Schizophrenia/Mental Illness Thread

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>be 24, atheist, meditate to alleviate depression
>one evening while meditating get breakthrough, think I hit enlightenment
>I can think better, clearer, than anyone else ever before me
>I can understand philosophic texts, their true meaning, I get hold of Nietzsches thus spoke Zarathustra
>it has code in there for me only I can decipher on how to awaken as fully new formed Ubermensch and awokened being
>I start to hear thought voices telling me I'm the chosen one to get others to awaken too
>to start heaven on earth with everyone awoken to a higher state of reality
>to get whole reality to a higher state of reality
>everything starts to crumble, reality itself breaks down
>everything has hidden messages for me in there, news people on tv discuss how my day was
>songs on the radio discuss my personal thoughts and feelings, graffities on the walls point me in the right direction to walk
>advertising on the streets become my guides on this mystical quest, stones clouds trees, everything is full of hidden personal meaning and message
>start to loose more and more control, I think I have actual super powers, like I opened the developer console of reality, trying to unlock cheat codes and ultimately god mode
>other people are like bots to me now, nothing but unreal shadows of real persons in my own reality client, I can read their thoughts
>little things I do symbolically will translate to big happenings in the world out there, I can manipulate world events in this manner
>I've pretty much become God
>I have to get my mission done and have to start Armageddon, I do this by symbolically starting fire in my flat to set fire to the world
>from the ashes heaven will arise
>my flat mates aren't amused and get me to the mental hospital, I get put on heavy meds, after two weeks in there I'm sane again, and realize that it's schizophrenia and psychosis I just went through

and that's how you identify schizo in you. my first psychosis. second was more abstract, more intense.

>>19389516
Thank you

>>19389455
One day I woke up and started hearing people talking about me. It gradually got worse over the course of a week. I started to see people outside my room at night hiding in the trees. I knew they were plotting against me. They started turning off street lights and sending people to walk past me in an attempt to harm me. Whenever someone would look at me I knew they were part of the conspiracy. I wound up hiding in my apartment for a week, not sleeping and keeping a knife on me so I could defend myself. My gf eventually convinced me to go to a hospital.

Shit was wack.

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>>19389516
>That one long ass rambling post about his overly detailed experience being vague as shit

yo this isnt a dream thread

Anyway I experienced derealization earlier this year. I'll pass the details but this was likely the result of emotional turmoil mixed with drug fuckupery. And also something to obsess about, in occurence, void. I was reading house of leaves again.

It's sort of like becoming a stranger to everything. Or everything becomes a stranger to you. You do not recognizes a damn thing. The hands you have, you don't recognizes them as your own. The thinking patterns you use, they seem off and equally distant from yourself. Reality becomes hazy and confusing. It's like everything you ever took for granted, even to the most basic and primordial point, vanishes and turns alien before your eyes. All that was certain becomes unsure, treacherous. And the worst is that you -know- that it isn't right. Like you're here but you aint. And there's nothing you can do about it.

Pure meditation (non-thinking) is the key to get out of it. And clean living.


On a general note I'd advise ALL of you fucks not to learn too much about these illnesses. A stressed, overstimulated mind is everything but capable to tell if you're sick or not. Especially if it's yours, working on itself.

Plus, the self-observation one constantly practises when thinking about this subject can be misleading, trigger or deepen symptoms, and generally confuses more than anything.

I'm a legit schizo. I used to hear voices. The voices hate me so much now, that they don't even want to talk to me anymore. I miss them.

All right my dudes. This is a question regarding schizophrenia/schizotypal and meditation.

Schizophrenia for Pavlov constituted a person childlike, dull, apathetic, unconventional tendencies and beliefs, repetitive behaviors said to be in unity chronic hypnosis-- some defensive mechanism for an impacting negative development socially. Something like that. I also found that it is more specifically a type of schizotypal disorder.

Tell me, do any of you champs feel similar? Are you schizophrenic? Normal or no?

I was easily able to identify myself with his definition. i've been meditating two times a day for 3 weeks, and feeling very empty even though thoughts are absent, no longer runing . Should I continue?

