How to get abducted by aliens Asking for a friend

>>17962001
Just no.

Step 1: Buy a telescope
Step 2: Fit telescope up your ass.
Step 3: Go outside and lay on the ground with your ass in the air. Make sure you have the telescope facing the night sky.
Step 4: Wait for the ayy lmaos to abduct you.
Step 5: ???
Step 6: Profit

>>17962001
What is this pic from?

>>17962001
It's pretty easy, you only have to shout ''AYYY LMAO'' up at the night sky three times.

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>>17963164
im i doing it right?

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I have a story about my abduction
>be driving down the highway in my truck
>seems odd that there are practically no cars on the road even though it should be rush hour
>thick forest on both sides of road
>car stalls out so i pull over to check it out
>looks fine but wont start, lights wont even turn on
>cell phone dosent work either
>decide to wait by the road for help from the next car to drive by
>wait for what feels like hours
>no one comes (which is odd because this is a fairly major road)
>have to piss but am afraid a car will drive by while I'm gone
>cant hold it in any longer, rush off to the edge of the bush, but still close enough to see the road
>turn around to piss for like 10 seconds
>turn back and my car is gone
>didn't hear or see anything, and am only like a few meters away
>really freaking out
>start running down the middle of the highway
>run for a long time but still see no one
>too tired and scared to run any longer, just sit down in the middle of the road and start yelling for help
>suddenly i see a single light far down the road
> ecstatic, i jump up and down trying to get its attention
>notice something odd, the light is moving way too fast, and is in the wrong lane
>start to get really weirded out again when a loud screech pierced my ears
>next thing I know I've blacked out
>wake up in a daze to glaring bright lights

>>17964003
>no idea where i am but am surprisingly calm and content
>I'm in some sort of blindingly bright white lit room of sorts
>some sort of tall, thin, featureless humanoid comes forth out of the light
>seems to be almost constantly changing shape yet i still see it as familiar and almost human
>am still very calm
>i begin to hear it "speak" to me inside my head
>tells me of the importance of life and sentience and such
>i get the feeling that it wants me to follow it
>I stand up and slowly move along with it as it continues to talk about the virtues of man and communication of races
>It asks me a few questions about various things, I answer as best I can

>>17964003
that must have been a hell of a drug trip bro

>>17964015
>says it wants to show me something
>I say no and grab it forcefully by its arm
>"what are you doing Anon?!"
>dont answer, grab it with both arms and turn it around
>"Please STOP! we have so much we could learn from one another!!
>ignore it, I bend it over while it sobs and pleads with me
>undo my belt and pull down my pants
>"no..." it whimpers
>I shove my rock hard boner up its bumhole and violently rape it while it cries for mercy.
>after I'm done I toss its destroyed body on the glowing floor
>It looks up and moans "Why?..."
>I take out my sunglasses, take a puff of my cigar and shout "WELCUM TA EARF"

>>17962001

Ask them too. Give them permission and state your intent clearly so they can be allowed to fuck with your freewill and break the law of confusion.

You gotta really want it and your polarity will have to be aligned with theres. Also, they need to get something out of it.

At most they might "advertise" for you instead of a straight abduction.

>>17963135

ayy lmao

>>17964106
holy fuck someone on here knows about the laws of confusion. Also I wouldn't necessarily word it like that- be V E R Y specific in what you intend out of the event. Also be on the look out for strange events/weird synchronicities after you ask, as sometimes (usually) the act of physically breaking quarantine is /extremely/ difficult/random, but the manipulation of the mechanics of your experience is not necessarily a breaking of it- it's YOUR experience, so i advise asking to experience it rather than saying "I want to be abducted." good luck, Brother, and I hope you find what you are looking for.

>>17964106
Also: There are some complexes which do indeed exist which do not require anything out of the arrangement, only that your aims/goals be fit and just for the experience you desire to create. It is not always necessary to contact those of the Orion complex, though if you are moreso selfishly inclined they may do better to help you in your quest. Go with peace.

>>17964301
>>17964288

And someone knows about the quarantine. Info from Ra my friend?

