I need Forgiveness

>>18976832
Nothing matters in life, Anon. Stop worrying about it. I know it's easier said than done but I've been saying "fuck it" a lot more recently and it's working out great for me.

>>18976851
Sometimes I try to convince myself of that, but them it all comes again and hits me like a tidal wave. Even if others can forgive me, I cannot forgive myself. Don't get me wrong. I am not suicidal or anything like that, I just can't stop dwelling on the past. The older I get the more serious I realize these sins were, and are. The more I hate myself for being weak and selfish.

>>18976904
What was so damn heinous that you did??

>>18976942
There is no way I'm posting anything I did online.
There is no such thing as privacy or true anonymity on the internet..but some are really bad.

>>18976961

i bet u did some rapes

>>18976961
m8, either you post it, and get it out or shut the fuck up

you are not getting better with this pity party

>>18976961
Did you forget to poo in loo?

Well at least your good with people.

>>18976988
This.
C'mon OP, this is just gay now. You're being worse than an emo kid who can't get his way.

>>18976988
I don't want pity....just thought maybe someone might have dealt with this. I don't really have any friends or family to talk to about this.

>>18977065
Tell us what you did or GTFO

How are you meant to find forgiveness without acceptance, or someone in a similar situation if nobody knows what you did because you're too much of a paranoid fucking mess to type it out, attention seeking faggot

>>18977065
maybe you should head over to /adv/ or something, this is a board for paranormal topics, conspiracy theory, magical shit and spooky campfire stories

>>18977065
okay fine, i feel bad for you. ive been there.

just keep going. put one foot in front of the other. it may be a long road to absolution, but it's there. let your mind go back to the guilt. it will keep going back until you truly understand yourself and what you did.

at the end of the road you will understand that it's not your fault. try to take care of yourself even if you believe you deserve to die. try to be calm even if you are sad. try to be happy even if you feel you don't deserve it.

above all stay calm. understand that you will be cleansed. do not be afraid. accept the feelings inside you. introspect. that's all I can give you.

you will be absolved.

>>18976961
Unless you did some criminal shit I see no reason to not post it.

>>18977198
I should die for some of the things I did in my past...I am not the same person now, I can't even identify with the person I used to be...but it was still me....I just want inner peace.

>>18977215
>I should die for some of the things I did in my past...

Ok such as?

I though that this might be the place to post this because people here are always talking about being enlightened and achieving a higher state of conscience. How can anyone find peace when they are constantly haunted.

>>18976832
find a quiet area away from others and pray to the lord for forgiveness.

>>18976832
Go to God, child. He will forgive you unconditionally, give you love, and salvation.

>>18977228
I have spent countless hours in prayer, volunteered my time, tried to help others, worked until I almost pass out from exhaustion but then it all comes back and hits my like a ton of bricks...you think you can make this go away? You think that anything you do now changes what you did in the past? you deserve to be miserable , you deserve to be in pain. you deserve to fear what lies ahead for you.....Each day that passes I am one day closer to getting what I deserve,....The pain I caused others can't be undone, so why should mine.....I am kind of afraid to be honest.

>>18976832

This is easy OP. Become a juggalo. It's what I did. First you embrace your "wicked" side. Gotta learn to have that joker's smile. You dun goofed and you're the dickhead clown.

After not giving a fuck for a while and learning to accept what you are. Then you will find the inner peace to become a good person from this point forth with no regrets,

Welcome to the Dark Carnival.

>>18977266
https://youtu.be/0fgr9Ct1BT0

>>18976832

You think I'm fucking with you OP? Become a juggalo. They are the scum of the Earth and they love eachother despite beign junkies, killers, criminals, etc. Their path is to the light, and having a support network and music to rely on to help you forgive yourself is a great first first.

https://youtu.be/-U-GOGz3Xsg

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>>18977262
Holy shit you sound like a 13 year old emo faggot. All these ellipses and this cringey anime-tier writing, jesus. Get the fuck over yourself, stealing a candy bar isn't unforgivable, or whatever you did. It's probably something insanely minor, and you're so embarrassed by the fact that your "woah, so dark crimes" won't live up to the big show you're putting on. Fuck you, go put on some linkin park and cut yourself you god damned dildo.

