Oppression or Possession?

At the time I was going into 3rd grade, and my mother returned to move me to another school, along with my brother. At first when I moved back in with her things went well, the only change is she now had candles and a little black wooden box with golden leaf designs on it. I remember it because I thought it was pretty, with markings in the middle that I can't remember very well, and two birds on either side of it. She told me never to look in the box with out here but showed me the contents when I asked politely. They were a sliver cup a small knife, a leather bound note book and some odds and ends. I remember very strongly liking the knife, but not being allowed to touch it.

Otherwise my life was normal. I was having to get used to a new school , but I lived close by my grandmother and was happy.

Then I started getting sick to my stomache alot. I was deemed a sickly child by the new school and as long as my mother had doctors notes they didn't care. I never cared either, more time for books.

Meanwhile mom started having people come over weekly, a bunch of her girlfriends. They would chat and have a few drinks and they would send me up to my room after my brother was in his bed. Mom would come up and grab her box, say good night and head down stairs. I never thought anything of it until one night I got thirsty. So I headed down stairs to get a drink, and while I was filling up my glass I heard a noise from the living room. I put the glass down and left the water running.

Oh the suspense!

Me being a curious child I crept to the doorway and peeked in. My Mother and her friends were in a circle with paint on the ground. At the time I was too short to see what the paint was but I could recognize something lumpy and wet in the middle of it. Candles were the only light in the room, and my mother sat with her back to me. They were all chanting.

No black robes or masks, my mom was still in her work clothes, but there was something different about them. My eyes though weren't focusing on them, but rather the middle of the room about the lump. There was nothing there I could see but something about that area made me frightened. I rushed back to the kitchen, gulped my water down and flew back up the stairs to bed.

The next day was sunday and my Mother woke me up. She told me she knew I had been out of bed, one of the others had seen me, and she wanted to know why. I explained the water and apologized. She accepted that and told me that I was not to do that again and that she would get me my own pitcher for my bed room for nights like that.

As she went to leave I asked her what had been happening. She told me I would "understand when I was older." which was her speak for "no questions. " So I let it slide.

This pattern went on for a few years, and then one day out of the blue my mother decided we were moving. This came out of the blue, but what's worse was she seemed in a panic. She came to the summer camp I was at, told them my grandma had died, and was gone, not even stopping to grab our things from our home.

It all seemed strange to me, but at that point I was more concerned I wouldn't get to do horse back riding camp that year. She told me that she had been ordered to move and that was more important.

So for about 2 months we drive around the south of america, with no rhyme or reason, until we get to a Military base, where in my mom acquires a run down trailer, and sets up shop.

By shop I mean my mother took up the oldest work for women, and trained me to do so as well. I am going to skip a lot of this but I will tell you that she attributed this to a command from her Goddess. I was to eat no grain, drink no milk and sleep on a tarp for as long as my training lasted.

A year later and she pulled up her roots again , returning to my home state, where she met up with her old friends group again. This time though I was expected to serve them wine and wait outside the door while their ritual went on.

nothing overtly weird about that until one night she offered me a drink before I was to go guard. I accepted, not the first time she had plyed me with alcohol, and drank. I began to feel drowsy not soon after, and passed out.

When I woke up I was lying in the circle, which to say the least was weird, and they were chanting. When I tried to get up my mother simply told me to lie back and go back to sleep. Which at the time sounded like a fantastic idea.

I woke up the next morning in my bed, and mom never talked about it again. Asking got me a beating, and soon after she left me and my brother with my grandmother and just disappeared.

Now I can attribute a lot of that to my mother being psychotic, but since that day I have had to recurring paranormal things that lead me to think something went on.

1 ) I am continuously feeling like I am being watched, and judged. No voices, nothing flying around the room, but like a presence there just watching me like it hates me.

2) I have continous dreams of a young man sitting by my bedside. He will talk to me and ridicule me. I wouldn't think anything of it but from time to time I have woken up to the bed being sat on when no one is there, or a feeling of a hand on my face.

So my questions are : Did she do something to me? How do I get rid of it?

and yes this sounds bug nuts insane, but aside from these two paranormal incidents I am clear psychologically, I made sure they checked.

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>>18290131
Thy soul is in no peril, for the Lord is with thee

The spirit of God may take the form of electricity if it so wished and so verily I tell you that it is the will of God and nothing else which keeps you in darkness

and with that said I repeat that the Lord is indeed with you young fool

>>18290147
Could you explain why the will of god wants to "keep me in the dark?" Because what ever is going on I kind of want it to stop.

