Ignore This Thread

(2009)

You guys probably ownt even like this because it's not spoopy paranormal but here goes

>15
>backpacking with grandad up in the Ozarks
>really secluded so it's just been me and him the whole trip
>grandad is a grizzled old fuck who hates everyone except me and isn't afraid of shit
>for any /k/ommandos he usually brings a Marlin and i just use a shitty rifle my dad gave me because poor
Anyway
>not a hunting trip but we've been shooting our dinner and we figure if we find a deer close to home we'll bring it back
>havent seen any yet but we're keeping our eyes peeled for scat or signs
>actually its been pretty lean as far as animals go, we've only really had deer and squirrels and birds so far
>about halfway into trip, we're in deep country
>been raining since we got up but grandad doesn't give a fuck
>both of us are wet and cranky
>havent talked much all day, my boots are giving me blisters because of my stupid wet socks
>go as far as I can and then tell grandad we need to stop
>grandad seems oddly reluctant
>tells me we gotta keep going until we're out of this valley we're in
>ask why
>he just says its better not to camp in a valley
>whatever, figure he's just being a stupid paranoid old man
>only get a little further before my ankles are literally raw
>tell grandad we gotta stop unless he wants to carry me
>grandad is pissed but agrees
>start to build a fire pit, he tells me not to
>what the fuck why not, i wanna get my feet dry
>trenchrot is real
>he wont say why, just 'no fire'
>fucking whatever
>get in my sleeping bag and try to get my feet warm that way
We had VERY light tents, btw. Basically just tarps we'd throw over branches.
>later when the sun is setting and we're eating our cold dinner we both hear something a couple hundred yards from camp
>twigs snapping, leaves moving around
>grandad and I are excited, it's definitely a deer
>we get really quiet and wait to see if it'll come closer
>grandad has rifle ready
1/2

2/2
>can't see it, but hear the deer circle camp a few times and then leave going toward where the land rises up into some rocky cliffs
>disappointed, thought we were gonna see a deer
>later that night after dark we're hanging out and shooting the shit
>rain has mostly stopped
>grandad goes to piss, decide im gonna light a small fire because fuck it im cold
>literally the SECOND i get the fire going grandad sprints back into camp
>hollers at me to put it out
>tired and cranky so i just tell him to fucking relax
>suddenly from the direction of the cliffs we hear snapping
>ohshit the deer! it must be drawn to the fire or something!
>kinda weirded out, grandad seems WAY too tense for a deer but there are no bears out here
>sounds are getting closer, realize the deer is running, which is weird. it should be running away from us, we're being too loud
>now IM a little freaked
>get my gun from beside my bag, stand with grandpa
>trying to remember if wolves live here
>something moves just beyond the treeline, fire is too small to really see it clearly
>grandad shoves me back behind him, i fall over
>about to chew him out but then the thing breaks the treeline
>it's a deer, but there's something seriously fucking wrong with it
>basically a walking skeleton, drooling, this deer is fucked up
>see what's going on with its face as it comes weirdly close to us and stops maybe twenty feet away
>feel myself go cold all over
>grandad is dead still, aiming at it
>'Go on now' he says. 'This ain't your fire. You're not invited.'
>its a male deer with full antlers
>but the antlers aren't going up
>nstead they curve down, almost like a cage around its face
>one point is growing into its mouth, forcing it open and drooling
>another is going through its eye and into its head
>rest are pressing into the skin of its neck and face
>i have never seen anything like this, im shitting myself
>deer is motionless, just panting and drooling and watching us
2/3 i guess oops

>>19374437
3/3 for real this time
>'Go on. You're not welcome.' Grandad tells it again
>deer doesn't move, just stares at the fire
>i thumb the safety and the click startles both of them
>'ANON, don't move.' Grandad says without looking at me
>deer notices me
>looks at me with its one good eye and i swear to god i literally pissed myself
>it's like a cross between a human eye and a deer eye, like the iris is human if that makes sense
>what the fuck is going on
>realize the forest is DEAD SILENT, nothing is moving ANYWHERE
>feels like a fucking mexican standoff
>i don't know how to explain it but i went from totally fine to fucking terrified without the deer doing anything but look at me
>'GO ON.' I shout at it. i sound like a fucking pussy but i just want it to leave
>'Go on.' Grandad says. He cocks his rifle and the deer backs up a step
>'That's right. We'll leave it for you tomorrow. But not now. You just go on, or I'll make you go.'
>the deer FUCKING UNDERSTANDS HIM
>it gives me one last look and turns around back into the woods
>hear it leaving and then it goes silent
>sounds start coming back into the forest
>grandad looks exhausted, he puts his rifle down and drops next to me
>he's sweating
>realize he was terrified
>this makes ME terrified
>start to ask him what the fuck just happened but he tells me to shut up
>'Don't light fires when I tell you not to, boy.' He says
>'Stuff out here don't like us much but if'n you don't bother it it ain't gonna bother you.'
>that's all he says
>tells me he's going to sleep and that we'll move on tomorrow
>i barely sleep the entire night
>leave the next morning with the fire still going
>doesnt seem safe or smart but grandad says we promised so we have to
>i keep trying to talk about the deer but he just tells me to shut up and walk
>rest of the trip is uneventful
>very very glad to be back in grandad's truck at the end of it

That took me longer and also wasn't from my Aliens binder, which I didn't realize until halfway through. Grabbed the wrong one apparently. Sorry about that. THIS one is aliens.