>>17964288

I assumed he was wanting contact with orion, seeing as how the service to self are usually the ones "abducting" . Thus why I said they would need something out of it. Pretty sure the the federation aren't as picky about that kind of thing, but less likely to do anything. Unless they get permission or something.

>>17962001
They come to you usually to check up on things. They are intense assholes each and every time though. Then again, I've been disowned so there is a little tiny bit of spite in that statement.

i once had a really vivid dream where when i was asleep and i remember being dragged by my feet from my bed and it felt really fucking scary as fuck but i think I was also watching it from 3rd person i think, anyone if this was just a dream or if something happened

I have this weird theory that has no truth, as far as I know, to it at all.

I was thinking last night about how astral projection is supposed to work, you can project yourself into a different plane in which you can experience things. And sometimes see entities, as far as some people's experiences have reported.

Now, when you look up to space, do you see anything? Not really. You know how scientists across the world are searching in our physical environment for aliens...?

What if aliens exist in a different 'frequency' or they can travel from frequency to frequency, plane to plane, similar to astral projection.

It's just a thought so don't take my message as something that I have done any research on, I just thought about it last night and it has been on my mind.

If this is similar to any other theories, lemme know

>>17964961
Somewhat. I believe when we die we ultimately get to choose where we go. Wether we pass on uncertain and float around until reincarnation, meet a different being and follow them. My biggest fear would be following an institutional religion. I believe we are much greater than this earth. Following any one of our current leaders; presidents, Pope like figures, would mostly likely end in a servitude in a hellish environment.

Trips and aliens abduct you tonight

>>17965001
Rolling.

Praise kek.

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>>17963236
How do you pronounce Ayy Lmao?

>>17963135
BUT WHERE IS EVIDENCE TAG NUMBER 1???!!!

>>17964898
isnt that astral projection?

>>17962001
You don't want to be. No good will come from it. You might think you'll be treated like a guest, but you won't be. The closest analogy is the way we study animals. We knock them out with tranquilizers, perform experiments on them, and release them. And as humanely as we try to do it, it is not a pleasant experience for the animal. Blood, tissue, and other things are taken from the body. Things are implanted in the body. You may also be subjected to various psychological tests. Images and false memories will be implanted, to see how you respond. At the end of it, you're dumped back where they found you, and you'll have no idea exactly what happened to you, but you'll know that you don't want it to happen again.

>>17965123
>AYYE
>LUM OW

>>17965988
how original

>>17963135
O shit waddup

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>>17962001
Go out into the wilderness, maybe find a clearing high up.
There's a 50% chance you'll run into the scumbags of the galaxy and end up like pic related, so good luck.

>>17964961
UFOs are able to "shift" their "vibration"/"density" and therefore traverse "dimensions" or "planes" of existence. The brain/mind is able to do the same thing, yet with varied results- the UFOs do so on a much more "relevant" basis, if you catch the meaning.

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>>17967403

>>17965973
very well put

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>>17962001

Move to southern Arizona and make it known your family has a bunch of money.

>>17968316
is that book
with words

>>17962001
Blood or Plasma + Crystal + Silver Bowl/Find a forest. Job done.

https://youtu.be/QIPkei_CmlY

>>17964069
>Independance Day End

Okay I chuckled.

>>17962001
Dude, no. That shit is not funny or cool. It's not pleasant, you won't become buddies or go on a wacky adventure with them. We are food to those fucking things. Don't fuck around with this shit, you have no idea what you're asking for.

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>>17969357

>>17962001
I heard if you run outside and yell pizza as loudly as you can over and over, at exactly 4:20 AM pst you will trip an automatic sensor and will be monitored by the ones you refer to as aliens.

>>17969357
I just want to leave this dying rock.

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>>17969790
This just in
Worldly restoration is here
This is not a dying rock
It is the home base for the greatest overkill ever devised in the history of all creation.
No one is prepared to witness what's about to go down over the next several thousand years
Remember the Tyrannids? Yeah, those don't stand a fucking chance. Orks are fucked too. Humans are in their win state already and it isn't even 40k yet

say ayy lmao in the open window 3 times at 3 am on the second sunday of the month every other month

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>>17970831
>open window
>im i doing it right
>i used windows 7

>>17962001
get a green lazor and morse code something into the sky at nigth

>>17964003
>be driving down the highway in my truck
>car stalls out so i pull over to check it out

stopped reading there

>>17971599
good call aron

>>17971584
how can you see the sky if its night?