>>18290062
So, south America.
Right.

>>18290202
No the South of America. As in the southern States. Not South America as in the Southern Continents of the Americas.

>>18290216
You do know that the whole continent is America, right?

So, to say "the south of America" means south America.

Your try-hard, wannabe, mystical speak just makes you sound like an idiot.

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>>18290176
Don't you know that a murderer's sickness never heals?

>>18290228
Both are grammatically correct for both what you took from it and what I meant by it. Thank you very much for attempting to correct my english, but short of you scanning a Masters in english You can kindly fuck right off.

As for being a try hard wanna be, if that is the case the close tab button, or window, is right up there. Please feel free to go ahead and use it if you feel that way.

Have a happy halloween.

>>18290232
I am not sure what you are talking about?

>>18290251
Don't you KNOW that your grandparents have killed people?

>>18290265
Are we talking Literally here or in the broad spectrum of my ancestors. Because I am under the impression that the first is wrong , and the second is true for all of us?

A grammar idiot and someone talking in pseudo philosophical bullshit. It figures.

>>18289954

I saw something like what you have posted in the op besides my bed, op

>>18291252
>>18291252
How did you get rid of it?

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>>18290131
This is hard for me. Did you ever take "lovers" during the training.
My experience with I don't even know what to call it Witches? female led dominated covens earth mothers and balance people.
I did a sexual ritual with the daughter we were dating family was cool wine dine and lets do a spooly ritual after dinner.
now yeah I do often feel haunted by a female entity she's always naked always the colour of a pale moon.
how powerful is this feeling? theirs two ways to fix this at least for me.
1) Talismans make your own do appeasement rituals.
2) Ignore all of it all the spiritual mumbo jumbo treat it as such just crap.
right now it has power over you the other women in the circle have power over you due to your earlier surrendering.
TAKE IT BACK take back your own power.
ofc I don't know if gender has a role in this.

>>18291664
I was given up for my virginity to the highest bidder shortly before my tenth birthday, then I was trained with mutiple lovers until the night of the last ritual. Why?

It's very powerful, so powerful that it is beginning to wear away at my ability to function. It's like having your own disapproving teacher just follow you around and tsk at everything you do.

If It were my own thoughts, which over the years of psychological attempts to cure this, I would be able to tell but it's a very external feeling.

>>18291676
Im gonna a pack of smokes and think this shit over.

>>18291687
Please do, and thank you for taking this seriously. I am desperate for some answers so anything you can think of would help.

>>18291695
right what did she do to you. Without knowing the intentions of 'ceremonies/rituals' it's difficult.
Every instinct I have is telling me to run away at this point. Is this thing aware of others in your life?

>>18291770
I know a little about why the friends gathered with her... but I am really not sure what is and isn't relevant?

As for knowing? yeah. It gets worse when I attempt to form relationships. I know I know sounds weird but it's true. Not like going out with friends, but anything deeper than a professional or low grade friendship and the feeling increases. Every serious love relationship goes south fast, becomes abusive and controlling, even with people who haven't ever been like this before.

i can help you out I think
i came from a very simular situation
We should talk more

>>18291784
If you are willing to help me find a way to anonymously discuss this I would be happy to.
Or you can talk on here.

>>18291777
right. fuck every explaination I find plausible is scary shit. Without knowing what kind of "practicioners" you were involved with can make this worse.
So i will go through what I know from what you've shared thus far.
Goddess female entity that your mother and or others we're in service or worship of.
Service of males[?] under religous ritual conditions.
Young Male entity abusive degrading yet affectionate? definatly possesive
This is the scary bits. Since we're outa the realm of its just mental sickness. fuck FUCK
2 Theories They're the same being the feeling of the stern teacher and the male are the same. Or they could be seperate beings.
The 'Goddess' might not even be actually real or it could be the overbearing presence. Not doing her will BAD are their times you haven't felt it either drunk or indulging yourself?
The young male this is what terrifies me, he is possesive he is demeaning and he wants you ALL to himself this life and the next forever. DO NOT TRUST HIM.
either way the [I am sorry] the "rituals" were designed to either innoculate you against men. Harness their essence and feed it to the goddess.
Confusing im gonna smoke ill break it down again

I would like to ask two questions in order to draw my conclusion on the matter.

