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▶infographs suck for makeup
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I just want to be a girl
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▶Voice Training: http://pastebin.com/dgipdsge
▶HRT info: https://web.archive.rg/web/0000000000000 http://taimapedia.org/index.php?title=Hormones
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Previous thread >>5583240
I honestly thought you were making a video game reference.
>tfw no bf
life is making my depression worse.
Wish I had the courage and the looks to go find and date a qt boy :(
No feeling. As if I were floating in nothingness and aware of moving, then a wave of pain rushing up. Like that feeling as your arm goes from numb to tingling. Only replace that with the burning pain (like getting stung by a bee but 100x worse) add to that the jolting feeling of being shocked.
So there was a feeling of being, but no other sensations? Neat. (Reviving sounds like it was pretty nasty, although I imagine it's not easy to tell what was part of that process and what was the pain of the severe life-threatening burns.)
I am starting to have doubts about ever going full girlmode pham.
I don't really pass and I make for an ugly girl while I'm a qt boy. I just want to stay on HRT and be fem forever.
I don't want to look like a freak for the rest of my life. I just have really intense dysphoria.
I mean it would all be fine if it turned me into a cis female but that won't happen. I feel like I'm waging a war against biology.
Fyi in retrospect the feelings made me go pretty much Buddhist. I had a few flashes, like memories. One was a coral reef and an island, another was a stone hut with grass growing on the roof, and the other was a swamp with Spanish Moss in the trees.
It led me to believe later on that we might reincarnate.
Though a part of me is quick to point out that those memories might be altered by time and attempts to understand them.
I'm about to lose my last reason to live, it'll most likely be my last night here mtfg
>how long is the recovery
walking was doable after the first week
running after 5 months
mild lifting after 2 months
heavy lifting 6
>how long until i could work again afterward
depends on the work and your recovery but unless it's a super physical job I guess 3 months is a safe bet
>whats your depth
>do you experience depth stimulation
yes indirectly to the clit and g spot
>what was the pain like
not really any pain
had one shot of morphine for pain the first night and that's about it
most pain was when walking around a lot and when nerves reconnected (1-3 months) but a paracetamol helped
not out of closet. 20yro who probably wont ever pass.
i have a comfortable existance as a man. i have wanted to be a girl all my life.
do i just do it and suffer the consequences? i have a girlfriend who will be heartbroken and a family who already thinks im a loser.
thinking about my options
Too bad femgen is dead. Why does it move so sloow ;~;
fug I'm stupid :DD
and no, you have nothing to worry about
1) I'm not that mean
2) I'm not autistic enough to blow the next four hours
That's horrible :(
What are you gonna do?
no apparently im only banned from /r9k/ i thought i was banned sitewide
that being said, can anyone tell me if im passing yet?
here's voice: http://vocaroo.com/i/s0wCbTpLly7z
how often do you have to dilate
what constitutes as mild or heavy lifting
if i lifted something too heavy before i was ready would it tear or fuck anything up or would i just like, be in pain
did your parents support you during recovery? do you work now even?
and you're totally satisfied with it aesthetically? do you think your vagina is clockable?
>tfw you have no reason to live but people still care about you for god knows why
>tfw still stage 3 after 2 years of HRT and my bf wants woman boobs not preteen girl boobs
I'm gonna do my best to take my pills on time like lily implied I should and hope that someday I can wear a normal bra like a real girl
Also probably mope a bunch in the meantime
>tfw my sensitivity is screwed up so I can't even rub them for a pick me up
How big are yours, anon?
That's called /femgen/ desu.
It doesn't matter. I feel horrible when I look at myself in the mirror. My genitals are causing me so much dysphoria, I'm struggling to resist mutilating myself.
I don't think I'll ever make it. I won't be curvy, I can't grow breasts and I'll never have the body I want in general. Better to just admit defeat.
Yeah I hope they do.