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>>17965123

>>17962001
Ask God.

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>>17975221

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>>17975221

>>17975221
Fuck off, namefag

>>17962001
Ghost Adventurers Stardust Ranch Episode ... seems legit.

>>17969538
unfortunately anons not

>>17975221

LOL he believes in god!

Now anyway about summoning those telepathic extraterrestrials...

>>17977906
>what does that even meme

>>17963164
this anon gets it

>>17965001
Haha I hope not

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>>17965001

>>17967204
context of this?

>>17964069
So hot 10/10

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>>17964106
>>17964288
>>17964301
>>17964429
>>17964450
wait..wut

>>17981156
lawofone.info

>>17967403
>concept/completely unrelated concept
>"concept"
I really hate your vague shitpost

>>17964003

>in my truck
>my car is gone

Anon went from a truck to a car to nothing. Sure schizo in here.

>>17981409
A truck is a car and when it is gone you dont have it anymore. What confuses you about this?

>>17962065

LMAO DAT SAVE DOE

>Asking for a friend

>>17981409
that moment when your truck turns into a car then disappears

>>17981409
>>17971599
all trucks are cars but not all cars are trucks

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>>17965001
Rolls

>>17965001
wew

>>17965001

please not again

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>>17965001
check them

>>17965001
i want to believe

>>17977709
ill have to watch that one

>>17962001
Just be mildly interesting

>>17968621

Yes, it's a book with words. They're even formed into sentences and somehow miraculously sorted out into paragraphs!

>>17965001
aliens might not exist

>>17965001
>>17985888
I fucked up

>>17980798

A guy in Brazil found with all the classic cattle mutilation wounds.

http://www.newsnfo.co.uk/pages/Informant%20News%20-%20Content.htm

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>>17985879
i dont believe you

>>17964069
Did it fix your car though?

>>17986168
hope they did it'd be rude as shit if they broke it and didn't fix it

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>>17965001
>bring it on

>>17985879
Fucking RPer

Everyone knows books aren't fucking real. This board is really going to shit these days.

"Oh guys. I saw a book the other day"
"Hey guys, check out this picture of a book. Pretty spooky right?"


Fuck off. We don't care about books. THEY DONT EXIST.

Can /x/ please go back to talking about shit that's real like Aliens, Tulpas, and ghosts? Please?

>>17965001
Ples

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>>17988059
>>17965001
for shits and giggles

>>17965001
>>17985888
I wasn't kidnapped... at least i think i wasn't

>>17965001
NO thanks, Tomorrows finally the day I do all the shit ive been procrastinating on.

>>17989952
said the same thing 10 years ago

>>17965001
please

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>>17965001
bring it on

>>17965001
going

>>17962001

just post here long enough and we will find you.

>>17965001
I got nothing better to do tonight.

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>>17965001
Rollin to see if I get to meet these guys

>>17962001
head out to the nearest field during the equinox, you must cleanse your body and mind and have a very receptive state of mind. When you arrive at the field, drop your pants, bend over and flash your goatse at the stars until an alien is beguiled by your arousing man-pussy and comes to you.

>>17963184
It has to be from history channel. It has that cheesy cheap history channel feel to it

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>>17990676

im fucking waiting faggot, it's been long enough

>>17962001
Obligatory
Ayy lmao

lol

>>17965123
Ayy lmao
>eh le mao
or
>I le mao

Gif
>Jif

Kek
>keck

Jpg
>jaypeg

imgur
>ima-ger

Doge
>Dogue (like vogue)

Who /butthurt/ here?
>Inb4 (YOU's)

lol

>do

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>>17990676
>aliens
>using the internet

do you think they like our memes

if i get abducted and greet them with "ayy lmao" will they get it?

