Does anybody else remember becoming conscious?

>>19489527
Something along those lines. I have memories before that, but pre language it's hard to make any sense of anything and keep a narrative going. It was still a long time before I got out of my head and could stay focused on the world in front of me.

The bigger one was when I was 12 and had that moment where every joke made sense and I could do formal operations and abstract reasoning. That shit was wild. Then I learned how to fap.

>>19489527

yeah. earliest memory i have is about 3 years old. before that is nothingness. sort of like a light switched on.

>>19490331
Do you remember how it felt? Did you think anything in particular?

Same. It's creepy. I just suddenly had consciousness, once at 2 years old, but then suddenly it went blank, as if my conciousness went off again, then I woke up as the 4 year old me in my bathroom.

>>19489527
I can only recall memories from age of 4 or 5 as well. I guess that's when I realized where and who I was, consciously.

>>19490353
I've heard it called a 'walk in soul' experience. I don't think I've come across any accounts of it happening to a person twice.

>>19489527
I've have multiple memories from when I was very young. I partly remember my birth, it was like becoming lucid in a dream for a second. The doctors face was very blurry and there was a bright light, that's it.

2nd earliest is me crawling in the hallway towards the front door, it only lasted a second or 2 and then blank.

3rd earliest was me walking in a diaper. This time I thought to myself, "I'm going to remember this" and I did.

I kept going in and out of consciousness until I moved to Puerto Rico at the age of 3 or 4. The first day there is when I became fully conscious of everything.

>>19489527

>remember being very young crawling around. >grandfather was watching me but I had no idea who he was.
>language was foreign and so was sound then I blanked out.

I wasn't conscious until age 4.If anything I remember more about before I was born.

>>19489527
That is called 'creating the ego'. You were conscious before that in the sense that you were aware of things.

>>19490577

It's way more than 'ego'

you don't remember anything before you were 5? holy shit you must have had shitty parents sounds like you were seriously deprived of stimulation
that's horrifying

I remember eating melon for the first time and my dad teaching me how to say melon, I don't eve remember how old I was

>>19489527
Yeah, my first memory was from when I was around 4, I guess. I was running around in a circle and squealing like a typical dumbass kid in front of some guests we had when suddenly I was just there. Didn't know why I was doing what I was doing at the time, even back then when it happened. I just suddenly became award right in the middle of playing.

>>19490589
No, it's not.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia

It has nothing to do with 'becoming conscious'. Thats fucking ridiculous.

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>>19489527
I was born a mute, so at around the age of 5 I was starting to develop speech interestingly it was also that time I would consider first becoming aware, but this awareness was indifferent to everything and everyone. I gradually became more and more empathic and interested in things and people..

>>19490592
I wouldn't say so. My mother actually spoils me to this very day.

>>19490685
Calling it amnesia just seems odd. I don't feel as if I've forgotten anything. It's difficult to explain, but I just remember becoming aware of where I was at the age of five. It was like a moment of clarity. It's literally as if I woke up. I don't think a person would be able to understand unless they experienced it.

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>>19490705
>2spoopy4u

Ok.

>>19490705
that last statement is interesting for the open ended implications. the word seems appropriate due to it's origins and semantics.

fuck this thread for stimulating my mind into research into the psychological studies on the developement of consciousness

>>19490705
yeah I know lots of parents who "spoil" their children by shoving sweets into their mouths and restraining them in highchairs 2 feet away from the tv all day
between that and being stuck in a playpen 90% of the time
and they never speak to the children or look them in the eye or connect with them in any way
then they gloat about what good parents they are and how well they're providing for their children and how spoiled they are and how much the children should love them
and the children grow up believing it all, yet they've actually had their brains irreversibly retarded from the youngest age
oh well

>>19490729
I can see where your train of thought came from, but I actually grew up poor. When I said I was spoilt, I meant my mother loved me very much. I've done a lot of awful things, and she's forgiven me time and time again.

>>19490724
It's not really about 'spoop'. It's an anecdote that not many people have experienced, based on irl conversations and the state of this thread. It's a very specific feeling. Like hitting the peak of a high, but without the disorientation or the 'wavy' feeling. It felt underwhelming and yet significant.

>>19489527
I remember being around 6-7 months old lying on my sleeping fathers chest, i can remember it clear as day. Is reall weird that i still remember that like i experienced it yesterday (which would look weird now since im taller than my dad)

>>19489527

Dude! I actually remember it every morning when I wake up.

Glad its not just me..

>>19489527
I remember the time I discovered that I had a bumhole, does that count?

My earliest memory is being in the pram at a supermarket. I dropped my toy tiger, I'm not sure what age but I wasn't able to speak and communicate that I dropped my toy.

When I was about 5/6 I used to get these strange feelings where reality looked strange for a split second and I'd be like "WTF is all this?".. Then I'd get afraid and tell my mum I was afraid of dying.

