so all this fapping has given me the idea that there's a

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so all this fapping has given me the idea that there's a desperate thirst by the inner, individuated sexual energy for what it perceives as the other half of itself separated from it. This longing for unity is is the basis of the inner life, but what if that separation is just an illusion? Fapping reaffirms the sexual individuation process while relieving it (temporarily) of its constant quest. What if that quest could be solved?
I believe that there is an original force that exists within the cells of every being from the moment of conception; this force is is the pure energy of life, which undergoes individuation through each cell, creating the body with time and energy. I believe it is possible to move the center of awareness (ego) beyond the individuated cells (body) and into the unfiltered force, Here, the quest for unity with the other half comes to an end - the source of both has been reached. I believe this can be accomplished by directing sexual/amorous attention of a low intensity inward to the idea of its source. I've found this can be done with pornography, which stimulates and facilitates the energies in question.
It is important not to bring the intensity to a level too great to withstand, lest the energy be lost and the process interrupted. Meditate on the idea of reaching this dissolution, and let yourself absorb your own energy, remembering that your True Self is not a pitiful shard of earth, but a well of infinite potential.