Sharing a handful of papers

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this one gives me hope

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this was how we became more than friends.

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There was this fucking manga I read.
thanks to that bitch now I am going to find a bitchass disabled girl to make her life a bit better. not way to disabled. like can't hear. or if she couldnt speak. (bet it is a win if she wont ever speak)

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and will grow old. fart around our grandchildren.
develop an ubermensch society within our family

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there was this other girl... I wasn't exactly faithfull...

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the newly mentioned girl and i fucked once. There was passion but never love.
The thing about the relationship is that emotional stuff, like falling and liking someone else is cheating. while you can fuck whatever you like

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But she fell for a dick... she started to want children of her own. like two mothers ain't fucking good enough for a kid.

But I believe she made up all those wonderfull sub-arguments to leave me only because she loved riding that boy more than she loved my way of taking care of her...

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I was the one who was working, i was the one who needed taking care of. always tired, so a hug after work was like therapy. those hugs would turn out to be getting naked more often than not.

Now when I get home after work, there is noone to hug. not even a guitar, not a pet...

Had to give the guitar away...
Burried my dog during fucking christmas....

Wonder how I get to live with myself. I never have time to look for people. work, studies, rest. the cycle never rests. I can't do the search. not to mention it was a bit hard to find a girl like me.

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And it's funny how right about 75% of all girls are okay to kiss another girl. Make out brutally. and "no hard feelings?", "just for fun, right?".

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Do you know the feeling, when your lips are so close to someone elses, but they havent touched yet? those shivers all around the face and down the back like lightining.

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there was this time of silence we had. about ten month into calling eachother "mine".

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We ran out of things to say. nothing meaningfull, nothing to inspire or motivate. so we made a deal of shutting the fuck up for a while.

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the while lasted for a half a year. we could only speak (make sounds to eachother), if we watched naruto shippuden till Naruto beats Pain. that was a powerfull bossfight. the series should've ended there...

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She would write notes for to say what she thinks ,I would write her fucking poetry while she slept, but we usually would understand eachother without words. it was easier han ever to exist around eachother without being obligated to have something to say.

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our relationship lasted longer than anything else I've ever had. I am loosing hope to be close to someone else the way I was close to her.
By heart she was my pulse. somewhat of a vital motivation.
By mind she was my kick. an inspiration to create, she was my beautiful little muse.
By body she was my hug. a physical stimulation that what more than enough to feel pleased with life.

Can anyone ask for something more or less?

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But even with the information that I have now and an opportunity to relive my life the way i wanted to, I would still choose to live the same way. Be with her till' the very end that has past...
There is so much shit I still feel, I need to say. But I ran out of wallpapers...

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I'm sorry, m8, iktf

Hope everything turns out daijoubu

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This was really painful for me to read.

Hope you're doing okay anon.

op. break something.
a treasure
a bone
a memory
a bond
it'll help things clear up in the long run

Holy shit this thread made me depressed af. Hope OP gets better. Remember 4chan is always here.

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>>1995383
and this is how all the nice feels I had this week got blown away. Sorry for your loss anon. Haven't had the same predicament but know others where they were the ones working and got shafted similarly. Chin up, face forward. You're not dead

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made a bit more in that same 1366x768. I like it. scales well. besides it fits my laptop perfectly... bigger resolutions lag a bit. the desktop simply lags. shits ridiculous.

Updating the same story. a bit less drunk than last time.

So I took the advice...
>CrazyLaughter.png
>javascript:quote('1995672');
Went out to the city. Got myself a pair of wine bottles. some strong red, halfsweet and ass of a white wine. good stuff. Sang a bit. wore gloves, cuz it was cold.
Saw my ex's dream car parked in a dark parking lot. Mustang or some other muscle car.
>FuckYouMuscles.jpg
threw almost finished red wine bottle at the front window. laughed. then started to panic. shit. cameras. shit fingerprints. climbed in, and it looked like the driver hit a deer the day before, bloodlike looking wine exploded upon the interior with great ferocity, unlike a that one reckless lizard wizard poping its eye to spill predators with their own blood. The stain didn't look like a quiet conversation about brokenhearts, brokenDreams and contemplated suicide. it was a masterpiece of modern expresionism.