>>19491321
>My earliest memory is being in the pram at a supermarket. I dropped my toy tiger, I'm not sure what age but I wasn't able to speak and communicate that I dropped my toy.

I've the same experience, except it was a 70's style plush lion.

>>19491382
You lost part of something you considered yourself. You realise that you had separation and you became aware.

What does it mean?

>>19491321
Why did you think you were dying? Not quite on topic, but I'm curious.

>>19489527
The earliest memories I have are running barefoot in the summer, the glare of the sun, and the green grass. I don't remember anything before that, and I don't remember remembering.

I still feel like I haven't woke up yet

I dont remember much before i was 8 or 10 i think, just one memory of me crawling through a tunnel of sorts and another one when my aunt teach me how to draw a car, dunno why but this last one is the best memory i have.

>>19491850
>>19491858

Poetry is fine and well, but it'd be nice if you guys went into depth.

>>19489527
True, i also dont remember anything significant until the age of 5. Fucking weird.

>>19491903
What was the significant event?

I remember when the doctor cut off my umbilical cord

nothing special OP

>>19491893
That wasn't poetry. I may have phrased in a somewhat embellished way, but not intentionally. That's all there is to it really; The sun glare, the heat, running barefoot outside, stepping on the walkway which was warm from the sun, and the grass which was cool. Just flashes, no full recollection of anything. That's mostly how my memory is, there are big holes everywhere, with single incomplete scenes from various periods.

I am op, i am
Until now...

I've had a very similar experience. I can't remember exactly when, but I had to be in kindergarten. I just remember playing outside in front of my house and having a random sense like "oh, I'm alive?" And also thinking things like "what would life be like if I were never born" all around the same time. It was like I had just realized what life was. Until then, I only had one specific memory and everything else was a rush/blur

I have memory's of feelings, I remember my babys blanket that I hated because of the material. I also remember how my stockings used to slide off I even kinda remember the feeling of being in the womb

I swear to God when I opened my eyes as a baby the first time I heard something/someone say (though not in any language) "I've arrived", and then I opened my eyes and looked up at my mom's face

>>19491986
Do you have any other memories like that? Having a snapshot memory sounds preferable to remembering full scenes.

>>19492016
What conclusion did you come to when you asked yourself what life would be like if you'd never been born?

>>19492025
I'm probably going to regret asking this.. But what did it feel like being in the womb?

>>19492034
If it wasn't in any language, how did you know what that person said? Was it more of a feeling than it was a statement?

>>19492048
like something intuited to me, I remember the voice/presence whatever sounded so wise, like it was in complete control of what was happening, and then as soon as I opened my eyes it took a step behind the curtain, as it were. Maybe I'll meet it again when I die?

>>19492092
If I were you, I'd hope I didn't meet it ever again. That sounds terrifying.

>>19492034
>Traveler confirmed

But why would the director put you in an infant?

>>19489527
No and it bugs me, my parents say that when i was 5 years old i used to dance on top of the table like an idiot whenever my dad played his old shitty rock CDs, they even filmed me and all, thing is i don't remember any of it however i do remember other significant things that happened when i was 5 years old, like getting my first and only dog, my parents getting me a playstation and learning how to ride a bike, but i legitimately do not remember this dancing thing.

>>19492039
>Do you have any other memories like that
Yes, a bunch, but not much that is particularly memorable from the far past. I remember cowering under a chair, for example, because my parents wanted to abruptly move away after a fight with my grandparents, thinking they wouldn't find me.

>>19489527
no one will believe me but that's ok. when I was about 2 oI "woke" up briefly because I was left alone in my crib/pen and I remember distinctly having a sense of ego or I I was thinking/feeling that being alone was unpleasant and that I didn't want to be alone then everything is blank until 4.
Then at around 12 I suddenly felt the distinct feeling of becoming lucid like in a dream that you accept everything until you stop and analyze; that sent me for a fucking loop.

>>19491798
You get this when you receive a life threatening or serious injury, or your first serious injury
For example on my first concussion, I felt out of body, as if I was pushed out then saw myself third person, but this lasted about one second, then i felt falling, falling, falling and then I hit the grass (this was in a rugby game) i saw myself fall, felt myself fall but was it in myself when I fall, I saw accurately behind me, like I shouldn't have been able to. I realised there's more than what we see

>>19489527

I have some memories of being little, like two years old or so.

What is more concerning is when I became a nihilist at age 7...

>>19489527
i think i've been "conscious" since i was 2 or 3? i remember everything about going to preschool, i remember drooling all over myself and thinking it was disgusting

i had a really (mentally) abusive father but when i was 2 or so we moved a considerable distance away, i feel like that's when i gained "consciousness"

I remember the exact moment the awkwardness of puberty hit. One second I'm sitting in class making funny noises, and then all at once I realise how stupid I look.

>>19492518
When I was like 8, it hit me all at once how weird it was that I existed at all. I tried to articulate it to a teacher, and she didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. I think this is when they started to suspect I had autism.