>most don't make it
right in the feels
Your feelings on this matter are irrelevant.
>how often do you have to dilate
once every 2 days for 30min
>what constitutes as mild or heavy lifting
like 3kg+ hurt the first month
now lifting 20kg each side no problem
>if i lifted something too heavy before i was ready would it tear or fuck anything up or would i just like, be in pain
pain lots of it
tearing is hard especially once you are able to start dynamic dilation (2weeks post for me)
>did your parents support you during recovery?
yes by walking the dog for me and doing the heavy lifting stuff
>do you work now even?
no, just keeping the house clean and workout
>and you're totally satisfied with it aesthetically?
>do you think your vagina is clockable?
well you've seen it so you tell me
but I think it's not clockable
>people like femboys, assuming you're attractive
they don't like mentally scarred, broken, failed tranny w/ boob femboys though
>surprised no makes that gen b/c most don't make it
yeh but most still are trying to present that's why we have /hongen/ I guess
I think you are t b h
half questioning boys that are already doomed
/femgen/ is retarded b/c real fembois are rare so it was mostly twinks
now it's 4ch faggots who want hrt so they'll be cuteboys. what a mess
take a look around, how many experienced transitioners like elanna?
Ricky, listen to me. I've talked with you for nearly a year now. You're going to be okay. It takes time, and I think you're being blind-sighted from seeing that fact when you look at model-esque women all day.
What you see in the mirror isn't real, don't listen to it. If you were able to see what I see, I'm sure you'd understand. I don't get it when you say "I'll never make it", because all I've ever seen when you've posted photos is a woman, a gorgeous one at that.
I get it, dysphoria ruins all, I never figured out how to deal with it either. Please don't give up.
desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai desu senpai
tfw permanent stage 3 boobs
idk. tell me when you find out. my wildest dream/fetish is to get impregnated.
>once every 2 days for 30 min
what was it at the start? what will it be at it's least frequent? is there a charting for this or does it vary?
i was talking about financially with your parents support
and i saw it but i feel very awkward about that like i'm intruding on your privacy so i didn't ask to see more, but i'm pretty curious about how the inside looks. it doesn't seem clockable from an "at rest" position tho.
i know you're a lesbian but have you played with dildos or maybe experimented with men even? i'm curious if the depth is enough or if it at least isn't apparent to men when they're fucking you that its artificial. i feel like it isn't enough depth and guys will notice and be like "why am i hitting the end of it?" i've also been in some vaginas in my time and i'll tell ya at the end of them there's a uterus and you can definitely tell where it is by feeling so the lack of one would set off some alarms maybe.
lol i thought that might freak you out... i don't actually call him daddy. but my bf is worried hormones would change my personality so he doesnt want me taking them, i've yet to be able to convince him otherwise
I'm not thaaaat happy with them because whenever I wear a plain tee, guys won't stop staring and I'm not used to the attention at all.
I feel like shit for lurking here without being on hrt. I want to be. I'm sorry ;_;
I don't really know who you are. The only person I really cared about in these threads left and doesn't talk to me anymore.
And as much as I wish what you're saying was true I don't really believe I'll ever be okay. I have too many issues I can't resolve. I'm sorry.
Thanks for trying anon. I really really appreciate you trying your best to help but as I've explained before I don't see it in me. I can't move past this feeling I'm fighting a losing battle against insurmountable odds. Time to make peace with life and accept my failure.
You don't have to take hormones to have gender dysphoria, but you do have to take them to transition.
Anyone that says you can be female on pure male testosterone is full of shit.
If you are not on HRT and do not plan to take HRT, you can not be considered a woman.
Gonna try uploading to my phone and attaching here...
OK no bueno.
Itsuwarienji is the name.
Email me and I'll send it...
I honestly hope that you do see it in you someday. It makes me really sad to see girls as pretty as you consumed with feelings of dysphoria, and you've always come across as a good person to boot. This existence isn't fair...
