Saw a cartoon awhile ago on /b/ about a guy who didn't want to get things for himself. Something along the lines of "honey can you get me some OJ" and the wife is like "get it yourself, you have two legs" and so he throws himself down the stairs to break both his legs and he's sitting in a wheelchair and he's happy because someone else had to get him the OJ. It's not Cyanide and Happiness.
OMG you're the BEST. Thanks :)