My earliest I was at least maybe 4 yrs old I guess. I remember my mom holding me in her arms while I was crying. I kept repeating over and over again "I want to go home" in-between infantile sobs. Then for some reason looked up a second later and realize I was already home. I don't remember the journey it took to get home at all, it was like one second my mom was holding me while we were in some foreign environment. Then a second later, like literally felt like one second, almost as if teleported, I found myself at home like I had always been there. But prior to these happenings I agree that it was as if a light switched on metaphorically speaking and I popped into existence already in the midst of crying

Shit was weird

>>19492665

Yeah I remember playing with a toy when it just struck me how weird everything was, and that my toy did not matter, and that it was weird to be alive etc..

>>19492669
>realize you're alive
>fucking cry your eyes out

I guess that explains how babies work.

>>19491993
hillo lamb

>>19489527
I had memories before it happened to me
like when played with my first toy car
when i was like 7-9 months old

I also remember when I started to walk
somehow I understood my parents and that they want me to stand up , but I was no( I didnt really used my language at all) ,my leg will be hurt and that its not natural\usual
Then stood up, it felt tiring, my legs got tired real fast, then I started to walk towards my mom who was really surprised.
And that's how it happened, after that I walked again and again, in the first few days it really tired my muscles , then it got easier. It was like working out, doing pushups or something like that.

Then when I was around 3 years old , at late morning, I woke up and became conscious. Just like what OP said, its like if someting was turned on in my mind , I was conscious. I knew that I am here and there, then walked out and found mom, and so my sorrowfull journey began through life lol.

I have a prebirth memory, and it has ruled my life to my detriment because it has made it impossible for me to take life seriously. I know that there's something else happening beneath our reality.

If I get time, and motivation I will post a summary of my prebirth memory.

Whoa, its like what happenes when you take too much Xanax. Lol

Your conscious and operating but you cant remember any of it.

>>19492716
>>19492716
Your subconscious is quite literally the underpinnings of your daily conscious experience of reality. It's like a projector; (you) being it's projection. If you can manipulate your subconscious intentionally should you find a way to; you could in effect alter your conscious image of reality.

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>>19490573
>i remember more about before i was born

wait wat

Yeah I had something similar to this

I was walking to school with my mum one day when I was very young. I started to wonder if everyone else was robots and I was the only real person.

That kinda triggered something I think. Or maybe that was the trigger?

>>19492139
I remember seeing cabbage white butterflies we had cared for as chrysalises and caterpillars being released out of their box into the open rose garden air of the nursery I was at at the age of about 4, I remember seeing a grasshopper for the first time, I remember foot painting, but I don't goddamn remember being allowed into the cab of a digger they were using to build a tram on the way to the nursery? (my dad tells me, and I trust him)
Memory's weird bro, and our motivations and/interests for remembering one thing but not another.

>>19489527 could be part of the individuation process

http://journalpsyche.org/jung-and-his-individuation-process/

>>19489527
Sort of relevant,
A few days ago I poured a bowl of peanutbutter cap'n crunch for breakfast. When I sat down and started eating the smell of it gave me a very vivid memory of being in a kitchen/dining room. The walls were blue, and there was a view into a forest. It was a sunny day. For some reason thinking about it makes me weirdly emotional, and I cant remember any house looking like that, I don't know.

>>19492665
Do you in fact have autism? Or did you just have weird tendencies?

>>19492716
Please do.

>>19492824
I still worry that everyone else may be robots, or maybe just not real at all. I wouldn't call it mental illness, because it doesn't interfere in my daily life. Probably something I should've grown out of, though.

>>19493926
Have you considered talking to your parents about it? Maybe there used to be a house like that you all lived in.

>>19493974
Nah, man, my parents bought their house before i was born. I can't explain why it makes me want to cry, but that feeling drops as soon as I stop thinking about it.

>>19491321
That could be from a neural pathway being completed. We all know how weird it feels destroying brain cells (drugs/alcohol).

>>19492618
Kek

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>>19490331
This for me too

It's something I think about from time to time, but have never told anyone about because I don't exactly know how to explain it

It's as if before there was nothing and then like a light had been flicked on, there I was, three years old, in my living room, looking at my plastic play house

It's not only my earliest memory, even then it felt like the moment I literally came into existance

then I discovered porn

>>19495235
I really hope you genuinely mean this, because it makes me incredibly happy. Yes, it felt just like that. Like I'd never existed before my 5th birthday, even though I knew everything about myself in that moment.

It's so hard to explain, to the point of it sounding like bull shit.

>>19495235
>>19495280
I can only describe it as feeling like you suddenly woke up, but everything is a blur. It's similar to suddenly becoming conscious in a dream. Suddenly you're just there and aware of everything and then a few seconds later everything is black again until the next memory.

>>19495280
>>19495410
Yes! This! I felt/did this on May 3rd! I "woke up" into the expanded version of the dream!

