Esotericism

>>18076801
>Any esoterics around?
Yes. One at least. I have been studying esotericism for 11 years now.
>What are you guys currently pondering?
My father recently passed and I am trying to figure out the best way to live life without him. I am also getting off my occult armchair to see what dedicated practice can teach me.
>Practiced any magic?
For the past few months, I have been performing The Middle Pillar exercise and the LBRP daily.
>How'd that go for you?
My practice is really a preliminary to more serious magic work. I plan working with the Golden Dawn curriculum next and after that I will hopefully move onto the PGM and goetic/grimoire tradition. But, so far, so good :^)

>>18076874
I had a mystical experience that made me an Esoteric but before that I was a hardcore skeptic. But there are just things in my life I can't deny, and at certain times I feel like I can channel the energies of different experiences to experience them more wholly. I mean I am God right? I can create something from nothing. But just what are the limitations of creation? Can I create my own destiny rather than a future?

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>>18076888
Nice trips. I've had some experiences of my own too. Spent a lot of time reading and learning about theories of how it works. Came to the conclusion that I am God too. Decided to try manifesting. Was impressed but also ran into some problems. Took up psychotherapy both as a patient and a student. Learned more about myself. And decided ceremonial magic was the best way to realize my God-potential. But such spiritual power is dangerous and must only be approached by a purified ego.

>>18076888
I'm in the same boat. Welcome.

>>18076904
I'm not into the magic part of esotericism yet, but I've heard of people making sigils. I'm wondering just how far one's own willpower can take them. It seems to be an incredibly strong force when guided by the truth rather than the ego.

>>18076906
Do you have any conclusions or ideas you'd like to share? My problem is that when I talk to the unawakened I say "Just observe yourselves. Watch all your thoughts, all your actions, all your emotions everyday and notice them. Then when you notice them figure out how they work, then you're ready to redevelop them." and then I'm asked "How am I to observe myself?" and you have to explain how there's the 'observer' and the 'observed' but they're not two separate entities they are the same. Then they're totally lost on something I seem to take for granted.

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>>18076801
>Any esoterics around?
I guess I might call myself one if I really felt like it.
My personal issue with all that stuff is finding something that I understand, something that resonates with me.
I've read about Chaos magick, hermeticism, witchcraft, all this stuff, but It never truly appealed to me. Maybe this means I have to develop my own personal system?
Thanks for letting me ramble.

>>18076926
You have the same destination as us but your path will be different. It has to be because you are you and we are not you. I personally took a path of hermeticism, I practiced self discipline and extreme attentiveness over my own actions and came to understand them. Then I had to meditate to be able to see the grand truth.

If you were correctly in your own way trying to uncover more about yourself then you would have found small truths that are all umbrella'd under the big truth. The quest for truth has markers you see, road signs to tell you you're almost there. Because the path comes to an end, and then you are enlightened.

But communication is flawed. That's why I can't simply tell you the truth and have you know it, in it's full actuality. You have to experience it. But we can always help you find where to start.

>>18076936
Your words are strangely inspiring.
I'll be pondering them as I lay in bed tonight, thankyou.

Definitely an esoteric individual here. I have manifested girls, colors (hard to explain), my thoughts have time traveled backwards, abundance, telepathy, magic touch, etc.

any tips on how to become wealthy? That's my final quest to accomplish. If I accomplish that, which I think I will, i'm gonna be set for life.

>>18076975
desu you just need to know economics and have a strong urge to fuck some poor suckers out of their money. It's not magic, well maybe it's black magic. But economics is really logical if you want to read up on it.

I'm curious, have you manifested real figures from history or fictional ones you have imagined or perhaps 'selected at random'? I believe I somehow channeled my tulpa into existence, perhaps through sheer willpower. But now we're discussing the matter of tulpa truths instead of human truths. It's quite interesting. Before I was officially an esoteric I used to have psychic dreams. It was the gluing piece that told me thought and time weren't different from one another.

>>18076936
You are You, We are We, You are We, We are You.

