Has an idea ever driven you insane, /x/?

>>19337408
Not actually insane, but there is one concept that nags on my brain so severely and constantly that it caused me to attempt suicide three years ago.

I don't want to get into what exactly the idea is but it made me question everything and scared.

I don't want to talk about it.

>>19337408
Yes

>>19338569
Come on tell us mang!

>>19338569
nice b8 m8.

The idea that every entity i have encountered and will encounter is just another manifestation of 'myself' and I'm truly alone for ever and eternity. Thats been bothering me for awhile.

>>19338584
Is it solipsistic in here, or just me?

>>19338584
Fuck man... that literally super close to the "idea" I was talking about. Not exactly but close.

I went deep down that logic trail, and... it fucked me up.

Eternal... crippling lonliness. And sheer, unequal evil inside me.

Unresolvable. Unstoppable. Eternal.

There's more though - without going deeper, it is enough to question everything.

>>19338591
We are nothing more than energy. We exist as a hologram. Our conscious' energy creates our perception of reality. We do not exist and never have, but in a sense we are all connected through energy grids.

>>19338616
David Icke get out!

Our thoughts are mere whispers sent by our previous lives' ghosts that all inhabit our heads.
EVERY SINGLE THING YOU EVER THOUGHT was something your past self is trying to tell you.
Schizos only found out it's not their own heads thinking alone.
While you are far from alone by the most perceived mean, you are a single person with everything else that has ever lived.

>>19338591
Can you go into more detail?

>>19338658
If all others are ourselves also, then that means that human suffering is self-inflicted in all cases, and that we suffer against ourselves to grow. But why do we suffer against ourselves to grow instead of just an environment? What are we growing into collectively as a species?
Are we growing into some planet-leeching space-demon?

>>19338569
>...it caused me to attempt suicide...
>I don't want to get into what... blah blah blah
>I don't want to talk about it.

Wow, your reverse-psychology game is really impressive here dude. Hey everyone make sure to give this guy a round of applause for how cool and interesting his story must be.

>>19338687
I've never really had a problem with masochism so...
And what the fuck is a planet-leeching space-demon?

SZECHUAN SAUCE

>>19337408
Define insane. I've realized some things such as the paradox around free will that make me weird to some extent. Basically that everything you do is predetermined and you have no choice. Simple at first but when it sinks in you really see the gravity. Like I could go to the store or kill myself: seems like a big choice, but it's predetermined. The very fact that I'm writing this is already set in stone. I can choose to stop writing to assert my independence, but that's predetermined as well. And now I've written all of this, and I have no more choice to do so than a rock when I drop it.

I think it's so strange to internalize because it goes against all the evolutionary programming since you were a single celled organism that makes you think you are in any way more important than the keyboard you're typing on. When it comes down to it we are all completely and utterly worthless. All of humanity could die in an instant and it would really be no more important than a gust of wind, the holocaust is not any better or worse than me going to eat some cereal. A lot of people seem to think that makes me nihilistic, but I actually consider it quite liberating and a source of comfort. No matter how much I or anyone else fails or succeeds, I'm just dirt that has been given an evolutionary ability to believe I'm a conscious being.

But yeah, some people say that my worldview is that of an insane person, but I don't think I could be persuaded out of it by a psychologist. Maybe by a philosopher, but I'm pretty sure it's not a problem with my actual mental state.

>>19338749
90 YERS RICK AND MORTY FOR A HUNFRED YEARS WWWDOTRICKANDMMORTYDOTTCOM

>>19338757
I'M PICKLE RIIIICK
https://youtu.be/xd2a2HgUh6g

I was driven into a 6 month long psychosis in 11th grade because I was convinced that trigonometry would help us understand elements of energy.

>>19338569
>don't wanna talk about it
>talks about it

>>19338766
I had an idea for an idea generator once. I wanted a tool that would help me come up with ideas to draw so i wrote a program that took a random adjective verb and noun from a dictionary and printed it to the screen. I spent the next month clicking the little button like a mad man thinking i was communicating with god.

>>19338922
What kind of dictionary did you use? I've been looking for a conveniently organized dataset of words by definition and type so that I can create an English speaking AI, but I can't find a good one and creating one would take a long time.

I'm schizophrenic so essentially, yes.

>>19339058
it's been awhile but I think it was http://www.ashley-bovan.co.uk/words/partsofspeech.html

>>19339124
Oh great, I like the system of organizing them into separate files, actually probably makes most programming with them easier. Thanks.

my dirty room is driving me insane
i just want help

>>19337408
Yes. The idea that I could help a girl with my love. She was scared of me but addicted to my love. I shouldn't have kept trying to 'cure' her. Her love felt like a dark shadow, drained all my energy, took the light out of my eyes and made me collapse into myself on several occasions.

The bright side is that it made me understand myself, my love and reality a lot better. It's not just a game, it's not just in your head. Love is real and you should only exchange it with people you trust.

>>19338569
aww, did you read Camus in high school 3 yeas ago?

>>19338754
You say it goes against the evolutionary programming, but the evolutionary programming is the mechanism by which it works and came to be. Anyway, to say it's meaningless is to say a particular cell of an organism is meaningless. Yeah, everything loses significance the further you zoom out, but the scope of what you personally perceive is pretty much a set constant, and within that scope it's all as important as it seems.

And all that aside, the mechanisms that reactionarily determine your actions do so by making you feel good or bad about things, and regardless of all this speculation you still continue to feel good and bad about things, so if nothing matters you should logically spend your time maximizing the production of good feelings and minimizing the production of bad feelings. Your particular programming will determine if that's a matter of egoism, altruism or utilitarianism, and in the end that doesn't matter either.

That said, the meaninglessness and determinism that this worldview is predicated on is itself predicated on nihilism, and said nihilism is generally predicated on the grandiose position that our science is both complete and correct, which is both constantly disproven and theoretically impossible because we as an organism are incapable of knowing anything with certainty because our data acquisition happens through fallible senses and is stored in fallible memory. Literally anything is possible, including free will and meaning.

It's all good.

>>19337408
the trans threads on /pol/ drive me to panic attacks that spiral me into thinking that the book of revelations is about to come true does that count?

>>19340422
As for me, my eccentricities mostly stem from some stubborn predisposition toward absolutism -- I have a very hard time accepting good enough as good enough, and this is a cool quality to have as an artist or a tradesman, but it's a death sentence when applied to abstracts like epistemology, ethics, and politics, because things like certainty, happiness, liberty and security cannot be absolutely attained, only approached. This lends me to, in the cases of utility and liberty, go off the deep end in pursuit of a practical maximum, or in the case of certainty, abandon the pursuit completely.

I have a theory that this predisposition is neurochemical, the result of rapid dopamine reuptake and thus rapid acclimation and dissatisfaction following a perceived victory -- and thus, addressable as a problem. But I don't really want to address it, because I at least tentatively like this quality in myself.

But yes, the idea of absolutes -- absolute certainty, absolute utility, absolute liberty, absolute sustainability -- fucks my shit right up on the regular.

File: hypocritethatyouare.png (423KB, 480x608px) Image search: [Google]

423KB, 480x608px

>>19338754
>>19340422
DO NOT FALL FOR THE MECHANICAL MEME

>>19337408

No.

I am perfectly mentally-healthy.

PERFECTLY

E

R

F

E

C

T

L

Y

SANE

A

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E

NOW I MUST GO WATER THE UNMARKED GRAV- ...ROSEBUSHES.

YES. THE ROSEBUSHES.

A PERFECTLY SANE THING TO DO.

HA. HA. HA.