Psychedelics, Meditation and Existential Despair

I spent the next 2 years working a job and going home, content to sit in my room and listen to music. Something had changed in my brain or something after these trips and I didn't see the point in typical social relationships. This isn't to say I'm asocial. In fact, I still get along with almost anyone and people generally like me. I just don't make an effort to try to hang out with them. I'm not interested. It's almost like my sense of self, or being a person in a society is gone.

Meditating seems to only push this further and I'm happy with sitting there quietly thinking and doing nothing, only for external stimuli to eventually startle me out of this eerily tranquil state.

I'm 24 years old and I'm stuck in this existential state where nothing and everything has meaning, and I despair about it sometimes, and other times I'm perfectly ok with it. I've started looking into more occult topics with great interest and herbalism stands out to me greatly.

Anyway, to sum it up I did psychedelics and now I'm in this existential state where nothing has meaning. I've tried visiting psychiatrists who shrug it off as OCD or mild depression. The only thing that makes sense is my frequency is stuck in some obscure state that doesn't match up to anyone else's. I've tried taking antipsychotics and they make me feel numb and stupid. More people want to interact with me (when I take meds) but it's on a more basic level and gets tiring. To others I don't seem any different on the medication versus off, and two different doctors don't think I'm schizoid.

Is there some kind of paranormal way to explain this?

>>18614663

***This isn't to say gf at the time passing it up = breakup; that context was iffy. I meant after those experiences I suddenly stopped caring about relationships.

>>18614674
Do you still take anything?

Weed? or something else?

Sounds like the psychedelic did have their desired effects but how do you return when you 'know' this isn't the 'real' world to begin with and you probably think it's ok to indulge in whatever to take up your time till you're called back to that true reality. This is a mistake.

You are now the man in the marble, to you life is no longer a strain between sleeps, but a journey you must figure out, and create yourself along the way.

Switch it up to 'normal' things like hobbies and exercise, always spend time to meditate on the 'truth' as you feel it. Soon it will fade away.

>Once you realise you're a character in another person's dream; that's self awareness.

I tripped balls and believe this to be a spiritual revelation: the story.

It isn't, you just tripped balls.

I've gone through gnosis, I can tell you it consists on getting an iimpression of timelessness, feeling very light and agile, your mind expands and your intellect blossoms, you are more lucid than ever, etc.
Plus you feel a divine pressence unlike the farce you feel at church.
This is what I felt on a God given gnosis.

You certainly don't trip balls.

>>18615799
Guess what, your "gnosis" was just some weird stuff in your brain too. God isn't real.

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>>18615799
My perception shifted and I was left with the feeling of being on an unending journey of change that lasted no more or less than that of the whole of existence: the breakthrough story.

>>18615828
I'm sure the plethora of faggots that mysteriously started knowing about my belief without me telling them, but thought I was christian and started rping they were fallen angels were some change in reallity made by my brain. Those social network messages were so strong hallucinations that wouldnt go away in months, you had to erase them to "get well" :^)

Pls expend all of your energy trying to convince me.

>>18614663
Classic acid casualty. Hallucinogenics can change your thinking permanently, you and I can both relate to that, 3 hits of "acid" whatever it was (you honestly have no idea what it actually was that you took, i didn't either) sent me to the moon and showed me the world for what I remembered it to be as a child, it was like a reset button. My personality changed significantly after I took it. It was almost as if it was a coming of age, or the formation of me as a person, I had experienced true irrational terror like a rabbit in a lightning storm, and blissful security like an infant in it's mother's arms all in the course of 30 minutes, I experienced what it was like to be a plant during the day performing photosynthesis and night, I watched the sun go up and down hundreds of times out the window, I had the realization of how simple life can be, if you want it, or how complex and fragile the observation of the waves that we call "the world" are and how we don't even know what we don't actively observe, because of that one person's reality may truly be different than yours.
Before I was an introverted teenager who was fat and afraid to talk to girls, in that I learned that life is truly what you want it to be if you make a wish it WILL eventually come true if it's truly what you want, but you have to exert the energy to make it happen.
Psychedelics are not for stupid or non-philosophical people. They don't need them. Everyone else needs to do acid like one time, or no more than once in a year or two, otherwise it will turn your revelations into Timothy Leary tier rambling.

