My Future Prediction

My mother and her best friend routinely visited a palm reader. They would do so about once a year, often as part of a birthday celebration. The palm reader’s name was Helen. She was in her 70s-80s, a sweet little old grandma type. She read palms in the kitchen of her home, and a partition divided the kitchen from her living room, which functioned as a waiting area for other patrons. My mother and her friend would recount stories of people who were utilizing Helen’s services for the first time. They would push back the partition, their mouths hanging open. They couldn’t believe that this woman had told them so much about themselves, information that Helen shouldn’t know, but did. One time, my mother told me about a woman whose past, present, and future had been read. Helen told her something that only she had known, something that humiliated her. “I didn’t do that!” she said indignantly. “Yes, you did,” Helen had said. My mother always asked about her children, and Helen told her that I would be “going into sales.” Weird.

The very idea of this woman had always scared me. A total stranger knowing my past, present, future, as well as my darkest secrets scared the shit out of me. However, six years ago, I finally mustered up the courage to let her read me. She read my palm, and started telling me things. The rule was that she just talk about what she saw. After she was done, I could ask her three questions. She talked about my school, indicated that there was some housing and roommate issues at university, my friends, and habits and things about me that only I would know about. She said some things that didn’t make any sense at the time, but even a few days ago, I thought about those things, and realized that they had come true. I won’t go into detail for the sake of time, but the woman has a genuine gift. That much I know.

When it came time for me to ask my questions, I inquired about the things that most people are concerned about: money and love. The answers that Helen gave were, in short, hideous. Some of you might shrug your shoulders, thinking that my future doesn’t sound bad. But to me, it is not a life I want to live. Helen told me that I would marry in my late 20s and have two, maybe three children. I would have a good job, she said, but would marry a government worker, and he would be the breadwinner. She also said that I would not be rich but that I would be happy. She was able to tell that I was not religious. She asked if I was an atheist. I replied that I was not. What really infuriated me, as I handed her a (undeserved) $20 bill, was her comment concerning that. “You need to start worshipping God and stop being concerned with this,” gesturing to the $20.

She continued to condescend after the reading, talking about how “pretty” I was to my mother. She could tell I was obviously displeased.

Here is where it comes full circle again. The job I have taken is an engineering job. I would be traveling, testing out chemicals at different plants, and then attempting to SELL this product to the plant. An engineering SALES job. What makes this even more frightening is that this is not the first offer I have gotten. Shortly after I graduated, I received an offer for a Process Engineer position. I turned the company down, because they basically were trying to get me to sign the offer letter right after the interview. I got a very bad feeling about them and decided not to take the offer. I also got another offer a couple of months later, but they weren’t offering near what I was worth.

Tl;dr, I believe that I can control my future. I believe anyone can. And yet, it feels like my life was led to what was predicted six years ago, seemingly without my knowledge. I made decisions not to take certain jobs, and I made a decision to take this one. Even though I consciously made these decisions, it feels as if I was not truly in control.

This might not be all bad, save for the fact that I have never wanted to be married or have children. Furthermore, my political and religious beliefs do not fall in line with worshipping Jeebus or marrying someone who works for da gubmint. I have always aspired to much bigger things than that, and the recent developments, while comforting from a career perspective, serve to basically prove that palm reader right. What else will she be right about?

Are there any people here with a gift? Anyone who has insight into fate and how it can be controlled? It’s been an obsession for the past six years of not falling into this trap, and yet, here I am. I’d like to apologize for what some might view as a first world problem, but I have big dreams, and the thought of them dying and the thought of my principles being broken down is repugnant. The thought of not being able to change it or that *I* might change for whatever reason is even scarier.