2 sentence scary story

Baby shoes for sale. Never used.

WHO WAS THE PHONE?

>>18196410
There was nothing left to eat. I bit down.

>>18196414
Not scary.

>>18196414
good one took me a while to understand

Prepare your anus. You are about to meet Mr Diddley.

>>18196424
Should be a good one. Earnest Hemingway wrote it.

It was "Baby shoes for sale. Never worn."

>>18196433
Ernest*

>>18196433
>>18196414
It was "For sale: baby shoes, never worn," you fucking plebs. Hemingway isn't even entirely confirmed as the author.

>>18196414
Why would anyone buy used baby shoes?

>>18196492
Baby and pregnancy clothing are expensive as fuck

>>18196503
"For sale: Baby shoes. Worn". The frightening tale of poor people reproducing.

A hundred dead flies, with a condom on top.

The last man on earth sat alone in his house, then there was a knock at the door.

>>18196543
WHO WAS DOOR?

>>18196512
Kek

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>>18196532
None of this now needed. Baby dead.

>>18196410
"The entire outside world has been burned to cinders. I guess it's just us now m'lady"

"Dude, did you ever think about how human flesh must taste" "Just until last week."

>>18196635
I was up all night talking to someone called Mrs Battersby.

Who the fuck is Mrs Battersby?

I dropped my pants when i arrived at home and my gf was calling me from the bedroom.
I dropped my phone when i read a message from my gf saying she's getting some drinks with a co-worker.

"Election over. Trump won."

>>18196659
>*Hillary won.
FTFY :)

"I can’t move, breathe, speak or hear and it’s so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely, I would have been cremated instead."

>>18196659
OP said scary stories not heartwarming stories

Also keep /pol/ shit in /pol

"I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I though it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again."

>>18196662
I love this, I've considered this before. To be honest my fear of this exact thing is why I'm getting cremated.

>>18196662
You lie in a morgue for weeks before getting buried/cremated these days.
Your little story is outdated.

>>18196663
>>18196660
>Trumpets triggered by smallest bantz
Just like the meme they're voting for.

They delivered the mannequins in bubble wrap. From the main room he begins to hear popping.

>Arguing politics in /x/

Fuck off commie faggot kill yourself you fucking nigger cunt bitch cuck nigger

"My daughter won’t stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn’t help."

"When i was about to leave my apartment, i realized the door was locked. I spotted the key under my bed."

"The longer I wore it the more it grew on me. She had such pretty skin."

>>18196671
>begins to hear

You don't begin to hear anything, you just hear it.

Oh no, is there something crawling on my back? OMG it's a spider!

>>18196682
not op but i assumed, 'suddenly heard' was what he was aiming for

He slowly walked to the west corner of the room, which was the darkest part of the entire complex. Omg it's a ghost!

"The man finally stopped peeking around my room. Another family i have caused to move out."

"I ded." "No u."

They are coming soon. You should think twice about opening the door.

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>>18196696

Deep down, everyone knew this was coming. Souls are only borrowed things, after all.

With patient listening I began to distinguish clearly between voices, even though I could not grasp much of what any of the voices said. Omg it's a racoon!

>>18196410

"My friends and I like to partake in shitty roleplaying on the internet for attention. I think we'll go hang out on /x/ for a while."

>>18196686
Ahhhhh!!

>>18196727
Reality is scarier than fiction.

This will be a good fart.
Oh shit, it's shit.

Open the front door. It's a dead end.

It didn't hurt that bad, did it?. I just wanted a small taste.

>>18196777
Forrest Pump: "A fart is like a box of chocolates... - Ooh! A soft center!"

These are all really cringy and not scary.

>>18196901
Show them how it's done, anon.

>>18196410
I looked into the mirror, and saw a faggot staring back

>>18196418
Gay

>>18196414
Holy shit

The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock, omg it's a spider!

>>18196667
If you've already been set to be buried and you're already dead, you can't exactly go back and change it, can you?

>>18196673
When the schizophrenia hits you

"The problem with short horror is that it's always so predictable." That's what the old man said as my knife pierced his throat.

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>>18196635
>>18196652

You feel your finger break through the paper. The solids warm your hand as your breath chokes on the stench.

>>18196696
Spoopy.

>>18196410
My girlfriend has a penis. The scary part is that I have a girlfriend.

CRASH

MOM'S MADE PANCAKES

>>18196410
Mom's calling. She died last October.

"Put your seat belts on, we're gonna be landing in 10 minutes." "And also: Allahu Akhbar!!"