>>19495172
Indulge me, how does this "destroying" neural pathways feel?

>>19489527
Earliest memory would be within my first year alive, I don't remember seeing or hearing anything but I remember the feeling of not been able to breath with my esophagus problem

guess you can say I remember being born?

if I had to go through details, it was white, then it turned black. then throw in a few memories when I was a babby

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It's weird because I generally consider my childhood somewhat uneventful and I can't say I ever had some "great epiphany" moment, rather things just kind of fell into place and made sense at a very young age for me. One really vivid memory I have is of sitting on the carpet in my bedroom and playing with a random assortment of toys. I first had the thought that there was something weird about playing with toys because for all I knew they were alive but would never be able to tell me because they didn't have "guts or organs like me". I got kinda weirded out thinking about it and it stuck in my head for a while and eventually led to other thought processes. Why is it I only had 1 vivid memory of being a baby and couldn't remember anything else? I was alive obviously, and I had all my "guts" but somehow it was like I wasn't alive. Even weirder to me was the fact that the world existed before I did and I somehow just didn't exist at one point.

I would call it an existential crisis but it was the good kind of scary to me, like sneaking out to the TV to watch shows my parents forbade. I ended up asking my dad how it was possible for me to not have existed at one point, and if death was like that and he just gave me a canned Catholic response even I could tell was a copout. Everything after that period felt much more "crisp" and real in a way that's hard to really define. I was maybe about 4 or 5 at the time.

>>19489527
maybe you just stopped being retarded that day. i doubt it though

>>19489527
I remember this too actually. thought I was the only one. I remember being In complete darkness with a bunch of other lights floating through nothingness, and then one day I woke up next to my mom In bed at my old house and looking at her and the ceiling. It was weird. because thats my earliest memory and It makes no sense at all. I don't remember anything before that, but I'm told that I was always a curious kid, when I came out of the womb I looked surprised because my aunt was screaming or something. But my episode 1 was just waking up and looking at the ceiling.

I remember waking up on the couch, wondering where I was, and annoyed at the fuzzy itching at the edge of my finger tips. I'd had to have been 4. I briefly have flashes of earlier events but the clearest earliest memory is waking up on that couch confused. Just happening to find this thread is honestly creeping me out

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>>19489527
Yup. In kindergarten going through my cubby. I saw this jerkoff named Rodger jamming all his crayons and pictures he drew into his back and they were all broken and papers were crumpled up. I thought he was an ignorant prick and that I was way smarter by putting my crayons in a box so they wouldn't break and then I was kind of like, huh, I "am" that's pretty weird and it snowballed from there

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I feel you homie, I was the same. Pure nothingness until I looked down at my feet, realised I was in my backyard standing in a clover patch. Consciousness hit me all at once and from then on I became myself. I'm placing this memory somewhere around the age of 3, because I wasn't in kindergarten or pre-school yet. I started pre school at 4 I believe.

Pic unrelated, just a weird thing I drew.

>>19489527
around 2-3, more towards 3

>>19496212
Dude that pic is pretty sick. You got any more?

>>19495659
maybe your body had another soul before you. Something happened to it and it was replaced by you.

>>19489527
My earliest memory is being in blue dolphin shaped stroller at the zoo and going inside of the aquarium while Pink Floyds another brick in the wall was playing. I was about 2. The next earliest is being around 3 and looking out the window as my aunt Lisa got punched in the face by her bf and the her purse dropped to the ground and her pink and green tube of mascara rolled down the driveway. It's weird the shit we remember.

I feel like I'm in a constant state of this. Every time I anchor myself in the moment and remember that I am it's like the rest never really happened. Childhood memories are pretty few and far between. I can barely remember what I was doing a few weeks ago.

Life is weird and I don't get it

>>19496453
Wait, you saw your aunt get punched in the face, but pre-adolescent you watched a tube of mascara roll instead? That's bizarrely cinematic sounding. I can picture it.

>>19496471
>Life is weird and I don't get it.

/thread

>>19492716
Same here; I actually remember quite a bit, including why I came here, my emotions on it, and everything. Makes it impossible to relate to others.

>My first memory is of being some spiritual being in that gray mist area on some metal platform, getting ready to leave for Earth.

>After this I remember being a baby in a swing, and going back to talk to some spirit about my life on Earth. I thought I was "cursed" and that's why I was only a baby. I thought I was going to stay that way, I didn't know you progressed from a baby to a child and then an adult.

As a kid I would have occasionally lucid moments but it seemed easier to live life without full awareness. Now I would say I'm maybe 50/50 and yeah, it's separated me from society because my thoughts and concerns are so different.

>>19492772
This can be done; check out Rudolph Steiner. Fair warning, it's an intense read, translated from German, and from 1910s or so.