Love em.

(2006)

>be me
>22 and in college
>doing a lot of drinking so i spend most of my free time in bars
>one night i'm alone, friends have all left
>depressed about finals so i stay and keep drinking the pain away
>great idea, i know
>gets to be really late, it's like me and two other people in the entire place
>it's Wednesday so not a lot going on anywhere i guess
>talking to the bartender about whatever
>someone sits right next to me
>kinda try to ignore it but whoever it is is RIGHT next to me, like i can practically feel them pressing up against me
>very drunk and pissed so i make a point to scoot away
>shoot a nasty glance at whoever it is
>its some older guys with a patchy beard and dark glasses
>almost like theyre tinted but not enough to be sunglasses
>what a fag, i think
>keep talking to bartender
>in the middle of a sentence the guy leans over and says to me 'you're warm.'
>i give him a 'what the fuck is wrong with you' glance
>he smiles this big grin at me
>tells me his name is John
>holds out his hand for me to shake
>bartender looks as weirded out as i do
>shake the guys hand just to get him to go away
>his hand is ICE FUCKING COLD
>not like 'oh im cold' cold but like he just came out of a walk-in freezer
>its the middle of may
>guy asks what im drinking
>vodka coke, i say and then go back to my conversation, thinking he has to have gotten the point
>nope. asks me how my drink tastes.
>but he asks it really weird. not like 'oh how is it' but like he wants me to describe the taste
>good. i say, just like that.
>"john" laughs and orders the same.
>Says, 'well, if you like it so much I'll have to try it!'
>bartender makes it for him
>both of us are now watching this dude
>guy picks up the glass in a really weird way
>puts his palms flat on either side and lifts it without using any of his fingers
>he drinks the entire thing in one go
>holy shit, i think, this guy is a piece of work
>puts the glass down and smiles at me
(continued in next post)

>>19374461
>>19374437
>>19374395

Spopped. But please, continue. I like these.

>>19374499
>asks for another
>bartender is a little weirded out but gives it to him
>this time he just leaves it there and focuses back on me
>'what are you, young man?' he asks
>uuuuuh
>'are you in education?'
>oh. yeah.
>he nods like this is some huge accomplishment
>since apparently he's here to stay i just say fuck it and ask him what he does
>he gives me this really wide smile. his teeth are perfect, which for some reason is weird to me
>'oh im in education as well. i'm learning all the time!' he laughs like this is a big joke to him or something
>just sit there awkwardly
>like a teacher, or...?
>"John" winks at the bartender for some reason but doesn't say anything
>bartender gives me a look and goes to do something else
>thanks, asshole, i think. now im alone with Weirdo
>John has a weird way of looking at me, like he's sizing me up and studying me at the same time
>yeah, i'm not gay or whatever, i say to make sure he's not trying to hit on me
>he scoots closer to me
>i scoot away
>he comes closer
>okay what the fuck, NOW im starting to get pissed again
>man, back off. i tell him
>John ignores me, asks me another question
>'What do you think of strangers?'
>im noticing now that everything he says he says with a smile, like a car salesman
>or someone trying really hard to be less fucking weird than they are
>i tell him i like it when they leave me alone
>he just smiles
>'Everyone is a stranger to someone else, you know. Until they get to know each other!'
>thanks for the fucking life advice?
>i finish my drink and get up, fuck this
>decide i'll just go get a bottle of something at a store and get drunker at home
>John keeps smiling up at me
>put my money on the counter
>John watches me do this
>he stands and reaches into his pockets
>pulls out a fucking MASSIVE wad of cash
>like the kind a mobster would have or something
>whattheFUCK
>he puts a hundred on the counter, watching me like he's expecting me to tell him if it's the right amount
cont.

>>19374540
I got it, just a rich asshole who's bored out of his mind, and/or took some weird new drug.

>>19374345
Post a picture of your binder collection?
I'm very interested.

why would you print out anything when you could just save it as a text file...

>>19374552
>>>19374345 (OP)
>Post a picture of your binder collection?
>I'm very interested.
I second this

>>19374558
How copy pastas work.