I still have occasional flashbacks (visual) 4 years after taking it
Wait another year, and stop smoking pot and you'll snap out of it or kill yourself, who knows. You did overdo it, however because you have eternity to discover the unobservable universe that surrounds us, but only like 40 to get inside that sweet sweet pussy and those delicious tits.
>you done fucked up.

OP here

>>18616145

>done fucked up

Well I have practically the same gf now but without the kids, without the crazy, and taller. We've candyflipped together once and dropped acid together a couple of times last year. I'm forgoing the acid for a while. I feel bad cause my friend took a tab of what I had on hand and a few months later slit his own throat in front of his mom. He's still alive though. I guess he couldn't handle the shit.

>>18615770

The thing is I feel like there's nothing to figure out. Life pretty much has only the meaning we each ascribe to it. Yeah it's started to fade away. I've stopped looking for signs in every day things and just kind of roll with everything. Right now my goals are to live comfortably and finish that series I'm watching on Netflix. Maybe get some certifications for a career path and try that out. If I don't like it I can just go back to what I was doing before.

>>18614663
nice girlie blog

faggot

>>18617940

Lol, puppet.

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>>18614663
I'm 22 now OP. I started messing with psychedelics heavily from 18-20. Everything started to feel more and more fake towards the latter end of things. Trees would look fake and plastic, even. I'd always have this feeling that something malignant was watching me. As if someone was perpetually in on a joke I wasn't.

I've gotten my on theories and this and that, but ultimately it doesn't really matter what I think. On a side note I spend most of my time meditating, practicing yoga, and studying things related to occultism and spirituality. It kinda gives me a closure of sort about the things i experienced on psychedelics, and just maybe even an explanation..

I know exactly what you mean about feeling like nothing and everything matters. You should read up about the dark night of the soul (originally a poem by Solomon). Hopefully this is just a part of the process.. Suicide used to be a comforting thought, but at this point nothing is. All I can do is press forward

>>18617940
Puffer.

>>18617954

I was in the same spot at 22, pretty much was dark night of the soul. 22 just kind of sucks. A couple years later I'm starting to have fun with creating my experiences. The key for me, maybe just me is to find a comfortable spot or a comfortable groove to be in while you do what you have to do to survive, and let the creative part be a side project.

>>18617982
you know i go through bipolar bouts of thinking it is the night of the soul and that at least i'm making progress on my path, but then i immediately shame myself for thinking that because this has to be just a fake front i've put on myself and that it's egotistical to think i'm going through that. I just don't listen to what my brain says anymore, it's mostly bull shit at the moment lol

>>18614665
You overdosed and the psychedelic experience traumatized your mind and dulled your life energies. Instead of opening you up to greater experience of life, the mind has closed you off to everything and made your heart untouchable in fear of the ego disappearing into nothing.

Please see you're only limiting yourself because you cannot find a meaning to giving yourself to anything. Instead of giving yourself to life, you are holding yourself back, trying to find security within yourself. But how can you hope to find meaning when life has dimensions beyond the physical existence, beyond logic? How can you hope to find security in yourself when you're heading full speed to the grave? If you were blissful right now, complete and needing nothing more, would you care what the damn purpose is? But your mind is so terrified and fears becoming lost in the dance of life.

And you should know if external stimuli can disturb your meditation, you have not even begun to meditate. When meditation happens you go past the external senses and go within. You are just sitting there quietly with your eyes closed because you have no devotion to anything, no passion to do anything, not even to meditate!

>>18614665
>Is there some kind of paranormal way to explain this?

nothing paranormal, your ego is fooling you, it's too strong

>>18618162
>>18618183

Ok, then... How can that be helped? Meditation, exercise..?

>>18618183
>>18618162

OP here this is what's going on with me

"In the disease of addiction, the ego is the great enemy and it identifies with our spiritual experience and takes the credit as its own. This is like when people say someone is speaking to people from a ‘spiritual hilltop’.

