How do I be more casual with women

>>17765761

try being independent for awhile. at most, focus on brotherhood.

>>17765874
Actually I spend most of my free time with my friends because I can't stand being by myself?

Should I start forcing myself to be alone more?

>>17765885

not forcing per se. the independence I talk about is a bit more philisophical and spiritual.

if you cant stand to be alone, you should reflect on why. some people really are just social creatures, but like dr. suess says, alone is something you will be often. you might as well learn how to enjoy that.

>>17765894
>you should reflect on why

Lots of reasons I guess. I think about the things that bug me a lot more when I'm alone. Being around the people I connect with is one of the few things that gives me joy.

>>17765904

>one of the few things that give me joy

then you should fix that. there are lots of things that generate joy. if you narrow it down to
>one of the few

then you are being an edgelord, imo. you're making your life out ot be more tragic than it is.

there's so much to enjoy, and if you have the time to worry about
>tfw no gf

then you have a nice enough life to enjoy those things.

>>17765911
Lot's of the things that used to give me joy don't anymore. For example, vidya used to make me super happy. I used to be able to spend countless hours playing games and be on cloud 9. Now they barely serve as a distraction.

>you're making your life out ot be more tragic than it is.

Probably, since college started I've been feeling pretty down. Everyday I come here I get this feelings that my life could be so much more but it isn't. I don't really have the people skills or the confidence to pull off anything ore than I have either.

>if you have the time to worry about
>>tfw no gf

I can't help how girl crazy I am, it's so automatic. I see attractive girls all around my campus and it drives me crazy (not that I have the balls to talk to them). I've also had feelings for the same girl for well over 2 years, and even though the chances of anything happening between us are pretty much nil at this point I can never bring myself to let go. My mind can't get out of the negative, it's hard to enjoy life when you can't stop thinking about how shitty you feel.

>>17765944

skills are not something you are born with.

stop thinking about having enough or being capable enough, just go do. thats all it takes.

you dont have the skill to make a movie until you've made at least 5 movies.

>>17766004
The problem is living my life the way I want to, in a way that would actually make me happy just feels so confusing. I'm not actually sure what I could/should be doing. I feel like such a mess of anxiety, insecurity and depression that I just feel so unbelievably lost

>>17766016

>im not sure what i should be doing

whatever you want.

>i feel like a mess of anxiety, insecurit and depression.

leave those behind.

>>17766016

https://youtu.be/pWRJAHaOrYg?t=113

>>17766029
Is this supposed to pump me up or are you implying I'm probably an edgy 12 year old

>>17766025
>whatever you want.

I have no fucking clue what that is though

>leave those behind.

Moving on from issues I've had since grade 5 isn't as easy as saying "I'm just gonna not be depressed now"

Practice hitting on fat women. They'll love the attention, just don't go full retard and actually fuck one. They are there for practice only

>>17766053
What if I find bigger women attractive too tho?

>>17766044

>is this supposed to pump me

I'm a fan of the song and the whole 'forget the fear its just a crutch that tries to hold you back and turn your dreams to dust' felt relate able.

the song is about a prostitute that jesus bestowed forgiveness on.

>>17766044

>whatever you want
>I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT

you're thinking too broad man, im not sasking what will fulfill you and you have to pursue forever, just do what you want. this week i want to play dodgeball, and flirt with a girl.

>moving on from issues is not as easy as just saying something

nothing ever is as easy as just saying something mate.

if thats your biggest complaint than you need to grow up.

>>17766066
>you're thinking too broad man

Fair, but lately I've noticed that loafing around doing fuckall is all I've had the energy or the drive for. I don't know whats been going on, but despite a desire for a better life I just keep falling back into the same shit that makes me miserable

>nothing ever is as easy as just saying something mate.

Yeah I know, but they feel like such overwhelming problems I don't know how to deal with it.

Living my life in a way that might actually make me happy just feels so goddamn out of reach. I don't know whats going on with me. Why I can't just go out and apply the advice I get to my life? Why does it seem like I constantly look for reasons I can't do things? How did I grow into something so pathetic, with no drive or motivation pushing him forward?

>>17766089

>i dont have the energy.

then take a break. go into maintanence mode and isntead of focusing on things that require drive, do fuck all... but do it without the idea of something bigger and productivel ooming over your head. take a staycation and just do something stupid, crazy, fun, or just nothing at all... just do it without the 'I SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT' leaning over your head.

>noithing ever is as easy as just saying something
>yeah i know, BUT-

but nothing. there is no but. you either know, or you dont.

stop being a defeatist.

>IT JUST FEELS SO GODDAMN OUT OF REACH

thats manlet talk, you can reach any cookie jar you want man.

stop trying to paint your life as intrinsically tragic. you need to want ot be happy

beyond that I Can't help you. you clearly dont want to help yourself.

>>17766102
>just do it without the 'I SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT' leaning over your head.