>>18977262

Dude please shut the fuck up, you sound like such a pathetic fucking child. Go shit up some other board.

>>18977313
Yeah I'm starting to think this is some bad "street theater" or something coming out of OP.

>>18977313

lmao, probably true.

If not though OP and you turned some girl into a junkie, raped some toddlers, killed your best friend, etc etc

I really don't care. I'm a juggalo and want you to join the Dark Carnival.

>>18977290
I do't want to embrace that....I hate the things I did, I would give anything to change the past.
My family acts like they love me, but deep down how can they? I don't believe them. They are good people but no one is that good that they can not privately be disgusted by my presence.

I'll keep praying, but it doesn't seem to help.....but maybe it has kept me from ending my pain and their pain....I keep telling myself that.

>>18977339
Ignorant dumb shit. You don't understand what juggalos even are. You need real FAMILY. Juggalo FAMILY.

>>18977339
https://youtu.be/HV2JqHsE2LI

I know I sound like a loser, I just felt like I hit the lowest point and thought trying to put it in writing would help me sort things out....Now I have to add this stupid thread to my growing list.

>>18977339

How fucking ignorant and stupid can one person possibly be.

You don't seem to even understand what a juggalo family can do for you and you blow it off as part of your big song and dance routine on /x/.

If you're honestly, truly looking for help and are not just being a stupid bawling child about this, then open your goddamn ears and fucking listen to what the entire. fucking. forum is telling you.

ICP you stupid shit, open your fucking eyes for once

>>18977375

Pshh you know OP. Couldn't even humor being a juggalo. I was willing to be your juggalo homie and talk to you every day and be your friend. We could even go to the gathering and have a happy life.

You threw that all away.

>>18977375

OP what is the point of posting this thread if you aren't even going to listen to the overwhelming amount of advice people are giving you? Advice that matches up with each other?

Listen for once. Shit.

>>18977262
you need to stop whining...or stop larping.

You sound underaged when you post like that. Graduate from whatever leftist infested schooling that you are in and go do missonary work. Bring the Word of God to all that will listen.

At quiet times or find a closet somewhere and shut yourself within it.

Once done so incite the Lord's prayer and he will reward you in secret.

Do something useful for your life and stop larping.

OP if this post is actually serious and not just some dumb role playing and you actually committed a felony or something then the only thing that can actually help you is time. You have to learn that actions have consequences and now you need to work off that karma while at the same time learning from it and trying not to make any more horrible decisions. Things could be a lot worse for you believe me and by the way please do not respond to this post because the thought of actually getting into a discussion with you is repulsive to me and if you do I'm going to hack into your keyboard and make it explode in your sad sack face okay bye.

>>18977380
THANK YOU. OP this isn't even a samefag thign going on. Multiple people think u should TRY being a juggalo. I mean your this low right? What do you have to lose by trying it?

>>18977391
I would turn myself in for my own sanity and peace, but the pain it would cause my family would be even worse.

https://youtu.be/rWdWs_g5Mz8

>>18977405

He told you not to reply you illiterate dyslexic fucking worthless idiot pile of shit stain fucking retard.

Let me lay this out for you in plain, simple terms that maybe a stupid reject like you can understand:

Go juggalo, or go fuck yourself.

>>18977399
I'm depressed....not retarded. Juggalo is not an option.

>>18977412

HOLY FUCK OP JUST SHITTED ON THE JUGGALO FAMILY.

Thats it faggot. Prepare to be doxxed and were gonna find out your ohh so gruesome crime too. Your shit going all over social media

>>18977412

You *are* retarded. You are by far the most retarded person posting on /x/ right now. Look at this fucking thread, everyone is saying the same thing.

If you don't want actual advice, then what the fuck are you doing posting your stupid shit on /x/?

ICP you disgusting fuck

>>18977412
https://youtu.be/MPJvCCtWtgQ

>>18977418
The only good advice so far was prayer....this I have been doing....maybe I need more. The rest of you are even bigger losers that I am.

>>18977427

lmao yeah right faggot. You're the little bitch posting on /x/ of all places crying about your own mind. Yet we are the faggots.

