>be me
>literally an hour ago
>still trying to process this
>there was this huge brown mass crouched in my backyard
>it disappeared about a half-hour ago
>looked like a bear with 5 legs
>no shit, 5 legs
I am poor as fuck so no camera
half of you are gonna say this is fake
>creature/Stepmom/jew had a long protrusion at top of head
>it left tracks
>fuck me, can't take photo
>it went out of sight into woods
>debating whether or not to follow it
>probably shouldn't
Don't know what to do. It looked like it could easily eat me in seconds.
Follow it, you'll never see something like it again
>>19427496
Looks like Loki is at it again.
>>19427496
No camera. No camera phone. Bullshit. Fuck off.
>>19427496
Ok, lets run through the checklist.
1. Can you defeat a standard model 4 legged bear in single combat.
2. Can you defeat a streamlined economy bear with less than four legs.
If the answer to question 1 and question 2 are no, I don't advise engaging in a potential five legged bear situation.
>>19427496
It wasn't a leg.
>>19427496
Are you anywhere near Chicago or in the Southwest? Gonna need a geographic location to ID that cryptid OP
>>19427686
Ok, allow me to append the checklist.
a1. Can you handle a seemingly normal bear with an abnormally large penis
I still believe you may just be in over your head. Although now, I believe you may be in over your head in bear semen.
>owns a computer
>doesn't own a device that can take a photo
>>19427496
How the fuck poor are you that you don't even have a fucking flip phone, which has a camera, and where the fuck are you posting this from? Are you telling me you're poor but you still own a computer and pay an Internet bill?
>>19427673
this man knows his appendage to combat effectiveness ratio.
>>19428210
Excess limbs equate excess lethality. Except for snakes. They are the eternal outlier to my formula
Can someone send OP a camera so he can go hunt daddy big D?
It was an aardvark you twat
>>19428407
Interesting theory. Elaborate.
>>19427496
fuck you I just wanted some ass