I'm not really schizophrenic if other people hear the same voices I hear. Other people do hear the same voices. They are a group of demon sisters and they all have a special connection. I had a special connection too until she decided she doesn't love me anymore. My life is over. I'll never have love.

I have psychotic breakdowns when very stressed.

Imagine someone told you something and it made sense. For example, dogs came from the same ancestor as the wolf. You would take this info to heart. Of course dogs came from the same ancestor. It absolutely logical. Then you start placing this thinking on other things. Birds come from other birds. Plants came from other plants. We came from primates.

You feel so enlightened and as though you have finally found out what everyone had been missing.

Then there's holes in your thinking. Then there's absolute flaws. Then it doesn't make sense at all. Then you're sitting there realizing that you've had a breakdown again.

It's like walking on a broken leg and you can't feel the pain.

>>19389516
All of this green text up until "I've pretty much become God" describes the awakening/enlightenment process. Only those who do not have the willpower to recognize what is happening to them will descend into madness enough for others to know.

Think of it this way, and it makes perfect sense why there are SO many threads, insults, and arguments created on /x/ to steer people into thinking they are crazy. You are only crazy if your actions contradict your thoughts.

>>19390218
How many sisters are there?

>>19390218
Who else hears the same voices?

>>19390500
There's 6 of them. They are demons. They've lived 3 million good lives and have had sex hundreds of millions of times, while we sit here and suffer.

Seek help, take your meds.

>>19390731
...and jesus is one of them?

>>19390746
We are all on our meds, sometimes they don't work.

>>19390766
Mann i hear a high cbd cannibis strain is good for mental health. Might clash with the meds though. I knew a schizo girl, super cute she's got rich parents and good friends that take care of her. She even graduated university. I think she takes her meds.

>>19390451
>You are only crazy if your actions contradict your thoughts.
This is so deep thank you 13 year old anon

>>19390792
I will look into it.

>>19390731
Jesus is the leader?

>>19389516

>>19389533
This

I don't think this is schizophrenia but I have weird reality glitches that I cannot explain

>At grocery store during Christmas to buy cinnamon sticks to make hot mulled wine
>Grocery clerk scans purchase and the cinnamon sticks fly out of bottle
>She puts them back in, I am slightly disgusted she is using her unwashed hands but I don't want to be rude and there is a long line behind me so I brush it off
>Go home, later make hot mulled wine. >Cinnamon stick package is vacuumed sealed, obviously impossible that any fell out of the bottle during check out

I feel absolutely crazy, I've never told any one these things because obviously it's all in my head.

>>19390438
Try to get your point across again so i can figure this out, I kinda see what you're saying I guess.

>>19390978
Who fuckin knows. i know the feel.

>>19391050

I think they mean their cognitive processing is faulty, so their perception affects reality slightly more for them.

I've only ever caught glimpses of things while sober and usually tell myself they're just hallucinations; I dwell on them for a few minutes because they're weird and move on. I think most people go through that but I'm unsure.

I've only seen actual visual hallucinations after ingesting psilocybin; The two most noteworthy was a television show showing dolphins giving birth to young, only to be eaten by them almost immediately forming a pseudo snake-eating-its-own-tail, and a bird with dragonfly wings.

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I once hated life, and tried to obliterate the active part of my mind until only my consciousness remained. I was just young and stupid back then.

>>19389516
What's troubling to me is i've had the same thing happen to me. With the same thoughts. And so have other people. Why would several people have the same delusion?

>>19391050
Basically, you know when you're dreaming and the logic is the dream is different from reality but in that moment it makes complete sense and then when you wake up, you realize that was a really weird dream?

Basically that.

>>19390077
derealization isn't schizophrenia. It's often confused for it but it's very different. Derealization is a symptom of anxiety. You experienced something that switched on this repsonse and have been stuck in it. The way to stop it is to stop the anxiety (I highly reccomend a book called "at last a life" by paul david). I have derealization and thought I was schizophrenic. The more I learned about Schizophrenia the more I learned I didn't have it. Your self awareness is proof that you aren't schiz.

