Congratulations on winning this year's Twisted Metal contest,

>>3240367
/vr/ closes down forever.

>>3240371
Granted!

*camera spins around anon screaming*

Since /vr/ shut down, poor anon has nothing else to do but play retro video games!

In fact, with the spare time he had he beat every single retro game in existence.

Anon: retro games! Feed me more retro games! I need retro games!

Thank you for playing Twisted Metal

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>>3240376
>Granted!
>*camera spins around anon screaming*
>Since /vr/ shut down, poor anon has nothing else to do but play retro video games!
>In fact, with the spare time he had he beat every single retro game in existence.
>Anon: retro games! Feed me more retro games! I need retro games!
>Thank you for playing Twisted Metal

>>3240367

My wish is for them to make an actually good fucking Twisted Metal game again. It's been far too long.

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>>3240384
Your wish is granted!

*zzzaaaapp*

It's OUYA exclusive!

>>3240389
Damn, Calypso. You're an asshole.

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>>3240390
Well, you know, i AM Calypso!

...and I thank you for playing TWISTED METAL!

>>3240389

Wellll fuck.

I wish for videogames.

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>>3240408
Your wish is granted!

Here you go anon, have a fun time!

I wish that all physical carts/discs of games turned into grenades all at once and exploded.

I've come to get back what's mine. Let's go , Black. It's time to come home.

>>3240367
I wish for an amazing Twisted Metal 2 remake on PC/PS4/Xbone that brings the series back to its glory days.

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>>3240482
Your wish is granted!

The game is everything you could have ever wanted it to be, and more! Bringing the fun of the original games into the modern age, with amazing graphics, great optimization, an online mode, and tons of new maps and characters.

Unfortunately, ISIS attacks Paris two days after its release, blowing up the Eiffel tower. To avoid controversy, the game is immediately pulled from every platform and torrent site, never to be played by anyone ever again.

I want to take out a high interest loan to attend school to make video games

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>>3240492
GODDAMNIT, ISIS!!!

>>3240492
>2 days
Motherfucker if you think I wouldn't have that shit day 1, you're high. I'd be playing it split screen with my homies all day (Which it would have, since it's everything I could have ever wanted it to be)

>>3240503
Granted!

You soon join the most prestigious Game design class money can buy. In it, you learn the absolute most important aspects of creating a game, such as advanced gender theory, the influence of the patriarchy on video games and how to fight it, minority representation, etc...

Once you have your diploma, you end up making bejeweled clones for android to pay back your debt for the rest of your life.

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>>3240492

>>3240521
The pay will be low. But you'll get exposure.

That's edible, right?

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>>3240417
>Gone Home
>Videogame

This meme is stale

I wish for a new Metroid game. A proper one.

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>>3240367
>Calypso offers you a wish

Rid /vr/ of e-celebs

>>3240568
As part of the Nintendo/Dena partnership, a great sequel to Super metroid is made for smartphones
It is absolutely incompatible with bluetooth controllers

>>3240584
With nowhere else to go, the e-celeb shitters flock en mass to /v/ and /pol/. These boards are now 99.9% e-celebs threads. It's too much even for regular shitposters to handle, who in turn decide to head to /vr/ for their daily shenanigans.

>>3240367
I wish that Rob Zombie would pull his dick out of the rotting corpse that is the Twisted Metal series.

He was never good and never will be good.

>>3240652

White zombie was great, everything after sexorcisto and Astro creep was shit...

...hey.. Yeah that's it!! I wish that white zombie never broke up and Rob zombie never went solo leaving a wake of elderly-man-wanna-be-zombie turds all over the music and film scene. Come on Calypso I beat this fucking contest and didn't even use God mode you burnt sack of shit!!

Calypso, I wish for an end to all ironic twists.

>>3240367
I wish that you and your son are forced to do nothing but suck each other's dicks for the rest of eternity.

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I wish for everyone to finally realize that Lala is best girl

I wish I had a healthy female body, with X-chromosomes and all. :/

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>>3240706
Wish granted! However, your mother reveals to you that your bassinet was switched with another child's at birth. Her child's! Say goodbye to not-mom and not-dad, and say hello to your new father, Calypso! Now let's get sucking, son! We have a lot of catching up to do! By the way, thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>>3240734
Goddamn calypso

I wish Nintendo used hard cases for their games.

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>>3240710
Wish granted! It's too bad you never specified a beautiful woman, because you've been given the likeness of Rosie O'Donnell!
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

I want Earthbound 64

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>>3240367
I wish you didn't grant my wish.

Make a new Twisted Metal for PS4 dammit

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>>3241427
Wish granted! The new Twisted Metal gets released at the tail-end of the console's lifespan, with an online-only focus. Without a solid community to sustain it, the game dies. Might as well hope for a new Vigilante 8!
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing for playing Twisted Metal.

>>3240367
I wish I knew what to wish for.

>>3240389
>implying that's a bad thing

Ouya's are dirt cheap and a good game is a good game no matter the platform.

I wish Calypso had a wish

>>3240734
okay but I'm gonna need to borrow about three fiddy

>>3240734
The credits are punctuated by the sole sound of two men slobbering on their poles. Goddamn this is pure evil genius.

>>3241446

Not only that, but the online was broken from what I recall. Helicopters were kind of broken and they just bopped everyone.

I wish the Monolith from Stalker worked without anything bad happening.

