XD

>>17863031
Sav, I like you. But I'm scared you're too much of a free spirit for me to be with. I'd have to try and tame you, and if I did that, you wouldn't be the person I like anymore in the first place.

Maybe it's still worth trying. I'm just sick of hoping to love and then hurting for it.

>>17864986
>5'8
>short
the fuck's wrong with you

also,
>this one X who had this Y trait was mean to me therefore all X's who are Y are mean.

>>17867227
you need to be put away. I hope no one else is ruined by you

>>17867146
Yeah and water is wet. How do people fall for his shit even though hes done it time after time? How is he even relivent?? This was the im a banana guy ffs

>>17866104
she sounds happy cam streaming

>>17867259
lol sure. I'm SURE that's the case.

again... who exactly are you trying to convince here? Who?

if it weren't for the incredibly aggressive hacking then you guys would have a case. But you don't. You're just trying to get me disinterested because she's being emotionally, mentally, and FINANCIALLY blackmailed to not be with me.

By a certain man.

A man that is the reason she is the way she is.

>>17867276
;)

thought of it myself.

Noice. Twy.

>>17867289
You are really unstable

>>17867295
keep saying it and it will come true!

keep saying it and he will come to doubt himself!

You're going about this all wrong dickshit. I am 100% confident in myself. I believe something, I have FAITH in that thing. You cannot, will not, be able to gaslight me on this no matter how hard you try.

There is only 1 person I will ever believe.

The problem with that you guys... she fucking sucks at lying. Especially to me.

You would have a better chance throwing hookers at me hoping I will fuck one in order to make her go hulk on me. And the odds of me wanting to fuck a random woman are 0. I look at beautiful women all fucking day. Do you think I see the superficial as sexual in any way? If I did I would be jerking off 24/7.

I need a bond with someone. A woman that I have felt love, pleasure, pain, hardship, and romance with. This is why I don't cheat. This is why, despite constantly surrounded by insanely beautiful women.... I have NO desires for them.

Shit, in college I was roommates with 4 women. She knows what they looked like. Every women, even in the workplace, feels 100% safe and relaxed around me because I just don't fucking care about that shit.

That's why she loved me so much. I know when the right time for romance and lust come into play in a relationship while all the other men act like fucking horny dipshits until they get what they want. Then they show 0 interest at all.

whoever is doing this blackmailing shit needs to stop. She's working freelance, she can live anywhere she wants. Might as well live somewhere cheap. Fuck, if we were married she would EASILY get on my insurance plan.

that was the plan after all.

my proposal when I got there.

Go ahead, keep trying your desperate ploys. I won't stop loving her. At the same time... I don't expect to see her ever again and that breaks my heart.

Doesn't mean I'll stop thinking about her. Worrying. Praying.

>>17867329
Yeah I don't really care to read all of that, you are unstable as shit

>>17867329
>despite constantly surrounded by insanely beautiful women....

didn't you say you live with your dad

>>17867331
>proves my point
You're bad at manipulation.

it doesn't matter. She's being blackmailed. No job, no insurance. No money. Takes a long while to get insurance.

Her family hated me from the beginning. I'm poor, lowerclass, and white. She's rich, nonwhite, upperclass. Her dad hates that and her mom hates it as well (not even counting how much she hates men anyways.)

My past is a god damn fucking romantics dream. Poetic in my struggle.

Her life was easy breezy until now. She was not ready for this hardship. She went from 60 to 0 in a second. Take all the struggle in my entire fucking life, compact it into a strong wall of chaos and put right in her path.

One little songbird thinks it will slow the other down... that it's taken too much and thinks it's dead weight. It's ok though because the other songbird doesn't mind taking a rest. The wren can't sing if it's constantly on the move.

>>17867350
Eh, recently. Been having hawd time.

Was suppose to be with her since september but... life kinda hit her with someone she wouldn't tell me about. Something that made her unable to afford her own apt. The plan was I would go there, pay what I could for a few months before finally being 50/50. Not being able to get there just made me super depressed. I was looking forward to it so badly

I have several theories about the money thing but at this point that's no longer relevant.

Do I really want to say? These DO sound crazy and it just gives you guys fuel to use against me. But fuck it...

lymphoma+pregnacy+alcohol/drugs(weed/opiates)=$$$$

Delivery of baby + endo treatment + hysterectomy has her saving up as much as she can. Not even going to comment on the father. I know him though. He's close to me.

Get clean off of the drugs for the babies health.

Except she's in a mental institute/prison from trying to kill herself... because of the guilt she feels for cheating on me. And/Or drug charges. She spends her time at StJ rehab/behavior treatment and l hospital for the various treatments. She doesn't know whether or not the baby will survive. (second pregnancy. First was aborted/miscarried after surgery) She tried to kill herself by stealing more pills.

The streams are pre-recorded. Pictures on instagram ect. Doesn't work at her studio anymore.

HOW'S THAT SHIT FOR CRAZY THEORY.

feels right to me though. Father is not happy with this AT FUCKING ALL. made her feel even worse.

My parents and others went to see her couple times. Planted doctor's notes. ect.

Brother printed a fake business card. I looked it up. fake

They are trying to use it to make me get off drugs too. The adderal and others. The adderall super helps me though. Without it I would get 0 work done.

This shit is ELABORATE. I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS TRUE AT FUCKING ALL OR TRYING TO START RUMORS.

The hacking has been aggressive. The lying as well. Lotta weird things have been going on.

>>17865951
Initials?

>>17867397
all started with her trying to get revenge on me for leaving her in december.

and again...got back with me in order to hurt me more.

Problem is... she learned the reason why I left her and that I still loved her the entire time. That the girl she THOUGHT I was trying to fuck wasn't what it appeared. This put her in an awful position with what she was trying to do with me.

Her psychopath friends pushed her to keep doing it though. Filled her head with horseshit and lies. Because they just wanted to fuck her. It's disgusting.

She loved me though. She never planned to fall in love with me when we got back together. But it happened and she fucking hates herself for what she's done to the one man she ever truly loved. I was her first and ONLY boyfriend. The other men just used her and never considered it a relationship.

And then... the cancer.

She acted out. She knows that type of cancer will make her infertile. She wanted a child with me so fucking badly. She did. To learn she wouldn't be able to... she wanted it badly. Hence... the cheating.