Egoic Spirituality is when the very structure of our egoic personality becomes deeply embedded with spiritual concepts and ideas. The result is an egoic structure that grows far beyond control, and justifies itself through spiritual concepts.

When the ego becomes spiritualized, people think they are unassailable to help, new input, or constructive feedback from peers. They believe they embody spiritual concepts, take pride in all spiritual growth, and hold it over the heads of others. Plainly put, Egoic spirituality makes a person think they are better than everyone on a spiritual level, and puts them in a position to be a judge of others."

Especially relevant with the part about addiction. I'm physically dependent on prescribed speed.

>>18618274
create more

>>18615947
Not that anon, but you honestly just sounds like a man at a crisis point in life. Hope you work it out man and best of luck.

Hey OP. Some good replies already.

First, you are young to be expecting to figure it all out.

Second, the stuff above about the ego is spot on. When you begin the process of integrating or dissolving or healing the ego, it reacts, to dissociate you from those things in your life which will help continue the process.

Because of this, you need to start to explore what real, grounded spirituality looks like. Look at nurses tending the dying, priests in an inner city, aid workers in some African shithole; ordinary everyday things, a mother looking after a child, someone keeping their temper in a stressful situation. Compassion.

So third, you need your connection to people more than ever right now. The voice you are hearing is an illusion trying to keep you separate. It's what the ego does, it is what it is, separateness. This is the 'dark night of the soul', the 'void'. Your current feelings don't indicate that you are special, only that you are at a special place in your journey. How quickly you get through this place of separateness and suffering is up to you. Nobody is special, there are just people who do special things.

Fourth, if you smoke weed, stop. It will keep you where you are.

So what do? Be with people. Don't be a dick with them. Keep this stuff to yourself unless you find someone who you know will understand. Most won't. This will help emotionally. Do something physical in terms of exercise, and do something for the mind, read and study. Particularly people like Elizabeth Kubler Ross who worked with the dying, for example.

Tl;dr, you are at a point in a process. Remember it's a process and work to get through it.

>>18617929
>we candyflipped together
Dude I can tell you've done so much shit that you didn't do psychedelics for an epiphany you just wanted to see pretty colors, and that's where you went wrong.
Now regular life sucks, congrats.
If it doesn't come out of the ground or walk around, don't fucking eat it. I came up with that while I was on acid. Stay away from fucking stimulants you junkie. The E is what fucked your head because that's what it does.

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Psychedelic. The word means mind manifesting
get your lifestyle refined, get exercise, proper sleep, good diet, time restricted eating. Health and peace of mind. Then once you can maintain, then start worrying about inter dimensional stuff

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>>18619416
This is the best advice in the thread. Especially the bit about weed; been there.
> a point in a process
I like this

>>18614665
i know the feeling. Find what you love, or people you vibe with.

>>18618213

In exactly the same situation. What helped me some is to ask myself WHY I wanted to be social. Apart from the obvious societal pressure I found I had no real reason. I am completly content with where I am. And the small need for social contact that remains gets satisfied by doing my hobbies and by my closest friends and family contacting me.

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Dont go back to that room, /x/

>>18614663
You took the red pill. Now you gotta find the door.
Read up on some fringe logic, go to fringechan.org, start with the kybalion and maybe this https://www.mediafire.com/folder/5jbvucjd1cyq8/
There are some traps for stupid people, take it like you would philosophical texts, don't assume everything is entirely correct. These texts are made to make you think. You've come in contact with infinity.

>>18615799

You seem totally enlightened and qualified to give advice on this topic.

>>18620228
that image is not that scary but is malicious. what the fuck did you do

>>18614665
I know the state you're talking about. It's pretty difficult to describe.

>>18620228
I'd like to replicate the technique
I worked once on a school project I've dubbed the glitch art generator. It's rather basic but I've added more effects to it over time

>>18620751
original pic of a pupper, crop about 45% from the left and use it to create vertical symmetry. Darken eyes then apply a glitch process that I haven't figured out yet, but I'll implement it when I have the time.

>>18617954
You got drug induced depersonalization bud