Letter thread

I don't know what it is about you, but you are such a hard girl to read. Nothing you do is typical, some stuff leans one way, and other stuff, yet another way.

I just wish that I can get closure out of you. A simple, "Yes, I am interested" or a "No, I only see you as a friend"

In fact, you never even used the word "Friend" with me, at all. But you seem to be kinda wanting to open up with me at times. But when ever you start, you close right up again.

So what is it? Are you interested? Or are you not?

M,

I'm having my cake and eating too. This won't last long.

A

Hey!

The truth is that I used to love you. But we've changed and now I don't anymore. I do wish you all the best and that you grow to be a good person one day, so I can stop hating you then.
Be safe.

-

I hope you got what you wanted.
Don't cry to me when you realize the huge mistake you made. I tried to warn you..but you never listen.

I lost so many friends over this election. I tried my best to stay out of it. They are mad at me for voting 3rd party. Saying I wasted my vote.

Person
Please set aside your opinion of me and let me know that you are ok.
Despite it being ridiculously unlikely that harm has come to you, I am going out of my fucking mind here
Just one word, that's all I ask.
Other person.

For the first time in 2 months I have some peace of mind... So needless to say I'm not missing you in the slightest

>>17748600
Sounds like someone needs to move on, just assume she is dead it'll be for the best

C,

Miss you. Pretty sure I still love you.
Been flirting and manwhoring for the ego boost.
But it's making me feel empty.

If we get a chance at us again I'll try not to fuck it up.

C

>>17748641
Yah, thanks anon. Everything is fine now. I owe you one!

>>17748690
You don't owe me one just try to be happy life will be easier that way.

>>17748710
Yes, sensei.

Jose,

Kindly fuck off. You hanging around somewhere you claim to have left just to fawn over anyone similar to your Australian ex-girlfriend is disgusting. You're creepy. You are worse than the people you talk shit about because they don't pull the shit you do, every single day and have done for over a year. What's that? Someone looks close to her? Wow, instead of getting back together with her like you should have done two years ago, you should definitely keep pissing off people around you instead. Especially when she went out of her way not too long ago to remind everyone how much she missed being with you.

And no, I don't fucking miss being your "friend" because you were really quick to throw that friendship aside whenever it suited you. Fuck off back to her and fuck off out of my life already. 2016 is almost over, you aren't a part of my 2017, either

S,
Not much. No consequences. No need to find something to say. Feel free to avoid it. I won't bring it into our casual conversation. Don't be sorry for me. I'm going to disappear.
Hold me for a while. Thanks.

>>17748764
I remember you posting this before, would you mind telling me the story of you Jose and his gf it sounds fucked up and interesting

>>17748600
Seriously though.
I won't sleep tonight unless I know you're alright.
Five seconds, tops, to set my mind at ease.
Please.

>>17748352
You're right.

>>17748811
Why can't you hit her up?

Ha pasado un largo tiempo desde la última vez que tuve la dicha de apreciar tu precioso rostro, no entiendo aún el porqué de esta situación. Te extraño...

>>17748819
Violence is not the answer, desu.

>>17748845
ew gtfo

You fucking lied about everything you ever told me, broke every promise you made to me, treated me terribly during our relationship, openly mocked me about being in the hospital to your friends, you cheated (with like 3 people? That's all I could pin it to) and I am the fucking bad guy in the entire situation. I'M THE FUCKING BAD GUY AND AT FAULT? You narcissistic fucking leech fuck, take responsibility for your actions for once I'm glad karma's biting you in your fucking ass whore.

If you showered and brushed your teeth more often I would probably have sex with you more. And cut your long nails. You smell weird sometimes like you don't wipe properly. Its not really attractive on a guy and you've kind of let yourself go. I don't know how to say this nicely to your face without hurting your feelings. Hopefully you see this and take the hint. Or any guy who reads this and doesn't shower and brush his teeth every morning or after work, just do it. Good hygene goes a long way and no wants to be with the stinky guy

>>17748466
Initials?

Stop doing this to me and just talk to me already. Yes you did things with your ex, H. coworkers, and others but I understand your mental illness. I understand why you do the things you do. I am not asking for you to come back to me, no. I'm asking you to talk to me, to tell the truth and clear your guilt. Once we talk... we can have our distance for awhile and heal. Then we can be friends.

Do not listen to James. I did love you. You are worthy of love. I don't know why these friends won't talk either. I'm not judging them at all. I did in the past before I knew everything. You told me so many things that were simply untrue. Your friends need to realize I am NOT who they think I am. I am a kind, loyal, loving man that would never harm you.

I blew up that ONE TIME and I felt absolutely awful. I got so mad that you would keep lying to my face.

I want to talk but... what is with this? Ignoring me is going to make it all worse....You know I am going to be around everywhere you look. You will see my art online, your OWN ART IS HEAVILY INSPIRED BY ME! How will you paint knowing your art... is my own?

I understand all the times you tried to push me away and you were so hateful and mean to me. I understand why you would beg me to come back once I did leave. You truly did love me. I know that. I know that you were terrified that I would leave you and you felt like you had to find love elsewhere just incase. I know that this made you fear losing me even more because you knew I would find out...

I know you felt awful for what you did to me and tried to spare me the truth. You tried to make me leave but you couldn't do it because you wanted to keep me.

I do not know everything that happened exactly. I know a lot. I wish you would just get that 10 min skype call out of the way so we can heal proper. I will not get angry, I will not judge you, I will understand... I will let you live your life free as you wish but I would like to still be your friend in life..

>>17748815
How long can I keep this up before you stop talking to me? Will you still be this close after this crazy several months comes to an end? I don't think I can stand to lose you

Happy birthday my dear. I hope you have a fun time up there. Be safe. I'll see you when you return.

>>17749095
M, you are not protecting her by ignoring the truth. J has told her that I never loved her, he lied to her about her photos being posted online, he was obviously trying to pull us apart.

Ignoring the truth is going to make her worse. The guilt will consume her. She will keep doing more and more reckless behavior like drinking and have more and more unprotected sex. SHE COULD GET VERY DANGEROUS STDS DOING WHAT SHE DOES.

You might not know everything she has done. She might be hiding different information from people. She cheated for sure on her coworker and that's probably where she is now. As his fuck buddy.

In the hotel that was meant for us.

She will be haunted by what she did to me if she doesn't talk to me. I will not judge her, I will not insult her.

Her art is extremely inspired by mine. Every time she paints she will be reminded of me. Every time she goes onto an art site.. there I will be.

She needs to face this. You are not protecting her you are causing her more harm.

I hate how I am the only one that truly cares and yet I am the victim in this.

Dear X,

I know it wasn't your fault, I know that now you prolly Don't want to talk to me. But I need you, I need you in my life, I need your hazel eyes to get lost in, I need the warmth and comfort only you can provide. I need you, not only as a friend, but as one of the best people in my life.

I know you're in a psych ward, and I know I told you to go there after you lost a pint of blood and got 4 stitches, I know you're in a rough place, and I know you don't want to be on this planet, and that you blame yourself for everything that happened with your Cali friends, but I'll be there for you, I always will be there for you... because I love you man, I hope that you can get the help you need...

Love,
Y

>>17749095
Until the new year, if there's no improvement starting now.

I'm sorry for losing contact with you. I wish we could be friends again.

>>17749340
Reach out

R,
2 years ago you told me you messaged me because you wanted to show me that someone cared...

After my exgf cheated on me...

Since that time the cheating had never stopped. Just the girls switched.

Why... why would you contact a broken man to let him know that people care knowing that you were just going to use him more?

Why do I keep trying...

Why do I keep living?

I am used over and over and over...

and I bet you're rolling your eyes right now like you do... "Oh you're suchhhhh a victim"

Show me that people actually care... make those two years worth anything. Show me that you care.. show me a tiny bit of respect and be honest with me.

J

You know how people don't kill themselves because they don't want to hurt their loved ones?

Yeah, I don't have any of those. No one has ever showed me that they cared for me. So... if no one cares for me then no one will get hurt.

I have half a bottle of gin, 20 xanax, 40 adderalls, 60 75mg effexors, and a SHIT TON of pure fucking heroin. Legit.

Top it off with a cute pink bondage rope I got for our anniversary as a fun kinky surprise.

FUN NIGHT

shes reading these I know she is.

not on purpose. Her other lovers post on here and shes going to say shes feeling evil or wants to mess around with a ghost.

do you not feel anything? do you? if you did then why this way...

are you going to visit me... tell me to my face?

oh, wait... that's something I would do. a good person.

do you check to see if i'm still alive are you getting off to how badly you're breaking my mind

Tell ya what

if you ever see me stop posting, because I cannot because i'm fucked up

it's because that pretty pink rope did it's job

A, we were so perfect for each other, complete opposites but thoes attract im sorry for everything ive done and for being selfish at times. All i want to do is love and have you back you were my rock some wehere i lost my self along the way i have mixed emotions at times im so angry at you that you can just give ul and others i want nothing but to seel your soft lips press against mine again. Having in my arms is one of the best feeling i know if we gave it an other shot it'll work this time.and if not we know that wr gave it a real try. Apparent you never heard of the expression. If at first you don't succeed try try again.
I miss you so much but now you wont even hear me say it.
I still love you
L

>>17749528
i care anon.
>inb4 you've never met me.
i don't need to meet you. i care for all life, your death would affect me adversely. and your suffering already does.
please my child speak your mind

>>17749633
i feel the same. and you very much shaped the person i am today and am still growing into.
but you do realize you took with you a part of me that i don't feel would return if we could be together

S,
I know you get on here a lot so maybe you'll see this. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now and I'm not sure what you're feeling either. I want to tell you so badly that I love you but I'm afraid you wouldn't feel the same. Maybe it's silly for me to be thinking about it anyway..I guess we both need more time to think on it.
L

Dad you're awful at healing. You'd seriously be a better contributor to the raid if you went DPS, but I know you've healed since vanilla and that aint changing now.

And why did you have to make academics so important? I'm trying to write a research paper and thesis paper and I feel like my self worth is dependent on getting a degree. I've got 4 weeks left and I can't bring myself to work because I just can't face the possibility of failure. There should be more important things than school.

and why did you have to make sex so taboo, dad? I remember 'the talk' but every other sexual thing we've discussed has been indirect through someone else jokingly making conversation. fuck. It took almost two years for me to get attracted to my wife after the kid was born. that's not love. I had to learn all about sex from porn because you refused to talk about it, and it ended up being the coldest winter of my life when my wife and I didn't share a bed for three months.

and I'm pretty sure you were molested as a child. you might not remember it. but it would explain why I'm so much more attracted to young, childish looking girls and fear sex if you were sexually abused as a kid and thought for a long time that it was okay to do that to little girls too. that really fucking sucks, but i needed you to be stronger than that for me. deal with it. accept the reality. now I'm married to a girl that was sexaully assaulted as a kid, and you know what? she's almost exactly you.

fuck, I better help my wife get over her abuse shit before we ruin our kids.

thanks for reading dad. I love you, you've always been my rock.

>>17749657
Don't mess with me asshole

holy shit heroin is my new favorite thing.

yussssssssssssss

"STOP THIS I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING STDS"

few days later

"I HAVE GENITAL WARTS"

AND YOU WONDER WHY I DIDN'T TRUST A FUCKING THING YOU SAID.

YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO SAY YOU HAD FUCKING CANCER.

I'mmmmmm like
positive now


the reason she stay cold silent

is so
under the hope
that she can try to get with me
in like... a few years like she does with all these other guys.
except
I not down wit dat

>>17749809
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb tonight

partyy night

2 years I'll be round? hahahaha

2 hours maybe

>>17749019
T. You're most definitely not the girl this is meant to.

I am literally insane.

I realize this. I am not ok.

I ruined everything.

and now... I'm going to get help...

It's just.. this town is so small and shit. There aren't any...

:(

Sorry what I did to you son. I have so much regret and remorse. If your whore mother would just have listened maybe things would be fairy tale like. But instead she went and made me do what I did to her my only regret is that you were there son. I'm so sorry. I can't go back to jail. I don't regret what I did to your mother though I sent her back to the depths of hell which she came from. I will bring flowers soon son. P.S I will take down that whores whole family for what they made me do to you, love you for ever

The ChieF

You never loved me L all you are is a fucking liar

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The night of the murder

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>>17750228
Can you realize and show me some empathy darlin?

I am worse than you think. You have always underestimated me when I talk about my schizophrenia. The times you've mocked me saying "Oh You seeing your spiders?" hurt me deeply. You do not understand how badly it affects my ability to function. This illness is a power house of ideas and dimensions while your disorder is one in which simplifies personal relationships into black and white. My mind extrapolates and scatters light throughout every conceivable angle creating complex patterns from seemingly unconnected ideas... leading me to crazed paranoia. Your disorder casts a focused light which reflects back from whatever is directly in front of you, creating a perfect mirror image. This is why you fit in with any social group but leaves you confused as to which you truly belong while I am a terrible outcast that no one understands or wants. I know where I belong though... Alone...

But that's why you chose me, right? Because I'm the outcast, the loner. The freak of freaks, absolutely.

You cannot mirror me, black kitty. This is why you are your true self when you are with me. Your focused light strikes me and is refracted into a beautiful rainbow, your true self.

How I love your luminous lights....

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>>17748845
h,
The fact we are thinking of the same girl here probably... uh... is the reason. right?

I'm not a bad guy. if you're "open" I was not aware. Perhaps... maybe talk to me? I wouldn't "leave" her because of that. I'm sure you haven't said anything to me because she told you not to, that I would leave her.

but shouldn't I have all the information too? Isn't it unfair to me? To be dutiful means to uphold someone else morals and values diligently. I am a guy of monogamy and expect a woman to be dutiful.

it is not loving for her to do what she is doing...

And you are not respectful of her to take advantage of her in such a way. Do you think this is easy for her? To know that I am not ok with this, that even though you KNOW you are putting stress on her and causing her pain... you don't care. All you care is about yourself.

Don't give me that "it's her decision" bullshit. Do you not have morals yourself? Do you not care you are causing her unneeded stress? Losing you... would not be a loss. An "open" relationship means nothing. You're friends that fuck Emotionless sex.

You're the kind of man that causes her to hate herself. You do not value her relationships with others. She doesn't either, true but you enable her disorder. People like you are the reason she has no value in relationships. That... people will cheat all the time no matter what. Why she thinks I would cheat because every other man already in a relationship, if offered sex by a pretty girl, says "YES".

I wouldn't. I'm stupid loyal and loving. Any of my past crushes could walk through my bedroom door butt naked and I would hand them some sheets to cover themselves and show them the front door.

I am also forgiving.