Took the biggest part of the bottleneck out of the car, capped a picture of that beutiful reflection of my soul. ran the fuck out.

A few crossed streets later I saw this girl... blue lipstick shone in the dark on her. I WANT THAT!

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A ran up to her, screaming wait like a goat. I really wanted her to take notice. her keys fell to the ground and i caught up. Her eyes were so sad, like she was okay with being raped and murdered on the spot. It was super hot by my standards.
I noticed her beautifull shoes, looking like something referencing Black Rock Shooter. SHE'S INTO ANIME.
>FuckYes.jpg
"hi, you look beautiful, and those shoes, sorry to scare you, didn't mean you, damn to hot, i want to be your friend, you look a bit fucked up, i am fucked up too, we can be, we could be, we should be friends, maybe more, are you into girls, holy shit, can i have your shoes, they look so cool, wanna trade, i am good at listening, now you talk, and drink"
I spilled something like this so quickly in one breath i was amazed myself. I handed out the unopened white wine bottle. she took it.her eyes started to narrow. She put the winebottle down. she took of her shoes, sat down and tapped a spot nest to her as a sign to sit down. the way I made that manuever would be better described as crumbling than sitting the fuck down. she sat there silent looking at me. I thought, shit she can't speak, how lucky am I? How hard should I try to get to her? fuck how do we communicate?
She gestured for me to close my eyes, and to open my mouth. Without thinking i did that. She put smt small on my tongue. I said "amen". That was something of the trippers kind.
So I had a trippy soulfull experience after that.

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We went to her walked a lot around the oldtown, i was tripping so hard like a dick on doubledose'o'viagra. I thought I died, so I talked to some lights.
smt I remember from that shit was :
"The brighter I shine, the less lights I see around, the less time I have got to live, the less i have got to live for."

The trip ended. I was alone. Didn't want to go home yet. So went and ate at McDolans. fuck it, quick metabolism rules. Morning came, And I still didn't want to go home. or to work, called in sick. But fuck the hospitals, i took a weeklong vacation on the spot. went and bought a 12 string guitar, its like six strings, but each string doubles up and the fullbody warmth condom campers use (forgot the word, too lazy to google, hope you get it). Spent a half of my savings on that. then I picked a spot next the door, where I met the blue lips silence. at that moment i noticed I had her shoes. cool.
So I played, every song I ever played, and remember vaguely how to play. the first few hours were simply learning and adjusting to the instrument. But by the end of the day some a random FuckBoi looking dude came and asked if I need help, I reply with:"No thanks, i play for the streets, not for sweet honey money". He laughed in a girly cute way. it was an inhale laughter. cute. He took out a fullcap kind of hat out of his backpack. left it next to me "Never too much money, never to many black hats" left.
So I continued playing.
It was a bit after 22:00. some Gopnik Moroz Lox Debil came. asked me to play some metalica. but they said it like "Meteliza". funny. so I did. Then they started asking questions out of context. tried to be kind, but they were really pulling my leg. One of them asked my to hand him my fresh guitar. I promised to give it to him if he quoted eminem "lose yourself". I though it was funny. He couldn't some of them tried to quickly google it. Then they started to peck and mock me, they tried taking my guitar away. it was fucking physical abuse...

