Post stand-up bits, jokes, sketches from TV/the interweb from professional comedians (includes SNL, WLIIA, etc.).
Dark humor more than welcome.
No extracts from TV series or movies as they have their own dedicated threads.
>>1842758
Nailed it? He killed it by explaining it.
>>1842755
TOP TIER
>>1842776
He didn't explain it, 'especially the finish line' was part of the tweet I presume.
>>1842786
If it's over explained in the tweet, it's over explained.
>>1842758
>standup routine about his twitter feed.
that's pretty weak desu
Am i doing this right?
>>1842755
Jeselnik is a fucking boss
>>1843517
I love moon TV
>>1844156
I really do love that man
>>1843830
I think I see, what, you're saying
>>1843489
Wonderful
>>1843392
If only it were that simple
Gotta get some Carlin in here!
>>1844281
I wish I had this guy as a classmate in HS
>>1844579
moar!
>>1844579
Perhaps one of his funniest stand ups before he started talking more about religion and the government.
Could someone do some Mitch Hedberg?
>>1845642
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGASvVqzOa0
>>1844832
well considering how using the wrong pronoun comes with jailtime in Canada and hefty fines in Europe, maybe it's at least silver.
Unless you're making fun of christians and republicans at which point it's a "you tried" sticker for participation in an overcrowded field that's as edgy now as a basketball.
>>1845789
Very good.
norm mcdonald is not funny
>>1842763
whats this from? recognized tim minchin beside him now I wanna watch it
>>1845873
Yes he is
>>1845874
The Green Room
>>1845873
Everybody is entitled to their own opinion; everybody has a different sense of humor. Nobody is right or wrong.
>>1845687
HOLY SHIT I completely forgot about this bit! Fucking crying from laughing through the whole thing
>>1844156
unfunny fuck
>>1846062
>people thought this fag was funny
he stole a lot of his material too
>>1845851
O that was a good one
>>1846074
Cite your sources on that
>>1842755
>>1842758
>>1844223
this guy sucks dick vs uncle sammy
>>1846085
>Robin Williams was accused of stealing material from another comic. David Brenner claims that he confronted Williams personally and threatened him with bodily harm if he heard Williams utter another one of his jokes
>>1846093
Strange how that entry was removed from his Wikipedia page.
>He noted that the competitive comedy club atmosphere could cause problems. For example, some comedians accused him of intentionally copying their jokes, although Williams strongly denied ever doing so.[43] Whoopi Goldberg defended him, explaining that it is difficult for comedians not to pick up and reuse another comedian's material, and that it is done "all the time."[50] He later avoided going to performances of other comedians to deter similar accusations.[50]
>>1846094
>Long before he was an Oscar winner, Robin Williams was known to comics as a major material thief. He was even alleged to have used other comedians' material on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show. One well-traveled anecdote claims that when fellow comics spotted Williams in the audience of a comedy club, they would immediately stop their act to prevent him from writing down their best jokes. According to Richard Zoglin's book Comedy at the Edge, David Brenner once asked Williams' agent to "Tell Robin if he ever takes one more line from me, I'll rip his leg off and shove it up his [bleep]!" Williams discussed his younger days in comedy and of not understanding the consequences of borrowing material with Marc Maron in 2010; he once playfully referred to the practice as "joke sampling."
>>1846097
>Williams discussed his younger days in comedy and of not understanding the consequences of borrowing material with Marc Maron in 2010; he once playfully referred to the practice as "joke sampling."
wtf i hate robin williams now
Regardless of his plagiarism, Robin Williams is still funnier than Dane Cook.
>>1846106
they are both pretty fucking bad
hacks
>>1846111
Still, I can find Robin Williams amusing; Dane Cook tries too hard.
>>1846116
they have the same shtick practically
cept for williams does voices and dane screams
its still the same neurotic style that include whack body movements
>>1845709
Rodney never fails to make me laugh
And then all the wit went down the drain and a blunt tirade against Anne Coulter started. Damn libcucks. I had to drop 1 out of 8 cats during Brexit for that kind of bullshit.
But at least these 2 minutes 40 seconds were fun.
>>1846194
10/10
Savage
>>1846194
Fucking brilliant and savage. You can see Spade's heart crumble.
>>1846194
God, I love how uncomfortable Carr made everyone
>>1843517
"fuckin a, lets go m8"
>>1846194
is this shit supposed to be funny?