So... I wouldn't leave her because of this. I would want to talk about however. Everyone involved. I understand why she does things and I do not judge her. You're kind of abusive as you don't but... still.

just like.. for real talk to me and let me know what is up.

It's ok.

>>17749744
yeah it is the best

>>17748513
Ah don't worry about it, they'll cool over time..

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>>17750328
Do people not realize that I am her main support, her center of love and affection? That I am the one she would be most surely distraught over?

No matter what she tells people, this is true.

I am the one she displays publicly. The one she doesn't hide out of shame.

You pigs that fucking take advantage of a girl with a disease. A girl that so desperately wants to be loved and can only find it in that way.

because of your greed, you uncaring desires, she trusts no one. She believes I am like you people. Not loyal, lacking morals, and that I lie when I tell her I love her.

because you would fuck whatever comes around, right? That's why you found someone else. That's why she does what she does on her social media. These secrets are destroying her and you enable that.

Talk to me. Everyone.

I messed up that one time but you truly do not understand what I have been through. You do not know the whole story, I assure you. The lies, the deceit.

I do.

I learned so much. So much about empathy, understanding, and where I stand in the eyes of others and the eyes of the lord. I will not judge anyone, I won't. I will speak out against evil I see but it is not in my power to condemn others.

No one is perfect. Mistakes are made. To be good isn't to be perfect, but to be good is to recognize when you have made a mistake and make an amends.

I have made mistakes in the past. I am so sorry for those errors, I am. I will not repeat them...

I sometimes get emotional, it's true. I break down. I cry... I cry so much. Your evils hurt more than her. I am human, please... treat me as such.

I am her love... and if you cared for her you would care for all she loves as well. Please... extend your hands to me and let us talk about this. Let's all work together to help the one we all care for.

please...

>>17750356
I also realize that she is most likely with someone new right now in our bed.

This is why she is hiding from us all. I bet she got him to spend a week with no phones, no computers, nothing to spend with her...

I don't know. This hurts.

This hurts me... a man with so much love to give...

The people that would know remain silent. Why? Why do they make me suffer so much...

M

Text me.

Dear President Elect Trump,

Please don't put your feet on the Resolute Desk.

Break the vicious cycle.

R,

I have found a sure fire way in which to get in contact with you. I have information other people DO NOT and I can use it to find where you are.

and... who you are with.

Should be fun later.

This isn't like a gag or ploy to get you to come out. I LEGIT have a surefire way to find out where the fuck you are, who you are with, and what you are doing,.

>>17750420
I'm just trying to let you know because... if I do this it will give away that you DIDN'T LEAVE ME AND YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME and...

Would he still be with you then?

so... talk to me.

or test me to see if I'm bluffing.

let's see tonight then.

There, you chucklefuck. I've mailed you all your shit. Fucking all of it. Now please just be a good ex and pretend you died. I don't want to hear from you ever fucking again. To the address I have anyway.
And don't worry about the shipping fee. Not that you would, you petty little whore.

I will never have my emotions in balance towards you which will always end up with cringefest which will lead to my further autism and loneliness which will lead to becoming even a worse man that I am already.

I literally don't want to exist. I'm empty. No matter what I do, it's another fuck up. People barely talk to me and hell, they're right.
I don't write or read anymore.

I live only because I have to.

>>17750590

If your name begins with B you are the worst kind of scum.

>>17750593
B for bitch? Nah, thanks.

I have never fucking guilt you back into our relationship and you know it. Every time it was you begging me to stay. And then you fucking tell everyone that I manipulate you into staying?

Here is how it goes. You tell me you want to leave me. I ask "Why?" you make some bullshit up about how there is no trust in this relationship. I tell you "What the fuck do you mean by that? I have never lied to you. I have never be anything but open.... You're the one that has kept lying over and over again. If trust is the issue then why don't you fix it?" She argues with me about how I don't love her and all this other bullshit. I list all the things I did for her.

At the end she tells me "You are too good for me" and I tell her "no no no it's ok..."

How is that... how is that guilting her? If she gave me the real reason she wanted to end our relationship, that she wants to whore around as a 30 year old woman, then sure. Have at it.

I think I deserve to know why about things of the past but... whatever.

How is that guilt tripping someone? If you're a shitty person own up to it. Feeling guilty for being shitty... I HAVE NO PART IN THAT. I CAN'T HELP IT I AM SO FUCKING LOVING AND LOYAL AND FORGIVING.

I"M SORRY I'M A GOOD MAN.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU LEAVE ME THEN?

Because you want to fuck this guy? Haven't you already? Why won't you tell me?

If you have and want to keep on trying... TELL ME FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Doing what you're doing is only going to make me keep on loving you and just waiting. Because I'm assuming it's your god damn borderline you REFUSE to treat.

tell james to tell me. Ok? Tell him allllllllll the fucking bad shit you've done to me, to him, and he will relay it to me.

AND THEN ILL BREAK UP WITH YOU. SO YOU DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

E,

I am insane, you are right though my love. I am insane for you. With everything happening to me I keep asking
"Oh, Gods, is there no forgiveness? I did what I did in madness. Is there no mercy?"
E, I did not know what I was doing. I was mad! I am mad. Oh, E!

Please, though you say you forgive me I know that you do not. If you did, you would be by my side.
I hope you realize what we had was real and unique. I have changed for you, I realize my mistakes.

I have earned my torment. I deserve the final death. Oh, E, I deserve death.
I deserve death.

>>17749744
Where are you located? I need a dealer :?

>>17750592
Don't be weak man, you can go to do great things in life but first you'l have to take the vibrator out of your pussy and endure through it. Don't have a reason to live? Find one, and enjoy yourself in doing so. You're fucking things up? Good, it means you're at least trying, so learn from them and get better. You did horrible shit in the past? Kill yours- Learn from it. If you accept and forgive yourself other people will do the same. Cheers

Also since this is a letter thread
Dad, people are right to hate you for all the shit you've done, even if I understand why you did all of it, it doesn't make it right. So be the better man and ask for forgiveness or I'l be the only one showing up at your funeral

C,
Reach out to me, I miss you man.

I love you and miss you. I miss making your lunches, I miss cooking dinner together and watching prison break.

>>17748627
well you should miss me

>>17748627
Paranoid this is about me...initials?

>>17748627
What did I do wrong, exactly? Do you have peace of mind because you no longer have to lie?

You did it in the worst possible way as well because it required less effort on your part. All while listening to someone that has no idea what he's talking about and a know liar. All the people you've surrounded yourself are known liars.

You have surrounded yourself with only people that enable your terrible behavior. You finally got rid of the one good, honest person in your life and you no longer have to feel guilt. I bet you didn't even go to your appointment yesterday, did you?

I can't judge you, though.

I pity you however. You're aging and your face is showing it. I hate to tell you this but in 5 years what you are doing now?

You won't be able to.

You needed to cut this shit out now because it's going to take years to fix. When your 40 dressing up in fishnets and dying your hair you're going to be a fucking joke.

>>17750796
Annnnd why's that

>>17750851
From A, to J

>>17750901
I have no idea what you're talking about... You aren't the person my message was intended for

>>17750922
You see.. I always knew that you used your last letter of your last name as your initial here.

>>17750928
Lol no. The first letter of my first name is A

>>17750927
>person incapable of telling the truth lying
amazing.

>>17750929
Have some fucking respect for yourself and stop already.

fucking christ.

>>17750930
Okay, your crazy is coming on a little strong... so as I said... You obviously aren't the person my message was intended for

>>17750934
sigh...

Your message is intended for more than one person.

but I was always the one to make you just like this. This is why you feel better.

Surround yourself with people that won't catch you in literally every lie.

>>17750901
sounds like k

>>17750938
No... My message is intended for one person, and you aren't him. Seriously the white coats are coming for you

>>17750946
You literally could not be more obvious.

>>17750929
Is the second letter L?

>>17750946
wasn't this guy >>17750796 but... yeah, you should miss me.

Don't feel too bad on the inside when you get done whoring tonight.

Maybe he won't leave this time.

(He will)

>>17750954
No

The worst part is how I'll just have another ex obsessed with me.

Fuck man. Erry time.

They all know that I was the perfect man. The problem is that I truly would never do any harm to them, or break my loyalty, and because of their projection they constantly accused me cheating.

I won't make that mistake again. The next time a desperate woman berates me about wanting an ex all the time I'll walk. Instantly.

Why the fuck would I want that shit again? There's some clear problems if I get accused of that.

>>17750972
Also, this time I will not take the lying whore back. "I'm not gonna want you back!" Is what she will say because... she literally cannot tell the truth. Her saying that is her trying to avoid responsibility.

I'm sorry you were born like this. You will have fun tonight. For sure.

After though... and in the coming weeks...

Remember that rule I had? How J was always right?

You should just do am shows. You would make a killing. Your repetition after this is going to be fucked. I won't say anything. You did a gooooood job yourself.

>>17750981
Here comes the splitting, however.

Won't accept anything I'm saying right now. She is going to avoid the truth by devaluing my worth. She will insult me, lie about things I NEVER did, and talk about how awful I was in our relationship.

Christ. It's so sad. Her friends are too fucking stupid to realize the damage they are doing.

oh well, right? I tried. I never lied once and I truly loved her with all my heart.

>>17750989
Seriously wtf are you going on about? Not every message here is written for you, you know.....sounds like you're caught up in a shitty situation so I'm sorry to hear it anon

I love you.
I'm so sorry I said all those mean things to you. I didn't mean them, they came out wrong, without the right context.
I'll work my hardest on being good, I want you to forgive me. I never loved anyone as much as I love you.
I will do anything for you not to break up with me, I just hope you will forgive me so we can be happy. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.

Please never leave me.

JB,

Well I am turning 21 today. I have finally come to realise all the shit I did only made you resent even though all I wanted was for you to like me. I was a dumbass kid and didnt realise that what I did hurt you more than made you like me and as a result I'm all alone.
I will never have the courage to say this to you and this shit just eats me inside when I could have had all I wanted with you. Today I'm gonna drown my sorrows and hope to forget you.
I see you are happy at the moment and I know you will go on to do great things in life.

E

If you have to ask, on 4chan of all places, just give up.

>>17751094
If you wanted forgiveness all you had to do was ask

I really like spending time with you. I want to see and talk to you every day, and I get excited when you text me. When we talk and look into each other's eyes, I just want to pull you to me, kiss you, and hold your body against mine. I guess I accidentally started liking you. Now what do we do?

>>17751094
>>17751117
Who the hell is she even talking to anymore?

Darlin... did you go to your psych appt?

>>17751192
>Now what do we do?
Renren, your mask is falling apart and you're starting to lose track of who your lovers a re.

There are clearly too many for you to keep straight.

You need help.

>>17751207
I think you're replying to someone you don't know

K,
I have really enjoyed talking to you on Tinder. I have enjoyed texting you. I want to take you out this weekend. Please say yes.
R

>>17751217
Yeah that one might be.

who the fuck knows anymore. She posted the one about "please forgive me" but... who is she begging at this point?

The coworker? Me? Hino? Not paul, Emma is on his ass. Stephen is out. Felipe?

There's another coworker apparently that she hangs out with as well. One of them stands around like a fucking creeper when she touched herself on cam for me.

I caught them on that one but she tried to play off.

She literally cannot tell the truth. It's... so sad.

>>17751222
>>17751221
>>17751217
No here's what's up.

I figured out what was going on. They are a clever bunch but not as clever as I.

I'm resetting my mind to where it was before the claims of going to the hotel.

Trying to add extra layers to tip me off.
She had to LITERALLY HIGHER A PI TO KEEP HER LIES HIDDEN FROM PEOPLE.

so yeah... They are trying to fuck with me now.

I'm out.

>>17751232
higher

Fucking homophones man. Always fuckin me up.

Shes still cheating tonight, but still. Probably not at the hotel as she could have cancelled that one. It was the flight she couldn't cancel. They wanted me to call it.

I do not care. Got all riled up, see, ewe.

You guys are fucked up, truly.

File: lJon37z.png (453KB, 789x553px) Image search: [Google]

453KB, 789x553px

>>17751239
See, the fucked up thing is that I legit worry for her well being and because they both do not actually know what love is... they try to take advantage of me.

yes, she posted this >>17748627

and yes... her peace of mind is from not having to deal with the guilt and loving me at the same time.

because again... >>17750901 >>17750932 >>17750938 >>17750951 >>17750957
Were all true.

Lead me to say~

>>17750972 >>17750981 >>17750989

Anything after that was damage control.

Sorry for caring, ok? She's damaging herself and James is ok with it because he's a fucking hugeeeee faggot that get's off to himself mostly. he has a glass eye apparently too he fills will all kinds of jizz.

he's a sociopath, legit. He's damaging this girl by enabling her self destructive behavior because... he knows how to manipulate women like her. He knows she finds validation through sex and has tricked her into getting her nude photos. And me having sex with her. And my passwords too apparently.

Which is.. SUPER illegal you realize that right? SUPER.

Despite her knowing that james lied about me, about past events, about nearly everything... I guess they are going to be fuck buddies now or something. There's NO REASON for her to be working with him right now if she was of healthy mind.

It's all fucked up and... a person like me will get destroyed by all of this.

because I legit care.

I'll just keep painting. You all... again... live in your regret.

its been like a month since we dont talk for chat, it
really dont mind me before but today i fell that my life is a shitty one and that the things that keep me sane
are really few, like my little group of friends in the institute, the one true friend that i have since highschool
and because of my antisocial fucking attitude he is walking away more each day, im staying more
and more alone and you too, we are so fuking far away from each other, and it hurts a lot

i know that maybe it hurts you too, we both are one of that kind that every day separates from
the people more and more, we are used to be alone, but it hurts and if im writting this is not just to
complain about my life because i know that if my life is a lame one is just because im letting this to happen
i want to change, and be happy, with all the absurd that is life i want to stay happy, because if this world is full
of shit, shitty situations and shitty people, i still think that in some place are good people, and good moments
like we have when we were togheter...

i make a promise the last time we talk, that if you died first i will go to your grave at least 1 time each 2 months and
take you a flower of your favorite colour, like the one that i gave it to you in our first date, and if i die first you will take
me a tinny windmill, and this letter is just to make it more oficial, that no matter witch one of us die first we will remember
us forever, no matter if it hurts, and no matter how many bad things happen or how many bad people we met, we
will keep living looking for a good life, with all our strength, we will live, and search for a meaning
in this fucking world, together in the distance.

i used to love you as my lover, but now i love you as a real friend in life, like family, no matter how far away we are,
and how bad we´ll be, please keep living, because i will live with all my best.

good luck.