As a baby, I remember being very mischievous. Would find my way out of the crib, climb into bed and lay on mum and dad's chest. Listen to them breathe, watch them sleep, waiting for them to wake and being downright terrified that they'd died because of how soundly they slept. Remember as a toddler telling my parents about a dream I had, about an apartment they lived in before I was even conceived, was able to describe a particular piece of furniture in good detail. Dreamt about my dad being a fireman, but was also not a fireman for years. Very lucid childhood, lot of psychic shit that just kind of dulled as the years went by. Now my life is ruled by Grand Coincidences.

I still remember that day i got my consciousness. I dont remeber the age, probably a baby? since im laying on my back. I remember that I have to choose between my father or mother to which will i be attached the most. There's a soft voice speaking to me and then when i opened my eyes i saw the face of my mother and then father. Memory still fresh up to this day.

>>19496607
Who did you choose?

I have early (age nearly 2) memories, but always had the continuity of consciousness. This is really interesting, I've never heard of the sudden awakening to existing before, but it seems like a fairly common experience.

I don't remember thinking "Oh, I'm alive", but I have memories going back to 3 or maybe 2, usually being excited about getting root beer in my bottle or another treat.

I can recall doing things with my family and learning to say certain words, but nothing else held quite so much fidelity as those simple moments. If I didn't have an inherent drive to get up and move around I'd be a 400 pound fatass.

For me, there was no revelation about my existence. I always "was" back to those earliest memories.

>>19489527
I have the exact same feeling. I have memeroies from before I was ~5/6 but I don't feel like I was really sentient. Or maybe they were implanted memories and I didn't exist until then. Or maybe I took over some other poor souls body.

>>19489527
Remembering being conscious back before being formulated in a cell knowing the mysteries of the umbilical cord while two minds were attached as one co-creational formulation. Yet you'd wonder when I type God knit. Jesus is The Word.

>>19490729
It's no wonder we have so many autists nowadays

>>19489574
You sound like a deranged narcissist

>>19490589
Nah

>>19490705
Your mom spoiling you sounds extremely plausible given your stunted brain

I'm probably misunderstanding this, but are we describing conciousness as when you just remember shit from then on?

I always knew my name, where I was, and what was going on around me. I never had one of these "aha" moments, or if I did I had it when I was just becoming a toddler.

The fact that you don't remember being conscious at a young age doesn't mean you weren't. Your past is only build on memories, and your brain isn't perfect.

>>19489527
I remember one time when I was six sitting out in the backyard and having a conversation about life and reality and how weird it all was. It was like a collective realization that we all existed and just an attempt to try to rationalize the world around us. It was weird as fuck.

We also had a weird conversation about the universe.

>>19490729
they probably are comparing themselves to abusive parents, parents who forget to feed their kids, parents who let their kids play in the woods at age 3, etc.
which are often their own parents

>>19489527
I had a moment like that, although I have earlier memories and I know I was conscious in some way before it
there was a sort of fade from white I think, and I just thought to myself "whoa" or something similar
I realized I was looking at myself in the mirror, specifically a mirror on the back of a door
I had a bunch of thoughts run through my head, "where am I?", "who am I?", "what's going on?", and I was concerned for a second and then I thought, "I'm me, I'm here", even though I didn't register at the time exactly where I was or what my name was, but I knew a lot of that knowledge was in my head somewhere and that I was safe
I think after that I started to remember my name and a few other things, and then I looked around the room I was in (it was my mom's room, but I didn't realize that at the time)
after I got situated I opened the door and walked out and talked to my mom, who I think I recognized? I knew she was supposed to be there
I think I asked her what my name was and where we were and some other things like that, and she didn't seem too surprised
that's where it gets fuzzier until it cuts out, although I remember remembering that farther, and living in it
unless it was a dream
although I think the shirt I was wearing and the mirror are ones that I later found out were real, and that were gotten rid of when I was very young, but that doesn't mean much
my memories from before that are my mom and grandpa standing next to me while I was at the table eating soup, and my grandpa being taken away because he had something wrong with him (although I think that was sort of "paraphrased" because in that "memory" he was awake and sitting up and in a pickup truck, but when he had his stroke I think he was taken away in an ambulance), plus maybe one or two others that aren't coming to me right now
those are kind of significant because my grandpa died when I was three
my memory started becoming continuous some time when I was 4

>>19498403
You are misunderstanding this. A lot of people are. It's not an 'aha' moment. It's not realizing you live in a world in the middle of a big empty universe and blah blah blah. It's not some epiphany about existence. It is a very brief and insignificant moment. Like a flash of a camera. Like the very first microsecond of waking up in the morning, before you start functioning. You would not have questions about who you are, or some bizarre existential crisis. It's a very.. Distinct, feeling.

>>19498420
I'm aware of that. I only wondered if anybody else had experienced this. I worry about it sometines and I have no one to discuss it with. I used to think it meant I wasn't supposed to exist, or "I" was someone completely differenr, and still do sometimes.

>>19489527


YES OP YES... i was sitting in the back of the truck with my grandma and grandpa. I was like, 3 years old? 4 years old maybe? No 4 years old and I kinda realized I had no memory of who i was last year?