All statements are at their essence true. I would have to agree that the the set series of experiences that serve as the framework for realizing truths is different as the experiences which serve to form 'Ego' are different.

Achieving comprehension the profound nature of the Fundamental Truth is certainly a journey.

>>18077001
I agree everything is everything else and everything is also nothing. But for communication sake only esoterics understand the "I" and the "me".

May I ask if you struggled greatly along the way? I know I did. I had severe depression that nearly put me in the hospital once. Since I've been awakened I don't feel any of that anymore, but it took arduous years of self realization and suicidal thoughts to achieve paradise.

>>18076983

I'm not sure what you mean by "real figures from history". I can tell you my thoughts traveled backwards like three days so that what I wanted "now" was somehow imposed on a youtube video three days old. I think I wanted some hot girl to wear a red dress or something (which usually goes into the future) and then she did end up wearing it but somehow she knew to wear it three days prior for the video.

Yeah I can tell you that the past, present, and future happen simultaneously.

As far as tulpas. I don't need tulpas. I can psychically have sex with real women that exist. Though I just began thinking that it's better to manifest physical sex for many reasons.

Also, you gave me no help on the money part. There has to be a way to do it. I've heard of people winning the lottery and I actually have won the lottery multiple times in a row but for low amounts by manifesting. The most I won was 30 dollars or something even though I was trying for of course a million dollars or more.

>>18077014
I'll practice with a ticket myself. I'm sure if you have the will and treat the ticket as if it's already a winning ticket, and you start low in like a provincial lottery or something for 200k, it could be likely.

I agree with you on the time thing. Time really is the biggest illusion ever.

Got any tips on how I could make my ex think about me right now?

>>18077007
Yes, I suppose that is correct. It's always a struggle to put into words the ineffable concepts.

It was a slow process. To comprehend, you must become, to understand you must know, to know you must obtain information.

I've not even come close to comprehension of the Fundamental Truth, I've just reached the 'Understand' part of the process. It's definitely been difficult, but it's more the details that have been difficult. Life is certainly more filled with suffering before you embark though.

>>18077033

There's a whole group of people that are into the "ex-back" thing. Basically you use a combination of remote seduction and magic touch to generate interest in the specific target. basically imagine having sex with her vividly for maybe 15 minutes or so. Really get into it. Do it often. You have to picture her body in your mind as you touch her and stuff. And don't be afraid to pantomime it either. I have tried this on regular girls and for me it somehow works in real-time as opposed to the future but it can't hurt either way.

Yes I imagine that it's a winning ticket. It's not winning it's the amount. I have to confess though I was probably only giving it 10% of my time or less so maybe it's about giving it full devotion.

>>18077047
When you say you do not know the fundamental truth, do you mean you never experienced it? Or that you have experienced one of the great truths, but believe there is an even greater one?

I myself see no greater truth than the one I know, that nothing is everything and vice versa. I experienced it, there for I know it. However "I" was not there, it was merely experienced and known to have happened, but there is no record of what I saw. Only an image of it, and images are flawed at best.

>>18077077
The simplest way to put it is to take a term from Meher Baba. I can understand God-Realization but I have not become God-Realization, hence I cannot truly comprehend it. In a sense; yes, I have not experienced it.

In contrast I have experienced the Not-I (which truly in each path is the first step), the I-We-They, All is None, and All is One.

In our journey there always lays another plateau and another question, a truth to be experienced and comprehended. In that sense for you, I would say that exploring further on the 'I' in relation to your previous experience of 0=1 would be the next logical step.

>>18077121
I suppose I have asked this question to myself. I refer to the "I", my ego, as being the "gate keeper of truth". That my ego stared at the truth this whole time, always telling me what to feel and guiding my actions to prevent me from seeing the truth myself. And now that I have I've wondered the purpose of this 'gate keeper'. If I think of my ego as simply human nature, human programming to survive, then defeating it means I've over wrote all my old programming.

