The Feeling

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What's up, anon? What's got you down?

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>>6745692
these kinds of wallpapers wreck me.

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>>6745692
Its just crazy to really wallow in
>Its all for nothing...after everything
>no one cares
>everybody leaves and dies
>and no one remembers

Im dropping out of college to go live with family in shitty 3rd world country just to get away from immediate family here... the happiest moment of the night was tearing pavement down the highway... just knowing that any bump on the road would send me sideways and out.

Just relapsed and my clinic wont let me sit with the groups cuze im using...

To be honest Im just lettinh my foot rest on the pedal and seeing how far I can go... and its gotten a bit much but I'm still letting it happen. My dealer talked me into road tripping with him up north to a festival and taking 5lbs of weed to smoke and sell once were in. Then using the money we make we buy whatever we can get our hands on.

A couple of months ago I might have said no from the moment he brought it up, but now I just dont care enough about me or anything to stop me

>ranting
Im sorry, I guess Im on my period or something. Its just shit all the time and I dont really get breaks from it. Its too long of a story

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Maybe you just need change, anon.

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Hmm. Well.. I know it's hard (I struggle with this a lot, too), but a lot of life is just perspective... Gotta try to see the good in things sometimes, even though everything may feel like shit... I dunno.. If you're feeling like crap though I would try to stay away from drugs as much as possible.. In my experience they are better when you're in a good place. I hope things get better for you though.

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Life can change in a moment. Hang on just a bit longer!

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I really wish I could
>just do it faggot

>>6745726
Sounds like a storm, Anon. Do you think you'll be OK?

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>>6746317
I mean... I feel like only a handful of people will even know what I'm actually talking about but everyday of my life is

>"Hey anon hows your day been?"
>"You know man... always good"
>response to everyone, even when my mom flushed my work account
>tfw I haven't seen a cent of those 15-grand
>tfw I can remember the last time I woke up and was looking forward to the day
>I'm probably happiest when I'm dreaming, no matter what crazy scary shit is happening because I always get away until I wake up/die

>fucking hang me

And that's what I hate the most. I'm not doing anything to kill myself immediately, but I always get high as fuck and get on the highway... I checked on the thread earlier and it kind of hit me when I was packing my bowl my car.
>cant post from mobile because my internet is shit

>I drive like I do because I hope the crash kills me
>when I go for walks in hood areas, I;m not exploring and finding spots, I'm hoping I get mugged by the dealers that post up there
>promoting my dealers drugs, not to get the cash, but just to put my ass on the illegal side


fuck me dude..... I really just cant do this much more....

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>>6746708
It may not mean much m8 but I honestly feel your pain. I'm in the same place but drown myself in alcohol every night. Nihilism and cycnism is all I have left, but heres a Pape for you anyway.

The guy I have to be because no one else can. Fucking family... they'll kill you.

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>>6746726
>Nihilism and cycnism is all I have left
It strange to see someone else express this

I still remember when I felt that for the first time, and I was even a little happy. I was comfortable with it, knowing I was an asshole but I was "happy". But I haven't actually been in... years now

>tfw you tear up because you're actually typing how you feel

...I don't want to start talking about family because some of them are the biggest hinges on my life and those are some long stories

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I have so many things to say...I just don't know how to begin. Anon, this shit sucks and I'm sorry. I've been there, I've felt like...will this ever end? Is there even a way out? And if there was, would it be enough? I haven't figured it out yet...but I have done a lot of things differently, that's for sure. I guess, what is it YOU want? What makes YOU happy? Because I don't believe it's really any of the sadness you've expressed here...

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>>6746735
Best thing about hinges is, you can always remove them from closed doors.
Remove the hinges, anon.

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>>6746743
>what is it YOU want? What makes YOU happy?
I just want freedom man.... there is so much to that but... I really cant go round it. To be happy I need to get leave the house Im in now... after that....
Im just really tired man.... Im so ready to let go at any moment

>>6745726
>road trip
If you go best case you make new friends and forget about some of those problems plus you'll have stories to tell.
Worst thing you loose nothing cause you don't care and have stories to tell cause you've done something and didn't just sit here in a safe place.

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>>6747351
>fair enough
Alright anon. Im not home yet.... At the moment Im busy. But Im almost home. When I get online I'll buy my ticket.
>EDC tickets are $200
>not my money
>still feels like nothing when I know it should
>whats wronge with me

Side note: after thinking about death for a while, its starts becoming... Appealing yea? Like... Theres real liberty there you know?

>>6746757
spooky wallpaper

>>6746757
2spoopy

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I just have to get this out. I'm sick of being alive. I really am. Everything I've said and thought has been said and thought before. I don't want to go on. I've been told it will get better. It just doesn't get any better. I've heard every platitude. They don't help. I don't want advice. I just want to put my thoughts out there in some vain attempt of expelling it from my soul. Maybe it will help. I know it won't though.

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Just made this.
off to work.

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>>6748881

Was bored, made this version for non-vaporwarefage using my mad MS Paint skills

>>6748881
I feel the same. My life has been shit from the cradle and will be to the grave I suspect.

I have never had any kind of meaningful conection with another human being, can you believe that, ever. My parents never cared about me, all I ever got criticism and judgment, I wasnt allowed to visit friends or have them visit me, so I never made any as a child. Now I'm an adult making true friends is practically impossible.

I've always had suicidal thought but stayed them off by convincing myself that my parents/siblings would be devastated, but even argument has outstayed its welcome at this point, I am so fucking ready to go.

I made a pact with myself, I'll give it 5 more years, 5 years of real effort to change things, if they don't I'm pulling the trigger.

>>6747393
>its starts becoming... Appealing yea?

Yes, comforting, actually a happy thought to me. The bullshit, the suffering, it ends, people keep telling you that you ought to stick around but it's just for the sake of their own concience, it's a purely selfish effort to make themselves feel better. If life is suffering then what right has anybody to insist I stick around in a life that is misery and a future that will in all likelihood be more misery.

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>>6749290
>>6749285
>>6748974
>>6748881

>not the only that admits to pain anonymously in hopes it will help
>tfw it never does

Life is pain. No matter how you look at it, it always wraps back around to it....
>nothing matters
>no one cares
>existence is pain
>no one asked to be here
>the chance that we may one day be happy and get to experience our fantasies
>tfw my fantasy is release...

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>>6745687
Hey man
Stuff your worries in a sack.

come to lounge C here ts3[dut]team-carbon[dut]org

and lets see if we cant cheer you up

look into boosting your test and youll be fine. This is coming from a 21 year old handholdless virgin with 1 friend

chemicals can make you care about life in ways that dont seem real

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>>6750091

>hope
>copy url
>paste and fix
>doesn't exist
>awesome
guess its my fault for thinking anything good could happen... ever....

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I'm not good with words of comfort, so all I can do is post what is my favorite wallpaper. Staring at it has brought me peace in some of my more troubled times of late, and I can only hope I will one day live in or at least visit a place like this. I hope you can find your peace, Anon.