>>1845687
RIP in peace you glorious bastard
>>1844156
What is the joke?
>>1846228
Jimmy Carr has never been funny.
>>1846050
Because you're an underage fuck.
>>1846202
It only makes it more funny. Seeing celebrities being uncomfortable is such a cathartic experience.
Wow, I can tell from what's posted ITT that I have the best sense of humor here.
>>1842755
<jeselnik
>comedy
you're doing it wrong.
>>1843445
he's funny, but I can't listen to him on a podcast anymore because of the constant gross phlegmy cough and snorting.
>>1846228
it's a roast, it's supposed to be brutal. The thing about roasts is it's really only other comedians who think it's funny.
>>1845849
This is the best greatest 3-4 minutes of Conan that has ever happened
>>1846194
FUCK, the 9/11 was brutal
>>1845899
That might be the first time I've ever seen Colin break character.
>>1847069
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcJv0GLrWEw
Not the full one but that was the only time I ever saw everyone lose it.
>>1845873
Wow look at this dumbass
>>1847007
That's why I said What Am I Doing in New Jersey? was one of his funniest stand ups before he started talking more about religion and the government.
I agree with you about his later stand ups being good, but not funny.
>>1847260
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtjH--XtBl4
>>1845937
you really need to grow up and stop using this fallacious argument
i don't need to be gordon fucking ramsey to refuse dogshit served on a plate
>>1847199
Sauce?
>>1844768
Explain this one?
>>1847496
he stuck it in her pooper
>>1845709
That was a lot of cuck jokes
>>1847500
>insulting people is funny
>>1847592
>>1847486
The Jeselnik Offensive, season 1
>>1847069
This one is great too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13wEuXLk958
>>1847459
nice anal ogy m8
>>1846194
god damn i hate roasts
they are never ever funny
>>1845851
WHAT A BATTLE AXE
>>1843422
why is that black curtain talking
>>1842758
>he had to explain his joke at the end
Fucking state.
>>1846194
I've heard some roasts before, but holy fuck... Usually there's an air of levity in them, where you are bashing your cohorts, but not trying to outright make them disgusted.
They're good jokes, but holy fuck, that was fucking brutal. Something about that didn't seem like some good jabs, but he was going in for a kill.
>>1846905
every roast ive ever seen has been uncomfortable and awkward as hell. not even in an ironically funny way. just a bunch of comedians who don't actually wanna be there. no connection whatsoever
>>1847871
>he hasn't seen Norm on the roast of Bob Saget
The audience was shit, but the comedians had a blast.
>>1842848
I thought the exact same thing when watching the special.
"Today there are some lines that will not be crossed" was perfect, no excess fat on the joke.
>>1847500
I love the way Rob pronounces STUPID QUESTION every time.
>>1847592
sauce? comedian name at least?
>>1843422
>have you had a pull
kek
>>1847555
It was acceptable back then to make fun and laugh at losers.
>>1847661
>I don't want to answer the phone and shit, it could be a job
>>1843830
you're talking to me, all, wrong. You, talk to, me, that way, again, and I'll stab you, in the, eye, with a soldering iron.
>>1845855
well whose line gone to shit
>>1846194
Leave it to the English to do a proper roast. He is fucking brutal in his delivery.
>>1848087
Richard Jeni
>>1844832
Yeah you're a real critic we care about.....
>>1846194
>>1845687
Hey Robin, how ya hangin?
>>1847646
Punchline in the filename,
nice one dumbass
>>1847591
I'm sorry to hear you had a hard time in grade school
>>1847877
god I absolutely fucking lost it at norm's routine
none of my friends thought it was funny though
>>1847592
Fucking shitty audience claps for anything he says. It's so annoying
>>1846086
this isn't a /pol/ /k/ cringe thread
>>1848471
>>1848471
>>1848530
>>1846047
great one
>>1847199
urgh man how does he do that.
>>1848347
>Just goes straight into kys
Jimmy on 4chan too much
>>1847327
>you get the shiny one
>this telescope wants more coins!
everytime
>>1848272
>People missed this.
Fuck i miss Patrice
>>1849667
>>1848370
Every roast has a target, someone for everyone to poke fun at. The person gets another 15 minutes of fame or gets exposure for whatever product they are shilling. If it's all comedians it loses something.
