I Shouldn't Be Alive

>>18304015
Well there's one story from when I was about four or five years old. I had an infection that had spread to my brains, or something like that. My fever was about 42 degrees celcius (fuck Fahrenheit).

What I remember most about my illness is that one day, I saw myself lying in my parent's bed with my mother trying to wake me up. "Anon, wake up. Please wake up, Anon!" And after her almost breaking down in tears, I woke up, back in my body.

I am a sceptic when it comes to things like this, but this really was an out-of-body experience.

I don't remember it but when I was two I briefly drowned at the beach. A lifeguard brought me back.

>>18304015
My family always tells me I was struck by lightning in my teens, but I have absolutely no memory of it whatsoever.

Even if it did happen, there's no burns or anything so it couldn't have been a direct hit.

As a kid visiting the Grand Canyon in Arizona, I almost slipped right off a gravelly ledge to my death.

Was literally an inch away from falling into a lethal tumble down a very rocky sheer cliff.

...Sometimes I wish it would've just ended right there...

Back when I was in the USAF we had our base locked down due to a quarantine, the first few people who got sick fell into a coma and died within a few days.

A week after we locked down they found me passed out in a closet with a 107 degree temp, tested me positive for the "virus".

For the next month I was locked in a bunker and told to take medication (which I secretly didn't ), and of the 350 people infected I was one of 30 who didn't die.

This isn't the first time I've been gravely ill, but definitely the worst, ever since I've embraced the inevitability that we all die, I watched so many guys die in a situation with no hope, and I walked out just fine.

>>18304502
Sauce on what virus it was.

Do you think they dosed you with the virus anon. To see results of what would happen in the field.

>>18304519
We were never told, the symptoms were really close to the Pneumonic Plague but with an added dose of passing out randomly.

I think the dosed us, yes. I was informed about 3 years later that it was my duty to the U.S. to immediately report if I got sick afterwards and quarantine myself, as well I was told the Department of Health was looking into what happened to raise a lawsuit against the AF, but a few weeks later I got an official letter then a phonecall from an unidentified general telling me "all the files had disappeared, and your social was stolen so we're gonna put you on free Identity Theft Protection for at least 5 more years".

It's crazy shit but this was all 10 years ago and I've had a pretty fucking crazy life, so it's not something I really try to dig into.

>>18304092
Fuck, CPR? That was probably the biggest relief of that lifeguard's life. They know firsthand that it fails all too often.

>>18304015
Didn't almost die, but I was attacked by a time travel cohesion. What was really weird about it is that reality didn't dissolve like you'd expect it to. I seriously had aliens, time travelers, AI, governments and just about everything that can possibly hold a grudge after me and none of them were able to do anything at all. What's paranormal about it isn't so much that it happened, but what didn't happen. What's paranormal about it for me is the fact that, while parallel dimensions and magic and so on are real and this attack proved it, not even an entire universe was able to interrupt it.

My perception of reality casts a veil so thick that nothing can possibly penetrate it. In that moment, I became aware that physics was my paranormal effect on reality. More precisely, that is what I was made to decide. Welcome back to the veiled world of Earth: Population SEVEN BILLION.

>>18304502
Was this around 1989 or shortly after?

Shot myself in the head at age 14 bullet followed a dent in my skull and just knocked me out for 6 hours and caused bleeding, almost drowned twice and fell off my roof while putting out a chimney fire once broke 12 ribs and almost collapsed a lung. Who knows what else when I was 7-13 I used to sleep walk because of bad depression from my gma dying. I've woke up in trees mostly but that was 9+ years ago so nothing recently other than a narrowly missed car accident almost hitting a cow at 75+mph

>>18305215
we was gods they r scared of us awaking

>>18304015
Mother drove herself to hospital with me in tow during the winter. Black ice, bad weather conditions, snow.

Could have died, she almost got into an accident.

Age 3, almost touched an exposed live wire from a downed telephone pole in the neighborhood.

Age 4, could have split my head open while playing with toys (Hotwheels). Could have been kidnapped by a stranger while at an amusement park- quick thinking made me follow family after they left me standing at a venue while someone tried to grab my hand and pull me away from them.

Age 5, almost died in a plane crash. Almost died from ingesting a little bit of sand from a sandstorm. Almost was shot by a stray bullet in Cuba.

Age 6. saw school bus ignite on road with mother, directly in front of us while she was driving. Bus could have exploded, could have been hurt. Was playing with friends on a field trip to a local escarpment, almost ran/fell/stepped off the face of a cliff into a quarry.

Age 7, almost hit by lightning twice on same day. Saw ball of lighting about an arm's length and a half away from me.

Age 8, almost drowned.