>Been on HRT for awhile
>Head starting to feel kinda weird
>Get sick and throw-up/diarrhea all night
>Wake up with weirdly dry skin
I don't know what's happening but I'm worried I'm dying and now that I'm finally starting transition I don't actually want to die anymore. I think my head feeling weird might be the HRT because I've been told that can happen but god do I really hope I'm not dying.
>what was it at the start?
3 times per day
>what will it be at it's least frequent?
it goes down further the longer you have it
imagine it like a piercing, the longer you have it the longer you can take it out
>is there a charting for this or does it vary?
>i was talking about financially with your parents support
ah yes living at mum
>and i saw it but i feel very awkward about that like i'm intruding on your privacy so i didn't ask to see more, but i'm pretty curious about how the inside looks. it doesn't seem clockable from an "at rest" position tho.
ah well the only minor flaw would be a part of the urethra is a bit red from cautarisation
but it fades away over the first year
>i know you're a lesbian but have you played with dildos or maybe experimented with men even? i'm curious if the depth is enough or if it at least isn't apparent to men when they're fucking you that its artificial. i feel like it isn't enough depth and guys will notice and be like "why am i hitting the end of it?" i've also been in some vaginas in my time and i'll tell ya at the end of them there's a uterus and you can definitely tell where it is by feeling so the lack of one would set off some alarms maybe.
never had sex with a dude but he'd need a bit over 20 to hit the end of it (angle and stuff)
but same thing is with a lot of cis women a vag doesn't go on forever
we talked on skype a little before you removed me for whatever reason, youre a really cute girl and theres nothing about you thats awful or wrong. even if something went wrong with her youre still really great and itll be okay eventually.
>get off the imageboard and see a doctor.
but I'm a little baby who lives with their parents and depends on them for everything and they just tell me I'm a hypochondriac and don't need to see a doctor.
Eh I'd rather go out on pain killers. But either or I guess
I'm sorry anon. Just pretend I don't exist.
You don't need to get in contact with me or respond to me again. Find someone who loves you, you deserve that much.
I'm not a good person. I'm anything but.
>theres nothing about you thats awful or wrong
You don't know me, please don't make assumptions. Things won't be okay, I want to stop pretending they will be.
I'm not going to believe a dysphoric person when they tell me they're not a good person. Good person until proven otherwise. I'm going to bed, but I hope that things improve for you soon Ricky.
But Ricky ;~;
>I will never make Ricky feel better
whats your email aria my friend
sorry for late response i took a shower @_@
t-thank you btw i like the fanfic a lot
i hope i can show u something i find and like sometime ! its very generous of you
theres always technological advances. i'm glad my genes are dead, i have bad blood.
i dont got long, the situation doesn't help but i only really have myself to blame, my family doesn't know my health problems. today was the first time i ever asked for help. apparently the last too.
what part of my post says 'chaser' to you, lol. get some reading comprehension.
I want to have female friends but ciswomen always keep me at arms length once they realize Im trans.
went quicker than normal
first orgasm vaginally (dynamic dilation) 3-4 weeks post
clit orgasm after 6 weeks
not at all
see >>5584794 >>5584696 and >>5584638 for more info
it was fun
especially when he pulled loads of bandages out of my vagina
looked like some weird magic trick from my pov
>Get to know me
I'd like to. I need to sign off for tonight to sleep, unfortunately, but I'd love to talk with you some time on another day if you would care to do so. From everything I've seen here, at least, in spite of your clear depression you still have always seemed like a lovely person.
im only a click away from getting a helium tank
or i guess i could just hang myself. then i could be dead tomorrow
>dat fear of my neck not snapping
which would be better?
any advice on hanging?