But I don't see what new questions I can ask besides one's related to the mystical experience of the Not-I, that all we esoterics share. Questions like is reincarnation real? Do I actually have a spirit? Are there things I am suppose to do now? etc.

>>18076926
>Maybe this means I have to develop my own personal system?

This is my current project, and it's complete hell

>>18077137
In a sense, all three are questions connected to the position of I in All. When we strip away the 'Ego', we do not reduce our Conscioussnes to Unconscioussnes. As such our Conscioussnes while operating a higher-level of clarity, unmurked by it's past programming (an interesting way of analyzing 'Ego' that I agree with), but as a cosmic entity you continue to function as 'I'.

As such, a way of nearing the Fundamental Truth would be to change the position from which experience is generated (which in a filtered form is the base human condition). Reach the state of All-is-None, and then attempt to experience the I as the All.
Induce Singularity.

>>18077164
But I believe that singularity you speak of is death. When one dies, the mind returns to the nothing. How long it stays there, I don't know. Probably only an instant. But we already know nothing is everything, so the mind returns to everything.

Is singularity not guaranteed for every individual who is awakened upon mortal death? After all, we all stared death right in the eye the moment we saw the truth. The physical body was still present to be returned to after ego death, with real death that is not the case so where does the cosmic "I" go? Well it must be back to nothing, a creation of something totally new.

>>18077203
My own hypothesis would be that to induce a said experience, would be to experience the Conscioussnes at it's Pre-Birth, Life, Death, and Post-Death.

The hypothetical construct of I as All would serve to elucidate on the ineffabilities of these four cardinal experiences. In particular the first and fourth, which I believe this may be one of the better constructs to attempt at experiencing.

>>18077223
But according to your hypothesis, you should have already experienced at least 2 of the 4 states of consciousness. I would even go as far to say that the experience of ego death was the experience of real death, and that post death is the you that emerged after seeing that.

But even if you see death and post death as
"entirely new", just as you might birth or pre birth, then you are still destined for it because you have to die to experience death. That is so obvious. So it seems to me the next step in your singularity construct is to die, which will eventually come with time so there is no need to rush it.

>>18077238
Indeed, but they are experienced at a rate much slower than it would be in the construct, or have other purely material issues with experiencing and then analyzing.

It's just an idea that springs from the thought that Man-Conscioussnes is God-Conscioussnes experiencing itself. The process of melding into All to then experience being I as All would be an akin expression.

As we have reached a state at which 'Ego' or in a way 'My specific I' has been discarded, and we have reached a state at which I is able to experience All, then the process of experiencing I (a different I, from the current I) as All should may be possible. At it's profoundity, the Magus becomes a God-Conscioussnes experiencing itself through the construct of I as All.

The experience of 'Ego death' I would not say is the same as True Death, I believe there is a deeper state of realization to be reached in that truth.

>>18077387
So rather than living as a being of time who has glanced into the dimension of the timeless you'd rather be constantly in a state of timelessness that sometimes chooses to experience time?

While that sounds very noble I simply think humans just don't have the energy to do that. Being awoken took tremendous energy. Clearly if I am God, then why aren't I God all the time? Sometimes I am not God but myself, I let the ego or the computer take over as I take a break from God. What you are proposing is to always be in that god-like state that was experienced, to always be everything. I still think that for a human being, who is a time encased creature, to exist permanently in the timeless, he needs to not be a human being anymore. Which is only to die.

You are the image of God trapped inside your own image. You've been set free and you want to be set free again. Your ego has died, you have nothing more to offer to know anything else but your own life. That is real death.

>>18077443
Mmm, yes I suppose that would indeed be a way to look at it.

Perhaps you are correct in that to become timeless, conscioussnes requires true liberation from the mortal coil, a liberation that would require cease of all bodily-material functions.

It's certainly an interesting idea to ponder and I am thankful for the conversation that has led to this thought. Hopefully, some of the ideas shall be useful to other Magus in their endeavours.

>>18076904
how do you know when you have a purified ego?