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>>18196676
doors lock from the inside, doofus.

>>18197075
>>18197080
>>>/pol/
you racist bigot

Out of the cold night's silence, an approaching voice called out. "AYO GIBS ME DATS"

>>18197102
snackbar detected

>>18197108
*smack lips*

>>18196669
>doesnt know what triggered means

>>18197102
How do people handle life when they cant handle offense words online?

>>18196492
They grow out of them almost immediately and they cant walk anyways. Why splurge on new shoes every time?

>>18196991
Kek/10

>>18196410
My penis.

It's gone.

>>18196414
I don't get it. Is it implying someone had a miscarriage?

>>18197141
To be fair most of the people that are racist on an anonymous imageboard aren't as vocal about in irl.

>>18197102
1. Islam is not a race
2. That actually happened

>>18196410
I kill you.
But I dead too already.

Da fone rang. But i aint got no fone.

>>18197348
Shieeeeet

Nite o clock at nighttime darkness, behind me who?
darkness only maybe so but waht if not

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>>18197102

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>>18197378

>>18197378
wat

This one is quite famous.

" The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door..."

"Yo nigga, lemme holla at'chu!" That's when I realized the car door wasn't locked.

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>>18197628

>>18196669
Better than voting in a career criminal with psychopathic tendencies and a 20 year history of corruption. But sure, he's a meme.

>>18198135
Your entire post refers to trump though.

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Mom calls kid in room. Mom is acculy in other room

I was so scared
I dropped my hot pocket

>>18196967
kek Underrated post

>>18196667
It's like a week, tops. We buried by granny in 3 days even though she died suddenly.

>>18196443
"For sale: shoes of dead baby."

Ernast Heminweigh

>>18196414
SO FUCKING NOT SCARY THAT I DONT EVEN KNOW

NOT A SINGLE POST ITT IS SCARY
KYS FOR MAKING THIS SHIT THREAD
SAGE IN ALL FIELDS

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>>18196659
t. Mexican

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my father died in a car crash while texting me. it was just one word "goodbye"

>>18198955
AYO JEB MAN, YOUR FREAKIN WEAK

I thought it was just a costume party. When I got there, everyone was dressed as anthropomorphic animals.

>>18198167
Name one thing Trump has done that makes him a criminal.

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>>18196410
The other day, my neck started itching. No one told me nooses carry over to the afterlife with you.

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"The last baby on Earth sat alone in his house. There was a knock on his door, "Shoes for sale"

-Ernie Hemwang

>>18199020
Raped a 13 year old girl

That night he finally convinced himself that sleeping with one feet hanging from under the blankets was a childish fear.
That same night he found out the cold burning feeling of their slick fingers...

>>18197295
Baby shoe fetish, obviously.

I asked Siri why life is so full of suffering. She replied, "You're the one who keeps waking up."

>>18196512
underrated.

>>18199066
Source?

I thought his mask was shit.Then it blinked

>>18196448
not so scary when you read it like in seinfelds voice

Walking home alone at night. "EY WHITE BOY DO BLACK LIVES MATTA?"

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>>18196448

>>18196492
The real question is, why would you buy new ones in the first place?
>babies are fucking expensive

>>18196676
This is legit not scary

>>18197003
Lmfao

>>18196410
Something hot writhed out of sight on the ceiling. It dripped on my cheek.

The creepy old tree next to my bedroom window was felled by a lightning strike that night. The scraping began softly an hour later.

Those two stars blinked every night. Even when it rained.

In July, all I could look at was my brother's breath, even though the white of his eyes screamed in my periphery. The dusk felt like night and the moon thought so too.

>>18197108
>>18197083
>>18197124
>>18197378
>>18197628
>>18199220
This shit is too much, I'm keking my ass off over here

>>18199272
Gay as shit
>>18199066
This was actually proven not true. Try harder you MSM cum guzzling faggot.

>>18199002
oh, the horror

poo and pee and pee and poo
These are the things that I Like to do to

It's a lump on my skin that I can't stop picking. Then the maggots burst forth.

I've been staring at my reflection for three hours now. It's smiling, I'm weeping.

I can hear the voices of angels singing as I lay upon my death bed. Then I hear their laughter as I burn.

>>18196414
That's sad, not scary

>>18196932
Lel

man door hand hook car. door

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>>18196643

>>18196410
Every square inch of the floor was embedded with razors and the sprinkler system was rigged to shoot salt water. I watched from the surveillance room, periodically turning on the sprinklers when she passed put from the shock.