>>1846127
Patton used to be fucking hilarious.
His wife's death really has turned him into a failure pile in a sadness bowl.
>>1848087
He was in the Mask movie with Jim Carrey, I think he committed suicide iirc
>>1848775
I know, and they all reacted so well. It takes a lot of balls to take that risk.
Ive never cringed and felt so heartwarmed at the same time before.
>>1849988
I appreciate what he's doing because they're probably sick of "pitty" or shit like that, and in need of laughs.
>>1848483
fuck you, i enjoyed it!
>>1845748
What a fucking legend. Gone too soon.
Comedians I currently listen to, in no particular order...
Mitch Hedburg
Robin Williams
Ron White
Patton Oswalt
Luis C.K.
Lewis Black
Dan Cummins
Kyle Kinane
Chad Daniels
George Carlin
Rodney Dangerfield
Christopher Titus
Chris Rock
Kevin Hart
Cannibal Buress
Richard Pryor
>>1848362
ROFLMAO XD
>flyingawayinmyroflcopter.jpeg
>>1849981
>>1844156
That bit is not only stolen from Greg Giraldo, it's been reworked fro a sharp two-sentence joke into a horribly cumbersome, wordy and unfunny mess that shows no respect for the audience's intelligence.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HawGbaQUyXs&feature=youtu.be&t=3m59s
>>1845849
norm is so good, I am surprised I hardly ever heard of him
>>1847591
>t. american
>>1850490
You missed serveral posts, buddy.
>>1844223
That girl was an obvious plant
>>1851182
Somehow "white people smell like ham" made me kek really hard.
>>1845851
this bit made me realize how much I love Norm
>>1845873
it's funny because a comedian said it
>>1844579
why did people ever think he was insightful or intelligent...or funny?
>>1845292
I read this in his voice.
>>1849667
Patrice, why did you leave us?!
>>1848304
yeah, that black host that worked with Ubisoft too is fucking terrible
what the fuck where they thinking
>>1848775
It's not hard if they laugh. If they got upset he would have choked. The first joke was tame, funny for anyone, only indirectly related to cancer.
I've been researching about Robin Williams' joke theft and so far know that he has stolen the Dock Ellis LSD joke and the Sammy David Jr. joke, although I cannot find the originals (not his) if they were ever recorded.
What jokes did he steal from David Brenner?
>>1851632
Or a better question, which jokes were originally told by Robin Williams, that weren't stolen?
>>1851662
Apparently so if he profited from his work.
>>1851663
whats so funny
>>1851665
>implying
>>1851692
I'm just pulling that out of my ass; I'm just assuming his albums sold well. I'm not going to verify it.
>>1851741
it was more of
>implying all art isnt stolen
>implying making money off art isnt selling out
>>1851669
girl in audience yells something like "take off your jacket" and another guy responds "SHUT UP BITCH!"
>>1842796
This reminds me a lot of the Mr. Show where neither guy will back down from a fight, and they end up getting married and growing old together.
>>1848531
Thank you
>>1844156
Stealing jokes from Greg Giraldo? And somehow making it unfunny? Pathetic.
>>1848370
She was promoting another one of her books, even brought it to the podium with her.
>>1852351
RIP Charlie, this nigga didn't see enough limelight.
>>1842755
Silver at max
>>1842755
>gold
>Jeselnik
this has to be bait
>>1852783
fantastic contribution.
>>1852704
they should make a webm of the
>supermodel brain surgeon joke
>>1853139
So, he's no better than Robin Williams or Dane Cook...
Gotcha!
>>1850313
God bless the polish.
>>1852686
classic todd howard
>>1843489
I like this
>>1846194
I'M BEING EDGY
I'M BEING EDGY
THIS IS FUNNY RIGHT
>>1847593
>now let's go down in Texas where our reporters are attempting to make a tragedy victim cry on the air
Topical.
>>1853487
well actually yeah dude. try to curb your autism for two seconds and take some context clues. theyre pretty clever bait and switch type jokes that are applicable and specific to the careers. roast humor isnt always particularly funny to a lot of people cause its just people being mean to other people but its not particularly edgy or unfunny.
>>1853139
He said that all of these folks go out there and try to be shocking and that the only shocking thing left to do was to do that. He got the jokes from a book his dad gave him that is full of jokes for retirement parties
>>1846227
they are kiwis not aussies
>>1845688
Second.