(1): During the "training" camp, how were you trained? Physically, mentally, spiritually, or all of the above?

(2): When you were inside the magick circle, did you see if the black box was near your mom at the time? And if it was, how were the contents inside oriented around the circle?

>>18291592

I growled at it.

>>18291817
>not doing her will BAD are their times you haven't felt it either drunk or indulging yourself?
Not sure what you are asking here but I think I get the question:
yes when I am "straying" from what my mother taught me as rules to live by it gets worse.
Also yes I am female, and yes I was trained with men whom my mother trusted to keep silent.
>>18291844
During training I was trained in the three arts, the art of the flesh, which was conditioning to make me better suited to the whims of those I was to serve, mentally I was trained to do things that would disgust me or that might make me unable to perform my duties, and spiritually I was taught basics of the beliefs and practices of my mother, though at age 11, when the training stopped, I was still early in that part of the training.

As for the magic circle I am going to admit Its hazy but yes my mother was there and I know she took it into the room, as I drank from the cup that was inside the box before I fell asleep. I don't remember seeing the cup after that.

I know that I was kinda sprawled in the circle. Two women at my feet one to my left, one to my right, mother at my head, she leaned over to talk to me. They were nude. I will try to think harder on the placement of objects but I only had time to be confused and ask what was happening before she told me to go back to sleep.

>>18291855
Lol okay I will try that.

>>18291817
This appears to have been Pagan style spirit rituals but the practioning feels dark. How your mother gave in the Goddess to enact her will.
Fuck This sounds like a fucking Earth Mother goddess female power cult. Problem is she deliberatly cut you off from the earth, The no grain no milk (mother's love) and the tarp means no contact with the earth.
This feels so Pagan but at the same time Old did your mother lead the group? and she was gone with you for over a year and just picked up this all feels terriying.
They must be trying to replicate the succubus powers nothing is easier prey then Johns' the pain of the whore and the lust of the customer.
It's supposed to be harnessed but you're alone vulnerable.
What to do is hard asides from cutting a bastards throat while he cums in you (not an option) It might just make the male stronger.
Im break this down to two problems the Overbearing female goddess and the male entity.
I need to know more about the beliefs the basics please at this point I don't know what I am dealing with. I don't need to know I don't want to know the specifics but what you would consider the basics the fundamentals. Id rather not hear about the training at this point unless necessary.

>>18291916
Did she lead? I don't know. I know she was important and the problem solver. She also always hosted the events. Once they bought a cow for the group and butchered it with the help of some friends. I remember one woman trying to take more than she was supposed to and my mother telling her to not come back for like a year.

Alright basic beliefs :
The mother goddess once ruled with the Father god as lovers, she was to tend the earth as a hearth and fight along side the God in battles. Then one day the God decided he was better to rule alone and cast her out from him along with the other gods. The goddess loved him so much that she would serve him even in a disgraced state, so she tends to children who need her for help with prosperity, love, acquistion of material wealth and social power. She also functions as one who will devour those who stray from her loves path, or drive them back to him.

Basic beliefs were simple : Don't tie yourself to a man, keep an altar to a goddess of your choice, simple offerings every few weeks, never turn away someone whom you can help. Serve anyone you deem worthy of the Goddess's blessing, and commit yourself to one day redeeming the goddess in the Gods eyes.

Since it was a yes to both questions, the only thing I can think of would be a type of spirit binding ritual.
Here is my opinion/explanation of what happened...

When your mom first came home with the black box, she was spiritually incapable of performing that sort of ritual which she would benefit from, so she joined a coven (the friends she kept bringing over) to practice basic empowerment rituals for awhile.
When she came to pick you up at summer camp she was confident in her spiritual strength by then, all that was left was to get you prepared for the ritual.
The "training" was probably a way to try and reduce the side effects of the ritual both while it was being performed and when it was over.

The drink was just a simple way for them to get you into the circle without hesitation (no surprise there).
Depending on the direction you were facing would have revealed the primary elemental affinity of the spirit. Since your mom obtained the black box instead of making it, there is a HIGH chance that the knife was the object holding said spirit bound, and the leather book would be a Book of Shadows by another practitioner containing info on the spirits name, element, and method which it was bound to the knife.

By this opinion/conclusion, she did a ritual that would transfer the spirit (contained in the knife) into the specified host vessel (you).