You make it sound so simple, are you passing with ciswomen friends? If so, teach me.
i havent bought it yet. it's sitting in the shopping cart with a CPAP mask and tubing
idk what im gonna do, but believe it or not, reading that came closer to giving me hope than anyone ive talked to that i know
i dont wanna be responsible for your death, too. sorry. plus, the person could have just been giving me misinformation and i wouldnt want u to get screwed over for ur money, too
No it's probably not going to get better. Sorry, I don't have a reason to give you. I'm searching for one myself.
it's not going well
Do what I do. I'm just delaying my death because I'm afraid to die. I'm stalling on it for the same reason I don't do anything else with my life or make any meaninful change. I'm terrified and have accepted that I will eventually die on my own. Life is a slow suicide if you think about it. It all depends on wether you can take the torment for so many years.
im afraid of death, sure
and you're right about life being a slow suicide
but i cant take the torment for years and years to come
im willing to die, but not willing to feel a painful death. just a pussy who hates pain and wants it to stop
i don't need help, i know most of my flaws and what needs to be done to fix them. it's just a lack of opportunity in my situation. i also have worse problems in my life than how i look right now. i'm ashamed of my body because it's all my own fault to begin with. i'm hoping to make changes after i see my doctor.
disappointed? no. don't bother apologizing to me.
lifes a bitch.
lol never seen so many people suicidal over such weak shit. this is good. I fisnished a bag of popcorn but I might get more
go on, tell me more about how the universe revolves around this one flaw of yours :3
>tfw Noun will never feel passion for you again
okay. i'll tell you everything you want to know, but a picture will have to wait, as just thinking about it right now makes me want to put a knife through my leg.sorry to always disappoint, but i feel disgusted to be me right now. ask hwatever on skype i guess.
She left me because she's retarded. Typical modern woman~ Should see her now. ;)
Looking at the whole universe through the limitations of their own body. There's been men and women who have lost their genitals or worse and kept on trucking. You guys should read some Stoic philosophy. It might help you with your challenges.
The world doesn't give many fucks. How many people actually look at you in a day? I listen to these chick sounding audio clips from these chick looking girls and I think, man, this shit is 75%-90% in their head. It's sad. I wish there was something an outsider could do to make people see how they look from the outside instead of seeing their outside from the inside.
Go for the gold Anon. Do nothing mediocre. <3
That's one argument you can make.
I don't know if I can take the pain either, all my memories are obfuscated by it.
I told a friend of mine I wanted to die while crying once. I remember that so vividly. I had an accident, had a bad concussion and the doctors in the hospital told me not to sleep for 12 or I might enter a coma. My friend was supposed to take care of me, not to let me sleep but she did it anyways right after I told her that. I wonder if that single experience will be what my death's going to be like. Will my eyes just darken from tears and lose myself in crying that I won't even realise I'm losing conciousnesss?
idk. drugs were fun once but now kinda make me feel like shit
dxm used to b my fav. now my tolerance makes it hard to enjoy, even tho i do it a lot less frequently
i got my wisdom teeth out this week and got vicodin. opiates have never been my thing tho. i took 2 pills and vomited the other day
i guess i could take one just to nod out
i don't know...
im not a doctor but
does the idea of aging as a man scare you?
that was what convinced me to get on HRT. i am sure as hell not going to let my body get nuked by testosterone
also just, if u were stranded on a desert island and somehow there was a lifetime supply of hormones, would u take them?
those questions helped me
i have a long history with drugs, psys are fun, but they don't numb me. i like my drugs hard, i want to do speed again but im too old. maybe time to get a ketamine addiction going
I felt the same so I quit, but being sober sucks. nodding out seems like it's enjoyable all the time tho idk
damn. that's pretty heavy, anon
i'm sorry u had to go through that
>I don't know if I can take the pain either, all my memories are obfuscated by it
iktf. any happiness i ever felt gets smothered by it
>tfw I can't even enjoy yume nikki anymore
This will end right
That's interesting. One thing that is amazing about these different schools of thought is how developed an understanding they had of the world around them. It's something that I don't think many people in our modern era really appreciate. We have rote memorization of the fundamental sciences and overall workings of the universe, but thousands of years ago without electricity or the internet men and women laid the foundation for all we'd love and achieve.