What a waste of life. I hope you end it. Bitch boy

>>18977427

So then why are you depressed you stupid sack of shit?

>>18977427
https://youtu.be/ZUN-vjr_jkw

>>18976832
I know Op's secret...

https://youtu.be/DdWuEc4RuLo

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No, OP you heard the boys it's clown town from now on. Go on embrace the degeneracy it's great I love it. Makes me feel like I'm running around without pants 24/7. Pic related is my clownsona

OP is a PEDO

https://youtu.be/y-yRfRwJ7q8

I see people always talking about inner peace. I don't know how that happens. or if it is just a lie.
There are people who have done worse things than me yet they seem happy or at least, content.
I don't want to accept that all of these things I did are really who I am, yet I know that it is is true. I can never change what I did to people who didn't deserve it, so that makes me a monster.

>>18977339
>My family acts like they love me, but deep down how can they?

If you're still at the point that family shows outward signs of love for you, then you are nowhere near the monster you think you are. It's that simple. Being disowned by your family is only like step 3 or 4 on the 20-point path to being an honest-to-goodness terrible person. Doesn't mean you aren't a piece of shit, but that little factoid gives a way a lot about you.

Here's some life advice, kid: what happens during your teenage years doesn't count. Get out there, ruin some lives, betray trust in ways that legit can't be forgiven, get addicted to heroin or coke, kill a motherfucker or two and cover it up, thus forcing yourself to live with it. Then you'll be on your way to being a terrible human being.

As it is, your emo faggotry is shitting up our paranormal board on a Saturday night. This is like prime /x/ browsing time so fuck the fuck off and let me read scary stories and watch ghost videos.

Seriously, where the fuck are the god damn mods?

PS if you want absolution, kill anyone who ever suggests becoming a juggalo. Instant angel wings.

>>18977494
Why worry about what you can't change?

>>18976832
There's nothing left to do to change the past OP. Nothing on earth has been able to do that for a very long time. Best focus on your future.

Commit to learn from your mistakes. Let them fuel you when you face difficult decisions in the future. You will not fail yourself the same way again!

When you commit yourself to that path, and truly understand and embrace your intent to be a better person, your mind will follow.

>>18977507
I can't fix it....I can't make it better, I hate the person I am ...and even if I spent the rest of my life feeding the poor, nothing negates the bad things I did. I am overwhelmed by guilt...that's all it boils down to. I just don't understand how other people manage to keep going on and be happy....just let this thread die...there is no answer.

>>18977497

Shut it retard. You know nothing of the juggalo world.

>>18977516
thanks....I mean it.

>>18977529

OP we know you touched her. I'm glad you're in your own little personal hell.

>>18977516
I already told OP this, he's just an attention whore.

>>18977536

You're welcome you pathetic mule.

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>>18977399
Agreed. OP, you need to listen to these guys. I'm not a juggalo personally, but I've never committed burglary, arson, or sold fake weed to kids. You on the other hand, have probably done all of those things. So go buy yourself a Twiztid t shirt, some face paint, and a ticket to the gathering. Develop an interest in professional wrestling, learn how to loudly shout 'whoop whoop' and start spraying people with Faygo brand soda. Your road to redemption begins here.

>>18976832

I believe you anon, your remorse is a hopeful sign. Life is a transformation, you can be a new person. Be charitable and bring goodness into the world. Be the antithesis of your former self. Commit yourself to move forward and never to regress.

>>18976832
Be here now, friend. The things you have done are in the past, and time is an illusion. The only time that we can really be sure exists is right here, right now.

>>18978532
top shelf words. wish i would become aware of them.

>>18978878
i also have these feels of the dark. i have done bad for sure but nothing that has affected anyone to a point of not fixing. sucks, sorry

good thread

always good to help each other

>>18977002
heh

>>18976832
be a decent person.

>>18977215
Just kill yourself

>>18976832
I forgive you

>>18976832
Go to a Catholic church and confess. Do penance and move on.

But also this>>18976851

>>18976832
>>18976832
It's never too late to turn the corner anon. You can't wipe away what you've done, but you can balance it, just start doing the right thing, and do it all the time.

>>18976832
learn to forgive yourself. Its not your fault.