That's actually not a bad idea. Although I find myself loafing around quite a bit as is. Will this change in mindset really make that much of a difference?

>beyond that I Can't help you. you clearly dont want to help yourself.

Sure seems like that doesn't it? I have no clue whats going on with me that's holding me back so much.

>>17766125

>will this change of mindset make that much of a difference.

it might., it might not. you are the most powerful force in your own life, and to be honest from what I'm read, you are your own biggest obstacle as well. what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? one side of you needs to relent here.

so take a break. dont quit your job or school if you can't afford it, but outside the absolutely necessary, take a break. get off social media, quit your extra curriculars, and just do nothing. tell everyone you're finding yourself. scratch every itch you have, then spend an entire day doing nothing but controlling those impulses.

and most importantly, GO OUTSIDE.

>i have no clue whats going on with me

you need to stop thinking that you're supposed to be omniscient.

my day job is managing a psychic. by night i work on independent films. for fun i play dodgeball.

none of this was planned ,none of this was something i thought 'THIS IS MY DESTINY AND I NEED TO WORK TOWARDS'.

i just saw what was in front of me thought 'what would i like to do' and then i did it. if i have a curiosity i chase it.

one week i wnated to learn animation. so i downloaded animation studio and taught myself. another week, game design, rpg maker, game maker, etc. then 3d animation and learning how to design clothes for 3d models.

whatever i want to do, i do. and when im done and its not going where i want, i drop it and return to the baseline of filmmaking.

>>17766136
Wow this has been some of the most insightful shit ever told to me.

I wish I could just drop school and "find myself", unfortunately my parents still have a lot more say in my life then I wish they did and that would be a NIGHTMARE to explain to them.

My schooling keeps me pretty busy to. End of the semester is here and shits getting crazy. I feel like this is something I should be thinking about when things slow down for me a little

>GO OUTSIDE.
I'm definitely indoors an awful lot. Probably doesn't help my mood.

This is wierd, it feels like I need to completely overhaul my entire sense of self to be happy, just change my every attitude into something that isn't so... self destructive I guess. It's all so confusing.

>>17766136
Man I wish I could get my thoughts on all this into words better, would make these conversations more helpful.

>>17766200

>its all confusing

make it a GOOD confusing, not a hard confusing.

think of life like a video game. you dont get depressed when it gets harder, thats when the game gets FUN cuz you know you're onto something great. face your challenges, and be happy to face them.

>Spirit walk

you may not be able to quit school, but like i said, you can make that your only REAL priority and spend the rest of your time finding yourself. and if not then, take the summer off. just remember that adhering to what people, parents, and school says means nothing if ur miserable and fuck.

>go outside

it helps a lot. we are meant ot be outside. if you got homework that doesnt require internets, go outside and do it in the park, under a tree, anywhere.

>i need to overhaul mysense of self to be happy

and thats not a bad thing. you're starting to understand. its percalating in your brain, i can see it in the way you're talking. it happened to me too, when i first realized what i was doing wrong.

my boss likes to say 'pain is what happens when expectations meet reality... and only one of those can change'.

>>17766228
>you dont get depressed when it gets harder

Is "wahh life is hard" really all there is too my misery? It always felt like so much more.

>face your challenges, and be happy to face them.
This is a big one for me. I find I get scared by challenges and often avoid them/put it off because of said fear. I notice this in my schooling a lot when it comes to big assignments. I don't get excited for the big end of the year programming project. I get scared, I dread it, I guess I get worried about the "what if I don't get it"

Oddly enough, in my communications class we're talking about public speaking and learning about dealing with anxiety (as public speaking can scare a lot of people). We watched a video on instead of trying to relax yourself when your anxious tell yourself "I am excited" over and over again, I guess it just helps get you pumped for doing the thing that scares you.

>you can make that your only REAL priority and spend the rest of your time finding yourself.

Schools going to have me so swamped in the near future that I won't have time for much else, but I guess sometimes you just gotta buckle down and work. Can't be helped. Schools been bringing me down a lot too but I think I'm just sick of all the homework.

>if you got homework that doesnt require internets

Even if I do, my house has a really really nice deck I could chill and work on. It's getting colder outside though (I live in Canada) so that' isn't much of an option

>pain is what happens when expectations meet reality... and only one of those can change

So did I just set an unrealistic expectation for how my life should be?

I'm trying my best to wrap my head about all this. I know I may seem a little idiotic, stubborn and lazy, but big changes like this aren't always something you can incorperate/understand overnight.

>>17766284

>Is "wahh life is hard" really all there is too my misery? It always felt like so much more.

not necessarily. i only know the very little of you i see in this thread, so I can hardly judge, but when you're just in the directionless college era its going to make up a lot of it.

if you have solid problems, you can work with them, but yours seem vague and existential.

be where you are, do whats in front of you, and try to make them enjoyable.