-T.jigsaw

>>18199154
This jack actually really funny

>>18199255
The real real question is why would you have a baby in the first place?

went to the vet.
came back with no balls.

Guys there's someone tapping at my window. I'm gonna go chajkfhhhhhhhhhhh

Sale on dead baby. Never used.

He screamed from the room in the mental hospital as he heard every single person killed by. Him screaming thats not me thats someone else yet all nurses asked why is he always laughing

>>18199053
Kek

>>18199650
Wtf lol

All of the doctors and nurses in the emergency room are laughing at you because you can't stop the bleeding. You're going to die.

>>18199020
Tax evasion
Not paying workers
Name a proven crime that Hillary has committed

>>18196674
would have been better with out the "in the middle of the night" part
>>18196671
OooOooOOH

My grandpa tells me he can hear the devil's footsteps getting closer to me.

Well I think he said that, I'm still a beginner with sign language.

What a beautiful day to hang up my laundry. I live in Hiroshima and its August 6th 1945 btw

>I see goast
>It go boo

>>18196410
How odd of God, to choose the jews

I can finally take a shower. I'm also a jew in a concentration camp.

Up and down and up and down. That's when I realized what they said is true: you CAN pull it off...

Don't sleep with a chair turned towards you. You invite them to watch.

I remember seeing a bright light before I died

Too bad it was only the operating lamp

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>>18196932
Spooooooky

Anime isn't real

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>>18198303

She walked toward me while I was posting on 4chan in the library... "Hey, my name's Cindi," she giggled.

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>>18196691

>>18200013
thats some top notch quality right there

>>18199154
You son of a bitch

A-twixt a horrundus nite in the big. Time for floor store a seben whore.

>>18196410
"We don't serve coke products. Is Pepsi alright?"

>>18197535

dumb story

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>>18200938
Not spooky. Just rage.

>>18196414
How is this a horror story

"See you soon" she said, then died.

the door locked as i closed it behind me. i left my keys inside.

The person next to you finishes their self-introduction and sits down.

You're next.

>>18200209
Top kek

>>18201078
Plagiarism.

>>18200938
>>18201068

You're indirectly funding cartel violence.

you were jacking off with all of your clothes off .and you hear a knock at the door, no one is home. fuck.jpg

You're in bed naked and hear a window breaking in the next room. You don't have a weapon available when the lights come on.

Your girlfriend asks you why you didn't pull out last night. You slept like a baby.

>>18201461

But you got your pistol at least

Your daughter introduces you to her new boyfriend. He's black.

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>>18197102

>>18201461
>>18201602
If you do >>18200434, as well, you can also use it as a baton.

>>18196410

The scariest thing isn't what is after death but how we don't even control our own body

>>18200140

winner

>>18201718
what

the scariest thing is how few of you morons know what constitutes two sentences

>>18201778
thats only one sentence though

The last man on earth sat alone in a room. Then a skeleton came out.

>>18196701

That's literally a prank phone call from The Sims. Fuck you.

"I'm so edgy and deep you wouldn't understand", said my teenage son. "I understand, buddy", I replied, sighing and wishing he could find a girlfriend.

Don't turn around. Okay, I won't.

You borrow your mom's car to go to the Burger King drive thru. Man door hand hook car door.

I got a text message!
Check these dubs.

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>>18196443
>>18198303
>>18196414
>>18196422
>>18196424
>>18196433
>>18196437
>>18196443

Y'all fucking plebs. It's

>For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.

A couple with creeping infertility eventually gave up having a child in a mournful defeat. It's not spooky, just really sad.

>>18200013
Very good

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>>18196696

>>18202852
Very. And sort of hollow feeling.

"It's high noon"

The hotdog was sideways in the bun. I wasn't even hungry.

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Donald Trump might become President. If not then Hillary Clinton will. Pic related.

dad gets woken up by her daughter so he carries her back to her bedroom. In her bed he sees his daughter sleeping.

A skeleton popped out and it was mine. I am now dead.

I saw a full moon last night. I have pink eye now

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>>18196410
They're eating her. And then they're going to eat me.

>>18199154
This goes for anything, anon.

>>18196932
>2 sentence scary story
>doesn't even post 1 sentence

There used to be a HOLE here. It's gone now.

>>18199020
there was that whole trump college scandal that he paid his way out of

Almost got scared, turns out two sentences aren't nearly enough

>>18197102
>racism
Kill yourself you retarded fuckwit.