Damn it anon I gave you two to help you fill those gems

>>19391642
Never claimed I did ! Though thanks for the return. And godspeed, I'll be reading that book.

if you are losing your marbles you should take some time out from work or school and focus on at least temporarily following a healthy lifestyle, which means get good sleep, eat nutritiously, get lots of exercise, sunlight, read books, go for walks in nature, hang out with your family and old friends, do some fun things that make you laugh and smile.

if you don't get enough of the right nutrients the brain cannot recover from damage and replenish its supplies. you need to get your perspective on things right. you can't expect to recover and restore mental health without also eating healthily. you will make no progress after indulging to extreme excess in junk food, unless it's disgust at your bad choices.

nutrition, sleep, exercise, thinking... these are your essentials for maintaining brain health. eat a nutritious meal, relax and get a good night of sleep, wake up motivated to help yourself and exercise while thinking in general about your life condition, how you got there, how you can change it to make the future better.

if you go to a psychiatrist and get diagnosed with something, you will lose the impetus to correct yourself and just become a drugged up zombie of a person and never grow or change for the better.

>>19391182
Because human brain chemistry is surprisingly similar between people and thus the disorders that affect it are often similar (especially in an environment where cultural ideas such as God are shared between people)?

Mental illness isn't paranormal, there are legitimate paranormal things that can be mistaken by mental illness, so by all means take this fitlh away from /x/

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>>19392295
I disconcur. Mental illness such as schizophrenia has strong connections to religion, the paranormal, the occult, spirituality, mysticism and so on, and is a worthy topic of discussion. If you'd ever been through psychosis you'd understood.

In other cultures, or in other times, schizophrenics were trained or are still trained to be shamans, and/or leaders of the tribe, to communicate with the spirits of the hidden realms on behalf of their society, and if this isn't paranormal as fuck I don't know what is. Here's a good yt video on the topic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFtsHf1lVI4

I'm not saying mental illness isn't worthy of being treated, and I don't want to romanticize it too much, but it's not just a chemical imbalance in your brain and nothing more. It's being wired differently in your brain.
This might be a very crappy metaphor; if you think of your brain as an operating system, then it's like the ability to open up the developer console and being able to peek behind the user interface and interact with reality's server on a more intimate level. The insights gained by this kind of interaction can be very valuable, even if this secular materialistic society does think otherwise, and everyone shrugs it off as insanity and madness not worth looking into. In less atheistic times or in a less atheistic society this wouldn't be the case thou, and I'm sure in some when in the future when science gets better at understanding conscioussness the perception of an illness like psychosis will drastically change.

>>19390089
Yea sure would be nice if they came back.
>Its lonely up in here now
Atleast they inspired me to not be a worthless piece of shit. Like they always said i was.

I've never talked about my psychosis before. Here's my rather full story. Maybe some anons will have similar experience. In any case I'd like to clearly recount it to refresh the memories I try to never think about.
My parents divorced early. I moved to a different state at the age of eight with my mother and she got remarried immediately, to a younger man. As I got into my tweens, around middle school, my formerly kind and caring stepfather became colder. He started taking out frustration and anger on me. First by simply yelling at me and calling me names like "jerk" or "idiot". I was shy and scared and shocked. I took it and went up to my room and cried. Bullied at school as well. Both school and home became less and less of a happy comfortable space for me until I hated both. Instead of standing up for myself, or finding a place to regroup, I mostly tried to escape with vidya or reading fiction books. If I wasn't trying to escape I was crying, or thinking about how fucked I was going to be. You see, I had read a bit of pop psychology and heard things about child abuse. I knew it was happening to me, I knew that often abused children turn into abusive adults. The fact that my stepfather was ruining my life infuriated me to no end. And made me cry more. I never told my mother, or my siblings about it, but it ate me up inside. I felt death called to me. That it was the only option. When I was getting driven to soccer practice or piano lessons, I would look at the incoming traffic and wish we would get hit, and I would die a quick death. Never did I think of telling anyone any of this.