And she still wanted to be with the man she loved but STILL the fucking biased cunts she called friends kept pushing her to hurt me. pushing and pushing...

But she got with the wrong guys in her revenge. Violent, dangerous, psychopaths. That used her love for me to blackmail her. Threatened to tell me unless she was with them.

That's fucking rape, you assholes.

The blackeyes, the pushing down stairs to have a miscarriage. Just an abusive, disgusting human being.

and at one point was my best friend.

Still... she loved me. Her depression, fear of death, borderline disorder, hardship at work, the mental abuse of her sociopath friends, and of course her father's angry response...

Call me crazy, whatever. There's so much information I have have that is all NOT from this board. I never take anything here as truth.

where is the dollar menu taco bell

i just wanted one of those griller things for a dollar. instead your menu is like 50 feet away from the speaker and im not a fucking eagle how am i going to read the fine print. yall need to increase the text size. there wasn't even shit. yall hiding the good shit. i had to buy 2 shitty tacos for $4 and im still hungry. aye fuck taco bell bro

I want to break up.

I don't feel you've done a single fucking thing for us to be together. The only thing that comes out of you mouth are excuses you lazy fuck. People used to say love was going to be enough, it is not.

I'm exhausted, I can't fight for this anymore.

I'm sorry.

There is more but I left it out. It get's... pretty god damn vile... what she did. What she did it for.

She has an addiction. A bad one.

Oh, also... get rid of all of that because there is ANOTHER theory I have that I will not even mention it's so bad.

It's... the reason why she cancelled on our trip.

I hope it's not true, I do. She won't find out yet though. Not for a little while.

I would still love her if it was the case.

What her sociopath friends are doing now is trying to make me look crazy in order to make the other things I said in november not valid. it won't work though. I haven't been saying these things publicly and I WONT be saying them publicly. Ever.

And the things I said before had evidence, they were factual or enough to convince a jury. Still, I apologize for it all. I truly do. The things she said she did to me were god awful and then she tried to blame it all on me.

If she didn't listen to those same people trying to "help" her now then we never would have been in this fucking mess in the first place. Those people are fucking retards, with no values or morals.

I wanted her to face the consequences of her actions to help her with her BPD. That was wrong of me. I didn't have the whole truth. Was wrong on so many levels.

Oh well. I love you. I do.

I have one last theory... but I can't even think of it without grimacing. There's NO WAY that one is true.

Never said any of them are. The odds of non of it being true though? nahhhh. They didn't factor in the unknown factors. Bystanders that they didn't think about.

Fuck my minndddddddd. It's all I think about. All day. Ruminating constantly.

Been stressing all weekend about a missed call from a number I didn't recognise, thinking it was probably work related. Finally had time to look up the number and it was just a fucking call center.

>>17867437
I wish that was said to me if only to hear something, anything.

>>17867443
I really want to say it, but I don't know what's keeping me from doing so.

I'm just so tired, I don't want to deal with this anymore. I give up, it feels so shitty to give up.

I seriously can't find a single good reason to keep living. Everything has been shit for the last six years, and it's just getting worse.

>>17867447
shit, not only has the last 12 years of my life sucked dick, but the next few are guaranteed to suck dick.

WORSE, my entire past has been ruined as well recently.

I'm a dead man walking.

>>17867461
Sorry to hear that, man. I figures someone would have it worse than me, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I want you to know that I come up with my crazy theories because I know you're scared of telling me the truth. I just want to let you know that even if it get's that bad... it's ok. I forgive you. That it won't make me angry at you. I won't ever hurt you.

as for ICL... I know you're pretending to not care. You're pretending so fucking hard. "Yeah sure, I'm here. Whatever. Cool bro, maybe, I don't know anymore. I'm set free."

Stop it. It's obvious. Also, the reason you're hurt will never change until you actually talk about it. It's...

There is only ONE reason they are keeping me in the dark right now. They know they wouldn't be able to do it forever...

They are trying to make me miss the funeral. Preventing me from learning about it. Waiting for me to stop talking about her is NEVER going to happen. It just isn't.

You fuckers... She died on friday didn't she? The funeral... Is today. Isn't it.

You CANNOT do that to someone. Not to me. She would never... that is not in her final wishes. It can't be.

Did she leave me anything? Little J? What about the mug?

That can't be...

if that is what fucking happens and I find out later I'm killing myself for sure. There's no way in fucking hell I could live knowing I didn't get to say goodbye.

I wonder when it will end.

>>17867398
P.K.

I've spent the past few years so lonely it's like a physical ache. If I didn't love my parents and not want them to suffer, I would have killed myself, but right now I don't know what to do. I just want genuine friends. Everyone else seems so happy, and I'm just, there.

>>17867492
I know phone, pc hacked etc. but maybe you should call her and if she doesn't pick up after a few tries or call you back within a day, she is done with you and doesn't ever want to talk to you again. Have you ever considered that you might be getting ghosted?

I don't even know anymore. I could count the parts of my body that aren't fucked in some way on one hand, and it's just getting worse. Past decisions basically shat all over my chances to get an education in any of the fields I remotely care about. I can't seem to connect with people in the least. The few times I tried, I just end up a parasite. Even my family believes I don't care about them. The future used to scare me, now it just leaves me apathetic. I can't see a way to fix any of this, either because it's outside of my influence, or I fucked myself too hard by now to go back. The only two finishes I see for myself are a regular suicide or losing it and doing something ridiculous that's guaranteed to leave me dead anyway. There's nothing else. No job prospects. No friendship. Sure as fuck no love, either.

Nothing can be fixed if you don't work on fixing it, they say. But I don't know where to start, and even if I did, I'm not sure I'm worth saving.

>Friends have a "fucked up shit" group chat.
>Mostly weird porn and retard jokes.
>Boyfriend of nearly four years decides to contribute by posting a fake-out webm that goes from chicks twerking to some bitch digging her heel into a live dog's eye.
>Everybody obviously nopes the fuck out.
>He thinks it's hilarious that they 'can't take it.'