Age 10, almost fell from banisters of stairs while trying to climb them from the opposite side of the staircase. Caught myself somehow before I hit the ground.

Age 12, almost pinned by mechanical doors on elevator after it malfunctioned.

Age 16, tried to kill myself twice. Failed both times, dry drowning and overdose. Fell asleep and was miles away from home while on public transit, had to walk all the way back in the hot sun, with no money and no phone battery- got home by memory only.

>>18305269
Age 17, tried to kill myself once. Fork connected to copper coiling plus socket. Somehow managed to start a fire instead of electrocute self, put fire out immediately for many reasons.

Age 19, got shafted by public transit, had to take alternative means to get home in the evening. Resulted in more confusion and delay, turned evening into night. Did not have adequate weather protection. It was cold. I almost earned hypothermia. I had to make my way through several bad neighborhoods. Had to stay late out at night once, no public transit available after midnight, had to walk home through another route, down several freeways, and past several wooded areas and private properties to get home. One of my ankles was blistered, could have been a 5 km walk/brisk stroll in the middle of November.

Age 20, did not see car coming when going through a turn during the night. Could have completely fused with it, somehow got away with making the turn within an inch of my life.

>>18304015
>barley
The word is barely. B A R E L Y. Notice it has an "e" in it, that is important because it distinguishes it from the cereal grain you inbred nitwit. Fuck!

>>18305273
God wants you around for something

>>18305288
>the cereal grain you inbred nitwit
*the cereal grain, you inbred nitwit.

"You inbred nitwit" requires a comma before it because blahblahblah i have a tiny dick blahblahblah english degree etc.

>>18304015
I went to india

>>18305288
you made me poor a bowl of corn flakes

just this month i joked on a piece of steak and my face started to get purple, i couldn't breath, felt like i was passing out, my mother ran to me yelling my name like i was about to die until i stuck my hand down my thoat and ripped the steak out. she cried, thought it was it for me.

>>18305273
Don't breed, natural selection has failed you

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>14
>scouting out tree to build a deer stand in
>find one
>no lower branches to climb up
>nearby tree does though
>climb tree
>use a hatchet to increase reach and clear small branches
>get to a spot where I can jump to the next tree
>figure I can jump, hook the hatchet on an higher branch, and use my other hand on a lower branch to pull myself up
>jump
>hook lower branch
>look for an out
>can't pull up
>dangling from tree
>15' to the ground
>fuck it
>let go and land
>pat the dirt and dust off me
>something hits the back of my head
>look down
>hatchet fell out and hit me on the back of the head
>thank god the handle hit me
>mfw a series of retarded choices almost left me dead in the woods with my own hatchet embedded in the back of my skull

>18
>still living at home
>sister gets sick
>didn't care at the time
>couple days later
>go to work
>feel freezing cold
>wear winter jacket, jack up heat in car all the way
>check temp when I arrived
>only 45 (pretty warm at that time of the year)
>shivering
>sit under heat duct
>boss says I can't just sit down like that, recommends I drink hot water
>do so
>feels a little better
>then I feel hot
>I'm sweating
>go to bathroom and see I'm pale as a ghost, feel cold to the touch and am sweating like it's 110
>boss grabs me and says I have to go home, don't even come in the next day
>in retrospect I shouldn't have driven home in that state
>get home
>strip off clothes as I walk to my bed
>leave jacket, hoodie and shoes just laying in the hallway
>head hits pillow
>I go out hard
>only wake up to drink and piss
>had about something teen number of dreams
>only remember one
>playing with little black balls
>they multiply crazy quick
>cover my entire arm
>cover my entire body
>fill my room
>fill my house
>spread like fire and left hopeless
>everything is swallowed in darkness
>my first fever dream
>freak the fuck out of me
>wake up 2 days later
>wonder why nobody in my family thought a doctor should see me

>>18304015

>At big resort, water park and aquariums and all
>I'm an adventurous little fuck
>on a "lazy river" type ride
>decide fuck it, climb over a ledge at some point
>than another, and another
>sorta realize I've found myself in an area I really shouldn't be but too young to care/fully grasp it
>Finally pull myself up over some ledge and on the other side I can see shark fins
>I'm over the shark feeding tank
>my older brother appears almost out of nowhere and pushes me over towards the safe side of the pool
>so scared, takes what feels like hours to get back to my family
>tell my brother thank you and I'm sorry
>he doesn't know what I'm talking about

Either I imagined the whole thing, I owe some stranger my life, or my brother was too proud to admit that he helped his younger brother out, either way, I'm grateful.

>>18304487
More context please?