Still miss you.
Have come to an understanding with her now. Think we might be stronger, but either way things will be different.
Progress.
Still miss you though.
Still miss you.

>>17751266
Um, I'm the one who posted >>17748627 and I already told you I'm not a party in your bizarre situation

>>17751415
just shut the fuck up already.

She has genital warts.

>>17751404
Progress?

Really?

Get into a real relationship ok? Work on building a true connection with a person based on loyalty, trust and honesty. Think about raising a family.

Truly learn how to give ALL of yourself to one person and you will know how beautiful it is.

It's also terrifying. Because there ARE monsters out there. Just... terribly things that will take from you everything.

Believe.

well then.

Ok, I'm done. You can try to save face as much as you want. Was... therapeutic.

The fact that she was so abusive, told everyone I was the pathetic one, and... was really begging me constantly to stay with her... just had to shake that off a bit, ya know?

Those men still think shes a poor little princess.

I loved her so purely too. So truly. The worst mistake she ever made was teaming up with James again. That so clearly showed me how incapable she is of love.

If you want someone that you should feel absolutely NOTHING for and to be used ONLY as a sex object...

shes your gal.

Because if you attempt a relationship with her...you will be destroyed. Do not stick your dick in crazy. Seriously.

At most hit that just as you're about to hop a flight so as to not have her come at you. The sex will be great. You will think "Holy shit she didn't even want to use a condom?! Just fill her up?"...

Think about that. How many others?

I tried to get her to go to therapy and she refused. Yesterday she was suppose to go... didn't. Thanks James... your lust fucked up big. You really, truly set a monster loose into the world. So many people are going to be gobbled up by her.

Dear K,

you're an asshole
you treat me like shit you always have to try and act like you're better than me when you're not, you keep holding shit over my head from 4 fucking years ago that doesn't even matter now. When i point out your fuck ups you get really defensive and claim that it never happened and i'm making shit up and when i provide actual proof you just say you have no memory of the moment and then when you try and say shit about me and i make you do the same you say the same shit of well i don't remember but it happened.

you're a horrible person, and i don't know why you flip from being a nice person to a colossal douche and thats just the tip of the iceberg but holy fuck im sick of you.

i hope someone you really care about tells you how fucked up you really are

sincerely, A.

>>17751425
Whoa.. If ANYONE in the bizarre situation you keep ranting about has genial warts, then that super sucks for all of you

I see you're having a blast up there. If you're gonna drink, please be careful. Happy birthday

>>17751486
I know right!?!?

seriously... how much worse do you want to make this for yourself?

cus...

Theres some fucking things I could show.

he's not going to fuck you anymore. Surely he knows better, christ.

Seriously man... just.. don't. It's not worth it. She is a mirror, she will seem super cool and awesome at first and then the rage will come out and she will get bored of you in a month and be sleeping around not telling you about it.

literally DAY ONE of our relationship... for the entire time.

just don't. There's going to be more than 1 all the time. Don't fool yourself.

>>17751493
I still want to know what the fucking misleading boot picture looks like though.

or the threesomes she's been to. Multiple, threesomes.

One was FFM one MMF.

That rep is going to be... quiet legendary.

I didn't really... uh... have much in part of it. Everyone else there already knew more than likely. It's a very small industry.

You can post of the crazy shit I've said if ya want.

except...

everyone knows I'm fucking one depressed mother fucker already and... once you open up that can of worms you have to think...

which one of us... has more secrets?

Problem I have is I'm an open book. I ain't hide shit ma nigga. My rep is "That sad crazy mother fucker is DAMN good at what he does".

I don't know why I never fit into anywhere I roam. Maybe it was destiny to be alone.
I try hard not to feel anymore. Pains cried a thousand times, and losses piled into the sky. The memories of our good times will haunt me until I'm in the grave.

Everyone I've ever interacted with has either tried to reshape me or to shun me. I should've expected it this time, but I didn't. The mistake won't be made twice. I'm sorry, everyone. I know I will be missed, but I cannot go on in an environment where I scrape along the margins hoping someone will take pity on as hopeless a creature as I. My life's course must take a path, and that path, I've decided now, is away from here.

And you... when we lived close enough that we could hang out, I was happier than I had been in as long as I could remember. I loved you before we met. After only cemented it. Our passion blended into the skies above and shone beauty down upon my decrepit heart. Goodbye, my beloved, for I will miss you the most of all. You will never know how much I cared, and that will be for the better. There's a better life waiting for you beyond my corruptive influence. A life that doesn't involve a head case like me, a life that won't chain you to becoming my support group over the ages.

It was always meant to be like this. It just took until now to realize it. One day, I hope for us to meet again, but on that day, I will be a person worthy of looking up to rather than just one who aspired to be. Good luck, my friends. I will always miss you, wherever your journey's take you.

>>17751509
what I'm saying is have fun I'm going to bed and I'm going to try super hard to just...

wow...

wowwwwwww

ya know? I am crazy but... I was a damn good partner. So loving, so loyal, so honest, so romantic, so giving, so dedicated... so good.

you need to fucking get help rr. You need is BADLY. Can you not... fucking see how fucked up all of this is?

You are a monster... right now. You can get help. You can be a good person.

It truly is not your fault.

Call dr prisman again. Don't fuck up your last shot.

Fuck.

>>17751517
Your cadence, lacking.
Your post? Weak.

Try again.

>>17751517
Here, let me help you a little before I go to beddy time.

You're using descriptive SOUNDING words but they don't mean anything mang. "I don't know why I never fit into anywhere I roam"

Too fucking literal. Gotta paint a picture mang. Ok? So you're trying to say "don't fit" and "roaming". Think of situations or objects or you know... stuff! You're going for that like.. EPIC GOTHIC EMO ROMANTICISM.. Poe fucks Yeats kinda deal right?

"LI

I got that far and got bored. I'm a watch 300 or somethin.

Point is paint pictures with your words, don't be boring, use intuition.
romanticism


"

I'm really tired. I complete some goal but it always feels empty. I feel like I can't get a win. I'm really tired.

>>17751530
Cry harder, bitch, it wasn't meant for you.

>>17751585
Your writing sucks. Like... badly.

It's... kinda ma thang

>>17751555
>>17751594
>I focused my anal autism on you and you specifically instead of any other garbage post ITT like >>17751266 or >>17751509 or >>17749512

That's nice. This is your last reply btw.

I wish I were holding you in my arms right now & whispering gay shit in your ear. Has it really been a year? It feels like just yesterday. I wish things could've been different. For how things ended and how I acted in the aftermath of it all. I'm terrified that you were the best and that I'll never find someone as good and perfect for me as you were. Id rather just wall myself up from opening up to anybody at the moment, I can't go through something like that again. I wish we could just start over.

>>17748213
dear feminazis
i am a male. i don't know what yous think yous are fighting for but it is not equal rights, i fail to see and you all fail to provide any example of a lack of equality other than by those who are already condemned by everyone else, yet you blame all males for a minority of a race.i see not this rape culture you speak of. maybe in the slums and dregs of society but the culture you speak of is not socially acceptable male or female, so how can yous argue that it is entirely all males fault, when it is a minority of both male and female who perpetuate it. and lastly if you truely want equal right, accept that it is no different for me to hit you than it is you to hit me, or me to hit another man. yous dont want equal rights, yous want males to serve you because yous are a bunch or self righteous whores who fight for nothing but dominance and will stop at nothing to take it.

>>17751680
I know these feels anon... Wish he would write something like this for me. Hang in there

>>17751721
Ok there mate.
>/pol/
>/r9k/
PS. Your english is terrible.

>>17751733
nobody on this board writes well, you included

go play grammar police on >>>/b/

>>17749633
L,
Miss you, hope you are doing well....

Austin

>>17751764
Im not the L you're looking for sorry i wish you the best of luck anon if you get your chance take it.

Dear M, I really and truly love everything about you
I just wish I was more confident in myself and honestly believed you loved me. I'm sorry i'm so clingy, its just not something I can help.

I know you said you like me, but I really feel like you're just saying that because you're alone right now, and i'm sorry that I'm too stupid to see it.
Love, Z.

>>17751764
I didn't write this stupid shit fuck off

I AM GOING FUCKING NUTS THE FUCK DOES SOMEONE GET FROM IMPERSONATING ME

wait im just spazzing out. long ass day

>>17751726
initials?

>>17749633
then respond to my texts ffs

>>17751879
Mine is A, his J

I hope I didn't freak you out. It's been a while since I last heard from you. Did you realize how awful I am? How dull I am? Maybe I'm just being impatient but I miss your messages. They're really the only thing I look forward to these days. My life is painfully empty.

To the man that was suppose to love me first,
Before any boy could fall in love with my looks.
Or my humor, charm, or persistence.
The man that was suppose to teach me how others were suppose to treat me.
How a man was suppose to ask for my love.
You were suppose to be the very first man to tell me
"I love you."
But instead you weren't.
Not even the second.
You never said it.
I heard those three words spewed out at me,
From dozens of men who never knew my middle name.
You fucked me up, you were my first heartbreak.
You would lift my hopes so high,
Just to drop them and watch them shatter beneath you.
And I let you do this over and over again.
Our relationship was toxic.
But it was never something I could get out from.
Because you were family.
And you were suppose to be the man to love me first.
From,
Your Daughter.

>>17750643
What did you do?

>>17751680
Is this to a C?

Steve
I don't really like you that much. I just hangout with you so I can play on your Wii and kick your ass at Smash Bros.
Nate~

>>17752064

I hurt her in my madness (not physically but emotionally) many times. When I was being tortured for years by my superiors through systematic mobbing, slowly ruining my career. I lashed out at her for not agreeing with how much I despise these people, the horrible things I wish would happen to them. I thought how could she have any mercy on such people, that are causing me so much pain?

While she stood by me through my darkest moments of my life, I gave her little tolerance. I did not see her true value. I did not appreciate her kindness, her beauty. Our love. Those three years...

Finally I broke it off with her after an argument. My fault. I should have kept my emotions in check. There was so much going on in my life... but that was no excuse. Forgive me. Please.

She showed me that I could be loved, and I gave her pain. Now she is with someone else, and never wants to see me again.

All aspects of my life are falling apart, everyone's dying or leaving me.

I have earned my torment.
I deserve death.

>>17748214
There needs to be effort by both parties. Are you unsatisfied by the indifference in the effor ratio? If not, she's probably not interested.

>>17751453
Too late to raise a family, and does the world really need more people?

C,

Text me back, damn it. Love you.

A

Every part of me wants to tell you how I feel, but I can't do that without getting 90s rom-com cheesy or super melodramatic. But hey, I'm excited to see you Sunday and hope you're excited to see me too. I'll be really happy if you don't invite anyone else and we can just be alone for a couple hours and enjoy each other the way I think we do.

I wish you'd just talk to me already. You say you're not ready to talk to me right now, but will you ever be? It's weird because I get the vibe you really don't like me, which you have every right to, but you refuse to unfollow me on all social medias. You view my snap story every day. Yet you've told me repeatedly to stop trying to talk to you. I just sit here waiting for the day I get the notification with your name. I really miss our talks, our friendship. And I'm really sorry for what I did, I hope you know that, and I truly mean that from the bottom of my being. And that I hope you know that I would have never confessed what I did if I didn't care about you, which I do. I also want you to know that I love you; in a way. I think we had a really good type of relationship, something that I'm not sure will ever be the same again. I really hope we talk again someday. I'll never not be a friend if you need one.

O,

After years, I still think of you.. I wouldn't call this love, but I really don't know. All I know is that I want you to talk to me, about anything. Maybe I'm just looking for a friend that knows me pretty well. so please reply to the the good bye.

Xxx

All I am anymore is incredibly tired. I used to define myself by what I did, what I wanted, what I liked, but now that all of that's gone I see that there was never really anything to define. All I have left now are the methods with which I distract my incessantly turning mind, the moments subtly strung together by thin threads which weave an illusion of occupation.

I no longer look forward to that next book or game or film or conversation or interaction or moment of understanding. Understanding has brought only disgust and confusion. I know now I am sick. I even know what my sickness is called, but the knowledge I so fervently sought and worshipped is like dust in the mouth of a starving man. The only thing I look forward to anymore is when I can finally sleep for a few hours and cease the torment of my own thoughts turning the inside of head black and blue, rushing about frantic, an angry mob of awful thoughts.

I hesitate even to use these abstractions and metaphors for fear of sounding like a fool, even though I love that kind of thing. That constant fear of being anything but silent and neutral also hurts, but sometimes I'm glad its there.

I always assumed I was safe in my own head. The one place I was untouchable. I never suspected I could turn on myself.

Many things have lead me here, but I am comforted knowing they are my fault, my responsibility. That is one thing I have.

I am considering the pistol before me. I doubt I will act, I am afraid of what I do not know. Nonetheless, its company comforts me. Its that bittersweet feeling of desolation I feel in my chest manifest. Like Christ, it is a salvation to me.

But I wonder. How long will I be able to delay? How long can I ignore the chattering call? When will distraction cease to be sufficient?

One more thing I just don't know. I guess I'll go to sleep now.

>>17748213
Test

>>17748506
You sound as if you are full of shit. If you really tried to warn someone you'd just tell them straight up, not be vague or play games with it.

just so you know i dont even like that girl im just drunk enough to be with her you know i love youu

T
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna be gone for a day.
Just to settle down and practice not hating everyone.
Or myself, for that matter.
I just want you to treat me like there's nothing wrong with me when I get back.
Friends like always, right?
I'm sorry. Please. I'll be normal again I swear. Just give me a day.
N

>>17748213

I'm completely alone, I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to change that and I've exhausted every option I could think of. I really think I'm crazy and I have trouble telling the difference between what's real and what isn't. I need someone to keep me grounded in reality, and keep me from losing touch with what's real and what isn't. I'm sorry I push people away who try to do this for me, I just forget everything you tell me and get you mixed up with the ideas I have of you in my head. It's really hard to explain but if I'm making sense or not is something I can't really grasp. Someone please help me.

Q

I don't know if I really need to talk to you, or I will just wait to see what's about to happen.

But, i guess, that you need to get more into the things you do, and, of course, lose your shame about yourself, common, are you a pretty guy, you're just awnkward and that's ok, really. You should start care about yourself before than others, anyway, is always a pleasure when the things get bad and you still capable of making fun of it.

>>17752424
Initials?

looooooser

you are delusional that people are obsessing over you or are jealous of your ugly gook bitch, she's fucking UGLY. pig fucker. fuck off.

die already you sub human trash

I love you mom and dad. Thank you for being my friends and confidants as well as my family. Thank you for insisting I should believe in myself. I miss you, but all I do is for you, I hope to have something to show for it one day.