>Half an hour later he's playing videogames.
>His dad (he's nearly 30 and refuses to move) knocks on the door because boyfriend promised to go pick his uncle up from the airport, needs to leave now.
>"What?! Leave me alone! Go away! I said I'd do it!" Like a fucking toddler.

I'm so sick of this relationship. Four more months.

>>17867530
at first, yes. But then she sent me those bullshit reasons. It's clear something was preventing her from being with me and not from her choice.

Then I found out more with the hacking bullshit.

then there were the phone calls to my house. Saying things like "I want you..." and crying.

Looking back at our last skype call... she had fucking black eye. She covered it really well with the make up and I'm blind as fuck. She knows I liked to take screencaps so I could paint her.

Then her friend tells me that it could have been her calling, SHE DOESN'T HAVE A PHONE ANYMORE.

I got the phone records from ATT. They came from a hospital near by.

Recently friends of mine, GOOD friends of mine... randomly blocked me mid conversation. I got on another account... after a few minutes same thing. No explanation, nothing.

Something fucked is going on. Either she is being blackmailed... or I have no fucking clue. Maybe someone is out to kill her and she's under protection.

There is no explanation for that behavior and it's freaking me out. She fucked with the wrong people and shit is getting bad. I'm scared for her. I'm worried...

Then there is the way my family has been acting about it too. My dad is acting weird as fuck, extremely aggressive as well.

I reported all this shit online but nothing happened.

I will find out what is going on. It can't be ghosting. It might have started like that but then I think the person they got with after wanted to keep her from coming back to me. He knows he's a piece of shit, a psychopath, and fucking hits her.

Not to mention the footsteps coming from the attic. I saw my cat looking up at the ceiling so I took my headphones off and hear distinct steps coming from above. Luna cat didn't like it either. Later that night I hear the click noise of an iphone/ipod.

Bathroom light kept flickering in an odd way.

Then my fan lost power too.

Oh, also there were footprints on the roof in the snow.

Last night calling with you was the first time I've genuinely smiled or laughed in ages. Thank you.

>>17867573
>Stalker right on premise
>Does not alert authorities

Idiot.

I wish I didn't have a team of people dedicated on preventing me from talking to my woman.

N is just... not alright.

They would do this shit in middle school/high school too. Go online in MMO's and scam people for their items. They got off to how much they could scam people.

Don't trust them. You really really shouldn't. My brother would do that shit too.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Why do they get off to hurting others?

Then again, I'm doing very poorly being the way I am.

What keeps me going is knowing I'm right. Knowing that my loving heart wins out in the end. My not be this christmas, or next but I know I'll be happier with my self knowing I was a good man.

I want to stream but my computer is CONSTANTLY being bombarded by their attacks. The desperation is real. They have to be incredibly jealous.

the harder they try the more it justifies my actions. Hardens my resolve.

Limp dick is not my thing so I choose him when you sleep. Stop fapping and maybe your dick will work again.

>>17867627
You need to tell him that personally then. He will prepare himself for you.

>>17867607
because there is none. He's making all this shit up.

>>17867682
Right, she considers me the moral compass. The pure good in life. That no matter what happens, the right choice is the one I would make. I am the t in her life. Lying is not really my thing.

Speaking of which... had a dream of her as a nun in sexy AF stockings/gloves.

and of course... my a stock Jesus.

I'm going to hell.

>>17867685
You uh.
You sure there's no medicine you should be taking right about now?

>>17867687
>if I keep insulting him that'll make me look better!
Have you graduated 5th grade yet? Seriously, calm your tits. you're trying too hard.

>>17867687
I think this is all about the last woman alive that would be willing to touch him wishes he was dead so now he stalks her/makes up delusions because who in their right mind would leave such a perfect man, right?

>>17867690
>insulting
>keep
Not only am I not the same person, I am genuinely concerned, fucknut. Because either he has some issues he needs to deal with medically, or he's having a breakdown in general and could use something to calm down.

>>17867694
>>17867693
sure, I almost believe that. Again, who are you trying to convince here?

Deal with it. I feel emotions without much of a filter. It's one of the many many reasons I am her favorite person. It's one of the reasons I can do what I can. it's why she can do what she can.

I come from a world you... wouldn't understand.

were all mad here.

Had my first kiss with a girl today. I'm 26 and she is 22.

We're never going to have a decent say it thread without this tiny baby pedo stalker loon spamming it up again. We'll just have to ignore him next time

>>17867627
is your dick working again?

NEW SUPER HAPPY FUN THEORY TIME.

This entire thing was to make me feel crazy so I would stop the drugs and see a psychiatrist. She would tell people these things and knowing that I can recognize people based off of their speech patterns got them in on it too. She went through my friends list and told them what she was doing.

She thinks it's that shit that's causing this. That the reason I thought she was cheating and made those posts.

That doesn't explain everything though. The cancer. Why would someone lie about that? Also the computer hacking has been going on for way too long.

you got my brother in on it. he was pretending to be the gook person.

My mom, my dad.

Why? Why the fuck wouldn't you guys just FUCKING TALKING TO ME INSTEAD OF LYING TO ME ABOUT IT ALL.

why wouldn't she just stop being so abusive towards me? Stop lying about all her male friends. She wanted trust but... then what? would lie to me about literally everything? Can you understand how that would make someone with a traumatic past a bit on edge?

If you deliberately post things to manipulate someone into believing something... then how the fuck can you get upset when they believe it? That's a self fulfilling prophecy.

"Hey let's make him think he's crazy so he'll go get help." is a stupid fucking thing to do. Like.. FUCKING RETARDED stupid.

Why wouldn't you just... come talk to me?

I can't believe that's it. AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET HELP. None of the psychs take my insurance.

and I wasn't cheating...

and you can't get pissy about a mentally ill person take fucking medications for their illness. "Oh no he can't focus so he takes 40-60mg of adderall a day. Considerably below the normal dosage."

I only know 1 fact: Everyone in my life is lying to me. This has nothing to do with drugs or mental illness. All I wanted was to be with her. That's it. The change of view and being with my love would have cured me right up.

>>17867716
cry about it faggot you're on 4chan.

>>17867766
>and being with my love would have cured me right up.

Yup, putting all that pressure on a partner and expecting a relationship to heal you of your mental issues.
Super healthy. What could go wrong there?