>>19392472
I remember the day I decided I could never have a family of my own. I would never force another human into existence for this. Then there came the day where my bottled up emotions seemed to have a serious effect on my psyche. I remember getting so sick and tired of the thoughts cycling through my head. Endless sorrow, self pity, and anger seemed to become unbearable and I clenched all my muscles and sort of ... screamed inside my head. It was like my emotions had become pressurized and my head filled with it. All of a sudden it was like something broke. Like my mind had popped and shifted permanently. The pressure had relieved, though. I felt better. Of course this didn't change anything in my life and my depression deepened. I started faking sick to get out of school. I loved having all day to watch tv or play video games while my parents weren't there. School was hell, anyways. I decided to kill myself a couple months later

>>19392482
My plan was simple. Get black out drunk with alcohol stolen from my parents, draw a bath, and die painlessly. I woke up a couple hours early one morning and took a bottle of wine to the bathroom. Drew the bath , took one or two sips of wine, and knew it wasn't happening. Later I found sleeping pills prescribed to one of my siblings. The end was nigh, and firmly in my grasp. I did the same thing, got up early and drew my bath. There must have been 10 or 15 pills in the bottle. I don't remember the exact amount. I took about half and got scared. Chickened out and put the rest of the pills in the trash. Got some cheerios and went downstairs, expecting some mild sleepiness. Suddenly the pills hit me and in about 2 or 3 seconds I slump down, fully expecting to die.

>>19392483
my last thoughts are of course: "Why did I do this, I want to live" and I black out. I wake up with my stepdad slapping me, smashing my head on the floor, and yelling at me to wake up. I black out again and wake up on the couch. Stay there the whole day, with a killer headache. I don't think my stepdad told my mom any of this because she believes that I'm sick and goes to work like normal

>>19392490
My first psychotic break stalked me for a full year before pouncing on me. It was the year that I started by trying weed and ended by smoking herb every day, all day. Senior year. My mind seemed to crumble a bit more every day and the degeneration accelerated once I graduated high school. The signs of this were paranoia and many theories and observances that I now see as insane. Of course, at the time I didn't notice any of these changes in my personality, thoughts, and daily routine. They were there though.

>>19389455

>> Have severe PTSD.
>> Go into sudden periods of psychosis.
>> When in psychosis, suffer crippling bouts of paranoia.
>> Believe I see everyone, every single person in line of sight, looking at me, wanting me dead, like the people in a dreamer's dream in Inception, when someone tries to talk to the dreamer's conscious mind.
>> Shitty boss makes me get up, and address all coworkers at employee of the year luncheon... In room, with everyone seeming to be staring at me, wanting me dead.. My acceptance speech went to shit as I near went into a psychosis with the stress of it all.
>> Quit job, after being named employee of the year, and sit at home for few months trying to get shit together again.

>>19392495
I started losing things often. Whenever I couldnt find something I thought that my stepdad had taken it and hid it somewhere. Built him up in my mind as some kind of villain. I knew he hated me. I knew he was a bad person.

At this point it gets hazy. I cant remember most of the summer after highschool. I do remember the end of it though. At this point my paranoia is at a singing high note. I believe my stepdad is a pedophile and has been molesting my little sister for years. I have trouble sleeping and often feel a presence in my room watching me. My suspicions grow about my stepfather and I stay up a couple nights in the middle of the house, listening. Soon I hear sounds coming from my sisters room (who is very young and sleeps with her dad (my stepfather) ). I confront him and think his anger is a tell that I'm right.

One night I think I hear voices outside my window. Eventually I do hear A voice. Simply an audible whisper from right outside my window saying "Okay". It absolutely horrified me and I stayed up all night.