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Told them I' call the cops, they said the same - I played after 22:00, so it was a disturbance to peoples sleep and blah blah. I felt so little. On the verge of beggining to cry. they took it away. I laid there breathfless. One of them (Debil- A name i gave to him in my head) started playing something rushian in a jamaican style. they sang it while i was shattered there. Gopnik took the hat with some change people had put into it. I just couldn't. like what the fuck. fucking men. fucking rushians. and noone's around to witness this. I started to look for my phone, found it. hands shaking, tried to turn it on. fucking charged out. last time I charged it was more that 30 hours ago. shitphone. So i did what i though would scare them. "HELP!" I screamed in the highest pitch at the top of my lungs. Debil kicked me in the head and my head hit the ground hard. Couldn't move or breath for moments. But there was no cold or warm in those thoughts about me being close to fucking death. Lox Moroz and Gopnik stopped singing along Debil. They were scared and disgusted by his actions too.
closed my eyes for a bit, opened them to a magical sight. The FuckBoi running fullspeed like a ram, transforms into a kangoroo, duoble leg jump, stretched them forward halfbent aiming for the back of one of them. "CYKA BLYAD". FuckBoi makes a massive push with his legs upon contact with those triplelined adidas clothes on the back. I swear I heard a cracking sound and and thought that a head would separate. The most erotic (I'm a creep, I'm a weirdow) faceplant I've ever seen. The one holding my guitar Smashed it into FuckBois head, while he tried to get back on his two feet after that kangoroostyle taijutsu. My guitar shattered.
>FuckBoi uses deep beastly roar.
>FuckBoi buffed af.
> oponents are feared, skip turn.
> FuckBoi suckerpunches the guitarthief. Stun
> FuckBoi attempts to combo. 3 hits to the jaw area. super effective.
Saw a couple of the bitches running away as quick as rabbits

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Woke up in a on a two person bed. Don't remember how the fuck. What, the fuck. Hoped to see BlueLipSilence. nope. noone's home. Found a note "If you want to leave ,take the keys, lock the door, bring em back later- *insert phone number her* ". There were no keys. Head hurts, too lazy to look for it. Feeling like i cought a cold. So I stayed, ate some eggz, found in fridge, made some cocoa. Was waiting for quite a few hours. at that time it was sunset. By the time the sun was rising I heard the doors open.


sorry for a cliffhanger like this, I am truly sorry, i want to keep this in quality, so for the next parts i need to think thing thoroughly through before posting.

Would anyone be willing to capture this story?

Would anyone wish to chat through facebook. I know it's stupid to tell people my facebook on the fucking FOchan, so I ain't doing it now. Anyone, up for a chat?
Have to go, out of wallpapers. make an excuse yourself to keep this thread alive till the other weekend.

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>>1996902
I fucked up with the lips on that one. maybe not a full-on mistake, but i don't like it.
I appreciate the well wishes, moral support ant great advice. since the very moment I decided to break something, i was feeling so much better. Not so little. not so helpless. Destroyer of social dogmas and someones feeling of safety. lovely
feeling :D Oh and that was a red mustang, no stripes or shit. Why I chose that car? it's a powerfull car and it had a fucking Disability ticket or some shit. fuck em'. Disabled bastard! >:D
This site might have a bad influence on me. but fuck it


>>1995672
>>1995451
>>1995549

arigatou gozaimasu.

>>1996908
what's ur face yo

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>>1997192
This might be hella mistake. add me
Facebook: Lamp bird , Lempa paukštis.

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OP, sad to hear. Just keep moving. Use it as a time to focus on yourself. Exercise, or make music or something

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this one is fucking dual screen 1366x768. so a 2732x768.

Woah. that was a bit of a gap since I last posted. Shit.

Back to the door in this story. Holy shit. Someone came in. I ran to the door like an exited cat, just to see a face of guess who. The fuckBoi. we introduced to eachother, he cooked me some food. gave me a session of therapy. He's a mad hatter by heart, but a psychologist by proffesion. He has a secret room. One room with a locked door. He left the spare keys there. He has a drumset in the isolated room. I fantasized about some stupid 50 shade of shit stuff in there. But my god that was a fabulous drumset. Originaly it was full on white. But he used some spraypaint. each drum had a different story. On one birthday his friends gave all of those to him. "friends are what makes us human" - he explained. So each drum was associated with a different pal.