I seem to be attracting a lot of things i think, lately. I'm very freaked out because im afraid of doing things like setting fire to someone or something just by thinking about it (not like an Xmen, but via synchronicities). Should I be scared or it doesn't work that way?

Also, anyone here can help me with this? >>18075892

>>18078610
Well first of all stop blaming yourself for those cops death. Human consciousness is a collective consciousness. Probably more than one person like you willed what you did (you americans).

You know your ego is purified when you experience it. If I ask you "Do you know yourself?" and I mean that in its full actuality, how you actually are, can you answer it? Or do you just give me an image of yourself you throw together in your head rather than your actual self? Because you see the mind is thinking, and in thinking its creating images. These images take certain information you like and keep it and throw away information it doesn't want. But that is no way to think is it? So you need to fully understand yourself, then the experience will happen when your concious self comes into full contact with the mind's image of itself. When this equation is equal, you will be purified. And you will know. You won't have to guess. If you have to guess you are not purified at all.

But the road of truth has triggers in it. Moments where it tells you that you have uncovered a truth. One that will lead you to another great truth. Until you've reached the end, the grand truth. And when you see it you will know there is nothing left to ask.

>>18077014
>Tulpas are only made for sex

I want this meme to die

Estoric catholic here (if thats a thing)) i've been looking into the magical things, and have been trying to find a way to summon a goetic demon.

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>>18078919
You're an idiot. Demons, having divine power, are stronger than you could ever fathom with your feeble intelligence. It's like watching Death Note with demonic and angelic figures. They fight mental battles your tiny mind isn't currently capable of perceiving.

>>18078919
I've summoned a tulpa before, so I imagine summoning a demon is kind of the same. It takes time, but you'll get better at it because summoning is a mental exercise.

First, you're asking a 'spirit' to come into existence but it has nowhere to go. And if you will it to exist in an object such as a chair, then the spirit is a chair. Chairs don't talk. So you need to make space in your mind for the demon to operate, as if you're partitioning a hard drive. So first let your mind know that a demon has been summoned because you willed it. Then ask it in your mind to speak. Either it won't, or you'll hear talking back that sounds like your mind's own creations. It's not, it's your mind's interpretations of the demons speak. As he speaks more his words will become more and more vivid and easier to understand as he gets more and more used to your head. But you have to talk with him a lot for anything to get done. You'll notice the improvements and probably have some fun but unless you see the greater truth of this matter you will be doing nothing but summoning a poser demon. Real demons do things on a level you wouldn't understand even if he told you. So he's got to come down to your human mind's level. This doesn't happen though when you reach or outrank him.

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>>18078905
>implying there is only one grand truth
What happens when you finish reading a book or watching a movie? You find more truths to explore. Besides that, there are other ways of comprehending previous truths that you incorrectly perceived into a state of falsehood making the truth sort of relative but objective at the same time.

>>18078943
While I have experienced the step of rediscovering path truths I missed or overlooked I don't have any new questions to answer. I just wanted to know how or why everything just exists and I did. Now I can ask really supernatural questions but until I take the time to do the experiments (I know magic is instantaneous but we still need preparation as human beings) I'll never know. And right now I'm still in a state of trying things out.

What kind of questions have you asked yourself to further the truth? I feel if there is another grand truth, I have not asked it yet because I feel so satisfied knowing what I do.

>>18078938
Interesting?
I havent really looked into these gkids of things before, so thanks for your advice i guess?

>>18078933

This isn't an animu, i'm aware this iwn't a game. I'm aware my soul and health iare at risk, but desperate situations and all that.

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>>18078957
Pfft
You know so little that I pity you.
You're going to end up making a contract with a low end malevolent spirit with that sort of stature, guaranteed. No respectable divine entity would even spit in your direction. Be humbled that I'm even speaking to you.

Signed, Belphegor.

>>18079055
Faggit

>>18078943
Not him, but there has to be. Any changing truth could be enveloped in the grand truth that "truth changes." There is no way to avoid abstracting into an absolute statement.

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>>18079103
You're essentially running around in s mobius paradox like a turbotard. Why are you even "searching" for truth? Why haven't you found it yet? What makes you so dumb?