>>17988059
ayy man tulpas are actually real i have one and no before you say it my tulpa isn't pinkie pie or fluttershy her name is twilight and she is really real and if you have a problem with that suck an egg you gay beaver XD

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>>17991125
could be from /3/ to you know

>>17964069
OOOOOMFG

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>>17991036
that moment when you dont have an arousing man pussy

>>17965001
ayy

>>17977709

>he claims to have killed 18 greys with a samurai sword

such a great episode

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>>17962001
>Run around with idiots from Ghost Adventures
>Stand on mountain top in the middle of the night
>speak to the ayylmaos out loud because they're up there and are certainly listening to you
>Will them to abduct you
>See tiny light in sky through binoculars
>It disappears when you try to film it
>Don't get abducted, because ayylmaos doesn't real

>>17983994
Thats so fucking weak dude earth cant broadcast for shit u should see my home planet is973 bro shits cash

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>>17965001
sure

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>>17991771
>your mom isnt real

>>17991036
what man pussy is?

>>17965123
yo mama

>>17991129
please do not rush us we have much to do here and little time

>>17991191
perhaps

>>17993266
An anus

>>17963135
Fake

>>17995212
Careful, that's quite an accusation

Ayylmao here desu

I don't want anything to fucking do with you fampaitachi. Though that's just me speaking for myself; I don't know about those other faggot aliens.

also ama me anything

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>>17991036
>>17993266
>>17995076
that moment when you dont have an anus

>>17965001
I want to believe

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>>17962001
is this your friend?

>>17967198
wrong meme fuccboi

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>>17996468
no

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>>17969811

>>17965001
Take me away

My friend says to point your butthole at Uranus.

>>17962001

If you were useful to them, you already would've been.

It doesn't work like that.

>>17991262
pics or it didnt happen

Youtube would suggest they are innawoods. I would start hiking alone frequently to better ones odds

When you see those lights in the sky, be sure to aim a laser pointer at them.

>>17963135
I'm pretty sure those plastic evidence numbers are from a Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant.

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>tfw you don't want to be abducted, you just want to chat and learn about some of the mysteries of the universe, as well as wax philosophical on Humanity's future.

There are easier ways to meet friends. So I hear.

>>17962001
Your best bet is CE5, m80.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBrc3tekBwM
Around 23:00 he does a meditation. Do it with him, and in earnest.

>>18005215
who doesnt?

>>17969306
Dee snyder aliums?

>>17965123
Pronounce it like a surprised Latino would

>>17965001
Please. I wish to be abducted.

>>17967204
This is the main reason why I wouldn't want to get abducted.

>>17965001
ayy lmao

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>>17965001
daddy needs a new pair of probes

>>17965001
roll

>>17962001
get a mental disorder going on for you like sleep paralysis

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>>18007665
no, you don't want sleep paralysis. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

>>18007679
man i dont get sleep paralysis. but i'm 31 years old and have never had a scary dream either

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>>18007665
that shit happens to me all the time and it isn't even that spooky. I must not get the hallucination part. I just try to move my arms until I snap out of it.

ayy

>>18001151
I have heard that this works.

Of course, dont do it to planes and shit. Look for the dancing lights.

>>17965186
inside your anus

>>17962001

Go out side at night
take off all your clothes
stick a sparkler up your ass
have a frind liht it
bend over, pointing the sparkler at the night sky
scream "COME N GIT IT, YOU GREY BASTARDS!"

If they take for you before the sparkler burns out, you have been successful. Otherwise, your ass will get scorched and they will laugh at you in an alien-y way as they fly back home.

>>17964069
WHAT A TWISST!

>>18007679
It's not that bad don't be a hyperbolic asshat
You've probably never even experienced it

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>>17964106
>>17964288
>>17964301
>>17964429
>>17964450

Not OP, but I'll bite. Color me interested.

What is this all about?

>>17965001
haha

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>>17965001
rollin

>>17965001
Time to rolllllll

>>18010422
shit i almost got it

>>17991181
>Doge
not pronounced
>Doe-jsh

>>17968239
kek

take a probe, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candyass!