Home-Brew Stories

>be me in past life
>be driving Edsel
>wife is giving me a bunch of shit because I drink myself unconscious every night and she thinks our cat is possessed
>cat is in the back, we are going to see the exorcist
>cat was born with thumbs
>notice cat has managed to operate the mechanism on the cat carrier and has become loose
>turn head
>feel impact on the front of the car
>look back and cat is in carrier, door shut
>wtf.meow
>she must have been hiding in the shadows at the back of the cat carrier
>suddenly hear a voice in my head
>instinctively sense it is the cat's voice
>"This is for being an alcoholic"
>nope.tiff
>get out of car and check road
>it's a dead goat
>seven weeks later die of brain aneurysm
>enter bardo
>cat is there
>tells me my next life will be as a goat so I cannot drink alcohol
>understand the wisdom of this proposal and thank cat
>cat becomes compassionate and tells me that I will be born as a wealthy goat in Argentina
>prostration to cat
>wake up
>imagoat.jpg
>live a wealthy life, eating many hay
>forget about my wife, forget about the temptations of alcohol
>owner dies
>leaves me to her son who shops at Hot Topic
>oh fug im about to be sacrificed
>pray to cat
>cat appears to me in a vision
>"do not worry my child, /x/ will save you"

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>>18433455
>be me, a couple months ago
>making all-grain BIAB oatmeal stout
>let the mash temperature creep too high, worry about denaturing the enzymes so there's no sugar to ferment
>cool it down, dump in some more oatmeal and give it an extra half hour for good measure
>also dump in some sugar to make sure there's something to ferment
>also dump in a cup of spicy organic hot chocolate powder because why not I've already ruined it
>a week later, holy shit there's an inch and a half of yeast on the bottom already
>rack into a secondary
>get another inch of yeast
>bottle and carbonate
>2 weeks later, try some...
>it actually tastes really good, strong enough to knock me on my ass, but no head retention.

>>18433695
>>18433567
I realised how I fucked up, I meant home made scary stories.

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>>18433695
You need a brand my friend.

Be me and not talk shit to Bloody Mary.