>>18079117
Your post makes no sense. There's no paradox. I never said I was searching for truth. All I said was avoiding an absolute truth is an impossibility.

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>>18079102
See what I mean? You can't even come up with a clever insult. Your miniscule processing ability is so evident that you'd have to be the world's worst detective to not see it. Truly, you are a sad sack of turd. I bet your penis isn't even three inches long, lol.

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>>18079132
Because your conception of truth is a recursive abstraction there can never be a grand truth, only an infinite series of repetition in revelation.

Why am I surrounded by idiocy

>>18079137
You're a twelve year ole child who thinks they're a demon.
You're not worth the thought that goes into a decent insult.

And using anime images is not helping your case.

>>18079147
>truth is a recursive abstraction

THIS is the grand truth. The very moment that you say "there is no grand truth" that BECOMES the grand truth.

It is unavoidable.

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>>18079152
You truly are a diminutive little roach. If only your mind could truly grasp the reality of no reality. If only you could percieve the greatness that sits before you, mocking your very plight. She's going to die, lol. It's a better fate than being your mother, who would want to be the parent of such a failure?

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>>18079164

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>>18079132
There is always paradox.

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>>18079153
No, it doesn't. The grand truth is that which one chooses for itself. Truth is circumstantial, almost situational. There is no all encompassing truth, you're just on a wild goose chase. Merely one of the truths of this conversation is that you're a complete fuckup.

>>18079164
Nice waifu.

Now why dont you ask your mommy for chicken tendies while the adults talk.

>>18079181
>There is no all encompassing truth

Is this ALWAYS true? Does this statement encompass EVERYTHING?

>>18079197
Think we're tzlking to the same toddler?

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>>18079186
Maybe you should have a little understanding, I'm trying to explain such juvenile concepts to rodents and you can't seem to register them. I'm trying to show you just how low end your mental specs really are. How easy it is for me to run rampant laps around your inert cognition. How low you are, stuck in your truly bastardized and childish notion of grand superiority in maturity when you don't understand the first thing about the imagination.

If you don't believe in there being an eternal truth then I don't think you're an esoteric. If you doubt the existence of the grand truth all you have to do is meditate by observing one's self in it's entirety to see it.

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>>18079202
Of course you are, you deplorably depraved thrall of a zombie. Get you some books, you need them. I'd be surprised if you weren't just a bit designed to annoy me.

>>18079206
Whew.
Where's your tardguard? Shouldnt they be keeping you away from big boy sites like this?

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>>18079213
Or maybe you just suck at philosophy? You should quit grandstanding, you're obviously incompetent.

>>18079218
If you want to be tKen seriously, you'd stop using your shitty waifus to acompany your trollposts.

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Hello /x/ ! I'm an an/o/n and I have no ideea where to post this.

So here's the deal, everytime I pray something mildly bad happens in 36 hours, and when I go to the church something really bad happens in 48 hours.
The events are misterious, random, and everytime there are atleast 2 bad things happening - electronics failing, unexpected bills, urgent bank transactions get blocked for unknow reasons even by the bank, health issues.
I have over 35 accounts of bad things and misfortune happening after praying / going to church.
This cannot be an coincidence.
Can anyone tell what's going on here ? Am I being cursed ? I stopped going to the church a long time ago, and bad things happen much more rarely, but they happen from time to time.
Much thanks

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>>18079220
And now you're just using my own insults against me you talentless hack. Where is your originality? Where is your creativity? Were you born without the ability to formulate a coherent thought? Am I talking to a robot or a toddler? Did you just read some Gnostic texts and the Tao and expect that to complete your knowledge on the subject of philosophy? Have you spent even a single moment of your life pondering the nature of the five (sometimes six) critical questions?

Read you some Aristotle or Freud, begin your journey already instead of looking for a destination. The best philosophers in this world have all known that the rest stop is not the point of the journey.

