Cant stop thinking about her edition
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I just want to be a girl
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Previous thread >>5584568
It's funny how politically correct you all are but these are the kind of men you are grooming for the future when you scold them for being men.
These kind of men are a product of a societ promoting feminist and social awareness bullshit as well as propagating stupid shit about how men make women suffer.
Can't think of anything right now that's really ever made me cry, I'm nearly positive something has, but I can't remember what it was.
This may have at some point, or at least made me come pretty close..
i just broke a year on hrt
i have fuck all in the way of boobs
i dont pass
i keep thinking about finally killing myself but i dont want to hurt people in my life (my family and my gf and the one friend i have left).
this is a new hell worse than the old one
>Start watching a YT video
>Oh there's a transgender woman
>Hear that nasally AGP falsetto
>i keep thinking about finally killing myself but i dont want to hurt people in my life (my family and my gf and the one friend i have left).
this is a new hell worse than the old one
iktf dude. fuck
I never grew bobs and I'm almost at 2 years now. I also didn't start passing until 1.5 years, but at 1 year I was seen as male everywhere. I know it sucks but you can't look at the one year mark and think it's all over. Hold onto some hope, work hard, and you'll get yourself to a better point for sure.
He moved on anon. Dropped that whole androgynous look (with so many men wanting to look like women now, it makes sense) married, had some kids.
Stopped reading after the first sentence.
Jesus fucking christ
It's okay anon. Have another picture of him when he was young.
I'll let you know that nothing you said is true. Stop the slandering.
i knew it was. it is just worse than i thought
i didnt expect everything to be good at this point. just... the small improvements in some things are just not worth the constant anxiety and fear of others. its cost me friends. its cost me some family
and i start school again soon and i just didn't want to have to do it all as a guy still
Sure as long as you fuck me back ;) I've always wanted to try having sex with a trans girl.
Also does anyone here love politics? I really hate nonwhites so I'll only allow myself to get trans fucked by a girl who shares similar white nationalist views.
I wish I had more to offer than just camaraderie, but I all I can again say is I was in the same situation and I know how hard it is. Losing family members and friends, in a really dark place. Going back to school in guy l mode made me feel like it was all for naught. I even attempted to detransition in an attempt to get my lost family and friends back. I don't know how I got through it, but I did and I'm finally getting to a point where I'm happy again. all I can say is stick it out and believe that there's a bright future ahead.
Arnie is such an inspirational figure. And a testament to how testosterone is superior to estrogen.
>posting a image of guilty gear.
good taste desu.
Pls don't compare the Austrian Death Machine to that Slim Shady impersonator.
only someone less intelligent, say a browser of /pol/ would put one race above others or irrationally harbor negative feelings for other races because after all there are no races only human race
spotted the stormfronter. i bet you believe jews control the world too
A liberal progressive Jewish socialist had a crowd of 7000 last night in Alabama.
”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”
At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.
”How old is this rock, pinhead?”
The arrogant senator smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”
”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”
The senator was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Das Kapital. He stormed out of the venue crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Bernie Sanders, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a socialist liberal senator. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!
The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and Donald Trump himself showed up and built a wall along the Mexican border.
The senator was impeached and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.
Make America great again.
a surprising amount of people did actually recognize me when I went anon for awhile, I tend to think of myself as not rlly worth noticing/remembering
I mean sure, but I think often it's not preaching my opinions rlly that much more than the stuff I "preach" against is
I mean shitposters come here daily just to preach the gospel according to troll anon
real-life experiences > bitter anon shitposting
>TFW sleeping in an airport was actually enjoyable.
Morning everyone from Charlotte!
wew, thats a gift to be-able to sleep at one properly
>tfw been studying for 2hours now and kinda like it
>hate the stress and how boring it is
>but feel distracted enuf and actually p normal and like making progress actually for once
y-yup lol. though maybe its kinda risky to do nowadays
to just steal something on an airports, especially if its not crowded. cams everywhere.
Nerds with name like "ThalesToAristotle" shouldn't reproduce.