>>17867766
Seriously. Manipulation. Manipulation. Manipulation>

LIES. LIES. LIES.

She had been sending photos and flirting with all these men but she didn't sleep with them. The others were added as bait and to lead me on. To "teach me a lesson." and to get me to a psych, get the derrgs out.

can you come see me today?

Please? I'm never going to get better this way. This is the fucking dumbest fucking thing you could have done. "Hey, see that who has had a lot of past trauma? Has trust issues? Let's all fucking lie to him under the guise of helping him. All he ever wanted from people was honesty. FUCK IT. LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE."

my family thinks she's no good for me and the dfrugs are badddd.

She thinks I'm a paranoid schizo that needed to be taught a lesson.

Neither one of them talked to me. Neither one of them listened to me. I loved them all and they all fucking lied to me. That's ALL I thought was happening. The phone logs. The abortion clinic. All manipulation. A fucking joke on me. Then the hacking my computer to know who I was tlaking to in order to bait me more.

I just wanted to see you... but you were getting angry at me every night. Is this also part of it? a test to see if I loved you?

I do love you...

please come home... I can do it all if people show me honesty, trust, and empathy. that's what I want...

>>17867780
thats not what I was saying.

You would have to be fucking insane to say being alone 24/7 is good for you. That fucking compassion, a physical touch once in awhile does so much more...

I just don't have anyone to be with around here. I don't give a shit for anyone here. They aren't my kind of people. I'm a FREAK of THE FREAKS. I DON'T FIT IN WITH NORMAL PEOPLE.

She fits in with normal people but feels alone. She's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. That's why we fucking work so amazing.

That's why "being with my love would have cured me right up." because she gives me the strength to go out into the world.

I give her the strength to learn more about who she is, to learn about true self. When shes with me she doesn't have to worry about entertaining me.Stress about if I'm judging her, if she's exciting enough or pretty enough or whatever. She can feel safe and loved while being alone.

This is a super common fucking concept as old as time. Opposites attract. We have a shit ton of things in common but our personalities are opposite.

Humans are social animals. We are not meant to be alone. It is not a bad thing to find comfort in others. It's a balance.

>>17867789
she was spying on me for months. Seeing that I wasn't getting much work done.

It's because... I don't know if it's true I don't. She was hiding something from me. I don't know what though. She would be aggressive, hateful, mean... it's her mental illness. She was suppose to have gotten it treated a long time ago but she never did.

Her insecurities tore her apart. She was FOR SURE I was cheating on her, I never loved her. That's what caused the aggression.

This entire thing was to fix herself, and that whole plot for me to fix myself.

Then she found those pictures and it all went to hell. I seriously didn't know about them. at fucking all. I deleted them as soon as I saw the posts.

I knew I was being hacked for the longest time...

Just another theory. The shutter island theory where she was making me live out my worst nightmares. Trying to "prove" to me that our relationship was never real because of it being online for this long.

The only reason it was only this fucking long though is because you wouldn't try darlin. You needed to get that apartment... I couldn't apartment sharp for you while I was here. I would have made my rent. For sure. Again, self fulfilling prophecy.

I love you with all my heart. I would rather this stupid theory be true than all the others.

There's no way you would have been able to sleep with all those people. NF, NH, TA, JT, JW, CC, RC, EB, CSC,(why would you say those things though?) PDZ (what's with all the captions and paintings?) PZA (stars?) H (whats with the obsessions? on purpose to trick me?) MJ (literally your neighborhood in that picture. You sat right next to him... wait... is this one real?) JC, KA, SZ, ER...

If it was just you fucking with me I wouldn't have believed it. But then the footprints? My brother in the attic?

Lies get you nowhere with people. How about showing me how BAD PEOPLE CAN BE..

YOU SHOW ME HOW GOOD THEY CAN BE.

I love you. You're my tiny baby. Fuck the haters.

Didn't show her I cared enough, I didn't invite her into my life enough, I let stupid fears block me now I have payed the price, she's gone and I'm lonely and sad. Oh well farewell Jess

File: 754a1def902e9d60cbd631184106d883.jpg (24KB, 500x407px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 500x407px

>>17866491
>>17866600

c

i miss you every day
i still dream about you
i still love you

im sorry

forever yours,
n

>>17867811
your pathetic if she fucked that many people and you want to be with her, im gonna paste something that is the truth,

The only cure to oneitis to time and interactions with other females.

What's going on is a chemical imbalance in your brain. The affection your gf gave you has come to a halt, so you need time to readjust to not having her in your life.

Don't contact her, don't look at her social media, focus on yourself right now. Do pushups, try harder at work, play guitar, etc.

If you want your ex back and you got dumped, the only thing you can do is tell her that you want to work things out, but if it's not what she wants then you hope things work out with the new guy. Be positive, but walk away and don't look back.

If you chase her, she'll never get back with you. If you disappear completely, eventually the new guy will fuck up and she'll likely text you to meet up.

Oneitis is a lie and you need to fix yourself you fucking clown.

>>17867811
And you don't believe me at fucking all do you songbird? About my schizophrenia?

You don't. That was always you saying that wasn't it... You think it was the drugs. Really? Because of Joe? and IL?

Fucking IL KNOWS FOR A FACT I HEARD VOICES BEFORE I TOOK ANY DRUGS AT ALL. She KNEW THAT. She was with me for years before I tried anything. In 2013.

since then I have tapered down to nearly nothing. and again... the adderall was BELOW an adults fucking daily dosage. FAR BELOW.

the others are bad, yes. Still, Joe was taking a dozen a day. The shit I took was...akin to MAYBE 3. Whole reason I tried them was an alternative to antidepressants. Fucking zoloft, prozac, wellbutrin, effexor, and half dozen others all did nootthinnnnggggg for me.

Ever since about 2002 I have been excruciatingly depressed. I haven't enjoyed a fucking thing in so long. I told you this, remember? Do you not remember me talking about this very thing while we played RE?

I feel ONLY pain, sadness, or love. I don't feel pleasure, joy, happiness, or ecstasy. James was kinda right about " he get's his pleasure from pain."

I feel nothing all fucking day. I don't have you, I don't have my love. I would rather feel pain than fucking nothing at all. I'm so incredibly numb that when I feel love it overtakes my entire mind. Or when I feel pain...