>>18196410
Yo bb, u want sum fuk? Ehh, read the first letter of every sentence :^)

>>18196410
That implies he wasn't breathing heavily, not that he wasn't breathing at all. Or is it meant to imply a third party was breathing heavily?

2 sentence stories don't work. Too much relies on implication.

>>18196492
Why would anyone buy baby shoes? They can't fucking walk.

>>18201091
>one sentence
You had one job.

>>18196448
Too straight forward.

>>18196666
Nice unappreciated quads.

"I-I-I always wanted to tell you that I-I-I love-e you"
"ehm thats cute, I like you but you are more like a friend"

>>18203789

"See you soon" she said, then died.

But she was already dead.

>>18203907
"See you soon" she said, then died. OMG it's a spider!

One soldier was going insane with thirst and drank from a pond covered with a greenish layer near Le Mort-Homme. A corpse was afloat in it; his black countenance face down in the water and his abdomen swollen as if he had been filling himself up with water for days now.

It was love at first sight. Sadly she was just Ben Affleck all along

>>18203094
>movie from this year """predicted""" events that were happening at the same time it was released

k

>>18199629
Hehehe

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>>18199599
Waste of dubs

>>18201718
Calm down Jaden Smith.

Something something last man on earth. Something something door.

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>>18203391
>oh my gooooooooood

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>>18196696

>>18196414
WOW GUY YOU REALYL KNOW LITErATURE XD

>>18201718
what does this even mean

>>18201778
>>18201797
Kek

>>18199279
What's with all these faggots on every board who link every fucking post and put in their two cents about them? Fuck off already. Nobody gives a shit what you think.

>>18199053

Laughed way too hard at this hotly shit anon

>>18201106
Nice

I awoke to him saying, 'Good Morning'. I begged him to kill me this time.

>>18196448
Couldn't the gf just have gone in and killed herself or been killed while she was there? Who the hell would think that someone killed her and placed her body there?

This is not a post in this thread. DO NOT look behind you.

"Presidential candidate Donald Trump collapsed in his hotel room tonight, while preparing for this weekend's debate. He was rushed to St. Anthony's Memorial Hospital, where he later died."

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>>18196686
>>18196691
>>18196952
>>18197080
>>18197108
>>18197628
>>18199053
>>18200938
>>18201814

I took a large and saucy dump. No matter how hard I wipe, my asshole is never clean.

>>18199067
the frost giants?

He reached into my pants to check. "You're not supposed to have three."

>>18197322
Dubs

My vision blurred as I bled out, gasping for air to stay alive. The last thing I saw was that refugee dragging my wife into the next room.

>be me
>who else could I be?

You pour yourself some soda and take a long sip. You feel something squirm in your mouth.

>>18199988
Underrated quint get

>>18200070
Tax evasion wasn't a crime because he found a loophole

You desperately try to yell but nobody can hear you. Your head bobs under the water for the final time as the hands take you under.

>>18196543
He heard a voice from outside. "Do you have a moment to talk about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?"

>>18201068
>swooce
>swodge
>swodce
What the fuck is that sound effect

>>18202914
One sentence too short. Try this instead:
>"Dong zhu, buxu zou!"
>"Ryuu ga waga teki wo kurau!"

>>18199053
Kek / 10

>>18207166
I bet you bitch about people leeching welfare but see no problem with this moldy pumpkin looking motherfucker keeping literally hundreds of millions from going to roads, military, police, firefighters, etc.

Hypocrites are the lowest scum on earth.

"Answer the door," said the half-asleep wife.

"It's not the door," said the husband, "It's the closet."

"Stick it in my butt," she said.

Only when our balls touched did I realize I was trapped.

My daughter's loud crying jostled me from sleep. It was then I realized I'd forgotten her gag.

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>>18199154

I asked the genie for my father to drop dead. Then the genie dropped dead.

>>18207228
>Get told to name something illegal Trump did
>Chimp out when told that something he did was perfectly legal
Found the n*gger!

I tried to pull it out of my ear but it shot inside me in a frenzied blur. I could feel it wiggling in the deepest part of my brain.

>>18207247
Good one

As I lie flat on the huge impossibly soft bed, her boobs bobbled up and down as her hips thrust perpendicular to her torso, I couldn't believe I was no longer a virgin. It was at this moment that the alarm ripped me out of my sleep, I am going to be late for school, and I haven't done any homework.

>>18207476
9/11 Maximum spook.