I showed this thread to him... Couldn't explain or tell the whole story. After this he brought me to the drum room, showed me how to play em. Also gave me some things to think about. He asked the right questions. His int stat was like a custom tailored suit for me.

After that I thanked him. left a letter of gratidute and left for home. He lived in a different city, so I took a train. If it was my hometown, I would take the bus. a stupid uncomfy bus. But the train was an amazing way to travel. I thoroughly thought about every little detail of our conversation and realized a basic truth - I am useless. don't wory, I am fine now. that shit fucked me over back then. I am okay. Like seriously. Please read the next one with a smile on you face.

>>1995383
That sucks, but you'll find better.

>>1998933
Do I have to wait another week for the next post?

>>1995385
Man.. shit I lost my girl in terrible circumstances and this was one of the first things we sent to other
What a coincidence..

>>1998959
Also didn't read until now, op I hope you find happiness too, i would to say more but I'm in sameness of circumstances and you know I understand, for me her was my muse and my impulse forward, she may as well be the first real thing I felt from my perspective so op... I'm sorry and I hope you will do fine

>>1998960
If you want to talk I'm would be happy too

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So after the train ride back to my home town I noticed something real nice. A warm, comfychaired bar was right next to the train station. i went to the bar. Fucking ridiculous actually. Drank alone some strongpussied absinthe. Then I had some crazy shower of thoughts. Went out, found a store that works 24/7, bought a notebook and an ink pen with some capsules of ink. Went back to the bar. Here's a list of the ideas to be usefull again:
> Create a keyboard with sturdy spacebars, bit different design, '( ) { } [ ]' and ';' would have a separate location. Spec for programmers, coders and geeks. I myself buy them cheap ones, the spacebar busts every two months. Had a sturdy keyboard, but I fucking cried over it and few keys stopped working, now it is hanget like a picture on a wall.

>A colony. "Free abortions", the little human being would be grown in incubator, be woken up like from the matrix. while they sleep, it would play pink floyd's "Shine on you crazy diamond" on repeat. After that they could be like taught of everything. The colony could have institutes of art and engeenering. Because fuck off. Children without parents and with strange stupid names could be teh perfect 'ubermench' society. I could be the Empress or just another dead soul there.

>I am useless, so fuck it. If I am not doing good for the world, I might as well die.

I was so enthusiastic about all of these ideas. I could just jump straight into it and complete any of the. Guess which one seemed the easiest...

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A holy trinity. The train station, the bar and... anytime you want to make an important decision in your life, there is this bar next to a station - if you want to get the fuck outta here. And a .... If you have to get out of this mess we could life for real...

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So i jumped down to the train racks of the bridge, but a bit too late. Guess I am one he the few who know how hard trains hit. It was moving, i hit the roof of it after about a 3 meter fall. immidiatelly rolled of. Was fun and all, but I didn't die. so fuck me. So useless, couldn't even do that one simple task:'Jump and get hit'. It had to work. From the vast possibility of ways I could've died after letting the bridge stay standing behind me, I had to win this fucking Bingo match and be the lucky survivor of a suicide attempt. I still hate myself. not because of what I tried to do to myself, not because of the way I am, but because I failed. I hate failures. Never tried anything serious before. Here I tried and I fucking failed. Suck to be born below a lucky star I guess. Fuck you, me.

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I've been to a hospital, all good. Just fucked up my long bone in the leg. but just a bit. Won't be running for a couple of months :D FUCK YES.
> still won't get fat
> legit reason to get a sick leave
> whatever the fuck I want all day.
Thought my guardian angel must be like ... (pic related).
>>1997192 Lamp Bird fb
>>1998961 Lamp Bird fb
write me faggots, c'mon. Tell me what the fuck is wrong wichya, who gives a fuck. Nobody is ever born normal.