>>18079237
Explain to Us the feeling that you experience while praying. Both sensory (if they happen) and non-sensory (Emotions i.e)

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>>18079228
I don't want you to take me seriously. I want you to try and understand what I'm saying instead of tiptoeing around the subject like a subversive little bitchnigga. Do you even know what a logical fallacy is? Can you even comprehend the power of the middle path? The computational superposition?

You're so bad at trolling that you aren't even pretending to be retarded at this point, you're just a footnote to my greatness.

>>18079243

Nothing really. Slightly angry that everything is going horribly downside with my life in the past 2 years, and sometimes a tear or 2 is shed.

>>18079240
You do realize that demon summoning is a religious thing and not philosophical. Thinking you can do shit just be believing reallyhard is retarded.

For anything remotely similar to happen it would require an inexplicable outside force.

Secondly i've read through many many holy books, and the moral quality of demons varies widely, with some having their only sin being disobedient to God.

Also believeing everyone should think and act like you do is the opposite of philosophy, its occultism, qnd you're a shitty cult leader since you can't even get one person to side with your imature ass.

>>18079251
Narcissus was less self absorbed than you.

Are you all fucking artistic?

>>18079254

So I've stayed away from the church for over an year now, not attending church events, passing on the other side of the street, but every now and them misterious bad things still happen.
I decided that I will seek out a priest and tell him this situation, but I want a point of view from you guys aswell.

>>18079268
We're on 4chan if thats any clue.

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>>18079255
You do realize that the concept of "demons" isn't exclusive to religion and that the broad spectrum mythology can be seen in all of entertainment, right? Your feeble mind has no grasp of what an idea even is. What a meme even is. What magic is at it's core escapes you because you haven't unified all subjects of scientific and religious inquiry into metabeliefs yet. You're a larva sitting next to a motherfucking cosmic deity right now.

https://youtu.be/7CXNa_m52r0

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>>18079255
Not only did I not even imply that you should think and act like me because let's face it, you could never come close to being even 0.00000000000001 percent as cool as I am, but you're in fact trying to install the opposite, and have me conform to your primitive notions because you think you know more than I do. You're a walking, talking, super duper pooper scooper. You sift through the shit end of other people's knowledge without accruing any of your own. You are an ignorant fucking ape, and you should be glad I have stayed around to grace you with my pure domination.

>>18079276>>18079285

Then smite me Almighty smiter.prove to me you are not a twelve year old in a fedora.and assume your role as cosmic ruler.

>>18079276
Listen you preschool attending little rat.
You're an idiot, with no concept of anything besides your own ego.
You have no job, no one to love you, to are a pathetic troll whom i'm going to ignore, and report because you are obviousoy not old EU ughtobe here.

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>>18079289
Look outside your window and see that which you have scorned, puny mortal. Behold my power.

>>18079254
>>18079269

Mmm, I understand.
Think of it this way. You are a tuning rod that has been struck at a particular frequency (the negativity in your life that you so perceive), in turn you have continued to resonate at that frequency.
Our route to fixing this situation is to change the resonation.

If the events that have caused Life to go horribly downside in your perception are beyond your physical control, you should take steps to change the perception of your Life.

If you change your perception, the resonance will change as well. And your phenomena will cease to manifest in such a way.

So yeah, anyone here have experience in summoning goetic demons? I need sallos specifically.

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>>18079302

That's the problem. All this time I've fought bravely and positive that the storm does have to end at some point, and make way for the light. I have always accepted the fact that my life is getting tougher and tougher because I am getting stronger and stronger.
Sadly, my mental stamina has depleted. It seems that no matter how hard I try, life gets tougher and tougher. For the past 2 months I'm eating once every 2 days, and I can't sleep anymore. Just 2 hour naps. My health has also gone horribly down the drain.
My perception has shifted from "one day the storm will be over" to "my life will just get worse and worse, there is no salvation for me". I don't even have the strength to go kill myself off.

>>18079318
But see, your perception has been that the movement of your Life is Down. This is couple with the feeling that you are becoming stronger, but in totality you are experiencing a Downward momentum. A result or manifestation of this Self-Destructive resonance.

