You die, and meet God

"Cool, what next?"

>>19393821
Thanks God, but when do we get to the real info?

>>19393821
"Wait till my mom hears."

"God, I'm you."
Brahman's like "Ayyy lmao, I'm you"

File: smiling cat.jpg (73KB, 418x467px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 418x467px

>>19393821
>How do you respond?
"Neat!"

>>19393821
>Th-thank you...

>>19393821
i laugh and say, "very funny, Father."

File: thumbsup.jpg (25KB, 398x500px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 398x500px

>>19393838

File: gochuumon_wa_usagi_desu_ka-01-kokoa-exchange_student-thinking-good_idea-perverted-comedy-smile-moe.jpg (73KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

73KB, 1280x720px

>>19393821
So, what kinds of games do you like to play?

File: tyu1.gif (469KB, 300x225px) Image search: [Google]

469KB, 300x225px

>>19393821
'I knew, ... oh well, I did try to point out Christianity was too stupid to be right, poor people. They tried to be good people of faith so hard. I hope they still had some fun. Is their any chance my loved ones can still end up here? Is there?'

And then, dunno. Do they have wifi in heaven?

>>19393878

At least they're not Scientologists

I KNOW ALREADY, what happens now?

>>19393821
"Y-you too!"

>>19393889

Comfy eternal communion with God and unrestricted access to the entire past and future of an infinity of universes

>>19393878
"Sure thing buddy. It's not like I'm sending them to some shitty hell because they were wrong."

>>19393904

This. No plausible supreme being demands faith. That's just what you tell people when you want them to join your religion and never leave it.

I can see there being some sort of reform period where thoroughly cruel, genuinely shit human beings are made to experience the suffering they inflicted on others until they sincerely understand why it was wrong though. Heaven wouldn't be much fun if the worst people in history were allowed to freely mingle, unreformed, with everybody else.

>>19393904
'Thank you. I always figured it would be this way. Also thank you for hidding yourself. That's the biggest gift you could have given to humanity. They would fuck up just trying to please you anyway. And now they don't know you, at least they can enjoy life as it comes. You know what, honestly, I like you. Can I be your friend now that I am here?'

>>19393821
It's the best way of living so far. Not mad

>>19393821
Ok,what now?

>>19393922
God only demands faith

>>19394002

That's a little weird and suspect, isn't it?

Supposing I tell you I'm God, and you must have faith that what I told you is true. None of your objections matter, the point is to have faith.

I promise you an everlasting paradise if you believe me, but I can't prove it to you, because it's after you die.

I also threaten you with an everlasting punishment if you don't believe me, but I can't prove that either since it's after you die.

Also there's an invisible trickster who is responsible for anything you see or hear that causes you to doubt me. So reject your own doubts, as they are just the invisible trickster trying to lead you astray.

Does this sound legit to you?

>>19393821
-'Stop the comedy Satan. I demand you in the name of Jesus Christ to release me and let me go to the real heaven! Hallelujah! '

"Ow boy, we have another one."

-'The blood of Christ compels you!'

"Take it easy son, you are already here in heaven. This is for real"

-'D-do you mean to say I lived a humble life for nothing?'

"Well, I don't want to make feel bad, but yes, being humble and not enjoying parties, sex and all was kinda useless. Still you are in heaven now. It's for you, enjoy it."

-'Well goddamnit. Holy fucking Jesus Christ Mother fucker. That cunt fucking biblical Bullshit. '

"Hold a minute please. I just got a important message. It seems like you may not enter after all. But please, keep trying. Maybe better luck next week. Have a nice life!"

>got teleported back to earth...

>>19394026

>Gives you a "I visited Heaven and all I got was this shitty t-shirt" shirt on your way out

>>19394026
>Maybe better luck next week.
>tfw the reason people live so long today is because they haven't done anything awesome enough to deserve the one true chill afterlife

>>19393821
C-Can I have an anime? ;-;

>>19393821
Oh noes whatevs shall I do???