>>17751202
I was talking about my boyfriend, no idea abt the other anon. Since I obvi asked for forgiveness lol.

I just realized it's 11/11 and chuckled over the absurdity from remembering when we first met (you remarked I called at 11:11) to where I- not we- am today. What a fucking joke. I am truly pathetic for clinging to the little snippets of hope received over the past few years. Actually, they were nothing to you but I twisted them into signs you really cared to suit my delusion.

Anyway, the past doesn't matter and I will move forward using my newfound clarity.

Kindest regards.

L,

I hope all is well with you, even though you ghosted me.
Take care!

T.

>>17748213
A,

I know, and i'm sick of this shit.

-B

>>17752180
female c?

>>17752422
I'm in that place that you are in, anon.

I wish I could live two lives so I could be with you. We both clearly loved each other and couldn't do anything about it. It hurt me alot when I ran into you a few years ago and you were drunk and confessed your loved for me in front of my girl. I can't throw away a good thing, but I still think about you every day and wonder how it would have been to be a part of your life.

When you told me you were pregnant I couldn't sleep for weeks. I felt gutted, even though we never really made that physical connection. That was when I knew we couldn't be friends.

Your little girl is beautiful, and I wish she were ours but I could never betray the woman who made me who I am.

If I was young again I would have made different choices, but foresight fucking sucks and I guess it's best we stay away from each other.

I love you, and that's why I can't be near you anymore.

>>17752855
Its about time. That bullshit we had when I was weak and vulnerable jeopardized everything I care about. Good riddance.

>>17750386
Give your initial.

>>17752865
I guess that's for the best.
I'm disappointed that we can't be friends, but I totally understand.

I hope your life treats you well, Ebany.

>>17752422
You are a goddamn poet. If you plan to end your life, at least leave a literary legacy, because you write like noone else.

Normally when I read shit like this I cringe, but you have a command of language that reminds me of shakespeare.

Please don't waste such a precious talent; Write stories or plays or inspire others.

>>17752785
Nope.

>>17752886
Neither that post nor the post you just wrote is anything close to Shakespeare. Quit embarrassing yourself and fuck off back to /lit/ where you belong, fake English major.

>>17752979
A written expression of inner pain that isn't "I'm gonna kill myself, how should I do it?".

That's as close to shakespeare as anything on 4chan or in modern literature.

How about you link us to something actually profound, rather than making a fool of yourself.

I'm no english major, and never claimed to be. Thanks for your venomous and pointless fucking advice post though.

>>17752989
>salted because faggot got told to take his pseudo-intellectual whoring back where it belongs instead of on the self-help board

>>17752993
I'm not going to argue with you.

We are completely derailing the thread.

>>17752996
>faggot thinks it was an argument
>faggot thinks the derailment didn't start when faggot spewed his shitty non-opinion about """quality""" writing online, having nothing to do with the OP

lyl

A,

what the fuck are you doing? Get a grip.
By now you could be getting by just fine,
but instead you just sit around, doing shit,
staring at everything you have to-- will fix (tomorrow).

All you want is to get high, how about mighty?
Stop wasting weed and time on what might or not be.
Do. Life is no monster for you to be all Scooby-Doo,
so take off its mask and your nose to the grindstone,
grind stoned, and ask yourself what skill to hone.

Otherwise? death pill. Better die lame than nil.
It's not a flick, you're not the man of steel but still,
grab the wheel and change the lane, then shit will click,
Listen, all we need is the will to do our best,
so just rest, and leave the rest up to me.

A.

>>17752170
I don't know with her. She probably has some level of social anxiety. (Haven't seen her talk to any one, other than two people in our classes together)

She's done so much of the stereotypical shy girl signs, but seems to be very hesitant to go further.

>>17752966
Is your last initial T?

You better call me as soon as you get to lunch. The kids will be at my parents, and I won't be here when you get home. We have some things to talk about...

Come clean and we might actually be able to pick up the fucking pieces.

>>17753330
Yeah, right.
If I came clean you'd turn away in disgust - you don't know the real extent.

>>17753351
Try me, A.

>>17753358
haha

no one will ever know the real extent. No one will.

Even knowing what you do know... why? Why would you want to pick up those pieces?

Those pieces have been passed around by so many.

>>17753388
Kek, trollfag

dear no one,
my life is really good and shit like i have everything you could wish for, like ive had bad shit happen like parents splitting and stuff but their both really happy now and so am i but i feel like theirs something missing and im bored as fuck with everything! and i procrastinate too much fml but all in all lifesgood and shit.

>>17753425
sure

The said so themselves >>17753351

I still cannot believe they would associate with a person known to lie and manipulate them for their own gain only. Like, not "We think he lied" but "We know for sure he lied about multiple things and is a manipulative sociopath".

That was what gave it all away. There's literally no reason to work with those kind of people if you're not the same way yourself.

>>17753824
and then I think back about how you went to my ex who was also a sociopath to fill your head with bullshit.

Bullshit that I proved were lies. Like, factually proved them. As well, my ex would say shit that only an insane person who truly believed their own lies would say. "I would never cheat on you" as she was currently laying in the man's bed she already admitted she cheated on me with.

Both of these people you knew were full of shit but whenever you got angry you started to quote both of them.

Just...

the most confusing shit.

What is wrong with people?

>>17753843
and I think...

I didn't lie once. I'm pretty sure I didn't. I did things without knowing them sometimes but that's not lying. I always apologized and when I promised to do better I did.

The constant lying, emotional abusive, acts of rage. I researched "Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship?" and every sign. I was rarely supported but constantly discouraged. Long ass list of my failures and criticisms but what she liked about me fit on about 4 fingers.

She had absolutely no fucks to give about trying to keep the relationship going and would try to end every argument, no matter how small, or petty, or how... made up it was she would try to break up with me saying "IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" (Like... not lying to me is such a hard thing to ask for)

When I told her about these issues what does she say? Not "ok I'll try to do better I love you". no she says "Why you with me if I'm so awful?"

That... is the big thing. She never took responsibility ever. Always was my fault no matter what. We even talked about this and she said she recognized that she did it. Things like when she would say "Your ex was right! You're always talking about how pretty that russian was!" and I would say "No, I don't. The only time I ever say she is pretty is when you ask "are you only with me because you can't get anyone else? Because she was too pretty for you?" and I would say "Yea, she's pretty and I could have been with her but you're much prettier so no, I'm not with you out of pity" and of course her reply is "OMG SEE YOUR EX WAS RIGHT ALL YOU DO IS TALK ABOUT HOW PRETTY SHE IS"

She never gave a fuck about my opinions or suggestions. That... I would ask her for something that meant so much to me and she would say no instantly. If a near stranger asked for that same thing though? Instantly she does it.

She blamed me for why she was always feeling like shit when I was... by far too loving and caring. She would literally say to me "No you don't" when I said "I love you"

>>17753913
She would make threats to me all the time. Say shit like "You better because a girl like me won't wait long" and "well maybe get a less pretty gf that no one watns to fuck"

Rather than talk to me about things she would just straight up disappear for a long period of times.

Our conversations were so one sided and if I brought up how she seemed busy or distant she would turn to a rage.

She mocked my own problems rather than ever want to talk to me about them. That I have schizophrenia and instead of ever actually doing any sort of research on it she would make fun of me "Oh you seeing things now!? need to get the white coats for you?" or when I told her I was feeling sad or depressed she would say "God way to make me feel like shit. I'm sorry I can't make you happy" even though I told her time and time again that's not how it works at all. That my life could be perfect and amazing I just have a fucked up brain and needed a shoulder to lean on. I never blamed her for any of my issues and I tried to keep them to myself as often as possible.

Which... playing the victim. No matter what she was the victim. When she would be screaming at me, insulting me, smashing her keyboard, resorting to childish name calling and reactions like "UH HUH" and "DURRR NO SHIT SHERLOCK"... so much mocking and sarcasm.

Most of the time (sometimes I got frustrated and said cursed but I always apologized immediately. I'm working on that even now) I would be calm, cool, and sweet to her, trying not to return the insults. She would say I was only doing this to make her feel like shit and guilty.

She would ignore all my requests. Always testing my boundaries with her friends and online posts. Saying things about how lonely she was or other shit that clearly indicated I was being a bad boyfriend.

Constantly accuse me of things that weren't true. A thousand times I was accused of wanting to be with my ex, or that I would cheat on her, or I was flirting with other girls.

>>17752194
Initials?

>>17753937
Omg... Hun... Why would you ever love a horrid bitch like that? Don't you know that you deserve better treatment? It's just... Wow... I could never deal with that kinda stuff on a daily basis

>>17753937
Trivialized my bringing up and my dreams. She would go from loving how humble and down to earth I was to mocking me for being poor and not caring about wanting a lot of money.

She would accuse me of controlling who she could be friends with or who she could see yet I never did that shit. She had nothing but male friends and I told her I was ok with it beside night outtings. I'm sorry but a woman does not spend all night out with a male "friend" and I'm not the only one that's going to say so. Group or friends or occassional hanging out? Sure. But whatever the fuck guess that ended exactly how I thought.

Mean while I wasn't allowed to have ANY INTERACTION WITH A FEMALE EVER. I couldn't reply to them online, I couldn't have a female friend to talk to, I had to stop mentioning past female friends, and even if I mentioned I liked the works of a female I got in trouble. I was accused of wanting to be with every woman ever.

Once I even asked her if I could go ahead and keep talking to one of my female friends that lived literally all the way around the world, already had a boyfriend, and in now way would I ever even have the CHANCE to be with her.

She tried to break up with me.

I tried to get her to do these things but never.. ever did she. She never even went to a psych appt for her obvious issues.

Admit fully to what she has done when she lied

Stop making excuses and blaming me.

Actively work to fix your mistakes. Saying "sorry" means fuck all. It's actions that matter.

Accept responsibility and that if she truly felt bad for abusing me she wouldn't do it.

That It would take time and I would be patient and understanding with her if she tried.... if she tried.

Stop trying to use every little "nice thing" she has done when I tell her she is being abusive. Like as if "being nice" was to be rewarded rather than expected.

Fucking respect me.

To understand how one sided our relationship was. That I was the one constantly trying to communicate .

I love you, and it terrifies me. Not because I love you, no. We've shared that for a long time. But the context has changed, and I love you means something different. Now, I'm scared to tell you that I do.

>>17753950
Because I'm a hopeless romantic that believes people CAN be good in the end...

Despite what she ended up doing...

Just the most fucked up shit.

I'm not perfect either. I know this. I'm truly not. But to say our issues were 50/50 is absolute bullshit. It was easily more 10/90. I was absolutely loving and loyal despite hundreds of signs she was cheating on me so much. She told me I had paranoid delusions and that no one else would think she was cheating....

She literally told me that cheating is ok as long as the partner didn't find out. That some people can love more than one person at once. She told me she was CERTAIN I would cheat on her.

Were were LDR this year when we got back together in May. I broke up with her in december 2015 but she fucking suckered me back in just to do more fucked up shit to me.

She REFUSED to do things I suggested. I told her to get her passport ASAP and when she got a job somewhere months later she still hadn't gotten it. I suggested she see a psych and month after month she would put it off for no reason at fucking all.

We should have been together in august. We should have been together for the last 3 fucking months and only apart for a small time but she kept saying TO ME "YOU JUST WANT TO BE MY ONLINE BOYFRIEND" when I was trying so hard to get to her.

She moved to her new job in Sept, I told her I would be there DAY ONE though not being able to pay the rent equally. Like.. I could give ger $300-400 a month of the $1500 of rent. That I planned to be able to get up to $700/month within 3 months (I do freelance work and I have been very depressed. I know I could have done this given the new atmosphere) she said that was ok... at first. Then she refused to get an apt. Then refused again.

I asked her why and she told me that she didn't want to pay more than $1000 for an apt, even with share. I tried to tell her how absolutely unrealistic that was living in such a large city but nope. She just didn't want to.

>>17753996
what does this mean

>>17754002
She complained about me being too poor right now. That a girl like her "Was use to a certain quality of life."

In college her father gave her something like $800-1000 or so a month for expenses. I told her "damn that's a lot" she replied to me "Yeah but like.. $300 of that went to rent." When I told her "so... uh... then where did the other $700 go?" she acted in shock and horror... like I kicked in her in the gut "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? THAT'S RIDICULOUS. THAT'S NOTHING"

Don't get me wrong, ok? I use to have a nice paying job at $32/h for years and I would pay about $1800 or so in rent (including utilities. city, so...) but still. $700 to have JUST AS SPENDING MONEY THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK FOR? That's crazy to say that isn't a lot.

Right now I am living with my parents because I got extremely depressed 2 years back and my ex cost me $12-$15k of my savings. She gave me so much shit for living with them but...

She lived in her father's mansion of a home. (he doesn't live there though. He just owns homes I guess). She paid him around $80 a month for rent. At this time SHE MADE LESS MONEY THAN I DID.

I made around $400 a month doing my work. I am super depressed though because I have been in such a rough spot. We talked about whoever got a job first the other would move to them. I told her that I would pay the rent if I got the big job first and as long as she TRIED to work any amount she gave would be acceptable. She told me this as well...

It's just... so many double standards. She has so little self awareness.

right now I guarantee she is reading this thinking I am the worst thing that has ever happened to her.

I don't hate her. The things she did were super fucked up though and she doesn't give a shit that she did them. In fact, she surrounded herself with the shittiest people she could find in order to make herself feel better about it.

>>17754011
When a girl says that it means

"I wanted to fuck someone else but let's be friends ok?"

Because they don't understand that new love =/= real love. Women are obsessed with that fresh new passion feeling and when they get into a long term relationship don't expect to have to do any work to make it last. They will still flirt with every man they see, they will treat their man like shit and then after that excitement leaves complain about how he doesn't love her like he use to.

The poor fucker with her now is going to get that "I love you, but it's different now" talk in a year as well.

>>17753996
You wouldn't do the shit you've done to someone you love.

Stop pretending like you tried at fucking all.

Accept that you're being a shitty fucking cunt and if that makes you feel bad then do something to not be one.

File: 1437539755584.jpg (2MB, 2048x1360px) Image search: [Google]

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Hey,

I'm not happy in our marriage. The idea of spending the rest of my life with you leaves me feeling more and more miserable.

I no longer find you attractive. I'm depressed and no longer find myself attractive. I don't like the person that I become when I'm with you. I feel ugly, useless, cowardly.

I do not love you as a spouse should, and know you do not love me as one should. I am here out of obligation, and fear of change.

I hate my life and frequently consider ending it.