Respect for the gone and not forgotten pls
>>1846194
I just figured Ann Coulter was dumb my whole life until i read her books.
>>1853142
>Telling jokes from a joke book is material theft
> hundreds of millions of material thieves currently wander the Earth now
Hath we no shame?
>>1854270
Asian girl was definitely not a 3. qt af
>>1853600
and?
>>1845846
funny as shit
>>1845829
>using the wrong pronoun comes with jail time in Canada
But that's wrong you idiot, this has been disproved so many fucking times.
>>1846194
plz host the oscars
>>1853134
>>1855983
>that blonde cunt that tries to act all ofended but cant hold down
>>1842786
that doesn't matter. he explained it. doesn't matter if it was on twitter or at the stand up.
OC
>>1855983
Holy shit that's great
>>1856367
I like how his Paedophile voice is basically a gay man
>>1851432
this tbqh
im guilty of this partially, I thought he was the funniest thing in highschool but watching it now, I cringe thinking how I ever laughed at this
>>1856671
my left ear thought this was hilarious.
>>1848347
i kek'ed in the third lol
>>1844156
I fucking love this man, but I don't think he should've ever gone with the stand up thing.
He's one of the best at improv comedy, the whole LLS was proof of it
>>1844832
>is being offensive his only shtick
His routine also features tediously explaining every punchline
>>1856813
I'm not American, I could never just turn on my TV and watch some late night show, but LLS I downloaded whenever I could. I loved his interviews, because he would never ask the obvious, like: "So, what's the movie about?" or "How was it working with xyz?" He'd definitely talk about what the guest was promoting, but only briefly. Then he'd just talk about random stuff, whatever came to his mind. He was one of the very few hosts that could make big stars look human.
>>1845687
Fuck yes. Thank you Robin!
>>1856834
Don't forget the flirting.
Man had the best smooth talk in the history of tv
>>1856778
I wasn't using headphones, so I couldn't tell.
>>1844832
no the shtick is bait and switch, and cynical narcissism.
>>1845709
"are you kidding me" Rodney is the GOAT
>>1852741
>im just some fucking guy
lost
>>1850193
no one fucking asked
>>1857100
So why reply?
To get a (You)?
>>1857343
just to suffer
>>1856316
mein eers
>>1857345
I feel you.
>>1856316
This gonna look bad for his Israeli masters
>>1856367
I get the joke, but back then, 'paedophila' wasn't a thing. Artists were free to capture and create human beauty in what ever sex or age they saw it. Also in most cases, the "pissing" fountains are meant to be "Cherubs", like those little baby angel things, who weren't really simply just children, but rather child-like entities meant to symbolise purity and innocence.
>>1845687
>>>
Saw that live. RIP, you glorious son of a bitch.
>>1857416
Holy shit, I remember watching this.
>>1857419
Knowing he has stolen jokes in the past made me lose some respect for him, but I still find his performances amusing,
>>1851432
this
>IF I YELL LOUD ENOUGH AND MAKE COUNTER POINTS IT'S FUNNY
>>1856316
couldn't resist
>>1846047
Never ever no-sell a japanese wrestler.
>>1856698
can you imagine that shitstorm if a white guy stood on the stage trying to mimmick a retarded chink
>>1851742
>implying making money off art isn't selling out
That's fucking stupid
>>1846194
> His father was a New York City firefighter who died in service during the September 11 attacks.[11][12] He was last seen running up the stairs of the Marriott World Trade Center, just prior to its collapse. Davidson, who was seven years old at the time, was profoundly affected by the loss. He told The New York Times that it was "overwhelming" and that he would often act out in school as a result of the trauma, at one point ripping his hair out until he was bald.
>>1858061
>>1857407
Yes.
Why pissing, though?
>>1850313
>sage polish woman teaches americans to face grief instead of ignoring their sadness and distract themselves with superficial pleasure
>>1854270
i just know that those fat jokes really really hurt those chicks. No fat teen girl can cope with that shit, be it for tv or not
>>1854498
>british "comedy"
>>1857416
>dog
>tree
ahahahahahahaha
>>1846194
Look at all the fucking Americucks getting all uppity over some banter in this thread, it's hilarious.
>>1859093
It's not as bad as how the British responded to losing the American Revolutionary War.
