Gastrointestinal Distress

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>>18493482
>go against the advice of doctors
>comes to /x/

lol, wtf

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>>18493482
9 out of 10 modern witch doctors agree

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>brown magic
I've just released some brown magic

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>>18493490
>goes to /x/
>for stomach cramps

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>>18493482
Best way to cure digestive issues. Best way to cure anything.

Seriously, 'alternative' medicine is bogus as shit. May as well eat cat fur and masturbate in a closet for all the good its going to do you.

>>18493482
Garlic, lemon, take a shower every day, less dairy.

This is one for /fit/, not /x/

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OP wants to know about some doodoo hoodoo

>>18493522
Maybe we can take a shower together?!

>>18493482
lorazepam in water, investigate this

>>18493580
Poodoo voodoo?

>>18493482

http://www.kefir.net/what-is-kefir/

>>18493482
Is brown magic poop magic?

You have a midget living in your stomach. Try coaxing it out with money and fig newtons.

>>18493482
>>18493522

Rule #1
>never, never, ever, never skip a meal, even if you have to choke down some liquid meal, trust me.
If this is the issue for you, it can be tough, but you have to train your body for that shit. This was one of my main issues as a teenager, to the point of being in and out of the hospital from ripping up my esophagus cause I'd be nauseated/puking 24/7, it's hard to eat at that point, but weed helps and once you get your body regulated and you can eat like a regular human, you'll find yourself not so digestionally distressed.
Rule #2
>Drink your proper amounts of water

>Protip #1
Pick up some omeprezol magnesium (or Prilosec) at your local pharmacy or drugstore and take the usual 14-day course that comes in the bottle, see if that helps out. Even if you don't feel that your issues are heartburn-related, it helps with any ulcers you may have causing you pain. Just careful taking it too long, cause it'll leech the calcium out of you for prolonged use.
>Protip #2
If you feel that your issues are heartburn-related, stock up on your Tums, man. I used to dig the Smoothies, mint only, fuck fruit flavors.
>Protip #3
Get a bag of hemp seeds and just sprinkle that shit on everything, pizza, Cap'n Crunch, momma's homeovened tendies, whatever floats your boat, it's important to get nutrition even if you're just gonna half ass it, better than nothing
May you find your way on the path to nutritional enlightenment, the basis for solving all problems, be they physical, mental, or spiritual. Good luck and many gains.

>>18493482

... You're not even listing what your issues are. 'digestive issues/gastrointestinal distress' is a GIGANTIC category. It's as if you just asked for a remedy for 'not moving well' - come on, man, if you're going to try this out, at least make a goddamn effort. If you've been this goddamn vague with doctors, then it's no surprise you've had no success. But let's assume you haven't been, and you've just not gotten lucky. Still. The point remains. You can't ask for a fix without explaining what your problem is.

Also, you may have just had -ahem- shitty luck with doctors. Sometimes it takes a bunch before they figure out what the issue is, if it's something more esoteric, or bizarre for your age group, or what have you.

> brown magic
I will not deny that I lul'd, given the context.

>>18493482
Could try a cleanse or water fast for a few days to flush anything harmful out of your system, then slowly work in food again that's healthy. Junk food gives me the shits.

>>18493482
Also try to get your digestive microbes in order.

>>18495121
OP doesn't have kidneys now?

>>18493482
Tell me what your signs and symptoms are. That would be a good start

>>18493482
you need to practice spirit shitting

>>18495124
Yeah, make all those little fuckers get in a line, that'll teach em. Preferably smallest to largest, or youngest to oldest or something like that, but that may take a while because they're gonna be unruly little bastards at first.

Take one Prilosec 20mg pill twice a day (morning/evening)

>>18493482
Consider eating a better diet with more fruits and lean meats, fiber and wheat too. Stay away from other drinks and lean mainly towards water. Just stick to that and see what happens.

>>18494949
Thanks dude

>>18493482
Chug some hydrogen peroxide, it'll detox your chakras and fix whatever the problem is.

>>18495521
OP here, just tried this and it works like a charm. Recommended.