Later, months later, the delusions are more heightened. I'm experimenting with watching gay porn now and I am more ashamed of it than anything I've ever done. I hear laughing from downstairs and think that my family is somehow spying on me. For most of my life I've been very apathetic and dull compared to other kids but at this moment the shame and crazy spur me into absolute rage. I go downstairs and start taking out knives. start to seriously think about ways to kill my family while looking at the knives. Ironically my stepdad notices somethings wrong and calms me down. Months later I move to the west coast with my dad and leave my old life behind. My psychosis seems to feed off all the anxiety i have about moving to a new place, a big city.

>Bought 30g of "meth" of a DNM
>Didn't realize what I had was made with the OG Nazi formula even though it was extra pink
>Also got a 5g sample of flokka which I had no clue about
>Awake to see 10 sunsets and 10 sunrises
>day 5 my schizophrenia kicks in
>I've heard the voice but had never seen where they were coming from until opening a glass door with a reflection of the moon making my reflection noticable.
>See my "inner demons" trying to fight for control of my being instead of my face its multiple faces... weird faces.
>I throw up instantly and get a feeling im the worst demon of us all
>except my inner demons and force them to except me
>make a pact with myself and a alter out of stolen bikes and clothes at a park to proclaim myself champion of myself.
>sun begins to rise and Im chanting doing a mix of TI BO and tai chi but methed out.
>Get appproached by a old man and his dog and realize his dog wants to be my champion
>Before I can fight the dog notice the sun is out and I must hide quickly.

I start feeling emotions and thoughts through the video games I play, tv, anything. I believe that I have some kind of spiritual power. Eventually I become CERTAIN that other people with telepathy are stalking me. Gangstalkers. I see transexual government spies at first. My ideas about what is stalking me or controlling the world evolve daily. First I see an agent of Death trailing me in the street. Eventually I believe an all powerful elite is sending these goons after me. They can and will do anything and everything to make me forget my findings about life and spirit. They will plumb my deepest fears right from my mind and make them come true. Soon I am scared wherever I go. My dad takes me to a park and I believe the other people there will kill me unless I tell them all my shameful secrets.

So I start telling my dad everything I've ever done that I know is wrong

>>19392552
Now my memory gets really hazy, but eventually my parents realized im going insane and put me in a mental hospital. I got on drugs. Eventually the delusions faded, and my negative symptoms have gotten better after experimenting with different meds.

I feel much better equipped to deal with life now. The only weird thing is Ive been getting this feeling that I'm turning into more of an iceberg. By this I mean I feel I have this massive massive part of me that I can't detect that is hidden beneath the surface, and peaks out sometimes just to remind me how little control i have

>>19392295
Is there a reason why occult practitioners have tendency to go nuts? I know by personal experience that occult is easy way to go fucking bonkers! If one can't control that state of mind and occurrence's what he/she/whatever has produced it's mental health problem. Soon after I started to practice occult stuff I had major imbalance to deal. If I hadn't understand what was correlation between reality and my perspective I would've had gone absolutely mad. Hearing voices, critters crawling in my bedroom, feeling odd emotions without actual reason, reality glitches, premonitions, hearing other people emotions and so on. It's easy to go mad with poor balance when this kind of shit happens everyday.
>yo man! U know what is the difference between sciso and shaman?
>do tell?
>a shaman knows what's going on. Sciso doesn't have a clue

>>19392366
Valid point. Dubs of wisdom.

>>19392287
As much as i want to believe both my idea and your explanation, im still a skeptic. Sure human brains are similar, but not the same for every person. Not everyone would experience the same pattern of thoughts. Too many variables in each persons Psyche. I'm stating that despite every mind being different the overall message is the same. With a few exceptions of course. Orrrr I could totally have an agenda. Id accept that too

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>>19391180
I tried this too...
It never ends well eh?

>Do 5 hits of acid
>Next day opponents in Battlefield 2 are spinning around in circles
>Create weird theory about there being 3 tiers of human life
>I'm lowest tier

Now im thinking that this thread explained what happen to me a long a time ago. I was around 10-11 years old, but til now i still cant understand whats wrong with me. Does schizophrenia occur at that age?