You need to 'break' from your current cycle of thought and experience. Re-evaluate your own position, entirely.

>>18079331

Aside from my loyal gf, my mother, and some friends, I lost everything. My bussines, my car, my family, my health.
It's like starting from scratch.
Anyway, my initial question was why do bad things happen after I pray or go to the church ? Am I cursed ?

>>18079318
Nice M5 dude.

>>18079368
Well maybe its a test of faith, like in the book of job

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>>18079368
No, the Catholic/Christian god is just a psychotic asshole.

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>>18079371

A small contributi/o/n.

>>18079373
Thought about it. But I don't see any signs of any willingness to get anything even slightly better.

>>18079374
Probably. My morality towards religion starts to get distorted. I see many bad people who have good lifes, yet the genuinenly good people have it very hard in life. I did a fair ammount of volunteering, and the most beautiful people have the toughest lives. What sort of deity punishes the good people and cherises the bad people ?

>>18079405
Its said that hardship is the fastest way to heaven.

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>>18079428

I may be down but I'm not dead just yet. I still have small pockets of willpower to keep going, but it's not much left

>>18079449
I understand your predicament, dont abandon faith just yet though.

>>18076888

If you'd be comfortable, I'd love to hear about your experience. As much or as little as you'd like.

>>18079699
I've always been a truth seeker, ever since I was a little boy. I discovered an ugly world, full of hypocrisy and confusion and miscommunication and I rejected it. I said if nobody else can answer the questions I'm asking, then I will answer them myself. Whatever means necessary. And to do so I must reject all my preconditioning from school, from my parents, from society. So that I may be totally unrestricted and able to 'move' mentally without resistance from some stupid outside force.

In doing so I learned that the highly debated topic of human nature actually exists. We all follow the same archetype of being even though we like to reject that notion and call ourselves special and unique. Once I realized that's all I was, was the human nature conditioned inside me to survive. I thought how silly that was but that I was a slave to it, so I must obey.

Then I got into a discussion about a 'force of nature' that governs every human existence and how I couldn't identify what this force was. Somebody online told me it was the ego and then linked me to a Jiddu Krishnamurti video. I watched the video and knew old Jiddu was speaking in truths, he had to be! He was saying so much that was true with what I had found out and he held no sugar coating in his words, but he spoke so much and said so many things I didn't understand all of them yet.

cont

>>18079699
>>18079753

So I retreated into my bedroom and started thinking. Are thoughts time? Is love really fear? Can fear ever be conquered? Can I really find the timeless truth by discovering all that I am?

And so when I felt I had all the answers I needed about myself, I sat down to start the finale process; meditation. I sat down and cleared my mind of all concious thoughts. I did nothing but pay attention to all that existed in and around me. But I was still scared. Scared I was wrong, scared I'd rode the wrong path this whole scared that I was not right! And then when I asked myself why, it was because it would take a great deal of time to fix these mistakes. But the timeless truth is free from time, and so it requires no time to see. And when I understood that I was free from fear I had my mystical experience.

For a mere instant, I was nothing. And I was looking at myself, which was nothing and I saw everything. So I was everything but I was nothing. And then the instant was over and I was back in reality ready to cry at the enlightenment that took place.

I felt so happy, I felt the world was beautiful, I felt I could see love in everything and everyone and like I knew a wisdom that could not be measured. For the image I have left of my mystical experience is cloudy and mislead, as "I" was not there to experience it, it was merely the experience of nothing. Coming together to be able to see everything as it is. And I stand by this as the end of the road of truth.

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>>18079771

>>18079276
Hey faggot guess whos still alive.

>>18078905
thank you man. I'm doing some meditation lately and I've found out lots of things about myself. I stopped doing it since the cop thing, as the "sinchronicities" have flooded my life and I'm on the verge of psychosis; and my meditation sessions are too unpredictable to do until i reach a stable mindset. I know that many people wishes many things everyday, but that day I knew it was going to work, It is scary.