You might not believe me, I don't care. I have schizophrenia. If literally any of you involved did 10minutes of research you would know this. It's obvious. The drugs didn't cause my withdrawal and numbing... they are a side effect of my mental illness.

Leaving me like this... of course you didn't think it would hurt me the way it did because you lack the ability to see from my perspective. You literally can't. You have NO idea how my mind works. None of you do. That's why you had NO fucking clue what to do in your mind games. just trust me...

So can you come home to me now? I have been tapering already. Instead of push can you lend me a hand?

>>17867843
You don't know me mang. Interactions with females is all I have had in my life.

I just liked this one a whole lot... Women fucking throw themselves at me. I just don't want them.

I'm pretty sure she didn't sleep with that many. It got to the point where I noticed a trend of new people coming in and them all having to be related to me? Half the people in this very thread are posts geared to manipulate me.

Either she is trying to make me go crazy so I get psych help OR she is trying to make me HATE her so I wouldn't want to be with her anymore.

is that what it is? Do you NOT want to be with me? have you been trying to help or to push me away? The fact that my family have been acting the way they have indicated something suspicious was going on. Blackmailing, threats...

Why couldn't you just tell me? I told you... a 10 minute phone call would have prevented ALL of this. Prevented SO MUCH work.

Communication darlin...

Do you just want to be FWB?

When people posted "I can't say I love him anymore... because it means something different now." I said "when a girl says that it means they want the love and affection but are unable to resist sleeping around."

Those posters said "Not at all!"

I asked those posters what they meant they said "I meant it as "I truly love them now. I was falling in love before, but now I really am."

Did you just say that because you're afraid to break my heart? Because you hate that I'm right?

Why say "You never loved me J."?? why say "I need trust in my relationship."??

What is it? Do you love me as romantic or as a lover?

Were you taking this time to find out? As well to help me? To get ICL in here when you :broke my heart"?

Have you been with anyone else? Who are you spending your christmas with?

My family is still fucking with me.

please say something. This is cruel. I don't know what's going on other than I'm being fucked with by several groups of people and it hurts. If you just want to be friends then sure

>>17867868
and again... I CAN'T HELP IT I HAVE TO ASK QUESTIONS FUCK.

You think I'm just "nosy?" Really? That all those things you did weren't... incredibly suspicious? The boots stuff? all of it? That you aren't exactly truthful to me ever?

God.... why can't you just talk to me? I have asked you a million times "what is wrong." "why is this happening" and I get no response.

It's because I have been hacked and they ARE blocking my emails. Someone IS stopping me from communicating from others. You fucks can't sit there and go "HES CRAZY HE'S ATTACKING AN INNOCENT GIRL" while ACTIVELY PUSHING AWAY EVERY SINGLE PERSON I HAVE EVER FUCKING KNOWN.

causing me insane amounts of stress and anxiety.

God, stop the manipulation all of you.

R.... just fucking tell me please. Where are you? What is going on? Will I EVER see you again? If you're with someone else then you need to stop these mind games. You made me make that promise. Then you gave me a bunch of bullshit reasons. Then all the hacking bullshit clearly indicated that NONE of the messages I sent you reached you. That you couldn't talk to me either. That SOMEONE SOMEWHERE didn't want us to be together.

Was it you that planned the hacking?

are you safe? are you ok?

I love you, I do.

if you just want to be friends... fine.

if you want to be more, yay.

None of you that are in on this can say "Well hes just on here too often guys." when.. you have fucked up my computer, fucked up my social media, and fucked up my phone line.

When a woman tells you "promise to never let me go because you're perfect and it's my mental illness that's mean.", when she says "YOU never loved me" as breaking up, when a group of people KNOWN to lie, cheat, and manipulate others to get what they want hack my computer... when you have black fucking eyes one of the last times we talked...

what... exactly...should I have thought based on this info? Cus to me... it looks like blackmail and abuse/

I'm taking a huge hangover shit

>>17867446
>>17867437
I see messages like this and I think "that can't be her. It can't. How could she say "I don't feel you've done a single fucking thing for us to be together" when... I have been sitting here fucking worried sick about you. WORRIED THAT YOU'RE HURT, OR HAVE CANCER LIKE YOU FUCKING TOLD ME."

"Only excuses come out of your mouth you lazy fuck." Again... what? What do you mean excuses? Are you saying because I haven't gotten ANY work done over the last few months R?

really? reaaaally? I TOLD YOU. GOD. PLEASE BELIEVE ME. THIS IS KILLING ME BABY. I TOLD YOU I CAN'T WORK AT FUCKING ALL RIGHT NOW. MY MIND IS EXPLODING WITH QUESTIONS DEALING WITH ALL OF THIS MANIPULATION.

IF YOU WANTED ME TO TRY TO GET TO YOU THEN YOU NEEDED TO COMMUNICATE THAT WITH ME.

You needed to talk to me, to answer my questions. To let me know what was going on BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS. WHY DO YOU NOT FUCKING BELIEVE ME. WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHY HWY.

It's killing me. This is torture for me. I can't think my BRAIN IS CLOGGED THE FUCK UP.
ALL OF MY ACCOUNTS HAVE BEN HACKED. I DON'T RECIEVE ANY EMAILS FROM YOU OR ICL OR ANYONE FOR MONTHS

All my eails I have sent to you have been of love and wanting to be with you. Any ohers ARE FAKES.

" I can't fight for this anymore. "
What have you done? Please... what? You haven't even said a single word to me...

You aren't talking to me at all. I have no idea if you EVEN WANT ME. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU EVEN ARE.

MY FAMILY HAE BEEN STOPPING ME FROM BEING WITH YOU.

FUCKING CHRIST PEOPLE PLEASE LAVE ME ALOE. PLEASE JUST LET ME TALK T HER FUCKING CHRIST I LOVE HER STOP PREVENTING ME FROM BEING WITH HER.

God... I just have questions and no cmmunication at all. What is going on? WHT THE FUCK PLEASE.

I love you.

If this is you... then this is cruelty. To say I haven't been trying? Because I haven't been working? To say I'm lazy? Do you have nay IEA how hard this is for me? I have called psychs, none take me... insurance...
JAW

Hey J,

I know you're hurting.

