Explain my life, /x/

Part II:

>8 1/2ish
>I dream that me and my family are prisoners in a dark blue cave
>Creatures with fur like long, wispy hair take my sister away
>After a few dream days, they return her to us
>She has been beheaded, yet still lives
>She cannot see, hear or respond, and when I peer inside her neck I see black oil slosh about and her esophagus and spine sticking out from the liquid
>When we try to get her to sit, she falls over and the oil spills out of her
>The creatures rush over and pick her back up, pouring more of the black ooze in her neckhole
>I see them kicking her head around a fire, and then I wake up

>9
>In this dream, I find myself standing before an unholy shrine, pale and white as thr moon, at the top of a barren hill.
>The base is covered in bramble like barbed wire, and above the thorns are hundreds of dead children skewered by pikes at least eighty feet long
>As I approach, the bodies become animated and begin to pull or rip themselves off the pikes and begin coming after me
>I run away, but cannot escape until a being as bright as the sun turns all to daylight

Part III

This was the last of my dark dreams for a time. Then, at the age of 12, I was attacked while awake in my bed by a shrouded being darker than night itself. Its touch was colder than ice and it was breathing my life into itself. Only after I broke free of its grip did it disappear.

Later, at 14, I had a dream where I was trapped in a ruined apartment building. The stairs worked like an elevator, only it raised and lowered the floors, not the staircase, as the world outside remained level. I was being hunted by a massive man with a face I couldn't see and a dead girl with pale skin and long, stringy hair. In the dream, I was trapped in there for decades, unable to escape or find the exit. If I came across the man, he would rush at me, if I came across the girl, I would be unable to breathe or feel anything except pure dread and mad terror.

When I finally found the door, I was able to wake up, where I found my sheet wrapped tightly around my neck.

I could go on with what I experienced later, but first I want to see what you make of what I experienced before you could say I became influenced by entertainment. "Too much tv, that's your problem", you might be inclined to say if I told you what I experienced after entering the world. But as far as I can remember, my daily life was pure and wholesome, because I was practically raised in a monastery.

OP, I'll write up some assessments. Hope you get a few bites on this, it's p good. The thing is, this board is slow rn and dream stories are pretty common--anyway I'll write something up hang on

Well, here is what I think. Seeing the different Gods beforehand, as well as the Deal with Death/Deal with the devil whatever it is... These things I believe are manifestations of internal moral struggle.

This is a lot of what I think significant dreams are. Being born into Christian morality, with a normal inquisitive child's mind, you are set up to fail. Depending on the severity of your upbringing, any questioning or desire for other spiritual forces in life will be perceived by the subconscious self as sin.

These dreams are manifestations of you integrating your creative spiritual self with that Christian morality, which is also valid. Turning gods into demons, as it were.

The most significant one is the deal-with-death. It is a manifestation of a fear of sin.

Also, you are afraid of failing your sister, and this is tied up with a fear of sin.

The ultimate message is that your inner life is valid, it can't be repressed, and is not against God. It's all about psychological integration.

>>18501102
Very interesting, but what about what happened later?

>>18501972
The sheet wrapped around your neck? That is of interest. I think it means, both in dreamworld and literally, a challenge to you to rise to your potential and to believe that you are good.

It's all about moral self-image. You, in your dreams, are your moral self-image.

The reason I use the good and evil paradigm here is because I get a sense that that is what is going on in your head. If you are choking yourself in your sleep, or your spirits are choking you, it means that you can't say, live, or breathe what you are. You can't express what you are.

The idea is to believe that what you are is good and to express it. Integrate that.

>>18502025
It wasn't a dream, though. I woke up to find it very nearly choking me.

Same with the being at 12 years old, I was awake for that one too. It came again for me when I was 16, that time ripping me from my body and turning the night into a rusted, dull, sepia day that shone through my curtains. I was pinned to the wall, then my ceiling, then thrust through the ceiling into a dark void. I don't remember what happened after that.

Then another time, it came for me in my college dorm. I thought my roommate had opened the door, but when I looked up it rushed me, turning into a black wind that roared about me before I fell unconscious.

Later still, at a hotel spending vacation with the family, I was dragged by darkness from my bed, sinking lower and lower into the floor, unable to cry to my parents for help. I was enveloped in darkness until I woke up back in my bed again.

But in every occasion I never once felt as if I had fallen asleep or gone somewhere else, or even blinked for that matter, it was as if I had lied awake until reality contorted into waking nightmare.

As I said, these happened after I started becoming introduced to the world and long after me and planet earth became friends with benefits, so it's harder to know how pure the experiences were.

What I do know is that I had unfathomably gory and graphic dreams as a kid even though I was sheltered as fuck and had no human way of conceiving such mutilation in a strictly Monkey-See, Monkey-Imitate dynamic.

And then later, I would be visited in bed by a terrifying being of darkness and power that would physically assault me and then rip me from my body, a being which may have been the same that placed me on the column.

It all feels like a well ordered series of events, but I don't know the who, why and how of it.

I was kind of hoping /x/ could tell me what manner of beings or reality I am dealing with to be honest, because looking back I feel like my whole life has been a Freddy Kreuger film.

>>18502112
Fascinating. The thing about /x/ is that it is slow, you might get few responses but they might actually be really good.

So you are on a spiritual journey. Investigate your own power. I only urge you to be good.