>>19374540
>turn around and walk out without saying anything
>about fifty feet from my car when i notice theres another set of footsteps crunching behind me
>oh fuck this
>get to my car and unlock it
>get inside, shut door, lock it right away
>not even fully closed when John comes up to the window
>bends down so he can see inside
>his face is RIGHT up to the glass
>'fuck off, man' i say
>he just smiles at me
>'Fuck off, man.' he repeats it EXACTLY the same
>officially weirded out, im considering calling the cops or something
>he keeps smiling in at me and thats when i notice that even though he's smiling his eyes aren't
>theyre cold and suddenly i feel very uncomfortable
>'Back off, man, or you're gonna get hit.' i tell him
>'What was the drink you gave me?' He asks. 'I'd like to get it again someday.'
>gave him?? what??
>Tell him its vodka and coke
>He nods and does this weird tapping thing on the glass with one finger
>'Thank you!'
>his finger is pressed against the glass and thats when i notice that this motherfucker has no fingerprints. not only that, but hes close enough that he should be leaving breath fog on the glass
>hes not
>this fucker isnt breathing
>his finger leaves no trace of anything on the glass
>i am officially done with this shit
>start the car and put it in reverse
>''I very much liked your jokes!"
>start backing up VERY slowly but he just stays put
>figure if i run over his feet it's his own problem for not getting out of my way
>'I'm glad you were here to teach them to me!'
>somehow i don't run him over and i manage to get far enough away to turn and leave
>watch him in my mirror as I go
>he just stands there and watches

>went back to that bar a few weeks later
>asked the bartender about "John"
>apparently after I left, "John" came back in and sat at the bar until closing
>he didn't order anything else to drink
>he didnt drink the vodka he'd already ordered
>he just held it in his palms and watched the bartender
cont.

>>19374578
>bartender didnt say anything to him the entire time until telling the guy he has to leave
>John doesn't put up a fuss, just gets up and leaves
>bartender locks up and is about to leave when John appears again right next to the window and taps on the glass
>bartender asks if he needs him to call a taxi
>John doesn't say yes or no, he just smiles
>and thanks the bartender for 'teaching him so much'.
>offers his hand
>bartender shakes it
>drives off like a bat out of hell
>'I don't know if you noticed, Anon, but I did.'
>'Noticed what?' i ask
>'When he drank? He didn't swallow. Not once. It just went right down into him. That motherfucker was in there for four hours and not ONCE did he cough, blink, adjust himself, or do anything really other than sit and smile.'
>never see John again
>bartender and I joke that John was an alien who was learning human customs and how to blend in
>what better place to do it than a bar?

Maybe not the best ending or whatever but something was really fucking wrong about John, and I really hope I never see him again.

>>19374547
Couldn't say, the story isn't mine

>>19374558
This was 2006, I was a kid and I wanted physical copies. Also that was sort of the point, I figured if I had them all offline I didn't have to worry about losing then. I had backups of most but that computer is long-gone

>>19374552
>>19374564
I can't right now but I figured people would want to see them so I'll get a picture at some point when I can

>>19374570
I don't know what you mean? I mean I guess they're kinda copypastas because they aren't mine but I definitely have the binders.

Taking a break for a bit. What binder should I pull from next? Or should I stick with ayylmaos for a while?

so this is what a shitpost thread looks like on /x/

>>19374345
Hate to be rude mate, but if you're talking about >>>19371017 you're wrong. I'm the guy that was posting then

but if you're actually the guy that did this originally then that's neat. I'm also storing these on my pc

>>19374631
Also, where were you getting the stories from in 2006? did /x/ even exist then?

also, why start a new thread? theres one up with only 100, seems silly to make a new one desu

>>19374662
I guess?

>>19374671
Yeah, I'm the one that originally posted them. It's good that people enjoy them!

As for the new thread, I usually make my own because I find it's easier that way. I don't hijack another thread, and if it dies oh well. /x/ existed, yes, but they came from all over. I mostly went on /r9k/, /b/, /x/, and occasionally /k/. They're pulled from all over, basically.

>>19374671
>>19374758
Oh shit I didn't even notice that YOU'RE the other archivist! Hopefully people don't get us confused.

Flipped through the alien binder and here's a quick one I can do a bit easier:

(2007)

>When I was little I had an imaginary friend
>His name was Binky and I used to play with him every night for about a year
>I'd sit on my bed and look out the window for Binky
>He always came after sunset
>I'd wait until I could see the North Star and then I'd look for him until he popped up
>He'd usually appear right next to the North Star, but he liked to move around
>He looked like a star but he wasn't, he wasn't exactly circular and he was a little more purple than the other stars
>I'd wait until I saw him, and then I'd start talking
>Binky would respond by flashing, once for yes and twice for no, and I remember testing this to make sure it was really happening
>He'd also get brighter in answer to my questions and stuff
>We 'talked' like this every night for about a year
>After that I met my real-life best friend and I sort of forgot about him
>Years later I mentioned him to my sister and she got really pale
>Turns out she remembers Binky, but not the same way
>SHE remembers me inventing Binky and talking to him at night, but he wasn't a star
>He was a man made of leather that would come to my window at night and take me somewhere
>That's exactly how she described him, like he was made of tanned leather
>His skin was very thick and looked like it was sort of pieced together in a suit
>Like he was wearing a leather suit and underneath was something else
>He'd come to my window (on the first floor) and I'd go with him
>Sister was too scared to see where we went
>She told my parents but they never saw anything and the dogs never barked when she saw us leaving (dogs barked at everything)
>I have no idea what to make of this
>Probably just a weird childhood memory or something

>>19374345
Can I get some more alien/UFO greentexts?

I've been waiting for your return, OP.

>>19374345
Dude you're a fucking mad man.

Jesus Christ.

I swear if the Apocalypse ever comes pass the green texts on as word of truth and accidentally create a green txt religion.