creative ways of calling people stupid without swearing

Why? They won't understand. Because they're stupid.

You, sir, are not the sharpest tool in the shed.

You are depriving a village of an idiot.

and there's always Shakespeare:

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!

Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!

That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years!

You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!

Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

aand my favorite: "You're not as stupid as you look, are you?"

Try actually being funny and coming up with something witty and relevant on the spot. You just look like a loser sitting around with a bunch of shitty one liners spewing out of your mouth.

youre about as sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball.

I enjoy the insult,
"Mental Midget"
Contains a rarely derogatory everyone knows, has consonance, actually makes sense because their mental faculties are dwarfed, and is very original.

>>284762
>very original
He says, using an insult wielded by thousands upon thousands before him.

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>>284755
"that boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet leather."

dumb fucker

brainlet

stupid ass motherfucker

spergie

autist

lackwit

obtuse

slow-witted

vacuum skull

brainless

zombie

slow witted

>>284508
You retard. You're on the internet. Search for your own shit.

http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/stupid?s=t

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>>285175
>anon goes on request board, complains about requests

>>285191
Ask a stupid question

>>284508
Bright as a doorknob

Aw. I love The Color of Magic. Steal some of these from Shakespeare.

Just be overly deadpan and sarcastic

In response to said retard fucking up:
"Genius"
"Good Job"

In response to them saying something stupid:
"That's that stupidest thing i've heard in like the past 3 months"
Or a simple "wow." would suffice.

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>>285242

why, thank you!