Also a lot of times growing up and i do this today but especially as a kid i would disassociate looking at my hands/myself in the mirror? realizing i was alive?

>>19489527
Most of my (pre)childhood memories are all from the third person. I'm watching it all play out like a movie.

>>19489527
One time my daed made fun of me walkin and said it was feminine and I was like 4.

I assume age 4 and a half one time I was being a cheeky with me nanny and I slipped underneath a fence while she wasn't looking, I moved after I was half way through then got noticed! Then I bolted for the door and popped it open and realized it was the park center and all the adults were dancing with lights all about.

I went for it and went all the way through the prancing adults carefully to the exit to get out and cause that tiny room in the center was boring and bland to point it was like a mental ward.

>>19499841
this were the times I became lucid.

I remember a dream, I was in some part of my elementary school watching some bird, either an owl or an eagle, flying around. It was relatively surreal for some reason. Afterwards I woke up in my room and that was my first conscious memory. I found it extremely strange because that felt like my first moment alive, and yet I had all of this useless knowledge that I had no idea how I had ever gained. I could speak english, I knew my family members by name and face, and I could recognize TV shows. Even at that time I mentioned it to absolutely no one. I was confused as to whether or not anyone would even understand the words that I said, so I just tried acting natural and it worked. As far as anyone could tell I was no different than I was the day before. Something that seemed like a new experience to me was completely routine for them. I don't actually remember what age I was at the time. I never went to school until the age of 6, however I felt like my first memory was before that point. The only contradiction there is that I seem to remember that not long after I woke up I ended up going to school.

>>19492782
I had this dream about 10 years ago

> I was in cart on this rail road with multiple rails going every way, some going into mountains, ect.
>The sky was really dark, that brief period of the sunset and night time.
> The path I'm on the rail is broke leading into a huge hole
>Fall into this abyss and freak out
>Remember the sensation of falling, then slowly forgetting who I was
>Forgetting that I was falling and now floating
>Forgetting about my family, my name, any thoughts and desires
>Become part of this abyss while losing my sight, senses and feelings

This dream reminded me of what it was like before I had a conscious memory of this world.

>>19489527
>be 3
>shit my pampers
>change myself
>think "this is how my life is"
>earliest memory to date

>>19489574
>then i learned how to fap
It's like you just expressed my life in a single post

I remember. I was 7 years old. I was in the bathroom taking a shit and I was staring at the hexagonal pattern in the tile on the floor. I remember thinking to myself, "I exist...I'm real...how am I real? How do I exist? I'm currently alive, what was it like before I could think?" And as I was thinking these things, I kept getting a very fucking weird feeling that would physically surge through my body/heart and I'd get kinda woozy for a split second. I've thought about that ever since (I'm 30 now) and it's a very vivid memory.

>>19500094
what did your parents think?

>>19500134
all i can really remember is my dad saying the word "sentient" which i had no idea what it meant at the time

>>19489527
yes, i had a moment just like this

on a similar note to this thread, does anyone else ever just have that point of such deep thought about where we come from and the universe, then you reach a point where you basically feel like you're getting sucked back and can't go any further, as if you're almost at a point of making some sort of "breakthrough"?

>>19489527
Black kid asking to be my friend in kindergarten. "Fuck you nigger."

>>19489527
Things like this always made me uncomfortable because i think my earliest memory is from inside the womb. I remember floating in complete darkness and then taking a huge turn and swifting into a real uncomfortable position. When i told this to my mother years later she was astonished because shortly before i was born i DID make a huge turn inside her.

>>19489527
I had something like this happen to me. I was in school I was a stupid bully, I was choking a kid in the bathroom as my friends was next to me laughing. I felt like I woke up and stopped what I was doing. I have asked EVERYONE I know if it happened to them in life, and it has not. I really wish I knew what the heck it was. But I do know it changed me forever.

Well.. I always felt my memories started when I was 3, and while I was 3 I knew that I couldnt't remember being younger.
But it seems like there WERE a few memories from when I was 2 where i faded in and out. I can only remember a few moments, like looking at my neighbor's turtles, or being in the front yard of my old house.
But I don't remember the exact moment when I could remember everything afterwards, but I know I was 3

I did this. Multiple times as i got older but it's kinda came to a point now. I wonder if thereis like an ultimate level you get to

>>19490331
I first remember waking up in my bed and then running to look at myself in the mirror.

Yup. I was ~2-3 years old.

The first thing I remember is waking up in my room and thinking "Who am I?", "Who is my mom?", and then I tried to remember what happened before that point, but I couldn't.

>>19490592
This phenomenon is more genetic than anything, its really just when your brain develops enough for you to be "aware"

I can't find the post now but someone further up the thread suggested looking into jungs individuation and now it's all so clear.

Thanks anon.