>>18203784
They look cute

>>18207438
perfectly legal is a bit of a stretch. At best it's an exploitation of a loophole that allowed him to claim the major loss of one of his businesses as a personal loss. If a smaller business owner had tried it the IRS would probably have had them shot. That coupled with a special rule that allows carrying losses over from previous years.

Losing a billion dollars does put a bit of a damper on his "good businessman" cred tho.

Finally, he was alone. But then came the scream.

He loosened the brick from is place and pressed himself hard up against the wall, straining his eyes to pierce the abyssal darkness that enveloped the abandoned room ahead.

He held his breath as two pearly-white orbs slowly appeared out of the darkness, but how close he could not tell, until they blinked.

Thus I stood before the boatman aghast. I had realized that upon my funeral pyre I had been able to witness my cremation through a single eye.

I can see the future in my dreams, sometimes years in advance. It's been a while since I've seen anything so far ahead.

They tell me I'm just seeing things. Problem is that they want me to see them.

>>18196492
Niggers buy and sell used baby shoes all the time... But what else do you expect from niggers/googles?

>>18196669
>it's a redditor doesn't know what being triggered is episode

>>18196691
2spoopy5Me

>>18197003

Underrated post


Top fucking kek

>>18197102
>>>/r/eddit
You're not wanted here

>>18197102
Rapeugee

>>18200070
>he thinks tax avoidance is a crime
Do you know what accountants do for a living little boy?

>>18207228
>starts off with an assumption
>leads into ad hominem
>carries through with a strong appeal to emotion and authority
>circles around to his own assumption

I bet you were captain of the debate team

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>>18208293
not just captain, but award winner
national debate champion

In an age of universal deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

>>18200140
The Flash of '45.

>>18196660
>>18196659
Both horrifying.

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The strange parade of honking down my street didn't worry me. What did worry me was that it stopped at my door.

You're shitting your brains out in the handicapped stall. The door opens and you see a wheelchair roll into the bathroom...

>>18196410
I built a fence. Katrina blew it down.

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>>18197102

>>18196410
I dont get it

>>18196410

I stared into the chaos.

It stared back into me.

>>18203094

>Women in red

>Man in a business suit


<.<

>>18207247

"Answer the door," said the half-asleep wife.

"It's not the door," said the husband, "It's baby shoes for sale."

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>>18196426

>>18197102

If CTR keeps losing men to /pol/ then why for the love of God are tyou posting here

You will only get autism and no shilling shekels

A man with an angry expression and no eyes in his sockets stares down at you.

From your bedroom window.

>>18207211
What, you never saw Shaggy from scooby-doo swoocing right in?

>>18206880
are you retarded?

As you close your closet door. A man's shoe prevents the door from closing.

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>>18196996

At last you are dying, taking in your final breaths. Suddenly an echo begins to turn up in volume "Oh, you have awoken from your coma Mr_."

>>18200140
>What a beautiful day to hang up my laundry. I live in Hiroshima and its August 6th 1945 btw

>dem whiter whites

>>18196543
It was a woman

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>>18200070

stole the white house silverware

I gently stoked her vagina during our passionate kiss.
I felt a bulge.

>>18208634
"Answer the door," said the half-asleep wife.

"It's not the door," said the husband, "It's man hook hand car door."

>>18208966

I'm a pro writer don't take this as criticism just friendly advice from one author to another:

Would be scarier if it was a baby's shoe (never worn) ,and if instead of a closet door it was a man door hand hook car door.

>>18209130
>"Answer the door," said the half-asleep wife.
>"It's not the door," said the husband, "It's your vagina!"

"Shit, I told you we'd get lost in the woods."
"Our phones have GPS"

FUCK
Smartphones ruin everything horror related.

>>18209137
As you close the baby's shoe's (never worn) car door. A hook with a man attached appears to prevent it from closing.

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>>18201106

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scary story time

"Dad, do u believe in ghost?"
"No son. Ghost doesn't real."
"But our maid says ghost real."
"Son, pack ur bags."
"Why?"
"We have no maid!"

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a man and his girl go out to drive under moonlight. they stop at one at a side of road. he turn to his girl and says:
"baby, i love u very much"
"what is it honey?"
"our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken. ill walk and get some more fuel."
"ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of steres being stolen"
"good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"

so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby, he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and a voice say "LET ME IN"

the girl doesnt do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door

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I check into small hotel a few kilometers from Kiev. It is late. I am tired. I tell woman at desk I want a room. She tells me room number and give key. "But one more thing comrade; there is one room without number and always lock. Don't even peek in there." I take key and go to room to sleep. Night comes and I hear trickling of water. It comes from the room across. I cannot sleep so I open door. It is coming from room with no number. I pound on door. No response. I look in keyhole. I see nothing except red. Water still trickling. I go down to front desk to complain. "By the way who is in that room?" She look at me and begin to tell story. There was woman in there. Murdered by her husband. Skin all white, except her eyes, which were red. I tell her I don't give a shit. Stop the water trickling or give me refund. She return with 50 car hook door man hand car hook.