At that time, i become very weird, i dont talk much. All i did was sit quietly throughout the whole day overthinking things, I will think about everything i see very deeply and everything will be related. For example, if i look at the TV, i will think everything about it, about the show, why people made TV, why did people watch Tv, why did i waste my time with it? Everything! Then i look at the window, i will think about freedom, etc then i see the birds, i will then think about the birds. But in the end no matter what i look at everything will be related to me and brought into a conclusion that the world is a very sad place and i have to fix it. That's me at 10 years. It lasts in about a week then it goes away. I never told anyone about this before. Im in my 20s now but still could think like i did 10 years ago.

>>19390089
yea...we got it tho..you're that very, VERY special snowflake...geez Rick...can't you invent a machine that makes her shut up?

>>19389516
I'd love to hear your analysis of Akira.

>>19393680
It's been ages since I last watched Akira, before my first psychosis actually. But I was looking for something to do with this lonely friday night, so I will watch this great anime again tonight and probably post my thoughts on it for you here, if I have anything worthwhile to say about it.

>>19389455
My friend had an episode a few months ago. A man tried to convince her to give up control of her body. I helped her "banish" it but ever since then she's been seeing visual hallucinations. She was treated for schizophrenia as a child, so we believe it might be resurfacing.

>>19393680
I've just watched Akira, great movie. Considering my psychosis, a few thoughts came to mind:
>ultimate power corrupts absolutely and is impossible to handle
>considering psychosis analog to this can be said for ultimate truth, which is impossible to grasp and handle too

Psychosis to me, in one aspect, could be interpreted like a theoretical test run, so that a catastrophe like in Akira doesn't have to occur. Implying a force like Akira that resides in all of us humans exists and waits to be unleashed, maybe a psychosis like I've experienced could be seen as some sort of theoretical exam to see if the individual is ready for it. Which we as humans in our stage of evolution aren't, or at least I clearly wasn't. Maybe this kind of power and knowledge is also just not meant for this world, I don't know. But maybe some day we will be able to really transcend as humans, as said at the end of Akira, "But some day we ought to be able to.. Because, it has already begun.."

>>19390758
>>19390903
Perhaps...

>>19394434
Who else hears them?

>>19394449
The sun.

>>19389455

Schizophrenia and grandiose psychotic delusions are what happens when you awaken without balanced lower chakras. Your access to higher consciousness is highly distorted by the lack of orange chakra flow, sometimes yellow. Very common on this planet, as orange chakra is the single most blocked chakra by far (of those that have ever been activated by an entity)

>>19394472
I want to believe you, that soulmates are real!

>>19393541
That is Asbergers/ high functioning autism and it is exhagerstaed by a shit education and social system that tired to make you take the blue pill. You assume you are not being told everything people know or the full picture.

your problem probably lies in not knowing what you want. so the internet is great for this so you can just did and dig and go off on tangents through the level of knowledge until you find an island of culture/ knowledge you want to stay on for a bit that you can also encoorporate into your life

read philosophy/ history

but dont try to convince yourself you are a schizo for attention

>>19390451
No, you're crazy when your thoughts do not line up with reality and you can't realize it. Trust me, I've spent a lot of time learning about mental illness since I was finally diagnosed with bipolar type II instead of chronic depression. Mental illness is much more complex than you think.

>>19391180
how did you do that?

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>>19392578

similar to what I said here >>19394622

the thing is many people on x and 4chan spen dtoo much time reading sensational shit and are too paranoid to read normal shit

its like only eating dessert and soft drinks and never eating meat/ potatos/ greens/ drinking water/ juices (which BTW diet and sunlight are everything for your mind), which gives you mental diabetes

people are also probably spending too much time on one level analysis when looking at information/ situations

>>19390089
>>19390218
>I'm a legit schizo
>I'm not really schizophrenic

Your doctor really needs to up your dosage or at least refrain you from shitposting so much.

>>19394599
I don't know if they're real anymore. Maybe it was all make-believe.

>>19394661
I'd like to believe. Feel free to make more threads about it!