>put off challenges because of fear.

getting excited does help. it takes the exact same adrenaline rush and makes it positive. its what makes people like watching horror movies.

'chads' dont ask out girls because they lack anxiety. they just arent afraid of the anxiety.

remember that your projects are going to come at you either way. so whats the point in worrying if you're good enough to face them? you have no choice but to face them. the consequences for failure are there, you know what happens if you fail, you know what happens if you succeed.

so there is no need to worry. all you do is the project before you, and again try to have fun.

how to make projects fun? well with programming i imagine there are lots of ways but i wouldnt be able to tell you how.

>school swamped

itt happens. push your discovery til summer and immerse yousrelf in homework. if thats all you have time for then theres no reason to feel sad about anything else you 'should' be doing though.

>colder outside

that sucks but heres an idea, get a hot mug of hot chocolate, put it in a thermos and just go for a walk. it gets you outside and keeps you warm. not long enough to do homework, but enough to get out.

>>17766284
>>17766329

>so did i just set an unrealistic expectation for how my life should be

maybe. it sounds like you dont know WHAT to expect or what to plan and reality is that you dont need to. as long as you know what degree you are working towards then you dont have to worry about much else until after college. but you feel like you should be doing what everyone on social media is doing.

when you look at your timeline you, for instance, see like 5 dudes posting happy moments with girlfriends.

you itnerpret that as just one person having five girlsfriends. its the way your brain works.

you see three different people who all went on trips and look happy. so you interpret that as one person going on three trips.

and then you feel inadequate. you see one person practice violin, the other working out, and another person writing a book, and you think you are supposed to be doing all three of those successfully at the same time, because thats how your brain sees it.

you are not seeing a reality when you look at others, you are seeing expectations.

>im trying to wrap my mind around it
>but im this that and the third thing and lazy and such

dont worry! you are doing a GREAT job, honestly, im very happy with how this thread is going. its not anovernight thing., its a long process of self discovery that never ends.

thats the joy of life, as long as you're aware, you're still on this path of self discovery. its going to change so much, moment to moment, day to day, year to year, and as long as you make it fun, its going to be fun.

>>17766284
>>17766329
>>17766330

earlier this year i had brain damage. i lost so much of everything. i lost friends. i lost my savings. i lost the respect of my father (who believes i faked the entire thing for a month). i lost my ability to make a movie. i lost the project that i had already be en working on... all of its gone.

but the fun of that was, once i was cured and my brain stem realigned, i got to start over. ive spent the last six months learning how to make movies again, making new friends, finding new connections and creating new financial plans to get back on top.

life is an adventure. whatever happens happens. once its over, its over. the bad is over. the brain damage is gone. instead of whining about what happened i just go back to doing something new.

>>17766329
>they just arent afraid of the anxiety.

I can't wait until I can just see girls are people instead of unattainable entity's won over by the elite.

>how to make projects fun?
I find I really like my schooling when I get I get in "the zone". The issue is lately my heads been so flustered and busy I get distracted super easily making that an impossibility

>it sounds like you dont know WHAT to expect or what to plan

Yep, there we go, couldn't of said it better myself. I find myself way to stressed about how to live life because "I need lots of time to pursue new hobbies, and I need time to meet new people/go to parties/be involved around by school, and I need all this time to keep up with all my old friends and relax with them all well balancing school and work, and I need to figure out all my social issues soon so I can actually enjoy college etc.etc.etc" and it caused so much unnecessary stress. I feel like there's so much life I could be living and there just isn't enough time to live it all (nor do I really have the people skills to do so).

I guess deep down I want to be that guy everyone thinks is rad as shit, you know that guy that seems to have 50 billion different hobbies, infinite stories to tell, also comes of as confident, funny and charasmatic, and I get depressed because I'm the exact opposite of that.

>Starts off asking how I can be more comfortable around women
>Ends in a conversation about getting my life together

>>17766404

dont put too much pressure on yourself. you're in college, so focus on that, and when you have spare time, focus on fun. thats all it takes.

Book of Pook says you need to be happy with yourself first. So, >>>/fit/.

>>17766404

>people skills

also, stop talking about those. its like i said. you cant make a movie until you've made five movies.

when it comes to meeting people it really doesn't matter what happens. even if it goes south, your life is exactly the same as it was an hour ago and they stop caring / remembering you the next day.

so just go out and do.

>>17766421

i was just thinking the same thing as i re read the thread, but we managed to bring it back around with the above advice.

just do. stop worrying about whether or not an interaction will be a success, cuz even if you are the top game player in the world, a girl (or even just a potential friend) can reject you based on taste and compatibility. its not your fault, its not a judgement, its just two people who arent meant to ahng out.

everyone has that. so go out and do it without worrying about how it ends.

>>17765911
They say humans are social animals, they can't live alone. But you can live pretty well by yourself. I tell ya...instead of feeling alone in a group, It's better to have real solitude all by yourself. -Faye valentine