Clogged heart

>>19162931
So... are you what it would be called a heartless?
Oh poor, poor anon. I seriously feel sorry for you for being like this just like me.
I've been like you for 13 years anon, there is no escape.

>>19162931

yes, most men these days seem to share this sentiment.

myself, i feel like there is nothing to live for in this modern world, and i am just going through the motions everyday to stay alive

i have no source of inspiration, no divine essence in life, just bland everyday office work that grinds my emotional side into dust

>>19162931

It's because you're not being truly honest with yourself. Stop bullshitting and dig down, rip in to yourself like a fat child in to cake. Once you knock it off with the walls you've placed on yourself to hide from the true things you think and feel, it'll clear right up.

>>19162941
I dont think im heartless tho, It is more as if there was a seperation, like my brain took control of everything. I almost only feel rational.
Even my tastebuds, there is something missing, every thing is vague.
And I almost remember nothing from my childhood, so maybe there's a trauma there.

>>19162952
It's just a term.
Don't look at the literal meaning

>>19162948
But how? Is there substance that can help me getting there faster, like meditating on psychadelics, doing Ayahuasca, or going to vipassana?

And she is very spiritual, a bit into the buddhism idea, but not religious, and super intellegent. She help me alot, but not enough. Now I'm able to perceive some synchronicities around me, and I'm able to "manifest" small things around me. So im not a lost cause, but there is alot of work to do.

I can not continu working my shit construction that keep me out of my home 13hours a day.

im pretty sure its due to having a shitty social life

While back I took 80mg of Adderall as a first dose cus all my friends at the time insisted it was good fun. Since then I've felt that emotional disconnect feeling. I still have a sense of humor and can feel sad, but most other emotions are completely gone. I almost got hit by a car at work and felt absolutely nothing. Kinda cool, kinda concerning. Sometimes when I know I should be feeling an emotional response I'll notice physical symptoms (increased heart rate, jitters, etc.) but I won't physically feel anything like I used to. Hasn't much impacted my relationships cus I'm a good actor lol. Best of luck op. I'd try viewing life through a positive lens (cheesey I know). Lots of natural beauty and lots of stuff to appreciate even if it doesn't incite an emotional response. Sounds to me like you're defining yourself by your 'shell'-ness, so before a given situation even begins you're already expecting to be hindered. Let loose and go with the flow. It can take a long time to adjust to think that way. Meditation couldn't hurt, and the shrooms certainly seem to help, so keep those up to if you'd like. I've read to space use out to every 6 months tho. not sure how credible that info is.

Also if you wanna try a pharm approach, gabapentin might help but tolerance can build up very quickly.

The shrooms made me more aware of my own body, of my thoughts and my feeling. My brain was reacting more quickly, like everything was clear in my head, every words came out fluidly (i usually forget the dumbest word, very frustrating). I even felt stronger.

So I know for a fact that there is something hidden within me, a better anon, that I cant acces as of right now

Pray to God for a new heart. He will give you one if he's not feeling selfish at the moment.

>>19162981
Know what would be my heaven? Quitting my job solely to play the one or two games I enjoy and meditating for the rest of it. Exercising here and there, and on occasion, some sort of exploration. Weather it be of the physical world or through the occult.

Reading books and growing in knowledge. Growing in wisdom through meditation and peace abounding in my heart because of no passive considerations such as mortgage, gas, bills, etc.

This way, I can apply myself fully into whatever it is I am doing. Because even though current obligations are never on my mind, with the exception of when it comes time to work and pay bills, they are still there in the background. Regardless of what I think.

>>19164112
do you have any piercing like holes on your ears, just above the cartilage.

>>19164230
I have 0 piercings, never used drug before that shroom experience. I am very far from a hippy

>>19162931
I used to have almost no feelings, only anger. The past month I had a relantionship with my cousin and now I lost my anger, and now I have feelings, AND ITS FUCKING HARD TO DEAL WITH. I wish I could get rid of'em they cloud my judjement and are pretty alien to me since I have almost no experience with them.
Trust me, you are way better off whithout them.

>>19164260
Its way better to live my life as a drone. I am almost never happy, every is either bad or okay, never good or great

>>19162931
Just TRY pussy. Turn off the computers and DO something. This place is cancer.

Seems like you grew up from your hormone pumped part of your life

>>19162931
Chant Hare Krsna and your heart will become purified

If you don't believe me then chant the next time you try shrooms and you'll instantly notice the effects

>>19162931
>IA

>>19162931
>And I just lost the women Im sure I love because of this. I want to change that part of me, can live my life unhappy.
have you considered that maybe you're more attuned to the dark side of the force, and that your confusion comes from your unwillingness to use your pain and self-loathing as power

>>19164260
You fucked your cousin, you should feel weird feelings, you fucking creep.

>>19164260
>COUSIN LOVIN
YEEEEEHAW THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN

I feel very similar. I can't say I've ever really felt love for another person, and when I go hiking and see shit I now should be beautiful and everyone around me is ooing and ahing I just can't get myself to see it the same way they seem to.

This is called depression.