You might not know it. You might be ignoring it.

Your new boyfriend, you didn't go to him because you thought you might love him. You went to him because you need relationships to feel good about yourself. You need someone to soak up the pain you feel in yourself.

You use relationships to cope. To deal with the fact that you truly do hate yourself because you can't keep a relationship.

You never deal with them. Every time you leave someone you push your feelings of them back and never solve anything. You never think, talk, or do anything to make yourself feel better about yourself after breaking up other than trying to find someone new so you can feel good about yourself again.

I know you're hurting. I know you do all this because you never validated anything after you left me.

Your pain will turn to be a lot worse, J. That isn't a threat. That's life. If you never learn how to pull yourself together and stop using boyfriends as a way to feel good about yourself you'll NEVER feel good about yourself. You'll forever be caught in this cycle. Guy after guy will tear you down. And after every guy, instead of waiting, helping yourself, and healing, you'll just try and find another one because you can't live with just yourself. And after every guy, it will only get worse. Each breakup a step you take towards your destruction.

You deserve the absolute best from the universe, J. You're unique. You're special. You're beautiful and deserve to be loved in a million ways. Nothing in the universe should be allowed to take anything from you. You only deserve the best.

I know I could never promise you I could give you the best of the universe. I've made mistakes, as you've seen. Small ones we talked over, a big one that separated us. I can't give you the best, but I can promise I would have stayed with you through the worst.

>>17867902
Will your new boyfriend be there for you? Will any of them?

Will they call you beautiful when you're crying?

Will they tell you you're worth it when you feel you're not?

Will they touch the scars on your waist and tell you that you're strong?

You're only ruining yourself, baby girl. You're only digging your own grave. You've been through two or three guys since you've left me and none of them are going to tell you what you need or be there for you when you need them.

I don't know if I'll be able to be there for when you need me.

I've loved you from afar, but it's been too long. It's only hurt me.

I'm only giving myself this one chance. I can't keep feeling pain watching you try and fight yours. I can't keep seeing you try to show that you're happy when secretly inside you're dying. I can't keep watching you try to love when I know you're only doing it to mask the pain.

You'd only try again with me to mask the pain again.

But I can take it. Or at least I can try. I would hurt for you, give my all for you, listen to you, talk to you, do anything I could I show you that you matter in this universe whether it's with me or after me. I may not be able to. In fact I will probably fail. But I would try. I would never leave during the worst times. I would hold you up during the best.

Like I said J, you deserve the best.

I only have one shot. I'm going to make it count.

>>17867896
If that's you...

How could you be so heartless? How could you ignore the fact that my brain has been filled with a million questions. That SCHIZOPHRENIA LITERALLY PREVENTS PEOPLE FROM BEING ABLE TO WORK BECAUSE OF THIS.

And my family have been against me. and people have been hacking my computer... and..

I miss you...

I love you..

I'm so fucking stressed out I want to fucking die so badly. I don't deserve this. I don't. I'm sorry I can't work...

I would have been able tow ork if you talked to me. told me what this was all about. Please...

People have been trying to push us apart. Actively blocking my communications with you.

I'm unable to talk to you? Why? Why are you doing this?

is this your father's doing? Does he just hate me? Is he trying to set you up with... his favorite?

have people been telling you I was lying about my mental illness? have they been telling you I was being manipulative? Have they told you I was fucking anoyher woman? Have they been telling you nasty shit about me?

what do people expect of me?

I love her... she loves me. we would be so fucking happy together but instead just manipulation going on fucking everywhere.

Come to indiana PLEASE. I can't email or social media or anything.

are you even there?

do you not believe me about the fact I have been so fucking worried about you that I can't do anything other than worry? I sit here hoping to hear from you... I watch my window...

I try to paint I try to work but if you just told me what was going on I could have done... please...

I'm tired too. I just want to hold you and love you forever.

Put your little hand in my coat pocket.
kiss your bangs into the sky

Fuck people saying I'm crazy. I DO want to be with her but I'm so worried that she's being fucking held against her will based on all that's happened to me. The hacking, blocking emails, skype, facebook... my friends disappearing,

>>17867905
>>17867902
>I only have one shot. I'm going to make it count.
Then go to their door and say all of this to their face.

if you truly feel that way don't sit there HOPING they will come to you.

shes dead isn't she...

she died friday didn't she...

the lymphoma...

she died...

>>17867943
Yes, now go to fucking bed.

>>17867948
no fuck everyone.

it was because of my fucking brother isn't it.

she... fucking...

trying to fucking hide this from me because she couldn'tdecide who to be there and I... god fucking you mother fuckers.

Agh, my fucking ADD is getting to me.
Worst part is that I don't know if I have ADD and my mother doesn't want to pay for a professional because she thinks I don't have ADD. I am not sure though, I might, I might not.
The problem though is that I want to learn computer stuff, and I've gathered a bunch of books that I want to read to git gud at this. But the subjects are so varied, and something inside me goes full autistic with "I want to master this and only this for now!", I wipe the books from my tablet (where I read no bully pls I still havent got around to buy a kindle) and keep the one that fires my autismo. Then my ADD kicks in after reading ~5 pages, I rest for a while and I start thinking of the other subjects or I come to technical discussion boards and be reminded about the other subjects and then my autism fires, and the loop repeats. I jump from subject to subject and I advance a little bit in each and I could allocate some time for each subject but this autism always kicks in (also note I use "autism" figuratively).
What I want is to find a worthwhile subject that'll keep me entertained for hours and reach mastery at that.....
I want adderall too

>>17867966
that was the code wasn't it. NO.

you fucking...

you mother fuckers... why? why did he ?

Why did he fucking do this to me? my own fucking family?

I'll fucking fk why

>>17867971
I fucking SAW THAT MOTHER FUCKER DRIVING AWAY JUST NOW AND HE WAS SITTING OUTSIDE IN HIS FUCKING SUV FUCKING WITH MY COMPUTER SO I COULDN'T TALK TO HER

>>17867975
who would do that. WHY. YOU FUCKING I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU FUCKING CHRIST

>>17867980
THEY HAVE BEEN FUCKING BLOCKING ME FROM TALKING TO HER THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME SO HE COULD FUCKING I SWEAR TO FUCKING OGD

There's this crazy guy posting at a ludicrous pace and I can't decide if I'm more annoyed about it or worried about his well-being.