>>17754039
and what did I do that you haven't done yourself, hypocrite

>>17754024
Trying to see the good in others regardless of their faults is a great quality to have... Just winds up biting you in the ass more often than not. I'm sure you have memories with her that you prefer over all these horrific ones, but seriously... Do the pros really outweigh the cons here?

>>17754039
Seriously if my ex(aka -> >>17753937
) told me that I would laugh. She can't even admit she cheated on me.... so many times.She truly do not deserve my love or anything I did for her. I know she fucked up the best thing that ever happened to her and if she told me "I love you friend" I'm pretty sure my eyes would roll so hard I would be able to see my own god damn brain.

Enjoy your new relationship that is going to last... what.. 4 months at most? Can you go that long without cheating though?

Or... the man you are with. He's a piece of fucking shit FOR SURE for doing what he did. That's the kind of man you want to be with? The kind of man that has no respect for others? What makes you think he won't do that shit again in the future?

Or why would he want to be with you? You already PROVED TO HIM THAT YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

Perfect for one another. I guess you get off to being treated like shit and for men of no worth.

Seriously, does him wanting to fuck other women and actually doing it make him seem more desirable to you? Like "Oh, look at him he can get so many women he must be so attractive and desirable?"

Do you know how many times I could have cheated in our relationship? Women THROW themselves at me like bitches in heat. Despite my poor status currently I get almost daily messages from girls OBVIOUSLY flirting.

>>17754051
I didn't obsess over an ex and fuck them? And others? I didn't do all of this shit to you -> >>17754024 >>17753972 >>17753937
>17753937 >>17753913 >>17753843

what, because you have been fucking spying on my computer you think you found something bad? Nudes of my ex?

If have nudes of my ex I don't know about it. I'm sure you saw my file structures then. Shit everywhere. If I had them I didn't delete them because I missed them.

I have files going back 10 years of my life. The only ones I touch are at the base level of a drive (and my movies drive)

>>17754054
>'m sure you have memories with her that you prefer over all these horrific ones,
Maybe?

I don't even think they are real anymore. I have NO idea.

>>17754011
>>17754033
>>17754039

Dang y'all I was trying to say I fell in love with them, instead of just loving them.

>>17754051
Seriously my conscious is squeaky fucking clean.

I didn't do any of the shit you ever accused me of.

I never wanted my ex back EVER FUCKING AGAIN. I never flirted with other girls online. I never thought that girl from russia was EVER my life partner or anything other than a friend that I was sorta kinda interested in for a bit but not really BECAUSE SHE LIVED IN FUCKING RUSSIA and she turned out to be exactly like the girl you turned out to be.

I would fucking love for you to tell me what I did oh so wrong that could be REMOTELY as bad as you treated me and did to me.

Fucking seriously.I tried so hard this time too. That I did wrong in my past relationships. That I wasn't romantic enough or I would kinda/sorta flirt when girls like my work. That I didn't try hard enough to make my ex's feel secure or loved or beautiful...

I tried so hard to be a better man than I was in the past and this is all it got me.

what the fuck did you try? You think being constantly abusive like the things up above is trying? Or cheating, is trying?

I'm not fucking around when I say I know what you've been doing.

After I asked you about it before I installed and changed the autdit security logs on my desktop and on t4nks and on the router.

So... I would love to hear what you have to say on this. I really really don't want to make it official. A class b felony up to 20 years.

Copyright infringement lawsuits and more.

I'm too nervous to say any of these things to you, but I really hope our relationship lasts. We've only been dating for about 4 months now, but there's something different about you.
You're quiet and kind, and I can sit in a call with you for hours without saying a word and be completely comfortable. Something about you is very relaxing, which is really rare for me.
You're nothing like my previous relationships, either. You're actually considerate and trustworthy, and I'm extremely happy with you. I know our relationship is young and it could just be
that excitement fueling this hope, but I can't help but falling way harder for you than I ever expected. Enough to boldly say that I believe we could make it.
There's just something different about you.

>>17754135
lol cool m8

>>17754061
Or it's possible that the good memories you have are all from moments she was wearing a mask... Just an illusion. So you fell in love with the idea of her and are repulsed by the reality

>>17754147
People like you are so fucking annoying; just because somebody has inner problems they haven't figured out yet, (and believe me, everyone has mental problems - they show it eventually) doesn't mean they are bad people. The difference is if they show empathy or not. If they recognize the wrong they are doing and apologize no matter the timeframe. If they don't, sure, psycho - but if they recognize it and try to change and keep failing, you have no reason to say anything like that because you are no better clearly so fuck the hell off before I cut your dick off.

>>17754156
> If they recognize the wrong they are doing and apologize no matter the timeframe.

Yeah, she apologizes and then just does the same shit over and over and over again.

And she has taken NO STEPS AT ALL to get better. All she did was push away responsibility onto me and when she keeps being shitty said "WE JUST DON'T WORK".

As if... I was doing anything wrong.

Unless you think saying "I love you" is a terrible thing that needs fixed.

It's the fact she never tried that kills me. Like, she is legit incapable of feeling love.

>>17753042
>>17752170
This is what I mean with her

>She is shy, and kind of doesn't acknowledge me unless I say something, then we can talk for a good while without issue. This is even when it is just us standing next to each other before class.

>Does not initiate texts, but is willing to talk for hours with detailed replies once I get her going

>I have seen her looking at me from a distance, sometimes locking eyes. (once started cracking a smile)

>When I asked for her number, she took my phone and punched it in. (It was the actual number, obviously)

>When I asked her to grab lunch the first time, she said she was busy that weekend, so I offered up Monday, which she accepted.

>Has sat next to me at random on several occasions.

>>17754146
I mean...

If you truly want to play it that way I can.

Just trying to be a good person and not go to the extremes of the law.

You know you would be fucked, right? Like... super fucked.

>>17754217
you can barely afford a lawyer gl with that honey.

>>17753052
No. I doubt the C I wrote to even goes on 4chan.

>>17754231
It's a criminal case.

...

...

And your response is to admit it while not properly talk to me?

Wow, good job.

S,
I have a serious crush on you. I know it's early, but I cant help it.
I'm truly sorry for this.
I want to get off this wild ride, because i'm falling very hard for you.
See you monday.
-S

>>17754241
i doubt the person you want even goes on 4chan

>>17754250
The reason I'm posting it is because literally both of them come here.

One of them is supposedly an "expert" at this and a known sociopath.

She has been action like a sociopath.

I suspected it in the past so I decided to collect logs of whenever it happened again. And it did.

so.. it's not just one offense
18 U.S. Code § 1030 - Fraud and related activity in connection with computers

Multiple accounts of fraud and security breaking.

They would be fucked from the word go. Saved, backed up all the files they tried to change/delete/ect

and here I am trying to be a good person. When... I'm sure he's scrambling to clean his shit I already have enough for them to sift through.

>>17754257
After I shut them down, backed up everything on an external, I turned my computer back on to collect more shit.

honkhonk.

Would I go ahead and press charges?

Oh yes. God yes. It would feel so good.

but they know me. I'm a good guy and I know what they were after. She is just wanting to find shit to make her cheating feel justified and he's going after specific files.

So... I mean... come on.

>>17754264
lol i didn't read any of that
but gl bro so savvy gg

>>17754267
the fact you think I need a lawyer for this is... special but whatever.

>>17754273
k

Matt

I miss you. I wish you'd reach out to me.

>>17748213
I liked you since high school, for over a decade now. I know you liked me too, I know you still do, and I still like you. I can never see it working out though, in that time I've done nothing, I haven't developed at all as a person while I've seen you go through all the normal motions that people do growing up. The big issue though is that I've never had a gf, while I've seen you go through so many boyfriends (although you always come back to me for some strange reason). Knowing that you've fucked at least a dozen dudes while I've been sitting at home for a decade kills me. I wish I'd been through all these girls and then ended up with you. I don't like you less for what you've done, it's totally understandable and normal, but I wish I'd had the same experience because then I'd feel comfortable about the situation rather than inferior. I feel like you want something more long-term and I do too, but I'll never be able to shake the feeling of being the safe bet, the beta nice guy you settle down with.

>>17752494
If you loved her you would be committed to her and not with someone else. Get over yourself.

I found your YouTube channe,l I beat to it sometimes but sometimes I just want to hear your voice.

I'm really sorry that I got practically shoved out the door in the middle of talking to you. I wanted to ask if you wanted to get tea or something after work, but I guess it'll wait until next time. You have my number, call me around noon or drop by the store in the evening.

I know this probably comes on a bit strong, since we've barely had time to talk since I asked you out, but I'd really like to see you again, soon, without work getting in the way.

still though...

I think about the times we would skype together and how fun those talks were. We would talk until we literally could not stay awake any longer. 3-4-5 hours at a time. We just loved talking to one another so much and unlike other relationships where once you run out of past experiences you had nothing left to share. No, when we talked it was always about deeper connections we shared in our lives. Or how to critique something with in great detail by deconstructing the topic.

Just so many times our skypes would get cancelled by her throwing fits of rage out of nowhere. Now, however, I realize that the reason she more than likely bailed on so many of our talks was because she was not alone. That she would get angry at me simply to push me away or cause me to break up with her so she could go on a date or pursue someone else conscious free. The time she asked for a break and I was so confused as to why... not much later she comes back in a crying fit saying how dumb she was being and how she didn't mean it and for hours cried to me to please never let her go. That she NEVER meant it when she tried to break up with me and that I should be patient, understanding, and never judge her for her mental issues.

And I made that promise. I took her actions, recently however, as admittance of guilt. That I shouldn't keep my promise. I told her that I would love her for as long as she would have me as her love...What she did is not what someone would do to someone they love. I'm relieved I no longer have to uphold a promise that had been taking so much from me anymore. She knew I am a man of my word, a loving, loyal, honest, good man that would go through hell to do what I promised.. and I had been through hell.

I miss those talks so much. My days are a dull blank without being able to share all we use to share. Again though... at the same time I don't know if she just used me for attention as she never really did try to get better or close that LDR.

>>17754389
I also know that she is incapable of being in a true, loving, monogamous relationship without first having many months, maybe years, of therapy and medication. Our last argument while she was under the psychosis of rage I tried to help her, I did. I told her that I understood her hostile confusing behavior was the result of a disease. I looked at her and told her "It's not your fault" the mask of anger completely shattered and she broke into tears. She cried... she cried so genuinely, she did.

I told her she wasn't a bad person and in those tears she shook her head and said "You don't know that" and... after a little while when I said it again she said "Yes I am" and that mask came right back on. She got angry, hostile, and vile as she insulted me time and time again. I told her "Can you say that? Can you say that you are not a bad person?" and she fought it, told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

Again, I ask her to say it. Just say it for me. She says "I'm not" and a "MEEHH" kind of way. I told her no, to actually say you are not a bad person... She told me I was fucked up, that I was sick and I got off to this or something. Told me that I was a delusional schizo and more. She literally could not say those words to me. She absolutely, truly believes to her core she is not a good person. She hates herself and it breaks my heart. She can be a good person. She can...

Right now she is dangerous. She hurts people, many people, and her friends enable her by continuing telling her to avoid her problems. Telling her that she doesn't have her disorder in order to make her feel "normal". They tell her that I never loved her, that I am ASPD, that our relationship would never work, and other bullshit just because he wants to fuck her. Her other friends don't know better. They think agreeing with someone to make them feel better short term is how you help people.

I can't help her. She hates me now. She needs professional help.

>>17754411
I am so lonely and sad... That I no longer have my little baby to talk about art, love, and all those beautiful things.

I get so fucking angry for all the abusive shit she put me through. All the hateful, demeaning words that shattered my self-esteem. The fucked up shit she did to me in the last couple months and all the deceit.

I feel so relieved I don't have to put up with all of those lies and abuse. That I no longer have to keep a promise that took so much from me when I deserved to be loved so much more.

And... I feel so disappointed in her lack of commitment and caring. That all the words she said were so meaningless and lies. That when she told me her life was a dull blank without me or that I was her number 1, 2, 3, INFINITY! That she would cry at the thought of me going down on one knee and her taking my last name made her proud.

I feel so badly that I couldn't help her with her mental illness. Her ignorant friends and sociopath hired help abuse & use her. They ignore she is suffering, that she can't help these things, they think that it was our relationship that was the problem and not the fact she has borderline personality disorder. They don't understand that this will just happen time and time again, That the only reason our relationship lasted as long as it did was because she found the most loving, caring, and patient man on the planet.

But again... I feel relieved that is not my responsibility. I recognize that it never truly was. Only a professional psychiatrist can help her with those issues and she refuses to get that help. She is being self destructive. I am not perfect, I have so many mental health issues myself but for fuck's sake people...

I'm hopeful as well. That I will be able to know what love feels like truly. That I will find someone that... they don't have to be perfect. I do not expect that. I expect them to be good, however. To put for the effort. To try. To love.

I feel all of this at once... I'm so confused.

You should become a person instead of a monster. Everything you do is to take advantage of someone else. I've watched you do it for a long time and you've made me like you. I no longer think of people as people anymore, because of the things you've done to me, and the worst part is.. I want to make people feel the same way I do. I don't know what all happened to you, but I wish I could help you find peace with it, although at this point I've come to accept that I probably never will, and I'll just have to settle for the next best thing.

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I met you the summer before my senior year of high school.
I was a model student. Teachers praised me, and my peers looked up to me.
I don't know how you made me end up the way I did.
By the end of high school, I was falling behind. I no longer spoke in front of the class. I was no longer vocal and opinionated.
You had taken so much away from me, and replaced these things with insecurity and doubt.
You made me hate myself. I never knew someone could hold so much power over me until you came.
I loved you unconditionally. So very unconditionally. Your face and your voice crosses my head 144 times a day. Accidentally, may I add.
I have tried my best to move on, to get past the tremors you left, yet I still haven't. I'm in my third year of college now. Premed.
I have met countless of people over the course of these years, but they are not you.
I distanced myself away. It has been a year now since I told you we needed to stop talking. I wonder if you still think about me.
As much as I love you, I will never go back. I will move on. Someday, I will meet someone whose eyes no longer reflect yours.

Till we meet again, marshmallow.

>>17754302
If she's liked you all along, then it has nothing to do with "settling down with the beta nice guy." I can guarantee you're probably the one she's been hoping for all along, if you two have had a thing for each other this entire time

>>17751764
I have been going well.
Just refriend me on Facebook.

>>17754441
My ex said this and I have a feeling you might be her.

That I.. "forced" her to fall in love with me.

it's funny though. Her friend, the hired help, told her that I only complimented her because I was trying to manipulate her. That I never truly meant the words I told her. All my love letters were fake and empty. My poems, worthless. My paintings where I spent... hundreds of hours were no good.