Is this supposed to low some minds?

>>19394070

How low we talkin' here

Well I am a Gnostic, so I already know about the Aeon of Aeons.

But you need to learn about Gerradamas, the Son of the All.

And the difference between him and the Son of the Demiurge.

>>19394026
>>19394031
>>19394045

>so back on earth, the first thing I do is burn a church.
>thanks to my loud t-shirt I get busted 3 hours later.
>at the police station I admit the deed and tell then I just got out of heaven and I want to kill all holy men.
>figuring I must be crazy they send me straight to dead row.
>be dead by electric chair 2 months later.

-'He God, it's me again. I am back. I burned a church. Nice hè?'

"Ah, I see. I recognize the shirt. So you try to tell me that I gave you a second chance and you killed a boy and his mom and then came back?"

-'Killed who?'

"This young baby and his mother. You just don't get it do you? What am I to do with you? You are not getting in now. You know what? I make you an offer you can't refuse. You go back, again, and if you live a good Christian life, you may enter, to make up for the killing of those 2 innocent persons that died in the church you burned. You could had have such a great time the second time. Now you pay for it. Good luck. And grap another shirt on the way out if you like, this one stinks, or is that just you."

>and Zapp, back to earth again, with 2 eyes missing due to the electric chair.

>>19394013
Eh sounds legit to 2 billion people

>>19394116

There's also 1.5 billion Muslims, but that doesn't make Islam more likely to be true, just good at growing

>>19394102
>good Christian life
Without telling you exactly how that works, it's just the same hell Christians are already in.

>>19394128
I'm not disagreeing with you, just stating facts

>>19394132
Yep, well, not falling for the Christian or Muslim crap is not the same as burning churches and start killing. Every human should at least respect life. If you don't, you need to pay, badly.

>>19393821
Boy, I take a walk for a couple hundred thousand years and now you start calling yourself god. You were supposed to clean your room, and how long has it been since you took out the the trash in here.

>>19393821
Ok, cool.

>>19394153
If everyone goes to the same afterlife anyway then why does killing matter? There's only one place to go, so what differences does sooner or later make to an entity that can send you back if it doesn't think you're ready?

File: greatpyramidcoord2.png (358KB, 539x717px) Image search: [Google]

358KB, 539x717px

>>19393821
>>19393836

>It informs you that it is not Yahweh, God of the Bible, and it never had a son. That in fact, the entire Abrahamic lineage of religions was false from the start, and Jesus was just a cult leader like Muhammad and Joseph Smith, albeit better behaved.

You don't have to wait until you're dead to know that, except Jesus really was the Son of God - but most of the miracles are white lies because the Jewish book is full of murderous lies. People read the gospels incorrectly, they're supposed to be a way out of Judaism, not into it.

"There's nobody too important not to kill for Moses."

See? They're fake religions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSElBa6oqP0

>>19394013
Faith he exists. Nothing else.

We have free will

>>19394203
I am an atheïst, straight up. But, that does not mean I don't have empathy, morality and ethics. Kill only what threatens you or must eat.
You should not be scared about an afterlife, but that does not mean you can get away with everything. Life itself will punish you. It's not a karma thing, it's just civilization.
If you kill, they kill you. Fine by me. If you rape, they rape you, I am okay with that.
If you steal, they will smack your ass and make you pay. All good to me.
Just don't border me if I use drugs, that's all.

>>19393944
"Yeah, sure, go grab a beer and relax for a while."

>>19393821
Well....how bout that.

>>19393821
I had that feeling, now what?

>>19393821
>so you are god, well, you'll have to beg for my forgiveness then

>>19393821
This is obviously a test from the true one God, as no deity that is above falsehoods would need to explain the truth.

>>19393890
Literally this.

File: Karma.jpg (13KB, 400x449px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 400x449px

>>19393922
>I can see there being some sort of reform period where thoroughly cruel, genuinely shit human beings are made to experience the suffering they inflicted on others until they sincerely understand why it was wrong though.