>>17868036
Personally, I, as a frequenter of this board AND this particular thread, am very much annoyed and hope to god that certain staff clean this shit up or prune this thread so a real one could be made.

You know, real as in for everyone to post in. Not one guy/two guys hogging the thread LARPing this shit.

Unlike the other times I saw LARPing at its own threads (for example, a sister has a crush on her own sister, and that was a series here), this pisses me off.

>>17867920
Thinking about it anon. But going to someone's door to tell them they're unhappy seems like suicide. J truly believes she's happy and she very may well be. But once her current bf leaves (I Facebook stalked the crap out of him. Dudes a piece of shit and hasn't kept a relationship for over a month) she'll be torn down and will quickly try and jump on someone else and the cycle of unhappiness will continue and get worse.

It hurts watching someone you love do this to themselves and I either want to be there for J and help her out of this cycle, or just look away.

I have to think about myself in this. I'm only going through more pain and robbing myself of more relationships by trying to enter J's life again and knocking her out of this loop. And if I fail I've only wasted my time.

My unprofessional bet is if I look away and let her keep doing this, she'll be depressed and unrecoverable, or dead, within five years.

Whatever I do now will make an impact. So I hope I make the right choice.

>>17868049
>>17868036
you guys can just fuck off.

This shit is fucking real. My own fucking brother has been sitting outside the house every fucking night preventing me from talking to my GF because she had revenge sex with my old best friend and is fucking guilty as fuck feeling and dying of fucking cancer.

And they have been fucking HIDING THIS FROM ME.

>>17868089
Hes a manipulative piece of fucking shit and he has been FOREVER. THAT'S ALL HE FUCKING DOES.

HIS "WIFE" IS GOING TO TELL ME FOR SURE AKA GOOK POSTER.

>>17868100
>>17868089
AND my fucking brother.

AND him... just...

FUCKING IRIS COME HERE NOW.

>>17868062
Just come over iris.

Just come over please.

I'm so tired. No more games. No more bullshit.

Just come over please.

>>17867397
It is insane the amount of crap your poor brain si making you believe. Seriously man, get treated before this escalates and you end up hurting yourself or worse, soneone else. The girl is as happy and living a normal life as it can get, do not blame her for running away from you.

>>17868089
>>17868100
>>17868102
>>17868108
I can't even comprehend what you're typing right now, holy shit.

Seriously, you should get checked out.

>>17868108
anyone that would put me through this much turmoil is fucking ridiculous. To watch me on my webcam cry every night?

I want love. Not fucking mind games.

You know what the game is I don't. I have NO emails anymore, my skype is broken, and all my friends blocked me for NO reason at fucking all. They were even FOR my crazyness, they were understanding. One second they were talking normally next I was blocked.

Threats, blackmail, manipulation.

Fuck if you are even here I don't know. This could all be a fucked up test because I had that photoshoot of you still on my backup drives. To see if I still had feelings for you.

of course I do. I told her I did.I lived with you for 4 years.

I miss you.

Come over right the fuck now, even just as friends.

R clearly lied to me 2 years ago.

I want no more lies.

>>17868118
shut the fuck up faggot. You have NO idea the amount of bullshit I have been through these last 2 years. Fucking NONE. I have been patient, loving, forgiving...

and yet... this is my payment because I fucked up. Because I got pushed over the edge and was expected to take all the fucking blame.

Yet... it was all her fucking actions that caused this mess in the first place. It was her cheating and abused that caused me to leave that december.

And all you manipulative cunts in the background.

>>17868152
Can we ban this faggot already?
Start your own fucking thread with your insanity.

>>17868130
you're clearly the samefag over and over.

>>17868152
BPD or not...

What she has been doing to me is unacceptable. I have my own mental illness to take care of. I have been MORE than compromising. I have. She has been take take take...

because I didn't have enough money right at the start? Even though I took those years of abuse? She couldn't give me just... a months relaxed period?

Whatever. This is all bullshit. You're all fucking with me.

I love. that's what I do but I can't love the shadow impressions of people that refuse to talk to me in person.

The fucking hacking, the manipulation, the lies...

would it kill one person in the entire world to show they cared? to show they are honest?

A person that shows me that is worthy of all my love.

and hard hard sexy times.

>>17868167
Technically, he did, by stealing this thread and mutating it to fit his wants.

and just... whatever. I CAN'T RECEIVE EMAILS. I CAN'T RECEIVE SKYPES. I CAN'T RECEIVE FACEBOOK MESSAGES.

I can't do fucking anything but post on this shitty ass fucking board while she would complain about this shit herself all the time. Then she would come at me every morning with a list of posts she said were mine.

Then she takes away ALL my communications, literally EVERYTHING BUT THIS BULLSHIT... and people wonder why I post so much.

Stop sitting there discussing what you want to do and just do it already.

If shes dead? If that was a funny prank?

if she wants me? Sure, I love her. She treats me like shit though.

ICL, I love you before your jealousy consumed you. If you can work on that, I can work on my own bullshit. Trust me... I have already come a long ways with the issues you had with me.

if R thinks that's CHEATING... while she has been obsessing over god knows how many men up there in canada?

whatever. Who cares. Life is hard. LIFE IS COMPLICATED. I UNDERSTAND THAT. THAT IS WHY I'M EMPATHETIC TO YOUR ALL ISSUES.

Now be empathetic to mine and realize that everyone in my entire fucking life has lied to me.

and I didn't KEEP pictures of I ON PURPOSE. FOR JERKING IT. OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.

but I do remember many many many good times. and I have not been on the receiving end of love in a very long time.

To say I miss her? Yes, I do.

It's up to her to decide what to do with that information.

or you.

or anyone.

Kill me for liking a woman's company. You left me, what do you want? me to be single forever?

Fuck... I have been single for over a year now if I went by RECEVING love as a measure.

so...
snugs, art, movies, biscuits and gravy, and war movies. That's what I offer. With love of course. and extra gravy.

I'm done. You guys can go play your shadow games so more if thats all this is.

this nutjob needs to be institutionalized stat

please get help

you need to get off the computer buddy

Are you in crisis? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at +1 (800) 273-8255.