The voices you are hearing are probably either desires the spirit urging you to fulfill, or it is some of the spirits past memories in some previous life.

If any of what I said is correct, then the man you are seeing in your dreams is probably the spirit.

>>18291967
That makes sense. the box always was a no go subject for her. Maybe I should think more about the box. It was old and lacquered like I said. No lock, though mom tied it up with a ribbon. The symbol though was weird. Let me try to draw it.

>>18291901

No don't laugh, it may just be pestering you and if you show no fear i goes away.

Almost done with my degree in psychology, hoping to get into the clinical field. Your story contains more than enough stress and abuse to cause mental disorders to arise.

>absent mother for 2 years
>switching schools
>extended unexplained illness
>walking in on your mom and friends doing creepy shit in the dark
>unexplained moist lump and ritual obviously scared you
>ritual continues for years, despite your discomfort
>frantic, random move to an entirely new area
>no stable home for months
>once you have a stable home again you're put through a year of training
>only to have your life uprooted again
>drinking alcohol at such a young age
>>>You were used in a potentially "demonic" ritual
>asking for clarification results in physical abuse

And on top of all of these traumatic experiences
>possibly psychotic mother who practices some kind of witchcraft
>virginity taken from you at a young age
>no father figure (in assuming)

Psychology isn't as much guessing as you seem to think, it's actually fairly easy to make accurate predictions and diagnoses when you know what to look for.

Now, all of this being said, I don't think you're insane. In fact, I'd say it would be weirder if you didn't experience any adverse effects from such an extended set of highly stressful events. I don't believe that your mother and her coven summoned a demon or spirit to haunt you.

My advice is to empower yourself. Remind yourself that you are in control, and these things that are happening to you are just in your head. Minor hallucinations as you wake up such as feeling a hand on your face aren't uncommon, it's just your brain's way of transitioning from your dream to being awake. Feelings of paranoia or of being watched, and recurring nightmares are normal for somebody under a lot of stress. Allow yourself to come to terms with what's happened to you. It was stressful, and therefore it will affect you. But it doesn't have to define you. I hope this helps.

>>18291992

We need people proficcient with the spirit, not people making up mental disorders to cover fuck ups.

In truth, all of what everyone is saying is a potential truth, there may be a spirit, there might not. All we can do is draw from our own list of conclusions and hope she can find out what happened with the information we give her.

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>>18291986
It seems simple to try to do that but I don't know if it would work.
>>18291992

No Dad was not in the picture. He left before mom went off to find herself and later refused to accept me as his daughter.
As for your thoughts :

Perhaps you are right, but after years of this same general advice being given to me, and having come to my inner peace through meditation psychotherapy et. All I find this one set of experiences to be stubborn. No one can explain it, and my grandmother made sure I had the best she could afford. Medications don't change it, and it seems to happen consistently even despite my growing ability to function outside of the mindset of abuse. I've done every training and medicine routine suggested but it never goes away. CBT, antidepression medication, anti anxiety medication. You name it and I've been on it.

I do appreciate it though, I just no longer feel this can be explained away by my trauma. It's hard to explain how I know but I do. I would appreciate you continuing to speak to me. If you can find an explanation besides the supernatural that sits right with me I would be thankful.

Really I don't care how I just want my life back,

Pictured to the left : what I can remember of

>>18292015
I'd love to talk more about this with you. I'm at work now, so my response time may vary though.

First I'd like to get to know you a little better. If you don't mind answering a few questions, in as much detail as you're comfortable with, I think it would be helpful in giving you more concrete answers.

What are some of your interests/hobbies?

Approximately what age are you now?

Are you still in school? If yes, how is school going? If no, why not (assuming you're of school-age)?

How does your brother feel about all of this?

Are you and your brother close?

What was your mother like before she went to find herself?

What was your father like before he left?

Do you have any pets?

Do you still live with your mother? How is your relationship with her now?


There's a few to get started. If you think of anything else that you think might be important or interesting, don't hesitate to share.