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a girl go to babysat. for three small children. the parents say "take care of my children" and they leave to see Die Hard 2. as night goes on babysit says 'time for bed chilren" and takes them to bed and tuck them in then she sees a clown statue outside window. she goes to watch tv downstairs and after watching for some minutes she is scared of statute. so before she turns the tv on she gets the phone and says "parents, your children asleep but can i move the clown ststute" the parents say "RUN WE DONT HAVE CLOWN STATUE"

the next day the police arive at the scene. The girl goes up staris to check on the children why they asleep btu where the clown statue was before all she sees is a hook man hand door hand hook

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this events is a true story that happen to me a long time ago. i was once in charge at the morgue for cemetery duty but not have enough money. so i go get a job at the morgue. they want me to keep an eye on all the bodies so graverobbers dont steal from them. so i said "i will do this job.' it requires me to walk around cemetery and keep an eye on the bodies

After the first few nights i nnoticed lots of scary things. scissors moving to difference places, flowers that were dead were now alive again. i think its scary but i really need money for my sick mother. but one night, the night i want to tell you about, she wasnt so lucky. she went to check the bodies as per usual. all the strange stuff that normally happens wasnt happen. she put the hook back on the shelf after using it to scrape dirt of a tombstoon. "thats it for tonight" and she starts to go home. suddenly then there is a noise. "weird" she things. but she goes home anyway. but then the noise happens again. she looks around trying to not be to scared. then he jumps out. the girl is never heard from again. when the manager checked he couldnt find any trace of her. but something was different in the shack that night. one of the items was different... little did manager know until it was too late. and that item was none other than man door hook door car hand the managers car stuck in door

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one night a bride go to visit her bubband.

"husband."
"yes my dear."
"will we be married forever"
"until death do us apart"

the irony didnt catch the girl at the time but sooon it would. very soon. that night they got married. the wedding had everyone in the town there, even the girls parents and the husband parents. the party when on until the wee hours of the night when everyone decided it was time to home.

"it was a good wedding" say the husband parents

the bridge and husband go to their ceremony to hawaii. but when they get there the husband changed. he started getting violence. "NO DONT HIT ME" say the girl so she pushed the husband out a window and he died. his hook hand that he got in the war fell off and stabbed him in the back. later the girl goes home after finishing enjoy her honey moon. she goes to tell the husbands parents the bad news

"im afraid i killed your husband" says the bridge
the parents looked concerned for their husbands death.
"i hope you can forgive me" say the bridge.
"no its not that my dear..." and the parents had a strange look in their eye.
"you see, tim (the husbands name) died when he was 3. you were at the wedding all by yourself!"
the girl was so shocked she told the parents to pull the car over. but then they herad a scratching sound. all the police found was a scratched car, a small stain of blood, and a hook hand car in the car door hook.

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John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base.
He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. his warnings to Cernel Joson were
not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships ded."
Dad said "No! You will be KILL BY DEMONS."
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!" So John gotted his plasma gun and blew up the wall. "HE GOING TO KILL US" Said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired rocket missles. John shot at him and tried blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the dmons
he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John hook man car hand door dads hook

I have a pen. I have an apple

I like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

>>18199053
10/10

>>18207350
underrated

I went to the pond with a load of bread for the duck. Only when I threw the bread did I realize the duck wasn't there.

>>18208311

Oh god I remember this

>>18207155
shut the fuck up u dumb google thats a full house bitch

You take a bite from a chocolate chip cookie. The taste of oatmeal raisin fills your mouth.

Hillary Clinton is going to be our president.

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>>18200730
Holy shit too real, man. Too real...

>>18201988
Holy shit I found this way too funny!

Also, checked.

>>18206979
Shut the fuck up with this political bullshit. Literally no one cares that you're voting for one retard over a different retard.

>>18210785
>>18207155

He fucked around and got a triple double, ya gaywads.

>>18211069
I know you're trying to make a reference to a song, but that's not what a triple double is

"The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. For sale, never worn." - Fredic Chemoway