>>19492824
I remember constantly thinking as a child that everyone around me was just an illusion and I was in something like a game show and the "real" people were all watching me. Sort of like the matrix but this was long before that was ever made. Although I think there was a goosebumps book along the same lines I might have had that gave me the idea, but it stuck with me my entire life, that I was constantly being monitored 24/7. Made jacking off super uncomfortable when I got older.

>>19489527
This is somewhat explained by piagetian psychology

>>19500422
Try self hypnosis, meditation, and lucid dreaming. You can never remember the exact answers but you can get some definite feels.

>>19489527
I used to live in a bad neighbourhood when I was a young kid. I must've been 3 maybe 4. But I remember going outside to play one day and seeing a hobo being arrested out of the abandoned house next door. The cop gave me this look of pity, and the hobo just stole a glance

>>19496471
>Every time I anchor myself in the moment and remember that I am it's like the rest never really happened

it may be cheesy and overdone but i'm gonna say it anyway, the only meaningful moment is now. it was now when you were born and it will be now just before you die. regardless of what your brain puts together of the past or future you can always exist now, change your behaviour now, be what you want to be now. your child self knows this before it begins to perceive time, you get the feeling when you think about it that nothing really happened because it didn't. This life is a dream, now ask yourself "what do i get out of dreams"? "what are dreams for"? THE EXPERIENCE, you take away from that dream how it made you feel, no matter the ludicrous subject, if a dream made you feel a certain way you will remember it forever, people are the same, you will always remember how they made you feel. This life is about our feelings and emotions because it's the closest we can trick ourselves into believing that we aren't apart of the source when really we never left the realm of the absolute, we are just projecting our consciousness into this fake reality, realise that's it's all for fun, all for the fear and the love and the play, life starts to make sense. Remember that you are god and you will head back to the experience of being god.

>>19496471
do you remember things in third person too

My earliest memory is me in my room at my grandma's house. I'm standing at the baby gate waiting for somebody to come pick me up and change my diaper. I remember my grandma's dog, Sheena coming and licking my face and then jumping over the gate,going behind me and eating the shit out of my diaper. I was super confused as to what this dog was doing, but before long my aunt came and picked me up snd scolded the dog.

File: 1476686824792.jpg (35KB, 513x515px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 513x515px

>>19495461
I'm an alcoholic meth addict who stays up days at a time and has for almost a decade.

I can't remember yesterday well,I can't remember dates,I can't do math in my head any longer and I can't multitask.I wasn't always this brain dead. My dreams are more abstracted and childlike and it's hard to separate reality from fiction. My ability to songwrite is GONE.and time laspes differently hours fly by unchecked weeks turn in to days.also can't into English anymore I forget how it works.the only thing I can remember is to get drunk so I forget to remeber the emptiness

>>19501344
Well, this is depressing. Get off the drugs, methbro.

>>19489527
Well OP, there is two memories in particular I'd like to discuss with you, and at some point they were both my memories. When I was about 14 my mom told me about a couple of things I told her that creeped her out when I was little. She said that I was playing outside one day with my brothers(I was 3 at the time), and after I came in, I looked at her strangely and said "I remember when the lights came on!" She asked my what I meant and I told her that I remember a weird zipper sound and then being picked up into the lights and giggling, then squinting because everything was too bright. That really creeped her out because she remembered my giggling and squinting after the doctor did the cesarean.
At this point she asked if i remembered anything else, at which point I told her I remember climbing the rope to listen to the song( I used to climb up into my moms ribcage a lot during the pregnancy, and she hated it lol.)
But to speak on my first memory, I was about two and a half and I was jumping from my bed to my brothers bed in my old bedroom, which had my power ranger sheet on it and a N64 controller on my bros(hes older). I was laughing and whatnot, just being a super happy kid, then after I stopped I immediately recognized that I had to poo. While I was pooping I looked in the mirror and thought OH THATS ME.

My first memory is kind of reminiscent of some of the other anons here, only there's one big difference.

While other anons here remembered black, then white, I remembered white and then black. After that I was standing in a kitchen and I went to go and talk to my mother. I must have been like 2 or 3 years old at the time. I'm guessing early three years of age, but I could be wrong.

Also, on the first day I was conscious, I had a dream, and on the second day I had another dream that I still somewhat remember.

>>19491321
>When I was about 5/6 I used to get these strange feelings where reality looked strange for a split second and I'd be like "WTF is all this?".. Then I'd get afraid and tell my mum I was afraid of dying

You started to recognise that reality could change from what you were attached to, and all death really is is massive attachment loss

My very first memory was my father cleaning my shit, and I pee myself when he was done to make fun of him, I was 3 years old.

I have a really strong memory. I can recall being baptized as an infant. I also had memories of dying in a previous life ever since I was a toddler.
I don't think I really had a 'moment of consciousness', but I remember one day back in 5th grade I just had a sudden awareness of 'time' and the transience of 'now'. I was watching someone walk out of the classroom, and then back in. It was the first time I can recall being this super aware of my surrounding, my existence and the reality that I exist in.