12 year old me was all like "I can wait, I'll be fine :3"
yep, exactly my case too. there was no interim between me knowing how i felt inside and realising it would be better for social survival to closet myself. i already did everything i could to not make myself a target socially so i just naturally closeted myself.
i was far too scared to assert my feelings or even realise that it was acceptable for me to feel that way. absolutely everything was geared towards keeping up a front according to what i thought others expected of me.
>it took me one marriage with stacy, one marriage with macy and 16 kids to figure it out quite early at the age of 53
>mfw talking to friends about men i could have sex with
mtfg i have like 3 options and i need help ok
the first is this guy i dated for awhile during the summer. handsome brunette, top 5 best sex of my life if not number 1. but he's a total fuckboy and also kind of clingy and idk.
second guy is my ex bf, but our schedules are busy a lot and it's not easy to have sex. the sex is great but there's feelings there and also his dick is so big that i feel like it might kill me one of these days.
third option is the mystery dick of a guy i went out with once a year back, and he's not super handsome but he's like 6'4" and skinny and i get the feeling he might be amazing in bed and he might have a rly nice dick, but idk.
WWYD?? would you take the good dick with the clingy, the good dick with the feels, or the mystery dick that could be good without either clingy or feels?
>not freezing your sperm to have multiple children following your orchi in a co-parenting partnership with one of your female friends while you both sleep with men on the side.
hey, i can dream, right?
>second guy is my ex bf, but our schedules are busy a lot and it's not easy to have sex. the sex is great but there's feelings there and also his dick is so big that i feel like it might kill me one of these days.
is his name sam perchance?
How do I look girl? I think this make up really brings out don't you think? teehee
I fucked up there
I must commit seppuku now.
I used to believe that I wasn't trans because I didn't like tomato sauce on my pasta.
My dad didn't either but my mom and sisters did. So I saw liking tomato sauce as a feminine trait, since all the women in my life liked it and the men didn't.
Oddly enough I started enjoying tomato sauce after I started taking hrt.
>Actually look pretty alright this morning
>Still can't keep myself from looking at and obsessing over my biggest problem feature in the mirror until my self-esteem is destroyed
I hate my hairline so much. Like I guess I'm lucky enough that it could be fixed with transplants eventually and that my hair is at least thick enough that I can hide it when I part it down the middle, I know some people have it so much worse than me, but it still makes me feel awful. If there's some type of god who designed me they can go fuck themselves for thinking it'd be funny to make me both a tranny and give me hairline that'd start receding during adolescence.
i didn't think so either
maybe i will just report back on whether or not it's nice. it's such a mystery idk
lol that's a lie and you know it. i'll much sooner die from either erotic asphyxiation or out of anger from a guy i rejected.
idk if i wanna be surprised tho like what if it's hideous and bad?
>like what if it's hideous and bad?
Variety is the spice of life
Need a little bad dick once in a while so you know when the good dick comes. I'm waiting on the good dick now
And besides, what if its so bad it's good?
>I just want to let go and sleep forever
why make me this way god? why can't you let your mistake die
DICK IS NEVER SO BAD IT'S GOOD LOL
i only want good dick idk. look at this guyyyyy. his dick is a lil below average but he dicks me DOWN. i'm surprised no one voted for him, the safer option. mtfg is filled with gamblers
damn ok you can have the ugly dick u don't have to get mad about it
u turn into a man?
>not strong Maori men who prove they are no slave
>Ever been close to dying?
I have and it did feel warm and painless but I was found and woke up in hospital feeling like shit emotionally and physically
i'm gonna let you in on a lil secret:
cis women talk about dick all the time and share pics of guys dicks and faces they're dating as well as shit talk about them as well.
i like artsy men. literally the first time we fucked we got really drunk and discussed andy warhol and aesthetics and then had ridiculously rough sex that left me with bruises all over my body and lasted 2 hours not counting the foreplay. MANLY MEN AREN'T LIKE THAT ALL THAT OFTEN
>mfw the police dragged me out of the snow butt naked where i buried myself piss drunk hoping to die
Sometimes I wonder is there any point in trying if I'm never truly going to be a girl.
