I cant believe its led to this. I can't sedate myself anymore.

>>18615379

Discipline yourself and embrace the life you're running away from. There is happiness in purpuse; define your own and everything else will follow.

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>reached 2k character limit.

I've been seeing a lot of triggers lately, today 2 major ones happened

LEGION came out which really resonated with me. I actually hated the show..it reminds me too miuch of my life..to many triggers on the show..to many memories..to many fantasies..

Then right before I was going to go to bed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gsGhdZDC-0

popped up right when I was about to close the youtube tab.

not sure if its a good/bad trigger.

I mean it reminded me about my current life and how I'm just going along with everything I tried so hard to resist a few years back.


Why did I resist this? a life I mean.
things make sense...I have a job...friends...sex...money...food...what more could I want?
but where is this going exactly?
what happens next? I know more drama, more money, more sex, more food...but why?

WHY?
WHY?
WHY?

Why do I want this? I thought I was here for something else...

I can barely remember...I came here for a mission... not for a life here..

I think something happened to me..I was someone else and I was trapped here... I always felt trapped but was slowly sedated but something keeps calling out to me.. It wants me to wake up but from what and where and who and what... and why...

If only I could leave my body like I did those 2 times... that felt real...it wasnt "real" like real life...it was a differnet kind of real.... I was free....if only for a few seconds...

Why do I want to give this life up? it doesnt belong to me....this isnt who I am... this isnt my body... yes it is...how dare you say that about us...we have loved you since day 1...but I cant remember since when... WHat happened to me?

who am I?
What is my purpose?

>>18615391
this is why I love 4chan...all these emotions..all this baggage and confusion...they're disregarded with a funny reaction image.

its perfect.
why would I ever leave this timeline?

Ive been here too long..I love all of this.. its familiar..I understand it...Why dont I just accept this ride? WHy do I keep wanting to change everything?

its safe...its predictable...its charming..

why would I want to ruin this system?
oh right.

everyone else doesnt live like I do... my life isnt as horrible as others...I suffer..but not as much as them....

thats why Im here right... to help them.
to free them.

How could I sleep in this comfortable bed with a perfect heat setting, lights...and someone out there... not just some one but a lot of people are in the cold...lonely...desperate...

how can I just ignore that?

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>>18615394
I've been trying...for a long time.. but its never enough.

Maybe I'm not strong enough to live a normal life like everyone else...I cant take it sometimes.. its too much and it fills me with rage but I have to turn that rage into sadness and apathy... I just can't live a life like that.


Theres joy in purpose yes...I've ran away a few times and it always makes me feel horrible and I run back into this life. mostly when I was a kid/teen and I didnt understand most things.


Now I've been forcing myself to live through it..ignore my existential autism spikes...Life got better yes..but it felt so sedating..I felt heavier spiritually...felt thorns growing around me...felt trapped....I was unhappy... It was a cycle.

I am happy, everything is great and SURPRISE everything is taken from me. its like...we're being milked... for emotions.

you cant ever be happy here...its a factory... we are being used and milked for emotions... I dont know why.. or by who but I know that all these years..all these other people that I have spoken to...its a sort of simulation..

They want us to constantly spike our emotions..everyting is given and taken to make us react and..its just wrong.


Im scared to be honest...I dont want to leave this body..this life this 4chan this internet, youtube, facebook, tumblr, movies, coffee, pizza, new york, atlanta, gay bars, cats, clothes, sweaters, computer, air, water, weekends, jobs, money, friends, mom, Eduardo, mexico, tv, phones, cars, trees, grass, anime, video games, redbull, peanuts, burgers, orgasms, beer, atlanta heretic, atlanta eagle, cumming,

I dont want to lose this.
Im scared of losing this.
when Im gone...none of that will exist anymore for me..it will be gone for ever

out of reach
all of you will be gone...I wont be able to shitpost anymore or write dumb comments...Ill be in some alternate timeline fighting for my life...and yours.. and Ill be alone and scared and I cant do taht...Im too scared

>>18615379

In this thread a mental health crisis unfolds.

No one is reading your street skid dejected mental health institute rambling OP.

>>18615463
yeah you're right, I got brain problems.

I'm surprised it took this long for it to catch up to me though,

why tonight of all nights..Im really cold atm.

I really hope its not "THE NIGHT" and Im actually dying.

I do feel a little weird but I hope not.
or maybe I already know and its why Im writing this.


I just wanted to share my thoughts...Maybe Im insane. Maybe theyre shutting me down..Maybe I finally reached spiritual peak and Im moving on..

I dont know.
anything could happen tonight.