It's really quite amazing :3
((Don't tell anyone but I'm actually a poser and have never played it))
t b h
>being sober sucks
yeah, i feel u. weed is the only thing that isnt horrible to me for the most part but i cant smoke bc i dont want a dry socket
i really wish i could robotrip like i used to. nothing in the world like it. made me want to be alive
psychedelics are nice enough, but u can only do them once in a while
never tried much else. did MXE a number of times but didn't like it too much. i guess i could try 3-meo-pcp or 4-meo-pcp
benzos sound shitty. i dont like drinking.
if i dont like vicodin and codeine, i dont see why id like heroin
nothing is appealing anymore...
i was known for being that anon that posted pics of madotsuki, too. i'm a sham
>when someone reposts the shitty hard labor and sweat of your work
Survival of the fittest. If you're too weak to read and too weak to sustain your own will then all you can do is become fertilizer for future generations.
RIP the weak. May you server the greater good in the only way left to you.
you could always bank sperm. it's what i did. dunno about the boob thing though. sorry
you could get on it and try it out for a bit. see how u feel. i was on hrt for 4 months before i banked sperm. i was infertile, but stayed off for 4 months and became fertile again in order to do it. i also lost all the boobs id gained in that time too. i mean, i hated losing my progress, but for ppl who change their minds that might be a good thing
not gonna deny that im a loser
thatd be nice. i would actually do that even tho i dont know u at all. i used to post here back when /lgbt/ was first made and only come to the threads every so often now
thank you. i wish all the best for you, too anon. i really mean it. you sound like a good person who has had a lot of suffering and pain
thank you for posting. you make me feel better about myself by being such an asshole. you're actually doing more to stop my suicidal feelings than anyone i know personally that ive talked to
for some reason i just remember the first time i crossdressed, 3 years ago. Damn I was so happy and felt so new.
Then I started to hate it, everytime I crossdressed I made cuts on my body.
Its been almost 6 months since the last time I crossdressed, I havent cut myself on a while. Oh and Im not on hormones or anything, Im almost 24, I guess I already lose my chance
When in doubt shittalk trout. We'll just stare at you gormless.
>Damn I was so happy
I wish my first experience wearing womens clothes was good. Instead it was bad because the only girl clothes I had available were my legitimately autistic older sisters and never cleans herself good and smells bad and doesn't have good fashion sense, so I kinda put on her clothes, realized how gross it was, and took them off.
i'm glad ppl don't remember what i look like. i used to post pics a few years ago, but only a couple of times
someone had me in a montage imgur album at one point and it rly weirded me out. haven't seen it in years tho
i prefer not being known. i used to namefag and i think i even added a trip at one point, but people i know started to see me posting when i didnt want them to
mostly when i was ranting about being suicidal
>tfw no one to fuck me rn desu
someone come take me pls
okay. idk if i will do it like, right now immediately but my steam url is twinArmageddons
transition is the only thing that makes life bearable, at least for me
okay, well. life is still unbearable, but it would be worse if i hadnt transitioned
being known has its ups and downs. it's nice when ppl know who u are that you like, but being insulted like that sucks
i think my favorite time posting on /mtfg/ was back in like, 2013 when i used to get drunk and post long, sloppy run on sentences. i had developed a very distinct way of typing so that people recognized me without a name or trip.
i used to be pretty good friends with Watashi in those days. she would always know who i was. idk if she still posts her even
im in the opposite position
my gf has like, no sex drive and she also has like, no experience with sex
she says she wants to make me happy and so she tries to do it, but she doesnt even know how to kiss. i mean, i was a kissless virgin once but i caught on p much immediately
she only likes topping but can't get hard
she doesnt like receiving oral which is like ??????????