>>tfw religious growing up
>>tfw lost your faith because no fair and just god would make me like this
Every night before bed
>god please make me a girl tomorrow, I'll never skip church again if you do!
To be honest, it's thoughts like this that make me think I'm going to kill myself no matter what happens.
>Waah no one accepts me, tfw no bf
>I think you're cute
>FUCK OFF CHASER
>implying I wouldn't
I wouldn't think twice desu
I have been told that some people get to a place where they can function and only hate themselves on a rare occasion. I still have hope. It's dwindling though.
Still, may as well transition, even if you hate yourself, you hate yourself less.
Should I start bringing piss bottles to work? I'm still boymode so I can't use the women's room but customers have to double check the sign and give me weird looks if they walk in while I'm in the men's room.
I don't want to come out to anyone because I was planning on quitting in a month anyway to go full time.
>these buzzkill posters
it's like none of you ever listened to Edie, sure she's making monster cash in comparison to a lot of us but her logic stands above the rest desu and what I took away at least was to reach a point of acceptance. Yeah you'll never be cis but you're still you and you can express the you instead of what we were before transition. hons say passing doesn't matter in the grand scheme inside of your mind it actually doesn't mean shit considering the expectations some girls have to be disney princesses, how many cis girls do you see on average who look like that either? it's hard and it's sad quite a lot of the time and like me you should consider seeing a counselor who deals in body issues to manage coping mechanisms/acceptance of the things you cannot change and how to improve the things that can
I will still transition but happiness just seems impossible for some reason
I hope so, though I worry my bad features will get to me. Let's just hope we don't feel this way forever.
Anyway, I don't feel like staying up any later, I'm just gonna to bed.
Night girls, I hope you all have a good day today.
>how many cis girls do you see on average who look like that either?
How many cis girls are totally happy with how they look? Complaining about your appearance is a pretty normal thing for girls.
Either way commiserating with friends feels good and can be therapeutic on its own.
>Wasn't feeling too bad this morning
>/mtfg/ wants to start depression/suicide posting all of a sudden
Thanks guys, I really was getting too enthusiastic about existence. I need to keep in my mind I'm still most likely going to kill myself in two years when transition doesn't work out well and I become queen of the hons.
You can do it kit, this is what you've been waiting for for so long.
Well I am officially one year on hormones today.
I guess looking back I have made progress, even if mtfg is firmly against that assumption. Seeing how fast and perfect everyone else's transition is going pisses me off so I have to work harder at this shit.
I guess that saying is right that only I have to work twice as hard to get half of what everyone else here gets.
>I guess looking back I have made progress, even if mtfg is firmly against that assumption.
>mtfg is firmly against that assumption
>Kayla: "waaah life is awful HRT hasn't done anything for me why did even bother trying to transition!"
doodles are strange
I wish that I did not have a tinkler
I wish that I could press my flat crotch against a man
I wish I didn't look like rich evans as emperor palpatine with the body of an obese former football player
I wish I wasn't completely alone
I wish I could fix myself
I wish I wasn't so mentally and emotionally broken that I can't even lose weight or study
honestly once you reach the point of accepting yourself and being comfortable with yourself, dysphoria doesn't get to you as much, and you're a lot happier.
>I guess that saying is right that only I have to work twice as hard to get half of what everyone else here gets.
uh i'm the one who made that saying here up and i don't want u to use it, especially incorrectly. thank
that was pretty much the point where I started going full-time
people constantly say that u should go full-time, u just make excuses and blame everyone for anon abuse or people shitting on u in response to u saying stupid stuff like this whole post
u have it easier than most with ur life of luxury in a mansion with pools and bike toys and the privilege of being able to choose not to work because u think it's beneath u
>Well its going to take me that long too because it ain't in the realm of reality to afford
especially because u refuse to work so ur not moving any closer to it and just burning away the years
>Most trans people simply will never get it because only the rich or the spoiled can afford it
or they decided to work for their goals instead of being bitter and spouting jelly shit while ironically being spoiled with your pool and life of leisure
>uh i'm the one who made that saying here up and i don't want u to use it, especially incorrectly. thank
It was from a tv show you stuck up bitch. Why don't you take more pictures with your free money you cancerous suicide pusher.