You know what all 3 of you have in common? That YOU are the sociopaths. My ex, IL, truly believed her own lies. I mentioned before, how she said "I could never get over you that quickly, I couldn't cheat on you." while she was laying in another man's bed, the man that cheated on me.

R would tell me how she wasn't a cheater, she wasn't a liar and yet... how many lies did I catch her in? About the people she was with. How many broken promises? She got so offended when I was wondering if she had an STD. So angry. Turns out that YES, she DID have an STD in the end.

The hired help, J, lied about so much. He lied about photos of her being posted. He lied to her about me posting racist things about blacks and latinos. He lied about so much shit...

Yet I am the monster. The man weeping night and day at all the lies, abuse, and deceit. The man that has been cheated time and time again. I wrote so many poems, love letters, and genuine paintings, 20x that I have received my self. I GIVE AND GIVE AND GIVE AND ALL YOU TAKE FROM ME. THEN SHUN ME. SAY I AM THE MONSTER.

What did I lie about, huh? What? I didn't lie to her, ever. I was always trying so hard to be good.

What shes doing now a person like me NEVER WOULD DO. I never wanted any other girl in our relationship. ever.

just... why... why do this to me... why does no one believe me... why does no one love me?

I would gladly put our EVERY CONVERSATION I'VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE.

Would these 3 people do that? These 3 people known to lie, manipulate, and keep secrets?

>>17754136
Aw, I wish this was to me :<

>>17754470
I get so much abuse, so many lies spread about me, that people wonder why I blow up or talk about these things online.

because they aren't true. I want to post our conversations we have had. I do. I want to post every single one where I was so loving and calm and she was being RIDICULOUS.

I showed these to my close friends to get their advice. To see where I went wrong. To see if I could do better.

R said my apology to her when I got angry ONE TIME wasn't genuine. That it was fake and a copy of another apology to my ex IL...

Perhaps they were similar because you two abused me so much? That you both accused me of using my depression to manipulate you yet IL would literally lock herself in the bathroom and start cutting herself when I told her she would break up. Then again, she pretended to try and hang herself on the curtains.

But I'm manipulative?

I broke up to IL to her face. R just vanished without a trace and her sociopath friend supports that decision. Because he wants to fuck her. Because he knows that I was so good to her, that all I ever did was love her truly and support her in everything she did.

Yet... she lied to me so much. Told me that she had leukemia, no, cancer.. no, HPV that can cause cancer, no, just HPV but not sure what kind, No HPV6... NO THAT SHE HAD IT THE ENTIRE TIME AND MADE IT ALL UP TO FUCK WITH ME.

IL put the burden of tens of thousands of dollars in lease agreements, utilities, bills, everything on my shoulders when I supported her and her lazy mother for 4 years. They never once paid rent, utilities, bills.

She admitted to have used me for more than a year as she waited for her inheritance check from her dead grandfather she never knew. The second she got her check, she fucked another man, bought a bunch of apple shit, cameras, and more and left the state. I had to leave as well in such a depression back to home... cost me tens of thousands of dollars...

She paypaled me $250 & told me "That should cover my part"

>>17754459
It's not about what she thinks, but how I feel. I'm an awkward khv (I could never figure out why she liked me anyway). I will always feel like a beta, I will always feel that I'm a loser for not having any sexual experiences like what she had when she was younger. I feel that people will look at us and they'll see me as that loser she settled down with, because it would be true, I am. I just wish I had had even one or two girlfriends before her so our positions would be more equal. I need to emphasise that I'm not judging her past but my own, I feel awful for even thinking like this because she's so nice and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her.

>>17754491
Forgot to mention... my friends all told me she was being an abusive bitch.

I even talked about those conversations on here. Thats the reason why she started coming her was to spy on me to see if I was ratting her out to people online. I never used her name. No one ever knew who she was..

But the people on her as well told me "abusive bitch, get out." One guy even told me "The next time a woman says they like nice guys, not assholes, I'm going to bookmark this guys post. Rough."

and the apology... R told me that it wasn't genuine because I edited it so many times. Because I wanted to LOOK LIKE THE NICE GUY ONLINE.

maybe I edited it so many times was because I wanted it to so genuinely reflect my heart? So that you KNEW I was sorry for saying those nasty words. I don't ever want to call you names. I felt fucking terrible immediately after. I posted that apology and what did your hired sociopath do? When he saw that you were going to accept my apology he panicked and told you I posted nude photos online. He lied, I didn't do that shit. He did it because HE wanted you. How many times did he hit on you? How many times did he tell you "Don't worry about transfer property. You know, falling in love with your savior?" Saying how hes "totally a professional" but you looked STUNNING in the nude photo he tricked you into sending him. That he needed it for "research". How many times did he say that "It's ok if we talk after this right? No reason not to, wink wink." how he waited for the VERY FUCKING MINUTE for you to get home to message you? Tried to impress you with his "guns"

what a pig.

Her friends, every single one of them, the hired socio path, R herself, plus IL...

They call me an abusive, manipulative monster.

I'm 100% open how I feel. I give everyone all the information to make their own decisions. I don't hold any of my thoughts back. If I don't like someone I fucking say it their face not behind their backs like a coward.

I hold value to my word.

>>17754503
>>17754441
I truly believe that they can't accept the reality that a person like me exists. Someone honest, open, and good. Someone that means it when they say "I'm say, I messed up." Someone that means it when I say "I love you" or "You're the most beautiful woman in the world my tiny baby."

You can't believe it because you're so terrible. That YOU lie to everyone. That YOU manipulate those around you. That YOU are so insecure and filled with guilt the only way to not be absolutely crushed underneath it all... is to lie to yourself. Tell yourself "No, no. It's these people that are bad. Not me."

Again... I would gladly post our conversations online. I would gladly do anything someone asks to prove I'm not lying. I have nothing to hide. Not a god damn thing.

I cannot understand how fucking delusional someone has to be to look at me and say "You're a lying abusive monster that tricks people into liking you." when they themselves have told so many lies, openly admitted to being manipulative, and ... just fucking christ what is wrong with people?

(I don't know you anon. You MIGHT be one of the people related to me because that's easily something they would say but if you're not then I know exactly how you fucking feel)

While you've been getting your whole fucking house to smoke weed, I've been getting beaten, choked, raped, and had to live in a shelter till I found a place and then I get to listen to people scream like fucking assholes at each other downstairs. You get majorly depressed without your drug and I'm over here enjoying my sobriety and going to school now. You wear diapers cause youre too fucking high to go to the bathroom while my job has me walking 10 miles a day. Youre a drain on everyone you touch and you know it, thats why you cry yourself to sleep.

Why the fuck did you leave me you even go on rants saying you made it all up, that i never did anything to you. You left me for my fucking ex? Seriously? And then you would complain that they didnt give you enough attention, yeah thats what happens when you get with someone that has 4 other people theyre dating.

You SAY shit happened to you, i fucking LIVED it. So put on your fucking big girl panties and realize how shitty your life got after you left me. I would have come back to you, but you can suck my dick now, bitch.

Maybe thats why you left...

>>17754514
>You SAY shit happened to you, i fucking LIVED
BRO

Let's hang out. I've been ranting for like a fucking hour how I've been constantly fucked over CONSTANTLY by abusive, lying, manipulative as fucked women that SHOULD have the most amazing lives ever as they have been gifted amazing, privileged lives of wealth and some genuinely considerate, loving, caring, and loyal partners.

No man. The problem? They are borderlines. They don't feel love like we do. They don't feel that genuine connection between two people. They ONLY get love through fucking. That's it.

However... they love men like us as well because we are so compassionate and giving. They THRIVE off of us.We are lovers. We love to love and will so willingly give that love...

Except borderlines feel like that love is worthless with how easily they get it. In their minds they think everyone is like them. That because they will so easily sleep with other people that if you give them love while they are being so shitty to you... you will start to give your love to someone else as well. So before YOU cheat on them... they cheat on you.

Except you and I.... we wouldn't cheat. We aren't like them.

it's fucked up.

Just realize that you cannot help them. It's not up to you. They need profession help and they will ONLY get that help when they lives come crashing and burning down around them. When they are left in the gutter fucking needle in arm, riddled with STDs, and breath of vodka.

>>17754526
>>17754514
Bordlerines love alcohol, heroin, weed, unprotected sex, and other impulsive shit.

seriously, watch this video and you will be like "OMG MY FUCKING LIFE IS THIS"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CUwfWxq2-w&list=LLs8mu8ksIbp9BUtv4qmRJ-A&index=2

I know she comes off as that like... older bar trash from the midwest kinda woman but everything she says is... so so accurate.

You cannot be with someone like that if they are noto seeking therapy. Like... MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK THERAPY.

and medication. Therapy is not enough for these people. They need to have their flight or fight response numbed to near nothing. Anti-psychotics like abilify and antidepressants like zoloft, effexor, prozac, wellbutrin.... If they aren't taking then... your life will be a living hell.

Hope is the awful thing that keeps me going now. I go to class with the hope I might be able to see you laugh. I browse this stupid board hoping that maybe, for some unfathomable reason, you might be posting on the same thread I skim through. That you might miss me, still love me. That you have some poetry in you I never got to see. But you don't, you wouldn't, and probably never did.
The thing that moves me is false, just like you. With these nights I am becoming it.
Selfish, too, like you are.
I'm lying when I say I wish you well.

>>17754537
The part that sucks the most is when she talks about how they are with sex... How when a borderline doesn't really love someone they will just fuck the shit out of them but once they start to have genuine feelings for someone...

They will stop being physically intimate altogether.

And when they are action in legit Love...

They will disappear completely.

In the end you just sorta pity them for not truly being able to control their shitty behavior and just sad because you got sucked into their vortex of destruction.

If you care too much you will be the idiot thinking "No, I can do this. I can endure the pain. I know they are sick. I understand them, I can emphasize with their struggle. I will push them to be a better person and to see professional help..."

they will break you.

Just... get help... ok?

Do it for the little guy under your bed.
Do it for the white kitty.

He will get his sometime too. He will get his love and happiness eventually as well.

>>17754514
>I've been getting beaten, choked, raped, and had to live in a shelter till I found a place
u wot m8, that sounds pretty intense.

>>17754511
It happens and it seems your adversary may have been bidding for control over his next favorite playtoy. In any case, I would say it is best to not get involved with people like that, but if you do.. Have some fun with them. Of course, that's not the smartest thing to do, but it's the most entertaining.

>>17754556
That's sad. Get over that nigger. You can't spend your life caring about someone who doesn't care about you. At least you know this person doesn't care about you. That's enough to make a choice with.

>>17754573
he can have her then, really. If I have to put this much heartache into someone that gives no fucks I'm in so much pain...

She does not love me. If she does and is still doing alll of that shit... That's not the kind of love I'm into. I like to be embraced, kissed, and have my sorrows soothed.

I'm all about that "Treat others how you would like to be treated" thing.

hell, they might be about that too. Which explains why they are both abusive, manipulative, and liars.

it seems like I am just hating on her but I'm truly not. I do not hate her.

If she's offended by any of these things, if they make her feel bad, then that's on her. They are HER actions. She did this shit, not me. If she doesn't like to be called a liar she should stop lying. If she doesn't like to be called abusive, stop abusing people.

I haven't lied here, really anywhere in the last couple years, at fucking all. I honestly do not give any fucks what the majority of people think about me... only her really. And I so badly wanted her to think I was a loving, honest, good man so that is what I was.

She was the opposite. I was the last person she cared what I thought about her. Again, if I wasn't then she has a funny (huehuehue) way of showing it.

took the weekend off for you but you already ditched me to smoke with your friends. said you would call but it's 1am, when i called to see if you were okay, you were annoyed. you've done the same with me when i was with buddies, and id make sure to call ya for a while so you felt less lonely.

i don't know of you're going to cut the coard soon, but i really hope you don't. you make me happier than ive ever been in life, and maybe it's selfish of me to be so clingy, but there's something about you that makes me feel so damn good. life without you would be a wreck, ive already tried it and i was completely destroyed, i know I sound like every other fucking person out there but i don't know if i could move on. im worried about the future, i think ive already fucked it up by being such a screw ball, but im clingy and i worry because i care, i don't want you to get hurt again. i really want to build my self esteem so i can be a better man for you, and im trying. please don't give up on me yet.

J

>>17754472
Don't worry, anon. Someday it will be :)

>>17754592
>If she's offended by any of these things, if they make her feel bad, then that's on her. They are HER actions. She did this shit, not me. If she doesn't like to be called a liar she should stop lying. If she doesn't like to be called abusive, stop abusing people.

Maybe she doesn't mind being called these things, because it's more fun to hurt and upset people than help them. The fact you say these things prove how much she's hurt you. I've been around a lot of people who are like that, so I know they aren't all that uncommon. Sadism is a bug feeding on the flesh of a mind contributing to something greater some can't see as it happens.

Notoriety is something that people who hate a lot enjoy. It doesn't make them any better of a person in the long run, but it can be fun for certain types of people. I won't say they're good people or bad people. It's hard to classify anyone on any objective level without resorting to sychonicities and speculation as to intentions. Anyway, that quote of you reminds me that all people are responsible for their own actions and thoughts, because ultimately no one has control over what you think and do even if many will try to influence you in nefarious ways.

>>17750643
>>17752136

E,

Every morning I wake up I still think of you. And it hurts me like nothing. But every morning it is less.
I did truly love you, remember when I said all I wanted was just to have you with me on the couch?
But that was when we started growing apart... Or you did. You started to neglect me, only came to mine to sleep after being with your friends for the night. We would try to hang out but you'd already be asleep. I feared you were going to leave me. And the next argument we had, I left you.

And you moved on so fast. Not telling me about it for months, just so I would still give you my cat.
Though I love you, I know now that you have become a manipulative cunt.
You are anxious dependent, this is why you did not even mourn me before you found someone new to fulfill your insecurities.
Did you even love me truly?
You manipulated me all this time, so "I wouldn't hurt you" and that I'd let you see my cat and later give him to you?
You're disgusting. You are no longer the girl I fell for.

But I love you. Thank you for all you've done for me before, I really wonder what changed you from such a kind person to this.
And I will still always love you. It's the way I am, call me naive, stupid, insane, I don't care.
My honor and purity of passion, I will not stain because of you.