>>18291992
This guys got it ye old spiritualism and gods was ancient science that we couldn't explain.
>>18291967
They drank from the cup and they don't hear any voices.
>>18291958
thank you that sounds very similar to what I have experience with. Specificaly a more perverse form of what I learned from them. We practiced very similar but with men and women the women did lead though.
Yours seems to solely focus on the glorification of the Goddess's exile.
It is a path you said yourself the goddess helps with those to find love yet you can't tie yourself to a love due to the extreme irrationality that befalls them.
you said your "training" was incomplete it is as was hers.
>>18292015
interesting.
How to fix it if you were here I could do more.
Your mother seems to have fallen to a certain sect of the path. You can't just be on one part its a cycle a circle all that is has been and will be. Therefore the goddess has been redeemed already but your place doesn't focus on that. it is a flow your cycle it is perverse broken.
I can't read the runes but the birds and the rest of the idealism. Your spirit was forcibly ripped open. You were far to young to even begin to share that love facilitate that kind of practioning. Which leads me to think this is all just thinly hidden Satanism. not hardcore devil crap but the Lightbringer Morningstar the one that stood equal to god before he bacme just god. Lucifer tried to share gods love amongst humans and was exiled to serve in another way hence the devouring.
Also all that your Goddess does is In service of the god himself a male entity (physcology daddy issues)
I know more now this thing thats touching you is trying to degrade you even further to lead you into corruption like your mother. He is probally your own creation from all the extreme sexual energy directed at you by very specific males that have extreme lust for young women. You were way to young to even attempt to make that power your own let alone harness it.
smoke break

>>18292108
What are some of your interests/hobbies?
I write, play video games, and I love my little pony.

Approximately what age are you now?
Late 20's

Are you still in school?
No I graduated with a degree, and a decent gpa

How does your brother feel about all of this?
He refuses to talk about it though once he got angry and told me I was "possessed". That was the last he ever said to me about it.

Are you and your brother close?
Not at all.

What was your mother like before she went to find herself?
I remember her being kind but pretty consistantly depressed. I remember her lying alot.

What was your father like before he left?
I loved him, and he would always teach me to play games. I rolled my first dice on his knee, but he was often very short with me when I was loud.

Do you have any pets?
No. I want one but I need to get out of my roommate situations before I get one. A dog preferably. I often find that I am more comfortable around animals than humans. I am considering applying for an emotional therapy dog.
Do you still live with your mother?
She left when I was 12, so no.
How is your relationship with her now?
She wanders into my life, asks for drug money, wrecks my house, steals my shit, and then leaves. I am too much of a pussy / still to attached to her to tell her to go shove it.
>>18292129
It was very focused on the concept of self exile from the group for the greater good. I was told that this meant she was pure and unselfish but I will be honest it sounds like a really idiotic matyr complex,

Nice roleplaying and samefagging. You try to pass off as both the OP and the magical expert guy but the way you write belies the truth.

>>18292155
Keep your Mom out of your life. change towns just get away
Write everything it helps
Be firm and sure with yourself.
Don't think about the rules of the goddess let it go ignore it call it anxiety w.e don't let it be more powerful then you allow it.
And never forget you have teeth too fight this shit.
Good luck

>>18292212
See >>>18290246
If you choose to believe that great, I don't really care. I am flattered you think that I am able to by past the spam cool down period and captchas so quick thought. So thank you.

>>18292224
Thank you.

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>>18292224
don't forget to laugh and to really enjoy yourself.
Sobriety helps don't smoke don't drink it eats at you.
Running is good being healthy stretching yoga that kinda stuff, hiking.
when you get your dog get a large one that really loves walks.
Eat well healthy if you can lots of omega-3 stuff.
Don't grow to hate men flip off that fucker.
Sleep well live well etc
Try a salt circle walk into a church bless yourself don't cling to religion or spiritual healers
Just become healthy live healthy and always fuck shit up if you need to. Don't be afraid

Psychology student here again, sorry I forgot to respond after work last night.
>>18292224 this is good advice. Moving to a new place under your own free will, cutting ties with your past, and moving on are probably some of the best things you can do.

After reading your responses to my questions I have no doubt that what you're experiencing is a direct result of your past experiences. You aren't possessed, there aren't negative spirits haunting you. You're just stressed, and rightfully so.

I myself suffer from pretty bad anxiety. It can make you feel completely irrational sometimes. Reminding yourself that you aren't insane, and you're just stressed out so your brain is playing tricks on you helps a lot.

Also I would definitely recommend looking into getting a therapy dog when you are in the proper living situation. The simple presence of an unconditionally loving companion can do wonders. The act of petting an animal also physically relieves tension and makes you feel happier.