THE FAN

File: cat.gif (2MB, 400x210px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 400x210px

>>18624234
continue

>continue?

either do or don't, only faggot attention_whores want to be begged to continue

Contine please

>>18624234
Sher.

If true thank you for your service.

Now what I should've mentioned earlier is that Dane has plastic dick. Got his real pecker blown clean off in war by an IED. His plastic pecker is bright yellow, and it tastes awful. Don't ask. Anyway Dane paused for a second, had to piss you know how that goes. He stops, whips Plastic Pete, that's what he calls it, out and lets loose a flood. While doing this he hears a sound. A sound like two grizzly bears having a fart contest.
continue?

>>18624234
Going to anyway.
So I ask Dane what the fuck just happened and he tells me that in the morning he will show me.
We drink a bit, chat, tell lame jokes, that kind of thing, and go to sleep.
I wondered why Dane picked me up from the airport in a humvee, but seeing the terrain we had to cross, it was no wonder. Not to mention the shit we were going to see.
Dane gave me the M4 he had, illegally, and once again took his FAL.
I noticed that in the back of the humvee he had packed some old combat gear, and he told me to get suited up. So I slapped on the helmet and the vest, and he told me to be up top with the drum mag in the m4 in case shit got crazy.
So I climb up there, and he yells, "Hey fool, help me put this thing on top". He has a fucking gunner shield. That he has adapted to hold an m4 like a .50 cal. So we put it up there, and it's one of those rotating ones too. So it's pretty nifty. Right away i notice that the m4 slides onto it and I hear the telltale click of a grenade launcher attachment.
"You might need a few of these" he says and lays a bag full of HE launcher nades on top of the humvee. At this point im wondering what we were about to get into, but I had no idea.

cont.

>>18624264
Dane looks down in horror. His piss had ALL ON IT'S OWN spelled out his maternal grandmother's maiden name in the snow!!! Right there clear as day it said "Flobacher". Dane darn near shit a brick. But not having any TP on hand he decided not to.
continue?

The twist is OP and Dane had homosexual intercourse

>>18624276
Just a second. There's a bat slamming against the sliding glass door. Weird. Hold on.

brb

>>18624272
It's not often something reminds me of my time in the service, but all the fucking combat gear Dane had was really giving me flashbacks. So Im up there, and the asshole starts driving, without letting me know so I end up whacking my face on the fucking shield. So I call him an asshole and our 3 hour drive begins. I ask him why the fuck we have the heavy gear over the little radio he gave me, and he begins explaining about how the inuits who sold him the land were warning him about shit that went bump in the night, and they seemed serious. So after his first 6 days at the new cabin he went ahead and started stocking up on gear. He told me there were things in the woods that looked like people, but didnt like us very much. Talked about how they would take his dogs in the middle of the night, but never past 12. After 3 hours of being utterly horrified by his descriptions, will post a full one later, we enter the forest at the norther part of his property.
It took us 3 hours to get there because one, 600 acres is pretty huge, and two, there were more then a few roadblocks and gates he had set up. Its a miracle that we didnt run out of gas while we were out there. So we make it into the woods, and he has carved out a decent dirt road. We drive another 20 minutes, and he stops the humvee. "Get out, and bring the M4 with you." He didnt need to tell me twice, as the place was giving me the creeps.
We hopped out, and he lead me down a trail.
We heard drums about 300 yards ahead of us, and we ducked behind some bushes. We crept along slowly, and after 4 minutes of sneaking, we reached a small hollow. There were tents made of hide, and a fire. There were several people there, obviously native american, except they were, I dont know, wrong.

>tfw the creative writing class you took was a complete waste of time and money

File: GrimaWormtongue.jpg (55KB, 519x519px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 519x519px

>>18624308
>It took us 3 hours to get there because one, 600 acres is pretty huge

640 acres is one square mile. So 600 acres would most likely be less that a mile wide, unless it was like one really long foot wide strip of land or something.

ANYWAY it took you 3 hours to drive less than one mile???!?! The average human can walk one mile in 15 minutes.

>>18624308
DESCRIPTION INCOMING:
They were dressed in fur, not abnormal for tribal rituals, and they all had long black hair. Not one of them was female though, and they all wore blank expressions. They were all at least 7 feet tall, and over the fire was a roasting spit, but it looked like whatever had been over it had been there for 10 years, it was just a lump of carbon.
So we are sitting there, looking at them when their faces all twisted into a grimace. And they all looked straight at the bush we were hiding by.
At this point me and Dane begin the process of getting the fuck out of there. Thankfully we left the gates and shit open so getting back took us only one hour, instead of 3. So when we get back, We dismantle the gear, and put it away. Dane cracks us open a couple of beers, and he asks me, with a smug look on his face, "So. What do you think of the neighbors?" and all I can say, is a resounding what the fuck.
"Yep, thats what I said." So we sit down in the living room watching the football game on his shitty sattelite television, and what happens? His last remaining dog goes batshit. Its barking and yelping, and sounds horrible. "You have got to be kidding me, not another one". Dane rushes outside with his FAL and begins emptying the magazine. I run outside too, and one of the native dudes is carrying his huskey by the leg across the property. At this point I flip my shit and grab the M4. So we are both on the porch shooting at this thing, and it just turns around and throws the dog at us. Poor thing's leg was broken almost instantly and if that isnt bad enough, the native guy just startled cackling like a hyena, before running off and clearing the fence. We watched him go over a hill and that was the last we saw of them for a week.

>>18624348
I will provide a picture of the fucking terrain. The roads were covered in potholes, we had to replace a tire on the janky humvee, and Dane decided to place almost 40 gates across the entire property.
>>18624332
Fuck creative writing.

This is garbage, stop now.

File: 200_s.gif (30KB, 356x200px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 356x200px

>>18624277
I want to believe this

File: 6665.jpg (59KB, 560x399px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 560x399px

>>18624374
>Dane decided to place almost 40 gates across the entire property.

ONE MILE and he has 40 gates!?!?!?!?! along the road. That'd be about one gate every 130 feet. Wiki says a Humvee is 15 feet long, so about every 9 car lengths you'd stop at a new gate. Wow, that Dane! What a mad man!

>>18624396
Who cares story was getting interesting better that a fucking flat earth or succubus thread ! Op cont. Please

>>18624462
Thank you for recognizing my shitty genius.
Anyway. The dog was fucked up and tonto the forest giant had just run off. We tended to the dog as best we could but it ended up dying because of some internal trauma we couldnt help. We bury the dog, go inside, and watch the football game in somber silence. Once again, at 3:00, the power cuts. This time we are ready. Open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur.
Alright im done you fags can leave now.

You have the same prose as the person who wrote the cab driver stuff

>>18624493
Op is a fag Fuck it back to the succubus thread

>>18624493
Story was interesting. Maybe a bit too exaggerated but still a fun read. Thanks.