>>18305269
Stray bullet in Cuba? What barrion were you in lmao

>>18306245
Holy shit

>>18305215
I almost killed myself struggling to understand how someone can actually post something this autistic

>>18305909
>natural selection
>not killing me
>implying my offspring will be fixed by the same natural selection that failed to kill me

Sound logic there.

>>18305269
>>18305273
What the fuck? Who has a list this gay
I might as well post a fucking date log of every time I've been in a fucking car and say "well some car could've x"

>>18306212
bruh, what kind of family doesnt call a doctor for something like that

I flipped my car blackout drunk and high on cocaine into a small meadow at 60 mph along a stretch of road that was otherwise thick with trees immediately off the road for three miles in either direction of where I was.

I still can't shake the feeling that somewhere in another three or four universes I was instantly killed or saved and hooked up to a feeding tube for the rest of my life.

>>18306594
>>18304015
>I Shouldn't Be Alive

I encourage you to wrap wiring around your arm, tie it to a fork, and jiggle the fork inside an electrical socket.

>>18305215
check out doc strange up in this bitch

>>18306617
Yeah and you apparently tried that and fucking failed you autistic shitlord buy a gun next time and do us all a fucking favor faggot

>>18306628
No thanks. Part of the OP asks how any of these things affected the anon in question.

I personally stopped being as much of a faggot as you're being right now.
>getting this triggered over things that didn't happen to you

This just happened to me a couple days ago

>430AM
>taking trash out
>dumpster is fenced in on three sides, can't see the opening from the way I approach it
>always a little paranoid and cautious but something was making me feel really nervous
>random bits of trash out in front of the fence opening
>trash is usually strewn about but not that far out
>turn corner into fence opening
>motherfucking raccoon halfway out of dumpster
>leaps out and lunges at me then scuttles behind dumpster
>know he can't get out so he's still back there
>toss trash into dumpster
>noise scares him so he jumps on dumpster, which scares me because I didn't expect an aerial attack
>he makes some weird little chattery sound then leaps the fence
>runs the direction of my apartment and then stands in front of the steps
>he just paces, staring at me
>stare back
>stuck because we are both where the other wants to be
>eventually he paces too close to a storm drain and slips in
>hear him tumble and rustle around down there
>give the drain a wide berth as I go back inside

Fucker almost gave me a heart attack, but luckily I am still alive. The experience didn't really change me; I still take the trash out.

when I was in 8th grade, I survived a suicide attempt. a few hours later on that same day, someone from that school killed himself.
I dont tell people this because the one time I did i was accused of "using his death for attention"
but it happened, i shit you not

>>18307120
Lol!

>>18304015
>Friend from Australia is visiting
>We go swimming in a river with other friends
>He gets picked on by some cunts who want his beer
>He's walking over the bridge
>They confront him
>Our group is too far away
>One throws a punch
>We start running to back him up
>It's 4 against one
>He holds out
>One of the guys picks up a chunk of stone and smacks him in the head
>Pushes him over the railing into the river
>They freak and run
>We're losing our minds
>Dive in and search for him
>Can't see him and he hasn't surfaced
>Weakest swimmer calls for ambulance
>It's going to take too long to arrive
>After about 7 minutes, hear splashing
>"CUNTING FUCK"
>He crawls out of the river, about 50 yards downstream
>Blood streaming from his head
>Furious
>We try to get him to sit down
>He's ranting about killing and fucking the corpses of the guys who, in all fairness, tried to kill him
>Goes over and rips a short pole with a concrete base straight out of the ground
>We follow him through the woods in the direction the guys ran
>Find them smoking in a car lot
>They see him and scramble to get in the car
>He takes off faster than any of us can run
>Launches himself at the windshield
>Uses his bludgeon to blast through
>Managed to hit the passenger straight in the face
>Car takes off
>He's still clinging to it, screaming
>Still trying to get in
>They clip a tree
>Low branch snags his leg
>Yanked off
>Gets right back up as we reach him
>Coated in blood
>Bludgeon is fucking dripping with the passenger's blood
>We manage to calm him down
>Take him to emergency
>Gets cleaned up and stitched back together
>A few days later, he takes off a bandage and he's already almost completely healed
>Heals up perfectly, incredibly quickly, with no scars

7 minutes underwater with a serious head injury, followed by another head injury and he survives with a few cuts and bruises.

