What am I messing with?

The first occurrence happened maybe 10 months ago, some time around March last year. I had been having almost no luck with getting my shit together after a hard break up the previous year.

Couldn't work, could barely even wake up really, I was making a minimal amount of money writing which was enough to pay for my alcohol habit that I'd been picking up almost exclusively. Despite all this, I had been meditating a lot during the mornings and evenings to cope with my anxiety. Not as a spiritual device.

On a particular, we can call it a morning but the reality is I'd been up the past 18 hours (not that different from today actually), I was drinking fairly heavily and eventually decided to meditate to cope with some hefty negative emotions I was dealing with. I was completely and utterly physically and mentally drained as I began this and a sort of vision overcame me.

It started with a massive staff with the two snakes swirling up it like you see at the hospitals, the color I can't remember, but it was all I could see inside my head for a time with no other thoughts coming through. It felt sort of like I was in a loading screen. Like something in my head was being booted on.

After this faded I was greeted with two visions of myself:

I was laid out hungover and miserable on the floor of this junkie girl's house I'd been seeing and staying with sometimes. What was odd about it is I could taste the whiskey on my breath down to the brand, Jameson, within the vision and feel my brain pulsating in pain along with the dryness of my mouth.

The other was much less vivid, it was just a still shot of me wearing khakis and a red Hawaiian button up in some tiny beach bungalow in where I somehow knew was South Florida and I was supporting myself with my writing. Don't know how I knew these things but I knew both these facts at once when I saw the image.

After these two visions one final image appeared. It started at the roots of a giant tree. Sort of a laurel tree, one giant trunk and a big bushy top to it. It slowly panned up and along the trunk were two giant gold rings along it. There was movement as the rings spun rapidly around the trunk but the rest of the tree was still.

I snapped out of this trance fairly confused, but knowing I much preferred the second scene of myself in the red Hawaiian. I sat for a few minutes and pondered what had just happened and closed my eyes again to attempt to see if anything else would occur.

A voice, not one I recognized and yes I am well aware how schizoid this sounds, came to me and introduced itself as Eris. I do not and have not studied Grecian religions and at the time was only vaguely familiar with that particular deity or the other symbolism that is now quite apparent in the visions as being Grecian in nature.

I call it a voice, but it's more just thoughts and images. I speak to it with my voice within my head, but it responds with just vague ideas. If that makes any sense.

So that's how I've been treating these past 10 months. I get an idea, be it almost anything from random waitresses and bartenders I want to be with to what many have called incredible social achievements that for some reason I can just knock out with ease now.

You'd think I was lieing if I told you some of the shit I've done just in the past 10 months. The caveat to this is whenever I struggle against an idea that pops in my head things seem to go sour pretty quickly for me. I end up right back in my depressed place I was in, broke and alcoholic and alone for the most part, with literally everything falling apart around me.


I'm currently in a state like that now, which I guess is why I'm posting. I still have the "voice" and it's telling me what I should do to fix this. It's not like asking for bad things, it's more career paths and people to associate with or things to write about or pictures to paint. That tree image has become a bit of a tag I use as well either drawing or graffiti or what have you as it just pops in my head sometimes and I feel the need to scribble it down.

Something strange has been manifesting in my sleeping hours though lately that I'd never experience with anywhere near this regularity before. That is extremely vivid dreaming and sleep paralysis. Almost every night. I am almost always paralyzed and still dreaming upon awakening and almost always very real feeling. The issue with this is that the dreams feel VERY life like, down to being able to feel pain in them without waking up.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine at her house in one of the dreams where I told her about my problems sleeping and I told her to hit me to see if I was sleeping. She did, I felt it, and I continued to live in the dream world like it was real life.

There's more to this story, but this is long as hell already and most of it would just be describing various larger than life events that have occurred around and because of me this past year. It's been fairly awesome to be honest, but currently it's not.

So I guess my question is what the fuck is going on? Am I going schizoid or am I tapping into some kind of subconscious part of my brain? Is it just giving my instinct a voice? Should I trust it? What the fuck is up with the Grecian parts of it all? And should I continue tapping into this?

>>18583316
The greeks of that time are awesome according to me.

I read somewhere a god got possesed/seduced by hades and someone got turned in to a spider for speaking ill in context against some type of god or god like being.

My advice research but be careful. Make sure you go to a church regularly just in case you are being taunted by evil forces due to affiliations or preferences you might have.

The same way someone can be a mascot, is the same way a black guy pretending to not be evil while using tulpas that look greek to destroy you is a possibility.

>>18583334
>The same way someone can be a mascot, is the same way a black guy pretending to not be evil while using tulpas that look greek to destroy you is a possibility.


Not following you here, unsure what this line means. I'm really not versed in occult at all. Which is partially why all this has been strange to me.

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>>18583316
have these answers led to desirable outcomes?

>>18583342
Dont get possessed. Dont fall for traps.

>>18583345
Mostly, yeah, at the time what I want to happen tends to occur. Sometime's it feels a bit monkey-paw-esque, but that's pretty much solely with the relationships I end up in and that's just the nature of that sort of thing.

>>18583342
IT MIGHT BE A TRAP GO TO CHURCH. SPIRITS MIGHT BE REAL STUDY THE OCCULT AFTER INVOKING HEAVEN ITSELF.

>>18583358
Roger

The door to my room just opened when i was about to respond to this. Not joking. Hoping I just didn't close it all the way? That was kind of fucked up.

>>18583363
Surrender yourself to the negative energies.

>>18583368
gonna get a devil in me that way

>>18583361
Then just go with the flow anon, if it hasn't steered you wrong then it's probably your sub-conscious.
The fact you saw the tree should act as more proof, try for some good karma like giving homeless some change if you're feeling uneasy about the answers.

or as the other anon stated
>go to church

Good luck anon, don't forget the happy thoughts. All you need is happy thoughts.

>>18583381
Thanks yo.

That means a lot more than you know.

>>18583375
It's all so much

I am in a similar situation as you OP, plagues by visions in my dreams and STRANGE life, where everything that happens is an omen or just ODD

What is going on? Who knows? Maybe Cern is fucking up thing and we all have to live with it, maybe kek has something to do with it. Perhaps the end times.

It's all just too much, I can't think of anything without seeing the Grand energy behind it, a band becomes a magical energy and a movie a sacred story..

I am so tired.

>>18583385
I tend not to feel so dramatic about it, but yeah it is a lot like that.

Rationalization only goes so far with it all when things are consistently strange and improbable.

But, that's sort of what is interesting about what's been going on in my head. It's just basically telling me to embrace all the weird shit and chaos that we're not getting explanations for and ride it to glory.

Seems to be working. Ain't calling it supernatural necessarily, but it fits aspects of it.