For the first time in my life I have the chance to do some real good in this shitty world. Swallow your pride and let me help you, please.

can we consider these posts as spam???

Lol you guys are so fucking obvious. You have been filling her head with horse shit for years. Seriously, you're all fucking shit people and should kill yourselves asap.

I might be emotional, unstable but whatever. I'm honest, I'm loving, I'm intelligent, I'm creative as fuck and no matter how hard you try to put my worth down you will never win. Millions of people know me. Thousand idolize me. Suck my fat cock.

Seriously.

I'm waiting.

Those vitaminss work really good btw.

>>17868049
Agree!

>>17868152
All I see is blah blah blah... Man... Stop clogging the threat with your nonsense, seriously, you need professional help.

I already called your fags end goal. The only way you could get rid of me is to make me look paranoid enough to get committed. But again, it's not paranoia. The hacking is easy to prove. You fags leave way way too much evidence.

And again.... people like my insanity. Both I and r are fucking fascinated by my mind. Thousands are. I made a fucking psychiatrist cry the last time I went.

>>17868312
Fuck off nova

I know that he is my friend but there seems all these things stopping us being properly friends
And I can't fix them

Life breaks our hearts, when do we get to fix each other?

Maybe when pixar stumps up we'll be able to do something decent ?

>>17868372
Had you even consider all those viruses and whatever your computer has are result of normal browsing? Man, my computer has to be cleaned odten because of this. Get a good antivirus and please go to bed. Your nonsense is reaching epic scary scales by now.

>>17868379
It's not. They went online to my Facebook to unlock specific posts I had locked away that werent nice but wanted to show her later. They have been actively doing everything they can to stop me from talking to her.

She didn't know our commissions were cut. Maybe she does. Maybe she's spending time with each person, one day at a time until she passes. If all I get is a phone call I will be a bit pissed. I deserve more than that. So much more.

She needs to know how hard these people have been working on attacking me. She needs to not trust any of them. Not my brother, father, and maybe even my mother. The only way is for her to come to my door. And be persistent.

>>17868374
What kind of things?

>>17868411
she's not dying you stubborn drama queen. Told you herself she was fucking with you. she's a venomous snake who likes watching you squirm under her foot.

>>17868411
oh baby...

is that what is going on...

Giving everyone...

I would be there for you until the end. Please... if that's just what this is, if you don't think I would have been there if I knew more...

If that is what's going on You will not be along for a single second... I love you.

>>17868411
Mmmmm... There are some settings in fb that sometimes do crazy shit. Maybe have a look at them? It is not that I don't want to believe you, but little by little your stories get hollywood movie material and make it so hard to try to be empathetic with you. I had bfs that went bonkers with me just because I did want something different in my life and they weren't supportive. Why not try this? Go out for a long long walk, breathe slowly and deep, get a sketchbook and draw random stuff, try to give yourself a little me time. Itwill be difficult but it will help little by little. Maybe your friends ate blocking you because they feel threatened by your behaviour? You are just focusing on your side, but it will be pretty scary to be next to someone this unstable and threatening anyone trying to say a different thing. Maybe you really are having a very bad time dealing with your own toughts, even if you are unable to find professional help for whatever reason I read up there someone telling you to call a crisis line. There are lots of free help out there that you can reach. Hope you feel much better soon.

>>17868439
>old you herself she was fucking with you. she's a venomous snake who likes watching you squirm under her foot.
No, she didn't.

I don't believe a god damn thing posted on here that's obvious. I told her to answer that question about chicago and got nothing as a reply.

You also don't understand how I work, anon. I have taken more bites from venomous snakes than you could possibly imagine. if she bites me, she will die from the poison already in my blood.

And if she's doing that... I know for a fact she will be the one in anguish for years to come. That's not what I want but I know that the last thing she wants is to lose my love.

I just hate this hacking bullshit. I can't talk to a single soul. They have completely isolated me. It's pretty shitty but I'll find out why eventually.

>>17868447
>Maybe your friends ate blocking you because they feel threatened by your behaviour?
I know this isn't the case at all. One of them was helping me with getting the malware from my computer and then out of nowhere stopped responding and then blocked me. I have NO idea what they are telling these people to have them do that.

It has to be serious. The extent of it all...

I've tried to keep busy, I have. It's impossible with how my mind works. Just... absolutely consumes me.

I can't deal with not knowing what's happening. I don't trust anything I see online about her. The hacking is so fucking elaborate, my own family being so fucking weird... It has to be something serious.

Everyone knows how much I loved her. They know how I would never stop thinking of her. I hope she can come visit me for christmas, or at least christmas eve. I hope she gives me time to clean up too because... I'm a fucking wreck right now. I have been for awhile.

I am so insecure. I hate it.

>>17868482
Again Anon, reaaaaly trying down here to be as gentle and understanding. You say you are schizo? The feelings of something beibg wrong and having the world conspiring against you is a symptom. Have you honestly stop what are you doing now and put yourself on others shoes for a minute? If your friend left you out of the blue might be because you scared him or he saw something he was not comfortable with while talking with you? Again, you say you love her but at the same time talk trash about her and whenever someone tells you she is doing ok you attack that person. Maybe she blocked you and doesn't really want to havr anythibg to do with you anynore. Maybe you scared her? Maybe the constant posting when you were hurt kinda also help her friends to try and protect her in their own way. Give it time if you really love her, give yourself some time. You deserve it. Please try not to be pissed with me.I am really trying to help you.

>>17868528
Yeah, and he keeps insisting he's not a "paranoid type schizo" (which doesn't make sense, paranoia is the biggest symptom/trait/tell of someone with schizophrenia, but ok...
Yet he hears people on the roof, he swears everyone is plotting against him, swears his own family is against him, swears people are hacking him.
You're paranoid as all fuck dude.

>>17868482
sometimes...

I think the hacking is so she can see me. So that she is watching me from my webcam. It helps her get through her days...

at least that thought helps me get through mine.

>>17867397
Tell us about the fake doctors note and "planted business card". And your family going to see her? Doesn't she live in Canada? You said you live in Indiana. Is your family in Canada?
None of this makes sense.