I think my dead friend is watching over me.

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Alright so, I been thinking about this for such a damn long time, and only came to a conclusion today. About 15 year ago my pet iguana died and for some reason I have never been able to let go of it.

To put it short, I killed him unentionally by feeding him food to big for him and my dad pulled it out but cuting the inside of his throat when trying to pull it out.

I should mention I was a kid that dealt with depression as it came from my sperm fathers side of the family I was not shy about wanting to kill myself given I tried to with a jump rope when I was very young and on ritalin at the time.

Since the event, I always wanted to try and kill myself, but only ever tried when I was 20 years old and even then I pussy out when I tried to overdose.

Ever sense then things have changed about my person, been positive, but I never knew why I kept going, It wasn't because my family hell no, I love them sure but they weren't the reason.

And while outside today, being around my dogs I kept questioning more and more why I put up with neet life, and my emotional bullshit.

And well, I started thinking more and more. I'm a lot happier and more patient around my dogs, I always love their kisses no matter what.

I even sleep better when am around them, and they sleep in the living room where there hardwood floors and I wake up way better than I do sleeping on a soft bed.

And the only answer I have, is my friend from years ago has been watching taking care of me, and being around my other pets strengthens my bound with him and my bound with my other dogs. Honestly I don't know but it's the only answer I have to not wanting to just off myself for so long.

And why I can't do it now.

Has anyone felt this way about a pet or person, because it feels that way for me.