>u have it easier than most
We are out of money and I am out of time. And no I am not better than work, I just can't get anyone to call me back for an interview.
>your only obstacle has been your own stupidity
My obstacle is getting over how everyone here looks like a gis girl at 2 months on hrt.
>uh i'm the one who made that saying here up
the line came from a show, the application to trans ppl in this general came from me. it's not my fault you're hideous, idiotic, and poor tho. you have marketable skills, use them or shut up
yeppp. plus most cis ppl's lives fucking suck lol. which i learned more and more when i started hanging out with cis ppl all the time. everyone i know with a family and kids secretly hates their lives and gets obscenely drunk and just vents about how they wish they were single and didn't have to work shit jobs in an office etc... it's depressing
Sheen, you and me have the same fucked up life and I wish I could do something to help the both of us. What you and I need to do is suck it up and starve ourselves. I splerged last night on a pizza but that's it. I am out of food and money for food, I suggest you throw out all your food and start walking. You live in fucking Sidney, its so beautiful there, go put some sunblock, a hat, and some guy clothes on and take walks. You have way more options than me to fix your life, use them please. Just get dressed and go take a fucking walk, if you get hungry, then down an entire bottle of water.
spiro isn't working for me and I'm going to get an orchie so I was just wondering. you testosterone was just checked and it's around 500 ng/dL... though that's totally testosterone and not free. it's weird because I pass perfectly fine after 6 months but my testosterone us really bugging me...
this is rlly interesting. i took ssris and antipsychotics which always caused the worst akathisia & destabilisation possible, & left me w/ permanent movement side effects, some of them like the akathisia & diurnal bruxism being standout ssri side effects. the best response i have ever had to a med was a short lived accidental megadose of buspirone (i went on it too fast after discontinuation of the major liver enzyme that metabolises it, resulting in ~20 times the blood levels) and i felt the most sober & calm, with the most stable grasp of my surroundings i had ever. i saw pictures i wanted to take everywhere, my whole visual field was there, it wasn't a panicky mess i was darting around; i could look people in the eyes & they were friendlier to me; looking down the street i could see myself learning to drive w/o panicking, actually wanting to
it was v short lived & i couldn't replicate it. i already had to get the med (nefazodone) that wiped out the 3A4 liver enzyme in the states since it had been discontinued here. i have a lot of high hopes for cannabidiol for the 5-ht1a agonism it has in common & how notable it is for its anti-panic even in normal controls (researched for public speaking) & serenic properties. i also can't handle thc without panicking, which it famously tempers. (i had good responses to grass in the late 90s in my early teens before the cbd was bred out of it as a blunt shitty means of making it seem more potent on the gray market)
idk, i am p bizarrely pharmatopian, but i think cbd or some serenic could help a lot of trans women, making us far more secure, adaptable ppl. like i was formally dx'd as an "autist" as a kid, but i'm pretty relatable, and i see all the signs in most trans women. 5-ht metabolites are remarkably high in asd dx'd people. serotonin overflow in the dorsal raphe nucleus (connected to things like akathisia and panic) is treated w/ 5-ht1a agonism
anyway, i agree ssris are poison, and i think there's a reason
>the application to trans ppl in this general came from me
What? Get off your fucking high horse, I say that on tv before you posted it here and I already applied it to my transition as I do every little tid bit of sayings.
>you're hideous, idiotic, and poor
Ripping on my looks is only typical of a garbage shit head person like you.
Hey, work sucks, "normal" life sucks, that's pretty much why I ended up playing a nasty brinkmanship game to game the system. Got pretty close to dying, but money for nothing for the rest of my life and all my time for myself? That was a decent deal.
ISN'T LIFE GRAND?!
>I say that on tv before you posted it here and I already applied it to my transition
kayla you had no transition when that came out on tv and i posted it here because you were living as a horrible man shouting at everyone who passes telling them to kill themselves because you're a fucking tall burly waste of space. i replied about your looks because that's all you talk about and you insulted me first. let the games begin
>mfw had a pizza, half a bag of chips and 5 shots of alcohol yesterday
>today had half a bucket of ice cream, quarter of a pizza, half a bag of chips and soda
such is fat tranny laifu
Kayla I love you. You're actually my trans inspiration for being able to put up with all the shit your life has thrown at you plus everyone here holding you back.