>>19489527
The earliest memory I have is when I was 2 years old. I remember that I woke up in my cradle at night. I felt tired and I tried to get myself out of the cradle.
In that moment I realized that I was in somewhere, that I had a name and felt things for someone. My bedroom had Stars in the ceiling that lighted up on the night, I just stood there and watch those fake plastic stars and fell asleep.

I was a wee lad the early 90s, my mom and dad were watching some Stephen King movie about the guy with the broken legs in the snowed in cabin.

Walked in when somebody was getting stabbed to death that was when I realized I was a mortal being with little time on earth.

I remember bursting into tears. Been suffering from existential dread ever since. It didn't away until I started practicing meditation and smoking DMT. Helped me realize the cyclical nature of being.

>>19495645
It's ok, you tried..

>>19489527
Children are said not to develop an Ego until they are around 4, so it makes sense.

I think I was 3, our dog was sniffing at my face, it's nose/snout in my eyes. I remember not feeling scared, just that he was smelling close, his nose was black and wet.

First "online" thought I had.

>>19500437
Fucking hate black people.
>I'm a nigger

It was the same way for me except it was a bit weirder. It all I remember is having a flashback in my dream where i was in a horrific car crash when I was one and I woke up being 5 years old. I was already in school but I just suddenly realized that I was alive.

Around 4 year old , I woke up one day and started asking myself who I am. I went out bedroom and saw my mum and dad , I asked myself who are they. I used around 5mins to figure out all the thing . and that is how I start having consciousness, I don't remember anything before that

>>19499969
bullshit

>>19505864
Pretty much the majority of this thread is bullshit.

>open eyes
>in a room i don't recognize, get out of bed
>walk downstair, see people in backyard
>open the door and ask who they are
>"We're your parents"
>"oh"

I was 3, and it's still very vivid to this day. There was only darkness before then, and after that moment i began to remember things. Don't remember learning language or anything though.

Real story

idk how to greentext but let me try

>> be me 12 yo old
>> getting a mattress to slide down the stairs
>> go down, break my arm
>> hospital, get 2 iron pins down my arm
>> go home, tell my mom i remember her falling down stairs breaking her leg
>> she tells me can't be true I was 8 months pregnant
>> turns out it baby was me, still remembering the colors from the hallway and livingroom
>> tell mom, turns out to be tro

is it possible i got conscious at that moment? but what explains me remembering the colours and shape of the rooms?

>>19507772

true**

there are people walking around working jobs that still haven't developed consciousness, dude

NPCs exist

I remember being held by the doctor when I was a baby, and I used to see that memory when I would look at the moon as a child

>>19507799
what if we're the NPCs?
wait who's the protagonist then
shit

>>19507819
NPCs aren't USUALLY AS invested in the internet enough to be on 4chan.

and i'm not being a fag here and stroking my own bone, but there are many many many many people you'll meet in life that are permanently out to lunch

>>19507819
it's less like a SP game where someone is the protagonist, more like an MMORPG.

it's kind of a bleak outlook considering how fucking shit MMORPGs are

>>19498374
Nah, an average /pol/ user.

>>19492665
I depersonalised when I was 7. Fucking sucked, I couldn't explain it to anyone.

>>19489527
I have the exact same memory, around the same age but slightly earlier. I've never been able to get anyone else to believe me.

>>19489527
I became conscious in this fashion:
>in my living room
>3 maybe 4 years old at the time
>Rip a massive fart
>whole room seems to shake
>run to my mom, ask her my name
>your name is "anon"
>tell her rad story about how I farted out an earthquake

If you're really satisfied with an axiomatic ego, you don't need much of what is colloquially known as an ego.

>>19508856
What's life like for you now? Do you live normally or do you still have trouble believing in your surroundings?

>>19508862
I don't even bother telling people irl. The chances are so slim of anyone believing me, let alone experiencing the same thing. Even if they do believe me and say they've experienced it too, they're probably lying about the latter or experienced something else entirely. Might as well attempt to compare different perspectives of the same color.

>>19508905
I wouldn't use the word 'satisfied'.

>>19490536
You can't remember your birth tho. Your brain isn't developed enough. Maybe you think you do, but you dont.

probably 2 years old
>kindergarten
>see my mom at the gate
>get pokemon cards
>be happy

really colorful too

>>19489527
I don't remember when it changed but up until the age of 5 or so I didn't have a concept of who I was and whether or not I could trust my perception of the world. I remember this because I owned a shirt that apparently looked like some other kid's pyjama top and every time I wore it he told me "you're wearing pyjamas!" and I would not be able to figure out if he was right or not because I couldn't tell if my reality -- me wearing a shirt, not a pyjama top -- was actually real. It was a weird feeling and it always shook me to my core and made me really unsure of my own ability to see the world. I'm a normal guy now, no brain damage or anything, and trust my perception of life. Can't remember when it changed though.

>>19501344
Jesus man.