>>19392537
i genuinely, honest to goodness wish you well.

you remind me of someone i loved, once. he wasn't schizophrenic, but he was extremely depressed, angry, he had demons inside his head. he was a pathological liar and was manipulative, but he was broken inside. also a bit neurotic.

it was only a fling, but i loved him, and he left me shattered, i still am.

if only all the love and well-wishes i have could heal everyone's emotional pain.

I'm schizoaffective and had my psychosis when pizza gate was getting real popular. I was into that third eye/ pineal gland stuff and thought I was unlocking a new dimension. Then I thought everything was a lie and magic existed and I was a god of thunder and parents knew but kept it secret because they were reptilian. Even tho I was bat Shit insane I kept smoking weed thnking it was helping my third eye, till one night I went so crazy I went to my parents friend's house thinking he was an interdimensional Jew with children locked in his basement, smashed his house up screaming for him to disconnect himself from the matrix till the police came. Then I had a seizure and went into cardiac arrest, died for a bit but got revived. Woke up in hospital started ripping off all my tubes and stuff thinking I was gonna be killed by illuminati so they put me in an induced coma fed me shit tons of drugs till I came right. Now I'm on meds that make me a Zombie and my dicks numb and I wanna die. My life is over before It began.

>>19389516
what the fuck?

>>19398098
You should read about my second psychosis, if I could even begin to put it into words that is. But delusions like these aren't that uncommon in schizos, I read about similar stories from others too, I'm not the only one who experienced something like it.

>>19396669
>Schizoaffective having a full-blown paranoia fueled psychosis
This shit is rare af, I never had one of those and I'm schaffective like you anon. I had depression fueled ones instead.... which is the most normal thing in Schizoaffectives.
Ask your psychiatrist to change meds if you feel like that, as mine do work... mostly.

Idk
. I remember seeing a dog in the corner of my eye. You know in darkness with little light it's like a tv with bad reception kinda
. Saw an old man sitting in a chair. He was all fuzzy and shut. His quirky dead smile. Heard my mother yelling just before I pass out in sleep.at a sleepover saw a shadow on the blinds of a guy peering in. My friend didn't see anything. The shadow was static, exactly humanoid yet unmoving.I'm really scared for my memory. It started when I stopped caring. It feels bad not to remember anything but a whisper of a dream. Hateful. Despair. Sorry

>>19389455
I dont know if this counts but when I was about 9 yo I had enormous depressions from thinking about the meaning of life, because somehow I knew that in the end it is totally meaningless no matter what you do.

Pretty hard thoughts for a kid that age and I guess it shaped my whole life from that point.

>>19398443
I remember that as a kid I saw pretty fucked up stuff during the night too, similar to you.. to the point where I had to sleep turned to the wall so I dont have to watch.

Also for many years during adolescence When falling asleep I still practiced this facing the wall thing and every night I was falling a sleep with a feeling that something is watching me and if id turn to check out the room and see it, it would rekt me instantly.

>>19398234
Interested in that second one.

>>19398797
shit I had that too as a kid, lots of existential loneliness and feeling stuck on this planet too.

Now I just get severe anxiety and depression bouts where I basically can't function for however long it lasts. Suicide is a cop-out for myself Imo. o fucken well

>>19390218
nice defense mechanism you have there, do you really think that you are not schizophrenic because we normal people cant hear voices? hahahahahaha

>>19400229
They said the sun hears them I wouldn't consider that a person

>>19390438
i don't understand, why does knowledge of evolution theory constitute a psychotic break?

>>19400720
Because after the initial series of true connections, false ones start to seep in. At first, these false ones can be mistaken for simple errors, but they get progressively bigger and wilder.

At the same time that this is going on, the brain makes up false explanations for what is being perceived. Serious delusions begin to arise. Eventually it finally culminates in a full-blown psychotic break.

The other anon probably used evolutionary theory as an example (or maybe his psychosis actually started with that), but the real problem starts later on after the falsehoods start to attach to the original data and become hard or impossible for the sufferer to separate from each other. The other post didn't do a very good job of explaining what the actual problem is.