>>18304015
>Camping next to the beach with my sister and her friends
>Have a small crush on one friend
>He spent the day setting up camp, digging out a fire pit and seats made of soil
>Enjoying my first beer around the fire as the sun goes down
>Sister set up wooden stakes around the fire so we could use them as roasting spits
>Get up to have another drink
>Sister trips me as a joke
>Fall straight onto one of the stakes and then roll onto the fire
>Feel intense pain, then burning for a brief moment
>Crush sprung into action and yanked me out of the fire
>Barely able to keep my eyes open as everyone rushes me to the car
>Catch a glimpse of the stake embedded in my stomach
>Wake up in the car
>Crush is holding me
>We're covered in blood and he's keeping pressure on my wound
>He can't keep me awake
>Makes me sing with him
>Remember him stroking my hair and gripping my hand tight, trying to get me to sing Queen
>Can see him forcing a smile, trying to calm me down
>Hear a crash and feel a weight all over me
>Sister crashed the car into an ambulance at the hospital
>Crush saw it coming and shielded me
>Carries me over to a gurney slipping all over my blood
>Pass out and wake up post-op in a hospital bed
>Sister is trying to open her microwave dinner
>Crush is singing in Irish to me, whittling a luck charm for me

>Later find out I'd clipped multiple organs, but managed to avoid piercing all of them
>Bleeding was so severe they arranged for a chaplain
>Singing and holding me was probably the only thing keeping me from dying of shock
>Crush convinced everyone to leave the stake in until we got to the hospital, saving me from bleeding out

>>18304487
Are you me

>>18305232
Why aren't you dead

>friend's birthday at a bar
>karaoke
>shots, shots, shots
>should have taken a cab
>made it home fine, did not hit anything or anyone
>pass out on couch and vomit all over myself
>bf find me at 3 am passed out/covered in puke
>could've fuckin died several ways because I was a reckless idiot

>>18305889
Underrated post

You almost died of lameness for posting this post you post modern post hole.

>>18307830
Yes.

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>>18304015
My ex shot himself in the head with his fathers handgun. Instead of the bullet actually entering his
skull and severing his brainstem, it went into the skin and was carried downwards by its velocity, effectively travelling between his skull and skin, tearing tissue. It was only a .22WMR, but I've killed coyotes with headshots from a .22LR, so I don't know.He's just as fine as he's always been.

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>>18307989
>I've killed coyotes with headshots

>>18308000
Rural SC. Overpopulation of them, they eat chickens and peoples cats

>>18308004
and you murder dogs. Does that mean it would be ok for someone to shoot you in the head?

>>18308006

You do not understand rural farm life. They have also depleted 30 percent of our whitetail deer population since the early 2000s and are considered an invasive species.

>>18308006
>Animals are of equal worth to humans
I'll never understand people who think this. I hope you're a vegan.

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>>18308015
Gubba nub nub doo rah kah

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>>18308020

>I'm a caveman for not wanting my livestock and pets to be killed by an invasive destructive species

>>18308006
Coyotes murder family dogs.

>>18308031

I lost my golden retriever to a pack of 3, they're bastards.

>>18308020
You really are fucking retarded aren't you?

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>>18308034
>*MY* golden retreiver

>>18304015
i would have died at birth if it wasn't for modern medicine. consider myself a "dead man walking" and i'm pretty sure this fucked me up a little. birth is THE defining moment in life, the first moment ever.

I was at the beach with my fiancee and her family and I was playing in the water. Thing is, there was a hurricane off the coast so these waves were fucking massive. I was trying to bodysurf and getting tossed by all of these waves. It was fun and games until a wave thrust me headfirst against the bottom. Luckily don't think I had a concussion but I spent a few days pretty shaken up about what could have happened.

>>18308245
Same.

>>18305232
i think god regrets giving you life

>>18304015
>be OP
>get with friends to suck some dicks
>be huge fag
>decide to cross the street
>look both way
>see car coming
>decide to cross anyway
>fag friend stops me
>driver almost hits a tree

Yeah, you should be dead. Fix it and KYS.

>>18304015
>be me
>be first time my dad bathe me after they had me
>he was an idiot 18 year old at the time who have never had a baby in his hands before, and nearly drowned me accidentally
>he told my mom she will be the only one bathing me from then

>be around 3 years old, maybe a bit less, but I actually remember this one
>be as stupid as children usually are
>pull the wire of the flat iron
>it falls on me and burns my arms and chest

>be 5
>old enough to go to and come home from kindergarten alone
>fcking december
>slip on the ice and fall on the middle of a road
>nose broken, blood everywhere I can't see from my fckn tears
>bus comes towards me and nearly hits me because it can barely stop on the icy road

>be 8
>be a pretty good swimmer
>3rd lap in the 50 meter pool
>leg cramp, sink, almost drown again

>17
>nearly got crushed by the mob in the pogo on some random concert after I got a kick in the chest

IIRC theese are all my close to death experiences.

>>18308026
animal agriculture is destroying the planet

>>18307675
Damn man, if that's true that's one bad motherfucker.