Keep fighting girl! Even if I don't make it I really hope the universe stops picking on you for a change soon.
>I ended up playing a nasty brinkmanship game to game the system. Got pretty close to dying, but money for nothing for the rest of my life and all my time for myself? That was a decent deal.
i'm being prescribed 3x5mg/daily doses of buspirone but i've actually found that i only need to take it twice daily, so i've got a nice stockpile of extra buspirone that i might use up sometime for the fun of it haha.
so yeah i'm like, taking 10mg a day but my next driving test is in a week and i might drop 40mg of buspirone before sitting it... and 60mg propranolol... and 1 or 2 grams of phenibut.
fuck test nerves. i'm going all out.
i agree with you on the potential of CBD too, even though it's difficult to come by which is a pity. and i'm also asd dx'd, so it sounds like we have a fair amount in common.
I like kayla too, this place is such a toxic shit hole and if you don't look the way they want you to then you get made fun of and harassed
all the other trips use here to compliment fish and brag
tru tru. i mean idk. in a way being trans in the long run can make us happier cause we're forced to re-evaluate everything and we're not really always allowed to take the same beaten, boring, and horrible trail every other cis person has. we had to be a lot more introspective so altho we have dysphoria and our first years of transition blow we usually end up happier than them years down the line. i've seen it happen a lot. i would seriously much rather be doing what i'm doing right now than doing what all the cis people i know are doing. legit 80% of the people i went to high school with still live in the same town and go to a shitty community college part time and have, and will prob continue to work at Target and grocery stores for the rest of their lives cause it's easy and they don't know any better and were never required to.
this is the first time i've told you that in weeks, and i'm about done with your shit since you have no issues calling me a whore or insulting me when i'm not even around. it's not my fault that people in this general or in your daily life tell you that you're ugly and built like a brick house all of the time. if you don't want me to insult you then stop being a piece of shit. at least if you tried proving me wrong you would be contributing to others for once in your goddamn life instead of whining about the same bullshit one day, then berating someone the next all while posting pics of your dick trying to whore yourself out for free under the pseudonym of miss cock.
>tfw you get out of the shower and get a bit delusional thinking your chin/jaw is much better after 3 years of hrt.
Shower magic, every time.
maybe not you but I can relate to kayla. most the people come here to shit on eachother and be passive agressive and show off how great they are doing while people like me haven't even been able to get hormones because they are too expensive
Harsh, I've been driving for the last 30 minutes
If Kayla passed she would be bragging about it here all the time.
There was that short period of time when she made those "i'd fuck me" statements and was rubbing it on everyone's face. Too bad she didn't pass.
Nobody hates Kayla because of her fucking looks, she could look just as good as some of the good trips.
It's just easy to attack her on that when she's basically calling anyone she tries to have on her side ugly and wonders why it pisses people off.
Whatever you want to believe, I'm waiting for my bus to leave right now.
What the fuck are you talking? Bragging? Is that what retards call bragging now?
>kayla never picked on anyones looks
did you miss the literal 5 years of her existence on trans boards until she transitioned or? all she would do is hate on people's looks and tell everyone to kill themselves or attack them
Bullshit. When your idea of "sharing a struggle" is calling trips who are full time and have a life ugly as some weird sorority of ugly people, she's picking on their looks.
She has a persecution complex as vast as the pacific ocean at this point.
that wasn't the same person inside, it was tough for her to fight those feelings and her family pressure. i know I shit talked a lot of trans people before I came out, we deal with it in our own ways when we can't be girly from a young age like people like you were freely able to
>There was that short period of time when she made those "i'd fuck me" statements
a bit of OC for you then
cry me a river. repressing your identity isn't some free pass to be a piece of shit. being a horrible toxic person on purpose to literally everyone in every thread for years is not something that is erased because you pretend it didn't happen and pop some pills. not one time has kayla ever apologized for anything she's ever done, and in the last year of her HRT she has told everyone that they don't deserve happiness, that they should kill themselves, that they deserve to die, and that many were worthless. i'm sure it's a nice sentiment to pretend that it's acceptable for people to do this and everyone deserves a second, or third, or fourth, or FIFTH chance like kayla does, but it's not reality.
kayla literally dedicated her life for years to being horrible and encouraging other girls, some of which post in these threads, to kill themselves and feel bad about themselves. if you support her now then you're just as stupid as she is.