I wish Calypso wouldn't twist people's wishes.

How's that, smartass?

I wish for a big cock
>grants you a giant rooster

>>3241937
to be fair getting a pretty decent meal isn't really that bad an outcome.

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>>3240367
I wish for mai waifu, Jamie "Outlaw II" Roberts, to come back for a new PS4 Twisted Metal game assuming it will happen, for topic's sake.

The game will not be VR exclusive nor will it suffer from any online connectivity issues. It will also be a "good" game as a bare minimum, claiming a spot next to Twisted Metal 2, Black, and Head-On. It will be released about half way into the PS4's life cycle. The game will be unrushed, well optimized, running at a silky smooth 1080p60 without the expense of dynamic resolution penalties or being gutted in favor for a PS4K version.

She will retain her ravenous jet black hair, she will not die or suffer from any mishaps at any time during her plot and especially her ending. The ability and stats of her car "Outlaw" will most certainly not be "low tier" and her special will be familiar in design and valuable in utility.

You can kill off her brother, I don't care.

Thanks Calypso.

>>3240482
Twisted Metal: Head-On on the PS2 was a decent TM2 remake (effectively).

>>3242010
what if she gets blacked and enjoys it tho

>>3243184
You mean it was the proper sequel to TM2, not a remake of.

>>3242010
You didn't specify whether or not she'd be a playable character
Thank you for playing Twisted Metal

>>3243245
I went into detail about HER game ending and HER car "Outlaw", how HER stats and special will not suck. Nice try though not Calypso. This motherfucker hasn't given an official response yet because I've won. If he ends up killing her brother and Outlaw I, I still win.

>>3240367
I wish I had a large penis.

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A night of drunken sex with Twister plz

>>3243535
>Handling: ULTRA TIGHT
>My Pants: ULTRA TIGHT

>>3243473
Granted!

You will now see that in your left hand is a large severed penis. It's all yours!

Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>3242010
Granted!

She is, however, restricted to the season pass pre-order, which you unfortunately miss by coming down with a severe case of pneumonia and miss the window whilst being put into a medically induced coma.

Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>3243628
>season pass
Okay, not bad. I preordered Twisted Metal before for Axle so it's not the end of the world. I'll give you the win though.

>pneumonia
>coma
Too meta, doesn't count. Maybe if I made a real life wish like >>3243473.

>>3243736
OK, she's exclusive to whatever system you don't own on top of you being in a coma, which does count, fuck you.

>>3240367
By this stage, you'd think people would go into this thing with wishes written up entire legal teams, philosophers and professional assholes to remove literally every possible loophole that could exist in the statement.

Calypso, I wish you'd go fuck yourself.

>>3243957
>changes your name to "Yourself"
>Calypso rapes you with his thorny demon cock to death
>Calypso whips out a cig, lights it, smokes it
>"Thanks for playing, Yourself."

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I wish h3h3 productions gets a million dollars

>>3244027
Figures that unfunny kikes fans would bail him out. For fucks sake, bad enough he makes well over 5k from the patreon alone.

>never try to out-kike a kike

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>>3244034
>h3h3
>not funny

>>3244027
I dunno, that seems like a fairly small loan.

>>3244046
He blatantly ripped off Sam Hyde MDE then backpeddled and claimed it was a "tribute" not to mention and Tim and Eric hardcore, it's his entire sthick. Of course reddit loves him and can't see their being fleeced like the stupid goy they are.

>>3244062
>Sam Hyde MDE

Not to comment on its quality, but I never really got MDE. I know it's supposed to be absurd humor and I like that kind of humor but something about it kinda feels a bit odd to me somehow, as ironic as that sounds. Not to say it's bad or good tho. Also I kinda figured it's a bit obscure to be ripped off. Prolly just me tho.

And besides, there are fucktons of absurd humor channels on YouTube, there's bound to be some that are similar to others.

>>3244086
Sam literally said it was a ripoff in a live stream.

>>3244094
Well either way, Ethan could've done worse stuff.

Besides now that I think of it, I'm not super sure MDE is all that relevant anyway.

>>3244027
Granted!

*camera cuts to a series of newscast screens showing stills of "Youtube Comedy Sensation Wins Big!" and "h3h3 Productions beats pewdiepie as Youtube's no.1"*

Since h3h3 productions won the million dollar lottery, their production went to the big-leagues putting the channel at the number 1 spot for decades to come.

Poor Anon though was sued by the ADL for hate speech the following year and with not enough money to play ball in court, he ended up doing life in prison.

Anon: I-I'm sorry I said those things online about Jews, I promise I'll never say it again, h-honest!

Jailer: Shut the fuck up Nazi! *nightstick across the face* *THWACK!*

Thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>>3240367
Destruction of every indie game and their creators

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>>3240367
I wish to divide by zero.

This thread is awesome thanks OP

>>3244105
>not relevant
they have a show coming out next month
His jokes are all horrifically boring, its not just that he ripped of MDE but worse, its that hes a very watered down, bland comedian. His jokes are "dyud what the heck r u doing, what are you a poop head, just let me poop on your head poophead COUGH COUGH makes fat neck"

Is there anybody with a bigger shit-eating face than Calypso?

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>>3243535
>ultra tight

Wew, completely over my head as a teen.

>>3240773
>you've been given the likeness of Rosie O'Donnell!
I did say "healthy."