This life is that reform period. Karma and reincarnation.

Those spirits unable to reach gnosis in this life will have to redo it.

>>19393821
"Okay. So what happens now? Can I forget that my previous life ever happened and get a new one?"

Most meetings with God are gonna proceed like this:
-Oh, another one of these. Open the gate of hell.
-Eyaaaaagh!

In common modern parlance would Joseph be considered the original cuck?

File: halo-4-dr-halsey.jpg (126KB, 1920x816px) Image search: [Google]

126KB, 1920x816px

>>19393821
"So you didn't make contact with any human cultures at all? Or at least not in our current recorded history. Why didn't you make contact with humanity?"

>>19393821
>that it is not Yahweh, God of the Bible, and it never had a son. That in fact, the entire Abrahamic lineage of religions was false from the start, and Jesus was just a cult leader like Muhammad and Joseph Smith, albeit better behaved.
tell me something i don't know

>>19393922
>I can see there being some sort of reform period where thoroughly cruel, genuinely shit human beings are made to experience the suffering they inflicted on others
That's what near-death experiencers say happens during a person's "life review". It happens to everyone, though. Everyone experiences everything they did to other people, good and bad, as if they *were* those other people.

>>19394301
Right, because as we all know, no one ever gets away with anything. There isn't a single unsolved crime on Earth.

>>19393821
That God in that case is a piece of shit that allowed deception to grow to profound levels and that he should oppose lies rather than to sit on his ass all day.

>>19395805
People oppose lies just fine. If you need God to personally show you how logic works, then you're fucked up more than any man (or probably even any God) can fix.

>>19393821
since 2016 /x/ has been wearing a gimp suit tied up in /pol/s platonic cave :(
wtf i hate this timeline now

>>19395110
You are being childish. Of course some do. The world is not perfect. So, if you want to do something, think it true, make sure you are very smart and do your best. But never forget, government is not a person, it's a undying monster that keeps coming back.

Turn 360 degrees and walk away of course

I would call out for jesus christ because I am clearly talking to an impostor spirit that wishes to deceive me and bring harm.

>>19393821
All is one!

>>19396073
But knot the same

>>19393821
Well it depends on if he has anything to feed me.

>>19396039
>You are being childish.
A person isn't "childish" just because they refute your argument.

>The world is not perfect.
Then you don't get to speak as if it is, by definitively saying saying things like "Life will punish you."

>But never forget, government is not a person, it's a undying monster that keeps coming back.
What the hell does government have to do with anything?

>>19393821
i know that already you silly higher self you :3

>>19394289
what the fuck is this shit?

>>19396623
The tone was childish. And, like everyone, I can say what I like.

Government is the one that punish you hard. If you kill, you go to jail, where you end up dead or so massed up you wish you where dead. If you rape, you go to jail and get raped there. If you steal, you go to jail and they steal all your happiness away for life. Get the picture? Civilization will get you, or you are way to smart. But then you become a gangster and also get killed by other gangsters. Hard to deny.
By the way, for masonic countries like the USA the law is God and government is the one who practices the will of God. You can call you government Satan if you understand anything of your bible.

>>19393821
lol and say I know and do you tell all the Christfags that?

"Dude, I have an opium."

>>19393821
There's nothing paranormal about religion, keep this garbage out of x

>>19393821
The Universe as I knew it was a Series of complex abstractions. Belief fueled inner understanding for my own simplistic sake. You are God, I am me, we are of one. The holy Trinity of World, I, God maintains itself even here. Sup Jesus. Hope I didn't mess up too bad.

The real God is the Dragon jesus wants to fight, jesus is a deceiver, YHWH wanted humans to follow him blindly instead of eating from the tree of knowledge because he wanted them to have false morals as opposed to real knowledge of right and wrong, that's why he's so pissed at the serpent.