You know that's not very clever. Thanks for at least trying I guess.
Kek what? I love this new group of WhiteKnights. what a bunch of idiots. Keep making this a good morning
she never did any of that
she only goes after the passing ones and the meanies like you and I think she is right. no one shoulf use trans spaces to show off their looks on a daily basis and brag about being with lovers when some of us are too ugly to ever be loved, you are shitting on peoples souls when you do that and you don't deserve to have that good of a life when there are people like me who can't even start hrt
oh neat, that is also very interesting! :)
yeah, one thing about response to 5-ht1a agonism seems to be that the dorsal raphe nucleus typically reregulates within weeks, so for reasons it's being looked at as therapeutic often smaller doses are better to not precipitate this (like in where they treat levodopa related dyskinesias are starting to be treated with similar 5mg sustained microdosing)
this keeps things specific to the subcortical 5-ht1a where it prevents serotonin overflow's inhibition of proper dopamine projection from the ventral tegmental area
i couldn't sustain my response to buspirone at any dose but it is also a very weak partial agonist so some people may respond to it and some people easily may not. i tried to find a way to get tandospirone from japan, but couldn't. what's also interesting tho is if you are taking propanolol on a concomitant, i have to wonder if it's 5-ht1a antagonism is keeping DSH autoreceptors from being desensitised to buspirone. i still wonder if given how high my blood levels had to be, if cortical postsynaptic (also assoc'd with serenic properties) 5-ht1a receptors were essential to my temporary response, but still it's a lot of interesting stuff to think about
interestingly a lot of what made stuff abt 5-ht1a receptors so easy to track was like this teenage prodigy who used to post on social anxiety and pharmacology boards, then who became like the best wikipedia editor cataloguing intrinsic efficacies and a lot of pharmacology stuff before she suddenly transitioned and came out as a trans women then 180'd and tried to erase herself off the internet (so pls no one track her down) somehow her being trans didn't surprise me AT ALL; even as she posted as a dude, i was wondering myself. she is v accomplished, but obviously very very private and retreating like many of us. it all makes me wonder if some of us are focusing on something very essential convergently that could solve a lot of problems for so many of us
>tfw Noun will never love you
>tfw he'll never feel passion or infatuation for you again
shoot me, 12 dollars.
jesus christ is that actually kaylas face?
Kek what? I said one thing about moving cause she asked. You should really re read the thread if you honestly think that buddy.
god normally i'd correct my grammar breakdown here, but i think i'll just take a clonazepam and wait instead. think the core of what i'm saying, well the dense core, which is hard to condense into 2000 chars anyway, is still readable since you probably understand the stuff i'm referring to
>tfw Noun will never care about your feelings for him again
wasn't expecting keks this early in the afternoon
i.... i don't recognise it....
well oops i got dun caught out didn't i
that's fascinating, especially about this trans prodigy.
also i've seen a lot of people here claim that they couldn't be autistic as when they were being psychiatrically assessed, they and their shrinks decided they were "too empathetic" to be an autist.
this is what happens when you believe Baron-Cohen's complete bullshit, disproven hypotheses about the alleged "empathizing/systemizing" dichotomy, working in a bit of affirmation bias as to the non-existent gender gap in the autistic population.
fwiw i only became comfortable with my feelings of dysphoria after seeing my sister present with autistic traits, and realising how different girls like us are from neurotypical girls.
the psychiatric community still pat themselves on the back over exercising "caution" with autistic patients presenting with dysphoria, and forcing them to judge if they really are trans by comparing themselves to neurotypical transwomen.
anyway you and i both have now displayed the autistic propensity to texwall haha.
also idk why i used the acronym dsh for dorsal raphe nucleus (DRN). dsh must mean something else familiar but i can't trace how that collision occured as i tried to condense so much into small spaces and linear language and my crap ability with it when it matters. clonazepam cmon, blood levels climb, u kno u can
>duuuur 4giveness is stoopid amirite.