Enjoy your rebound. Hope he at least can form sentences in english.
Now I realize that it may not even have been my madness, but you, that made me so miserable since you started to change.

u r a fagit

>>17754604
I go from pain and sadness for what she did (still doing really. I don't expect her to come back) It's so fucked up. Makes me think that I was the one to do something TERRIBLE to her in order for her to do something so extreme. I feel like shit and I just want to kill myself.

then I go from depression to thinking about why I loved her so much and I want to let her know.

then I get angry at her, thinking "I love her that much and she did this to me? WHAT THE FUCK IS HER PROBLEM. HOW FUCKED UP IS SHE"

then I remember "that's right. she's SUPER fucked up. So am I. I understand. I emphasize."

then I feel sorry for getting angry and I feel shitty. I should never have gotten that mad EVER because getting mad at someone is wrong.

then I just... want her to be ok. To get help and wish her happiness. I miss her but she has a mental illness that needs to be addressed and I can't do that for her.

then I just feel helpless and worthless again. That my love meant nothing and my help wasn't enough.

That's how I feel now. I... Sorry for our situation. I care far too much and she can't help it that she doesn't care.

Not to say she is happy. Poor girl is 100% miserable right now as well. Just makes me want to show her that yes, she is loved. Yes, she can be better if she get's help. Because I loved her so much... and... I'm going to be ok. Get help little baby.

Sociopath guy will tell her that all of my extreme reactions are attempts to manipulate her. He will tell her "See, He goes from hating you to trying to apologize. That mean's it's not genuine. He's just trying to get you to stay.

Which is fucked up because... I'm angry because I gave her so much love and ANYONE would be angry to be treated like this. That doesn't mean they don't love them anymore. I can't help I have emotions too. I get caught up in them but the fact I try to make up for it is proof it's all out of love and caring.

And if she came crawling back I would say no... that's not enough.

>>17754651
>And if she came crawling back I would say no... that's not enough.

That's the important thing. That she is the one that cause me this much pain. It was HER decision to do all of those abusive things to me, to lie, hide shit, and every time I told her I had enough she would freak out and desperately pull me back in.

which might be what shes trying to do.To keep me away from her destruction.

but she needs to know that I am simply ranting. I'm not realllyyyy writing to get her to feel anything. She will just know this is how I felt. That I loved her so much, that I was hurt deeply by her actions, but I understand and do not hate her but she needs help or this will keep happening. More innocent people will continue to get hurt and she will not find her happiness.

I think... maybe, in the future after she has had help...

I want to be happy too. I want to know love. I want to know what it's like to have someone love me unconditionally like I love. Someone that won't immediately give up whenever they are asked to put effort into the relationship. Someone that will Say "Thank you I love it so much. I know how much work you put into this and that means so much to me" when I make them a painting. Someone that will believe me when I say "I love you" because they KNOW they are worthy of love because they truly GIVE love.

>>17754667
She knows that... I do not like to play games. I hate that shit so much. I'm not going to post about how badly I don't "miss her" in order to make her to want to work for me more. I won't gush openly open love in order to lure her in with false love and affection claiming I'm not hurt.

I am not manipulative.

I am open... I am TOO open. I talk a lot...

This is a new thing. I think a lot more than I use to in the past because of my scattered mind. I have so much to say and no one cares and no one listens. So... I just... write. Unfiltered emotions, genuine and true.

I wish I could just hibernate for a few months and maybe be in a better place. Mostly I just want everyone to feel like they are deserving of love. To love themselves and ...

I'm a weirdo. I know that. I don't belong anywhere. I was always the outcast. I truly am. I'm alone all by myself.

She is alone as well. She is an outcast that doesn't belong anywhere. Except she is absolutely surrounded by people.

The reason she loved me was because I'm a weirdo, freak of freaks. A schizophrenic surrounded by spiders and a ghost kitty. When she was with me she knew she was with someone that truly understood her. I think she became afraid of me... that I would leave her and she would be alone in a terrifying environment she knew nothing of. She would be alone and by herself.

So she left and surrounded herself by people but shes still all by herself.

And I'm back to being alone, by myself. Sad, knowing that I wouldn't have left her. I was so happy in my new environment...

>>17754323
Link?
We could all beat to it.

I hate that I met you at this point in time. I fell in love with you and I know I'm not supposed to. I've gotten better but there's still something lingering there that I can't get rid of.

I hate that I met you because of how I feel about you. You have been such a good friend to me and we have been so selfless with each other. No other friend has expressed so much kindness to me, and I've never felt so at ease with anyone before.

I wonder what those "somethings" were that you saw in her that made you decide to marry her. She's a nice person, but sometimes the way you talk about her makes me think you don't have all that much in common. Maybe it just works that way. Still, I hope she treats you right because you are such a special person. You deserve to be loved so, so much.

>>17751896
Last initial for you and him?

I have thought that I need to be institutionalized but then I think those places are terrible, terrible places.

I thought of extreme plans to contact you but realized they were too extreme and backed out. They were not meant to be threats just desperation out of my need to stop the ruminating thoughts. I mean... they aren't dangerous or harmful or hurtful but just when I realized it yeah, that would be desperate and sad.

I still wonder if I should get institutionalized but what are they going to do? I am a danger to myself might, though extremely unlikely, kill myself. I get so close sometimes you know. I truly do. Usually I just need to let out frustrations and rant and hen I do that edge is off.

honestly I'm just ticking down the clock till I can take my sleeping pills and go to sleep. I wake up and that clock is back at t-minus 12 hours. 11 hours. 10 hours. 9 hours......

I know that's no way to live.

I don't have anywhere to go though. I live in such a small town. There isn't anyone here to help me.
I was looking forward to that so much.

I'll kill those 12 hours one day at a time. Maybe I'll finally get another break. I'll keep working. I'll keep having these thoughts though the entire time because you know that's how this works right? That I'm not making this up? I would be curios to see how long you would lost in my mind. There be monsters waiting, circling, teeth dripping with gold...

How long do you think you would last before you you were smashing your skull against the wall trying to silence the noise.Nothing you do will make them go away. The thoughts. Always there, always pounding at max volume.

I think about taking all my money, filling a shopping cart with camping supplies and just start walking west. Not north west, just west. Just sorta start wandering. Become the homeless man I'm destined to be. Yelling at invisible cats and spiders. We both know that's what happens to be people like me, right? Noble prize winner was homeless for so long

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i really just dont know what to say. you were the first person i loved in such a romantic way. you will always be that to me. despite all the times i just felt like you either didnt care or didnt realize how it looked that way, you will always be that. I promised you i would never be the one to break up with you, or that i could never find someone else, but... the more i thought about our relationship, the more i realized that it just couldnt work. you had your own problems and just didnt seem mature or ready to handle something serious. i tried my best to rationalize you, give you leeway, and the fact that you did stay committed all the way through, but you were just never there. even when you said you would be, i just couldnt count on you. maybe we can look pass this, and youll always be the first girl i loved... but i will also remember how naive both of us were, especially me. i dont know if we'll ever talk again, but i wont hold any grudge, but i guess... well there it is

>>17754783
I'm suppose to scream and shout in anger at what you're doing.

I'm suppose to be patient, loving, and understanding. To tell you it's going to be ok and I'll be here when you''ve found whatever it is you're looking for.

But then I'm suppose to take care of myself and not be with someone that would do such shitty things to someone they supposedly love. To do such shitty things at such a time that was suppose to be so amazing and filled with such true genuine love.

But this is what happened and you did it with such shitty people as allies.

I'm suppose to play games.

I'm suppose to stop everything altogether.

Instead I just do it all because I truly feel all of these things. The world is not black and white god damnit. You cannot love someone that treats you so shitty. You cannot forget how much you loves that person however and how so badly you just want to be with them again though. That you wish they would cut the fucking shit and just come home to you so we can be like we were last year. Spending half the day in each other's arms, make love and then watch some ww2 war movies as we eat out favorite breakfasts and you sip on your coffee made with so much love.

I think I'll take my sleep aids and dream of those times again...

But those are not sweet dreams. They are nightmares... the worst nightmares I've ever had.

Because when I wake up I realize how far away those times are now. I wake up knowing that they SHOULD be happening right now but they aren't and I don't know why.

I'm sorry I'm fucked up.

I'm sorry you're fucked up.

T-minus 35 minutes...

M,

I miss you. I miss everything about you. Your nervous laugh, your lovely smell, the way your smile could catch me in the moment and it felt like it was just me and you. I find myself thinking about you all the time. I remember the first time we made eye contact. I had caught you and your eyes shot away, but you had the cutest, sliest grin on your face. You asked me for my number after class and my heart was pounding. I thought you were weird at first, but I loved it about you. I still do. My stomach still knots up when when I see you, my heart races when you walk by. You were the only person I could talk to about everything, the only genuine person who seemed to really care. Do you miss me too? I heard you were in denial when you heard we were going to the dance together. I didn't know you'd be part of the group. You were stunning that night, and I wish I would've told you. Letting you go still haunts me. Falling away from you seemed for the best, but I realize now that it was the biggest mistake I've ever made and probably ever will make. I want to feel your head on my shoulder again, clasp our hands and hold you tight and tell you how much I've missed you, catch up on the months we've missed together. But I can't. It wouldn't be fair to her, or to you. I saw you've found someone else. She looks like she makes you happy. I hope you are. That's all I could ever want for you.

-C

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I hate my mind. I think that there's no reason to do what you're doing. If you think that I would try to guilt trip you back into being with me if you just don't love me then you're wrong. I've never done that. I've always called you on your bullshit though. You never could actually think of a reason to break up with me that let you do it without guilt. So whenever you gave me a reason I would say "What? No. What? Of Course I love you. Of course I wouldn't cheat."

You would say how you're not good enough for me and how you will love me forever. But if you didn't love me, if you don't love and just feel guilty for not loving you because of how amazing I treated you... that's fine. I understand that. I would just not be what you wanted. How many times have I told you that was ok?

So I think... you had to have done something so awful, so terrible that you cannot face me and tell me what it was. In which case... you need to tell me. I promise you I won't judge you, I understand, and I'll be ok. That just knowing what happened is the BEST thing for me AND FOR YOU. To clear yourself of that guilt. Because again... no one would do this unless they were guilty as fuck.

At the same time I have that promise... and I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I have all these thoughts, emotions, and feelings and I know that even if you were innocent and you didn't do anything that you still don't deserve me. That anyone that would do this is terrible and awful to cause someone that loves them so much extreme pain out of being selfish.

If you're afraid that you're unable to control your manipulative behavior and that's why you can't tell me... then tell M and have her pass the message along. At the very least I need to know why and it has to be damn good why at this point for me to believe it...

I told you I was the pup no one wanted and that little girl that picked out Rider picked me... and that dog is loyal and will wait unless put out of it's misery.

Dear A,

when you were sick that one day I left university early to visit you because you said that "you miss me so much and would love to see me". I got you all that stuff like tea etc. from the shop and I was looking forward to see you all day and didn't care whether I'd catch myself flu, too. I came to your home all happy and you opened and didn't smile once, you were serious and mumbled a "hello". We went upstairs to your room and I unpacked the stuff I brought and you just said "I have that already" and no thank you. You laid back into your bed and looked annoyed. I sat on your floor because there was no chair for me and told you a little bit from uni. Your face told me all the time that you're not interested and annoyed. You asked me when I had to go to work and I responded "my bus is leavin at 9p.m." you got huge eyes and said "thats still more than an hour!" and then everything happened really quickly. You asked me in a roundabout way to leave because you're tired and after half an hour I had to leave your warm room to get out there on the streets, all alone, in glistering cold, more than an hour earlier than my bus would leave. All this because you couldn't stand me sitting there with you for maybe not more than another half an hour. I waited an hour in the cold and dark with scary people all around and not once did you text me if I arrived anywhere safely because you didn't care. I could hold my tears barely in when I left your room and cried on the way to the bus stop. This hurt my heart so badly... I'll never forget that you did that. I meant only well because I love you and you treat me that way.

I haven't eaten in... 3? 4? days now.

Stack of plates are growing near my computer. What is today even? Monday? Tuesday?

T-

Remember that I told you how lonely I was. I wasn't an easy person to be with.

The last thing you ever told me was to enjoy my solitude.

Past every poisonous thing I said, every hate-filled paragraph, you snuffed out a light I didn't even know was there with three words.

Anything you could have said would have hurt, but you chose to gently remind me of the only thing that would unmake me if I had heard it from someone else with spite.

I'm sorry for the things I said to you. And I'm sorry for the things I did. It has been three years, and every day since things feel through has an echo of the one before it.

I don't know if this is love, or whatever is left over. Whatever it is, I feel it every day. It's like when you fall asleep on your arm and it goes numb. Feels halfway between hot, cold, and falling nowhere. You try to move your fingers and can't, you can feel yourself doing the things you need to do to move them, but nothing happens. Feel it inside and out.

Still alone, still lonely. Don't talk to anyone anymore. But, as they say, shit gets worse before it gets any better. Hope's a blade of grass in the rain, and things get better.

Hope you're still making art.

- Bub

it's going to be...

it's... going to...

it's...

>>17755039
Everything is fine, anon.

F,
I love you, I know we've been together for 3 years now, turning 4 years this November, but I'm tired of our relationship. Don't blame yourself please, it's all on me. I think I just want something or someone new, although I know it's impossible for some other girls to like me, I just want something new. My attitude towards you maybe adds to my decision, I'm a selfless prick, you give me tons' of stuff I want which sometimes ticks me off. I know we're just on a cool off but breaking up sometimes crosses my mind yet I don't want to be alone because I know no one would bother being with me. I'm sorry I fell for D during our college trip, I still like her as of writing this. Sorry for all the shit I put you through, though I think I did made you happy at some point. I hope you can just forget about me and move on, it's for your best and please don't worry about me being alone, I may be scared of loneliness but I'm used to it. I love you.

D,
Hey, have I ever told you that I hate it when I see you with my him? I know, he's one of my best pal and I'm not really your boyfriend, I'm just your best friend but it really hurts to see you two together. I smoke because I want YOU to notice and tell me not to, it makes me feel like you care even if you don't. I know F also tells me not to but it doesn't affect me. I've fallen for you, that's why these past 2 months I've been texting you, But clearly this is just one sided. I hope you're happier with my friend than being with me.

>>17754765
Mine is H, his B

Just come back. Please. Please.

x

S

You forgave my fuckups and are still barely talking to me. I should be happy for that. But I feel more for you than you ever will for me. I knew it would happen. You live a crazy young hot girl life surrounded by people and your young and have the whole world lining up for you. Me I'm a lonely loser who has failed at everything. And i know I'll never have a chance for anything real with you besides getting to fuck you every now and then. So I need to move on as hard as it is to do that. I've got plans to get my shit together and I'm afraid I'll fail at that. But I really can't handle you anymore.