i like her a lot but idk what to do bc we are basically sexually incompatible
she can't properly be dominant and won't let me do so either
also like, im just generally a horny little fuck. i want a partner who wants to enthusiastically fuck me
unfortunately the only people who want to do that with me are poly (which i am not), and the only ppl who are mono who want to date me seem to be asexual or borderline asexual
i hope she's well. she doesn't really talk to me anymore. i think she got tired of me being so depressed. can't say i blame her, but i do think about her and hope she's happy
I like a challenge. Why, do you think you can take better care of yourself? Wouldn't it be nicer to look up to someone who will always be there for you, someone who owns you and has a vested interest in you?
>tfw Mado will never add you
believe it or not that name was a joke! feel free to add me though
>tfw someone i briefly dated is cutting themselves on cam rn
i feel so guilty. i tried being poly with them but i just couldn't handle it
they were falling in love with me
i'm the worst
Tch. I'm not interested in that. I'm just messing with you. If I wanted to do something erotic via message it would be rooting through your hopes and dreams. The base cravings of the flesh are better sated in person anyway.
>tfw you'll never cut with anon
I just don't want to be lonely. You can hurt me, just please don't leave me alone.
I'm a simple man who enjoys simple pleasures. :3 There are many titles and assets in the world, fame and fortune, but it all comes back to that in the end. Any father could tell you that simple dream is worth the world.
>tfw scared of disappointing my gf with my inexperience and disinterest
I'm not too big on kissing either but I do it 'cause she likes it...
on the bright side there's a mutual interest in cuddles and the lewder stuff has yet to come up
sorry to hear. best of luck to you.
i might break up with this girl desu. i need good sex. call it shallow if you like. just like you can't control not really liking physical stuff, i can't control being horny af
i hope we both find someone who matches our needs
Nah, it's not shallow. It's a shitty situation but I'm not really inclined to blame either of you for it.
Me too... I mean, I think my kissing's getting a bit better and it doesn't feel so awkward now though she's still more into it than me. If things get lewder I might be in trouble but for now I'm just going to enjoy things as they are
Wish I had my blade to make fresh ones
>when enough razors
lend me some
mine is so dull now
>like im picasso.
>tfw Noun doesn't even say goodnight to you
Why even live
Ricky stop pls. You really dont need to hurt yourself. Please...
Oh we just hang around /lewd/. I'm Chijo but I haven't posted in a while cause it just hurts.
I'm sorry. I gotta go now anyway. Please don't cry, I'm not worth it.
You're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. I dont blame you. I feel the same way most days.
J-Just dont hurt yourself ok?
Ricky, I dont know you at all, Im the first anon on this thread that posted about self harming, Im also one of the assholes that is telling you to keep cutting yourself.
Cutting isnt going to solve anything but at least its going to stop part of the pain. Also what does it matter a pair of scars, you're probably going to kill yourself anyways.
I would had do anything to be able to seize the pain back when I started cutting myself, as everybody I had a bunch of people telling me its wrong and that I shouldnt do it, but they dont really care, they wouldn't even talk to me.
I also remember when I used to cut myself during all night and then around 7am my mom wakes up to beat me for being a faggot.
>this place is really turning into a shithole
All kinds of stuff... And lewd.. Its pretty fun I think. Nice laughs. wish I wasn't so heartbroken over Noun
>tfw pookie goes offline
ehhh wahh its about the blood n da rush cuz I'm too lazy to job or do pushups waah
Spare me the emo bullshit. At least make it so the you a decade from now doesn't look like a complete fuckup and failure. Make it so future you can play it off as some kind of edgy at-home body modding.
literally this >>5585285
if i was an escort and i cammed i would be so rich, but sex with random guys has always been weird for me. that's why i talk to a million guys and sleep with none of that.
i'd also like to add that someone from here who's incredibly idiotic actually tried your bullshit before and i just cackled. yall are so fucking stupid.