>ima good gurl. I never dindu nuffin.
>im so mature. Look at me whole an internet grude.
>ima only judge people for past agressions, and not incourage current possitive trends.
By your logic, straight America should never accept any trans person as their new identity.
Of course silly. I never asked him to like garbage. He just liked me for some reason.
Actually she does
Kayla admitted that she made it up and her mom is a "sweetheart"
I think she actually doesn't look too bad and just needs to learn makeup and how to dress herself
But what she needs most is therapy
>Aunt & uncle staying at my house
>Both conservative white trash types who wouldn't react well to knowing I'm trans
>only family member I'm out to is my mom
>not paying any attention a conversation they're having
>suddenly overhear my mom say something about how "anon is trying to grow boobs"
>Aunt & uncle both shocked by what she said
>I'm nearly having a heart attack, can't even make up a quick excuse for it
>She just kind of brushes it aside with "oh haha, nevermind it's just an inside joke between me and anon it's about something we were talking about the other day, isn't that right anon? :^)"
So how should I murder her?
>tfw Noun will never hold you close and say he loves you
>the psychiatric community still pat themselves on the back over exercising "caution" with autistic patients presenting with dysphoria, and forcing them to judge if they really are trans by comparing themselves to neurotypical transwomen.
yikes, sad to know that happens now. i was lucky that i "presented" for treatment in my teens and got on hormones comparatively easily to a lot of people i come across, but yeah i was taken off for a bit after a inpatient psych discharge advised it citing "depression" and that it may be worsening it. i guess extant psych cynicism doesn't surprise me, more the opposite. my current psych for over a decade has metastatic prostate cancer now, and i have to find a new one and i'm p scared shitless :/
>anyway you and i both have now displayed the autistic propensity to texwall haha.
indeed :( indeed. and i never know how to properly backpedal into my hole!
I will still hold you to that hug at the end of the year anon
i won't :'^)
>unless it's happening RIGHT THIS SECOND it's ok
some of these things were in november. not even 2 full months. these are just screenshots btw, kayla makes these kinds of posts STILL all of the time, every week, every month, and has been doing so for years. if the past is anything past a few days to you then you probably have the attention span of a hamster.
idk she lies about errything
the archive is still up, it just stopped saving recent things
I'm going to make it a life goal to buy you a similar dress and make you wear it so that you too feel like a princess going to her first prom.
Its a sweet thought but I'd die of anxiety. Maybe one day tho
I don't even post in these pathetic gens usually. Y'all's shit flinging was on the front page and the especially meanness of you pathetic trip fags caught my eye today so I posted a few times.
It's laughable how petry you people are. Saving screen caps of temporary messages on an image board, making up conspiracy theories to explain posters who unthinkablel have disagreeing opinion, etc.
I was actually feeling kinda of blue today, but knowing I'm leaps and bounds better off than you tripfags and gen rwfulars actually makes me feel a lot better about myself. So... thank you?
>tfw you've finally reached the mindset of "at least it can't get any worse" and "at least now I can be a femboy"
at least with these thoughts in my mind my masculine features don't seem too bad
I wonder if I'll ever find a lover who's as disinterested in sex as I am. I'd rather just masturbate and get it over with than fuck.
>the archive is still up
this picture is so true
>you will never be Kaylee
why did you have to trigger me anon
Hey /mtfg/ I've got an actual MtF related question.
Anyone here inject themselves? What muscle do you usually do it in? I'm gonna do my first self injection tomorrow and I'm freaking out about doing it the best way possible.
it depends what you're injecting but i've seen various meds indicate for quad, ass or abdominal injections if intramuscular, and i've seen others that were simply subcutaneous.
if you're shooting up smack, most people start intravenously with the cubital fossa before moving onto the saphenous opening.
you used to do injections in your mouth dude
by the way everyone this is what watashi looks like
not rawr, I just want people to see who they are replying to when they talk to watashi and think he is a girl because he isn't
Of course the archive is still up, it's how I just saw Kayla posting clips of my man man voice which she also got from the archive.