K

>>17755525
I never left you in the first place

C,

I hate you. I hate you for the person you are, and every fucking thing you've done. Fuck you for taking advantage of me. Fuck you for always pulling shit that gets you into a deeper hole. Fuck you for taking advantage of your grandparents. Fuck you for walking out on your own child. Her mum seemed like a piece of shit, too.
I know life has been tough. But you have had so many chances to have a fresh start, to clean up your act. Instead? You throw it out the window. I hope I never see you in the future.

E,

I'm sorry for what I did. I know there's no forgiving my actions, and I have no excuses. I don't know why I did it. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I hope that you find someone who can replace me well, who would do anything to protect you and make you happy.
I hated myself several hours after my actions, internally brewing a cocktail of self-hatred, guilt and sadness. When you broke up with me, I accepted it easily without feeling heartbroken. Because I was expecting the worst.
And I'm sorry that it hurts to be around me; that it's what stops you from hanging out in our group of friends. I will make sure that you don't have to be around me again.
Know that my last words to you were sincere.

J

You probably don't remember me, but that's for the best. I wasn't genuinely nice to you, but instead emotionally manipulated you and then tossed you out like yesterday's trash.

I wasn't a good person back then. I'm not a good person now. But I do feel bad for what I did. I know that don't mean shit.

I hope the world is treating you better.

T,

I miss you. I'd contact you but I fear you're keeping your distance and I wouldn't want to annoy you.

S

>>17748352
you think you are.

File: 1435004339577.jpg (8KB, 355x364px) Image search: [Google]

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Dear K:

Does taking the dick of that guy from the army fall under your definition of "asexuality"?

-A

dude, you remember what I told you that you needed to do? you're not doing it. stop fucking caring, move the fuck on. holy shit over 50 percent of this thread is just your novels dude.

>>17756153
Well he and his ex gf shit up the thread on the regular, whenever I see their initials und the wall of text I get ptsd flashbacks.

who's the brit in this thread im gonna fuck him or her in the ass

I've filled my glass with brandy
put Harry Nilsson on
Cheers to you all
Will see you never

Just come and love me, I'm so near you, I'm here for you, don't leave, and we'll be so endlessly happy together

Hey, ...

I know we dont talk much, we arent even really friends for that much.. but i wanna talk to you, i kinda have to confess something to you. Dont think to much about it tho

Meet me at [...] around 4. If thats oke?

I wish you were still alive

A,

This may come as a surprise to you, though I'm sure that you've probably already read straight through me due to how damn intelligent you are, but dear god I'm in love with you. We're such close friends and have been for so long, that I figured this little secret would just go to the grave with me. The timing hasn't been right, and simply may never be. Yet as I'm leaving for this little deployment, the thought crossed my mind to leave no stone unturned, because why not?

I've been through quite a bit since moving across the country a couple years back, and I know that you have too. As the distance naturally drives us apart overtime like it always does, I often catch myself wondering what the good and the bad of your day was, and all of the things that I could say to you if I were still there just to catch a glimpse of your smile. I've had the pleasure of knowing far more people than I can remember along the years, but there isn't a single doubt in my mind that you're the most incredible girl that I've ever met.

I hope that one day we have a chance at us, but regardless, know that I'll always be there for you; at the very least cheering you on from afar while you astound the world with what you can accomplish, as you always do.

C

Dear Liz,
First off I'm sorry we've gotten so distant. We've both kinda gone our own ways. Me with the baby and military and everything.. You with the day to day life. I hope things are working out for you now. I miss ya still. I remember all the good times we had together, learning about ourselves, each other, and life. All the lessons you taught me unintentionally about love, self reliance, and resiliency. The late nights talking, smoking, chilling, the occasional cuddle. Part of me wishes we just got together to be more than friends, it would have been amazing I'm sure. But part of me is perfectly content and happy that we didn't. The friendship and memories mean a lot to me, and none of it was spoiled by a bad break up or any dumb shit like that. No songs we shared are ruined, everything is as good as it was. You saved my life and I saved yours. You got a special place in my heart from now till forever. Love ya to death girl. Talk to me more often, lets go get drunk and do stupid stuff and make fun of butthurt Davids.
Love from,
Your old friend.

Hello!
I didn't ask for your contact info because i didn't want it. It was that simple. You are some weird fat tumblrina , thats why no one wanted to be partner with you. Just because I politefully said hello does not mean i accept you. I dont care what different shade of rainbow you dyed your hair yesterday. I dont care that you are a bi trans called tyler. Or that you have a girl(boy) friend named Alex. I don't care about you going to La and complaining to me that its cold every ten seconds.Im not your damn personal therapist who cares. Your voice is so fucking annoying i want to die. You drew all over your arms eyes , it was fucking creepy. Your " i want to die" jokes are so fucking annoying bc you keep rubbing it in that you havent yet
From ,
a person that hates you

Tl;dr : Landwhale SJW gives me his(her) contact info and make me talk to her. The worst part is that i dont want any drama so i cant do anything. Shes so fucking entitled i cant believe it

I'm really sorry about today.
You know I take an interest in your life because I enjoy getting to know you. But I guess today my interest came off as being nosey, judgmental, and blatant jealousy.

I'm hoping you didn't look too much into it, and hopefully we still have a good time when I take you out to dinner this week.

File: 10000307_642153615822510_269709799_n(1).jpg (4KB, 177x133px) Image search: [Google]

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Okay, so I was getting your attention again after like a year or so since I was able to again, over the course of a year. I told you the plan for us. You were excited. You had faith and wanted to have a life with me.

So, while I'm working to try and get my shit together, about twenty minutes later I start spamming you with my best memes. Just to try to brighten your spirits. I send you this, like I would send any other person I know to laugh at, and you block me. I made a kid piss his pants with that meme and now I can't even send you a message to apologize.

>>17757119

So, I apologize for sending you that meme. I thought you would have laughed. Not make you immediately change your mind about spending our lives together. We've had too long of a relationship for that to be what fucked it up when we had faith and daydreams about a life on the road. How quick we'd be together and free on the road. But a meme fucked all that faith up before I went to sleep.

C

A,

We don't talk as much as we should. I guess the best example of that would be the way I'm having trouble searching for the words to write to you now. I want to take our relationship further, but at the same time I know it'd feel wrong. You're cold and distant, and you never really have anything to say beyond your usual go-to's. It doesn't feel like you want to be close. As it is, I barely know you; at the same time, I feel like maybe there's not much to know. Maybe that's why we don't talk as much as we should.

-C

I love you J. And always will.

M

Hey.

It's saddening that you've completely forgotten me to the point you ignored my e-mails and full on ghosted me.
Do you remember when I said you were being poisoned against me and you got really angry? It's a big coincidence though, you have to admit.
I guess you hate me now, and that's alright. I'll make peace with that eventually.
Be happy, that's all I'll ever want for you

With love,

>>17748789
J?

>>17757167
Oh my God. "A" literally did everything possible to keep you still interested. You're the one who didn't put in the effort, so naturally interest was lost.

>>17756458
No thanks

>>17756153
and I told you that's not fucking possible for me or do you seriously think I am lying when I tell you about my mental illness?

I need to know. I will NEVER STOP CARING MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE BECAUSE OF THIS.

So.... keep living your entire life knowing you're dragging me through the dirt out of your own greed and selfishness when 10 minutes will have ended this weeks ago.

>>17757670
I just need to know so I can start healing if I don't know my mind will be consumed with a million pattenrs and possibilities... and people that don't understand will just keep saying that same stupid fucking thing they do "oh just forget abnout it" because they don't know the first thing about what this is like. Not the heartbreak but the thoughts...

It's not that the thoughts are dark and bad it's that they don't go away ever. they are just screaming constantly. some of them are nice some are bad but there are just so many of them thats the problem.

>>17757754
it's getting so much worse every day. Every 10 minutes I can feel a puslating charge in the center top mass of brain. It goess of like "ZAP ZAP ZAP" in half second intervals and my vision pauses and it's fucking awful. someone make it stop what is it please

Am I telepathic? is someone trying to communicate with me why is it zapping constantly now fucking christ

>>17757780
Have you recently stopped taking a SSRI?

>>17757865
I take effexor but I take it every morning.

I have read about those things... the withdrawals of effexor I have been through before and it is a hell I wish on no one. and the zaps I got from that were similar but they would linger so much longer... like hitting one of those door stoppers. It would go "BUUzzzzzzzzzzzzz" real loud then taper off.

This is zap zap zap zappppp zap zap...

I need to see a psych but no one will call me back.

No one will talk to me ever. I don't understand why. I know I'm fucking insane ok? I know. This isn't news to me and I'm not asking anyone to be my friend or to deal with me anymore I just want someone to tell me the truth, tell me why... They say "oh he's acting crazy I worry for you" but it's like.. no fucking shit 'm acting crazy what they are doing to me is extreme and would drive a NORMAL person crazy let alone someone with fucking schizophrenia.

no one ever believes me. They tell me I'm lying aand just trying to be manipulative and it's all bullshit. No one knows my side because fucking no one will talk to me or listen to me and I guarantee if they did someone would tell me the truth.

I don't WANT to do extreme things like post our conversations where I took an insane amount of abuse and was super loving 99% of the time. Or how hard I tried....

They just say "oh hes trying for the moral high ground" and it's like yes... I DO HAVE THAT. I don't think I'm a better person or will judge anyone or hate them...

I try to play it off at times like I'm all cool and I don't need this shit. Because... I truly do not need this shit. But at the same time... I have a fucking mental illness that makes this impossible for me to maintain. That I can't put it out of thought because all of my thoughts come swinging around full force...

And the people that say they understand truly don't. They truly truly truly truly do not understand.

>>17757884
when I was a child I would repeat my last words all the time. I would say something like this and sort of under my breath say "Something like this and sort of under... my ... "

I was made fun of so many times. I remembered every country and capital in the world when I was in grade school and remembered how to draw the united states in perfect proportion, with every state and capital from memory perfectly. I nearly failed all my classes for never do anything work because I didn't need to... I already read all of our books they gave to us by the first fucking month .

ZAP ZPA ZPAP FUCKING CHRIST

and one of my teachers in 8th grade tried a "leaarn at your own pace" thing... I asked him for all of the tests and exams the first week and aced the entire class from the beginning. I was allowed to just do whatever I wanted for the rest of the year. I studied electrical engineering and worked on complex circuitry to build my first clock and other shit...

Which is why fucking ahmed pissed me off so much. Little shit just fucking takes apart a clock, puts it in a pencil box and get's million dollars of donations and scholarships while I'm stuck in a hillbilly town painting naked ladies no one cares about>

now I'm seeing fucking predator camo puppies and kitty and spiders and hearing voices and being cheated on and sypied on and fucking did I make her all up? did she not exist in the first place? How fucking...

The thoughts pile onto one another and never go away.

Just google schizophrenia her and her stupid friends and you can SEE I HAVE LITERALLY ALL OF IT.

"Repeating the same activity (word or behavior) over and over again (perseveration)."

when I was 18 I first started hearing voices.

those fucking ruminating thoughts have made it impossible to work.

>>17757901
then people make fun of me for talking so much about fucking everything all the time and going on long rants BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HOW CAN THEY THEN SAY I'M FAKING SCHIZOPHRENIA. THATS LITERALLY ONE OF THE LARGEST SYMPTOMS BECAUSE I HAVEN NO CONTROL OVER THE INTENSITY OF MY THOUGHTS.

They are constant, they are powerful, and they are there. always. from the moment I wake up my brain is like "WELL TIME TO THINK ABOUT GRGAVITY WAVES" and it never turns off. Just 200% full blast even when I'm asleep.

>>17757906
the time I woke up from the middle of the night wondering if, at what angle a 9mm vs a 7.62mm fired nearly straight into the air would remain lethal when it hit the ground.

Did alll my fucking math, drag coefficients, terminal velocity, lethal velocity, grain, bullet type (fmjvsmushroom) and, just like I thought it would, a 9mm fired at 70degrees (or 20 degrees to vertical) is nonlethal upon impact. No more damaging than a paintball.

Would hurt for sure not kill you. 30cal 7.62+ would still kill you however.

And then I could go back to sleep.

:(

>>17757910
There are so many things she could have been doing... so many of the posts here could hav ebeen hers.

The boots, the MMF threesomes, the FFM with that photo guy, the sharing of our camming, the hookup with the coworker that denied her later, the meeting random men at coffee shops to make him jealous, the drawing of "good times" and "A man" that were of that one friend, the ex, the guy from that meetup 2 years ago again, halloween night, unprotected sex... the people in the room... the secret personas.... the social media posts that were specficailly meant to make them think you didn't love me, the arguments all attempts to make me leave her but she would pull me back in every time...

Why can't she tell me the truth? Which one of those are lies or truths? I have schizo true but she has BPD and has lied about countless things to many people.

I just want to know, ya know? I wouldn't judge her, I wouldn't hate her, I wouldn't post any of the things she has done I would just go my own way in peace knowing what happened.

That 10 minutes of a skype call would make it all go away. Take away her guilt... my paranoia...

I know her friends lie for her as well. WHich is so fucked up. I caught them in lies about the cancer and other things she's said. The guys won't say anything because they are married... the ones that aren't don't want to piss her off so she will still have sex with them.

Or maybe I was wonly HALF right about some of these things.

All I know is that there is SOMETHING going on and she is hiding it.

I don't care the extent, I don't. I just need to remove these thoughts, to stop questioning, to have the full picture to piece the patterns together and get rest. Because I loved her so truly the entire time... and I was so patient and understanding for so long I deserve this.

I do.she can get help, I can get help.. and it can be ok.

>>17757954
and I can't claim any or all of this is true either.

I truly never have.

her behavior is suspicious, it is. For all I know she has literally told me she is manipulative, she get's off to the idea of me being jealous, that she wants a man to beat the shit out of anyone that approaches her but then claims how shes afraid that I'm violent.

I have never claimed to know what is going on. I could only ever propose theories as... she has lied, she has kept secrets, she has told me about she knows she has BPD.

I can only guess that the picture she posted is about herself. That she is warning people how toxic she is. Not me...

I know I am the exact person her kind take advantage of. The care givers, the loving, the romantic, the patient, the understanding, nonjudgemental...

If her friends want to believe her, if the public want to believe her... then whatever. You're going to no matter what. You're not interested in the truth and neither is she.

I'm sorry I have a mental illness which causes me to need answers. She's taking advantage of that fact to drive me to the point of insanity... in order to show that I WAS ABUSIVE, not her.

And it's working... I am going to fucking insane. I am putting an end to my rants... I will try. I will still type them out into a journal, I will still wonder what the fuck has been going on and when she ends up fucking up with someone else I'm sure they will come to me asking "Yo man... that shit true?" and it will just be time before I learn.

Long, slow, painful time....

When all I wanted was the decency of being treated with the respect of a fellow human and to get it over with.