I do feel a bit inspired.
I do wish I breakthrough tonight..


Thanks for spending these brief moments with me anon.

>>18615491

Are you a faggot molesting abuser pervert by any chance?

Might explain the coldness and emptiness, eh?

>>18615500
Dubs confirmed for OPs insatiably evil sexual preference.

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>>18615500
I just went to pee and saw that the heater was off. house temp was at 69degress

also my room is a few degress colder all the time because my window is always open


I also looked at myself in the mirror and I feel better. I love mirrors, I can always trust them. I feel real now.

disregard thread lol

>>18615491
Not entirely sure what you're getting at, but good luck.

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>>18615379
You are on the edge of finding true purpose.
You must rid the mind of doubt in order to truly belive and bring forth your desire, belifes and will to help man.
You are so close yet doubts very existance within you is holding you back.

Though we may be insane questions of the mad still need answering.
Find the truth or let it break you.
I wish you luck on your journey brother.

ITT: OP dealing with being seventeen

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>>18615519
>>18615515
nah that bitch is long gone shes trapped in the mirror


its just me now boys, all you spiritual cucks can suck my big wiggly dick

Time to burn the world down tonight yeehaw


>ty though Im sure she will appreciate the comment

not me though i dont care lol
I only lust for power

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>>18615491
Hey man, I won't write a wall of text about it, but I feel exactly as you do. You aren't completely alone

>>18615522
He seems mid 30s, prematurely bald, over weight... living with an invalid mother who collects disability and lives off the cheezits diet.

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>>18615522
ikr I should get over actualy feelings about life and focus on being a big dicked alpha

>>18615528
thank you for understanding, one of us will make it one day

>>18615529
that really triggered my autism so Ill tell you Im 23, no, yes, and no

I have a job and pay my own bills, I should be asleep by now since I got work at 7am. cant be a Neet anymore since Im an adult now

Im a wagecuck though

that might explain my mental health and urge to find the meaning in life when its right before me. I dont like it, no siree

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>>18615528
i also love that episode and that show really filled me with hope

especially the one where they replace their alternate selves in the alternate timeline and just accept it and morty gives summer the speech about just accepting death and change and just being ok with existing for a ripple in time


obviously we all want to be Ricks but someone has to be the Morty unless theres a timeline where we are all Ricks enslaved in Morty bodies or something to that regard.


anyway time for me to go to bed...or leave my body Im actually over it to be honest..

wagecucking aint easy but it has its purpose I suppose

>>18615534
your feelings on life read like some shitty The Used lyrics. Youre just going through a phase.

>>18615555
is there a way to speed things up?

how did you get over those feelings?

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>>18615561
Time. People arent born with "the answer" to anything. Just keep going. Find some healthy hobbies, try to socialize with people, and do something altruistic from time to time.

If being a wagecuck bothers you look into taking some courses at a trade school/technical college. Life isnt a race, take your time and find something you can be passionate about. If youre already convinced that everything in life sucks there isnt going to be a magic event or person that comes along and makes everything better. You just gotta work at it.

Why...do...you...write...like...a...faggot??

>>18615453
now that you're aware, it is your duty to live out your life AWARE. ending your life is proof that you were not ready or capable to live the life that you are, and you are destined to relive it until you are.

you cannot move forward through artificial death, when the time is right - your soul takes flight

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>>18615579
>>18615584
>>18615595
ok that makes sense

but

it sounds like something a spiritual cuck would say

Im getting super powers overnight fuck this timeline ayy lmao

cringiest shit on /x/ right now

>>18615421
That's why i told myself i'd stay. not for myself. for everyone else. someone has to deprogram them. i just have to figure out how to deprogram myself. i'll probably just get someone else to do it or just keep reminding myself that i need deprogramming.

>>18615529
mid 30's isn't prematurely bald. it is? it's probably due to medication then.

>>18615379
C R I N G E

>>18615379
Light banishes them;
Not like with any permanence, they can pop back in as soon as the light goes off-
But like even just like a phone flashlight will send them away momentarily

Please stop masturbating kids

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It occurs to me that I haven't toasted this bread yet.

http://pastebin.com/FXcsRFZr

3301 e v e r y w h e r e

>>18615867
Working on it.

>>18615595
Love this.

AEIOU.

3301 e v e r y w h e r e

Pure bliss in the air these days.

Pure bliss in the air this DEVS.

>>18615379
Go seek a professional, get some counselling. Sounds like you've got unresolved psychological issues which are haunting you. It gets better, anon. Wishing you all the best.

>>18615746
you're not alone

>>18615379
SNAP BACK TO REALITY
OPE THERE GOES GRAVITY