'no, i am God u bastard'

>>19397030
religion and the paranormal are intertwined

>>19394102
>here I am.
>blind and doomed to have a bored christian life because I burned down a church.
>but okay, a second second chance might get me into heaven afterall.
>the first thing I will do is to trow away all my hentai porn magazines.
>they are of no use blind anyway.
>unware of the Gothics standing across the street, I am walking towards the garbage container to ditch a box full of lolicon.
>suddenly I hear a voice.

'"Yo man, what the fuck do you have there?'"

-'Something that should not be of you interest. How are you?'

'"Can't you see?'"
-'"Holy shit, look yo, this dude has no eyes. He's blind as fuck"'
"'What the fuck man, is that lolicon porn? You sick fuck. That ain't right man.'"
="Yeah, let's beat the hell out of him"
÷"Funny shirt, look at that"

-'What are ya'll doing? Help! Stop it please!!'

>all sound fade away

"The guy with the shirt is here. Again."
"So, you are back early. Why the rush?"

-'They killed me. I was just trying to get my normal life together and those damn kids... they...they....the monsters! '

"Excuse you? They might have been a bit too rough, but face it, they acted like I hope they would. In fact, I will make a free music festival happen for them this week. And you, .... well the world would be beter off without you, and a christian is boring anyway. You can stay here.
But watch your step, .... no man, that was a joke.
What happened to humor in Christianity?
I might let religion die all together with 20 years or so. Let see where that goes. Maybe earth can be great again."

>spend eternity in heaven, feeling miserable for wasting life on earth for nothing.

>>19397607


>implying "heaven" even exists and if it does it isn't an overrated overtly wholesome place
>implying eternity in "heaven" isn't also a waste of time

First of all why would any Divinity be named 'Jesus' when they could pick something cooler? Secondly, why would any Divinity choose certain people to make their presence known when they can show up to everyone if they want to make their presence known. The story only works if the people were chosen to keep secrets and not herald in a new age. Thirdly, if Satan/Lucifer is real, why wasn't the story the first told? Why did it have to wait so long to be told as 'truth'? Only works if they were chosen to herald in a new age, not give the truth. Why would there be so many different names and roles for Divinities if they were essentially the same representation. Only works and representations/depictions being bullshit.

>>19393821
I wasn't expecting YHVH anyway.

>>19394717
That's literally what happens everytime anon

>>19393821
Well I have been thinking that something along those lines have to be the case for a long time now. Cool. Is it alright if I ask you to tell me about yourself?

>>19393821
Jesus was a budhist that tried to teach jews the real spirituality.

I thought /x/ knows this.

>>19393922
The abrahamic religons and their books are products of their time. They don't make much sense in a modern context.

>>19394013
Choosing him out of free will is one way to test his children. Why else and why not? There are only so many tests that are possible with organic matter bro. If you read the Bible before Man betrayed God there was no free wil. Us by abandoning God and not having faith chose free will. But in turn we're open to Fag ass Satan

>>19398900
Also, faith is the Ultimate Test.

That's why faith and good works harmonize well with the spirit. This is conclusively evident with what Soirituality does for the mind and mentality vs. a Drug addict or someone who is angry or a non-believer. Meeting all people in life will prove this, there is no need for me go on about this.


Also, try praying. This is proof in Yahweh. As well as Thisbe is the ultimate weapon. Pray to your father and you'll see. There is no doubt in me that you will see.
Good luck patron.

>>19398900
Also, faith is the greatest ally you have besides prayer. Prayer and faith in your father to protect you. This is evident in all Good natures Christians. Don't let some not so Christian soul it up. Find your own faith and walk with God.

>>19398933
Sorry for the double post. Thought I failed the recaptcha and it discarded my post.

>>19393821
>better behaved
read a book anon

>>19393821
" so what happened with the platapuyse "

>>19394796
I'm sure the Old Testament has at least some earlier cucks in it