At least she's not reposting le 1 month hrt shots of me repeatedly anymore
I don't know, it wasn't this bad 3 years ago.
Okay I am actually convinced hrt did nothing but make me more masculine.
I must've done sugar pills all this time, more feminine on my old pics than new ones lol.
idk, follow a diagram. i always went to slight right of the top of my upper right thigh and would go slowly as i had more fat to muscle than i thought and did a few subcutaneous injections accidentally as a result. when you don't jab, you can feel when it goes into muscle. that's just what i did. idk if going slowly is less preferable and more likely to cause tissue disruption and potential lipodystrophy at the site--i didn't get it tho, and i don't know anyone with focal injection site lipodystrophy yet.
i had to stop injections and go back to pills tho. i tried to do an injection while having a benzo withdrawal once and now the memory of such a palpably fibrous feeling of my flesh being pierced that makes me feel light and weird just recalling is permanently etched. it's a lot easier than it sounds tho for most people, and this should not happen under usual circumstances.
i also usually pulled slightly on the syringe (as formally directed) to test for blood to make sure i wasn't somehow accidentally injecting into my bloodstream. i have no idea how common this is and don't know much about anatomy, but it never happened. the worst i've heard is a freakish story of someone hitting a nerve once but that was into gluteal muscle.
Just had a discussion with a nurse, and it made me feel pretty bad. She first commented on how I was always the first to finish eating. I said that's because I don't enjoy eating at all. And the truth is, I'm unable to feel pleasure. She insisted, saying that there were things that had to be pleasurable to me, like putting outfits together. All I could say was that it was something I had to do in order to stay out of trouble, not something that I liked. And that I didn't put much time or thinking into it either. I think that seriously annoyed her because she started ranting about not everyone being able to look stylish and graceful effortlessly and that how everything came so easily to me was completely unfair, especially since I didn't enjoy it.
I hate being told I have everything going for me, but I guess it's not that wrong. Except for one thing. I'll never know what it's like to live with desires and pleasure because of melancholia. And that no matter how well things go for me, I'll never be able to really appreciate it. But I'll still make people around me envious...
>bigger man skull
>bigger masculine features
>even bigger man nose and MASSIVE man brow
You'll be fine, i'm just immune to hrt or sugar pills.
It's true though, I didn't notice until I took pics but now I know.
Nah, it's not a Kayla thing. I've always made a lot of people react like that. I do have it easy, and without putting any effort in it. It's just that being unable to enjoy any of it is grating to everyone around me.
>>tfw still no word from camhs
i hear they're getting better and worth being referred to now. i'm feeling less squeamish about it now at least. before i would never go with my psych and patchy occupational history, (but also when i transitioned it was still the conservatives provincially who delisted srs under harris anyway). i know someone who got orchidectomy covered recently, which *really* wow'ed me and makes me feel optimistic about life.
the waiting list is super long, but someone here said in montreal they do srs on multiple people a day because they work as a team. also making me feel more optimistic abt life.
i just have no idea if i want to keep living into stupid ontario. ideally, i don't and would rather live in montreal, but that's an aside. do you have any contact with camh? people being left hanging seems the norm, so you may need to try to keep in contact? it's only the past half-year i've been hearing more good things than bad and i've been having trouble believing it.
Yeah I think I'm gonna go with the thigh.
Thanks for the write up. The nurse at my clinic showed me how to do the stuff and did it the first time so I know how it feels, but it's still kinda anxiety inducing. I'm definitely gonna be checking for blood, I bet that really screws stuff up if you mess up with that.
How do you get yourself to do it though Edie? It's so scary. ;_;
Like I think they worked the first two years or at least the first year but I feel like i've only been getting more masculine lately.
Like features are really big and masculine now and I really do look like a 30 years old man
Wow, now that pic is at least eighteen months old. And not really masculine anyway. Did you save that or what? If so, I don't know whether I should be flattered or seriously creeped out. Let me give you something more fresh.