I'm getting to the end of my rope and I need to do something

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>>19383336
I am also decent with circuitry, so I am about half done with making the brains of a diy EEG, not sure how many simultaneous scalp electrodes I can make work with it yet. It will basically create individual channels like surround sound by measuring the electrodes in quick succession as brain waves are quite low in frequency and location of activity is really more important for this than fidelity. I started it as a distraction from my shitty and I guess maybe I could use it for controlling my cursor for keks, but this seems like a higher priority.

I am not here for an arm to cry, a glass half full talk, or patience padawan bs. I will of course accept advice from a scientific point of view, but am grateful for what ever spiritual, religious, or spoopy information you give me as long as its not an old wife's tale or shilled by 3rd world people who sell random shit in the forest to those with no critical thinking skills. Nice words are appreciated too, but please, I have the other bases covered as much as humanly possible.

Thanks /x/.

I'm not sure exactly how to word this.
In my experience, trains of thought form self-reinforcing feedback loops. Like, the more one focuses on something, the easier it becomes to focus on, and the more the mind automatically does so. The upside is this can be done purposefully. "Where focus goes, energy flows."
This may or may not be helpful; it's just an observation on the human mind.

>>19383355
That's part of what's broke, my subconscious SHOULD be mostly subservient to what I want and what I'm trying to focus on. However, it constantly does the opposite and favors what I try to avoid. Partly, I know it would be wrong to just push things into the back of my mind, even if I could, but there comes a point where I am acutely aware of how bad it really is, I'm always tired, thinking about loss and failures, worried, on edge in conversation, and all but sense or hear an entity that is trying to save me by suggesting how much easier it is to avoid everything to not add problems to my list. I'm not driven to suicide, but I also don't really have a survival instinct beyond air and sustenance. I feel like I am some miserable mutant that needs to die off for everyone else to not be slowed by me.

I already use meds, creating voluntary receptor pathways is likely my only chance.

>>19383336
SSRIs are designed to screw you up. Pharmaceuticals prescribed by psychologists are all designed to create the diagnoses they treat. If you've been on them for a while, don't be surprised if the damage is permanent.

>>19384522
Note: I was on nearly all the SSRIs of the '90s as a kid. Since I feel no joy, I had to decide that I want to exist only to satisfy my curiosity. When that becomes impossible, I have a 12g retirement plan at the ready. There is nothing to fear but boredom and confinement.

>>19384522
Does that mean there's nothing that can help depression and mental illness? I've been on different SSRIs and MAOIs for the past 5 years and none of them have done shit to help.

>>19383336
>I posted this advice on a similar call for help thread
Stop giving your affection to just anything. Even any thoughtform. You may trade affection for things or you may let someone try to earn your affection... but don't just give your affection unto any feeling... don't just give your power away

It's why you're depressed. People don't see you as a real person because you refuse to use the power you seek. My girlfriend dumped me because I was suicidal, so it was either do or die for me.

>>19383425
Its the struggle of the ego to differentiate a stable identity. However, your subconscious is as much a part of you as your conscious mind. Your conscious is not superior in intellect it was born from the ingredients in your subconscious. You need to come to terms with the other part of yourself, nurture its love and health.

>>19383425
Sounds like you're trying to deny all placebos in your life

I would try accepting placebos in baby steps because you're gonna have to use some reverse reverse psychology if you can't get your regular reverse psychology under your thumb

>>19383336
Your power is your affection for the thing you are paying attention to, so if you are just lettig this affectionate attention leak out and go where fucking ever, you are powerless. Savvy?

>>19384557

THIS.