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>>18976832
>..I can't go on hating myself over the bad and sometimes evil choices I have made.
Yes^^^

>>18980361
Yes you can

>>18976832
Pray to god.

>>18976832
89:10.4.The possibility of the recognition of the sense of guilt is a badge of transcendent distinction for mankind. It does not mark man as mean but rather sets him apart as a creature of potential greatness and ever-ascending glory. Such a sense of unworthiness is the initial stimulus that should lead quickly and surely to those faith conquests which translate the mortal mind to the superb levels of moral nobility, cosmic insight, and spiritual living; thus are all the meanings of human existence changed from the temporal to the eternal, and all values are elevated from the human to the divine.
89:10.5.The confession of sin is a manful repudiation of disloyalty, but it in no wise mitigates the time-space consequences of such disloyalty. But confession—sincere recognition of the nature of sin—is essential to religious growth and spiritual progress.
89:10.6.The forgiveness of sin by Deity is the renewal of loyalty relations following a period of the human consciousness of the lapse of such relations as the consequence of conscious rebellion. The forgiveness does not have to be sought, only received as the consciousness of re-establishment of loyalty relations between the creature and the Creator. And all the loyal sons of God are happy, service-loving, and ever-progressive in the Paradise ascent

>>18976832
Trust me when I say writing everything out on a piece of paper or several pieces will help. Doesnthe matter how serious it is just make sure no one can see it. I would write down my life story or the events that where so negative for you to experience. The more detail the better remember you want to spill all of it out onto the paper all of the truth no matter how horrible, then when your done burn it and you will feel like the experiences have been lifted off of you and all that weight will be gone. Not completely of coarse but I find it really is cathartic for some reason especially if you've experienced things you can't talk about this way you can talk in a way without any conciquence. Hope this helps and I wish you the best I know you will feel better and conquer your demons.

>>18976832
True redemption come at a price, rebalance your karmic debt . . . pay the denbts .... Starting by greentextin ur story for us

>>18976832
>I desperately need forgiveness so I can find a little bit of happiness or joy in my life, but it's like I am reliving these things everyday.
SO FUCKER YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST ASK FOR FORGIVENESS, RECEIVE IT AND YOU WILL LIVE HAPPY LIFE.

FUCK YOU.
How about suffering for the rest of your fucking life for the pains you inflicted on others.
But no, you are a coward now and looking for easy way out.
You used to be brave and ruthless motherfucker inflicting pain and suffering on others.
Now is your turn.

Don't fucking look for sympathy now, you had no sympathy for your victims.
FUCK YOU ENJOY FRUITS OF YOUR ACTIONS NOW.
ASSHOLE.

>>18976832

u r living with the same philosophy still, go out do something read do something different so u get new ideas and philosophies and they shall battle ur demons for u

>>18981967
>and they shall battle ur demons for u
O really, you feel so sorry for this fucker that you even like to spare him from doing his own shit cleaning.
you are delusional snowflake, read this faggot
>>18981341

>>18976832
I forgive you.

We are all just passers in the night, ultimately. What you think you did and how horrible it was...

is nothing compared to all the love that came to those people you hurt from other angles of life...which is...WAY FUCKING BIGGER THAN YOU. You were hurt, too. Pain is the hardest path to happiness and also the most rewarding.

Humans have a job to do, and it's see themselves from other eyes. I see you when I see me, anon.

Hold your hands out in front of you, make a square with one palm facing you and one palm facing out by combining the thumbs to make the top/bottom of the square and the sides with your index finger.

This holy sign is sent to you from YOURSELF, and is a bit of math quiz to see...but study these symbols in your hands. God and Lucifer are like your mom and dad, they just speak different languages.

I love you.

God loves you in all directions.

You can forgive yourself, because I'm just like you. And I have.

>>18982013
:P

>>18982072
fucking snowflake, I bet you are a faggot you are so fucking sensitive.
read this you fagg
>>18981341
I hope one of the bad things OP was doing was tormenting and hurting faggots like yourself.

>>18982118
fuck fags! i fucking hate fags! fuck FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!

>>18982118
I read it. It's easy to a piece of shit and waaayyy funnier.

I'm doing it all for me, and anyone else with the courage to actually care.