>hey let's wait a couple decades to attack them again; that'll show 'em
>>1842763
that wasnt that offensive. i heard more offenve jokes on 4chan
>>1854498
iwhy she is always like whispering just before laughing track? i cant understand shit
>>1854465
thirsty as fuck
>>1859161
Holy fuck this is brilliant, sauce?
My Man Doug.
There was more to the clip but I couldn't get it all to fit and stay under 4mb.
>>1859258
A bit of Fry and Laurie, early sketch show they did, went for 4 seasons. Jeeves and Wooster is also excellent.
>>1857873
You really need to watch some Louis CK and realize that it's all about the presentation.
>>1859478
I can't find his bit about how he was getting his daughters ready for school and suddenly had to take a shit.
>>1859288
Nobody tops Doug
>>1859288
God damn, it just kept getting better and better!
>>1852351
god damn it you made me remember he died this year
>>1859288
holy fucking shit he just couldn't stop
>>1844579
carlin was never funny
Disappointed nobody posted gaspacho
>>1851432
No google back then?
>>1857468
Stolen or not, the man's delivery was fucking phenomenal.
>>1847555
His entire style was just "My life sucks and everyone hates me" but he nailed it so spectacularly that you can't help but be in fucking tears from it. He used his goofy looks to his advantage too, called himself the poster child for birth control.
>>1845851
Norm Macdonald is fucking superhuman. He does not stop his banter until literally everyone is howling with laughter, and he will do everything in his power to make smaller, personalized ones for anyone who can't handle the big bombs.
>>1852686
Some 20 years later...
Eddie Murphy:
>Can get in whatever fucking movie he wants, still a comedy icon
David Spade:
>Joe Dirt 2
There's not enough unfunny comedians in this thread.
>>1845687
The world has only got worse since he died
>>1846194
Brits would be funnier if I knew that they didn't shut up and cry alone in their rooms when the banter comes back their way. They're so used to dishing it out that they forget that anyone has a witty comeback. And everyone wonders why they hate the Scots and Irish.
>>1848518
> Haha your dad died trying to save people. Haha, I'm so edgy. Haha all whites in my country are getting acid thrown on their faces, haha who cares about pride in your country when you have the queen and muslims. Haha.
>>1845268
>>1845264
>>1845261
>>1845257
Fun fact, the roaster in these events is typically humiliated in a sort of sacrificial celebration later on as a demonstration of supremacy against criticism. The roaster knows this, the roasted audience knows this and a subtext of pervading doom fills the entire space where, on the surface, a night of good-hearted laughter should be taking place.
>>1845846
Legit gold
I hate moralfags on TV so much
>>1859029
not really a good example of the gold that does come out of the UK i'll give you that. IT crowd does have its moments though.
So, Bruce Jenner is in Norm's latest episode. And Sarah Silverman's episode was garbage. But Seinfield's, Letterman's and Tyson's were great.
Has anyone watched Bruce Jenner's episode? Do they mainly talk sports, or do I risk wasting an hour like with Silverman's?
I mean, I understand why Norm had them on, him being on JAST's leash and all. But did he manage to salvage it, or am I better off skipping it this week?
>>1862773
>JAST
I mean, JASH.
>>1844832
worked for jimmy carr
>>1856301
it was the punch line
>>1848483
You sure sound like a guy who knows what comedy is sweety
>>1859288
You let the Keynes part out, which is the best part.
New thread
>>1864185
>>1864185
>>1864185
>>1864185
>>1844579
why are people laughing?
>>1845873
i mean, if he its a succesfull comedian, i think he is, otherwise he'll be starving
>>1864329
The thread can't be bumped.
>>1864175
How can an audience overreact so much to a joke as simple as that?
>>1864549
low standards
>>1861350
eddie is deep in debt tho
>>1854465
she totally was a 3, 3 as in qt 3,141
>>1845647
>I had to earn porn
Fucking amen.
>>1845709
Loved this guy on the simpsons. Should really look up more of his schtick. So funny.
>>1846127
I didnt get this at all. What was the joke?
>>1852741
That is just so good. There is a british version of this which is also brilliant.
>>1865799
The KFC Bowl ideas is stupid - that's the joke.
Unrelated post.
>>1844579
Is it funny in the 80s or
>>1863059
Pretty good